Living With Emunah (Part 277) - Loving All

good morning welcome back to living with emuna as always a big thank you to our generous series sponsors Dr zavian Bella Morgan and memory over by Dr Brian galbot zerotide is coming up next week and in memory of Bella's mother Dr Ellen shanzer we remain very grateful to the Morgans for their generosity also this morning is sponsored the cupboard in memory of Dr Jacob Miller who exemplified a mama that lived with Symphony by David zwick in honor of the BRS Community for the continued by Sarah Margo he's a member of a dear father mayor Ben C is your child is the fourth of Av and in honor of this year which has been part of the reform that came before the Maca in their lives it was equipping the language needed to support a full slame of their grandson tinug Ben Eliza Leia and by Carol Walters so thank you to all of our generous sponsors this morning I want to learn something I actually posted the text in the emuna WhatsApp group uh it does not appear in English that I know of and it's available here there are more copies of anyone who is alive in the room would like to learn it please help yourself to some coffee but before we dive back into the text which really is very related to the email I want to share with you this morning I get so many emails Hashem and keep them coming I keep them all I read them all many most I'm able to read in the shoe itself but every one of them touched me deeply and inspire me very deeply so when you have those I'm in the stories please continue to send them so we've been talking all about amuna being The Elixir ramuna being the medicine and Muna being what gives us the strength to be able to navigate the challenges and the complications of Our Lives when life doesn't uh flow the way that we necessarily want when we encounter Challenge and hardship and struggle be it from people be it from illness be it from Simply being alive and the world around us reaction to be able to take that deep breath to be able to pause to be able to Center and ground ourselves to be able to understand and interpret what is happening around us through the premius of it the depth of it not simply in the super superficial way is what can give us a healthier and a happier and a much much more meaningful life and in that context we spoke about channeling even when we feel anger disappointment in others to not get angry at others and channeling the anger in Hashem that sometimes life the world is throwing us a curveball which is difficult painful and we feel where are you and who are you and why don't you love me and to use that anger to lean in we ended last week with the wonderful metaphor that somebody had told me a nurse the image of the father holding down the child who was getting the shot and in one moment the baby's screaming the child is screaming and crying tati Abba daddy let me go help me and a moment later when he releases her because the shot was successful the baby the child runs into the father's arms the very father that seemingly was holding the baby down a moment ago was an accomplice to what felt like torture a moment later is running into the father's arms and that's us what sometimes feels like torture in our lives to realize and recognize that he's our father if we feel like we're being held down if we feel like he's an accomplice to those who want to cause us pain even when we don't understand it even when we are in the throes of it it's all because he loves us and that the strength we can get is to afterwards or even in it run into his arms but anyway I got my moon a letter that says the following Dear by Goldberg I was going to write you I'm going to let it last week I have a daughter getting married it's been an emotional rollercoaster ride bumps along the road still getting bumps in the road I raise my children this way but my daughter is engaged that way without leaving out the details um as you often say a moon is easy when things are going well but when you run into difficulty that's when we need to use our immuno muscle this has been an evolving situation that went South very fast I started out last Thursday morning when I suggested a certain Rabbi from the shul who I know of through a friend my daughter asked me to find out about it later that afternoon she said someone was helping her find a rabbi and basically to back off my words right to Mother by the end of the day when my friend contacted me the rabbis available my daughter no longer wanted my involvement during the day I found names of a lot of rabbis based on recommendations from people all of my efforts she took me out of the equation for no apparent reason Friday afternoon she sent me a text saying I think I found a rabbi to my disappointment she told me she found somebody in a rabbinical program again leaving out the details leave out the money the cost of the rabbi the cost of the wedding she spoke with such harshness I was shaking after I hung up I was in tears I agreed with the message and I knew it was from Hashem but I did not appreciate the way the message was delivered it happened to be and how many times have we now heard this and read this it happens to be that I found you on Spotify months ago and I've been listening to the ammunition nearly everywhere every week today Wednesday afternoon when I turned on my Spotify before getting in the car I was listening in the car I saw the amunisher lit up in blue meaning I had a new I'm going to Shear which is usually posted on Thursdays I've been through a really rough night with Mach Locus on both ends and I really needed some serious khizak when I saw you at anushir I said yeah looking forward to the class I heard your first email about another person's random share from pesach time but a person who reacted to the writer in an angry way he thanked you for validating me angry at a time for difficult situations and spoke about getting closer to Hashem this way his letter helped me at the exact time I needed encouragement