Living With Emunah (Part 312) - Be Big!

good morning Boer to everyone welcome back to living with amuna wonderful to be back together again if you want to be up to date on our schedule the summer will be somewhat erratic on and off so to stay up to date to get to the link to live share bonus material make sure you're part of our WhatsApp Group by eim go.org WhatsApp you can join the WhatsApp groups for all the shur maruna series is generously sponsored by DRS Ali and Bella Morgan in memory of RAB Dr Brian galin and a memory of Bella's mother Dr Ellen shanzer I have to tell you I just came back from Israel a short trip to Israel and the Incredible shanders the Incredible shanas the Incredible Morgans who've been sponsoring our Shear for several years I had never met them before so I went out to dinner with them and they are Extraordinary People amazingly generous but also extraordinary they moved to Israel four years ago and AI is the head of cardiac transplant at telim hospital and Bella is an accomplished psychiatrist and they're both doing amazing things and we're very very grateful for their sponsorship their son who's in the IDF and uh maintains a beautiful Journal on uh on WhatsApp that I'm now part of really amazing people and I'm so grateful for their generosity and for their friendship this morning sheir is dedicated nishas was the 22nd of year alah as well so um lots of amuna Stories We want to do our amuna learning and get back into the Torah but I want to share some emails and stories uh and stories with you I'll um I'll save my own for later maybe another time let's start with some others hi my husband I love the we constantly listen to it together in the car we have a family am chat unites the family in such a positive manner this morning in the shear this was the last Shear we gave two weeks ago you quoted a coach who talks with tremendous amuna you said that you never ever see Jew talk about God the way this coach does no fear unab Bashan Unapologetic every interview all he talks about is God I was talking about the coach of the Boston Celtics you remember a couple shum ago who was so god- centered and thanking God and grateful for God and put on a t-shirt right when they won the championship first we thank God and all about God thank you and I mentioned uh that story once when I was at a Starbucks and a group of women said let's pray on it and demonstrated their faith so publicly and and Jews would we ever do that we're so apologetic and defensive and quiet and shash and don't wear it on your sleeve and don't let anybody see and so on so the author of this email writes in my experience plenty of my firm Jewish peers talk like that constantly no fear unabashed Unapologetic every time they qualify in the Jewish women's Overeaters Anonymous meetings we all talk like that because we know it's true Our Lives is recovered over eers is totally dependent on being gifted by hem with abstinence maybe we aren't being interviewed on public media but when my sponsor lifts the pot of water with food from the sink to the stove she says Hashem thank you for helping me lift this pot of food before I enter my house I try to Envision the cloud un un hovering over my head and I ask Hashem to help me feel his presence in my home we all acknowledge constantly that our absence is a gift from Hashem one day at a time listen to the Jewish meetings you might sometimes think you're on a mini amuna she thanks for the shear a lot of us recovered Overeaters listen to it to help strengthen in our connection with Hashem so I stand in corrected the notion that Jews were so Unapologetic and we're so shash and we're so quiet it's not true at least there's one group there are many others but it's true within the recovery community of which I am in awe all the segments of the recovery Community it's also god- centered and higher power and surrender to a higher power and we can't do it without the higher power and that is what informs and inspires so much of the conversation and the work and the steps and certainly that is a community from which we can learn so much including including the more that we talk about God and reference God the more we talk about hem and feel the presence of Hashem the more faith that we will feel with Hashem couple quick emails and then we'll get to one powerful dear go 36 days until we're supposed to fly to visit my in-laws in Canada for am as you know Allah is the only carrier that has been flying through the war without interruption since the flights with all were out of price range we booked with another European carrier the other day my 14-year-old came home and said Mommy I heard they might be starting a war in the summer in the north which she implied meant there'll be no flights the whole time I've been saying to myself I don't know if the flight's going to take off but the other night the anxiety hit I just said to myself go listen to a living with Amun here first five minutes of everyone's plane stories calm me down thank you to everyone who submits great airport stories and of course every would go for all your flight stories so I don't know we seem to be obsessed or we get so many emails or I'm always traveling and coming back with those stories it's good to know that we have a support group called you know Flyers Anonymous whatever everyone who panics and gets anxious and gets worried about your flights getting canceled or delay or missing the connections then uh it's good to know that these stories actually mean something and they make