Living With Emunah (Part 328) - No Regrets

okay good morning good morning Boer to welcome back to living with amuna our amuna series is generously sponsored by Dr zavi andella Morgan and memory ofab Dr Brian gabin in memory of her mother Dr Ellen shanzer we remain incredibly grateful to our dear friends the Morgans for their generosity and sponsorship this morning is also sponsored by Harry ukus in commemoration of the second year side of beloved husband Barne Ulus whom we miss wonderful member of our community and by Sarah melon in honor of her father Z Gil melon Gil Ben okay the emails continue to pour in which I'm so grateful for each and every one of them inspire me personally and I hope by sharing them with you they inspire you as well so even if I don't get to being able to read all of them in the shear out loud I read all of them myself I'm collecting them and we'll get a chance at some point to share them so please continue to send them also kanaka gift for you if you've not yet taken a caffeinate with cavana caffeinate with cavana aop please do or a Turn the Page notebook about mod an we're grateful to hm every day is a new day if you want to make a donation there's a little kiosk in the lobby feel free to donate any amount that you want but we're happy for you to have and continue to promote and share to live with amuna to be able to implement it okay let's share some emails we'll dive back into our wonderful text together first email I'm really excited to share with you remember last week we spoke about the young man who was disappointed to find out his BMI didn't match and he was given only a short time 11 day 11 days I think it was to lose seven kilo hi Rabbi Goldberg in case you're wondering he did it wow after 10 tough days sticking to a crazy protocol my son arrived for his weigh in today at the draft Center he lost even more than the required seven kilo he was thrilled he hugged the doctor and the soldiers who were there he danced with joy he's in the unit with his friends from his Yeshiva and he's over the moon he worked so hard to accomplish his goal he doin to connected with Hashem through the process he learned so much about himself and is finally ready to start his training and serve as a proud Israeli soldier he reports at his base to begin tomorrow he is where he's meant to be and so are we his parents giving it over to Hashem over and over again through the week and especially this morning helped us get through this stressful time I'm sure I'll be needing auna muscle through his service mayem protect him and all the soldiers while they do their vital work protecting us what an email what a mother what a son what soldiers as I said last week only Israeli Army is a kid not take a young man not take his exemption and run but he says I'm going to go on an insane diet for a week to get myself down to qualify to enlist to show up to be at basic training to go to war to battle to defend my people how lucky how fortunate how blessed we are to be part of such a people and to have such Heroes and uh a mother and a father who raised them in such a way so I'm so happy you know often you get email you don't know the followup as a rabbi you meet with people all the time you hear their problems and troubles you have no idea how something worked out so I'm great grateful to this for that followup go I wanted to email you about your class last couple of weeks with the point you bring up about anger but I have't gar ran is what I teach before this on Wednesday mornings the ramban's letter to his son the ramban's letter to eaching every one of us but but the letter writer continues I just listened to yuner and I'm an O of how Hashem guided me so openly so now he's giving me an opportunity to email you about both I teach the 48 ways of wisdom to a 12th grad girls class about a month ago in class we were discussing different Hashem moments the girls had and one girl was feeling so connected to him that he was doing everything she was thinking about she asked me do I think my thoughts on Hashem makes it happen or he's putting it into my head I wasn't sure how to answer it since our high school age and I fully engrossed and living the life of yet and I felt that question play a big role I wasn't sure what to say thank you Hashem class was over and I told I'll try to get back to her was thinking of emailing you or a different R I thought about it did Myas just yesterday I was thinking about it how I never heard back from the other of and of course now Hashem sends me your amuna class where you address the exact question I love Hashem he always takes such perfect care of me number two I wanted to share amazing Insight that my 12-year-old daughter remember the story in the Roa the mother and the daughter pulling the suitcase who were detoured and wondered maybe they run into a me in airport and it turns out we met in the RO in The Old City she was telling me she was talking to a friend about parents her friend was saying how her mother yells at her and my daughter says say it's so annoying my mother never does she just gives me talks she then tells me the reason I want why I want you to yell is because then I know I'm right because yelling at someone is never the right thing so obviously the parent is wrong but if the parent is talking and Cal it means