Living With Emunah (Part 258) - Only Thing Missing is You

welcome back ladies to living with emuna ladies and gentlemen who are watching I guess online want to express our gratitude to our series sponsor Dr zavian Bella Morgan and memory Dr Brian galbot in memory of Bella's mother Dr Ellen shanzer we remain very grateful to the Morgans for sponsoring each and every week this morning Shear is also sponsored by Cara and Dr Ben Friedman in memory of Cara's mother Helen Cohen on what would have been her 79th birthday we certainly remember Helen very well incredibly dignified woman of great faith tremendous amuna and uh had a huge impact on our community and on us and we remember her today and also dedicated should have strength and comfort and Hashem should shower his love upon her okay we are on TV emuna we're learning all about the importance of having a Muna of living with amuna of living with faith so we're on the bottom of page I and Olive page 71 bottom page iron aleph Michelle so a person who's achieved it we've spoken about this we've spoken about all this before we just repeat ourselves each and every week and yet you come back the um points out and moon is not something you accomplish you achieve a mood is not something that you're finished with you're done with and Mona you don't put a check box next to when you shook the Lula but you heard the chauffeur he sat in the sukkah you're done but when you're working at the Muna you're never finished you never put a check you never done you don't ever say or feel I've accomplished amuna I have amuna what would the thing oh I had to buy the new thing I had to get a dresser for my kid I had to buy the new phone all right I got a Muna I'm good check I picked up some emuna I was at the supermarket can't believe what it cost these days I picked up some emuna and Muna you don't pick up the money you don't buy money you don't order on Amazon and the moon are you never done with you're never done with you don't say you know I have it and uh and therefore I'm done but rather a person has to always be working evolving exercising the immuno muscle or putting on the immunoglasses whatever metaphor or muscle we want to use but a person always has to be working on that sense of emuna but when we have a Muna there should be a foundation when we wear those glasses or we get that LASIK surgery and we see Hashem in the world everywhere we turn we feel his presence we feel his love we see everything is being ordained from above nothing is random or chance or coincidence but everything is by Design then we don't have to reawaken and re-establish and struggle with our Muna each time from the beginning each time we encounter either a conflict or a crisis of Faith or each time we encounter in artilla in our prayer we encounter Hashem we shouldn't have to stop and start all over again oh yeah but I forgot there's a great name and I want to sanctify it oh yeah there's God and I have to accept the Yoke of Heaven upon myself oh yeah there's Hashem and I used to stand before him in Phila and have a intimate rendezvous with him and confide in him when a person feels this is life you don't forget to live so meaning breathing do you ever forget to breathe when you realize that your life depends on breathing we have a spontaneous we've conditioned ourselves to breathe regularly to breathe regularly you can work on your breathing I actually recently read a whole book on breath this person met countless experts in practice and different ways that you breathe and through the nose out the mouth in the nose and out the nose holding your breath how long you can learn to hold your breath Navy Seals underwater can hold their breath four five six minutes at a time longer periods incredible amounts there are ways you can learn to breathe better an athlete sleep apnea improving your sleep mindfulness and meditation you get to learn how to breathe better but you don't have to ever every day go okay what do I have to do today I have to remember to breathe to remember shower I have to remember to eat I have to remember to there are things that we know are the life force the Life Source we can't live without them and we don't need to remember to do them and on that list should be a Muna wake up in the morning it's not I have to remember to have a Muna it's that that is how I interpret and see and experience the entire world around me that whatever's happening you don't have to remember to eat many of us have to remember to stop eating enough to remember to start eating we have to remember it's okay you could stop now you're full you're done you have enough it's okay so a person who gets to a point that they say what is my duty my purpose my obligation my responsibility why am I here not in the world why am I in my world I woke up today in my world and my world has whatever is going on in it with whoever is in it my world is in this place at this time with these people I have these strengths and these weaknesses these assets these liabilities this is my total picture this is my world what's my obligation in it not what are my rights and entitlements not what's coming to me not what am I wake up and the world has to serve me what am I meant to do with it how do I make the world a better place ain't sorry and what drives that question is that I'm here to serve him it drives that question is I only am alive because of his graciousness