Living with Emunah (Part 359)

Good morning, Bokeertove. Good morning. Welcome back to Living with Amuna. Thank you so much for being here. I live Oh, thank you. Okay. I live off the living with Amuna. So, I'm grateful you're here. Otherwise, I'd be sitting by myself. It' be kind of awkward. So, uh thank you. Our ministers sponsored generously by Dr. Zav and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Gabbat. In memory of Bella's mother, Dr. Ellen Chanzer. And please God, in the merit, the hostages come home. Our soldiers are safe and we have a sweeping victory over our enemies. This morning she responds anonymously with thanks to BRS for giving Shurim the to bring a zebug for sha rifka basel she dance at her wedding she should find her basher with clarity and confidence and to the Isaac's family by the Isaac's family in honor of my dear friend Ben Isaac's birthday could feel Ben Isaac's energy a thousand miles away from New York through the phone so Ben happy birthday we love you keep it going as they wrote to the most amazing husband mother and human being. I agree by Amy and Ellie Buzzaglo's beloved mother Evelyn Rifka Ruben Bas Mosha Mashan and Alaliyah from a couple undergoing IVF who use living with Amun as a lifeline dabbing for good news for them and for all those struggling and we add arita our heartfelt file you don't have to know their name it's anonymous to know that all those who are waiting and longing should find and have their sim this should be their year should answer all and anonymously of the making on their recent marriage they should build and and by the house of their 10bound families in honor of Shim in memory of Shim Ben Alzar on his fourth year at site and aliyah and forbi a very special woman who is in the hospital she should bounce back with a speedy complete and painless recovery and back to painting beautiful pictures for the world okay I'm looking at the image of myself with the white paro is behind me so you know when we do the prep workshop and you have heart palpitations because the same word we say Pesak, you start to panic. Well, when I see the white paro is behind me. There are days of awe. I am filled with awe. Of course, because we're going to stand before the Almighty, but also because we have to deliver drushes before the Almighty. And uh and we're running out of time, but it's it's an exciting time. You may have passed countless cement trucks that have been lined up since early this morning because they're pouring the foundation of our new shel of our new cat's sanctuary. Caroline, you have to come out afterwards and check it out. Of the new cat sanctuary, they're pouring the foundation where the kaduca and the sanctity and the holiness and please God, our connection to Hashem and everything follows the foundation. Everything follows the beginning. That is the idea of rashana roash the head of the year. Everything follows the head. And so everything follows the beginning and the foundation. And everybody when you walk by, when you drive by, go outside, please give a braha to our foundation. should be a foundation of kaduca of sanctity and of holiness of closeness to Hashem of bringing braha to the great people who helped enable that particular sanctuary and the whole new campus by the way you can still join that list and get braha we still have more spaces you can still do but mashem it's a very very exciting day and there's a lot going on so we'll read some emails got some incredible emails over the last week it's becoming one of the hardest parts of my entire job is deciding which emails to read every week now that's a great problem and a great challenge to have. I bless you in whatever job you have. It's not a job, it's a calling and it's a labor of love. So, I could hardly call it a job, but it's one of the most challenging tasks. Maybe we should form a committee. Everything with a committee. Dear Rabi Goldberg, my husband and I have been weekly listeners living with a Muna for quite some time now. We often use the phrase embrace your place and you're exactly where you're meant to be. Not as a cliche, but as a true source of I've often mentioned that there are incidents I should really email you about, but this week's story was truly extraordinary. On Monday, I went to the doctor for my weekly nine-month pregnancy visit. I was informed my blood pressure was too high, the fluid around the baby was low, and that I would need to be induced immediately at 36 weeks. My initial response was, "Today's not a good day. I'm not really ready. I'm not really ready." But the doctor insisted, "On Tuesday morning, I gave birth to a beautiful, though, very small baby girl who was immediately taken to the NICU. Since I wasn't home to take my 2-year-old to playgroup, my husband had to dab in at a later minion. He thought there was one at a local shoo at 9:00 a.m. but there wasn't. Someone told him about a minion at a nearby Shiva house. So he went despite not knowing the family. So first of all, there are many remarkable things about the story. Pause number one. That's a real commitment to Filibore. He went to the shul. It's not BRS that is minion every half hour all morning night. Little a little shameless promotion for BRS. And it didn't have a nine o'clock minion. So I would have said, you know, I tried. There's a lot going on. I got to give my kid off. I had a brand new baby. I didn't really sleep last I tried to go to minion. Okay, close enough. He was really committed. He found a shiva house and even though he didn't know the people and he wasn't embarrassed or ashamed to go. I think that's really in itself remarkable. After the minion, everyone got up to leave. But my husband decided to stay a bit longer to be manak as best he could for people he didn't even know. A father was sitting shiva for his 34 year old son who had passed away from cancer. Leave him behind a wife and three young children, five, three, and one. passed away the day after his youngest child's first birthday. The father asked my husband if he had known his son. My husband replied honestly that he hadn't, explained that he was simply looking for a minion because his wife had just given birth to our eighth child only four hours earlier. The father asked what the baby's name was. My husband explained we hadn't yet named her as the decision hadn't been made and he had some time until he'd be called up to the Torah to name her. He added that every parent is blessed with a special ru kesh, a divine inspiration when choosing a baby's name. The father then shared that his son's English name