Parsha Perspectives for Today (Ki Seitzei, 5782) - Unapologetic Truth

as a thank you to brs for all the wonderful shiurim which we are grateful and honored and privileged to be able to share together with you we have the privilege this week of reading and of learning parshas ki seitze page 1046 in the girl stone hummish a reminder if you've not signed up yet for our one-on-one campaign a minute a day of learning a dollar a day in the merit of estimates last week we had jonathan doant the founder of daily giving on behind the bema and he spoke all about that amazing amazing organization and program many responded and even more money is being given out every day you could join brsonline.org one on one join and learn a minute a day give a dollar a day and you can be the difference maker please god and a refusal for esther and all those who are okay and you go out to war against your enemies and god places the enemy in your hands the chavista chavio and you uh capture into captivity a woman so an interesting question we will not get into but i share with you for your careful consideration he says when which part of the war not a trick question the beginning he said say when you go out and the text then continues to tell us and the enemies placed in your hand when does that happen that's the end of a war you persevere you triumph you win when you capture the enemy so why do we couch capturing the enemy as ki say sayla milhama as the very beginning of the war chronologically it doesn't seem to make sense in the way the positive is presented but that is not our topic for this morning torah continues and among those who are taken captive you find a beautiful woman a woman who's objectively beautiful and you long for her you desire her you take her to you as a wife bring her into your home and now rather than try to promote attraction and intimacy and romance and love torah endorses the exact opposite the gilchrist you should bring her into your home shave her head let her nails grow she becomes repulsive undesirous to you in order to break that relationship torah tells us why it's a non-jewish captive so somebody you take is the result of a war and normally she's out of reach normally she is somebody who's not who's out of bounds and yet the torah here gives permission why rashid quotes lo dibra torah ellicott negate sahara because the torah speaks to a person's yatzahara torah understands a soldier at war and we know throughout time that soldiers and armies and at war their moral boundaries were somewhat blurred maybe not in the context of war but in relationships wherever they were they are a soldier who is on the front line a soldier is fighting maybe even put in a position to have to kill in order to defend that soldier is nourishing the most carnal part of who they are and with that comes out often an animal instinct and animal personality so much of the soldier emerges and comes out so torah understands that this soldier has certain drive certain temptation and the torah speaks to lo dibra torah ella can negotiate sahara the torah is not describing or legislating regulating a utopian society a perfect world torah's not talking to a world the way we wish it were torah's talking to the world the way it is the reality of the world the way it is and the reality is we live with temptation we're made up of a godly soul of godly spirit but we also have an animal impulse in animal drive and animal desire the torah doesn't say don't be an animal be a godly soul torah doesn't say it's illegitimate or dismiss or purge it or deny it torah says we live in a real world we're real people we're fallible we make mistakes we have failures and shortcomings sahara torah is not speaking to a perfect world speaking to a real world a real world it's interesting the gemara lists several things that were created bananas kamara gives us a list of things that god created even before the world was created banished means on the eve on the cusp of creation god introduced to the world certain ideas certain objects that transcend the world that are so critical they are core components of the world they were created even before creation the donkey of billam for example and many others one of the things that god created before the world was shiva chuva on that list of things is chuva what is chuva repentance repair return restoring why why did he create that before the creation of the world it's a very deep and a very profound message and lesson there that hashem didn't create shuva as a concession it's not that he created the world and he put us in it and he said look it's a perfect world be perfect people turns out we struggled turns out we have temptation turns out we tripped on ourselves so he said what can i do i have no choice as a responsible reaction as a concession i'll give you chuva i'll give you this means this medium to repair no god said even before the creation of the world i know you're not perfect i know you're fallible i know mistakes will happen i know mistakes will come and therefore it creates chuva before it creates the world it's very validating i find it very empowering that when we make mistakes there's a way back don't compound those mistakes don't become disheartened and despair don't give up and feel like an utter failure don't feel like i'm supposed to be perfect why can't i measure up but recognize and realize we're imperfect people in an imperfect world and god gave us the perfect tools to navigate and to come back he gave us chuva even before the creation of the world i just mentioned the other night that i discussed one of the reasons that we break i said this in another recently oh in in the ammunition one of the reasons we break the glass under the chuppah many reasons are offered many are given we're not going to review them all but one i find powerful is we turn to the in kala we say right now under the hope everything seems majestic and beautiful and royal and regal and you're madly in love and all you see is each other as perfect and even the imperfections you dismiss is as wonderful cute and adorable idiosyncrasies but you need to know before you leave the chuppah we break something because we want you to know something's going to break life's not perfect it's not smooth sailing it's not linear and upward life's ups and downs they're moments of being whole and moments of feeling broken so before we leave this group and before you have this illusion that you're going to have some utopian and perfect marriage and world and then what happens the first sign of tension or trouble the first fight ah i guess i'm out i guess it's over i guess it's not meant to be because