Parsha Perspectives for Today (Vayigash 5784/2023) - Be an Angel

just raise your hand if your phone is on good morning Boer to it should be a good morning it should be a Boer to should hear BOS toos please guide we hear good news our hostages should be brought home our soldiers should be home we should have peace Safety and Security I want to thank a par series sponsors for the year beckat and family and member ofman Ben this morning sponsor as well today sheer ell and yafa mandam in memory of her mother K kasto site is day was an amazing mother and grandmother she is sorely missed her alah by stasha and Janice Jacobs in observance of the 10th year site of his beloved father Sim gam Ben whose should have an Aliyah as well so thank you to our generous sponsors quick reminders immediately following Sher as always we invite and encourage you to stay we'll divide all sa Forum several times within just a few minutes the more of you stay we can complete the entire book of tum more than once a tremendous Merit it's a little small tiny ask of us stay just a couple minutes afterwards if you've not yet hung an Israeli flag and American flag on your cars please do make a statement everywhere you go that you stand with Israel the US Israel relationship and lastly reminder this Mo shabas we have the privilege of welcoming back Dr Erica Brown the vice Provost and of values and Leadership inaugural director of the rabis saak center for values and Leadership at is University an amazing speaker and amazing woman Dr Eric Brown this Mo shabas at 8:30 p.m. right here in this very same space so please join us this Mo shabas please forgive me for wearing this fleece I'm cold it's very cold if you'd like coffee or tea it's in the back it can warm you because in Florida we don't have heat inside so it's cold when it's like in the 60s it's just torturous okay Paras page 250 in the AR scroll Stone our par picks up we last week left off and we are continuing this incredible story line that even though we know the way it ends and I say this every year nevertheless we are at the edge of our seat we're reading with tremendous curiosity with tremendous eagerness with tremendous tension to find out how the story unfolds yot has orchestrated the entire order of events to both make his dreams come true as well to enable his brothers to do chuva the opportunity to correct and to not repeat where they went wrong with him and amazingly magnanimous generous and gracious of him rather than seek revenge rather than rather than want to put them in their place ysf wants to give them an opportunity to be the brothers he always dreamt and hoped and wished they would be and that's how our para begins Yehuda Yehuda steps up Yehuda steps out Yehuda approaches something he had never done for Yosef nor had anyone else and now Yosef had successfully orchestrated events so much so that Yehuda behaves in the way that y always wanted yehud Yehuda approached him and he said be please my Lord my master can I speak to you can I approach the bench can I speak freely please don't get angry don't be frustrated for you are like parro we begin with a we've been learning the beautiful toras of the r of the Brooklyn he quotes simple understanding is you are like who is great unto you like parro yose you're the vice of Egypt yose you are an incredibly powerful man you are an incredibly powerful position can I approach the bench Can I confide can I speak to you freely can I appeal to you do I have to fear for my life or can I confront you I don't understand is about to unload on yud is about to level all of his grievances all of his complaints he's about to unload on Yosef so he introduces with a little flattery oh you are so great there's no one like you like other than parro parro is the strongest parro is the Emperor you're the second in command there's no one like you now that I told you that now that I flattered you now that I positioned you now let me tell you all my problems with you you're so to me you're so significant you're so strong you're so important now let me tell you everything you do wrong and now he's going to do the opposite of treat him like somebody what's going on no it reminds me anytime anyone ever says Rabbi with all due respect you know what's going to come next has no respect whenever the introduction whenever the words with all due respect you know what's coming next so great y with all due respect no one's great like you other than parro now let me tell you all the things that you do wrong says this is an incredibly important lesson for all of us interpersonally not only we speak to powerful leaders not only when we Advocate and Lobby for the things that matter most but also for the people closest to us we're most comfortable and familiar with this is an incredibly important lesson a paral perspective for the relationships of Our Lives sh even though yud had many reasonable legitimate arguments complate on Y and these aren't St little insignificant things these are meaningful he's gonna Challenge yose on very significant things for example why were you suspicious of us that we were that we were spies and why did you place money and falsely accuse us and why did you ask about our families and why did you place this cup and why were you trying to position to take one of us as a slave the important powerful lesson here is Yehuda was not positioning Yosef flattering Yosef he was not looking up to Yosef in a way that he would then get what he wanted he could speak to him how he wanted though with all due respect was not set as a license to then speak with no respect what he was trying to do was distinguish on the one hand you yoseph you the person you your position I admire I respect I honor but I will now honorably and respectfully express my concerns my legitimate criticisms what we read or see is contradictory if you really honor and love and respect then you would never complain you would never criticize who says criticisms are part of life constructive respectful With Honor with dignity when they're offered and communicated in a way which compromises in a way that lacks respect and honor and dignity there in they're a problem but a person can maintain their on the one hand I have respect and I have admiration and I want to bring with you in a constructive fash passion a concern I have a question I have and Y reciprocates the exact same quality because