Living With Emunah (Part 263) - What Will it Say on your Matzeiva?

good morning good morning welcome back to living with the moon I want to thank our generous sponsors for the year Dr zavian Bella Morgan and memory of Rabbi Dr Brian galbot and the memory of brother Bella's mother Dr Ellen chanzer thank them so much this morning she is also sponsored thank you to the stroller with family on the Earth thank you for your generosity anonymously with memory of Joseph was on the seventh of Adar so thank you to all of our generous sponsors greatly appreciate it and I want to thank uh those who've already joined the global community and given to the global campaign if you've not yet given it's not too late we are only 55 percent of the way there if you're a BRS member you're more than doing your part if you're not a BRS member but you enjoy the content you're enriched you listen you read you watch you grow please do your part click on brsonline.org global and please join us enable us to continue to promote and share Torah okay wishing everyone a freelancen Purim the partying and the Purim continue it's not over yet foreign stop trying to hold on to think you can understand you can control you can comprehend the entire world we have to surrender to him we have to recognize it's his world and we take our initiative we do our part we take pride in our success but in the end of the day ultimately ultimately we surrender to him and that's the megillus filled with when when uh Mordechai says who knows it's all about letting go of the Das so some demonstrated it yesterday and are paying the price this morning but whether you uh literally or figuratively participated in surrendering Das that we don't understand sometimes you have to let go it's painful it's difficult it's hard to reconcile Lord to understand hashem's world you know it's easy when you miss the flight or you're stuck at the red light and you went to the amunisher so you're like oh okay that's easy but when there are irreversible devastatingly catastrophic painful things that happen in a person's life to surrender Das in those moments is very very hard very hard soapuram shushan puram puram the energy of Purim is still in this world in the world cities you're shalayim and others and we're continuing to draw from that energy in our practice of letting go of that test I want to share with you another I love the emuna stories keep them coming please email please share them they inspire me and I hope when I share them with you they inspire you as well dear Rabbi Goldberg I'm listening to your passion every week hope it doesn't sound cliche blah blah blah blah blah instead of listening to music while I'm driving or cooking and now listen to your share I'm good I'm writing this email as I hold my one-year-old in the post anesthesia Care Unit today started out like any other day I was driving to my boys school and looked for an amunisher to listen to since I was up to date with the current ones and I got to share number 206 well you shared an email from someone but almost missing a flight she shared the entire time that she was going through the airport she didn't worry she knew that if Hashem wanted her to get on the plane she would get on the plane the story continuously emphasized the idea that Hashem puts everyone exactly where they need to be at any given moment this afternoon as I was putting a batch of challah dough in the oven my baby crawled upstairs I knew some of my other kids were there and I was straightening up the kitchen suddenly my son came down saying the baby was choking on a piece of Lego I ran upstairs and saw my daughter throwing up and gasping for air as I hit her on the back I somehow with the presence of mine to remember exactly where my cell phone was and to call out Salah within two minutes one member of what's always at my house as well as my neighbor at that time my baby had thrown up a lot and was breathing although she was still not breathing easily and sounded very Wheezy my neighbor told me that I should stop hitting the baby's back she was breathing I saw the ambulance arrived to take us to the hospital at the hospital we went through the triage in the Pediatric ER had X-rays taken but there was nothing remarkable about what the doctors saw they asked me numerous times that the baby was congested before this choking incident and I consistent I told them that she was not with this in mind they recommended that neon t look at the x-rays to give another opinion regarding next steps while we were not comfortable leaving with her the idea of sending her the operating room to stick a camera down her throat or to use different tools to remove a foreign object from her lungs was not exciting either we were told the ents were all busy it may take hours to be available in the meantime my daughter could breathe but sounded very Wheezy in hoarse we had a very close friend who works in the hospital and was able to pull through strings to have an ENT come down to us within minutes after Consulting with the doctor attending physician was decided the baby would need this procedure in the operating room we brought it to the r said or said goodbye and started davening along with the rest of the family's WhatsApp chats after about half an hour the surgeon came out and told us she was fine and proceeded to show us what he found right beneath my baby's vocal cords in the area before branching out to the lungs a Lego hairbrush was stuck they then had to intubate my daughter in order to remove the foreign object and they found it my husband and I were listening all the unbelievable from Hashem in this whole episode too many