we probably did something wrong I was amazed about how much truth there is to that how obvious is to our children thank you for the sh's anger we're learning in in the is all about anger I so excited to be sharing this story I hope it will be read so I can publicly thank Hashem the world know just how much Hashem loves each of us us I got a phone call from a friend who's living in AEL phone number came up as an Israeli phone number I was confused to see it was letting the call go through because I don't have international calling I couldn't talk that minute though so I told her I'd call her back later I called her back and it went through so we spoke on the phone for 30 minutes the back of my head I was thinking I really hope I don't get charged for this call sure enough 20 minutes after hanging up I get a text from T-Mobile a bill for $132 for the international call I think to myself wow okay Gula for some reason I don't know hasm wanted me to not have this money I okay I'll pay it it's annoying but it's hashem's plan so I accept I'm not exaggerating when I say less than 24 hours later I get a phone call from work telling me that my hourly salary from last year to this year went up she mistakenly miscalculated my hours from this year my next paycheck will have an additional $122 Hashem paid me back with money I didn't know I even had and money I accepted hhm was taking away from me thank you for the amuna class they help me so much keep doing what you're doing Hashem should bless our family everybody much beautiful okay H so more I want to tell you de Gober the recent class on the topic of not having regret have been perfect timing for me right we're learning about that tell us Rabbi say a sign of wickedness wickedest people are filled with regret they're stuck in the past they're looking backwards they wish they did things differently and the bght because the question was if you're filled with regret so you're not a Russia you're not a wicked person you're a righteous person you regret the mistakes you made and if you're a righteous person you wouldn't have regret so what does it mean that Wicked people have regret and the bov taught it's an expression of wickedness to be stuck in the past looking back whatever we did wherever Hashem put us it was from him we didn't invest we did invest we watched we looked we went we didn't go we reacted that way we learn from it we grow from it we do better next time but stop feeling regret don't be stuck in the past don't wish you could do things differently because you can't go back in time so the recent class on this I recently made a decision that had unintended consequences and when I knew it was from Hashem I needed to work hard to accept it I wanted to share a story that happened a few days in I was sitting in the car with my two-year-old grandson waiting to pick someone up my grandson got bored of sitting in his car seat so I took him on my lap so he could drive with the steering wheel which she enjoyed very much I think they were parked I hope they were parked when it was time to leave of course I put him back in the car seat and I thought okay Hashem I get it thank you for letting me pretend to drive in my life I'm going back to the back of the car where I belong thank you as always for the we think that we're driving we think we're in control we think we're in the driver's seat we're in the passenger seat there's nothing worse than being in the passenger seat and yelling at the person in the driver's seat as someone who's often on the driver seat there's nothing worse than the person in the passenger seat or the person in the back seat who's yelling at you barking instructions at you screaming you're coming too close to the car in front of you there's nothing worse doesn't need us to scream at him from the passenger seat or the back seat he's in the driver's seat let go and let God and enjoy the ride I always say to the theoretical person in the passenger seat who's yelling at me hypothetically I say you're lucky you're fortunate just go on your phone say to learn the paraa make it do so you're lucky just enjoy the ride I'll get you there I'll tell you when we're there just enjoy the ride soem says to us just enjoy the ride I'm driving just enjoy the ride so just like that little kid who could play with the steering wheel and think they're driving we think we're in the driver's seat we show our because they thought I was driving and I missed the turn I was driving and I made a mistake but if you know you were never driving then you're not filled with regret or remorse you just recognize that Hashem is is in charge we submit we surrender we let go we let God he's in charge we do our best it's establ we have to make our effort last week's Pas yob wrestles with the angel all night long is translation is T of the word toest is make an effort wrestle we wrestle with ourselves to be better we wrestle with the world around us to live the righteous way we wrestle to live with amuna we have to make our effort you can't sit back and wait for the world to hand you what you think is coming to you it's not nobody's coming to rescue you no one's given it to you we have to make our effort show up go to work shop cook visit do take care exercise we have to make our effort but once we've done it let go and let God once