even though y whose tinas whose complaints against his brothers rise at least to the level of their complaints against him after all you marginalized you dismissed you tried to kill me you threw me in a pit you sold me into slavery you me for 22 years yosef's complaints are as legitimate as anyone else's but ysf does not use the complaints to entirely entirely dismiss the entire relationship to see his brothers as irredeemable as having no honor no worthiness to be entirely lacking anything worthy of admiring ysf is able like his brothers were towards him to distinguish between theas on the one hand there is the person and there is is the message that I want to communicate Yos reciprocates this same exact quality back to and we see to says that when it came to the you can have a complaint when your complaint clouds your vision when the complaint opis the complaint creates this this uh obstacle that deprives you and denies you of the ability to speak to and to connect with the other person in any sense of dignity or honor then it's not okay but when you can speak respectfully and continue to see the good and admire and have a dignified relationship but offer a constructive criticism that so it's not a contradiction says the and this is a critical thing to know when it comes to peace in our homes Harmony in marriage parenting in children friendships and colleagues if you have a criticism just offer the criticism the problem that can have a solution the criticism in a constructive way but don't don't pile on and don't broaden out and don't magnify it and don't exaggerate it and don't bring up everything of all of history don't go back in time just Express that particular and specific issue in a constructive fashion Dr John gotman who spok in here a world the world Authority on healthy marriages UNG great marriages he says and I love this expression every time a couple has a fight with every fight there was a conversation that needed to happen and the fight happened instead what was the Catalyst what stimulated or provoke that fight somebody was frustrated upset disappointed resentful hurt injured and there was a conversation that that needed to happen a legitimate conversation that needed to happen but when a fight when it escalates when it magnify you always you're just like your mother your father your family you're the wor since I remember for the last 30 years 17 time these dates and these times and I have all spreadsheet of exact then instead of having the conversation in a constructive fashion the fight happens instead ad hominum personal attacks personal criticis instead of bringing up the issue and a constru solution and resolution and a repair and a closeness instead further damage sabotage happens instead says Gman with every fight there was a conversation that needed to happen and the fight happened instead is also true when it comes to our children if our children make a mistake cross a line come up short are we critical of the particular choice or action do we hold them to higher esteem do we tell them that's beneath you that's below you what you're capable of or do we say you're always a clown you're an underachiever why do you do such stupid things why do you always act so silly why are you so impossible why are you because when we make it a character attack then they'll just fulfill that prophecy of them versus when we separate out the action so that and he goes on here but I want to move on in the paraa he goes on and says this is exactly what Yehuda is doing strategically so well first he says I admire you I respect you I want to have a relationship with you there's a platform and a foundation there's a Bas line of respect but now I'd like to bring some things to your attention that I need some clarification on some things that are troubling some things that don't make sense some criticism that is constructive that I want to do to advance our relationship not sabotage it or hurt it and here Yehuda is modeling for us in marriage and parenting in business and in life the way to not attack a character to not offer ad H attacks to not dismiss the entire person but to be able to recognize and see the good and the Great and the Redemptive in them and at the same time be able to positively and constructively have the conversation rather than escalate the fight what an important what an important message he then a second piece in this is actually not a recognition of ad ation second interpretation of Rashi is maybe it's a criticism of Yehuda he says just like parro decrees and doesn't fulfill he makes a promise and comes up short you're no different what happened over here what's going on you made a promise we bring our brother down and everything's okay and we can go back and yeah you're not fulfilling the promise you're just like whoa whoa whoa what did do wrong why is youah throwing parro on the bus if you're not happy with the way yose's been treating you confront Yos why do you have to invoke parro what are you invoking parro again if you want to destroy a relationship in a fight with a with a spouse then the number one way you can do that is say you're just like your mother you're just like your father you're just like your family because the person like you know taka you're right I'm just like them they're terrible I'm ter we all really need to improve thank you for pointing that out I learned so much from that that happens exactly never times what happens instead you're bringing my mother into this you're bringing my father you're bringing my grandparents you're bringing my siblings into this are you out of your mind you want to talk about parents let's talk about your parents it's the unraveling of a relationship so ask the what's you they doing over here y you don't fulfill your promises and you know who you're just like like you're the number two you're just like your boss parro he also doesn't fulfill his promises what's he doing over here what did parro ever do wrong what kind of a strategy is this you're trying to appeal to Y to yose to let your brother bamin go home with you you're trying to resolve a situation so what are you pouring fuel on the fire why are you making it worse by invoking parro and listen to what the says this Friday none of us want to accept that it's going to be a fast day this Friday but it's a fast day we want mashia to come for many reasons before them but that's just