his kindness is love I only have breath in my lungs I only have a roof over my head I only have whatever I have because of him why did he put me here what does he want from me each day you don't have to wake up again and say you know gives the example of eating we give the example of breathing but I'll give another example are two other examples you don't wake up every day and say which is from am I married or single oh that's right let me remember I'm married today that's a part of your identity your core identity is who you are even more than that because some people need to remember more that they're married and the decisions they make and how they spend their time and so on you know says there's a Minogue there's a minute that you get a huss on a watch a zaga you get on my watch why do you get a huss and a watch not everybody has this Minogue but many of them he becomes a Hassan he gets a watch you know becoming a brighter groom today is like you know the price is right you like to win the lottery you get just what gifts uh showcase show that you get everything you know this is the Assumption what you're getting what you deserve what you need all kinds of uh 20 year old boys are walking around with nicer watches than their fathers and fathers-in-law combined but anyway we'll leave that aside for a moment we'll leave that aside for a moment so as fast Emma says why is the minute to get a young man a watch why because the father-in-law is essentially saying to the son-in-law says I want you to know until now your time was your own you sat in the basement as late as you want you hung out in the dormitory you went out with the boys you watched the game you did what you want when you want you woke up when you want which Minion you wanted to go to until now your time was your own but I'm giving you my daughter and your time is no longer your own see this watch look at it and have a Time awareness and a Time Consciousness and a mindfulness and know that even if you're doing something Noble like still sitting in the basement my daughter will be sitting at home waiting for you to return she made dinner be on time you told her what time you'd be back from night seder be on time you told her you'd pick something up at the grocery store look at that watch and remember so beautiful the reason we give a watch is remember you're married you know yesterday you were just another one of the book I'm hanging out in the basement the dorm you were with the boys look at your wrist see that fancy expensive watch I had to take a mortgage for and remember and remember that my daughter is waiting for you at home it's a beautiful summer there's a minute to get a watch so some husbands some wives can forget they're married but I don't think anyone forgets their apparent no matter where you are no matter what you're doing maybe mothers or women excel at this more than men you could be on vacation you haven't pulled out of the driveway and the wife said we should check on the kids of the kids okay you're like we just say goodbye to them we haven't pulled out of the driveway yes but are they okay are they do they have a plan will everything be all right can we really leave them no matter where you go no matter what you're doing no matter where you go no matter what you're doing you uh thank you you know that you're a parent you know that you're a parent you don't have to wake up in the morning and say yes oh that's right I have children oh how many who are they what are their names where are they no matter what you're distracted by no matter what you're doing no matter where you are you're always apparent and that's part of a core identity it's part of a core Consciousness those who are waiting and longing should be blessed with healthy children those who want to know that identity and that feeling should be rewarded with that but that's part of your very core identity so Revolution that's what we're working on that it's not that I have a Muna on Wednesday morning from 8 45 till whenever and then from the rest of Wednesday until through Tuesday I dive and I do all these things but I forget to work on a Muna it's that a moon it's like I'm not a parent only during carpool of a parent until they fall asleep at night I'm prepared until I get out on vacation I'm a parent it's my identity it's who I am I'm married that's my core identity it's who I am it's intertwined with my who I am so similarly amuna is intertwined with who I am there's no moment in the day where I forget there's Hashem so I made a decision that he would be dissatisfied or disappointed in there's no moment in my day that I act selfishly and I only care about myself or my needs and I forget that I'm here to serve him just like I can't forget I'm a parent or I'm a spouse I can't forget I'm married I'm a relationship with Hashem that's how core it needs to be that's how obvious it needs to be that's how much we need to wake up with that with that sense that's what we're trying to achieve that's where we're trying to go that's what we're trying to get to is to remember that this is why that this is what happened that this is for a reason and then it'll permeate our everyday we don't have to look for it and make it kick in when we're already in the crisis whether it's a minor crisis my old phone had a problem I got a new phone I transferred everything over I transferred to WhatsApp I noticed