we've done what we can do and what we need to do and what we should do the rest is up to him he's driving don't look back don't get stuck don't perseverate don't get paralyzed don't be don't be uh held back let go yeah you could have should have would have that thinking will never accomplish anything good ever it just holds us back from living the present you forfeit the present and you sabotage the future when you're stuck in the past it's he's the one driving he's got the steering wheel not us okay one more because I know we're here to learn to see the text [Music] okay one more de Goldberg I graduated a couple months ago and chose a field to pursue after graduation for reasons I don't even know I really disliked it and finding a job in the field I wanted to enter was extremely difficult I applied to many positions and had great interviews but received rejection letters at the time I was also dating someone for a while so I figured it was Asus considering that if I married him I would have to be out of town and I would find the job where I ended up however it was not meant to be we broke up a couple of weeks ago I started my search again applying to places I promised I would never want to work driven by desperation to escape the field I was in at this point I felt lost with the breakup and the job rejections I discovered your shum during this time for which I will forever be grateful I could hear your voice in my head allowing me to acknowledge I am where I meant to be no one but Hashem can get me out of this situation I also realized I could not stay at my job any longer if I wanted to maintain my sanity I just want to come back to because this is what we've been learning and focusing on is wherever we are we are where we're meant to be when we're in that place we're not stuck we're not lost we are where we're meant to be lean into that momentem is wherever we are and as I've been teaching it and sharing it and preaching it I've been trying to practice it yesterday I went to a wedding beautiful two members of our community an incredible incredible beautiful evening beautiful evening but I don't know when sometime over the last few years they moved Surfside further away from us I don't know what happened when I first moved here it was 40 minutes away and incrementally it's gotten farther and farther I don't know if earthquakes or the ground has moved I don't know what happened I didn't know that was possible but it's gotten farther and further so now it's an hour and 40 minutes away from us I don't know how that happened so I needed to be there on time I was helping with certain things at the beginning of the wedding and I'm watching the traffic build up and then when I got to The Venue just the block where it is took almost as long to get around the corner and inside as it did to get down there and my first thought is I'm watching the clock and now I'm late and I pride myself in being punctual and on time and what if they read to start and what if they need me and what if and I said hey you teach the Amun here you get these emails you preach all the time you are where you're meant to be and I have to tell you again I'm saying this not to boast it's actually the opposite I'm telling you this to reveal how pathetic I am but in that moment when you take that deep breath and you realize I left on time I checked ways I did by a I did everything responsible I was meant to do and now there's a traffic jam turning the corner finding the park and getting inside that's clearly what's meant to be from above I'm meant to be in this car right now I'm not meant to be yet there and of course they were running behind nobody was waiting for me or looking for me I was well on time I was able to hit The Carving Station before I was even needed it was all fine only in my mind did I blow up this big deal and everyone's waiting and I'm in trouble and that's it my career is over you know we we tend to blow up and inflate every situation and after the fact we should have learned I think it was Mark Twain who said my life has been filled with many troubles most of which have never happened some quote like that right we have all these problems in life most of which never actually happened they're just our panic and our fear and our anxiety and our worry but if we can in those moments lean in and say Hashem wants me on the corner Collins where he wants me that's where he wants me no cars are moving the track this where he wants me so let go do something else make a phone call put on a sheer say to this is where he wants you so let go and and throughout life and again that was a benign moment that was an insignificant moment and I know there are people who feel stuck like the author of this email who thought they were on their way to marriage and it turns out that didn't work out who chose the path of a career she really doesn't love and is struggling to find the position but if in those moments we could say stop trying to escape the place you're in because it's where you're meant to be and the moment that we lean into being in that place the place opens up and we don't know where it leads to we don't know where that place leads to and that's why we're working on not yet done our luggage tags and our decal for the windshield and all these amuna things not to make any money off