one more so in what do we say forgive us forgiveness everything why because we have to admit you know we don't want to but what can we do we have to admit we and our parents have really come up short and your parents are looking at you saying whoa whoa whoa you want to ask for forgiveness this is your admission and your confession lovely what are you bringing me into this what are you invoking me have you not felt guilty every time y every time you say I feel guilty I feel my par they're wonderful why do you have to invoke your parents it's the opposite of you should say my parents they're wonderful but me I got a lot of work to do what are you throwing your parents under the bus inos the answer is the reason we're invoking them is what we're trying to say in our own defense we're not so guilty it didn't originate with us you planted within man a you gave us a drive a Temptation a desire you made us imperfect from the beginning our great great great great grandparents our great- grandparents our grandparents our parents and we are imperfect we have inherited imperfection we've inherited these struggles we've inherited these challenges they didn't originate with us so in our own defense what we're trying to point out is it's true I'm not perfect and I'm going to work on it but it's genetic it's genetic so he says our parents those who are no longer among the living are looking down and they're rooting for us they're saying invoke the genetic argument we're up here the bason is look invoke the genetic thing blame us because we're so concerned and we so want what's right for you we so want you to get off the hook we so want your well-being invoke the genetic thing and okay we did too our your grandparents and the great-grandparents turn to the genetic argument that's what's going on over here why is this a winning strategy what he's saying is look y you haven't exactly fulfilled your word I don't blame you not your fault that's how you were mentored that's what parro taught you but if you could not pay it forward and fulfill your word and send bamin home it'd be really great so Yehuda is not saying it as a crism or attack Yuda Sayang it indeed as a strategy to appease and appeal to Yosef yose you haven't fulfilled your word but rather than you see that as a criticism of you know after all where did you learn who was your Mentor you learn from par he didn't ever fulfill his word and therefore we don't hold it against you but if you wouldn't mind fulfilling your word now we would greatly appreciate it that is the two interpretations of the we turn to the and he quotes a few interpretations here the opening of the par we're going to get past the first we could do the whole we could do 15 sh on the first P I love this first notice I'm not telling you my favorite Tor about the three in the Torah and the qued by the the three steps that we take forward to start our are the three correspond with the three V three people stepped forward and we imitate those three people when we take three steps forward to begin each and every that's the origin of it but I'm not telling you that says the what's she's approaching I point this out every year but you know why we start the para with all these Tor on the word because you haven't looked at the par since last shabas maybe since last para class but if you read the parha last week and this week in succession if you simply turn back a page and then turn to this page you'll realize Yehuda is not initiating a new conversation he is in the middle of a conversation with Y so when he says when he approaches and he says is it okay if I say something yeah we're in the middle of talking yeah this is our meeting what do you need permission now what are you asking so the medish offers several interpretations of why Yehuda needs to ask to approach and ask permission to speak when he's already in the middle of speaking so the says was he's ready to fight he's ready to brawl fisticuffs you is ready to step up and take it on the chin to defend the brother now you can understand why yose was is no longer able to hold back 22 years 22 years he said the brothers I longed for I wished I had the brothers who abandoned me neglected me marginalized me dismissed me excluded me I I I want to Hope I want to believe that they're different how will I know I need to put them in exactly the same circumstance in order to test whether they've done Chua gamur complete repentance how will I do that I'll put them in a position whether they'll either abandon another brother and what's the closest brother than me there's only one other brother who has not only the same father but the same mother and who's that Benyamin so the closest I can get to putting them in the same circumstance as me is the only other brother that is the same father and the same mother see whether they will neglect and abandon him as they did me or whether Vash whether they'll step up and what does he witness he sees y to step up first he's ready to fight he comes and he steps forward to appeal to him he comes and he steps forward to whisper to to speak heart tohe heart he stepped forward not really about y but Yehuda stepped forward for what to Davin in that moment it may have appeared he was talking to Yosef but to whom was Yehuda really addressing his words to Hashem he was daving this is an incredible precedent and for us sometimes in life you're talking to the doctor the surgeon but you're really talking to hem you're talking to the lawyer or judge you're really talking to Hashem you're talking to your broker but you're really asking and talking to Hashem really in life you're talking it seems to the other person but even that conversation with the person could be to the person who's physically before you but behind them above them Beyond them you're also using what seems that that mundane conversation between people is also a expression of a conversation with hem it's a very beautiful is a beautiful song on these words the of a impoverished person K when they are when they are K when they are atifa when their head is wrapped before this Indigent impoverished underprivileged person in a moment of Crisis before him do they pour out their their conversation they're talking to hasem so says the following this is a mus of a king a king on the day of his Joy the king proclaims in his kingdom oh my daughter's wedding today my daughter's wedding so anyone