Living with Emunah (Part 361)

Okay, good morning Boker to Kodesh to a good kodes. What better day to get restarted with living with amuna than on ro kodesh new beginnings new month a good gazunt every other Jewish greeting that we have they're also fantastic I want to thank as we always do begin with an attitude of gratitude I want to thank our series sponsor for the amunir Dr. Zavian Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbett and in memory of her mother Dr. Alan Shanzer. We remain deeply grateful to the Morgans for their generosity and their support. Our series is now also sponsored anonymously in memory of 30 fallen soldiers and alumni of Benet David Mak and Yeshivan Ali. And each week we're going to highlight another Hashem Yiko. 30 years old was reserve combat officer and elite unit. A husband and father of three. Brought good to the world. Was a social worker. Always strive to see the good in every person. So, we're grateful to that second series sponsor who's going to highlight another soldier each week. And this morning's particular show is dedicated by Gabriel Kaish to her amazing father on his 50th birthday. Happy birthday. 50 is the new 30. 50 is very young, her father. He should just know he's very young. Very young. Um, okay. So, it's great to be back together again. Amuna, we've been living with Amuna. Putting it into practice and play. I miss it when we don't learn when we're not together. I always tell you this is essentially a support group for me and you're kind enough to come and uh and listen and it means the world. So we're going to learn something new together. We finished the wonderful of which we didn't learn every chapter of but we happened to the last thing we learned in the last chapter translated into English. You can continue to read and learn it on your own. It is fantastic and he is fantastic. But he has another safer called the great the great Makub from Nahar in the north of Israel. So has another safer. It's all about prayer all about doning and it's also wonderful. So he has a chapter in here called Davening for Am. So I thought this is a great new limood, a great new thing for us to learn while we're on a streak. He does an amazing job of compiling very diverse Toras and sources and adding his own twist to it in a very uh in a very timely way in a way that resonates. So I'm looking forward to learning it. But we will begin as we always do with some emails that we've received over the last few weeks. Again, please continue to write. I read each and every one. They touch me and inspire me and many I'm able to share publicly and we get the feedback about the impact it has on others. So you may recall in the last living with Amunir which was Arav Kipper. It was class number 360. It was powerful for Arav Kipper. Maybe I should have saved it because it was a kind of a crazy time and I think more people should hear it. But we read the letter of a man, not to me, but a letter that someone had written to Hashem about how he's done and finished and walking away and that he can't hurt or punish Hashem. The only thing he could make him do is feel like he has a he's a father who has a child who turned his back. We read that powerful letter and I shared with you my response to that author and uh and later he disclosed himself no longer anonymous and the continued conversation that please God I will I will have with him. So I received a beautiful email. Thank you again for the deep inspiring truly enhances my relationship with Hashem. In Arab Kipper class you read a young man's letter to Hashem which was both devastating and moving. This may perhaps be out of bounds. I'm merely a stranger who listens and is inspired, but it felt compelled to write a response to the author because I was deeply pained by this young man's suffering. If Rabbi Goldberg feels it appropriate or meaningful to share with him, that's wonderful. Otherwise, my empathy and feelings for the individual remain notwithstanding. So, I want to share with you what this author wrote to share back to that young man. And if you didn't listen, it's the I think it's the last year, the most recent sharper to the author of the email. When I bego read your email in the Amish last week, your words pierced my heart. I sat and cried for your searing pain and suffering. I don't have answers and I don't know why things happen to people, but I do know one thing. You are truly extraordinary. How can you be anything but if you face challenge after challenge that could have knocked you down and you're still here standing? Beneath your painful yet powerful words clearly lies an even more powerful individual and soul. Your words reveal one who possesses incredible resilience, courage, sensitivity, determination, and truth. And I'm confident that wherever you go in life, you'll make a tremendous impact. The world is lucky to have you. Davin for your success and that you have the peace of mind and heart with deep admiration of fellow Jew who cares. I share that not because it's an amuna email in particular, but it's a email. One of the amazing things about our community, our movement, our Shia, our Amuna family is how often I read emails and then I get a flood of responses from people who say, "I want to help." You remember the email from the young woman in Israel who felt so lonely that she listened to the amunachir on Shabas. She had tremendous amuna, but Shabas was so painful and lonely that you can't imagine how many emails I got from people who said, "I want to have her. She's invited. She should never be alone whenever she's available. So, and this email, someone who heard the shir and didn't just