everything was missing and then I realized that for whatever reason I hadn't backed up since March of 2020. so every picture every video every conversation every everything now that that could be a lot of data of information of really family beautiful things as a rabbi conversations that were important to keep and to and to have a record of so I started to get anxious and then I said hey dope you teach the amunisher like this is what was meant to be so then I spent way too much time and figured it out and I did the old phone and was able to get it and back it up and move it over and bar Hashem I only lost three days of data which is more than I can I'm more than okay with but I want you to know genuinely in Cecilia will tell you that even before I solved it and thought I had lost it it's okay this is what Hashem wants that's the plan frustrating it's annoying I'll have to rely on colleagues who are in the same conversation to find the thing that we spoke about three years ago off to rely on family if they still have the picture or video that I think I remember when we were somewhere together but okay that okay that's it so if you wait until you're frustrated you're anxious you're angry you're resentful you're panicked and then you're like oh let me work on emuna which is when I get the phone call you know rabbis get the phone call when I'm going through a crisis catastrophe Rabbi I need to meet with you I don't make sense of this where is God why is this happening how do I get through it where do I get thee now you could work on a Muna your whole life and some crises are so big that you still feel that way I'm not judging at all anyone who struggles with faith even if they've been working on faith their whole life khalilah I'm not judging that whatsoever but I'm saying if you've never worked out on it at all then you'll be in trouble then you'll be in trouble it was uh I don't remember if I ever told you this story in this context there was someone in our shul who had a massive heart attack and I went to the hospital to visit him and I'm in the middle of visiting him and he says to me you know Rabbi and saved my life and I thought the first I thought so sweet you know the negunim and shlama's sweetness and his love and the fact that Community that he dabbined with and maybe they visited him and that's so sweet that the karbachmanin saved his life that's so sweet he said to me no no you don't understand he said when I started going to the Karbach minion and everyone's hopping and bopping and dancing clapping and I couldn't keep up I was winded I was out of breath but every Friday night I wanted a piece of that I wanted to dance in the circle I wanted to bang on bhima I wanted to know what it was like to get so lost in the davening but I couldn't keep up I was so out of shape I was so winded that I started to work out and because I started to work out the doctor said when I heard the heart attack if I was in the condition I had been in three months ago I never would have survived I would have died so it's only because of the karma minion that had got me for three months starting to work out that my heart was in a position that when I had the heart attack that's the only reason that I survived that's the only reason that I made it so he said the Karbach minion Saved My Life The Happy clappy minion saved my life says if you're waiting for the crisis every one of us will have a roller coaster and I give you a bracha the biggest crisis should be that your WhatsApp didn't back up that should be the biggest crisis in any of our lives but there are real and significant and irreversible and devastating catastrophic crises that go on in people's lives and if we wait for that moment that confrontation and we don't have a foundation of the Moon of faith and we're first looking to find Hashem we're going to be in big trouble we may not survive our heart may not make it last night participated we have to record it but participated oh well I've done a conversation on uh pregnancy loss miscarriage stillbirth I told you about the last one we did a couple months ago there were so many questions there was a part two there was a follow-up so last night was the follow-up was part two and and we were talking in part two last night about how important that is in our own experience of the stillbirth all those years ago the role that emuna played and feeling that this was from above they never found out why even a chromosomal analysis and and the anatomy they never understood why it happened which even though that was frustrating but for us that also gave his because we couldn't explain it naturally we had absolutely no choice but to find Hashem in it to assume somehow it was his will we don't know why we don't wish it we don't want it but it was his will so we're talking about the role of amuna when you go through a difficult time the role of the Moon and how you cannot survive if you believe that you're just a victim of Randomness you're just a statistic anomaly just somebody had to have it and you know the wheel spun and it landed on you that's when I don't know how you get through it I don't know how anyone gets through anything unless they can feel there's something bigger and someone bigger and a bigger picture and a bigger reason and a bigger purpose but if you weigh wait to find him till that moment you'll be in trouble so in part one of this OA webinar