Living With Emunah (Part 246) - Abba Don't Give Up on Us

good morning poker tour welcome back to living with amuna our weekly amuna support group i want to thank our generous serious sponsors for the year dr zavi and bella morgan a member of rabbi dr brian gabban in memory of bella's mother dr ellen shanzer as well we're remain very very grateful for their generosity this morning shear is also sponsored by michelle marty weingarten in honor of their parents dr alexander and meryl warringgarten by the house their and tenenbaum families in memory of their father shimon horn on his first yard site and the shaman should have an aliyah and they should find comfort and strength and for their full shell and happy birthday arya may this year be filled with only good health and happiness and lastly by our dear members avi and dvorah orland in memory of their daughter miriam esther bass of ram yitzhak and aliyah and they should continue to find comfort and strength as well we are in beyond we have been learning we remain in the volume on pesach not because we're confused or in denial of the calendar although we are a little bit of that too but because of the beautiful essay we've been making our way through on the notion of highs and lows in avodah's hashem how do you connect with hashem not only in a moment of high not only when you see that great sunrise or sunset not only when you walk out of that kumsits or that fabrengan not only when you have that miracle or you're present for that birth of a baby a child not only in those moments where hashem is visible and accessible and obvious and his presence is felt but be making us when you feel distant and far away and small when you feel in crisis or when you feel abandoned or when you feel alone or you wonder where he is how do you connect how do we connect with him even those moments we've spoken at length about why why did he create a world in which that is a necessary part of that cycle where our spiritual ekg has those ups and downs why can't it be linear why can't we just climb that ladder and just stand on that rung and just take it in why is it it's a ramp where gravity is constantly trying to pull us down the ramp rather than a ladder we wish it were a rung on a ladder we could just take a step up and hang out there for a while and when it moves us we'll take another step up and we'll hang out there for a while why is life like a ramp not a ladder that we're sliding down and that's part of the very creation of the world first of all man is meant man i mean generically man a room full of women man is meant to struggle man is meant we are challenged to work to toil it's not meant to come easy that's like saying why can't i just go to the gym and i'll just sit on the bench of the machine and not actually have to exert myself right right and i'll lose 10 pounds or gain 10 pounds of muscle get stronger healthier my joints work better why can't i just sit on that bench why can't i just walk in the gym and through osmosis i'll walk out and i'll look ripped but i don't actually have to lift a weight i don't actually have to break a sweat i don't actually have to the answer is because what makes us grow is when we're challenged that is what precipitates it's the catalyst for that growth spurt i think there's a whole muscle of the it's not a muscle it's real but it's a muscle in terms of us that the oyster gives birth to the pearl only when it's agitated something about the oyster and the pearl you can google it later something about when it's agitated don't google it later because then you'll think about pearls and then i'll be in big trouble with the husband or whoever else so don't google it later don't google pearls later but it's when we are challenged it's when we're agitated it's when we struggle that we really discover who we are what we're capable of that we get authentic growth spurt and um in that back to that gym muscle the reason working out works is you're actually creating micro tears in your muscle and the muscle grows in and grows bigger so in working out and challenging your muscle you're actually tearing and shredding the muscle for it to grow and sometimes life shreds our amuna it rips and creates not micro tears but enormous tears in our amuna but it's in those spaces in the micro rip and the micro tear of aramuna it's in that space that it can grow and it can fill in and it can fill out and that our amuna as a result is even bigger so how do we do that what's our avodah the what is our avodah what are we meant to do in these days how do we break through this is particularly relevant every year including this year i get people who say to me and i won't lie to you some years i say to myself uh oh we are a couple days from rosh hashanah and i don't feel it i don't feel it and i don't feel anything i'm struggling to keep my head above water it's the beginning of the school year there's a lot going on and sure life every one of us in our own lives are drowning or suffocating or whatever whatever a word we want to use to describe how we feel and there's almost nothing left for that learning reading preparing volunteering davening to hellum hesmodes whatever we normally do that puts us in that mood and gets us in that space you're here you've come to a sheer that's an enormous step people say i'm gonna and ello i wanna show up i'm gonna come