was David, the same as my husband's, but his Hebrew name was Manim Ary. Manakim after his grandfather, a survivor of the Warsaw ghetto and Arya because he was looking at his newborn son. He saw a lion of God. That's what the father sitting Shiva said about his son that he saw a lion of God and therefore he named him Ary. Later that day, my sister-in-law and I were discussing the names in the hospital. I called my husband with a suggestion, Ariela Dina. My sister-in-law had suggested Ariela because it means lion of God, which felt so fitting for a small yet strong and courageous baby who had arrived early. I also felt Ella could could connect to El and Dina to approaching Yomadin. My husband's reaction was one of shock. Oh my gosh, I can't believe it. He realized that just hours earlier, the father had used the same words line of God to describe his son. He saw this as a sign straight from Hashem. On Thursday morning, since I was still in the hospital, my husband returned to the Shiva minion and decided it would be most meaningful to name our daughter there. After Daven, he explained to the family the significance of her name and how the daughter was in a sense named in connection with their son. The family was deeply touched and the Shiva concluded with a sense of closure. The father told us we would always be part of their family. The rabbi present remarked he could not imagine a more fitting way to end the shiva. So what what a story for so many reasons a healthy baby even if premature and in a niku a husband who insisted on a minion even if it meant going to a sha house of someone he never met for someone who passed away he didn't know staying to have a conversation I would have snuck out during alenu because I was just using it for the minion but he I wouldn't have I would have stayed I would have been you know even after 28 years you can't take anything for granted so I don't want her to I don't want her to have regrets I would have stayed. I would have been Manavl. But he stayed. He was Manavl. He learned the name. And then the wife, the same exact expression, lion of God. Ary Ariela. And then to go back and name at the Shiva house. Just an amazing amazing amazing story. Amazing story. Uh there's so many stories here. I don't know what to do. Har Goldberg, hope you're well. First of all, I want to thank you. Blah blah blah. Thank you for your kind words. I've been listening to the last six months. It's positively impacted my life in many ways. I'm 26 years old and single. The journey has been ups and downs. There are moments where I feel incredibly alone and hopeless. Through the podcast, I've been learning to embrace my place and find happiness in the parish I'm currently in. From handling rejection to losing my phone in Israel this summer right before the Iran war broke out to running to bomb shelters for the first time in my life, the amunes has not only kept me afloat has given the tools to handle all situations with a manesh and a true understanding I'm exactly where I'm meant to be. I want to share a hasht story of divine providence that happened to me the other day. that I felt was a wink and hug from Hashem. I had to give a presentation for my residency program and generally public speaking gives me a lot of anxiety. So I preferred not I prefer to be the first to present so I can get it out of the way. When I asked my supervisor the order of presenters and if I could be first, she said every year they randomly generate a list of all the residents. I'd be unable to choose when I speak. The morning of my presentation I davened. I had done my part. I prepared and now I asked that Hashem do his part and help me be the first to present. When the time came that day for them to announce the first speaker, I couldn't help but break into a huge smile. When they said my name first out of 35 residents, I felt like Hashem was giving me a hug, telling me I'm never alone. I went up to speak with confidence. I knew Hashem was with me every step of the way. It reminded me there are no randomly generated lists, but everything is from Hashem, the big and the small. Power of Amuna never failed to amaze me. I feel grateful to be able to see directly the Hashem, especially during a period of my life when it sometimes feel like Hashem is hiding. Thank you for all you do. look forward to a special episode of series on amuna and shidukim that we've been talking about for a while. So hopefully we will get to that soon. But it is always amazing when you get the yes when hashem always answers ouros. It's not always the answer that we want or we're looking for. But he always answers. He's never not listening. He never ignores us. He's never distracted from us. He always answers us even if it doesn't feel like the answer that we're looking for. It's always the right answer for us even if it doesn't feel like it. Rabbi Goldber, I have a double whammy for you today. Absolutely mind-blowing. That's a great introduction. That makes me want to read the email. >> On Friday, I was driving to the local kosher grocery store to buy some food for Shabas. I was listening to your turn Friday into Arab Shabbashir in the car. By the way, big fan of turning Friday into Shabas. We have a rocking to going with her by Silber in Baltimore. I believe you came once. Would love to have you again, which I did. And they do have a rocking actual. They start early with some good to some good koal chant singing. What a way to go into cabalas shabas. Anyhow, I really love the idea of adding. So, what he's talking about, it happens to be that this is the least listened to Shirum of the ones I give. But every shar I give, I do for myself. So, if nobody listened, I'd still be happy because it's my learning. And this is not a uh another shameless promotion and appeal. But every Friday morning, 10 a.m. we stream it. You can listen anytime you want. But we do 5 to 10 minutes of getting ready for Shabas. It's a little music. It's a concept and idea of preparing for Shabas. Gets you in the mood. It's a big pumpup speech for Shabas. and we've been doing it since Corona. So they're episode number 200 300 whatever we're up to and uh it's a great way to get ready for Shabas. So last week we spoke about the idea of we're learning a beautiful safer from the Reb of Shalim on on Shabas and he quotes in there the idea of all the preparation for Shabas. If you say the chab is kesh when you do it, you've transformed that object from an object that is base, an object mundane, an object that's profane, and you've endowed it, you've imbued it with holiness. So