who can meet with me any request you have of me I will fulfill we don't have Kings today but supposedly there are other demographics who have this practice on the day of their daughter's wedding members of the mafia that any request you have of me I will fulfill today I want to I'm so joyous I'm so happy I want to share and spread the happiness whatever you want I say yes to so one by one they line up and this one says could you lend me some money this one says can you pay my debt this one says can you get me out of this crisis this circumstance this one says can you make me this connection this one says can you give me this honor this one come and then the last one comes and what does he say he says my one request is that I can come and make requests whenever I need brilliant right there's a lot today the genie the bottle what do you ask for so but the king Mafia whatever your mush is K went with the King Mas so and what's the brilliant one say the brilliant request of the brilliant one is my one request is that I can come make requests whenever I want and the king is thrilled brilliant absolutely I'm happy to fulfill it and that's what the said that's the what is the which is the all-encompassing that the that in that moment of Crisis that moment of urgency which is the all encompassing you should offer the is King Hashem my in my moment of Crisis is that I can come any time to pour out my heart to ask of anything who was the T of the who recorded most of his teachings that we have very very deep the core of all all of our for the most effective efficacious for to work the most powerfully the most potently the best our should not be about us Hashem help me heal and become better physically mentally emotionally why because if I'm healthy and well I can best serve you Hashem help me pay off my debt help me come into money help me earn more why because if I'm not worried about money I can best serve you Hashem help me have children help me everything should be not about us but if that request is fulfilled I am best positioned to live a mission-driven purpos Driven Life that I can serve you and that's what it means our coming back to par the third interpretation that of the said he came ready to fight War said he came ready to appease sweet to appeal and the said he came he wasn't talking to Y at all he came for and what does that mean in the he came close to and what was his request his request was can I speak to you whenever I want whenever I want whenever I want and this is what we say we introduce and open every that we say with Hashem give me the words give me the language let it flow let it come comfortably let it let it come easily let me connect we have to approach hasem with what yehud yehud what's the root of the word of the name yehudah with gratitude when you approach with gratitude now you can come with ISM another lesson of the beginning of our connects a little bit to the of course the PK is talking about the person the name but it is also communicating if we come Yehuda with an attitude of then you know they say when you do the review of the employee first to list all the wonderful things and qualities and attributes and success then you offer the criticism when you speak to your child when you want to communicate first you express all the gratitude and thank you and amazing you've tried you come so far you do so much I'm so grateful it's so amazing now just a few things that we could work on tweak i' appreciate it once you first approach then now there will be open ears now there'll be more acceptance to be able to communicate the other things that need to be communicated moving along so what does he say you asked us do we have a father or a brother we said yeah we have a father he's an old man and he has a he has a a young child and our brother what happened to him we cool with this what's yud doing a little something called lying we're not so cool with that what does he said until now he used a different word and and our brother is not among us he's no longer among us now no longer among us at least there's some leeway to interpret different ways he's no longer among us Among Us however you want to take it there's some leeway flexibility is a sheer it's simply not true AO he's gone he's no longer here our brother he alone is left from his mother and his father loves him meaning B is the last one left rash says rash was also bothered you think you're just bothered I'm bothered if we're bothered there a good chance Rashi was bothered Rashi was bothered and he says what's going on over here Yuda an outright lie our brother's dead he was afraid he was afraid sometimes shom sometimes you're allowed to bend the truth in order to save your life like when your wife says how do I look in this outfit in order to save your life I'm just joking but sometimes shom sometimes you're allowed to bend the truth not really is truth absolute or relative now is not the time we could speak for hours of maras on that right when the says no what do you think of my kala isn't she beautiful [Music] so the said you can't lie you gotta tell it like it is no she's not you could do better but B says yeah she's magnificent she's sweet she's beautiful you find she's be you think she's beautiful she's beautiful absolutely admirable beautiful incredible magnificent stunning because truth is truth absolute is it relative when do we have a complete Fidelity when are you allowed to bend it Rashi says is afraid for his life his brother's lives his father back home's life so he realizes extreme circumstances call for extreme behaviors so now why if he says yeah there's one more brother I have to be honest the anenu if Yosef calls him out on the you've pointed out your brother's anenu could you elaborate what do you mean by that he's no longer among us where is he and if Yuda would be honest then he say go get him go bring him now in his we don't begin to understand many of our great rabbis feel the need to give this disclaimer anytime the text points out an imperfection how do we reconcile they're not like me and you they're not mere ordinary Mortals so we're very delicate and sensitive in our criticism of them and r here therefore offers the the typical disclaimer but nevertheless Hashem wasn't worried about it he points out imperfections all throughout tanak he wasn't worried and he wants us to find and strike that balance don't talk