a difference which is which is a wonderful thing um he there's so many D over Can't Get Enough blah blah blah I've been forwarding an episode to family and friends for months your Cadence to tone are easy to listen to and even at times when you're speaking Hebrew I can understand before you translate I started to give aor each week at my shabas table from what I picked up from this year and I believe the message I resonated with my teenage and young adult children thank you blah blah blah blah quick story I procrastinated buying a dress for an upcoming friend's daughter's wedding possibly avoiding spending the money possibly avoiding trying out a bunch of dresses in the unflattering dressing room lighting or maybe I just didn't want to deal with the mall I was looking for a modest dress for a black tie wedding and everyone said to try shopping online I said no way it's not for me it was the week before the wedding and I ran around to many stores shops and boutiques and nothing fit my needs Too Short not modest enough not dressy enough too expensive finally I had to go to the dreaded mall on the way I turned on living with amuna and realized how much perspective I get from your podcast I'm looking for the connection and everything and sharing with my children the differences between Ms and amuna I circled the parking lot searching for a spot and when I finally found one I got out of my car I was a bit anxious to start the dress search but lo and behold parked right next to mine was a white minivan with a behind the beam a car magnet staring at me there you were not me it wasn't my car but there you were I literally laughed out loud I know we live in the same town but still out of all spots that was a wink from Hashem I wound up finding a beautiful appropriate dress within my budget had a wonderful time sharing my friend Simka thank you for the perspective and all that you share so those little moments you parked in the right spot and there's that magnet and it's winking at you and that's life whether it's at the airport or cars or at the dreaded mall at least I agree with that part at the dreaded Mall it Hashem is winking to us all the time question is are we acknowledging and winking back do we feel that smile when things worked out is it amazing I'll tell you I just flew back and I went through the um I went through security at Boran and you know I'm a pretty seasoned traveler I I like to think of myself as a professional whenever I'm with a member of my family and they leave the water bottle and their carry on and we've got a away I said what is this Amateur hour what are you an amateur it's your first time traveling is water bottle Amateur hour so I'm a little bit humbled and humiliated to admit so I go through security and I'm seasoned I got my whole setup and my bags and how and through the thing and the time allotment and I'm on my way Boran you get through security you go down that ramp which is so it's not sad enough and bad enough that you're leaving Israel you're walking by all those hostage pictures and what Blends together is just a number now you're looking at every face it should take three hours to walk down that ramp should pause that each one kneel down say a to and give a kiss and think and you look at some of them and they're covered in in in writing and in messages and it's just beyond beyond heartbreaking so I make my way down that ramp and I uh and I come and you know I'm early and I'm ready and my setup and what I'll do and all of a sudden a guy comes running after me and he says rabby Goldberg I said yes he said you left your laptop at security I wanted to take it for you and give it to you but of course they wouldn't let but you got to go back and and get it said wow I wouldn't until I was sitting on my seat in the plane and opened up my briefcase to start I wouldn't have known I left it and I don't want to say the laptop is my life but there's a lot of what I do on that on that laptop so I said to him how do you how did you know that was me he said oh I I watch your shum online I thought that might be you and the second that I saw the laptop I said I gotta I gotta get it to you anyway I made my way all the way back up that ramp just to learn how out of shape I am but all the way up that ramp and then they said you can't get that security you got to go to information and then you go to information whatever it was a whole story got the laptop back no problem but felt a wink from Hashem that the timing of the airport I arrived just in time returned my rental car just in time and got on line just in time that someone who knew me would be behind me because had anything been off by a Moment had I had one more red light on the way to the airport had it taken a little bit longer at the return of the rental car had anything been off by one moment and that person not be behind me I'd still be sitting here being one of those amateurs posting anyone coming from Israel who could bring a small package right I would be one of those people figuring out how to get my laptop back from security app so the point is the the point is not all stories are at the airport but most are but the point is the point is that Hashem is winking to us in the parking lot at the mall in our own kitchen and our own home online and their own lives professionally and personally there little Winks that was his wink that I timed it all for you perfectly the red light the return of the rent of car where you fell online who'd be behind you it was all timed perfectly it was