when you shop in the supermarket, every item you put in the carriage or as you're putting it on the conveyor belt of check out, you say the kabas kesh. So now what looks like a package with a uh with a symbol to to pay now is a instrument of holiness of chabas. And that's true when you set the table. Shabas kesh and when you're yelling at your husband to get ready kesh and when you're everything that you do. Anyhow, back to the email. I really love the idea of adding the kachab kesh to infuse our every shabas prep with some of the kush of shabas. I was super pumped to go into the store and say the kabas kesh as I picked out the food and paid for it. And I got to the deli counter all excited to drop my new line. The wonderful Latino non-Jewish man handed me my container of chum with a smile and said the coveted shabis kesh. He beat me to it. As an aside, my heart stopped, jaw dropped. The chalant almost did as well. Mind blown. Capital letters. Such an amazing kiss from Hashem. Clearly, he was sending me a message. I was on the right path with this newly added practice. So, he listened on the way to the store. Was all geared up to say it. And that apparently is the training at the kosher supermarket in Baltimore. They train the non-Jewish employees how to say the co shabas code. They're speaking of kiss from hashem. I have an amuna story to be filed under the car accident chapter. I want to send last week. Never got around to it. Now with the Arab Shabbas story, I was forced into action. Few weeks ago, I left work as we were heading out of town for a brief summer vacation. No men at the beach were going to. So I went ahead and printed a couple of Dra Torah that you had written to read over Shabas in le of a Shabas Russia. There was a torrential downpour on my driver on my drive home. As I went on the ramp to get on one of the busiest highways in the country, my car slid, did multiple spins across four lanes before finally slamming into the median. All airbags deployed. There was smoke everywhere. I couldn't see much and was definitely in a state of shock. I was facing the other direction on this incredibly busy highway during rush hour and somehow despite crossing four lanes in a torrential downpour did not hit or get hit by another car. I knew immediately that the car was totaled. I did a quick exam to see if I had any injuries and thank God there were none. My first thought was, I can't believe I told my car. How on earth am I supposed to make it on this vacation? We're supposed to leave in a few minutes. It was a brief moment of stress right before I looked into my right passenger seat and I saw the printed out of our Torah from you and I thought, I am where I'm supposed to be. Let go and let God take over from here. That was a stressful situation that I could ever remember being in, but constant reinforcement of the principles of living with the amuna helped me cope and get through it. Wishing tremendous. Thank you very much. That was a double whammy indeed. >> Two great stories and I'm grateful for that. Someone else had a birthday and they've listened to every of the 358 episodes living with Amuna. They enlighten her week. Her children know they always she always quotes it. So for her birthday, she opened the envelope and she didn't know what to expect. There was a beautiful card and inside it worthy embrace your place sticker that now is on her steering wheel and decal. And what a birthday present. Everybody should get those for the people that they love. Okay, one more and then we'll get into our learning. Oh, this is so hard. Okay, but here's one more. Dear go, I have a pretty crazy amuna story to share. Again, if you want to get my attention, after going to my anatomy scan, the doctor told me this pregnancy was high risk, just like the last one, and I'd have to be monitored closely again. Same story. At first, I was crushed. Then, I remembered how Hashem proved the doctors wrong last time, and he could do it again. My daughter made it to 37 weeks, and she was just very, very small, but otherwise, completely healthy. Barak Hashem. On August 26th, I went to a regular doctor's appointment. I was being seen twice a week and close monitoring. After doing the ultrasound, the doctor told me that my numbers looked a little high and wanted me to get another test done. After doing that test, she told me I should go to the hospital for extra monitoring. I don't know how, but Hashem made it that I was so calm. I don't think it was a big deal. I just thought I would go to the hospital, a quick test, come home, and the doctor's overreacting. My husband really wanted to come with me because he was worried. I keep telling him, "It's no big deal. I'd be home soon." He was watching my toddler. After an hour and a half of monitoring the hospital, one of the doctors told me, "Everything looked good. I'd be able to go home at 9:00. Great. I called my husband, told him no need to come. I was going to pick up burgers for us because I was starving and miss dinner. About five minutes later, listen to this. Five minutes later, 10 doctors burst into the room. There was chaos and they're yelling, "Baby's heart rate dropped and has been down for five minutes. We need to deliver you now." Someone else screamed, "Prep the O." It was literally a scene out of a movie. I was only 28 weeks. Hashem saved my baby's life. >> He was born 1 pound 11 o. He's still in the NICU. He's such a fighter. If I had not been at that doctor's visit when I was, I never would have known that something was wrong. It's not easy. I've been coming to the NICU every day. I'm emotionally physically tired on most days so overwhelmed. But I keep reminding myself what a miracle Hashem did for us because an alternative outcome would have been a lot worse. Even his birthday, Hashem had written all over it. 8:26. 8 is a supernatural number measured by miracles. 8 is one more than seven. Seven is nature. Maral says 8 is one more than nature. 