about them like they're you and me but extract and derive from them lessons that we can learn because there is no one who's perfect so Rashi points out now do you understand the irony R is pointing out an incredible irony Yehuda is leveling a lie against the specific person who would most know it's a lie our brother is dead says to his living brother here says I'm sorry could you come again back up what was that interesting interesting because y knows that he's right there and he's alive and well standing opposite yose telling yoseph you're dead telling yoseph I don't know if you heard but you died offered no Bell when he read his own obituary that inspired him after building the greatest mass weapons and that being his legacy decided he wanted to do something different something more and invented the Nobel Prize so many Jews could disproportionately win it so why what motivated him to do it because he read his own obituary he read his obituary his brother had died but they got confused and they wrote an obituary about him and he said I didn't I don't know if you heard but you you're dead so that's what's going on Yehuda says to Yosef without knowing it's you died say you know what you learn from here listen to this beautiful lesson listen this powerful lesson this difficult lesson you think this only happened with and ysf you know how often we bend the truth we tell a lie and we sew in our own mind don't even realize we're telling a lie anymore that we're telling a lie to the very person we're talking about lying about the people who know the truth more than anyone in other words what enables us to lie there's a cognitive dissonance we don't really know we're lying we've convinced ourselves at the truth we don't even know we're lying we're pathological in our lying so much so we could be standing opposite that person if we really we're sober in realizing how blatant our lie is and how obvious it is to the person that we're lying to and about we could never lie we could never lie how ashamed how embarrassed how humiliated you would be if yud knew he was standing opposite Yosef could he say the words no why was he able to say those words because he didn't realize he was standing opposite ysf so we should live our lives always knowing we're standing opposite and he always knows the truth so you're always standing opposite the one who knows the truth and just like if Yehuda would have known he was standing opposite yose he never could have said the words so to we should never ever ever distort the truth or tell a lie because we are always standing opposite Hashem a beautiful motivation inspiration when it comes to when it comes to honesty and midar let's move to the next per oh see I told told you we'd be flying Yuda makes and advances his entire argument we've discussed it in the past again you can go online and you can listen to previous years's we have many and each year is different each year we offer different interesting Turn the Page could not restrain himself in the presence of all who stood before him so he called out out I need the room clear the room no one remained with him when he revealed himself when he made himself be known to his brothers he wanted and he asked for he needed the room C of Dr continuing what was the thing that made him right now this has been going on for a while the brothers first came down he sent them back they came back again he had meals with them he put them in prison for three days he held back bamin he planted the cup there's a whole drama and a whole Saga unfolding it's been going on for a while and all that time Ys was able to disguise himself Ys was able to hold back and withstand his urge to reveal himself what happened dco right now what was it right now that he couldn't do it anymore what happened what was it that happened specifically right now and why does he need the room why do say clear the room I need the room I need the room what was the reason so maybe the first way of understanding it is the truth is yse did not want to hurt his brothers Yosef this is a super human despite all they had done to him he did not want revenge despite all they had hurt him he did not want to hurt them writes this is the this why does it say I'm y your brother you don't think they would get it at the I'm Y how many yss were in their life I'm Ys he had to add on your brother says who was signaling to them I'm ysf unless you think because I'm ysf I'm now about to take revenge I'm y I'm Y and I want to be your brother that's all I've ever want wanted all I've ever wanted was for you to treat me like a brother and let me treat you like a brother he didn't want to hurt them so if he would have revealed himself in front of other strangers members of his court it would have humiliated and shamed them and he wanted to protect and preserve their dignity he needed to give them a little mus a little rebuke and even if he didn't say it explicitly implicitly they would receive that rebuke he wanted to protect and preserve their dignity so he did it in private he did it in private that's the first interpretation then says a second interpretation and this is based on the B when ysf reveals himself what does he say two words an Ys I am ysf he then pauses and he says is my father still alive and the Basi wonders is my father still alive you just had a conversation do you have a father do you have any other brothers we just and they just answered what yes we have a father he's an older man but he's alive he's well and now your first question is I'm y pause for drama is my father still alive you know the answer they just told you that we have an older father and you already had it last last week's how's your father doing you know the father you still is alive you just went back and you came back how's your father no how's your father and they answered so now that's his first thing says the B based on the woe on to us after 120 when we come upstairs and we appear before God and we appear before that Heavenly Court the reality check facing the music confronting the truth of who we are and who we were and how we lived will be as difficult and as painful as when yoseph reveals himself an Y and we ask on that medish that's difficult mus an Y and the B explains what's the B Ys didn't have to say anything more than an Ys because the moment he said an y the rest of the entire picture became clear and now they connected