to list in full but I'll write a few the fact that my neighbor came and told me to stop hitting the baby while she was breathing the fact that the six-year-old told me she put Lego in her mouth so I didn't feel comfortable that her wheezing sounds were congestion the fact that though she was congested for months since it's cold here in the winter and for the past week she was 100 clear I also knew not to go home and be okay with her sounding Wheezy the fact that our friend was able to call someone to get us to see the ENT quickly fact that this Lego piece was lodged in a way that still enabled my daughter to breathe while going through the ideal this ordeal and the list goes on and um throughout the entire process I remain calm and level-headed and it was exactly where I was supposed to be at every single moment in time I told this to my daughter while holding her in the ER while we were waiting and said many times and said many times which had been on my phone lock screen as you said many times the messages are not new it's important to always be working on a ramuna muscle without the constant reminder I don't think I would have been as calm and collected as I was tonight now as I finish the email we're back home my husband and I wheeled my daughter out of the hospital we're quietly saying Hashem kilosamnu it truly performs never ending he loves us as no one else does thank you for the shear of the deviatora the official story but leave out our names okay so it's another amazing story thank you for all the stories but what I'll tell you what I think is remarkable about the story about almost all the stories that are shared is again the two perspectives or attitudes a person could bring so many others could write that email and say Hashem where are you where were you you let my daughter swallow a Lego piece you sent us to the ER we sat and she had to go into the OR you scared us half to death you put us through this ordeal you made her suffer through this procedure there is no God where are you how could you however we have two choices in life you could live life that Hashem is everywhere you could live life that Hashem is nowhere could live life angry and bitter and look for when he's missing you could live life and see when he's showing us his hand when you could feel his presence so it's remarkable and hats off to the author of the email who chose to live through that ordeal and list and enumerate and count out the many khasada to see The Guiding hand of Hashem throughout the ordeal and to sing and to realize wherever we are whatever we're sitting whatever we're waiting for Hashem you're there and you are with me those are the two choices that we have it won't make anything better to say where are you and how could you and it's understandable sometimes to feel that way to be in that pain and to protest and to object it's understandable I'm not sitting in Judgment of anybody who reacts that way when they go through a horrible situation it's understandable but we could also look at even within the horrible situations and say at least or thank you for or I'm so grateful for that and that's what this uh person chose to do and I'm grateful they took the time to write me we're on page I involved back in Tiffany rabanovic great sadik and you shall I am and he tells us the following on the bottom of page I involved there are many ways and many paths to the service of Hashem yes there are those people who are drawn to and turned to their Sharma the core of who they are and even within the study of Torah yes there are those who like to go through the simple understanding of the text some prefer to go through the rigorous analysis some like learning Jewish law yes everyone has an attia everybody's nashama is different we're all drawn to different things some like to be intellectually stimulated and provoked some like emotionally to be challenged some like the volunteer in Duchess and some their nishama lights up they're on fire nesham is turned on from davening yes so first of all it's important where is your soul drawn what do you indulge in what do you invest in what do you identify with what kind of a Jew are you which Jew are you what are you drawn to I'll tell you he doesn't quote this we say often after advice a great privilege and pleasure of the Jewish people it's a daddy song Hashem because he wanted to give us a great gift gave us a plethora gave us an enormous list of Torah and mitzvos so imagine you tell your child I love you so much I want to give you a great gift I have a stress for you the stress for you is could you fold the laundry clean your room go shopping cook dinner I have a great stress for you a laundry list of things that I'm asking you to do that's how Hashem is giving us he gives us that's a great privilege that's a great stress so there's all kinds of answers to how you understand that question everybody weighs in the rambam they all jump in with different answers some say you know why it's a great stress what would happen if we wouldn't be busy and occupied with Toren mitzvos what would happen if you didn't have to dive in the morning and afternoon in the evening you got to prepare for Purim I hate to tell you but now we're thinking we're 30 days from can't say it out loud ladies I relate to you men your husbands they could care less they do nothing but me again I relate to you I'm with you I'm with you I also break out knives so we're busy we're busy with Torah and mitzvos there's a long list of things we have to do you know what in the inner city I don't know if it's true today but years ago they had something called The Midnight basketball league unless