all timed perfectly so that you'd be able to get the laptop back and you know the question is there's nothing more obnox are you ever waving at someone and you're like why aren't they acknowledging I'm waving I'm waving I'm winking I'm smiling why are they looking right back past me and ignoring me you know what that's called it's cruel the Raam rights the Raam rights that a person who lives their life with a sense of Kerry mikra person who lives their life he writes it in the laws of fast days that why do we fast because of calamities of our past and we acknowledge that nothing that ever happened is a coincidence or random everything was designed and orchestrated from above and we therefore fast or take seriously or we work on ourselves or we improve and if a person ignores and dismisses and you live a life like aik who aik's entire philosophy aik's whole attitude is that everything's coincidence and random and chance then the ra writes that's Aus it's cruelty and you can't help but wonder why is that midus it's it's you're wrong it's it's erroneous you're confused it's all from above it's not random it's not chance you're wrong you're ignorant but why is it cruel why is it cruel so my brother-in-law Joseph who spoke at AR many years ago mine personally which now is several years ago he suggested and then he related to marriage but he suggested because if someone's calling you if someone's speaking to you if someone's trying to communicate to you and you ignore them and you dismiss them and you reject them it's cruel it's Beyond unkind it's downright cruel so Hashem is speaking to us through nature through history he's speaking to us through his Providence he's speaking to us to the way our lives unfold he's winking he's smiling and when you don't smile back or wink back when you don't acknowledge I got it I got it by the way in both directions I got it that it's from you and everything worked out well and wonderful and isn't it fantastic and I got my laptop and all is well and good wonderful thank you for the wink and it's also to acknowledge I got it there's a message something happened that I don't want that I don't prefer that I don't like and I wish we're different and I don't know why and I'm not going to try to play God but I am going to understand that it wasn't random or chance and how can I improve and how can I grow and how can I be different and what can I do with this to be a better person to help others then you're also acknowledging so for the good and for the bad to say I know you're talking to me got it duly noted Point acknowledged understand to not to look past God random chance coin oh what a coincidence that guy knew me and he got what a chance want hear a coincidence it's not a coincidence Amun amuna in every direction hasem is winking from us next we're gonna get to the learning in a moment but just it's what happens when we took a week off the pile up of emails I'm not even gonna get to all of themom well I continue look forward to your weekly amuna class blah blah blah I want to share a strong amuna moment with you that happened to my family recently we were in uman for sh it was a magical experience uman uman Ukraine for sh home of RAB AB the plan was that on Friday after the holiday we'd go to visit RAB Nan's Kev the primary student of R of bre was RAB Nan it's in bre we ended up heading out late in the morning and ways told us it would be a three and a half hour drive I was feeling anxious about the late hour our very limited stash of snacks and traveling on Friday but my husband really wanted to go all good amuna stories where something's going to go really bad include but my husband want but my husband really wanted to go so I decided the right thing to do would be to respect his decision support him long story short turns out ways in Google maps are a tad confused on that side of the world we were already in breast Len only 15 minutes away from the cemetery when ways instructs us to take a right turn onto a dirt path we wouldn't dare question ways so we did as we were told assuming ways knows how to do its job Ukrainian roads aren't great at the best of times so we really didn't think much about it we figured this route was exceptionally muddy and Rocky but all would be well soon enough we realized we had made a grave mistake the path narrowed took a sharp drop and disappeared all too quickly by the time my husband hopped we were headed for a dead end it was much too late he tried to turn around but ended up just getting even more stuck the car was sloshing about in Uzi mud and there was no way out one wheel was a meter high in the air the car was sideways you had to hold on to your seat not to slide downwards it was raining hard our Provisions had long run out my phone was almost dead kids were restless we were low on gas shabas was in a few hours and the people in the area couldn't care less about us I was low-key freaking out that's a great expression low-key freaking out and yes only lowkey because the Mantra that popped up in my head and I kept muttering to myself throughout this whole experience was a yid is never stuck that was a couple weeks ago remember we talked about the message ofba as your is coming up a yid is never stuck we are white where we're meant to be ironically we were pretty dang stuck but it resonated so deeply with me right then I repeated it over and over again quite loud to my husband to the kids and even to a couple of stranded chickens that passed us by once we got the kids out of the car the initial