i wanna be challenged i wanna think i wanna learn so what do you do the clock is ticking sunday night rumor has it rosh hashanah sunday night um as i said denial is not just a place in egypt it's right here right here uh right here on montoya circle too so uh i'm in denial personally but apparently rumor has it it's it's on sunday night so what do you do you're going to wake up sunday still one more shabbos to relax and chill wake up sunday and say yo i'm coming before the judge coming before the king of kings am i ready my article this week is about the king's coronation king charles as a metaphor as a martial lahav de la have de la havdal for the coronation where none of us are invited to i don't know if anyone here was invited to charles carnation i don't think the invitations are out it's not going to be for about a year apparently not for like a year available has to end before they can uh make the simcha but uh yeah no that's the din that's that's like that's the minute that's the end the availas i don't know if anyone here is going to be invited i don't expect to be but there's another carnation a much greater and more prestigious the king of kings happening on on monday and tuesday and what can we learn from one for the other how do we prepare for the king's coronation we're coming to the king's core nation are we ready in our mindset do we have what we need is our clothing clean and pressed and are we ready to look our regal royal selves there's the king marshall we're also coming before the judge monday tuesday it's going to launch and kick off a 10-day period of evaluation of reflection not not the past but the present we spoke about that in the last woman's share on a shabbos morning that god doesn't judge us for our past even though that sounds strange everyone thinks rosh hashanah is were you a good boy or a good girl this year that's not what hashem is we can't change the past so how could we be responsible for it all we can change is our present so the past is only relevant how it informs our present but what matters is who are we in that moment which makes this question all the more pressing if in this moment i feel disconnected and down and out not really here and not really invested and not really into it uh-oh because this is the moment i'm being evaluated on let's say when hashem six months ago i was at this kum since it was unbelievable i was singing at the top of my lungs hashem four months ago maya moon i was talking about you all the time i felt your presence i was like the queen of amuna krishnamoku says it's nice but that was four months ago that was six months ago what does that have to do with right now what does that have to do with right now that's like your spouse says to you i know that i'm not really checked in i'm not really connected i'm not really making time we're not really communicating i'm not really active listening i'm not really sharing remember eight months ago what an unbelievable husband i was remember eight months ago the flowers and the chocolates and the time that we spent and the romance and how good i was at listening you said yeah that's nice we'll give you a couple stars for eight months ago but but right now i'm in a relationship with you right now right now is what matters right now is what counts so we're going to come before the judge and he's not going to hold us accountable for the past he's going to take a look at us and say okay who are you right now are you nostalgic for your mistakes in the past are you proud of them nostalgic for them do you do you savor them or have you moved on from them have you grown from them have you learned from them or you pledge and promising not to repeat them not the past but right now who are you right now tonight i'm behind the bema we have judge dan butler from pittsburgh he was an extraordinary extraordinary person he lost a son of 24 years old he has two autistic adult children who live with him and he's the happiest most positive most amazing person he's uh very very special he and his wife are incredible people and he's a judge so we'll talk to him about give us some tips how you come before the judge from one judge lehavdil mohavdal prepare us for coming before another judge we're coming before we're coming before another judge so will we be ready you can't come before the judge and be like i forgot to shave i know i'm wearing like you know rags i know i'm not presenting my best self to you judge i know i don't look like i have remorse i know i don't look like i want to be my best self but you should know that three weeks ago i felt really bad three weeks ago i looked i had it together the judge says but you're in my courtroom right now today is your trial date today is when you're here and that's when i need you to have it together now is when i need you to put forward your best self now is when i need you to make a compelling argument for why i should believe in you that that who the one who did that is not who you are right now now so how do we get to that place how do we get to that place because that's what matters paige kofsamakimo 163. so last week we got stuck on those two words i'm going to try not to again last week we said that sentence and then we got stuck the rest of this year on those two words we never got past it on the first step being the serious nephesh remember because then