you have had made the point of how amazing her doctor was when we went through this and that people when they find a doctor should include in caring about the doctor's competency and skill set their bedside manner you don't hope to ever need them when you'll be in a crisis but you know you don't only want somebody well they're brilliant and they're an expert and they have five ratings Stars online and even though they have no bedside manner they're cold as ice they're harsh and insensitive but what do I care I'll never need that I just need them to read the X-ray or give me the lab reporter you know you don't know when you may need them find someone that if you would need them that's who you'd want in the war room with you she made that point in part one in part two we made the point with emuna and that's what gamil is saying here you can't wait to be more aware and to be mahasik you can't wait to discover and to awaken and to strengthen your amuna when you'll need it you can't wait till when you'll need it it'll it'll be too late if a person is out of shape and they have a massive heart attack you can't just start to get in shape then your heart may not survive depending on how big a shock the heart receives and similarly spiritually our spiritual heart gets shocked it gets trauma in this world and we need to be in spiritual shape so that if or when we experience that trauma we'll be able to endure it we'll be able to get through it okay let's continue page I am bassos did I mention last time the hot spot analogy Wi-Fi and hotspot I don't think I mentioned it last time so what happens if you're struggling I think that's where we left off as I kept saying I'm gonna talk about it what happens if you're struggling you're not there so you say it's not a matter of I have a Muna so I won't have to awaken arouse it I won't have to strengthen it but you say I'm struggling I come to the amunisher I read the amount of books I signed up for amuna what's happening emails and amuna newsletters and still I'm just not feeling him so what do you do then what do you do then I I don't remember if I mentioned that you'll excuse me if I did but you don't remember either so it's fine so if you're ever in a place that has no you have no internet connection but there's someone who does what do you do you say but I want to feel connected I want to be connected I need to download and upload and text and connect I need access I need to be connected but what do you do you've had that go back to the now you're away with your family and your kids are panicked I have no bars anyone have bars does anyone have connection I have no connection anyone have connection you're on ATT you're on Sprint to us connection you're on T-Mobile and then one person says yeah I have connection I have a good connection what does everybody say to that person turn your phone into a hot spot what's a hot spot and if you know what a hot spot is you can make your phone a hot spot that other people can connect to your phone and connect to the internet through your phone your phone becomes a router your phone becomes a modem you could turn your phone into a hotspot so others can connect through your through your phone so people don't have a connection but they desperately want to be connected and they're trying but they don't if you've ever been to a national park you've ever been to a beautiful exotic location you'll see the people instead of enjoying their hike they're like standing on the edge of a cliff or on top of a mountain and they're holding the phone in the air I got half a bar I got half a bar it's like someone quick check the stock market what's it doing today everybody's panicked because they're not connected then one person has connection turn it into a hotspot turn into give me the password turn into a hot spot let me connect through you let me connect through you so sometimes with a Muna we're struggling to connect we're struggling we don't have a bar too we don't have half a bar we have no connection no connection and by the way it just occurred to me you know what it says on my phone when I have no connection SOS does that come up on the top of your phone with no connection SOS because if you have no connection you're in your SOS it's an SOS it's an emergency situation when you have no connection not when you have no connection with your phone when you have no connection with Hashem it's an SOS situation anyway so if you have no connection spiritually you have no connection with someone find somebody who's connected find somebody find a Survivor find somebody who has tremendous amuna find somebody who lives with faith and use them as a hot spot connect to them attach yourself to them ask them why they feel this way how this way feels just connect to their energy they'll lift you with their energy you'll connect they'll become your hot spot through their energy find that person hang out with that person talk to that person confide in that person connect through their energy through their hot spot okay we fulfill that Hashem gives us are a gift from above Allah many people mistakenly go through life thinking we've done a generous good thing for Hashem I did Mitzvah you go happy you're happy woke up early at Daven shock are you happy I said tell them you're happy I sat in the sucker it was how does any thing you happy I was careful the only kosher I did it for you I took