shock of the gravity of the situation wore off I truly felt so calm reassured and content with knowing I was exactly where I needed to be in that moment I didn't understand why it was happening I definitely didn't want to be in that situation but Hashem purposely chose for me to be right there right then and I knew with amuna that he had things in control I just had to trust chill out and do whatever I could to help the situation it was a long ORD deal there were moments of ups and downs throughout it all but with hashem's help I was able to focus on the knowledge that re Shalom loves and cares for me more than I could imagine and just need to go along for the ride this Clarity enabled me to stay far from any blame resentment stress impatience panic and undignified behavior I was so grateful to have the class's weekly reminder and reinforce this truth constant Amun needs constant work as he always remind us the ending of the story is less than the amuna moment itself that being said I can say that gratefully we survived to tell the tale and even got back to uman in time for chabas with 10 minutes to spare feeling so blessed to have this awareness with whom to share a story with thank you for all that you do and here is the car stuck in the mud in uman but they got out and they made their way back okay one more story and then we will learn back of mos Shapiro alen One More Story because I met this young man actually on this trip and he sent me this email that he had written long ago but sat in his draft and didn't send it until now to Rabbi Gober good morning I'm writing to you to express appreciation the and my love but a relatively recent story that happened to me it's a long but it's a good one earlier this year I was on top of the world I was about to get married I was about about to commit to go through all of life all the highs and lows with this person I was about to commit to a life of accepting everything about the other a life of giving and cherishing the other in another words a married life after over a thousand hours of waiting on the edge of my seat till the special day my wedding day I was so excited and thrilled and ecstatic that I already packed my bags one week before my wedding and planned out every minute of where I'll be on my wedding day making sure to utilize every moment of such an auspicious and meaningful day then after basking on the emotion that cloud nine has to offer after tasting the eyes of deciding not to of deciding to commit to one another after such a long journey around three months smiley face it all came to an end not with a wedding with two phone calls a meeting and a text goodbye I couldn't believe it I just turned into someone with a broken engagement one second I was asking friends to speak at my of and the next I was waking up lost lonely rejected abandon humiliated I was conscious and cognizant of all of those feelings what I did next is only from hem a gift from him that I know could only be achieved with his help I took a mental step back and smiled I smiled at what an amazing family I have what incredible friends I have how good Hashem has been to me every second of my life Hashem has showered me with so much good he has taken care of me in such a special way at every Junction of my life that I choose to see my broken engagement not as a loss or something to get depressed about but as a continuation of all of his endless love and care for me not as another sad statistic to today's Young Generation but an opportunity from Hashem to grow become even closer to him than I've ever been it may sound shocking that I feel this way I shocked myself but I want to share my journey of how I reached such a potent powerful mindset and how I learned to think better than I feel I would wake up early caffeinate with cavana sit on my couch and feel all that pain I forced myself to think of all those hurt feelings every interaction every negative feeling I had I dug for every ounce of negativity I had in me pulling it all into my Consciousness I accepted it all leaned in into it all embraced it all and said yes it hurts and yes it's insanely painful but every ounce of pain I feel every single ounce is exactly calculated by my creator with a master plan I can barely understand the amuna that I used literally saved my life because I could have been down and broken and heard some people don't get out of bed for weeks when they're in a similar situation and I definitely felt like doing that but amuna created a beautiful air to breathe that tasted like nothing is random nothing is chance but instead everything is exactly calculated by someone his more love for me and care for me than I could comprehend my whole broken engagement could become an expression and a demonstration of Hashem protecting me and saving me from something that could have been so wrong and disastrous for me what an act of Love Hashem has showed me at the last second that I could feel like I'm the luckiest man if I want to that's exactly what I chose to do feel calm relaxed and positive through it all now the story is a catch my mother advised me to wait to write this because she said the story will be so much better when you find the right one and there's a ending I told her mom you're definitely right but even though I don't see the ending I know it will be good one million times better because all I've tasted is Hashem taking such good care of me and I can't help but think how good it will be yes my mother's back to sifting through the resumes and a very small