in the books i read the movies i watched that's not supposed to happen so what do we do before we leave the chuppah we break a glass we smash a glass something breaks even before you begin to know there will be broken moments that hashem gave us chuva before he created the world we acknowledge brokenness even before you walk away from your lo dibra torah ella to negotiate sahara the torah was not authored as utopian literature the torah is real world how to navigate a real world that's complicated and it's filled with complicated things and nuanced and and and gray shemina if hashem wouldn't have allowed it then this soldier would have indulged their impulse and would have pursued and married this woman and would have done it in a forbidden way so i saw a beautiful insight rable blopian shiva of gateshead yeshua who how do we really understand the rashi the torah doesn't describe a perfect world a utopian society lo dibra tora ella can negotiate sahara good i understand the torah is speaking to our yate sahara but then rashi says had god not allowed it we would have gone forward with it and done it sir how was that speaking to the atara the tahara wanted her itara was going to take her ichigara was going to take her in a prohibited way so now the attar is taking her in a permissible way but it's still the eight sahara that drives this relationship and this pursuit said what did we accomplish by making it permissible so he says such a powerful insight what would have happened if the soldier would have taken the woman bisser what would have happened the soldier took the woman when he was prohibited too you know what our nature our tendency is our instinct is that when we violate that boundary when we do something wrong we give up on ourselves and it spirals down we say you know i'm not competent i'm not capable clearly i'm a reject so why bother trying why bother even doing it we see this all the time somebody who watches something inappropriate acts out inappropriately someone who's imperfect outside of school says what am i going to go to minion what am i going to learn go to the daf what am i going to go to the women's mid-rasha but i speak la shanhara or i'm struggling with this other area so we see ourselves as inadequate and then that spirals down so that's the little dibratora elekin yetzahara had you thought it was oscar and you crossed that line now you give up on yourself and you would you would become even further distanced that's what it means that kavanaugh didn't target we do all we can to avoid a person seeing themselves as i'm an avaryan i'm a transgressor i'm a violator i'm a low life so if i'm a low life i might as well be a low life nebach there are so many people lost to yiddishkai who had a negative experience with a teacher with a rebbe with a parent who said to them if you do that you're shay gets your cuts you're a guy you're an avaryan you're a low life so they say to themselves i i did that i had that yet i guess now i'm ashay gets i might as well be ashagits i might as well be ashagits i guess if i'm ashay gets i i might as well live like a sheikhit and that's we don't believe that that's not true that's not true there's no such thing we believe that we're good people and pure people and godly people who make mistakes and we have to eliminate and purge the bad behavior we're not bad people so if a person feels i did something to they'll see themselves as an avaryan i'm ashay gets if i'm shaygets i might as well be a shaygitz you say you're not a sheikh it's you're a prince a princess you're a holy child of hashem you're a bento or a boss so you made a mistake you made a mistake you're human you're fallible you made a mistake but it's okay you can come back the gift and the beauty of chuva rashford says there if you do marry her though now the torah says it's permissible so first of all we eliminated the forbidden fruit component now that it's permissible you won't want it as badly because if you want her and you follow through and you marry her you'll come to haiti says why do we have the juxtaposition of this case of the soldier who pursues a relationship that's not really appropriate for him and that follows closely by the ben sora omora the rebellious child the child who goes and veers off the path sort of isaac share the rashem of slovakia says this is the one place where the torah says we allow you to do it why because if we wouldn't say it's permissible you would do it anyway and you would do it sir it says of isaac share what does that tell us about every other place from the torah says you're not allowed to do something what does it mean it means we have the ability to observe hashem's law this was a test we couldn't pass so hashem says it's fine hashem says i'll allow it why because if i disallow it that would be a test you can't pass i can't give you a test you can't pass i'll allow it says of isaac sure what does it say about every other issa you could pass it we have it in us we can be disciplined we can be dignified we can rise to that level to that challenge we could be those people we're meant to be that we're capable of being if this is the one exception then it means every other mitzvah is the rule and what is the rule the rule is we have it within us we have that ability we can rise to that occasion what happens with this woman torah continues we do everything we can to make her unattractive and repulsive to make her long and miss her home and to make you not follow through and consummate this relationship we remove her garment she sits in your house she cries for her father and mother for a full month and after she shaves her head lets her nails grow cries for her mommy and daddy for a full month and you still want it the torah is willing to thank you all the zohar akada says on these words she cries for her mother and father what does a month we give her that time you watch it you witness that you're aggravated by it we make that atmosphere a month zak zawa kader says which month this is an allusion to the month of el what does that mean the laws of israel only apply in the month of elul is that what it means says the following it's not what it means what's the zohar alluding to yerachia mim we know that the yamam narayan the high holidays are called islam that's an illusion a name so yerach yamim is an allusion to the month of elul what does it mean we're not suggesting we are referencing we're crying what is what is driving those tears regret remorse guilt shame maybe those are good qualities maybe bad qualities we'll talk more about that as ello progresses and into the um the rhyme not necessarily good maybe parts of