all the dots of their lives and of their actions and of their behaviors and that was unbelievably devastating unbelievably devastating and now we understand why did y continue with because the ultimate mus that ysf gives is Yehuda said you have to let our brother go why our father's old and you're going to kill him he lost one son and if you keep in y he will surely die and Yosef can't take it anymore he says I'm sorry tell me again you're so concerned about who you just say my father he's old he's fragile he's broken one brother's gone and if you keep in y he will surely die and yose says so concerned about your father so concerned about your father were you concerned about your father when you threw me in a pit when you told him that I was killed by an animal when you when you sold me for the last 22 years what about then Yos wasn't asking is my our father still alive biologically physically is he alive that he knew the answer to he was giving muser to Yehuda Yehuda and Company you claim right now your argument right now you're he right now is I can't do this to your father well I got to tell you something I'm Yosef he's also my father and will you worried about him then were you worried about him then and that is the that is the reality we will have the gro Von says we spoke about the shaba and we spoke about it last week here in the par class being Ro the relationship with our future self because you know what your future self is going to have to do if you don't sleep enough now you're going to have memory challenges you don't eat right now you're going to have physical challenges you don't do self-care right now you're going to have emotional issues the future self is counting on your present self to care about your future self for the future self to not be a stranger we spoke about that a little bit last week spoke a lot about it on shabas shua and we quoted then that the says you know what Haba is the world to come is Hashem says new come sit on the couch presses play and you watch your whole life together every moment the public the private the part you knew people were watching the part you thought nobody saw your thoughts your instincts your inclinations your everything and you sit next to Hashem on a couch and you watch that do you think Hashem has to say anything he doesn't have to say anything is there anything more torturous than the thought of his sitting next to you watching your best moments and your worst moments now the good news is that's what the gr says we have editing software we can edit that film before we have to watch it with Hashem what's that called Chua CH we can edit we can edit and now you understand why we should be motivated that's why the gamar says a person should do chuva day before they die and the gar says do you know when you're going to die no which is why every day edit every day do some editing every day do some clipping every day do some censoring every day delete the scenes that you will not want to be sitting next to hem one day watching now you don't get to just press delete without doing the hard work of chuva the only way to delete is not by pressing a button the way to delete is the hard work of Chua but otherwise we come upstairs and Hashem says he doesn't have to start to lace into you all you have to do is look at the reality of the life that we LED and that's painful I was with a dear friend yesterday who I love who was crying and broken because he's made some poor decisions andem he's now well enough to realize the consequences of those decisions and to confront the reality that he feels he created and when a person looks at their life and confronts realities that they brought about through mistakes that they made they don't need anyone else to say anything all that has to be done is to connect those dots all that has to be done is to see that reality and that is unbearably painful that is painful and that's what ysf does here he doesn't listen and give major he just says you know the kid didn't get into the seminar Yesa they applied to the parent doesn't have to say you see I always told you you have to try harder and I can't believe it and you're such an nice far from this what's going to happen and I War you the parent should hold and cuddle that child and cry with them because the child doesn't need the parent to say a word a word their rejection from that dream is is all they needed to hear it's a very powerful lesson the way ysf responds to his brothers the way Hashem will respond to all of us and the way that we should communicate with the people that we love a third interpretation of sh why did yose reveal himself right now in this moment first answer we gave was he didn't want to embarrass his brothers the second answer was they're asking about your father you care about your father did you care about your father when it came to me and the third is he starts to see them lie became he sees yud is getting desperate willing to lie it's time to reveal himself he doesn't want to contribute to that whatsoever ruk then has another interpretation and I never heard or saw this until this year this is really beautiful in that moment y called out remove every person may Al and he says first of all there seems to be a a um a repetition remove every person may Al from translate from upon me and there was no one with him okay if he told everyone to leave of course the room was empty why does the Tor need to say that y called give me the room and he got the room everyone leave and everyone left why does he have to repeat that why does he have to repeat that listen to this was worth coming today just for this the med tells us a I'll give you the short version of it the med talks about a that in the moment that the co goes into the to do the that the K God has the ability to transform himself to being like a Mal like an angel to transcend and rise above the human impulse and Instinct and foibles and failings and to become a Mal to rise to become a Mal that he has the ability he has the ability to do that he's qu as say says you know what y was saying I'm and I don't want to take revenge I don't want to get even I just want you to be the brothers I've always always wanted you to be I am the Y that you sold to slavery is not and therefore watch out I'm about to wall up you means that you sold me it all worked out for the best I needed to be here in order to save the