26 is Hashem's name. And his Hebrew birthday is the second of El telling us that we need to wake up and cling to Hashem. Hamel Basada, the king is in the field. You can't make this stuff up. When I went to the hospital for monitoring, I got a parking spot right away, and I didn't think anything of it. I've been coming every day to the hospital for the last three weeks, and there have been times I've been circling for 30 minutes. Who knows what could have happened if I hadn't found that parking spot right away? Or the fact that I was supposed to take my daughter with me to the doctors, but my husband happened to have come home early. And what if the doctor hadn't given me the other test and just sent me home? What if my appointment was earlier in the day? Hashem really orchestrated every step so our baby could be delivered safely. looking forward to sharing the good news when my son comes home after his nick you stay as always thank you for the another that was another each time someone introduces their email they've come through these stories are outrageous there are more stories I'll end with one more which is my own and it didn't have a great ending although it had an amazing ending but uh yesterday after working on the outline for my shabashiva dasha for a few days now and an outline that was very long. Probably you would tell me this was a miracle from Hashem and a good thing. But I had saved it because I've learned that lesson the hard way. First thing you do when you start a new document, save it. And then of course after you save a document, the auto saves on. So you don't kept keep pressing that little. First of all, I was wondering actually what do kids think that image is of? You know the logo that you press to save a document? What do they think that is? What is it? What is it? >> It's a floppy disc. So, what do they think that is? >> They probably have no idea what that what that logo is that you press to save a document. Some of you are looking at me right now like, "What's a floppy disc?" Anyway, for another time. So, uh, I had saved it with a name and to the cloud and I was all good to go until yesterday I was working on it. Then I worked on another document and then Microsoft Word crashed and when I reopened it to get back to work on the Shabashiva, >> it hadn't saved. since I started working on it. So, even though I've done this before, I've had this problem before. And I knew that just cut your losses and get back to work. I spent the next several hours watching YouTube videos and googling and experimenting and determined that I was going to find it. But of course, I didn't. But Hashem did help me last night. Generally reconstructed Barashem. But why am I sharing that with you? Not for your sympathy or empathy. I'm sharing it with you because this year I'm now writing an email to myself. Thank you so much. You're the most amazing, good-looking, charismatic. Thank you. That's so kind of you. Yada yada blah blah blah. Thank you for the compliments. Okay, now let me continue the email. And the email to myself is I'm so grateful for this year because I can tell you, Lee can tell you, Marilyn, who I happen to be learning, could tell you, and could tell you. I literally because the sh was able to say, "Okay, Hashem didn't mean for that version to be what I give. Had had it meant to be saved, it would have been saved." And because it wasn't saved, it's because that version wasn't meant to be delivered. And whatever I meant to remember and reconstruct of it is what I meant to give. So don't panic and don't be angry and don't be upset and don't beat yourself up and don't beat Microsoft up and don't bring your IT person up and don't beat anything up. This is the way it's meant to be. And okay, it'll take a little time. channel the angst, anger, resentment, frustration into a little Hashem. Let me reconstruct this with some elacrity. Let me reconstruct this in an expedited way. Let it come back together fairly quickly which he answered that and it did. So a day later you live to tell about it and if you would have been angry and upset and yelling and screaming and frustrated, it would not have helped. What did help was a little whiskey I have under my desk. But that that was the first thing I did. Okay, that did help a little bit. I shouldn't say that. I'm not encouraging that. That is not that is not what anyone should turn to ever for anything. Anyway, but the point is living with amuna. When you live with amuna, then you figure it out. That actually is the topic of our shabashiva drasha from self to soul. Letting go of your ego to enhance your relationships, your success, and your meaning in life. The whole shabasha dasha is about let's see which version we ultimately give by the way now I save it like every four seconds I write like one word save next sentence save save in 17 places print it out in case uh the whole uh worldwide web crashes anyway that's that's the lesson that you learn but whichever version we end up giving that's that's the topic and the balance between how do you know it's your ego and how do you know when it's your mission which is really what we're learning back to because what We learned in this paric the last parac serving hem from the place and the position that we're in right now in this moment. Not where we wish we were, not where we were yesterday, not where we can't wait to be tomorrow, but where am I right now? And what's my avoda right now? Sometimes we're in a perfect place and an amazing place. When you're lying on a lounge chair sipping a pinina cola looking out over a over the ocean, you're like, "Oo, I'm serving Hashem from this place." Okay, that's not hard. When you're about to walk your child down the aisle and you're going to stand under the and you love who they're marrying and you know how you're paying for the wedding, say, "Oh, I'm serving Hashem from this play." Okay, we had a bris this morning. And when you're standing here the you're the sandic and you're holding your grandchild and oh I'm I'm serving Hashem this that's easy by the way it's not so easy plenty of people forget to serve Hashem from that place too they forget to say thank you Hashem I could afford this vacation I'm healthy and well I'm where I'm supposed to be I'm finding you in this where I am they forget that too it's not so easy even though we joke but what about from the hardship what about when Microsoft just deleted your entire document your file your hard work for many hours can you serve Hashem from that place or do you serve yourself? Do you indulge your ego? What do you mean? Do you know who I am? How could you do this? Do you know how many people are going to rely on me, listen to me, and hear me? We're actually introducing something new this year. An email will go out are local for the people who live here. Even though we stream for free, there's no payw wall. There's no plus membership. All of our Torah, we have this to teach. We share with the whole world. Every article, every year, everyone, everything. But we keep shabashiva shabas like although local offline but we do have another community which are the people who enable us to share and do everything. So the