them good guilt shame regret remorse but that's not what we're talking about why is she crying she's not sitting there crying out of regret remorse shame and guilt why is she crying the posix says who does she miss her mother and father why is she crying because she's far away she's far apart and what does she want she longs to go home i just want to be close to my mother and father i just want to feel their embrace i just want to be in the shadow i just want to be close to them what is the zoho are telling us what is the atmosphere of elo elo's not walking around beating ourselves up elo is not knocking ourselves down ella is not thinking less of ourselves ella's not about guilt and shame what is l about shem i've strayed far away i've grown distant i veered off the path we should feel a sense of crying i just want to be close to you again i just want to be close the preparation for you you're my father abba tati dad i feel so far away it's been so long since we spoke we haven't spent any time together i just want to be close again so unlike what we think that ello is a harsh time a fear shaking and trembling is a time that we're worried about consequence and accountability that ello's regret remorse shame guilt says while elders about love and l is about longing the tears are not tears of guilt and shame the tears are tears of i miss you i want to come home i want to feel close i want to feel your protection i want your wisdom and your guidance i want to feel i'm under your shade i long for you i miss you i want to come home mama have also i love takrivo i love that missing that longing is the first step to coming home to coming home we come from a position of love not a fear we return when you love your father and you want to come on but your father says but we've got to repair the relationship we've got some work to do you're accountable for some mistakes you make you say no problem i'm in i'll work on it i'll do it because i want to come home because i miss you but it begins not with fear begins with love begins we cry because we miss our father i'll give you a little preview sitter snippets fast forward a little bit why is hashem having a sword before slack why is hashivenu first maybe first we should say slacklawn of vinasham forgive me and now ashibain avenue bring me close to your torah harold said suva why i want some beautiful insight we're going to repeat this sitter snippets i'm giving you the warning and i won't feel bad about it why because means i made a mistake and you're gonna hold me accountable and now i'm sittering i'm i'm trembling what's the punishment gonna be please slack please judge let me off the hook judge give me time served judge purge my file let me go hasheveno avino means i want to come close to you i made a mistake that put distance between me and you it pushed me far away and i longed to come close we say hashiveno avinu first before slaklanu because hashem whether forgive me or not whether you let me off the hook or not whether you remove the punishment or not i want to come close to you so it's not hashibenu unconditioned that's not if you forgive me and remove and eliminate the punishment then i want to come close i want to come close i hope also that i'll earn favor and forgiveness that you'll eliminate the punishment but even if you don't and even if i have to be held accountable hashevenugo i want to come close we're working on avinu you're my father you're my parent i miss you i love you that should be the theme and the atmosphere that we create during this during this time here the torah tells us in the laws of inheritance man has two wives when he loves one he hates this is the precursor to the bensura umura the halacha is that the eldest child gets pisnayam not the eldest child i just said that inaccurately the eldest son if the oldest child is a bachor is a boy then the boy gets pissed why that seems terribly unfair because he has the good fortune of the birth order he gets a double portion what does that mean he gets a double portion it means that if there are four children you divide the estate in five and he gets two fifths and the other three brothers get one fifth that's how you calculate that's how you calibrate but why why should he get peach name why should he get pete's schneiderman otzer plow satora a stick book i love that has obscured fascinating interesting ideas on the parasha very hard to find on varam very hard to find but my buddy mandy fishman finds farm that are hard find and i got a package from the mail last week he sent it to me so thank you as always he quotes him who says an amazing remis rama zappala palabini the word every letter of the word is a double letter base is two two times one half is twenty two times ten raise is two hundred two twenty two 200. implicit embedded in the word bahor is the notion of double double the notion of double ah you'll say but we spell bachor with a vav above is six how is that double two twenty two hundred i'm in you lose me at the v how do you spell vov if you were to spell out the word the name of how do you spell it vavav it's double double love is double sabes is double and huff is double ratio is double and vav is spelled vavav which is double and they say in the name of the grow who says the name is the free very enigmatically simply says how do you know the eldest son gets a double portion kismo kenu as his name so is he what what does that mean that's how you understand the guru that's and that's how you can understand the gra's interpretation of the safri his name why does he get a double portion it's not biased it's not discriminating against the other siblings in that society at that time it was structured in such a way that the bahar bore the responsibility of taking the place of the parent of the father if the father created a dowry for the daughters supported them until they were married guided the sons until they were taught a livelihood taught them how to swim bless you so the bihor took on the responsibility of the father how what enabled him to do so how did he have how did he have the resources to do so he inherited a double portion not because he was privileged he didn't use that double portion on a yacht or a private plane he didn't use that double portion to upgrade himself while the rest of his siblings sat in the back and coach it meant he had a double portion because he had a greater responsibility for the younger siblings today society is not structured the same way often it is but not necessarily so today posts can actually say i have a postman have told me directly that when a person is doing their estate planning they should specifically