continue cooking for Arab Kipper and didn't just move on with marking off the mer and didn't just move on with building the suka, but stopped and wrote an email and said, "If you feel to communicate it, these are the Israel emails. These are the emails about how special." So if you ever doubt our people, if you ever hesitate or pause about our perseverance and our future, just remember how blessed and privileged and fortunate and lucky we are to be part of the extraordinary extraordinary extraordinary people that we are that we are part of. Okay. So I'm a very serious email to a not light-hearted or less serious but a different tone. Hope you had a nice month of Mozim Kipar, a relatively new central AC stopped working. At first we were frustrated. It was only three months old and already breaking. But then said yesterday when it was very hot, at least it was still working over because we had a technician come Dimmitri. He was originally from Tajikhan. How bad did I pronounce that? >> Close enough. >> Close enough. But made aliyah many years ago. This is someone in living in Israel. He didn't look religious and was not wearing a kipa. I offered him a drink. He took it from me. Put a hand over his bare head and made a braha. We then offered him a cookie so he can make a brah in the suka and he said with a smile, "I believe in Hashem, but I don't do all the actions." I thought it was such a wake up moment. It gives perspective for so many who are not yet religious. And even for those who are, you can believe in Hashem and even make a braha even if you're still not prepared to do all the mitzvah. And that's okay. It's a process. It's also not all or nothing. Recognizing Hashem is a huge first step. I also noticed something similar looking at the number of apartments sukos build on balconies here complete with walls decorations and that are completely covered by a concrete balcony above them. Some might look at them and say, "What's the point? It's not a kosher suka. There's a balcony on top of them. Anyhost I look at these sukas and say how beautiful they want to sit in the suka and be close to Hashem, sit in his shade, even if they don't fully yet know how." Later that day, we had the bez technician Yehuda come to fix the internet. And again, he wasn't wearing a kipa. I also offered him a drink. And again, he put a hand over his bare head and made a braha. To which I said, "Amin." Again, we offered a cookie to make a bra on the Yehuda said he was really fine and the only reason he took a drink was so he could so that we could say a to his so right this is the yearight is coming the only would look and say not look at those pleas what pathetic Jews they don't even know how to build a suka you can't have a concrete balcony say Hashem look at your holy children that even when they can't see the sky they still want to build a holy suka look at these holy Jews even when They don't wear a yarmaka. They put their hand over their head only to make a braha so we could answer a m. And if there's anything we learned since October 7th and whether we're turning the corner or not, please God, we are continue to dab in the last 13 bodies should come home and the family should have have closure and comfort. But the aas is the that we have to have. Don't judge a Jew wearing a yarmaka, not wearing a yarmaka, sitting at a pussle suka, a kosher suka. We have no idea what's in their heart, who they are, their background, what they struggle with. Just like the young man who wrote me that email, you have no idea what people have overcome, what they navigate, and they're still here and they still show up. I told you that young man who wrote me that letter writing off God, I've never seen in my life a harsher rejection of the Almighty than that email, than that email. And then I saw him in shavening all of yum kipper and the next morning with his talis fill like what about the email that was reminiscent I don't remember if I said it last time but Ellie Wizelle has in one of his books when they put God on trial after the Holocaust a group of survivors put Hashem on trial the most powerful moment in that book is that the trial concludes and it finds God guilty and then someone gives a clap and says God is guilty. But quickly, it's time for And that's the mentality of certain Jews who've had to survive certain things is to find God guilty and still to him. Find God guilty. Where were you? Where are you? I rely on you. I depend on you. I need you. I have so many questions and I feel like turning my back and I find you guilty. and then give a clap no ma and for some that's the Jewish way and I would argue in some ways it's the highest and the holiest that's the most real because the people who are coasting through life they dive and the relationship with Hashem is not a roller coaster it has no ups and downs then you have to wonder how real the relationship is altogether there are marriage experts who will tell you that the couple who say you know we've been married 70 years and we've never fought we never disagreed we never fought we never had one difference. You get some award. I don't know which it is, but you wonder on the quality of that marriage because marriages, if they're real and authentic, they have ups and downs and differences, and you're navigating. And the same is the relationship with Hashem. And the question is, you don't use those as a pretense or pretext to walk away. You use it to propel you to come closer even those challenging moments. And the person who feels that pain and looks towards Hashem with it, looks towards Hashem with it. I think I told you also that the same week I got that