global community the highest level the most generous donors having a zoom of a version of the shabashiva drasha. It's not too late to join that group and that list if you'd like to be part of it and get access to it. But that what we're overcoming is our ego kicks in in that moment. We have a fight with our spouse. We lose it with our child. We get angry with our boss. We we get into a fight with our customer. We get in a fight with our computer because our ego says do you know who I am? Do you know how important I am? Do you know how important what I've been working on is? Do you know how many people are coming to hear that? Like what do you mean? It can't be gone. But when you can press pause and take that deep breath and restore your nishama with your nishima. Take that breath and restore your son. You say whoa, let go ego. Like who are you? You're nothing and you're pathetic because this happened again to you and you didn't learn the lesson. So, not only should you have no ego, you're actually a pathetic loser that this has happened to you again because you do not know how to save a document correctly, appropriately, in enough places, and frequently enough. So, not only should you have no ego, but you should realize and be humbled by this and just channel it and turn into Hashem and say, "What's next? What's my avod in this moment? What's my work? What's my mission? What's my purpose in this mat?" And that matzahem is relatively nothing. that matzah of that place could be the niku that place could be next to a hospital bed that place could be a shiva home what's my avoda what am I meant to be doing right here do I run out to an alenu and escape because I was just using it for the minion or does hashem want me to sit for a few moments try to comfort people I never met and let's see where it leads to what's my avod in this moment and in this mat that's our mission that's what has been telling us taking us through that what's our what's my right now I can't get yesterday back. It's gone. It doesn't exist. The past is gone. And and tomorrow's not here yet, right? Is not here yet. That relief, that exhale, that going into the year, that beautiful y of season, it's not here yet. Or whatever you're looking forward to that's coming next, the bar mitzvah, the birth of a baby, the many great things that are coming. All I have is and all I have is right now. Where am I meant to go right now? What am I meant to do right now? What's happening next? Right now, all I have is right now. Everyone has their hour. This is my hour, your hour. But it's not the same hour for both of us. We're different. We each are different. Every human being on Earth, all billion, all billions are different. We have different background, different strengths, different weaknesses, different assets, different liabilities. What's our mission? What's our mission? What's our matzah? What's our mandate? And he's been taking this all these different ideas which brings us up to the bottom left page corresponding in the art scroll new translation to page 301 still page 301 here's the thing sometimes we're tempted to feel and say you know Hashem why am I wasting wasting my time with this. Shouldn't I be doing something better and different, more important and more elevated for you? This narkite this nonsense I have to reconstruct the document I already did. I have to go take care of some mindless activity, some busy work because so no, if we understand that in every moment, whatever we've determined mindfully, thoughtfully, strategically, consciously, with intention, when we've determined that this is where I meant to be right now, this is what I meant to do right now, then lean in with your all. That's what you're supposed to be doing. Even if it's mindless and even if it's busy work. And even if you say, "But I'm all frazzled. I just lost all my work and I'm all anxious. And no matter how many amirum I've gone to, no matter how many I've given, no matter how closely I'm rereading the sticker on the back of my phone, embrace your place and your document is where it's meant to be. It doesn't matter. I'm saying all the right things and I'm trying to think all the right things, but if you'd measure my blood pressure, my body is not feeling all the right things." I I literally asked again, it was a nothing. I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm trying to give a real life example which is personal. I can tell you I was like nauseous. My stomach hurt. I can't believe this again. And what am I going to do now? And do I have the hours to be able to redo this? I said all the right things and I believed all the right things and I worked on all the right things, but my stomach was not on the same page. We were disagreeing and it was winning. So even in that moment, what do you mean? If I give their if I go to the if I got the sticker and the decal and the cup and the and the magnet, then why is my stomach? Why is my blood pressure? Why is my pulse? Why are my sweat glands? Why aren't they cooperating with me? I don't have what it takes to stay calm in this moment. I'm not fully present. I'm not fully mindful. The person I met with next actually stopped and looked at me and said, "Are you okay?" Yeah. Why? I'm fine. I'm I'm fine. I didn't say, "Don't worry." I said, "Yes, I'm fine. I'm fine." But but you can know and think all the right things and it's not registering. It's not filtering. You're struggling to to execute on it with all that. If you do your best, if you put one foot in front of the other, if you continue with what you're meant to do next, have that next meeting, write the next vorra, make the next phone call, do the next visit, do the next mitzvah, with whatever you could bring to it, that's what Hashem wants. That's what's precious and beloved. That's what he cares about. That's what you're meant to do in that moment. That's your mat. Some people can't. It's hard. It's hard. Hashem wants us to do the best that we can. And when we bring our all and do our best, understanding that moment is our challenge that he accepts it and he welcomes it and he embraces it like it's the highest and the holiest there is. Every year and this year there are people who meet with me and come to me and talk to me about I don't know how I'm going to do the daving. I'm not in a good place with him. Their own struggles, their own challenges, their own loss. It's hard. Many of us look forward and are moved most by we cry. We think about who we lost. We think about who we worry about and it inspires and it motivates and it moves us. But for