not structure it even though the torah says boys inherit girls don't the older son gets a double portion more than the other sons why it will create animosity you do not want your children fighting when you're gone you want them feeling a great sense of unity which is why a person should do estate planning someone recently asked me who lost a loved one very abruptly the father and the father did not have a will father did not to estate planning and he has an older brother and the older brother says he didn't do any estate planning didn't leave a will i guess we go back to the halacha from the torah i get a double portion kishmokenu double portion so one of the younger brothers asked me is that true is that accurate halachically if there was no plan do we do we revert back to the way the torah says should he get the does he get the double portion so today it's interesting though and we have halachically creative ways to avoid we're not violating the torah's prescription if you're more interested in the subject you could find online for the afternoon colo we did like six or eight shirim on the torah laws of yerusha how do we make sure that daughters get an even portion to sons even though from the torah daughters don't technically inherit their husbands should provide for them and the sons have to provide for their wives again nothing is discriminating it was a society that was structured economically very differently but now that we are different how do we ensure equity to avoid fights so there are halachic legal loopholes that we use but i thought it was interesting that the word behor kashmir keno has that notion of double embedded in it turn the page now we have pesha's kise has a long litany of what seems to be various and diverse and one of our challenges is to find the commonality what is the thread that binds all these diverse halachas throughout don't see the axe of your brother or sheep or his goat cast off you can't find an animal your friend lost their animal their animal veered off the path and you're going to this alam to mayhem you're going to cover your eyes you're going to look away you're going to pretend you don't see it you see that old time there's a spill there's garbage on the floor some people you know walk sideways they look the other way they pretend they don't see it nobody wants to have to go to the trouble of inconveniencing themselves torah says inconvenience yourself hashem this is the torah source of the mitzvah of i've said many times and i really believe the beauty of our sacred torah and a torah society society guided and formed and inspired by torah values what does it mean to be a good american what's a good american you vote you didn't murder you didn't kill you didn't steal you didn't rape you didn't pillage you don't discriminate pay your taxes you're a good american you're a good american are you actually good you're not good you're just not bad really we should put you on a pedestal because you didn't murder rape pillage riot that makes you good our standard our bar is very low not american any secular society european every country to be a good citizen is to not do bad torah comes along and says no to be a good citizen you have to be good you have to be good according to american law if i find the lost object do i have to look for its owner i can't steal but i can walk by it pretend i don't see it i don't have to stop and inconvenience myself and trouble myself if somebody's having a heart attack in the middle of the street i can step right over them which happens in many cities in america today and i'm not obligated to stop and to try to revive them or save them or intervene on their behalf you don't have to actually be good you just have to not be bad taro comes along and says no no no trying to create a godly society in a godly society our bar is not just don't be bad our standard is be good be good you can't stand idly by while your brother's blood is threatened it's being spilled you got to intervene intercede you've got to do whatever you can that's true not only for your brother your sister's blood it's true for their objects the mark gives an example you see there's a flood and it washes away your neighbor's property and you can grab it before it disappears you got to grab it your neighbor you could bring in their furniture because god forbid belian a hurricane's coming you bring in their furniture means not only their being but it means their property so similarly here hashev to shiveem yeah it's inconvenient found that lost object not even suggesting you want to take it for yourself you want to pretend you didn't see it man you can't pretend you didn't see it you have to return it has a beautiful insight on this says if that's true for their object and we're not going to take the time because we've quoted this previously you could look at inside he actually analyzed each word shor he says it's true for objects you know what's true for all the more if your friend your neighbor lost something you got to give back what if your neighbor is the lost object what if your neighbor is a lost soul and you could return that neighbor to achicha god is our brother and he lost means a lost wandering there are lost souls we live in a county palm beach county has a quarter of a million jews boca has 130 000 jews 92 of which are unaffiliated and you know what it means to be affiliated if you work out at the jcc and you never step foot in the synagogue for the purpose of that demographic study you're affiliated and despite that low definition 92 unaffiliated rate every time you shop at supermarket you're running into a lost soul who bagels you so the salamta i'm guilty as well you're on the line at costco and someone behind you goes ivey you know when is this happens this time of year by the way someone said they'll see you say when is rosh hashanah again or on a monday good shabbos it's monday they want you to know you're jewish that's what bageling means they want you to know they're jewish they're screaming out i'm lost help me come back to my owner help me back to ahika to your brother so vegas you're going to bury your head you're going to ignore you're going to pretend you didn't hear that you're going to invite them for a shabbos meal you're going to tell them about rabbi brodie's explanatory service are you going to do what you can to bring them back the origami says if you have to return property to its owner then imagine the obligation the responsibility the opportunity that we have to return or help we can't take responsibility but to do what we can to help return people lost souls it's the language we use in the vernacular