it for the team I self-sacrifice I gave in for you I gave in for you but it's a mistake it's a huge mistake says you think you're doing something you think you're doing a favor for me that's like the child who says I did the math home are you happy I finished I'm done you're happy I'm done with math I did it for you I did the math homework you happy I finished the report say honey sweetie you didn't do that for me you did that for you so you could add two numbers together you did that for you so you'll become an adult and mature I finished reviewing the mission of the attack you're happy I saw you for the test sweetie you didn't clean your room for me you didn't brush your teeth from me you didn't study the math for me you did it for you when I'm after you and I child I'm holding you accountable and you're responsible and I'm supervising you and I'm telling you what's expected of you it's not for me you're not doing a favor for me it's for you it's for you looks down he says 613 things I have that will enhance your life that will enrich your life that will make your life incredible that will give you the highest speed connection to me they're not for me Hashem says they're for you so when you put the check next to them don't think you did me a favor you didn't do it for me you did it to enhance your life so every decision every Behavior everything we do every day we have to ask ourselves what does Hashem want what will give Hashem In This Moment how will I get close to him through this decision where should we go on vacation where should my children go for school who should we have the Shabbos for a meal how should I spend the next hour I have some free time what should I watch should I watch listen to I'm in the car every decision human beings are decision making animals we make an incredible number of decisions every single day more than ever because the choices are more than ever just which salad dressing to get at the supermarket can be exhausting we have we suffer from psychologists say today something called decision fatigue which didn't exist in Antiquity how many decisions do you have to make to have you on the farm he fed the goats and the cows what decisions did he have to make shall I get the spicy tuna sushi or the Pokeball or should I stop and get the schwarm like which decision did he have to make and you went to uh know what's the what's the street down the South that is 400 restaurants on one street here and Surf Side you can have decision fatigue you go to that go out but maybe we should go there but I heard that one what if we're at the wrong one we need to try this one just go home let's just go home I need Cheerios and call it a day too exhausting too much stress too much doubt too much regret so people suffer from exhaustion from uh decision fatigue today because we have too many decisions to make in any day but the decision should all be informed and inspired by the question what does Hashem want what will give us I don't live for me I live for him I'm here on assignment I'm here on a mission what does he want from me now he wants it to be a balanced Mission even when you hear an assignment and here on a mission he wants you to sleep and eat and relax he wants you to play Majin or tennis or golf he wants you to enjoy Recreation you know the etymology of the word recreation is to recreate we need to recreate ourselves we need recreation in our lives we need to have fun that we need to laugh and we need to experience joy we need to have downtime and turn off those decisions and just be just be I enjoy tennis you know why tennis you know I enjoy tennis because when you're in the middle of a point the only thing you're thinking about is the ball coming back to you what you'll do with it you can't be thinking about the to-do list or the emails or who you have to call what you have to visit or what decision with your children or what all the decisions are put on hold because all you could think about or you'll lose the point don't bother playing if you're not going to win it's not the best attitude that's my attitude sorry if you're not going to try to win if you're not going to try to win but but that's why you're lost in that moment so we should live the same in life is there's only one variable that matters what will give us where does he want me to go what does he want me to be doing what what is what am I meant to be doing in this moment that's the decision not what will make me happy and give me joy make me satisfied we're living in the most prosperous time ever and we're living in the most depressed unhappy anxious time ever because the prosperity is not being used to serve him people are assuming and wanting the prosperity to serve themselves and when you live for yourself you end up depressed anxious and unhappy when you live to give and do and improve the world for others you find the best and the greatest happiness so each decision is what does he want me to do um is referred to is called Moshe my loyal servant but what is the Milo why is that a great praise Moshe my loyal slave Moshe my loyal servant what does that means and Avid a servant defines their identity with their Master their whole identity is intertwined with serving and satisfying and meeting the needs and being responsive to their master that is the edit to be an avid is to be submissive to be subservient is to surrender to one's Master