part of me is wondering if I'll ever get married but I just feel that pretty soon I'll find the right one and be so happy and thrilled that I'll be looking back laughing and saying to myself if only I had full Amun in hasem I could have shown him how I'm always trusting in Him always believing in him plan not mine if only I showed him just how committed I am to him it was an opportunity that was so unique that's exactly I was thinking in those painful times the difficulty is such an opportunity because it won't last forever and now's my chance to double down in my efforts to show Hashem I'm there with you with all my heart no matter what storm you'll put me through now this is love this is what I was so excited to show that person and this is what I'm so excited to share with an even better person Hashem has hand selected for me don't you agree to write this even when things could look Bleak stay happy stay healthy till next time keep the shum coming they're great so yeah anyway it sat in his draft as an inbox he sent it to me he is now bar happily married and living in and I met him but that's not when he wrote it he wrote it with all those feelings and all that experience when he was going through that hard time really amazing I'm grateful to him to all those whose emails I read today to all those who sent emails but we didn't get to them today pleas keep sending them selfishly send them because they Inspire motivate me and you see that everyone's email includes thank you to the previous emails that got me through what every difficult moment I was in from getting stuck in the mud to fear of a flight getting cancelled to a loss of a laptop to a broken engagement and wondering if you'll ever get remarried but how brilliant an Insight was it that I know one day I'll find the right one I'll look back and understand this was all for the best and I'll have squandered the opportunity to have grown in that time by being so bitter and resentful and angry and sad instead of using it so instead of fast forwarding to when I'll be regretful retroactively why not live right now and take advantage of the moment and see it as an opportunity to lean in to grow so powerful such a special young man it was wonderful to meet him and I'm grateful he took the time we're on page giml re of Shapiro of the ra we've been making our way through his chapter called EMS the difference between EMS andun Ms is the objective knowledge the truth of hashem's existence that doesn't need you the fact that Hashem exists doesn't care about your feelings about him EMS doesn't need your amuna a truth it's a fact it's axiological it's ontological it's every other fancy word you know and it doesn't need you amuna is are you faithful to that truth of Ms and that's the test of amuna Ms is a truth is a fact but are we faithful to that fact do we demonstrate do we live do we perform do we breathe do we lean in in those moments do we look at my opportunities this is an opportunity I could yell at my husband who wanted to go to breast of a three and a half hour drive in a backwards country in the middle of a war with a app that may not work or I could say this is where I'm meant to be and it'll all work out each of these crises are really opportunities they're really invitations to lean into that relationship of Amun and to say I'm not happy and I don't I don't know how it will turn out but it's an opportunity to come closer to you and to be better and to grow and to learn about myself so amuna is are we faithful to the truth of that of that Ms then we spoke about aain I don't know if everybody did their homework I've been working on it and I'm proud of my children who've been working on it and helping me we help one another to make bras out loud so people can answer I am faithful I believe ditto to the you just said whatever it is amain I believe I believe I'm in I see him I feel him I surrender to him I'm in I'm in I'm all part we're all part of the recovery World we're all recovering and growing we're all surrendering to a higher power we're all trying to recognize that we can't do it without him and aain is throughout the day we make a br 100 times a day we answer other people's bras 100 times a day 100 times a day I say I'm in I surrender to you higher power I accept you I believe you I can't do it without you I'm in I see you feel you I love you so to answer and that's how we open the gate to G the way that you open which is normally locked the way that we open the gate to see the Garden of Eden that we all want to be who doesn't want to be sitting under a palm tree sipping a most people picture Gan and they're picturing Bon not not in the summer not in the summer in the winter in the winter but in the summer it's more like the opposite it's a little it's hot it's a little warm a little bit warm but in the winter ganen who does so we all want to be sitting under a palm tree sipping a pina colada basking in the light and the radiance of hasem we want ganen how do you get a glimpse how do you open the window how do you open the gate when we invoke when we live so because it's gone Aiden to be stuck in the mud in breast and be calm that's gone Aiden and it's gone Aiden to be in the airport and say Hashem you just winked at me and I got my laptop back and thank you and it's G aen have a broken engagement instead of wallow and sit in bed to say I'm gonna lean into this pain I'm gonna experience it I'm gonna cry and grieve and mourn with it but also recognize it's from you because you've got a bigger plan