we describe someone people describe themselves as i'm a lost soul people are lost souls we have to bring them back but i want to quote a megan yosef ryoza surotskin megan joseph says the following hazard tells the german condition is based on the assumption sociological assumption that the man pursues the woman i know we're living in new times bizarre times unfamiliar times i'm not sure what you're allowed to say what you can't say and my partial class get cancelled whatever you'll still come but the gemara says that built into the psyche is that the man pursues the woman is the pursuit the man chases and the woman is the one who's chased the man is the hunter and she is the hunted not the hunt comparison but in the very psyche of a person nimsho balaveda and the gemara there says what's it like like a person who's lost something and they're searching their longing for it at birth even before birth young code meets a lot 40 days before we've even been conceived a heavenly voice went out and already proclaimed so and so will marry so and so why is it so tough to find it then why do we have so many shidduch initiatives and crisis and challenges that's of our own doing i think we've added layers that make it more complicated if we peel back and remove the layers we can go back to letting hashem do his job but that's my editorial comment aside but the gemara says what is courtship and pursuit what is it like in two someone has lost something and now they're searching for it now they're searching for it says what do we sing someone gets married what's the song why do we greet and wish people at why is the greeting the expression simentov um if you look on top of a tanayam the document sementova mazeltov meniksubus simintovo mazeltov many wedding invitations system and tova masaltov what's with the sementova mazeltov khalkharishan mazatov movan shitokimashimo we're wishing this young couple mazel tov you're beginning a new life you're building a new home we wish you good mazel may you have good mazel in this marriage in this courtship in this new family in this new home mazel tov may you have good favorable mazel simmon what is a simmon so listen to this insight of the mega yosef in the suggest veda the parent if an object is lost and has a simmon a defining characteristic a feature something that the owner would know and could identify then you're obligated to return it to announce it you can't simply keep it and there are gemara there and eliminates lists delineates different types of simone different types of signs simmon mufak simon shaina mufak simon darysis are created equal somebody dropped a 100 bill so should they have memorized the serial number on the bill is the expectation they only get it back if they could tell us the serial number what if there's a little challenge on the end of the bill because they were counting their money as they ate the leftovers on sunday night and now they're the only one who knows check out that benjamin there's a little stick of benjamin's eating a little cello so is that a good cinnamon so there's different types of simon i'm not also perishable um so how do we know if this really belongs to you how well acquainted are you with it how closely do you know it how how easily can you can you recognize it so once a minute is i lost 100 bill i i don't remember serial number i don't remember if it was folded or wrinkled i don't remember if it was ironed and it's flat i don't remember much about it i think episode remember the corner was turned down i don't have much of its fiasco and i don't remember much of a simmon i'm not positive it's mine that's one low level then there's a simmon that says i know that object that that's mine i know it exactly i know it's on it i could describe it i am certain i have a hundred percent confidence not all shimano are equal and therefore not all hashabas aveda is equal and that's why since the shirakh is likened in the gemara to ashavasa veda the hassan the boy in the pursuit of this courtship should feel i've lost something because it was already proclaimed from heaven we're meant to be together it's not that i need to find someone to convince them to marry me i have a basher to someone out for me we were once our souls were once bound together in heaven we're two halves of a whole but we were separated at birth and now i'm looking for my other half i'm looking to be completed how will i know how do i know if that's my other half the simmon so we wish you simon tov may it be a simmon that you feel confidence and surety that you absolutely are convinced it's yours may you have no doubt on the simmon may not be equivocal on the simmon may you not be filled with any may you feel a hundred percent confident in the semen she is simon that when they stand under they should do so with an attitude that cementov um i have a simmon this is my basher this is my one i know it parenthetically we also say to hassan what's one of the shava brachas we wish them the bracha may your love ring may be as beautiful as gane denmark who got married why do we wish the marriage be as great as adam and chava in kane bianca leglinski says because they didn't have parents or in-laws there was no one to interfere we wish you a bracha should have a beautiful marriage nobody to interfere that's what he says but i say when i when i say this let me ask you a question adam so today a boy gets i had a phone call last night with a person who runs a shit-off program we're working on expanding we have a great idea for a shidduch initiative she said that boys get on average 45 resumes a week a week resumes ridiculous word ridiculous process voice girls if they get once every a few months they're grateful to get one so adam did we get 45 resumes a day did he have sharkhand calling him off the hook did he have to choose which profile which resume did he look at the pick did he nix the pic did he did he no did have a sit there waiting by the phone maybe there'll be a boy maybe someone will think of me maybe i'll get a date i can't say no if i say no they'll never think of me again even though i know he's not shy or adamant plagued by the shirak process adam knew there was one girl literally in the entire world chaven knew there was one boy literally in the entire world they didn't doubt they didn't hesitate they didn't do reference checks and reference phone calls dna samples pharmacy investigations adam new java was it may your love feel that you know this is it simentov may you feel a simmon this is it a hundred percent confidence no doubt certainty by the way if you don't rush through it you could feel that a little bit more when you have