his twofold idea about being angry at Hashem like why is this happening and then recognizing another person getting angry is just hashem's way of giving a message even if we don't appreciate the messenger and the way it was delivered so yet again somebody who turns on Spotify and the shirt came up exactly when they needed and I had read an email which when they turned on this year was exactly the email that they needed to hear had nothing to do with me an email from another person so instead of Leaning into their anger instead of mahalokus escalating with their daughter instead of friction and tension which would have been difficult to recover from and to repair deep breath a Muna remembering we're not in charge we're not in control and we simply need to surrender and submit to the ribono shalolum news flash I stopped in the middle of writing to my dinner less than an hour later my daughter called to say she found a different Rabbi maybe how upset we were like you said we can only see Hashem in retrospect I believe Hashem was sending me a message as much as I hit conflict I had to find the cards within me to stand up for what I believe it's not over till it's over but Amir Hashem I think we're going to be okay so this one was an interrupted email where it turns out by the time the author got back to the keyboard things had worked out for with Hashem he gave me the exact physic I needed just hours before my own positive outcome wow thank you so much Hashem incredible and we continue to thank Hashem one more email and then we'll dive into this text which is connected to this idea as well blah blah I could write thousand emails to you of random events that have happened or acts of classical experience over the last few years I want to share with you the most Salient impact of your serum three classes helped me the most the one titled Movado the one on kalev and the maraglam and the one in which you tell us it's okay to push back with that show when times are tough I would say the most feedback I get is giving people license and making it giving permission to struggle with Hashem again you gotta fall into his arms afterwards you have to have him hold you you have to surrender and allow him to protect you but to say let me go why are you holding me down to feel I wish things were different is permissible I don't think I read this one yet if I did please stop me I don't think I did six months ago I found out I had breast cancer over the last few months I felt a little control waiting for biopsies results and decisions challenges is frightening despite challenging test results doc told me I could skip chemotherapy go straight to radiation I was happy to see a clear path forward I think I did read this one no no one remembers I should read it again I was happy to see a club path Forward Air of Shabbos my oncologist called Tommy my medical team cancel my upcoming radiation treatment decides to do one more biopsy biopsy results will determine if the cancer hospital is spread further then realizing whether or not I would need more surgery and chemo this event was a great blow to me I felt the carpet had been pulled out from under my feet I was devastated in emotional and spiritual pain I've been so upbeat positive and trusting in Hashem and now how could he do this he did exactly what you permitted I did exactly what you permitted me to do I had a heart-to-heart conversation with him I cried and cried tears at Fila I ended recognizing he's in charge I was trusting to take care of me everything was going to go through was for my own benefit one of the things that I realized for my doctors that reports and the statistics I found were the merogram in my life like Google morago in my life I cried when I listened to the description of college saying don't fall for what ifs we live beyond all predictions I had to consciously decide every day and every moment to ignore my miraglam and Trust place my trust only in Hashem in writing this email I make it seem easy but it was one of the most difficult and challenging times I worked in my trust one day at a time and sometimes one minute at a time every day I felt I was jumping out of an airplane trusting my parachute would open you tell us that a moon of stars that happy endings are not what we base our moon upon and what we learn more from stories in which people do not have a clear-cut answer I want to share another perspective all emuna stories are happy endings growing emuna is the Happy Ending full stop I love that I don't think I read this if I did it's worth reading again I want to read that again you tell us that a moon of stories with happy endings are not what we base our moon upon and that we learn more from the stories in which people do not have clear-cut answers I want to share another perspective all emuna stories are happy endings growing and Muna is the Happy Ending full stop we may only sometimes get what we want we go through challenges we don't want if we grow we have created a happy ending in one area we exert control increasing my trust on Hashem from this ordeal has given me great happiness and has changed me wow so in other words when it feels like we forfeited so much control when things are happening around us and to us in which we feel I no longer have control there is one thing we still have control of and that is how we feel how we react how we respond how we relate and whether we lean in with emuna whether we fall into the arms of Hashem and if we take advantage of the one thing that we still can control and we grow in that closeness that connections connection we surrender we submit to him then by definition no matter what the rest of the ending every amuna story does have a good ending because it ends with greater emuna I want to end with I avoided chemotherapy again I started radiation I'm hoping and I know I must take it one step at a time and keep developing my trust and ability to communicate with Hashem when Ella comes around we remind