of them because I promise we don't especially when we end up giving them away but where reason we're producing them is so that the next time I'm stuck I will look at that decal and realize lean in just lean in it's where you're meant to be the next time you're sitting that luggage tag shouldn't go on the luggage you check it should go on your carry-on and while you're waiting at the gate and the flight's getting further delayed or you're worried or there's no overhead or the person sitting next to you you see that decal you'll see that luggage tag and we'll remember this is your place this is where you're meant to be back to the author back to the letter the email I could hear your voice in my head allowing me I'm not meant to be no one but one but hasem can get me out of the situation I also realized I could not stay at my job any longer if I wanted to maintain my sanity or reciting a par I emailed my supervisors an email I had drafted weeks ago stating I was quitting afterward I felt a sense of peace knowing I was doing what I could only understand to be the right thing and it was for the best although I still don't know if it was right or wrong an hour or to later I got a call from the job I interviewed for a week ago ironically I thought it was my worst interview out of all of them and I got the job had I found this position months ago I would have been upset I had to work there since I wanted to work somewhere with a great reputation but now that I got this job I couldn't be happier postcript I drafted this email about two months ago since then that offer was rescinded due to my qualifications requiring me to interview again with a different department that offer was rescinded I leaned again on my amuna to help me had a second interview I reached out to find out a couple days later they called me with a job offer the time of this email I'm almost two weeks into my new job I don't know what hasm asked plan for me I know it's for the best all I have to do is stay calm and know he is in charge thank you for the sh again I could read more and more and more emails the common theme of the emails right now because it's the common theme of what we're learning is lean in whatever that place you're not lost you're not stuck you're not displaced you are where you're meant to be where are where we're meant to be by definition we're not displaced because if that's where we are after the effort we've made then it's where we're meant to be and accept it and lean into it and then we're going to figure it out based on it we'll figure it out based on it it's a beautiful Yeshiva the northern border Kon in Israel my nephew actually is in that HDA Yeshiva who's been fighting in the Army it's actually visiting here actually boeh this week the beautiful Yeshiva K went back last week after 15 months of being displaced you might have seen the video that when the boys in the ISA when the B found out they were going back they sang and they danced they sang and they you might have seen that video again singing and dancing many of them themselves have been fighting Non-Stop and they're backing Yesa back to their Bas medish so ien have a relationship with the Yeshiva and I found out that do you know what's been happening in the Yeshiva in the 15 months that they've been displaced because it's on the northern border it's literally a couple kilometers from Lebanon the campus they gave it to the Army that's where the Army has been staying and staging to go in and fight 15,000 soldiers now there was no housekeeping and no maintenance crew 15 months of 15,000 soldiers sleeping and using and staging a campus what do you think it looks like you can't imagine you can't imagine the expense of putting it back together for these boys so do you think these boys said uh send the housekeeper the cleaning ladies let us know when my bed is made and the floor is mopped and I can go back to my dorm these boys grabbed a mop and a broom so let's get to work let's put our Yeshiva back because the reason it's broken down is because it housed holy soldiers who've been defending our people they went back they could use a lot of shekels if you want to donate and contribute they need a lot because believe it or not believe it or not they had they gave their campus for free and weren't reimbursed and they had to pay to relocate the Yeshiva because only the rabim were residents of the north for which they were reimbursed by the government the B who come from all over Israel were not reimbursed for being dislocated for being relocated so incredible but they didn't have an attitude that they've been dislocated for 15 months because the Jew is never dislocated a Jew is where they're meant to be where Hashem wants us it's uncomfortable it's inconvenient these 80 90,000 from the north who are beginning to go home they are in some ways the unsung heroes of this war they didn't get visitors and gifts and they haven't been spoiled and taken care of they left their homes and their Vineyards and their fields and their businesses and their schools and their shoes for 15 months not for two weeks or a week or 10 days but if a person has a mentality you're never dislocated you are where you're meant to be then you can endure then you can be resilient then you can lean in and embrace why you're there and what you're