in store from me that's a taste of Gan aen it's a taste of Gan aen so to live a life with thatuna is not willful ignorance and it's not the opiate of the masses to live a life of amuna is to taste ganeden the Garden of Eden it's a beautiful Pleasant harmonious life it's a life of emotional physical mental health and well-being and it's something that will improve all of our Lives I don't know anyone who says I tried this I worked on this I liveed this everybody says all these emails and those who don't for every email hopefully there are many who aren't writing I run into people all the time who go you know I have a a story I really should write I say write it send it but everybody's living with the that's also the Beautiful the family WhatsApp group I love the message on our family WhatsApp group at Boran airport with the laptop story because you're you're looking for the stories you're looking for the wink and the smile from above you're looking to feel his presence in our life to speak about and to talk about and to feel his presence and it's a beautiful life it's a beautiful life it makes life an adventure and it's not all well and good and honky Dory and doesn't all have a happy end but even when it doesn't now there are the tools and the strength and the resilience to be able to go through listen to today's behind the Bea tonight coming out in Israel I sat with the Zimbalist whose son Eli mosha was killed in Gaza three weeks ago they had just gotten up from Shiva the loss of their precious Soldier son an incredible young man and we spoke about it I asked them do you regret making Aliyah now that you've paid the price with this loss and what's your relationship like with Hashem that he snatched from you someone so precious Irreplaceable listen to that amuna listen to that resilience listen to that strength they don't smile and say well everything's from hasem and it's for the best and he's got a plan and everything's great it stinks and it's horrible and I'm crying and I'm grieving and I'm mourning and there's forever whole in my heart but now I don't regret and yes I feel his presence and there is a master plan it gives us the tools and the strength and the Comfort to be able to endure and to be able to get through what we need to z letter Zion the bottom of the page opposite the reward for so if living withun if opens the gate to ganen then living without amuna living a life of arrogance and ego we've shared again from the recovery word it's not mine ego is an acronym for edging God out when you live with your amuna edging God out there's no room for God in you the world doesn't have enough space for both if it's all about you and your ego what do you mean this is not the way I planned it it's not the way I drew it up it's not how I want you to behave it's not what I want to have happen it's all about me and my arrogance and my ego and what I want what I need what I expect and what I demand what I'm entitled to when we live with sense of ego we fly off the handle we get angry we're speaking about that earlier this morning in Ouran our 10 minutes of meaning when we indulge that anger when we live with rage rage is Latin rabies it's Madness and we self-destruct and self- sabotage because our ego or arrogance we're edging God out and every time we're tempted to get angry angry angry at security what do you mean I'm back here I left it a minute ago why can't I just get it what do you mean I have to go to information about to get it no okay no problem that's the next stop in the adventure that's the next stop on the roller coaster no problem I'm not stuck I'll just go where I meant to be to find out if I'm going to get it back right then because that information they're like I called they're checking if they have a what do you mean they're checking if they have a laptop I just left it in the bin like 90 seconds ago they have no problem no Pro I'm not angry no ego when you ego Edge got out and when you invite God in then there no ego there's okay what's your plan what's your plan is the car going to get out of the mud what's your plan how how is this adventure going to end what happens next so we talked about the positive when you live with them when you open the world of ganeden O what a life but when you don't live with thatuna when there's ego and arrogance when you get angry and envious when you have an inflated sense of self when you edge got out then you've slammed the door of ganen shut and you know what you have instead the gamar says when you live with arrogance then you are living in a state of Hell Gam whereas my kids would say h e double hockey sticks h e l because you're not supposed to say the word but it's okay to say the word because it's the translation of the word geham so a person who's living in a state of arrogance puts themselves in a self-imposed hell ganam you know why because when someone flies off the handle with rage and anger when someone's melting down everybody's like I don't know him I'm not related to to them I want nothing to do with them business deals fall apart family relationships are broken and severed a person's not at peace with thems person's health deteriorates anger indulging anger indulging arrogance is self-destructive and as we mentioned it doesn't say yish then you will be in a state of geham of hell it says shelbo you are in a self-imposed state of hell that's where one is so those are the two choices a life of Amun huh humble modest Hashem you're in charge you're in control I Surrender it's all about you it's