you think I'm disparaging the inner city if you speak to many Yeshiva Boys high schools they follow the same policy what was the philosophy of the Midnight basketball league they did the studies the statistics if you take people who when they're not occupied find themselves doing things they shouldn't be doing instead you give them something to do then crime rates go down drug use and sales go down and they're busy Midnight basketball league many boys achievement schools they have night seder and they have their own basketball league and they keep the boys late and their parents who say we do one of these kids you know what time they come home school ends this then there's mishmar then there's night seder then there's basketball yeah we try to keep them as busy as possible because uh an adolescent boy who's not busy can find trouble can find trouble I'm not saying they're going to do crime or they're going to sell drugs but if they have a device or what else are they going to do is sit playing video games so the same philosophy so one of the answers is Hashem says what are you going to do if I take away the Toro and mitzvos how are you going to fill your time what are you going to be busy with so you created a Midnight basketball league only it's not only midnight it's all day and all night and we're always thinking right we calibrate our Compass our life revolves around Torah inmates what's the next minute chakras did I bench you gotta cook and that keeps us busy with holy and sacred and meaningful activity and it enriches our life enormously that's one answer another answer another answer you want to give us a great school this is the maharaja's answer moral says why is it a great schools why is it a great Swiss says something amazing sizzling amazing we know we have a mission that says all Jewish people have a portion of the world to come so I ask you a newborn baby a baby emerges from the womb and that baby has a portion of the world to come what has that baby done they've not made any choices they've not expressed Free Will they've not earned any Merit why are they deserving of a portion of the world to come why Samara says they have a soul they have a Jewish Soul they have a Jewish soul that will be obligated in Torah and mitzvos says you know if the king the president the head of the company if someone in a position of power influence Taps you to do something for them even before you've done it or failed at it the very fact that you were asked to do it elevates you the very fact that you were the one you were recruited you were tasked you were tapped with doing it that very fact that you were asked to do it elevates you so we say Hashem it's not easy and I may fail I may come up short I may not get it all done or get it all done perfectly but the fact that you asked me that you thought of me that you charged me with doing this for you for your world ah that in itself that in itself is a merit I'll just give you one more explanation then we'll go back to the text the rambam gives another the ramam says foreign this is a morning caffeinate with Havana it's the morning caffeine with the come on without Cabana just you need the caffeine better with cavana shock only throw everything from you Hashem caffeinate with kavana oh Purim and mozipuram you appreciate coffee Montana zester when you can't have it and motepuram when you desperately need it put it right into an ivy drip the whole day you gotta caffeinate with cavan it'd be great for revanchalam what a gift what a gift so the Ramones has another interpretation you know why because he says every Jew every yet man and woman young and old every Jew connects to a mitzvah connects to a Mitzvah you know they have those people in your life and your family in the shul that's the Purim Jew the whole year is Purim the whole year they wait for perm they live for Purim they vote it's shushan Purim they've already planned next year's costume next year's menu next year's they're all set they love the Magilla they love the groggers and the noise you've got the Yom Kippur Jew you've got the Shiloh you got the Jew drives around looking for a nest with a mother bird gets send it away take the egg you got the shot in his Jew you've got every type of there's a Jew who connects to Mitzvahs this is the Jew who that's their Mitzvah they love that Mitzvah they know everything about that Mitzvah they studied up everything about that Mitzvah they love every Jew connects to a Mitzvah pesach the pesachudasi benching there's a Jew connects I'm pronounced filling lighting the candles you know what he did created an incredible diverse array an amazing menu of mitzvos find your Mitzvah what's your Mitzvah which Mitzvah speaks which Mitzvah speaks to the core and the roots of your soul what lights you up what gets you going what do you connect with what do you want to study what do you want to understand what do you want to perform what moves you which Mitzvah is it you love learning what do you love learning which day of the year which day on our calendar which you've got the camera the people who do taharas you've got there's every type which is a Mitzvah so no one would be able to say ah I looked at the whole menu there's nothing on it for me nothing speaks to me not interested nothing here to eat in this restaurant here balam tournaments for 613 there's something for everyone there's something for everyone so that's sort of saying some love learning within learning they love different topics of learning or different styles of learning some of has said everybody has something that speaks to their soul ah back in the text say yes to know that there