i broke in the whole thing about love is giving not getting so love is a verb not an adjective when you give you love not when you get so if you want to love god start giving to him you will love your spouse when you give to them you love your children when you go back to giving to them very paradoxically very counterintuitively if you fall out of love start giving start doing and you'll fall in love because love is the result of giving not getting so if you have fallen out of love with hashem if you've fallen out probably you're still in love with hashem you've fallen out of like with hashem because there are many including some people in marriage who loved their spouse but stopped liking them a long time ago if you've fallen out of like with us i'm not love and you want to renew it and restore it and reinvigorate it and you want to create a spark to it then start giving messiest nephesh mysterious nefish when you feel like doing it it's no big deal then you're not doing it for him you're doing it for you but when we don't feel like doing it start giving start giving and how do we give to hashem how do you give a gift to someone who has everything hashem is the source of everything he has everything what gift do you get god it's very simple you know the gift you give god is you your heart that's what you give him he doesn't need anything physical material financial although when we give stucco we're also showing him monsirus nephesh we're showing him we are prioritizing his other children that we care we have this incredible market yesterday we're doing it again today spent tens of thousands of dollars and all the food yesterday was was picked up to make available to jews of south florida pay what you want market at brs yantov is expensive people can't afford it i know the struggles particularly the economy and inflation we did it before pesach and we did it again now thanks to generous donors we made available an incredible market of an incredible array of foods and we said take whatever you want there's a little box put in whatever you want put in whatever you want take 100 of food and put in one dollar take hundred dollars of food and put a hundred dollars nobody's looking nobody's asking do what you want and barack hashem medic clearly met a need because all the food was taken we're gonna do it again today i share that with you because we could still use more help if you'd like to contribute towards it but um also because because i'm proud that in this time of the year chuba twilo taka what's the idea of stock is hashem you have children i have siblings who are hungry i'm going to be most her nephesh because i'm going to dig deep in my pocket to make sure that i don't only have what to eat for myself it's not that i have my roast and wine for yamtif and my silver honey dish i want to make sure everybody has honey and something to eat for for yantef and that's the mysteriousness of stucca but we can be most enough it's the greatest and seriousness we give hashem is when we give him our heart we say i'm in i'm in i don't feel like being in but i'm in i'm in i'm putting my heart into this that's number one i'm trying not to get distracted by it again commercial customers tells us you will search me from there for god and you will find them where's sham where's there where's there so mesham is there is even when you are on the descent even when you are on decline even when you feel distant even when you feel far away sham sham is over there po is right here so it's not me po you'll be searching for god right next to him like you're in it you're looking for him you're looking for god in the middle of the ila while while a thousand people are singing and the walls are reverberating that's that's poe that's like here and now shum is even when you feel i'm shum i'm far away my head is far away my heart is far away my soul is far away i'm somewhere else i might be here ashamed i'm here i'm turning the pages i'm turning the pages of the monster but i'm shum i'm shum i'm already at lunch i'm already in the middle of the nap i'm already posted russia shut up i'm already post circus i'm shum let's get this over with because i'm shum i'm not here i'm somewhere far away so torah promises us but if you look and you search even from if you become determined and you say you know what i'm not i'm not really present i'm not really feeling it i'm not really energized but even from a place of sham uvikashtem become determined but i'm looking i want to i want to want to then um you're going to find him you could find him even from a place of sham even from a place of sham kinae ash adam if a person knows that even though right now there is this incredible rhythm and roller coaster of life there are moments hashem is obvious and clear right in front of me and there are moments that where is he is he here but even in those moments that where is he and why is he doing this that even then the ms and truth who ninsa et is really with me to realize that hashem's even with you next to the hospital bed hashem has been with you in that shiva chair hashem is even with you in that negative result on a pregnancy test hashem is even with you on a shirt that fell through that hashem is even with you when you go into overdraft on your bank account that even in those places where you wonder where and how and why that he's always