email from that man, someone else told me in our shul whose mother is suffering terribly from Alzheimer's and father is her caretaker who didn't want to come to Kipper because he has real problems with God. Why he would do this to him and I said tell your father that he's not turning his back and failing in faith to Hashem. But the fact that he's so angry at Hashem means first of all that he believes in Hashem. That he believes Hashem is the reason his wife has dementia. He correlates what's happening in this world is coming from Hashem. And that he's disappointing in Hashem means he believes and thinks Hashem is in charge and in control of his life. That's what's called amuna. That's in many ways he has more than the person who's coasting and just all the lip service and saying all the right things but isn't really engaged. And he told me a few days later that gave his father enormous comfort and he decided he does want to lean in and connect to Hashem. And so I say this not because I don't want you to feel like you're a failure if you're good with Hashem and not angry at him. I'm not encouraging at some point today over the next week, find a way to get angry or disappointed in Hashem. [snorts] Shalom. That is not what I'm saying at all. Please don't misunderstand or misrepresent. What I'm saying is if you're living life in such a way that you're finding sometimes in the struggle navigating, know that sometimes that search, that yearning, that guilty verdict is an expression of amuna, not a breakdown of it. Because if we realize, you know, you're not disappointed in a figment of your imagination. You're not disappointed in an illusion. You're not disappointed in something made up or make believe. If you're disappointed, it's evidence that you really believe that you really believe. Okay, a couple more emails and we'll get to our new limud. I recently started listening to your living with it's really helped me. One of my favorite parts listening to the stories in the beginning. So, I thought I'd share a story that happened to me few weeks ago. I was heading back to my seminary from uh a certain city I was for Shabas. When I arrived at the central station in Shalam, I had two options. Take the light rail and walk around 15 minutes or take a bus, which would drop me off near the Koto with only a short walk. Since I had a suitcase, I chose the bus, not realizing it would pass through Mayam, which is packed on Mot Shabas. The bus ended up stuck there for about 30 minutes. And with the curfew approaching, I decided to get off and find another way. I checked Move It. Anyone here know what Move It is? We're about to see the generation gap. [laughter] What's Move It, SD? >> Of course. >> It's the worst. M O Vi T. Move It is like a way to navigate transportation, maps, all kinds of things. It led me to a bus stop that didn't exist. At that point, I was stressed and confused. My phone battery was low and I had no idea where to go. I asked a woman for help and she pointed me to a place that made absolutely no sense at all. Here's the crazy part. In that random area where I never would have gone on my own, I saw a girl who looked like she knew where she was going. I asked her for help and she immediately showed me exactly where to go and told me to run to the bus stop. I caught the bus just in time. Only afterward did I realize that without that first woman sending me somewhere I thought was wrong, I never would have met the girl who helped me make it back. What felt like a stressful confusing situation was Hashem guiding me every step of the way. It was a clear moment of practice. Unrelated, I also started listening to six minutes snippets during my nights later. I'd been struggling to find something meaningful to do. I'd also been really struggling with my listen to sharers inspired me the very first six minute shar I've already written pages of notes and gained a deeper understanding of modi. Thank you. We we we have other shirum by the way other than living with amuna. So one of them is six minute sitter snippets. We're up to number 670. We started at Modi and we're at the end of the Esray and we're going to go into the thousands because the sitter is endless. But I enjoy preparing and giving them and I'm glad somebody is finding meaning finding meaning in them. Um so many. Okay, one more. One more. I'm reaching out to share my thoughts on medical testing centers. I believe they are holy places, Makum Kadosh, because of all the prayer that happens there and is directed towards these centers. I've been sick for a while and my doctor wanted me to go for a specific test to an outpatient testing center. The only center had an appointment was available was Arav Kipper. Now, not only was I preparing myself spiritually for Yamiper, I was now preparing physically for a physical test to please God passer. Prayer of asking forgiveness took on a whole new meaning while laying under the testing machine. It's only you with your thoughts. the machine and the technician in another room. When it's forced to lay there with your own thoughts, that's when the prayer begins. Please God, I'm sorry for the mistakes I made this year. Please, Hashem, give me another year to connect these mistakes, correct these mistakes. God, thank you for giving me this past year. Give me another year. Return me to my full health or foolish a speedy quick, painless. Make the scan show no issues in my body. Allow my soul, my soul correction. The silence is deafening. The answer doesn't come right away. One needs to give up and give over. You are where you need to be. Trust in the process. know that everything is for the best and