some people it's a little too descriptive. It's a little too real. So someone comes and says, "Rabbi, I don't know how I'm going to say to this year. Much of Davening I don't know that I can get there early and stay the whole time and be present in my mind for the whole thing." And you know what the answer is? Do your best. Hashem wants you to bring your best and do your best. And he understands because he's been with you through all that you've been going through. So it's okay. Your place this year is not the singing and clapping and hopping and bopping and bouncing off the wall and the loudest and the most plugged in and the most tuned in. Your place is bringing whatever you could bring. And in the things that you're bringing next to the maxer maybe is a meaningful book that parts of Davening, you know, don't read a novel, but bring a meaningful reading because there's going to be something meaningful that you're going to read because there are parts of the that this year you can't do. Now, maybe you wouldn't expect a rabbi to be saying this, but that's what that's what is saying. That's what Hashem wants you. Do your best. Bring your best in this moment and in that mat of life. That's what you've got. That's what you've got for this mitzvah. Now it's dangerous and it could be a slippery slope because we can make all kinds of excuses and justifications and rationalizations for ourel. Ah, I could barely dive and that's the mess I could do this year. Good enough, God. I could barely do this mitzvah. I could barely show up for that. I could barely I this year I am focused on self-care. Now self-care is important. We spoke about it at the women's year maybe last summer two years ago, three years ago. Self-care is critically important. Critically important. If you don't take care of yourself, then you can't take care of others. But Judaism, the Torah's endorsement of self-care is self-care so you can care about others. Not caring about how much others care about your self-care. That's a slippery slope. When can I unplug? When is it time to myself? When do I excuse myself because I this is where I'm holding. And when am I overindulging in self-care because I'm selfish and I have a big ego and now I've made all kinds of excuses. This is a tough question. These are the questions we have to ask ourselves. But if we legitimately are in a place where it's hard to connect, where we're doing the best that we can, where we're giving it our all to show up our friend, our spouse, our neighbor, Hashem, then that's what Hashem wants from us. And let go, let God even in that moment. Sometimes the let go is let go of the guilt. Let go of the shame. Let go of the beating yourself up. Let go of the knocking yourself down. And instead hold on to this is what I meant to do. This is the matzah that I'm in. This is what I bring to this moment. And as long as we're honest with ourselves and as long as we can say this is the best I can do and this is what I bring to this moment, maybe the three out of 10 that you're bringing to this moment is greater than the eight out of 10 someone else is bringing. Because the eight out of 10 someone else is bringing came easy. The eight out of 10 someone else is bringing, they were slacking off. It could have been a 10. And the three that you're bringing took your all. You dug deep. took everything you've got just to show up. There are people I marvel at, I admire, I'm in awe of who just get to the end of the day with all they face and have to overcome and navigate in their lives. If they can just get to the end of the day, wow, that is a win. They didn't find the cure for cancer. They didn't bring peace to the war in Ukraine and Russia or Israel and Gaza. They didn't release. They didn't they got to the end of the day with faith, family, generally positivity. Wow, that is enormous. So that's what is giving us the the to know wherever we're holding in life. If you could bring more, bring more. If you could go for an eight or nine, a 10 out of 10, 11 out of 10, no excuse. Bring it. Step up, man up, grow up, and bring it. No excuses. No excuses. But if you can't, then it's okay. Hashem loves you for whatever you can bring, whatever you can do. But what's most important is in every moment, in every matzah, in every situation to actually be present, to press pause, to be thoughtful and mindful, and to say, okay, what's this moment? What does it demand of me? What am I meant to do next? How am I meant to react? Yesterday, Microsoft Word, I knew I had a good amuna story, so at least I had something out of it for this year. But I did keep trying to slow down time because it tends to speed up in those situations to slow down time and say, "Okay, what do I need to do now? How am I meant to react? How am I meant to process this? What am I meant to do with this? What does this mean for me? My mats, all of us find ourselves in a different mat every minute, every hour, every day, every week, every month. And that's the only way to endure, the only way to go forward. when you do your at every level and in every situation that you find yourself. If you only show up when it's easy, when you're in a good place, then you're not really in it for him. But if you show up and you give it your all and you're there, even when the going gets tough, you're all in. You'll excuse me. I'm going to give a sports metaphor for a moment, right? You have in sports what are called the fairweather fans. When your team is in first place, your team is making the playoffs, your team is marching to the championship. Okay, you wore their you wore their uh their paraphernalia, you watched, you cheered, you're a fair weather fan. I always marvel. And here in South Florida, it's like the second game of the season, but like who's still going to a Dolphin game? No offense, Dolphins. Like by the third game of the season, it's sort of clear and obvious it's over. They're out. It's done. They're not getting anywhere. And by in the last game of the season, who's filling the stands? Who's wearing the jersey? Who's still cheering for what? They're out. They're they're they're statistically eliminated. What are you doing? LMI. If you're still showing up, then you're a fan. You're a fan. You weren't only cheering because of the positive outcome. you weren't just cheering because you were going to march to the championship. You're a fan. But the guy who like, you know, when you get to the playoffs, let me know. I'll buy tickets. When you get to the playoffs, let me know. I'll tune in and I'll cheer and I'll walk around like I'm the