with me but there's a big risk and a big danger in that moment it's so easy to slip and to slide further away so in that very pivotal moment at that crossroads that could go either way a yet a jew has to scream out abba atahare khaniti i know you're here with me i know you're with me in this doctor's office i know you're with me next to this hospital bed i know you're with me through this crisis i know you're with me in this struggle don't abandon me don't leave me because you're all i have left i don't know how else i will come out of this i don't know how else i will endure this don't let me slide or slip don't let me fall further from you i don't want to live without you it's a last-ditch effort it's a it's a call it's a scream it's a desire it's a desire to reconcile i see this all the time and i'm sorry i always give the same metaphors believe it or not i get emails about this too about health and wellness and diet or marriage and i give metaphors based on what you know about life and counseling and the real world and people i encounter so sorry i'm not sorry about that but so in marriage you see this all the time a marriage which is in the icu a relationship which is in the icu it's lost its romance it's lost its energy and people have grown apart and whatever friction might even be there maybe there's a a violation of trust something that happened but but before they call it quits and before it gets to the point of no return one or both say you know what i want to fight for this i want to fight for this don't don't leave me i'm not leaving you we're gonna we're gonna figure this out and i want to fight for this and i want to grow old together and i can't imagine life without you in it and i don't want to walk down our children's aisle without you on the other side we're going to do this we're going to figure this out we're going to figure this out and that's that pivotal moment where the future of that marriage is determined because if both are checked out and indifferent or apathetic it's over but if one or both say this is worth fighting for i don't feel it i'm not going to pretend i do right now i don't exactly know how but i know it's what i want and i know we're going to get there and i know it's worth fighting for so vicious telling us that in our marriage because our relationship with hashem is a marriage supposed to be romantic and loving and intimate in courtship communication and time and affection it's supposed to be all the ingredients of marriage and in that marriage even when we don't feel it to cry out and to say don't leave me don't abandon me i want to fight for this it's worth it i can't imagine life without you i need you i need you. in that small place in that fragile place daft in that vulnerable place is where you can realize i need him the most so even though i feel him the least but right now i need him the most and how could i possibly do this without him so it's worth fighting for i don't know how i'll get him back i don't know how i'll transform this feeling but it's worth fighting for i've shared before martin judivis although shalom was first yard site we just observed who was a pillar of our community designed zahabi our shul and the holocaust memorial outside a survivor his autobiography is extraordinary it was a very very very special person so i interviewed him on yomashawa and in that conversation asked him how did you maintain your faith you've lost your parents your siblings you've lost everything everyone and and here he was every day at shul and davening and a tremendous person and and he wrote a safer on shas and he were to safer on he was an unbelievable person how how did you maintain your faith after everything how and i'll never forget what he said and it's worth watching you can find it online because without pause without hesitation he said he said i had lost my mother and father i had one father left one parent left should i lose him too the only way that i would survive having lost my parents was only if i kept the other parent i had left my father in heaven i should lose him too he didn't pause he didn't hesitate he didn't prepare i didn't give him that question in advance and he said oh what would sound good what would make me look good what would make goldberg talk about me a year after i leave this world he just legitimately authentically as purely as his soul was he answered and he said how could i have survived if i left him too i needed him i'm sure it was a complicated rocky relationship after the war but he understood what am i going to leave him i need him it's in that moment of our lowest darkest place it's the moment of our biggest most vulnerable and fragile that we need him the most that we have to lean in and a person realizes you know i thought i had it going on i thought i can control my life and my destiny turn the page clips on mcdonald i thought i was in charge i thought i was in control i thought i was the arbiter of my destiny i thought i was in charge of this business or my family's health i thought i could dictate everything that happens but now i'm in a place that i realize i can't i'm in a place that i realize and relinquish control that i submit and i surrender that i concede god it's in your hands i was wrestling with you my whole life you and i had a power struggle my whole life i always thought it was me i knew