supposed to do while you're there until it's time to go back okay back to and he says the following so we quoted one teaching of the the holy b b taught it's wickedness to be filled with regret a Jew faces forward a Jew lives forward a Jew goes from now how can I go forward we don't live in regret we don't live in the past we don't live stuck we don't perseverate so has another teaching and because of the sweetness and the pleasantness and the deliciousness of what the says I'm gonna give it in his words and when this secret is known to a person they will understand that there is no there is no division there's no breakdown there's no tension with what someone wants to do and what hem does a person needs to know when we put in our effort when we give our best when we do what's meant for us to do when we afterwards let go and let God there's no regret There's No Remorse there's no tension there's no resentment there's no anchor the outcome is what's meant to be so if a person had idea said something they wanted to accomplish they had a dream they had a vision they had a project they had something they wanted to do within their family within their own lives for their Community for one of the mostos the institutions that they work hard on behalf of had a vision had a dream had a goal and they executed to the best of their ability but the outcome the result didn't meet the expectation don't be disappointed and don't be resentful and certainly don't beat yourself up recognize it wasn't in hashem's plan the will ofm was the opposite and ifem wanted this to come to fruition if he wanted this to finish if he wanted this business to take off if he wanted this project to conclude if he wanted this to happen it would have happened and if it didn't happen after I did all that I can then it was not meant to be you know outside the construction we're doing a big campus expansion it's going to be incredible if you were hear this past shabas you understand why the were overflowing into the hallway and multiple Simas you couldn't coordinate and the learning and the davening and the activities and the youth and the Teen and the Outreach and is advocacy it's an expensive proposition we've incredibly generous donors have gotten us a lot of the way there but there's still a long way to go and I bear an enormous amount of the responsibility to do the solicitations the meetings and I can't tell you how much Amun has helped me because it's a lot of rejection in fundraising there's some rabbis who love fundraising they live for fundraising they get a high off fundraising I live for the am this year I I that's why I stop and buy a lottery ticket every now and then they say Hashem I want to learn and I want to teach your Torah and I want to be there to help your people so let's just let's do this the quick way and then Hashem looks down at me and he laughs and he says nice try Goldberg get back to work you're gonna you're gonna if you want this to happen you got to get to work but when you live with auna you say when someone says not my thing or I don't want to give or I can't give or I'm not going to give the amount you asked you say okay I'm not angry at that person doesn't change my opinion my relationship my love of that person if Hashem wants this to happen he's going to send the money from somewhere else and if we can't get to our goal which is not an option but if we can't get to our goal then Hashem didn't want this to be so whatever you're going through in life you have dreams big shifas Big Dreams big Visions for your personal life for yourself for your family for your community for if you go in with the attitude and the mentality to all on me and my ego and what will happen if we fail and what will they say then you destroy yourself but if you go in and you say Hashem you're my partner you're the senior partner and if you want this to happen it will succeed and if you don't no matter what we do we won't get there now let's get to work I'm gonna give it my all I'm gonna give it my absolute all I'm Gonna Leave It All Out on the field I'm gonna give it my all but I don't I don't not sleep at night and I don't walk away dejected if someone says no because of a i i it's my attitude because there's rejection and it's complicated they people you love they people you've done a lot for they people you think have capacity they people you think buy into what you're doing and there many people like that which is why we're at where we're at so far but not everybody does and there's no judgment because Hashem wants it to happen it will happen and if he doesn't or doesn't want it to happen at our Pace it'll be on his pace and if Hashem had me run out of steam for whatever it is for whatever dream whatever Vision whatever aim whatever goal if the result doesn't match my expectation after I did the best I can because we're not looking to cop out we're not looking for excuses we're not looking to justify ourselves we have to learn we have to give our all we have to do our best but after we've done those things if the result if it's not what we thought or what was meant let go it's okay says the it's a so it's a secret to happiness and joy and Sim and a skip in your step do you understand how much happier your life could be you're not walking around resentful and angry and bitter and