advancing your name your mission why am I here what am I meant to do let's go let's do this I'm on a ride of your adventure or it's ego I'm in control I'm entitled I'm in charge I get all the credit it's all about me everything and everyone has to step in line the way I want then you put yourself in a state of geham state of what is the gar says there's a problem when do negative things happen when do we forfeit Rich rewards that we could have when a person indulges the katus what is the word katus smallness smallness diminishment and what's the smallness of diminishment in the failure and breakdown of faithfulness to Hashem when we in that moment thought Oh I thought I was in charge I thought it was going to go the way I want I thought I'm in control I thought it's all about me when that moment where we edged God out that was a moment of smallness we were our small Petty childlike narcissistic egotistical sense of selves writes in that world of Truth in that future world in that world of Truth in the we only receive from According to the vessel that we are to receive it if I say to you I have a billion dollars I want to transfer to you you are the lucky winner you woke up this morning and I want to transfer a billion dollars could you give me the wiring instructions and you say I don't have an account you say well I want I want to give you a billion dollars but I don't I don't have an account so okay even though I have it designated and ready for you I have I have so much light and so much reward and so much goodness and so much blessing but if you don't have a clay a clay CL if you don't have a vessel to receive it you can't get it you can't get it so I got all the money but you don't have an account you don't have any way for me to wire or transfer it you don't have any way for me to give it to you then you can't get it in the world to come hasem says I have so much blessing so much light so much reward so much goodness I have so much to give you but you know how much your account has capacity how much storage you have is determined by the choices you make in this world everyone fights with storage right on your phone on your laptop in your Gmail on your everyone's always fighting with storage okay you gonna give in and now go up to the gigabyte now go up to the terabyte now go up to the everyone's always like debating am I really going to pay that and then you're like what do you mean this is like the greatest this is the greatest deal in the world how little you're paying for actually whatever that's all separate Story how entitled we feel about all of this but but storage right because we're wrestling with storage but if you don't have storage you can't get you could get the most beautiful amuna emails if you ran out of storage you can't get them you can't get them you could get the most beautiful love letters you could get the most beautiful messages from your children you can get the most credible things if you don't have storage you could have the most beautiful pictures and videos of your family if you ran out of storage there's nowhere to put them they can't receive them how do we create the storage so that when we get upstairs Hashem has I have terabytes and terabytes and terabytes of blessing to give you and you say but I was cheap I bought the model with the least storage I took the free Gmail I didn't want to pay anything Hashem says okay I guess you don't get it I guess I'll give it to someone else or I guess it just sits there and you say oh my goodness I can't believe it why didn't I just pay for this storage I can't believe what I'm missing out on but you can't go back and pay for storage once you're upstairs you can only pay for storage in this world and once you get to the next World whatever storage you chose in this world is the room that you have to receive whatever blessing he's going to give you so that changes everything right now you're like where where do I go sign up I'll sell my kidney to have enough money to get the storage right now because I can live without a kidney for the next few years if for eternity I could have unlimited storage to receive all that blessing so that's exactly how we live we have to be a clay that's the life in this world how do I transform myself and mold myself and live a life that I a clay keable how can I become a vessel to receive how can I live a life that I have the highest level unlimited story so that when Hashem when I meet my maker my Creator and he says I have so much blessing so much reward so much light I want to give you we don't say actually I'm out a room how do we live that life here and now it's hard because we're competing there's so many distractions and temptations and indulgences and impulses it's hard it's hard takes the discipline what does it mean that the they're going to waste and squander their table it means that the Shea the flow of blessing Hashem has is more than what the table can hold right because kazal didn't talk in terabytes and gigabytes in storage they spoke in I have such an incredible Buffet of food I want to give you the schorg but you only have a little folding table so there's nowhere to put it so I'm here to drop off this Unlimited Buffet but all you have is a little folding all you have is a little TV tray so all I can put down are the peas and carrots because that's the poor choice the notion of bisb is to squander to waste because what do I do with the food delivery the guy says I have a truck unlimited food but you have nowhere to put it so what a waste