that's what it means to be an avid Moshe is Moshe Abdi because Moshe had a wife and he had children and Moshe had a life but everything in his life was informed and inspired every decision was made by answering the question what does Hashem Want From Me In This Moment what does he want from me not others Hashem later in the day I'll encounter him at minha maybe I also say marav but in between it's all what I want what do I want for lunch where do I want to go what do I want to watch how do I want to live what do I want to buy where do I want to go on vacation what do I want it's not that we see Hashem at certain points in our day and in between it's all about us it's that Hashem is that background is the Ambiance he's the behind the scenes he's there he's that cloud in the positive sense over our entire day so he's with us he's in the car okay now we're going to this what'd you think how'd that go Hashem now we're off to the next thing oh our adventure Hashem you're strapped you put your seatbelt down let's go let's go to the next thing he's there all the time he's by our side before each difficult conversation and after with each Pleasant fun thing that we're grateful for we say thank you to him every difficult situation he's there he's by our side he's in our lives and therefore he's part of the consciousness of every decision that we make that's what it means aimless did not make any self-centered decision it was never about him now again I want to be clear we shouldn't feel guilty or beat ourselves up or try to live such a standard that we never enjoy can't ever take a day off when I read the judge fat significant day on the Chabad calendar so when I read the biographies of the Reba one of the biographies mentioned maybe all of them did the rabbit never took a day off from the day that he ascended to be the rebber he never took one day off not a day off not one day not one day so I told one of the authors of the biographies biography was fantastic was perfect I enjoyed it I loved it except that sentence I don't think he should have included it and the reason I told him I don't think he should have included it is because that makes each of us then carry a standard or ask ourselves should I feel guilty do I have to feel bad I need a day off do I have to feel bad I need an hour off do I have to feel guilty or beat myself up or be ashamed that I'm human he was superhuman he was out of the ordinary he was extraordinary by the way the rep is set every day the rabbit had tea with his wife and the rubber said that tea with his wife daily was as significant as meaningful and as important to him that he wouldn't miss as putting to philan on every day which is a very beautiful image because we know what philan means of the red villain aside from being one of the target mitzvos we know it's feeling meant to the Reba and he described that moment that time so he never took a day off but he needs to recharge his batteries and recreate by spending time with his rabbits and that tea with his rabbitsen was a Lifeline for him every day no less significant to him than putting on villain than putting on filling which is very beautiful but we need a day off so should we feel guilty or ashamed if we need a day off do we feel bad if we need a day off we shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed that we need a day off we shouldn't feel guilty or shame that we need a day off we're only human it's okay we're only human we're only human but why do we need a day off is it that we're regularly taking days off once in a while we spend the day on for him or is it that our lives are entirely on for him and when we take the day off it's so that we can come back bigger and better than ever for him there's nothing wrong with needing time off there's nothing wrong with it's all right someone's really trying to get through somebody will help somebody will help it's all right it's what's meant to be it's from above turn it off it's from above it's from Hashem so this is avram you need to slaughter you need to shaft your son doesn't say what do you mean how could you ask how dare you it can't be no I don't want to I'm not going to I need to think about it that's what they asked of me in this moment that's what I need to be doing this is my charge of my mission this is the test I need to rise to and this is what I need to do is just spent his entire life his entire career getting up on a soapbox taking out Billboards taking out ads on TV preaching and proselytizing against killing your own child and now Hashem is asking him to do exactly what he's been telling others not to do in every moment we have to ask ourselves if what's asked of Me In This Moment is joyous and fun and fantastic and great news should be endlessly grateful to Hashem thank you Hashem it was The Last of Us in this moment is to rise to an occasion of Challenge and difficulty even of loss of grief because I don't know why and I'm not happy and I'm going to protest and object and I got some big questions for you one day when I get upstairs but if this is my mission right now then this is what I have to do I have to rise to this moment I have no other choice this is my moment this is my mission is writing an article right now don't give the preview don't give it away it's a great article you'll have to wait it's her article about mine I'm not entitled to give you the preview but anyway that