that you have nothing but you, your thoughts and your prayers and accomplish your task with grace and humility. There's so much praying to Hashem in testing centers by those undergoing tests and by family members and friends waiting for the patient in the waiting room and those outside the testing center sending prayers towards the patient. It is truly a makum kadosh. If we as Jews prayed on half as hard as even a quarter as hard as those undergoing testing or family members and friends, the world will be a better place. you and your family have as always mas and your son's bar mitzah celebrating health and happiness 120 and beyond but it's a different approach so if you're preparing to have to undergo that test and you have plenty of time to prepare in what is called and a name aptly so the waiting room so while you are in the waiting room it's called the waiting room for a reason you will be there for a little while we can change our perspective and our mentality why am I here woe is me how long is this wait I can't believe I have the lie in that MRI machine and it's claustrophobic and I can't breathe and how long will it take and the headache I'll get from it instead say I'm going into a makum kadosh this is a place where there is authentic and genuine and true and real prayer and therefore all I have is me and him and often there are so many barriers there's so many distractions and there's so much noise but I'm now in a place that none of that exists and embrace that place and instead of being frustrated we can embrace that place and be grateful to be there and turn it around to make it more of the best moment. There's so much so many emails. Okay, we'll have to come back. Let's get started in the wonderful book of David. This is a same author different safer than what we were learning previously. And he says the following in order to get to the of you need help from heaven. In order to arrive at you need help. Now this sounds very counterintuitive and it sounds incredibly paradoxical. In order to believe in Hashem you need to pray to Hashem to successfully believe in Hashem. You understand the circular logic? to really live a life of amuna, to succeed in those sticky situations, to overcome those obstacles, to feel his presence and his guiding hand in our lives, to be able to truly embrace our place and know where we're meant to be. We need to dive in that we're able to do it. Like we sing it at every week three times. Psalm 23. God is my shepherd. I lack and I miss for nothing. Says translate the words. The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not lack though I lie down in Allah's pastures and walk beside tranquil waters and blah blah blah blah blah blah please forgive me I mean the translation the translation soar hashem you are my shepherd because you are my shepherd you take care of everything I need so even though there are things I want but you provide everything I need that's the taich that is the simple traditional classic translation hashemi the lord is my shepherd word I shall not lack. But quotes this beautiful idea that's not what it means. You know what it means? May I never lack knowing that may I never be going life in such a way that I fail to remember you're my shepherd. May I never feel like I'm a sheep wandering, lost, abandoned, lonely, hungry, tired, thirsty. But let me always know, Hashem, Roi, Hashem, you're my shepherd. You're my shepherd. The shepherd leads the flock, protects the flock, is responsible for the flock, not only the flock as a whole, each and every little sheep. So, Hashem, Hashem, you're my shepherd. I'm your little sheep. May I never lack, may I never stop, may I never fail to know that you are my shepherd. that you are my shepherd. Let me always remember this knowledge. So when I get stuck in traffic, when I'm late for the plane, when whatever reason tried to randomly change my flight, so now I'm getting in really close to the and I hope I make it. Hashem lowar, may I never lose my knowledge, my confidence, my clarity. May I never lose my mindfulness, my intention, my concentration that you're the shepherd. It's not Allahal who's making the schedule. It's you. You're my shepherd. You're the shepherd. May I never fail because this is the struggle. This is the amuna struggle and it's real that we come together on Wednesday mornings or whenever you're listening to this and we walk away and we say, "I'm all in, amuna. I got the bumper sticker and the coaster and the mug and the sticker and the label and I'm all in. I'm all in. I'm all in." And then what happens? Then the rubber meets the road. Then we find ourselves in a situation where it's hard. I was allin, but I just got back the lab report. I was allin, but I just missed the flight of the traffic. I was allin, but I thought this was the one and the person just broke up with me. Or I got a no for a perspective. I was all in. I was all in, but then I saw my neighbor has something that I want so badly and I've been waiting for. Why did they have everything? And why am I missing so much? I was all in. and then life. So that is hashem don't only let me be allin right after the amunir but loar may I never be lacking wherever I go whatever I'm doing whatever life throws my way hashemi that you are my shepherd let me have the confidence and the clarity let me know that you are my shepherd that you are my shepherd every now and then every now and then it's bizarre people stop me they say could could you give me a braha So I said the gar says don't reject of anybody means we go to we go to great people we go to great men and women and we get a but the average person this goes