you also have some of the control but it was a power struggle who's driving the car who's driving the bus we were wrestling for the last whatever years but now that i'm in this place that i didn't know how to not get into and i don't know how to emerge from now i i'm it's yours i submit i surrender i concede i concede that you're the one who has the keys to it for shelema you and you alone are the one who can give a recovery a miraculous recovery only you only you if you look at statistics and data and a person is a realist when a loved one is in crisis you give up i love doctors but if you listen to the doctors only then it's then it's over then it's over you you have to believe now i'm not saying in som i'm not saying you should believe in something that is impossible in the world of science and medicine that's foolish and it's a false promise and it's asking for a revealed miracle and we don't do that but i'm talking as long as there is a chance then then focus on the chance not the odds so it's daft when we're knocked down and it's daftko when the world flashes its data and statistics in front of us that we say hashem i thought i was in charge i thought i was in control i'm not you are i submit i surrender to you and now i need you and now i need you to do is i need you at every moment the kamashiro from that place of vulnerability and fragility from that place of realizing i don't know how i got here and i didn't know how to avoid it and i know i need you that you realize how desperate a moment it is i better not fall further away because the only way to climb out is with you and through you um therefore a person stands up and screams out tesgala eli avi reveal yourself to me my father. i can't be far away from you i can't i can't live this way i can't survive this way. what we're going to say what we're saying now in slikhous and we're going to be saying all the way through don't cast me away don't throw me away don't give up on me hashem i'm not giving up on you let's not give up on each other let's not give up this relationship is worth fighting for i want it i want to want it i'm calling you i'm reaching out to you don't give up on me don't cast me away don't walk away i feel is and even if an era of rosh hashanah we're in a very small place the harbor palm and kishodhan katniss when you're in a place of being small you think i don't deserve it i'm not worthy it's not coming to me but you can still even in that place say i'm throwing myself on you i'm casting my lot in you shane libre there is no other choice am i going to listen to the doctors their odds their statistics what other choice do i have what other choice do i have ain't i have no life you are the essence of life you are the source of life you are the force of life i have nothing but you can yodel rosh and katance i am a nothing a gurnished i have nothing and i am nothing without you i need you i need you so again here he's talking about spherus omer it's a whole other orientation but i think it very much applies to the period that we're in and i think he would agree because he references but advice number number one was mysterious nephesh you're not feeling it good go out and give do for god go out and do you don't feel like doing go do because with the eating comes the appetite with the doing comes the love with the giving comes to love give to god and you'll love him you're going to revive that energy and that connection when you give to god even if it's uncomfortable and convenient you don't feel like it number two is fila number two is fila there are people who did things this past year who behaved in ways that they are filled with incredible shame and guilt there are people struggling with behaviors addictions patterns that they are filled with incredible shame and guilt there are people who hurt others or failed others or violated others there are people who hurt or failed only god their people who this will talk about in sha bashuva failed and hurt and violated themselves themselves they could be their their potential their expectations or their promises they made to themselves people feel how could i come mond sunday night monday tuesday how could i come la roy valomagili i'm not worthy i'm going to come i'm going to get dressed up i'm going to say these words i'm going to sing these songs i'm going to put on the smile i'm going to listen to the chauffeur if you only knew what i did what i'm doing what i struggle with if you only knew my patterns of behavior if you only knew if you only knew i'm not roy and it's not mcgealy so richard meyer is saying is that person should davika come to shul and maybe before they come to shul or actual or come early to shul suggestion number two is this most heartfelt fila this prayer from the deepest recesses of our heart that says hashem i feel totally unworthy judge i have no excuse i have no explanation i am unworthy but judge here's the thing you're also my father so mitad being a judge there's a strict justice there's a there's a law there's consequences and you're the judge and maybe on the books i'm undeserving i'm unworthy i don't even have a right to appear here and really you should throw the book at me but it happens to be that you're not only the judge or also my abba so abba i need you and don't go anywhere and help me even in this small place not feel small help me