is an inner point an inner light something so significant something so meaningful something so powerful something so true something so authentic and real that we have to all work on the iMagic the foundation of righteousness and the core of serving hashema in good faith she's Barbie's amazing person has to ask themselves why am I here what's my mission what's my duty what's my responsibility what difference am I meant to make why am I here what is life and what is this world all about it's not about taking it's not about receiving it's not about rights and entitlements and honors it's not what do I get out of it we are living in a generation I say this all the time you'll forgive me if you've heard it before said it in so many venues and places we're living a generation at a time more prosperous than ever and more miserable than ever we have more comfort more convenience more Prosperity more material things than ever before and people are more unhappy than ever before more miserable more depressed more anxious than ever before why because when you live life what I get what do I get oh I joined I'm a member at Costco a Restaurant Depot I'll join Brokers on Senegal I'll be a member of the global Community what do I get what do I get out of it what are my rights I get like a tote bag with PBS in the mail for joining forgiving Jam in the AM sweatshirt what do I get what do I get from Global I at least get some disposable caffeinated with cavana cups maybe what do I get we live in a world where everyone wants to know what do I get out of it what do I get out of it I've had young boys tell me putting out film doesn't do anything for I don't get anything out of it so I leave my Throne at school I only bring it home Sunday I don't put them on because I don't get anything out of it everything in life is measured by what makes me happy what gives me pleasure what are my rights and entitlements what do I get out of it says if you live a life like that you could have the nicest car in the biggest house and go on the most exotic vacations and indulge in the greatest Delicacies and you know what you're going to be miserable you're gonna feel empty because when life is all about what you can get what you can take what are your rights and entitlements you feel hollow inside but if you live a life of the ram how if you live this life now what can I take what can I give not what do I get but how can I contribute not what are my rights and entitlements but what are my duties and obligations I woke up this morning I'm alive and I my faculties work not as well as they usually do but they're working at least they're working I woke up this morning and I'm alive I'm alive I have a my heart is beating in my chest I'm alive talents and blessings and skills and opportunities what will I do with them what difference will I make with them how can we contribute to this world what can we give to what difference can we make what role can I play in my family in my community in my Global community what can I contribute what difference can I make how can I make a positive result now I'm not going to go into this because I have so many other times so many other places but does not say he does not say what is your duty or responsibility in the world what is your duty responsibility in the hola Mo what does olamo mean his world her world and your world each of us have our own world some of us have physical mental emotional challenges struggles we have our own genetics we have our own baggage we have our own background we each have our own assets liabilities gifts and weaknesses we're all our own world so we shouldn't measure ourselves against someone else don't compete don't compare don't keep up figure out who you are what you're meant to do what difference you're meant to make what life you're meant to live in your world not someone else's world what are you going through right now what's happening how do you feel what opportunities do you have now what do you take with it and what do you do with it says just doing it with a check next to the Box you are a checklist Jew what I call checklist Jew who's always got that checklist in their mind yet last night I was asking did I damn Mark tell the bench please tell me I did did I but you know even not Purim check check check check check did I do a check did I do a check that I did a little hesitant check gave to the global campaign check learned a little Torah check divined already Jack said something tell them chat you like that subtlety how I get that check check check but all of those check marks are not going to transform you as a person those check marks they don't go on your tombstone you know the dash you all know the palm of the dash if you don't Google the palm of the dash such a great poem what matters in your life is the dash between the years you know the poem yeah the year you were born in the year you died what matters is the dash how did you live those years what difference did you make I have a very peculiar Hobby one of my peculiar Hobbies as a rabbi is a rough hang out in the cemetery a fair amount funerals and commerce might save and alike so you like to look around at matsavis tombstones fascinating what people put on tombstones it's fascinating what people put I don't mean just you put the or you're born there you die most have the minute to only put the father's name we dab in for a person while they're alive then or Bass their mother's name after they're gone we put their their father's name identity uh in perpetuity then changes shifts to the father but it's unusual it's peculiar someone emailed me recently for a particular reason and uh pointed