back to what we started with we have no idea what the average person is going through what they're living how much resilience their faith so don't minimize or dismiss the value and the efficacy of a brah of an average person so I say okay I'll give you I'm a headot. So I give you a so sometimes it's for a and the I always give for of course you should find your best but I say may you have clarity and confidence through the process. May through the process you never forget he's the shepherd. Don't ever forget he's the so you thought this is the one you can't believe that person to get next back to you and you don't know what you should do next and you're waiting by that phone for it to ring. May you live with the clarity and the confidence that there is a shepherd. And he has a match for every sheep. What's what's the opposite of a sheep? They're all sheep. Men and male and female sheep are all called sheep. >> A you. >> There's a U for every sheep. There's a sheep for every U. Every pot has its cover. [laughter] Okay, we've got a new uh don't forget to put this in the amuna sher. There is a you for every sheep, a sheep for every you, a pot for every cover, a cover for every pot. That's hashemiar. Not just you're my shepherd. Soar I don't lack. No, I do lack. I do lack. I say a person with an empty bank account and an empty stomach. If you read Alish Sharabi's book, we read the whole thing over Yiff about his 400 plus days in in in captivity. You can't say lowar you lack your freedom. They went down his evil wicked captives. I hope they were already eliminated from this world. At one point they went down to giving one meal in every 24 hours. And the meal was a stale pa. He said they lay there starving. Starving. Starving. You can't say lowar when your stomach is empty. It's empty. It'sar. You can't say when you don't have freedom. It's missing. It's lacking. You don't have it. Soar doesn't mean you're my shepherd. I lack for nothing. I lack. But you know what? I never lack that you're my shepherd. And even why I'm lacking is for a reason. Even what I'm going through, it has meaning and purpose. Even what I'm going through, it's not for nothing. Are you watching these hostages that were released, these living heroic hostages? Not everyone, but overwhelmingly one by one. If it were me, maybe I'd get out. First thing I do is say, "Hashem, thanks, but no thanks. I don't know where you've been. I don't know why you did that. I'm working on forgiving you, but I'm not interested." How many How many are there pictures, videos, talis filling shaking a lula, sitting in a suka, putting on a keepa, making a braha. It's unbelievable. Talking about through their experience, they grew more connected. They became more religious. some cases took on greater observance. One of the hostages who was held all alone, it breaks your heart. You literally can't even read these these testimonies described he was held all alone. So for a long time, for months, his best friend was a crack in the wall. He talked to a crack in the wall. There was a crack in the wall. He was moved to a new place and he talked to something. There was something there that became his best friend. And then he was isolated alone in the dark and he had no one and nothing even to look at. And his best friend became Is there more hispodus, a higher, more authentic, holier conversation than someone held in captivity who says, "I had no one and nothing and not even to look at or to talk to, and all there was was me and Hashem." Loar, you could be missing food, sleep, freedom. You could be lacking and missing. But hashemi, as long as what you're not missing is that hashemi, I've got this. You've got my back. There's meaning. There's purpose. This was choreographed. There's a reason. I don't know it. I won't discover it necessarily in this lifetime or in this world, but one day I know with confidence and clarity, you're in charge. And so that's what it means. Hashem, not you're the shepherd. I don't lack. There are people who lack. They lack holding a little baby. They lack going home to a a spouse. They lack knowing where their next meal is coming from. It's almost insensitive to say they don't lack. There are people who lack. It's hard and we have to acknowledge and we have to validate. It's hard. But even when they lack for things, they know they're not lacking for nothing. It's not random and chance. They're not victims. But it's all from above. It's all from Hashem. What they don't lack. What we den we don't ever lack is that hashemi. May I never be missing that hashmi. May I always have confidence and clarity that you're my shepherd and there's a you waiting for me. Ew. Not not yo eu. Ew. >> Ew. Ew. says, "My EWE that I never be missing the amb that he's the shepherd. He's in charge." You know, I I don't know. I'm not a shepherd. I've never been a shepherd. I don't know that I've ever had a conversation with a shepherd. But my impression is that the shepherd doesn't deal with rebellion. There's not like one representative of the sheep who comes to the shepherd and says, "Who are you to boss us around and tell us where to go? And I think we have an alternative plan. We need to graze in that field, not this field. We should go drink from that river, not from that lake. I say we rest now. We walk later." I don't know that there's a sheep that leads a rebellion and challenges the shepherd. You look at the shepherd. He's got the stick. He's wearing the robe. He's got the long hair and the beard. And he's the one who tells you where to go. When he says jump, you say, "How I? Why? Because you know he's got your back. His job is to keep the