the tube as possible if we start the process open our hearts the size of a needle Hashem enable the whole to expand large enough for a chariot to pass through I Now understand this is the same with emuna if you want it Hashem will send the Chariot so send you your random podcast memes and coincidences but give you the strength to overcome even the most difficult challenges thank you for helping me along the way hope Hashem blesses you blah blah blah blah good job amazing email thank you so much I have more that I'm not going to get to for now with the amazing poem that I told you about I would get to this time but I'm still not getting to for now let's see if we come back to let's look at the text in front of you text in front of you comments Morgenstern we've learned much of his many of his farm we took a break we're coming back to him at least for today because this is in his safer on the bed I'm sorry about the three weeks the nine days that begin today today's and Tish above but I want to take a different spin on this time and if you're listening to this or you're tuning in not during the three weeks nine days or Tish above nevertheless the message the lesson remains incredibly relevant whenever you listening so looking inside you know the second base was destroyed what was the cause as I'll tell us in a baseless hatred we dispavished we marginalized we criticize we condemned we judged others Barclays said those on my children what are you doing you can't get along I don't want to live with you you know in the kids are fighting and bickering and the parent says I'm out I'm done did I ever tell you my favorite story I have a friend who drove his children his wife was away on business and he took his kids for a couple days to Disney and they were fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting along the way so he said to them he said as they were getting close to Orlando if you fight one more time this is it I've had it I'm done one more fight I'm turning around we're done we're going home they get to Disney he pays for parking he pulls in the lot and as he's pulling into the spot yet another fight breaks out in the back of the minivan he takes the car out of without having turned it off at a park into reverse turns it around takes him home to Boca that was it I'm sure the next time he said they listened that was a type of parenting which is a lost art that's a type of parenting which now children would write a book make a lawsuit go to therapy father would be on the defensive he'd be accused and called all kinds of names they'd become influencer by streaming live about their terrible father in the front seat from the back seat on the way home that's a lost art of parenting that I'm sure positively impacted those those children so why'd the father do that and we've been there maybe not the cars to turn the car around you could debate he did the right thing or not but he's my hero and uh and why did the father do that because we've all been there we've all been there we say to our children I love you I'm spoiling you I'm taking care of you I'm treating you I'm indulging you and you can't get along the one thing I'm asking you on the way to the vacation during the vacation after the vacation just get along don't write me thank you notes you don't get me a gift you don't have to get me a souvenir you don't have to make a booklet you don't have to make a video star all I want you to do is get along that's it just get along and I'll continue to spoil you rotten I continue to indulge you and take you away all I'm asking is you get along looked down and he said have a basement and I spoil you rotten and I indulge you and I live among you and you feel my presence I know I'm asking is just you get along the Shabbos meal this young Tiff this vacation just just get along I can't take it anymore all you do is scream and yell and vicar and judge and marginalize and criticize just get along send us clean them was destroyed he withdrew he said I don't want to be with any of you you want to kill each other because I'm out I'm done I'm turning around I'm finished Virginia news why are we talking about this during the ammunition this is a tissue above message then asking of blood every Jew we wrote about this week you'll see it about saying hello to every Jew if I'm Tish above you're not allowed to greet others it's also unprohibited we need to know what it feels like to be isolated and excommunicated and alone these nine days all we should do is say hello when the shear is over find someone you never met and walk over and say hello let's have some coffee in the back of the room tell me about you when did you move here are you visiting all we do for these nine days eight days up to tissue above tissue you're not allowed to all we should do a friend Rabbi Leo D told me yesterday that is this campaign these eight days eight he says iron Testament eight he's eight not nine days because this above you're not allowed to greet these Eight Days a campaign Greek Greek greed say no Lobby warm more and more avastinum just love love what does that have to do with that Muna why are we talking about this in the amuna shear why is this relevant even if you are listening right now in the middle of Hanukkah because if there is reveals about you if you could speak negatively about another Jew if you could injure or harm another Jew if you could gossip about another Jew if you could judge critically another Jew you know what it says about you not just that you're mean not just that you're a jerk not just that you're nasty you know what it says about you that you lack amuna that you're struggling and you have a problem in your relationship with Hashem it means that you are struggling you lack faith in Hashem you're unable to surrender to him you don't see him clearly in your life and that he controls everything and runs the world because when you have a real belief in the almighty Asylum if you love your parents if you really