same amuna carries us through the good times and the bad times and it needs to animate the background of everything going on we shouldn't forget him when something happened happy happens you don't leave him out when the joyous thing occurs the talent has to be said with the same passion the same enthusiasm the same fervor when the thing worked out and you're saying thank you as it did when we have the talent Gathering the emergency telem or the extra tillum or the tell them what's up I've never seen a telemots app Group for for gratitude to tell them WhatsApp groups where people are rotating and they take on and they say and they finish tillem over and over and over again when there's a crisis when there's bad news when something went wrong I'm not maybe you have seen it to Hell on WhatsApp group something went right hey who wants to be in a telemos app Group it turned out the person recovered turns out the person was found turned out the person's all right turns out the person got engaged got married turns out the person had a baby who wants to be part of a Tillman's app Group to say thank you most people would be like no I don't have time I mean the other Taylor mots app groups we need to we need to be just as enthusiastic in our thank yous as we are in our desperate pleas and our cries for help they have to go together they have to be equal and one needs to carry Us in both directions and at both times and about there's no atheist in the Foxhole everybody's crying out and screaming to him when they think there's no one else in no way out other than him but how about when it works out how about when something amazing happens do we stop and do we say thank you at the same level of further and excitement to our great sorrow and sadness we're so far away from reaching this level to reach this level where every day every second every decision before you press send on every email well Hashem be proud of this email send is Hashem proud of this post on social media post as Hashem proud of this text message I've written back text says I'm proud of the phone call I'm about to make dial is Hashem proud of where I'm about to go drive that's the level that's the level we're trying to reach is that he's part of it all he's behind the background of it all now let's not pretend that we don't have this ever we do a little bit sometimes healthy sometimes unhealthy again in marriage there are people who say I can't go there if my wife if my husband found out I can't buy that thing they would be very unhappy don't if they knew I said don't I can't say this because they wouldn't want me to say this or repeat this like with the article they're about to write they wouldn't want me to the notion that we have a consciousness of someone that we care about and that therefore informs the decisions that we make we have we have in a healthy and in a good marriage there's a relationship with someone that their opinion and wanting them to be happy is a part of all the decisions that we make so we already have this precedent we already have the president we have the example we're already living in that way and what a moon is asking us to do is to live it with him too to live with that Hashem we're in a relationship I care about you and I love you and I'm indebted to you and I'm grateful to you and I feel your love all the time and because of that I don't want to make decisions other than to think about you would this make you happy would this make you proud would this give you nachas it's an incredibly high level of our door of Our Generation and he's writing Mr vamuna that this is a very difficult level he's writing it so be comforted to know this is a very high level don't beat yourself up or feel bad or ashamed or guilty or not bothered trying because you say this is never a level I can get to but this is our aspiration this is our goal this is what we want to achieve to get to that place where the Consciousness and the mindfulness that we're in a relationship with Hashem is just as real and palpable and tangible as the fact that I'm married or I'm my parents I have children that consideration of hashem's opinion and wanting to give him nachos and make him happy is as important to me in my decisions and my speech and my behavior as it is an awareness that I I want my wife first husband to be happy I wouldn't want to disappoint them is bemoaning that this is a a plague an epidemic in our time of hidden of Jews who are going through the motions of yiddishkite who are doing everything right on the outside all that's missing to quote of Weinberger from the other night all that's missing is themselves they're doing everything group check mitzvah's check check check check check check check they have done everything all that's missing is themselves all that's missing is you if you didn't listen yet you should listen to a Weinberger from the other night and he comes energy in that room the music the dancing his words it carries me an entire year I'm already waiting for next year's if I bring him with her Weinberger next year's Tish next year's time with him that we're together it's unbelievable if you weren't there you should come next year but it's not too late you could still watch it and his words and he applied it both to our relationship with Hashem but then he applied it also with our families he told an unbelievable story of his father and his father and uh