shepherd the sheep safe. That's his whole job. The shepherd leads the sheep. Protects them from the other animals. Make sure that they have what they need, that they eat and they sleep. We're not leading a rebellion. We're not challenging you. We're not asking you to do a different way. We're here to follow you in whatever you tell us. And what's the shepherd's job, by the way? Just to continue this analogy, what happens to little sheep or you who loses their way and goes off and veers off the path? I was once in Israel on a hike. It was a small mission of men we took years and years and years ago. I don't know, it's got to be 15 years old, 15 years ago. and we were on a hike and we were walking and we taka past a a flock of sheep being led by a shepherd grazing and there was like a sheep that was like straggling behind falling behind and I was walking with a person we were the end of the group because he was falling behind and we had a whole conversation about what happens to the sheep what happens to the sheep who says I know we have a herd mentality it's called that for a reason everyone's falling in line everyone's walking on the same path everyone's going the same ction except for those who aren't. What happens in our world for the sheep who says, "Oh, everyone's going that way, but I'm really curious what's going on over there. I really want to try what's going on over there. I'm not interested in conforming and blending in. I don't want to do what all the other sheep are doing. I don't want to walk the same way. I want to go a different direction." How does the shepherd continue to lead the herd while also caring for the little sheep that's falling behind, that's straying, that's tired, that's exhausted, that's curious. What do we do for the sheep that are not on the der on the path that are looking to go on their own path, but we all still need to go in the same direction. How do we do that? It's an interesting question and it continues in this metaphor that Hashem is our we never lack it. I have to repeat it. I've told it before. I first heard it from my Reb Mosha Weinberger who I believe said that he first saw it in a reader's digest his daughter gave him. Now you can find the story online. If you Google it, you see it everywhere of the famous poetry contest. Do you remember the story? Weinberger is fond of telling it and I said it many times in his name, but I have to. It almost says it between the lines over here. Tell the story from Mosha Weinberger. It almost it almost says it over here. If you've heard it before, Khazar is good. if you never did. It's a a brilliant, beautiful illustration of this idea of the poetry reading contest held one day where there were people who practiced for months and they gave their names. They submitted entry into this contest of which there would be a big award and a great prize for the one who would win. And each took from the great poets of history to read their selection and their poem. And it was all set up with pageantry, a judges table. All the contestants were lined up, an enormous audience. It was broadcast live on TV and one by one all the contestants came, took the microphone and dramatically read their poem. Dramatically read their poem. And towards the end of the contest, an old man came in. And he walked up to the judges table and he said, "I I didn't enter. I didn't know where or how. I hadn't heard about it until today, but but if it's okay, I' i'd like to compete. I'd like to read a poem. Can I join?" and nobody had the heart to say no. So to humor this old man who they didn't think had a chance, they said, "Sure, take the microphone." They took the microphone and they asked him, "What will you be reading?" And he said, "Psalm 23 of King David's psalms. Tell him." And he stood up and he said psalm to David, "The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not lack. Though I lie down in lust pastures, walk beside tranquil waters, God walks with me. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death and he read the whole poem." The other contend contestants went. The judges sat and they deliberated and it was time to announce the winner. And they came back and they announced the winner was none other than this old man, the last entry. And they gave him his award and everybody celebrated. And one of the other contestants came up to I don't understand. You walked up last minute and you read it without any practice or preparation and you read the same thing I read. I also submitted Psalm 23. How is it that you won? And I have a coach and a trainer and I practiced and I carved up for it and I was ready. How is it that you won? And listen to what the old man said. He said, "You read a poem about a shepherd. I know the shepherd. I have a relationship with the shepherd. I'm one of the sheep that's led by the shepherd. So the question that we have to ask ourselves is do we read about a shepherd or are we one of the sheep? Do we know the shepherd? That's what living with amun is all about. Living with amuna is our effort and exercise. It is our daily sometimes grind always privilege to know the shepherd. And that's this hashemiar may I never be missing or lacking in the knowledge that he is the shepherd and I'm a sheep. He is the shepherd and I'm a sheep. That angry letter from that young man, the response, the pain we sometimes feel is, I'm still your sheep. I'm coming to shul anyway and I'm going to fall in line and I'm going with the flock. But you're my shepherd. You're my shepherd. Why am I hungry or tired? You're my shepherd. Why aren't you protecting me? You're my shepherd. Where's my you? You're my shepherd. Where's