economy save Egypt save our family feed our family just like Hashem responds to says to M that you broke the that same language now for yose to be able to do that says R that's superum you know a behavior that's like you know who has that kind of behavior a Mal a Mal a human being can't have that attitude a human being can't bring that mentality or have that Paradigm that's the behavior of a of a Mal so Cesar of Dr it's a beautiful listen to this Ys was not calling out remove all the other people that are present Yosef was talking to himself and he says In This Moment is eliminate all the personal all the human all the animal fight or flight all the jealousy anger resentment eliminate is eliminate all the human in me because I want to display the behavior of an Angel and that and what happened and Tak there was no person there and what was the what was the conclusion there was no this is similar says this is similar the PK says there can't be a person in theid when the coin G comes in it doesn't mean there can't be anyone else it means the coin gal can't be an Adam he has to be a Mal it reminds me doesn't say this but it reminds me of moshu spoiler alert let's go forward to book number two to the sequel sayos when Moshe has this moment with the he looks this way and that way and he sees there's no is there are moments when we look in a mirror and we ask ourselves am I going to descend to the lowest part of who I am or will I Rise up to be an angel in that moment difficult very very difficult but isn't that amazing did you ever hear that before what a beautiful interpretation the ability to say an y I'm Ys and I want to be your brother and not only am I not angry that you sold me because that was what was best to display that graciousness generosity of spirit self-control that's that's Angelic and that's what ysf was saying remove all the is all the human in me I want to see if I can be an angel in this moment I want to tell you if you weren't here this past shabas we had the greatus of Hosting our dear friend y Yar and an amazing woman Donna Cohen whose son whose husband avad was murdered on October 7th one of the volunteer security who went to a neighboring yeshu to fight and the only the people of schlomit was the only yeshu that went to fight not only for themselves but a neighboring yeshu that needed them and they lost four people and on one block there are now four widows and 15 orphans and one of them Donna came with her six children this past shabas she spoke shabas afternoon here it was it was listening to a Mal what she spoke about Hashem and we have to come together and and is still living and looking down and died for a reason and who we need to be and the AK we need to have and that Hashem slapped us on the face but this is how we have to respond this is what he's waiting for from us I don't know about you I felt aside from feeling incredibly small and Tiny that that we're sitting in front of a Mal a Mal absolute Mal a really beautiful Mal you know the next night they were here shabas they went to New York on Sunday and there was a concert done on behalf of the people of schlomit iso and uh Donna Cohen was called on stage ISO called it on stage this doesn't come off my para time but I have to tell it to you I could even post a video of it in the para group Soo called the on stage and abad's mother who was also here the shabas and he said that avad Coen was a Coen and a Coen is supposed to bring coronos and aad gave a corbon he was the corbon he was the corbon for cl and then he sang his song which begins he came from the place he came he went to the place that he went and he sang it as a tribute to co the Coen was Mak Corb he was that corbon he was that kados just unbelievable it's unbearable this pain every day including today of the losses of these soldiers and these incredible people but so many of them are malim are malim I could also post the video of of Ben ear's mother who at the schin with schlomo cats playing stopped schlomo cats in the middle of the music and looked around that room and said what are you doing why are there are so many sad faces this is a mother at the schim of her son who was killed in battle in Gaza and she says why are you all looking so sad we're going to bring the G that we need to remember then but we need to do it with happiness so she says stop leave you can't stay we're only gonna have the we're only gonna sing witho schlomo cats if you could do so with sadness but a sadness of sim theim these people are they're not to be believed you couldn't draw it up you can't make it up and I don't know they exist in any other people no criticism of any other people but Y in that moment showed that capacity to be a Mal to be a Mal was a that doesn't mean they don't have Moments by the way that they cry and they break down and they feel pain because they are humans they're human malim but for us they are unbelievably inspiring incredible malim incredible malim there's so much more but I want to get to some other things is our father still alive I'll tell you Sal that blew my mind different than what we always think and say listen to this when he says is my father still alive the moment ysf discloses his identity says he ceased to be a ruler over Israel seeding sovereignty to Yehuda Providence willed that Yosef would lose and Yehuda would win now is not the time but we do a disservice when we see this as some petty sibling rivalry this was a clash of Titans this was worldviews and philosophies this was something enormous this wasn't Petty sibling rivalry between Yehuda and Yosef the brothers and ysf this was a Clash of Titans and a clash of ideologies and World Views and Providence will Hashem ultimately chose that as much as we love and admire and invoke ysf Yosef sadik who is the father of Jewish monarchy it is Yehuda to understand this drama says the r we must retrace the story of yov Lan had two daughters Leia and ra yob loved ra very much and tells Lan he is ready to serve seven years for her ra certainly reciprocated yakov's love yet she acquiesced to the scheme devised by love and to substitute Leia not only did ra not tell yob about her father's plan but she cooperated in the conspiracy sharing the p word with Leia how could ra participate in this deceit how could she forgo her love for and Devotion to Yakov this narrative involves two attributes of the Holy One and the r is about