love your parents and you value your parents and you're grateful to your parents then you love your siblings then you love your siblings it's that simple you find a way to get along why are you getting along because your parents because you have the same DNA you have the same background you have the same history of the shared Destiny doesn't mean that you have to vote for the same candidate in the next election doesn't mean that you have to have the same approach to policies it doesn't mean that you have to send your kids to the same school doesn't mean you have to observe the same way it doesn't mean that you have to be happy with each other's decisions I'm not saying that you should love siblings and therefore love unconditionally that you go to Every simcha even when it's not technically a simha because it's a great source of pain and disappointment I'm not saying that there aren't challenges of things that we disagree on that we have to navigate but can we do it with love can we find Common Ground can we identify with what we connect with rather than what divides us if you love your parent then there's no room for envy and jealousy and anger Volusia you're so committed Beyond everything else to peace and love and commonality and unity that you say will navigate these differences we're not going to sweep them under the carpet we're not going to ignore them we're not going to pretend that they're not here but we'll find a way to navigate them nonetheless that is the promise of the eschatological era which is a very fancy way I hope I've impressed you with my Latin a very fancy way of saying You must what does it mean it means that we know Nations will lie down there lay down their weapons the animals will cuddle with one another instead of tearing each other apart and we will live with peace and Harmony and how is that going to happen how will Nations find why will they lay down their weapons how will animes not animals not rip each other apart why will we be able to get along because the almighty will be revealed he'll be undeniable there'll be an absolute Clarity that there is a Creator a higher power a source of all and that everything that happens to us is by Design so when we see that and when we live with that we're not going to fight there won't be tension we're not going to criticize we're not going to judge we're not going to have conflict if you really live with this Consciousness if you really live with this mindfulness if you really live with this awareness and this presence of Hashem in life then you're not going to lash out you're not going to react nastily you're not going to get revenge you're not going to judge others you're not going to live with all of those behaviors that are the source of cines because whatever happened this friend forgot to invite me this friend didn't get back to the text I wrote this friend whatever it is that happened it couldn't have happened Allah was all right with it unless he willed it unless he allowed it so therefore what am I meant to take from it is maybe I'm not as close with a friend as I thought maybe I learned a lot about the friend maybe but I should stop focusing on the friends as much as I focus on there was a lesson you're meant for me the zellatova mama if that happens then you're not going to lash out you're not going to you're not going to be harsh it's possible that somebody I'm related to through marriage was delaying us from getting somewhere and I was not reacting like the person who gives the amunisher and it's possible that she said to me hey don't you remember if somebody's running late and delaying you and you're frustrated aren't you supposed to feel it's all from Hashem which was just a mean thing to do which was just a mean thing to do but also the correct thing to say because it held up a mirror to me and it was 100 accurate now that doesn't mean that I shouldn't lie about the time we need to leave next time so that we actually can leave on time as I said we learn about people and what we need to do in order to accommodate so maybe we need to be a little bit um what's the word I don't like the word lie creative we need to be creative when saying what time we need to leave and build in the buffer of knowing that some are not as punctual as others maybe we need to learn from it but when that other lacks the punctuality I think we're also still entitled to say hey I'm frustrated remember we made an agreement we said we're going to leave by this time I'm not going to yell at you I'm not going to call you a name I'm not going to tell you you're just like this person in your family I'm not going to escalate so Zone Theory I'm not going to escalate some big fight but now it's going to take three days for us to recover from I'm going to gently and lovingly say hey remember listen I know it's from Hashem that we left later than I wanted I'm okay with that I'm cool with that I've accepted that but Hashem used you to be his schliach to make us late and I'm asking you not to be that schlier again if you don't mind we have an agreement we have a contract we said we're going to be punctual together but if you could live that life what would your marriage look like imagine what your marriage would look like if your child left that toy in the middle of the floor and you stubbed your toe on it and it hurt but you said you know I was meant to hurt my toe because Hashem wanted me to see it or walk around it or have the child remember it then I wouldn't have stubbed my toe on it so I'm still going to tell my child you need to clean your toys and if you don't taking them away or your bedtime is earlier or you lose your technology or whatever consequence will condition them to clean their toys but you're doing it now from a place of calm not from a place of anger you're doing it from a place of education and pedagogy not from a place of frustration and ego or why because you're able to interpret everything is from Hashem somebody hurt you or damaged you