my new little baby sheep? You're my shepherd. And that is a statement of amuna because the other person they're still busy which is again why don't judge. You have no idea who you're standing doing next to while you're still just reading about a shepherd. They're busy pouring their eyes out and screaming at their shepherd. You have no idea. You might only be reading about the shepherd and they're pouring their heart out to their shepherd who they know and have a relationship with. the zerakadesh. So he quoted men of Linsk his son the holy ruptures his son the holy rapter of rupts we'll read soon in a few weeks and they're barren they're infertile they're struggle among the most painful things in the world so painful that our rabbi say somebody who's waiting and longing and hoping and yearning it's a taste of death a person feels their mortality because they're waiting for that continuity, the blessing of having a child. So, translate the word. Translate the word vayatar. What does it mean? >> Davin. What else means davin? >> We have at least 13 synonyms, many more for the word davin. Why vetar? We learned there's a whole series. You can find it online. I don't think we turned it into a podcast. We should put it all up on a podcast platform. But we learned the entire safer pin that's pink has a magnificent safer. One of my favorites. It's called there's a media. There's 13 synonyms for rea. There are 13 synonyms. 13 separate words that are used in the Torah for the experience of talking to God. And in the Hebrew language, we don't have synonyms. If there are different words that describe the same thing, it's because they each have a different nuanced meaning. So he has a this wonderful book, which I believe was translated into English as well by Felheim. It is a chapter for every word to explain that form of prayer. Just as an example, go to a hospital. You can't tell me that the prayer next to the death bed in the ICU is the same prayer next to the maternity ward of the mother holding her new baby. They're both saying they're both saying they both open the sitter, but it's a very different prayer. It's a very different prayer. The tahillum we said for two years, Hashem bring hostages home were different than what we said night. We got together as a community with hopefully the same if not more intensity to say tell them to thank you Hashem for having heard our prayers and continue to hear them. So 13 synonyms 13 different descriptions 13 experiences of of and one of them is vayatar. So it's not accurate to only answer what does the word mean to it means an intense form of the suk understands it to mean from is a pitchfork just like the pitchfork turns over the hey our prayer turns over hashem's decision you decided this can we get you to rethink it can we get you to reverse it possibly until now every day of his life was to how do you understand this? So the simple the simple understanding of this P means you've got and you've got Rifka and they're barren and Rifka is saying to wo is me and where are you and why don't we have a child and what's going to be and I can't take this anymore. So what does do? He says I'm going to dive in very hard. I'm going to dive in very hard. Whose feel is higher or tell us? Why? Because greater is the benad than a ben. Greater is the prayer of a righteous, the child of a righteous, than of the righteous, the child of the wicked. So ye's father is grows up in the home of Aram and Sarah. It's got enormous tremendous role models. Rifka grows up in the home of Basul. She's got a brother Lavan. She's growing up in the most wicked, evil, nefarious, lowife, corrupt home. Whose prayer is higher? Whose ascends faster? Does that make sense to you? I would have thought the opposite, right? Rifka. Look at the influence in her life. And yet she became Rifka. He's supposed to become. Look at Ara and Sarah. You know what the answer is? It's a very penetrating insight. It's a powerful insight. The answer is that if you grow up in the home of a Russia, when you see wickedness, you should hopefully be repulsed by it. You should be repelled by it. It's easy to know that's wrong and therefore I want to become more righteous. But when you grow up in the home of an a and a and now those are the expectations of you and everyone's you grew up in the home of the gut there's a reason there's something called the rabbis child syndrome there's a reason but many too many rabbis children or among the rabbis children is someone who says all the eyes were on me the expectations of me the pressure on me forget about it I don't even want to try instead I'm going to walk away. It's it's unfortunate and it's sad and it's real. So who feel higher? That could be as great as Yitzk was despite having grown up in the home and the pressure and the expectation of Ara and Sil is higher even than Rifka. Very interesting insight. That's a preview for the para a couple weeks from now. So the simple understanding is that is what does mean the word means opposite across. So the simple understanding of the PK is it's painting an image of what the room looked like. Rifka is in that corner. She's pouring her heart over her tom and Yitzk goes to that corner. He's got hisender opposite his wife. He's looking at her and he's saying Hashem my poor wife she deserves. She needs that. Why isn't dabbing as hard for himself as he is for her? Because Yitzk has promised he's going to have a child. So he has no doubt. Hashem said to Yit, "It's going to go through you." Came from Ara, it's going to go through you. You're good to go. But he looks up at his father and Ara S at first didn't have children. Who