biggest fan. So that person, okay, what about last season when we got knocked out of the playoffs? Can you name a player? I'm not saying these are important things or how you should spend your time at all. I'm giving it dashel. It's a metaphor says when you don't feel it and it's not going to be a winning dling and a winning mitzvah and a winning moment and you show up anyway that's because when you show up then anyway what you're saying is I don't know what will be tomorrow. This is this moment and all I have is right now. The past and the future aren't real. You do know that, right? >> Yeah. >> They're not real. You can't bottle them. You can't distribute them. You can't capture them. You can't hold on to them. They're not real. They're figments of our imagination. They're gone. The past isn't here. You can't get it back. And the future is not yet here. And you can't make it come quicker. They're not real. They're an illusion. They're figments of imagination. They're not real. The only dimension that's real is >> is the present. It's why it's called a gift. Yes. >> The present. A gift from above. The present. That's the only dimension that's real. It's the only dimension that's real. How many people forfeit? How many people lose the present because they're stuck in the past? We know people like that. They're still holding on to 1984 was the best year that summer in camp. My team, we won the championship. What happened with us? They're still holding on to the past. The past. They think their best is behind them. And all they're living through is the past. They're constantly telling you the story that you they told you 4,000 times already. They're in the past. And other people, often young people, are lost in the future. What I'm going to do, where I'm going to go, what I'm going to create, how I'm going to build my home, the way I'm going to raise my children, who I'm going to marry, the job I'm going to have, the difference I'm Hey, buddy. The future's not here yet. Relax. Relax. Or worry what's going to be in the future and how's it going to work out and what's going to go. And I don't know. A lot of people are worried. You know what they both have in common? The people who are living in the past and the people who are worried about or lost in planning for the future, they're both forfeiting the present, which is the only real dimension that we live in. They're forfeiting the present. They're giving it up and it's quickly becoming the past. Every moment of the present that you don't live in the present goes into the illusion figment category called the past. Now, how many people are forfeiting the present because they're stuck in the past or they're lost in the future that's not here. Now, the past and the future have value. What's their value? You learn from the past and you plan for the future. They have value. But both of their value only is how they inform and inspire the present. Both of their values only in how they inform and inspire the present. That's the only dimension that we live in. You know what the risk and the cost of forfeiting the present? I've told the story before. Just watched a documentary about Christopher Reev. Christopher Reev. We know Superman, the great Superman became quadripollegic parapollegic and was confined the rest of his life to a wheelchair immobile. Why? From an equestrian race, he was on a horse and it tripped on a hurdle and landed on him and left him paralyzed. And he once said in an interview when asked, "Was that a particularly difficult hurdle? Did you know that that was a complicated, challenging, particularly difficult hurdle that you ended up tripping on that changed your life forever? Listen to what he said. He said it wasn't wasn't that hurdle. The particularly difficult hurdle was the next one. What happened was he stopped thinking about the hurdle he was jumping because he was thinking about the next one to come. And when he was started thinking about the next one to come is when he tripped on the present hurdle. Superman not being in the present cost him his mobility and his superpowers. Cost him his powers. That's the cost of forfeiting the present is that you lose all your power. Forfeiting the present makes you immobile. Forfeiting the present takes away your Superman changed his life forever. Forever. The present is the only dimension that moment by the way going into next week. It's also the only dimension Hashem cares about on shared before as well. I don't apologize for repeating it because these things need reinforcement. We're learning new things but we weave in things we've shared because they all are critically important and you don't remember them. So I was taught I always taught my whole life. Why do we come to shower? What's it all about? What will we be judged for? >> Past year kind of year. Were you a good boy or a good girl or a bad boy, a bad girl? Let's Come on, pass me. Let me see the ledger. Let's see how many good things and bad things you want. And you're asking for all these things before I grant them to you. Let's see what kind of year you had, how much lush and har you spoke, how much anger, rage you expressed, how much patience, how much generosity, how much stinginess. Let's bring the BRS global campaign and see if your name is there. Let's see the campus expansion and see if you're trying to make a difference. Let's see whether you dive in for the hostages and the people in Israel only for yourself. Let's see last year how you did. That's what I always thought Rash Kipper were for. So, oh boy, I better think about my past year and come gravel and apologize and uh ask for forgiveness to make up for my past year, right? Is that what you thought? Is that what you were taught? Also, the ledger, the past, the past year, we're being judged for our past, says the Hashem could care less about your past. You know why? It's not real. It's an illusion. It's a figment. It's not real for him either. The past is gone. It's not here. How could he punish you or hold you accountable for a past if it's not here and you can't change it or repair it? It's gone. And he's not judging you for a future that hasn't yet happened. So he only can evaluate and judge us based on that moment, the present. I what's all the past, the past? No. All he cares about is in the present. Are you nostalgic for the past? Are you excited, enthusiastic? Do you have wonderful memories of all of your mistakes? Do you hold on to them? Do they still inform you? Are they still how you're behaving and shaping shaping you today? Then then they're not part of your