critical of others and critical of yourself let go do your best and then realize you're in hashem's hands it's his plan do our best for whatever project big or small for whatever goal personal or mundane or religious we do our best and then we let go and we start again okay what's next by the way when we are successful that's also only because of him so lest you this is what we're learning in lest you walk around with your nose on the air filled with pride on Me My Success my business my entrepreneurship my Innovation my hard work my Sweat and Tears It's My Success I'm the one who got it done I'm the one who did relax he gave you the strength the Ingenuity the wisdom the creativity he gave you the courage he gave you the success it's all from him take pride that he gave you the talents and gifts and you've used them be proud of the hard work you put in and how you use them but ultimately know that those gifts those talents they were on loan never part of our permanent collection they're on loan from Hashem they could disappear any moment they're never part of our permanent collection so when you live your life this way don't you realize how much happier it is don't you realize in a certain extent how Carefree it is the people who walk around all nervous and anxious and on edge how will this work out how will that out what's going to be with this what will the there what that whoa just relax just relax take a nice bath and let go relax just let it go it's all good take a few deep breaths restore your Nish through Nima take a few deep breaths restore your soul through breathing connect with Hashem again and let go Hashem worked hard on this drer I worked hard on this speech I planned this Sim I worked on that project I cheered this event and now you walk into you say Hashem and now it's all you it's all you the rest is up to you and whatever the result will be not only do I accept I'm happy with because it's your will you understand how much lighter you feel how much lighter you feel I think it's the D maged who has a mush a wagon driver a wagon is is going from place a to place B and there's a person who has all this luggage and packages and they ask for a ride so wagon driver says sure there's a spot there's space Come Aboard come on so the person gets in and they're holding on to their luggage and they're clutching their packages and they're holding it still so after a few minutes the wagon driver turns around and he says put put your stuff down so the person says no no no I feel bad it's nice enough that you're giving me the ride I feel bad if You' have to give the ride to my things too so I'm just holding it the wagon driver says it doesn't weigh anymore if you put it down so you might as well put it down and enjoy the ride I'm carrying you and I'm carrying your things so you might as well put them down and enjoy the ride and that's what Theon Shalom says to us says the B says the whatever pea whatever we're carrying there are real things that people are carrying I know there are real things that people are carrying whatever you're carrying it it put it down and enjoy the ride because it doesn't get lighter because you're holding on to it you know what it gets gets heavier that's the other mush it's not from the mag it's of the professor who stands at the front of the room and holds up a beaker filled with water turns to the students and says how much does this Beaker weigh one says 1 oun three ounces a pound the professor looks at them and says you're right so you're right which one of us we said different amounts who's right he says you're all right how can we all be right we said different weights he said because the longer I hold it the heavier it becomes when you pick it up it's light do you ever you did resistance training you could pick up light weights just hold your arms hold your arms like this with weights which at first like this is nothing this is no big deal okay let me come back to you in 90 seconds you ever try to uh what's that called plank ever plank first one second it's easy 90 seconds in you're shaking you're sweating you're about to pass out so the hold the longer you hold it the heavier it becomes says just put it down just put it down because nothing's heavy for me so put it down I'm giving you a ride I'm giving your things a ride so put your things down put your peeka down and enjoy the ride that's what the B says we do the best we can we take our initiative we make our effort we do the best we can and then let go and let God put it down and enjoy the ride enjoy the you got to you made the you did the whatever you did a person who has faith inem we know he created the world we know he's in charge we know he controls we know he's the source of all of existence we know that this whole world is an illusion is a matrix he is the reality you never complain and nothing is a wonder and you're never resentful or disappointed or anxious because nothing is beyond Hashem he's in charge he's in control how many of these emails say I love you hasem and you're amazing and just then and it worked out and it turned out and it happened there was a guy this morning who told me a story here he came out of he was in Brooklyn it's not easy a park and he par I shouldn't have said where but it's not a knock on the place it could be anywhere and he