to feel pressure cooker you got to get engaged by a certain date so how could you have a simmon you could barely remember their name you don't know how to spell the name how do you have a simmon that this is your basher if you don't even know much about them you need to grow to learn the semen so you could have a sementov and then it could be a mazel tov anyway i don't know why we're talking all about marriage today but if you have to speak at uh someone shove a breakfast we're giving you some good stuff okay hashem to shave him so hashem to save said if you return an object all the more so return the soul that's lost says the hash of saveda is the attitude we have when it comes to shidduchim and that's why we say simintov if you say this vote out of shavuracha nobody knows why we say cemetov you're going to you're going to you're going to get us you don't seem nearly as impressed or as excited as i am you don't deserve to say it you don't deserve the uzanas i hereby take it back you cannot see the ox of the donkey of your brother or zocks falling on the road and hide yourself you have to help them up same thing same thing incredible story that happened last week a young man from our community was riding his bicycle across the ttb at yeshiva across the meta park road he was riding his bicycle as he does every morning going to school and a deranged man who had recently been released from prison attacked him on his bicycle started attacking him punching him and a stranger stopped his car pulled over pulled the man off of him until the police came the police had to tase the man that's how deranged he was and put him in and put him in prison and thank god this young man physically is okay but you can imagine is traumatized by that incident hakeem takimimo what a hero i don't know who that man is we should find his identity in honor of kiddish at the shul i don't know if he was jewish non-jewish saw the boys yamaka so i have a very simple question for you would you pull over would you pull over and jump in harm's way and pull a deranged man off a child i'll ask you a much simpler question you're driving on the road this one happens all the time someone's got a flat someone has a dead battery do you look the other way because you don't want to see because you don't want to live with the guilt hakeem takimimo torah says he can't be islam to mayhem again judaism doesn't believe in a society where you're good because you didn't run over somebody you're good when you didn't close your eyes to someone who needs you hakeem takimimo you have to help them you have to help somebody that's the world that we live in it's the world that we live in for the most part we do beautifully this is the story it's a true story about a non-jew who kept the yamaku in his glove compartment lived in new york and his friend asked him you're not jewish why do you have a yarmulke in your glove compartment and he said because if i ever get a flat tire or a battery i know that if i put that on someone's going to stop and help me i know that so he keeps it that was before khader in manhattan we've now formalized it with phone numbers and key chains and walkie-talkies but even before that hopefully the way the world thought of us was that a yid gets a flat tire a stranger another jew sees that hakeem takimimo now the posix says you can't look away you have to help hakeem take what's the most important word emo clicker talks all about this in the sucka i think we talked about it last year so i won't repeat it with him if he's sitting in a recliner next to his broken down car sipping a pina colada and he wants you to come and bend down and jack up the car and change the tire while he sips the pina colada and checks instagram then you're not obligated to stop and help him hakeem take him emo the client says the same issue with staka the guy who sits back and says you know everyone's saying stukka i started a gofundme i started a gofundme everybody transfer your money into my account i'm going to sit back and sip a pina colada even when it comes to you help a person who's trying to help themselves if someone's not trying to help themselves then we're not obligated to try to help them we help those who try to help themselves i want to share with you an insight from the kotzker from a brand new book that came out from my dear friend rabbi moshe shakit our own rabbi shakka here at brs head of school of haddad high school for girls brand new this is hot off the press ouch rabbi moshe shaka it's a brand new book timeless torah inspiring messages from the parsha short very short beautiful timeless messages you can buy it on amazon i don't get a piece of it but you can get it on amazon beautiful and you say for a timeless torah you know how i know it's good i know it's good because there's a beautiful haskamma in the beginning from the rabbi booker tonight anyway it's a great safer time with torah and you'll get different beautiful vote lock to say in the parsha every week you get it on amazon so he says on this posik rashi says on the words emo with him if the owner of the fallen animal stands idly by and tells the person who comes to help him should lift the animal up by himself it's his mitzvah person's not obligated person who wants to help is only required to help if the owner is emo with him the owner has to do some of the work as well the katskaraba in oal torah points out that the same way a person doesn't have to help if the owner himself isn't helping similarly hashem only helps those who help themselves emo the gemara shabbos of dal teaches habali tire messiah oh so once a person begins making an effort in changing themselves then and only then will hashem step in you sit back and you say hashem i want to wake up tomorrow morning thin hashem i want to wake up tomorrow morning and download shas in my head hashem i want to wake up tomorrow morning and make me never get angry make me not feel jealous or envious doesn't work that way we don't have wishes and dreams you make resolutions to change so only have bully tire make the effort we have a resolution with a plan we take that first step he meets us halfway more than halfway and he helps us it's easy for us to make excuses why we can't change as the cuts go rabbit teaches us right so may shock it well hashem will help us along the way change must begin with us there's no better time than elo to take ownership of who we are and who we want to be once we gain that clarity hashem will be there with us each step of the way short beautiful thoughtful inspiring each of these insights the qatar says just like we only have to help someone who's helping themselves