out ramosha Feinstein was yours that was last week on his mate as his mother's name also but his father's name and his mother's name certainly we have a Minnesota for that too nothing wrong with that to be identified connected with the father the mother all kinds of things going to Tombstone maybe if it's a coin you put the coin fingers maybe if it's people put all kinds of symbols but I've also seen on tombstones I've seen a deck of cards where it talks about a person love poker they love Mahjong they love Mahjong I've seen I've seen on uh you can't imagine what I've seen on on tombstones the image that the family chose to put on the tombstone you can't imagine a picture of the dog they love their dog pet seen all kinds of things on tombstones so the question is the literal or figurative the metaphorical mateva of Our Lives what will it say what will Define the dash between our years Mahjong they were the best Mahjong player in the community they walked away every time we played they were the winner they walked away with the pot that's what it's going to say nothing wrong with Mahjong I'm not ranking and I'm not knocking Mahjong nothing wrong with Mahjong uh full board golf tennis Recreation it's great spend time with family with friends give 10 of your Mahjong winnings the pot goes to Tom grishabas or the global campaign nothing wrong with Mahjong I'm saying is that what's going to go on your tombstone is that reverse engineer your life my friend by Danny Khan has a book about this hero reverse engineer your life what do you want them saying at your funeral your children your grandchildren your great-grandchildren your great great grandchildren what do you want them what do you want to say in Tombstone instead of visited Mr Sanders and I know her sister was over she's a hundred he's turning 99 and his younger brother's 96. and I say whatever the senders had growing up I want some of that unbelievable so his sister was asking me about my family I hadn't seen her in a long time I said would you believe I have three grandchildren Mr Sanders says I have 56 great-grandchildren so okay you win you win Canada we should all be zohra so add our lavaya after 120 what do you want to talk about Mahjong that's what you wanted to talk about what a mahjong player you were what what reverse engineer your life write your own husband and now live a life that is worthy to receive that haspid write the eulogy you would once said about you and now live a life that earns that eulogy being said about you you know told us it's better to go to a base mishta better to go to a funeral than a wedding because the wedding is perspective you know it's all kinds of brachas and promises and Diva Torah and hopes and aspirations for how this couple will live the funeral you reflect back and you look at how the person did live you walk away from a funeral I know I do and I want to be a good funeral proper funeral meaning for funeral of a of a good person I said I want to be that kind of parent wow they talked about kind of parent they were how present they were what a role model wow I want to be that kind of child depending on the funeral I either call my kids or I call my parents on the way home from the funeral I would want to be a better husband you walk away you I want to be better I want that said about me I won't say any of these things about me they never raised their voice they never got angry they were always around they always showed up they always no one's saying any of these things about me it's not too late it's not too late to live the life you were meant to live it's not to live it's not too late to earn the eulogy that you want to be said about you that's how we're meant to live so everybody else says nobody will get up they were a checklist Jew my mother my father they put a check next to everything that was asked to them so that they could play tennis golf Mahjong go to the mall go to the nobody I don't want that has been they put a check mark next to every box in Yiddish kite I don't want that has to put about me I don't think you want it about you they were a giver they were a doer they were influencer in the best sense of that word they transformed the world that's what not what did they take what did they get what they receive what they have what they give what they do how do they transformed sorry I skipped the sentence all of that all of this world all this life is a platform to cling and to connect and to glue and to attach ourselves to him the almighty informs and animates and inspires everything we do it's part of every conversation it's part of every choice he's part of every activity he's part of all that we do in all the way we live it's part of it all it's because I'm clinging I'm connecting to him to him that I did I walked away from I imitated Hashem who is the ultimate of God is the ultimate of benevolence so when I was Magnum when I was kind and giving and altruistic myself I was imitating him I connected to him through the facet of taking care of his other children when I learned Torah I mentioned in the Parsha class on Monday and I reserved the right to develop this sometime much more but I I heard it in a podcast and I loved it you could read or learn for information or you could read or learn for transformation we often read or we learn for information and sadly too many of our schools yeshiva's their curriculum is designed around reading for information we read and we learn for transformation so you should walk away from every Shear every engagement with a text every time you opened a safe friend you learned you don't just say well what information did I get what did