did Ara have his first child through? Hagar. So says, "I'm good to go. I don't know if it'll be through this one or maybe Hashem's going to send me another one. But I'm going to be good to go. So Rufka says, "Good for you, buddy. Good for you, my sheep. But your you has no idea where she's going to get her child from." So he's ding in the other corner opposite her. But says all of his life he's dvening. And what was he doing? What he's you know what was first we'll say it's specifically about Rifka then we'll zoom out collectively about all of us is saying Hashem I know you've got a master plan and I don't know what it is and if you could accelerate it that'd be really great but you know what my real is Hashem please help that my wife never give up on you. Please help her never be lacking in knowing you're her shepherd. Please help her see with clarity and confidence that all you do is for a plan. What he was dominating for was that Hashem is not note where and what was his hashem is what a vort no what a beautiful insight but the zeresh and it's also I think a blueprint for a way we can d for one another sometimes we're going through something with the spouse And unfortunately, tragically, often when there's a crisis, it can bring a couple closer or drive a wedge between them tragically. How they navigate it can bring them closer or if they experience it and respond and react differently, unfortunately, tragically can drive them apart. So, people go through things differently. And one of the things to Davin as we go through it is maybe Hashem, I see you and I feel you and I know you're in charge. And as painful as this is, and as much as I want you to resolve it, I know you're in charge. I surrender to you, but my spouse or my child or my friend, they're wavering and they don't see you and they could be walking away and I don't want them to give up on you. So, I'm dabbing to you that they continue to believe in you. Please, Hashem, help them continue to see you, believe in you, surrender to you, know that you're the shepherd, that you're in charge, that you're in control. So, what we started and what we've seen is opening our eyes to the idea that it's not that You have amuna as a prerequisite to daven. And then we daven for the things that we need. And what are the things that we need in gashmas? What is for? It's for physical things. Hashem, give me a home and a car and a livelihood. Give me health and a spouse and a child. Give me the things that I need. Give me candom candy baskets and welcome gifts and a drussa and a speech and the yarmaka and the sah hashem. Give me the things I need. No, it's not that. said amuna is the prerequisite to prayer and then prayer is for the physical things I need. No is that prayer is to ask for amuna and when I have amuna then I'll be confident that whatever I have is what I need that even when I'm lacking you're in charge and you're in control and you're the shepherd. So the we have our is for amuna of all the things that we ask for don't forget to ask for a relationship with him. So when people come to me and they say, "I'm struggling. I'm wavering. I don't see him. I don't feel him. I'm not connected right now." First thing I say is, "Daven for it." They say, "I rabbi, maybe you're hard of hearing. Maybe there's a problem because you're over 50 now. But what I said to you is that I don't feel him or see him. I don't feel connected with him." So yeah, yeah, you should dab in for that. Say, "Rabbi, when's the last time you had a physical? Are you can you not hear me? What I said is I'm struggling. I hear you loud and clear. And part of the way out and the way back is to ask him for help to have that clarity and confidence. It's counterintuitive. One has a child or grandchild, a friend or a neighbor who's struggling in their relationship with Hashem. Among the things to daven for is dav that they have amuna hashemi. May we never be missing or lacking in knowing that you're the shepherd. And by the way, we need an educational system that doesn't just talk about the shepherd, but that builds a relationship with the shepherd. We need a community. I'll put the pressure on the shul as well. We need a community and rabbis and rebbitsons and teachers and parents who don't just talk about the shepherd. We're really good talking about the shepherd. We talk a lot about the shepherd. Shepherd told us about 39 mas that we memorized. And the shepherd, you know, has stories of na'vi. And the shepherd has hakas. and the shepherd has blessings. We have to say to him, we talk a lot about the shepherd, but do we demonstrate and model a relationship with the shepherd? Do we define our life? Do we talk to the shepherd? Do we demonstrate to our children that we hear the shepherd talking to us? Do we show that we're led by the shepherd? Do we live with clarity and confidence in the shepherd? Those are all the questions to ask ourselves. And that's that you're my shepherd may never be lacking. And that's what it's note tom where she was in this corner. He was in that corner. No, it's And what was the hashem? May Rifka never give up hope in you. May she always have clarity and confidence in you. May she never be lacking that you are the shepherd. Amit Hashem will pick up with this next week. We have now 15 minutes of question and answer. I hope you've been thinking sensitive, controversial, any topic in the world. This is a way of getting people to come in person. We're turning off the stream, turning off the recording. We love all those who are listening, but there's a reward if you come in person, not just the coffee and slushie. Yes. Question. First question.