what a bisbo squander and what a waste what a was we've squandered we've wasted all of the Plenty that could have been and all we have left and all we're holding on to is such a small amount that should be the metaphor that should be our mentality that should be our perspective that should drive how we live and that should drive the decisions that we're making in this world how do we choose and live a life that we are that vessel now the imagery and the metaphor is so powerful and beautiful because what we're meant to understand is not you know Hashem has reward for US based what we earn no Hashem has so much love and so much to give but you've got to be a vessel to be able to receive it to be able to receive it and if not it will be squandered it will be squandered and what leads to that what leads to having only a little TV table and and and wasting and squandering that Mass delivery what Wast to what leads to having such small storage going cheap and having so little room and therefore not being able to hold that so said because the smallness the diminishment small small I just got angry at you in the moment that you made us drive to breast and now the rest of our trip and the rest of our Yanti we're in a fight we're not talking there's friction there's misery my blood pressure is high I have heartache and our kids saw it and watched it and that's how they think married goes and that's catness I indulged a moment of smallness I was small by the way I'm not suggesting that in marriage you don't have to actually talk things out and reconcile there are legitimate differences and one has to communicate and maybe you think that wasn't the best choice and how can we talk about that not happening again I'm not saying brush everything under the carpet amuna solves all I don't believe in that I believe in marriage counseling I believe in taking marriages from good to great I don't believe that amuna are the only answer certainly to clinical depression or mental health challenges just have faith in it's all good I believe when necessary medication I believe certainly in support therapeutic support 100% it's necessary there's no shame absolutely see my article I just wrote this week about PTSD and the soldier I visited in the psych W of of T sh Hospital the inv invisible wounds and injuries that right now are all over Israel and that we can help by packing a duffel but we'll need our support as much or more than any other I believe in it I believe in it I'm not suggesting amuna to the alternative of it at all all at all but what I'm saying is so much of the self destruction and self-sabotage so much of the misery and pain so much of the suffering that we go through is the result of catness of our own smallness our small-mindedness and our smallness and our catness our catness don't indulge that child don't be a impetuous child don't be an immature child don't be a cutan we're bigger than that we can see more broadly than that we're living with a vision we have amuna glasses to put on don't be small on the here and now don't be Petty don't indulge ego be big be a big person be huge be big see Hashem everywhere and therefore steady Eddie come cool and collect on the adventure with the plan what do we have next what do I need to do now do I need to communicate calmly and work out this relationship do I need to go get help and support in order to be my best self but always calm cool collect be my biggest self my best self be huge don't be small we get into these problems when we indulge that impetuous child in us the cutness in us the smallness in us when we're small it's all everything is what I see in the Here and Now what's right immediately in front of me what's this moment that's the smallness in me you could be a sadic but still sometimes indulging that smallness that immaturity that lack of sophistication that here and now be big be huge the more we grow in the bigger a vessel we are to receive the greatest BR hasem says I have so much BR what's your bank account I want to transfer billions and trillions of BR to you but you got to have a bank account and your bank account has to have capacity and storage what's your what's your email I have so much I want to blessing I want to send you that I want to airdrop to you I can't I'm out of storage the way we expand and grow our storage is a is AA and this is what the don't waste and don't squander don't leave on the table you know for a Jew there's nothing worse than the feeling I left money on the table I left the leftovers they threw them out it's like the worst punishment for a Jew throwing out the leftovers it's like the worst punishment in the world we pack up the leftover bread that we didn't eat from the you know like what do you mean we squandered what do you mean we wasted what do you mean we didn't take advantage it's the worst it's the worst left money in the table I could have invested and had a return I could have held on a little bit longer I could have stayed and I could have had that opportunity so there's so much Chef has in store but we have to do our part to be the clay we have to turn ourselves into that vessel to be able to receive and when we become the vessel with the storage to receive we'll find him transferring all kind of that we never ever even imagined so it should be a good day please God B let us hear good news miraculous news the hostages come home let our soldiers return to their families let all of ouros be for good collectively individually and personally and have a meaningful day