or injured you in business so you're entitled to say we're going to based in at times even our cause you're allowed to go to court if you have a header but if you're doing it you say look wanted me to potentially be out this money because wanted me to have to put in this time because wanted me to have to give a focus to this to this unfortunate experience he wanted it that's why I'm going through it because if he didn't this wouldn't be happening ah he chose you okay so now I'm going to do everything in my power now I'm going to now I'm going to follow up and hold accountable to the degree that I can but as I sit in that base then or as I sit in that mediation trying to resolve that conflict I do it from a place of calm and peace and serenity that look this was meant to be from Hashem whatever the outcome will be was meant to be from him even having to put in this time or spend this money to hold you accountable is all from Hashem so I'm just going through the you know when you when you make a recipe you have to have a lot of steps to it you add a bunch of ingredients you got to add them in a certain order you got to add them in a certain measure you got to mix it it's got to be in the oven it's got to be preheated you get angry at Hashem that you have to add those ingredients do you get angry at Hashem you have to preheat the oven do you get angry at Hashem that the recipe called for all those steps that's simply the way the world Hashem the way Hashem designed the world is that to get the result of that recipe you need to follow all those steps gives us recipes to life and it could include things that feel painful or are negative from others so as I go through all those steps I shouldn't do it with emotion I should do it with Serenity and peace knowing this is the recipe that he has written for me each of us have an individualized cookbook and this is the recipe that he's given me and this recipe includes gotta meet with a lawyer I've got to go to mediation I've got to go to court a judge will decide the days then we'll determine but as much as I'm not angry at the spices when I add them in the oven I preheat it I shouldn't with anger be at the deposition or sitting in front of the days then because this is all from Hashem it's what I have to do how it will turn out it's all from it's just all from Hashem so if a person can live this life if a person has the samuna and is able to filter and interpret and see the world through this prism imagine what marriage will be like imagine what a relationship with children would be like imagine our conflict will be resolved we'll be like yes and if a person lives with Hashem then you know that whatever I have is what I meant to have and I could be working harder and I could be taking initiative like crazy in order to get more but meanwhile what I have is what I meant to have and therefore what you have has nothing to do with me why would I be jealous of what's in your driveway why would I be jealous of who's in your home why would I be jealous of what's in your bank account why would I be jealous of what's dripping off your ear around your neck or on your fingers why would I be jealous of anything in your life what does that have to do with me I have what's meant for me and maybe if I have ambitioned for more I could work hard and Hashem will decide whether I get it or not but in the meantime why in the world would I ever be jealous of envious of what you have Allah we're equal you have your cookbook I have my cookbook you have to follow your recipe I'm following mine we each have what we're meant to have why would I be jealous or envious why would my life and happiness be determined by what you have if I live with Hashem I never have those feelings I never have those feelings it's hard however it's hard this level of amuna this attitude this muscle this prism this filter this pair of glasses it's so hard to live with you know what else is hard to live with jealousy and envy and anger and resentment and bitterness and desire for Revenge it eats you up inside it tears you apart it destroys your life destroys your life I was talking to somebody last night who had met with uh incredibly affluent wealthy person was describing to me his Fleet of private planes in the 737 was decked out with bedrooms and this and this and as I was listening to the descriptions it's all amazing and I'm sure his life is wonderful with that gift of materialism that he has and the many homes that he owns and the many and then I was just listening to something I was kind of waiting for it and I said you know tell me more he said well you know he's divorced and his kids this and it's whatever and I'm like there it is meaning not that there it is that that by definition you could have enormous wealth and have an enormously intact peaceful unified life doesn't necessarily by definition go together but when I heard that I said to myself I'll take Shalom bias over airplanes any day give me the option of a happy marriage growing old with someone feeling completed by somebody feeling your soul mate and your Bashar and raising a family and getting the knocks and love from children and being intact I'll take it any day a hundred times a day over extra legroom let alone own airplane maybe an actual legroom I need the actual legroom but even extra legroom even extra leg room so why would you look why would you be jealous why would you be envious you never know the peckle the other person has you never know what they're facing and you realize I got my cookbook I got my recipe I gotta follow my recipe this is what Hashem has for me so the life we can live the number one reason to live it is not Russia if all of us in this room have enormous amuna if none of us in this room have any yamuna Hashem is good to go I know we've been talking a lot about Hashem needing us and we do believe that too but Hashem is infinite omnipotent and perfect and he's good to go we're not doing it for him we don't do it for