went viral since then that clip have probably been sent but it's been everywhere it's worthwhile watching the entire thing it's worthwhile watching that story and that clip but that's that's what he spoke about to be present to be there to be invested not just I'm here but all of me is here not I'm here but I'm on my phone scrolling or posting or texting or looking I'm here vakul Khan all of me is here with you I'm Noche I'm fully present I'm fully opposite I'm fully here I'm with you I'm with you my brother-in-law and Yemen suggested maybe that's what it means when Yitzhak was dominating for rifco when they didn't have a child but he was telling Rifka is I'm not worried about me Hashem promised he's going to have children it's good to go because Hashem through him he's going to be fine but rifkas panicked she's struggling with fertility so Yitzhak is he says I'm here I'm not distracted I'm not going anywhere I'm fully here I'm fully invested you have all of me you have all of me he's in that moment Hashem calls Moshe so all that's missing you have everything all that's missing is you it's the spouse one anniversary the spouse here's a card here's flowers here's chocolates here's a gifted jewelry I wrote on Facebook how amazing you are it's all I've done everything this past and you're right on the way out the door to hang out with the Buddies we're totally emotionally detached and feeling no affection or connection check check check check check I gave you everything you're supposed to give on an annivers I remember it was the anniversary I remember I gave you everything as a Carter's chocolate it's flowers I posted I told the whole world you're the greatest spouse ever check check check check I did everything the wife says thank you you gave me everything except the most important thing you didn't give me you you didn't give me you three bonus says check check check it's the check yet the Yiddish kind of check marks check check but did you give me you you are you are you fully present are you there are you invested you are you you forget we tend to forget him because Hashem says I understand you remembered me when you lit the candles you remembered me when you said the chakras to tell them but did you remember me when you were at the supermarket and you saw the price of mayonnaise did you remember me did you remember me when you got stuck in traffic did you remember me when you lost it and your WhatsApp was wiped out did you remember me when the more difficult circumstances were you with me was I know was I in the room was I in the car was I in the in the boardroom operating room negotiating room says I want to be there I want to be in a relationship and just like we won't do or say the things that you know the person who cares about would be disappointed and if you did or said don't do or say the things because if you care about me that I'd be disappointed in either once wanted to make a great convention and assembly in order to strengthen people on religion [Music] he has to get ready to come along now the only one who could give the Eminem is when he told them the reason he couldn't be there and he said I don't know your reason and I don't know if it's legitimate but all I ask you is to wonder and ask yourself will the basement upstairs will they find it legitimate if you think upstairs they'll accept your excuses legitimate it's good by me but if upstairs when we're making an asifa to strengthen the Jewish people religion Faith your excuse why you can't make it if it won't pass mustard upstairs then it's not good down here because heard that he immediately put on his coat and he ran out to go attend and participate in the in the asifa in the asifa that's what now is quick to add in the bracket what do you think the emery Emma's wanted to sipina colada by the poolside under the under the palm trees in Poland no that's what the emery Amis was Gary now the miramus was not looking for an excuse he was busy playing wordles so he couldn't go strengthen uh that is not why the imams wasn't going he had a legitimate excuse but sometimes we can rationalize and make an excuse that's legitimate more legitimate than it is maybe the thing that was legitimate that he had to do but he could have done both maybe he could have handed it off and someone else can do when you consider when the husband when the way that we calculate when the metric we use to calculate what we should do is not what feels good for us but what would make him proud will come to different conclusions so that's the tool that's the instrument that we have to use the tool in the instrument to measure Our Lives is not what do I want what do I need what will make me happy in this moment but what can I do for him not for him that I'm sacrificing for him but what would give him Pride any more then right if I don't say that thing or go that place or buy that thing because it wouldn't make my wife happy I'm not well I'm sacrificing for her it's that I'm in a relationship and I care about the other person and the relationship is enriched and enhanced when I care about what the other person wants that's why I'm doing it the same is true with Hashem I love him I know he loves me I'm in a relationship and I care and because I care it's part of the husband of what he wants from me in that moment I'll pick up amrits Hashem next time until next time stay happy stay healthy and stay holy