to go 2.0 the r is about to go deep deep deep not just the sweet story ra Leia she gave the it was a great Act of there's something much deeper going on over here Leia represents midur dignity and Majesty of man her cooperation with lanin demonstrates courage and Valor right here's a woman who's going after what she wants she shows courage and Valor and a little bit ofah R was the opposite of Leia she's the tragic heroin who lived for others she surrendered her rights so others could find the happiness denied to them ra represents Yehuda was the son of Leah his personality radiated Power Authority Prestige yakob described him as a lion the warrior who relentlessly pursues his enemies consider the firmness and Majestic fearlessness yud exhibited when he argued with ysf about bamin after all the vicy could have done anything to him Yosef on the other hand is the son of Rael his mission was to sacrifice to retreat from hard one positions he sacrificed many times but his real sacrifice was the way he treated his brothers when they were at his Mercy only a son of raal could offer friendship and kindness to the same brothers who had caused him so much misery yose personified who would be the king the almighty decided in favor of the son who represented gura the king is the trustee and leader of the people he must display gura in all respects the ability to acquire to defend to possess to protect a life sacrificed for others a life of is appropriate for the individual but the king cannot sacrifice at the expense of the nation in this moment it's an amazing interpretation now the r is not saying this but K he's almost saying had yose said Off With Their Heads then he should have been the father of Jewish monarchy but because he was soft and sweet and gentle and generous and he said like his mother ra I'm forgiving we could try again and let's be brothers by the he never got his wish fulfilled that's a fast forward to next week's para but he never got that relationship with the brothers he wanted he wished and he waited and he longed and he tried but he never got it but he was so forgiving and soft and the r says that of RA that y was that's beautiful on the individual level but on the national level the communal level the leadership level you need a lion you need Yehuda you know I think of this and I'm not trying to connect these dotts for you but if you're in charge of Israel right now so the individual hears the pleas of families of hostages or has to make decisions how could you send boys into to war on the individual level you have Aras on soldiers so a ceasefire is very attractive in the individual level anything to bring hostages home anything whoever and whatever you have to release on the individual R level the Y level the level it's very attractive but the Jewish people if we've learned one lesson from October 7th and how the people who perpetrated this were in position to do so it's because maybe we had a little too much ra a little too much yose and we need a little more Yehuda we need a little more Leia we need a little more gura and a little less on the individual Les level all over Israel right now P soldiers cookies tias on the individual level we need a nation filled with ra a nation filled with y but in the decision Maker's office we need a Yehuda we need a lion we need gura and that's what that's not my interpretation or of salek salek is saying that's what the rebon pasin in that moment in those words an y ysf sealed his fate that he would not be the father of monarchy it's fascinating right because we've always read that Yosef is the hero he's so gracious so generous and and for the r yose a little bit missed the opportunity no he didn't it's who he's meant to be it's what he brings to the table but to a degree Yehuda now surpasses Hashem pasin like Yehuda because that's what our people that's what our people ultimately need and what I need is another hour at least we did about onethird of the things I wanted to tell you para is amazing it's rich with there's so much he tells them don't be sad don't be sad why shouldn't they be sad they should be terribly sad they should be grief stricken they should be broken over what they did and who they were and how they've heard him why shouldn't they be said why shouldn't they be said they should be terribly said where's the Jewish guilt should be making them feel guilty should be laying it on thick of course they should be said of course they should be said so can we end with this you give me one more minute of course they should be said so why does he say don't be said I'll so I'll just tell you one thing he quotes from the the word always means anyone know likees the word said V we have words that always have an association with them V is always CH so what now while you're doing chuva he turns to his brothers and he says while you're replying everything right now or being overwhelmed with shame and guilt right now don't be sad because atas sadness it's Kryptonite sadness is the worst it brings about our ends it debilitates it knocks us down it makes us feel low if you really want to come back stronger rise above it learn from it transform you want to do chva Al you can never be sad we make the mistake in the WR time of thinking this Friday a fast oh I have to walk around like this all day sad and somber and sad and chuv no chuva is I'm Gonna Change I'm gonna transform I'm gonna be better my Best Is Yet To Come the very methodology the very strategy you know how you do and every every Mitzvah has to be done and if CH is also a Mitzvah it too needs to be done it needs to be D and that's what I said my friend my friend I told you was debilitated and broken and sad by facing and confronting the reality of a situation that he created through his own mistakes I sent him picture of this this my dear friend and now you're doing cha you want to be better you want to fix you want to repair I'll you can never do it out of sadness never out of sadness that's what Ben's mother said we're sad we're sad at his loss we're grieving but we're grieving stop looking so sad sing and you have to sing grief but it's it's Angelic that's what are capable of and that's who we are we're able to be we should have no more sadness and only Sim should be a day that we hear good things please stay and remain take the fly so you remember to come shabas ER Brown please stay and say a few of to