his benefit why are we living this life for us because our life is so much better richer healthier whole complete if we live life and we see him all around us there's something very deep says why is this important and why is this relevant and why we're learning this on these nine days as we're counting towards hopefully tishova will become a mole we'll all be dancing in you shalim with the base Hashem but if not why are we talking about this now because there are many people who think mistakenly that we have this enormous divide between there's the dimension of the relationship between me and Hashem and there's a relationship between me and my fellow man and don't mix them what does one have to do with the other leave me alone leave me alone how long my Shimon essay is in shul how righteous I am in my religious life has nothing to do with how I treat people in business the words I use the names I call them how I talk what does one thing have to do with the other don't mix them and in fact you have people arguably in the opposite direction who will sometimes say you know all that really matters fight a dollar every time somebody said to me I'm not so observant but what really matters is how I treat people I'm very honest I have integrity I'm kind I'm generous I'm good isn't that what really matters isn't that what really matters and what Adventure Meyer says is both sides are incorrect both are wrong because there is Zelda Zach they go together they're the same thing Zetas godollah there's no such separation between it's a sort of artificial yes because I'll give it to us there's a third one all three are descriptions we have to describe different angles but it's the same thing the person who sees a long trunk and the person who sees a tail and the person who sees four legs they're all talking about the elephant they're just looking from different sides we're looking from different sides but we're all describing the same elephant the same us the same exact thing which is the bottom line is it's all a relationship with Hashem if I live with and see and feel Hashem in my life came inside myself my mission my worth my purpose it's all about Hashem Hashem is what animates what informs you with so it drives he's what powers all of these relationships so every aspect of my relationship with my fellow man is really in essence all about my relationship with whom Hashem it's all about my relationship with Hashem if I have a negative interaction with others it's revealing that I've got problems in my relationship with Hashem and if I have a solid hardcore relationship with Hashem then I'm going to have solid hardcore relationship with others you know we don't believe in this humanistic attitude or approach that you know social justice and civil rights and that they're only all really about um you know humanism and loving people and that's a very surface superficial sort of egocentric way of looking at it my interpretation of justice is how the world needs to behave I determine whose civil right I stand up for that's a very civil that's a very subjective and it's a very egocentric way of looking at the world right I decide who's the underdog I decide who's vulnerable I decide who we need to stand up and fight for justice for it's humanistic it's subjective it is it's determined by different people who come to different conclusions right the most extreme example is Nazi Germany which was a democratically elected government decided that the most human thing that they could do is eliminate the Vermin called the Jews so was that Justice and humanistic and was that something righteous obviously very much not that's an extreme example of this humanistic approach in this egocentric interpretation of social justice which is really all about you it makes you feel good and you're a decision of what Justice is everything is about the depth premias really we say we're all children of Hashem we have to love our siblings we have to love all human beings we have to fight for righteousness and Justice because this is hashem's world this is hashem's planet this is hashem's universe and we have to repair it and redeem it and mold it and shape it in His image to his likeness fulfilling his vision for it and we have to fight for and treat our siblings Jewish and non-jewish because yes we are hashem's oldest children we are the bahor we are the eldest however everyone we are all children of Hashem so we have to love and support and care for and be righteous with all other people why that is an expression that's part of our relationship with Hashem with Hashem to realize that every year every Jew is a manifestation a physical expression of Hashem in this world they're telling like him so that Jew that you jumped on you criticize you marginalized you isolated that you judged unfavorably that Jew you gossiped about that Jew that you you isolated you did you isolated Hashem you judge them favorably Hashem you criticized Hashem because they're actually they are a piece of Hashem now for some it makes it very hard to see that and find that piece of Hashem in them it's buried so deep in them and there's so many layers of Schmutz that it's so hard to find but that's why we have to go look and search and find and connect with that which is redeemable and that which is Godly in others and if we do if we exert the time and the effort we can and we will find it in others so you'll say well I've just erased all the individuality nobody has any independent worth everybody's just valuable because they are Hashem I just I just erased all the individualism of everybody now as they are true but the answer is the most the greatest gift you could give anyone is not is not to pretend that they're not okay it's not to see them as such a individual so unique that they're not a child of Hashem the greatest gift that we can give him is to see everybody as children of Hashem everybody's an expression of Hashem we're all his children and we're all siblings and we