parked he found the parking spot and he came out of Minion and on top of his car someone had dumped garbage dirty diapers newspapers peels on top of his car filled with garbage filled with garbage he didn't have his budget or the time to go to a car wash but he had to go to a car wash to get all the stuff and the smell and for his car to not be destroyed and as he's getting in his car and as he's preparing to go to a car wash which wasn't in his budget not of money and not of time right then a street cleaner with a pressure washer is coming down the street and he says to the guy could you give a spritz in Brooklyn you could probably say that to anybody not only a Jew could you give a spritz to my car on the top of my car that guy says absolutely my pleasure wipes off the top of his car cleans it in 10 seconds the guy says you know I come down this street once a year our root you power wash once a year and I wasn't meant to be here today but I was sick last week and that's why I'm here today and the guy just happens to tell me the story not for the amuna here says listen to this amazing story hm is amazing so it didn't cost me money didn't cost me time Hashem sent the car wash to me I don't know why he had someone dump garbage on my car to figure out that reason and we do should look at ourselves and our lives and try to understand how can I grow how can I learn am I dumping my garbage literal metaphorical on others what do I learn from it the fact that dark garbage was dumped on my car I don't know I gotta learn I don't know why he did it but when I didn't have time or money to go to a car wash ped Hashem rearranged the other guy's schedule so the car wash came to me can hasem not make a car wash come to you nothing is beyond Hashem nothing nothing so whatever we have is what we're meant to have we're never lacking we're never missing it is what we're meant at work hard do what we can do do the best that we do but after that whatever we have is what we're meant to have wherever we are is what we're meant to be stop stressing stop getting anxious perseverating stop sabotaging our own happiness our own life everyone knows this the those who seek are not missing what are they not missing they have everything if you're dorem you're not missing anything you're not missing anything so the question is are we DM are we DM we have to be Searchers and Seekers of Hashem if whatever your circumstance wherever you are whatever you have whatever you're going through you're looking for hashem's hand Hashem I'm not upset I for I left out the most important part of the story the garbage was dumped on his car on his way into minion so it threw him a little bit and then when he went into sh he said hem I'm not upset I'm not bothered I'm not angry I'm not frustrating you dump the garbage on my car when I come out of Minion I'll figure it out and that's what he said to me he feels that Hashem sent the car wash to him the car washer because he told Hashem I accept I'm not angry I'm not bitter I'm not frustrated you it's from you it's all from you D in every moment D search seek look for hasem look for hasem in every place in every moment in every experience in every person and then to you won't be missing all the good there's so much good and how much good do we miss out on because instead of seeing what's right under our nose instead of seeing the amazing people amazing experiences amazing coincidences instead we're so busy being anxious and resentful and frustrated and bitter and hypocritical that we're missing out on on all this good don't miss out on the Tove don't miss out on the good beem search and seek and look for Hashem and you'll see the good is not easy and I don't want to minimize it it's not easy person who doesn't know where their next meal is coming from where their next paycheck is coming from how they're keeping the lights on person is worried about their health or the health of a loved one so it's not simple it's not simple to say this where we meant to be it's what Hashem wants this is somehow for the good not simple I don't want to minimize and suggest it's simple but the fact that something is not simple doesn't mean it's not what we're meant to do it's not what we're capable of doing we are capable says to put in our heart for sure with certainty this is for our good if I was meant to have that thing then a would make sure it wasn't kept from me if I don't have it I wasn't meant to have it if I didn't get this job it wasn't the job for me the didn't go through it wasn't the right a can make anything happen and nobody could prent no how hard how hard they try so if I don't have it it wasn't meant for me this door closed it's because Hashem is gonna open up another so stop trying to break down the door you know what's going to happen you're going to break down the door and you'll be in the wrong place Don't force the issue sometimes the door closes he opens up another he opens up another so first opened our eyes to he leads our footsteps he take us where we're meant to be he takes us on that journey I told you the story walking around the circle and I ran ran into somebody he always takes us where we are meant to be now is alerting us to another BR we say every morning to start our day who does for me all my needs how could you say that what do you mean