past. They're part of your present. If you left them behind, if you have remorse and regret, if you look back with shame and guilt, if you're determined to never do them again, then in your present, they're not here. All he cares about is the present. And do you know why that's unbelievably empowering? Because it means and you don't have to wait till the first night of rash. Today the present is any moment chuva is allowed all year round. All you have to do in this moment is say you know what I am breaking up with you past. It's a problem in me not in you. I'm sorry we had fun together but I'm breaking up with you past. I'm leaving you behind. It's over. It's over. that pattern, those habits, that behavior. I'm done. I'm not thinking about it. I'm not nostalgic about it. I'm not fantasizing about it. I'm not holding on to it. And I'm never going to repeat it. I'm done with you past. And officially, effectively, immediately, this is the new me. The new me. I'm not speaking. I'm not looking at the wrong thing. I'm not coming. I'm not talking. I'm not getting angry. I'm not getting jealous. The new me. Hashem says, "Oo, wow. It's sadic." And Hashem is not being sarcastic. Shem is saying takadic sadic sadic and you want me to prove it I'll prove it to you with the good kaducian I thought we're going to finish this section today the good morning kaducian says the following what if a man proposes to a woman with a condition I hereby propose to you will you marry me on condition that I'm a millionaire and she accepts the ring on the condition if he's a millionaire they're married if he's not they're I hereby propose to you on condition that and whatever the condition is. If the condition is met, they're married. The condition says if the condition is not met, they're not married. What if he says, I'm hereby married to you on the condition. I'm married to you on condition that I'm a righteous righteous person. Are they married? So the Gar says, one second. One of the a day kaducian, one of the witnesses at this kupa says, "You're marrying on condition that you're at saddic." I just saw you on the way walking down to the eating a cheeseburger. On the way down, walking to the you were mumbling lash to your mother and your father next to you. On the way walking down to the I don't know, don't think about but think about the worst of what do you mean? You know what the gar says? They're married. You know why? Because standing under the at that moment he was determined and he decided his new present. He declared I am hereby at saddak. Now that makes you at saddak well that depends in the next moment in your new present. Are you still at saddak? And the next moment in your new present are you still at saddak? If you revert back to who you were you're not at sadic not because of the past but because in your present you didn't live up to what you said. All Hashem cares about is our present. Do you know how empowering that is? So many people are stuck. They're paralyzed and debilitated because they have shame and guilt for a past. I can't tell you how many people I know who can forgive everyone around them. The only one they can't forgive is themselves. They can't forgive themselves. If they were a different husband or wife, maybe they'd still be married. If they tried harder, maybe they would have a different financial situation and they could retire. If they just had did done this, if they had just done that, things could have been different. And they're stuck. They're stuck and paralyzed with regret and shame and misery. But Hashem says, "Get out of the muck." Hashem says, "Get out of the straight jacket." Hashem says, "The past is gone. Don't beat yourself up. Forgive yourself. Get into the present. You're forfeiting your present by being stuck in the past with shame and regret. Instead, live in this moment and be determined in this mat of what's next. Am I a sadic right now or a Russia or a benon? Halen. What am I next? What's next? What am I next? What's next? That's all he cares about is the present. It's enormously pressuring because the present never stops. It keeps coming. It keeps coming. It's exhausting. That level of mindfulness and consciousness to be in every present, every moment. That's exhausting. Keeps coming. Keeps coming. It's exhausting. But it's also empowering because it means, oh, I for I I blew it. The last moment I messed up. It's a new moment. It's a new moment. It's a new present. Now, the last moment matters if I bring it with me into this moment. But if in this moment I've proved myself to be a new person, that's all he cares about. Isn't that amazingly empowering? So when we finish here, we're moment we're going to do our question and answer only for the live audience. Turn off the stream and recording. Hope you've got some good juicy controversial questions. But we'll do our question in a moment. When it's over and when you leave here, what's your next moment demand of you? Who are you in the next moment? Saddaken or a Russia? righteous in between or a wicked. What's our next moment? We get to write our story. We're writing the next page. We're authoring the next chapter. Our book is not yet done. Our next moment has yet to be lived. Our next gift, that next moment of that next present is ours to mold and shape and decide who we're going to be. And that's what we're going to be judged for. So, make the most of it. Live it fully. Do it with intention and consciousness and mindfulness. and decide what's my mission. No one else can do my mission. No one you're sitting next to on either side, no one who's listening at home, no one who's not here who never heard of the amunes, nobody else on this planet called Earth, nobody who's lived before or will come after. No one else can do your mission in this moment. You and only you. Now, what's it going to be? What is your next minute? Everything with that intention from our eating to our watching recreation to where we go and who we call and what we do. What does the next moment demand of me? Am I fully present in it? Please God, we should live up to it fully and make the most of it, fulfill our mission and live every moment to be signed and sealed for avoir until next year. Our next year is not until next year. Next week we're not meeting because you'll all be busy >> Wednesday morning. So we're not meeting but please God will pick up after that. We'll finish up this and figure out the next text we're going to learn. Keep the emails coming. They mean the most. The recording and stream are going off, but stay put for questions and answers.