can and should all love and not one another I do a fair amount of counseling you know how often comes up a spouse feels stuck between their spouse and their parent let's say the wife you know says to the husband you don't get along with my father or my mother but can't you do it for me because the friction that you have is killing me or a parent says to the child I know that you are unhappy you're disappointed in your sibling you're hurt from your sibling but for me you can't find a way to be together over yontef you can't find a way to be in the same room for the sinhra you can't find a way to overlap you don't have to be best friends you don't go on vacation together alone but when we're a family you can't find a way forget for the two of you but what about for me so that's what the Hashem sits up there and he says okay so you've got problems between each other but for me you can't find a way so it's about our relationship with Hashem is in fact a reflection of where we're holding um so what do we think about talk about all the time we think about what he said what she said about me what he did to me what she did to me how he responded how she responded we're so focused on them we forget that in them we forget that Hashem runs this world and there we're all just pawns and puppets where all Hashem is the one pulling the strings so yes we are accountable we also have a free will and have initiative something we need to and we'll come back in Future weeks revisiting yet again this balance between Free Will and Divine Providence so yes on the one hand we have initiative and we have free will but this is if you understand this issue properly then Hashem every interaction I have you know why is this keeping me waiting so long where is my food at the restaurant why the bank teller keep making mistakes why is from significant and consequential to insignificant and inconsequential but of each time that my heartbeat starts to go up my pulse starts to increase my sweat glands start to pump I start my ego starts to kick in I start to get frustrated I'm about to erupt I'm about to lash out at the driver who the light turned green a millisecond ago and they didn't and now my horn right if you've moved recently we don't do that in Florida we allow a person a millisecond to take their foot off the gas and put it on the off the brake and put it on the gas we give them that permission before we you know Ram them with the back of a door car so how do we overcome to not lash out to our spouse to our children to our colleague to our employer or our employee to the bank teller to the flight attendant to the waiter to the person at the red light in front of us to the uh what do they call that road Ridge how do we how do we transform Our Lives all of those I just gave you every single example I just gave was right our spouses our marriage our children our peers our colleagues our neighbors our friends our those are all Bernardo and what is the solution in antidote what is the answer to repairing the Sinners is to work on if I live with greater I'm going to be talking about seeing feel his presence in my life if I live with a panemius I don't just see the surface of the superficial but I see the depth I see Hashem in the background of everything that happens he's by my side whispering in my ear helping me interpret all the events that happen he's the father saying do me a favor just get along with my other children he's the father who says don't be jealous or envious if you know what else they have to deal with don't worry my son I've given my daughter I've given you what you need follow the recipe if we understood and heard him whispering in our ear through all these things the peace the serenity our blood pressure would go down our sugar levels would go down our happiness would go up our meaning and purpose would go up the antidote and the answer to being Adam is all of our thought all of our attention all of our attitude all of it needs to be on increasing and working on that and that it's all from Hashem if he didn't want it to happen it wouldn't be happening it is all from above and it's all from Hashem so this is our work in these nine days and Tish above and again if you're listening another time you're allowed to also be working on sennasokus not only until like people think you're only allowed to do chuva in Elo you're only allowed on a Torah and shavuas you're only allowed to see you're allowed to the whole year do these things you're a lot of work on on the day after Tish above you're also allowed to love people more you're also a lot of great people a lot more so but but our avoda particularly in this time are Voda particularly in this time is how we treat others so this is the time to greet and to love and to warmth and to care and to reach out and to find commonality and to repair relationships and to create a bond why am I doing that because that's how I share Hashem love how can I have the the courage and the faith and the fortitude but somebody really hurt me but we have real differences but we real the answer is in the other person in the other person and that will give the fortitude to be able to not lash out as two emails recently shared the story of people they were very angry at but they leaned into their amuna to avoid their anger anger management we don't call this living with the moon anymore this is Wednesday morning anger management Anger Management how do you have anger management how can you never Raise Your Voice how can you stay sweet and Serene how can we you want to be an influencer not by yelling and screaming calm cool collect compelling sweet caring and how can we get to that place how can that become our disposition how can we make that our default so thank you for coming to anger management we meet again next week on air of Tish above then we're taking a break for a few weeks tonight behind the bema with Rabbi Dr mayor salavechik until next time stay happy stay healthy and stay holy somebody