Hashem does for me all my needs but I didn't get the new car the latest phone and that job and that income the lab report that I wanted so is it a are you taking God's name in vain are you wasting a Blessing by saying we say every morning it's not it must be does do everything I need do my effort take my initiative and then what I have is what I meant to have where I am is where I meant to be and if I feel I'm missing I'm lacking I don't have that is a sign that you're not supposed to have it the store ran out of the thing you need the pharmacy ran out of the Pres it won't be ready for another day the thing the car wasn't repaired on top the drive clean wasn't CL so what are you g to get angry resentful bitter miserable you didn't you should have you could have you would have you're not meant to have it you have K I knew I should have gone to the dry cleaner I knew I should have checked the pharmacy a day I knew I should don't be filled with regret don't get stuck in the past say okay next time it be different me next time I learn from it next time what can I extract but I don't have regret I'm not nervous I'm not anxious I'm not worried I'm not meant to have it they were meant to run out of it I was meant to be the last one of there is nothing missing or lacking by definition provides and gives and sustains and does and we have what we're meant to have it's a mentality it's a way of life it's a way of living and I can't tell you how much better life is that way I am testifying that yesterday I was anxious and nervous in the car and running late and I planned and I left on time and I used ways and what is this and why and how and how could this be and won't it be and won't it happen the moment I said well one second what are you doing what are you doing you give the shear what are you doing you are where you're meant to be it still took a good eight minutes till I was 10 minutes till I was inside but those 10 minutes were the best part of my ride because I was in conversation with him about something else Al together because I had already let go I was already not nervous anymore I already decided okay and if they are waiting okay okay what will be what's the worst case scenario and it's not your fault this is the way he made it so it means by definition it's for the best and I cannot tell you how much better your life is I can't tell you how much better your life is and your relationship with your spouse and with your children because it's all the way it's meant to be so what does that mean we shouldn't hold others accountable I told you this is complicated we still have to fully unpack it what does that mean when your spouse or your child fails you on something they were supposed to do and you want to tell them I'm disappointed or I'm frustrating or I think you should apologize and they say no no no no no no I listened to Goldberg Z munir so you need to know that the thing I failed you on wasn't me it was Hashem wanted you failed take it up with him take it up with him that my socks are next to the hamper not in it take it up with him I forgot to pick up the dry clean take it up with him that I told you I left work but I still stayed another hour take it up with him because that's the way Hashem wanted me it's when he wanted me to be home that's how he wanted it to go down no it's not to the exclusion of being people being accountable and apologizing and taking responsibility and improving relationships but it does help us on our side say we're gonna have a conversation gonna ask him to do it differently or her to do it differently in the future to learn from it because this is how it makes me feel but I'm not going to be filled with rage and anger and resentment because there's Hashem in this equation he's part of it and he wasn't meant to be home while dinner was still warm for whatever reason tonight so I'm not going to Forfeit and lose and harm my marriage I'm just gonna have a calm conversation to work it out rather than what often escalates with a child with a parent with the school with the rabbi with the boss with whatever it is in work zat will finish up this paragraph but par owning him actually it's tooo long a paragraph we'll stop here we'll pick up with this next time but but this is it's a way of life it's a prescription for life it is a prescription for life and by the way science is coming around more if a person has a clinical diagnosis 100% anti-depressants anxiety medication half the world they used to say half to world the whole world's on it needs it should use it there's no judgment or criticism of it it's wonderful we're blessed to live in such a time that these resources are available to us God forbid I'm not suggesting anyone should stop taking medication and just start listening to the this year what I am suggesting we have to be very very careful but what I am suggesting is that science will now tell you that in addition to the medication everyone needs the Amun that a person who lives with faith will find greater happiness the person who Wills to let go and to feel to not be holding on so tight let go of the reins and the controls and you'll feel the smile on your face life will be better should hear please take a caffein with cavana please take a turn the page if you do please make a donation of any amount in the sh Lobby