hashem only helps us when we help ourselves the dalai lama once bought a hot dog from a vendor manhattan and they gave the vendor a five dollar bill and the vendor didn't get back any change so the dalai lama asked him what happened to my change and the vendor said change begins within didn't even laugh nothing nothing anyway change has to begin within change has to begin within i came to i don't know why i bother at least the people online don't disappoint me i can't even see them i don't know they're not laughing i don't know they're not excited hey anyway i gotta bring the granola guavas back you guys need a little something many would skip this pasta today's time because again it's politically incorrect difficult but i'm a very big believer that and i think there's a vacuum of voices who are courageously sensitively respectfully but accurately standing up to represent hashem's vision for this world as the world around us is increasingly confused and chaotic and unfamiliar and unrecognizable we need for ourselves and our children and our grandchildren to stop and say this is what we believe we respect we love we make space we're sensitive but this is what we believe and we're not apologetic and we're not defensive for it we have to be able to read this puzzle without lowering our voice a woman can't wear a man's clothing a man can't wear a woman's clothing because that's repulsive to god that's an abomination to hashem now there are many things that are an abomination to hashem and our partial also we have dishonest weights and measures are an abomination we can't selectively invoke abomination some people selectively and very hatefully invoke abomination right there are segments of the community who call certain people they are the toevas that's horrific it's terrible we don't label people at toeva and we don't selectively invoke toeva you know what a toeve is if you're cheating in business you're a taweva if we want to call anyone a toyota it should be criminals people who cheat who are dishonest on their taxes who are indicted supposedly religious jews who are dishonest in business that's a tawefa you want to call anyone at toyota called them to eva but we don't call anyone into eva we call behavior to eva so torah says if you blur the boundaries between male and female masculine and feminine hashem says that's a toeva to me i set up the world in such a way i design the world that there's an equilibrium and a balance the world needs masculinity and femininity and when you blur that boundary and you erase that important difference you the world is imbalanced it's a problem you've corrupted the world hashem says i need you to preserve it i want you to preserve it and if you don't it's a toeva to me not the people but the behavior of not of not maintaining that boundary i'm not maintaining that boundary today we're living in a society that says if you believe in boundaries you're the toefa if you think that certain dress or modes of behavior or public acts are inappropriate society says you're the toiva but we should unapologetically and not defensively stand up and say we believe in god's vision for this world we'll defend it we'll advocate for it and we have no problem saying it that we have masculinity and femininity that doesn't mean that there aren't feminine men or masculine women but but on the whole we know what those qualities are and we care about them and the torah doesn't see one is better than the other and we don't offer apologetics to describe one as they're equal but different roles and we need both i used to when i would say this i used to say that just like physically it's undeniable that there are differences so too spiritually it's undeniable their differences i used to say and people would nod their heads yes because that's obvious and easy to understand just like biologically and anatomically we have differences so too spiritually we have differences in different roles no matter how badly a man is when the women start to shake their head at me so let's just pretend it's hypothetic but no matter how badly a man says i desperately want to know the experience of carrying a child within me i desperately want to know the experience of nourishing a baby from my own body so but biology and science say too bad i'm sorry that you want that i'm sorry that you wish you had it but you were built differently that's not your topic that's not your role it's undeniable because that's your body i used to be able to say that and people would nod their heads and that was easy and obvious to understand but the world around us is changing and it's not only true about clothing and dress that we have a difference and a distinction and that we maintain the two genders which you have two genders in the human species two genders in the animal kingdom there's even two genders in plant life there are two genders across everything zachar unakeva the almighty who created the world created zakhar unakeva masculine and feminine across all of creation and we have an obligation to preserve it to maintain it to keep the balance of it to enforce it and to uh and to promote it but it's not only true for dress it's true for behavior it changes this part is somewhat changes with society but can a man color his hair the gemara asks can a man look in the mirror looking in the mirror and caring about one's appearance was a feminine quality can men also look in the mirror i'm very strict i don't i don't make my hair up in the mirror very strict the locker is not only a halal concept but there's a meta-idea that comes from here include not only anatomy and biology but also and we're speaking broadly certain character traits a woman how do you say a woman in hebrew a recent why is a womb called a recent why is a woman a uterus called a recon because there's a maternal instinct there's a maternal compassion there's a maternal love there's the love of a mother which goes beyond anything else are there terrible mothers yes are there incredibly loving and affectionate fathers yes is it right or wrong to say men are taller than women it's an accurate statement men are taller than women it doesn't mean that there aren't some women that are taller than most men or men that are shorter than most women but on the whole it's accurate to say men are taller than women so it's also accurate to say that women are more compassionate they have and they bear within themselves literally a more exacting more strict justice the torah expresses this when it comes to the mitzvoth when it comes to honoring the father and mother who comes first the aim when it comes to fear oh who comes first mother why cause