I memorize what do I know do you walk away not with information but with transformation why I just accessed hashem's will his thy his diary his blueprint for creation his recipe his formula wow I'm transformed by it I have a whole new way of seeing the world transformed by it every time I dive in it's not just check now I rate the khazan now I write the draw Shadow I spoke for way too long it was too hot it was too cold but check I haven't transformed by that Daphne wow what a davening I had an audience with the Almighty I connected I attached myself to him I protest that I objected I told him when I'm not happy I thanked him I expressed gratitude for everything that worked out amazing I haven't that connected I attached it was at Vegas each of these activities are not just to put a check mark they are all a platform and an opportunity for Vegas if you take your child you say come I gotta go to the supermarket you want to come come let's spend time so you could put a check mark next to we picked up all the things from the supermarket or you could say because I did that with my child and we spent time I transformed it to a meaningful activity we had fun we looked around we laughed we compared prices we compared salad dressings we decided what to get so went from a mundane activity to there was a store when I was growing up called two guys anyone ever heard the store two guys yeah my father worked long hours when I was a kid is supposed to spend time with him now they live locally I don't take it for granted thank you Hashem when I was a kid we didn't see him much he worked hard he worked long hours I have vivid memories as a small child of getting in his car to go to two guys I don't remember what they sold the two guys or why we went there it was like a Target all right two guys anyway but I remember I remember when he would say come we're going to two guys we gotta get some stuff that that that time went from a mundane the most mundane activity there could be of a shopping list of things to come let's go come we gotta get gas come we're going to the supermarket or come we're going to visit someone come we're going to the hospital we're gonna visit somebody come exchange it from one activity to another so we have that chance with Hashem Hashem come let's go we're going to the supermarket Hashem come gonna visit someone Hashem come I'm going to talk to you you should come I'm gonna talk to you davening learning should be for transformation for advances we see Hashem every step every step every point every moments says Hashem puts his hand he inserts himself in everything just have to look for him to listen to him if your antenna is extended if you are tuned you'll hear him sometimes it's directly we learned this for many months do you recall we started we talked about rats of a shove the different modes or moments in yiddishkai sometimes we're High sometimes we're low sometimes it's all flowing sometimes you feel stuck sometimes we feel face to face sometimes we're just seeing his back in every match of in every moment he sticks out his hand Heinen when it's revealed and when he's hidden he's always there he's always there it's our mission it's our mandate to go find them to attach ourselves to him to live a life in pursuit in connection and attachment with him with Vegas so that's our avoda that's our Voda don't just live a checklist don't just put a check mark sitting in the eye sitting in the emergency room outside the or the child with the Lego piece stuck in her throat that's where the Republic is he's in that moment you could be there yelling at him how dare you how could you where are you to thank you thank you for the 10 things that worked out right it doesn't always work out right it's even harder to see him or thank him but in those moments even if they're difficult you have a person who stubs their toe I see this whole time someone stubs your toe and I there is no God I don't believe in God why would God have that happen and you have the person who has 17 kinds of diagnosis takes 40 pills a day has to go through 30 treatments thank you so much thank you that there are therapies and treatments thank you for the good moments thank you for the access to the doctors I don't understand why and I'm miserable with it and I wish you didn't give it and I beg you to take it away but I see you and I feel you and I'm grateful even for the small things in it this year is sponsored each week in memory of Brian Brian galbot last week I knew baruchi a third three came into the world so Brian is very much still alive but at the end of his life he was dying and he would talk about isn't Hashem amazing until he couldn't talk anymore that he was Hashem is amazing because my whole family's around me it's not actually I'm amazing okay if I didn't see it with my own eyes I wouldn't believe it and if I didn't experience it as real as it was I would say ah he just wanted to make sure that the art school book would be written about him but it was real real isn't Hashem amazing so we could be like the author of that email even in a hard circumstance walk away grateful having gone through an ordeal but saying look at how Hashem is found so many ways in it or you could stub your toe people get a paper cut people have a uh canker sore in the tongue they give up on God no faith how could he where is he it's up toss which way we're going to live our lives let's choose right because if we do we could live not only the most prosperous time but the happiest time the time fell with the greatest faith and meaning and purpose in this world pushing everyone a foreign stay happy stay healthy and stay holy