i'll tell us because your mother who takes care of you and you're sick makes you chicken soup and tucks you into bed and buys your favorite desserts and cares so much about you and forgives you and loves you and showers affection on you you're going to tend to honor her but you're not going to necessarily fear her so the torah has to say first the mother because you need to know that woman that you're so comfortable and casual with who's so affectionate and doting and loving to you you also have to have some healthy fear and awe of your father who he's the one you're afraid to come home and you bring that bad report card your mother but your father is the one that you fear so you don't need to be told fear your father but you know what you may not want to honor your father because he's the one who wakes you up and slaps you to shul and holds you accountable for your report card and makes you earn your own money and pay your it's the father the torah has to say but comes first honor your father so built into the torah halachas is this difference between the genders but and strength and justice sometimes we need to invoke flexibility and compassion and these are different qualities male and female and we need to know when to put on which wardrobe and which garb you're not allowed to mix the two there's an appropriate time for each because of alcacra binasan there are practices which are masculine in their practices which are feminine and we need to know when to invoke which there are times that even the man needs to act feminine the time of women need to ask masculine but we need to know which are masculine and which are feminine qualities davoning for example is i believe others explained that a woman can't be a judge a woman can't be a judge in a basin only men can be diana women can't wise discriminate we don't trust their judgment they're not as smart we're biased no there was an exception voter tosses already asks how could she had been a chauffetus a judge why was she the exception of what why was she an exception but some explain what do you have to do to be a judge you have to shut off your compassion to a degree it doesn't mean you're entirely a cold-hearted uncompassionate person but a judge is about knowing the law adjudicating the law and applying the law it's not about two people present to litigants but i feel so bad for that one they have so much less they're suffering so much more they have such more hardship i i just want to side with them so they say what a woman's not capable of shutting off her compassion a woman's not capable of invoking the strict law the answer is of course she is of course she is but we don't want her to we don't want her to there are different qualities and we need them to follow those different qualities according to the torah a man goes out to war not a woman do we want a man having a recom on his way out to war soldier on the other side the soldier was holding a missile launcher and facing it into your country against your civilians at that moment do we want you having compassion but i feel so bad maybe the soldier had a rough time maybe the enemy had a rough childhood maybe his mother wasn't nice to him maybe he was deprived maybe it was tough he'd never been to sleeping how could i how could i do this no the soldier in that moment has to be able to shut off their compassion and follow through on the order of what they need to do so in order this is part of how we manifest these different qualities of the different genders for those different roles one's not better or worse it has nothing to do with discrimination or bias it has to do with preserving those innate qualities because the world needs those roles and that's what nachman is saying is this pasuk this pasuk that we have to not apologize and not hide not erase not censor not cancel this is hashem's vision for this world that we have separate dress separate behavior separate qualities again doesn't mean there aren't exceptions to the rule but on the whole we need the equilibrium and balance between the two what else can we sneak in here let's sneak in and drop more oh let's sneak in a drop more remember what amalek did to you the very end of the parties some suffer holds of a person didn't hear amma didn't hear zach or before purim you could listen carefully if it's a leap year it's complicated it's 13 months later you didn't hear zakhar within the 112 months how you fulfill it remember what amali did to us why is the word should say zach remember what am i did why does it say to you you see that means each and every one of us there is that voice inside each and every one of us what's the voice of amalek the footner says amalek is you were on fire you were charged you were inspired you went to the hispodonus on the beach last week and it changed your life you found god you found the capacity to have a conversation with hashem you discovered your ability to be with yourself and know yourself you were on fire and then the next day someone said ah that's stupid you went to the beach that thing here's 100 reasons why it's dumb they doused your fire they extinguished their fire that was amalek we were on fire we were invigorated we were excited we were enthused and they splashed cold water on our fire they put out our fire their machala profane everything that we believe is holy so cesar zeidel epstein when we read this section of the shabbos we're not invoking history we're not remembering something that happened in the past it's we all have that voice also cynicism sarcasm that voice that says don't take it too seriously put out the fire because if we maintain that fire what it will mean for our lives so i put out the fire the danger and the threat of amalek looms for each and every one of us and the answer the antidote is to fight to erase that impact and influence of amalek and to persevere in this month of elol to want to draw close to our father just like the ifas towar to cry out this is elul to cry out and to want to come home continue tomorrow morning with mrs living with amuna tomorrow night big 100th episode behind the bema we'll be joined by eitan katz tomorrow night 100th episode you don't want to miss it you actually can email in or call in you can email or call in your favorite moments uh you can email behindthebeam gmail.com who was your favorite guest what was your favorite moment we're going to read or share it all on the 100th episode our listeners and our audience's favorite guests favorite moments favorite conversations favorite episodes at behindthebema gmail.com until next time first of all wake up second of all stay happy stay healthy and stay holy