believe in us right a father a judge if you're a repeat offender and he's been patient over and over again and you keep violating they're going to throw the book at you but a parent that child can come the four millionth time they've done the same wrong thing and when they collapse and say i want to stop doing this and i'm so ashamed and i feel so bad you just put your arms around them now you just hold them tight and just tell them to be okay and you just say we're going to get through this together there's a lot of work that needs to get done but it's going to be okay so before rosh hashanah you could come to the bonus room and say not only judge judge abraham but also you're my abba you're my tattoo you're my father daddy i'm ashamed and i'm embarrassed and i'm racked with guilt and i feel far away from you because you've tried to help and i've pushed you away and so i don't feel you in my life but now i need you now i need you help me help me restore this relationship help me be open to your influence help me feel close to you and help me fill your presence and help me become who i could be that's it's fila that's a tefila it's such a mistake that people on rosh hashanah yom kippur and every day of the year i preach this all the time but that people only dive in from the sitter of the moxler it's one of the tragedies of jewish life that people live 70 80 100 years and they only ever davened from a sitter or a mox or earthquake they never spoke to god outside of it the sinner and the max of the tahilam they're the lowest level of davening they're what we're put in place to make sure we do something even when we don't feel like it but the the lowest level the highest level is when you talk to him outside the city outside the max outside the tahill when you talk to him like this heartfelt feeling that we're describing daddy abba i've pushed you away i haven't felt just talk he spoke to this on the beach the other night but it doesn't have to be on the beach and tafka you don't have to do it together that's why it's called dispose of this but in the kitchen or in your car or in bed or getting dressed or whatever you're doing just talk to him just talk to him based on where you're at you could be talking to him flying high i feel so close to you thank you for everything unbelievable every day i try to talk to him i'm not great at this and i don't do it for a long time i'm not going to pretend i do and maybe i do it selfishly every day whatever i got on tap let this work out well please hashtag many help with that please this child is going through this please this person i met with there's a lot of struggles it's very dusty in here there's a lot of people going through a lot of stuff if you're not and if you're like i don't know what i'm going to dive in for this rosh hashanah thank you like i don't know thank god everything's good everyone's healthy everyone's whatever i guess i'll dive in for the wi-fi in my house is slow or the kiddish at the shul is just like cake and whatever i also say this every year if you're not dominating for something big on rosh hashanah in your life then diving like crazy with gratitude and with fear that it should just stay that way to a degree of the most of the oven for because you don't want the other shoe to drop what happens is about gratitude and feeling good and you kind of feel it's difficult for you to say that to yourself because you give yourself a kiss i think it's the opposite that's a great it's a great question it's a great question what happens if you're trying to go through your gratitude list and by doing so you're basically saying you're giving yourself an eye in here is there such a thing so i think it's the exact opposite same people who believe in an eye and are usually believe in a school so i'll give you a schoola against the ayan hara the schoola the the the thing you can do to offset the iron hara is gratitude that is the number one thing that you can do so if you if you hang a banner outside your house look at everything going right for me you get an eye in hara by the way you're laughing at me when i give that muscle you hang a banner outside your house there are many many millions of people who do that every day they just do it on their wall instead of their house facebook or twitter or instagram or tick tock and and it's literally it's called you have a facebook wall and it's it's i'm hanging a banner on my wall of everything going right for me and now you're welcoming an eye in hara now you're welcoming the world to say oh yeah that person's deserving all that goodness so the biggest way to fight an iron hara first of all is humility and modesty and keep it close you don't have to share the whole world doesn't have to see your kids on their first day of school you want to print it out pictures and walk to all your neighbors and hand it out the picture i'm not knocking anyone who did it i don't mean to embarrass anyone i'm just saying it's one thing to put that on the family what's app group let's all share nachas in our children on the first day of school it's another on our wall where the neighbor who doesn't have children now has to walk by your house and your wall these are my kids kaninahara on the first day of school that's an inr it's one thing to do it to your family all the grandparents and cousins let's all share pictures of each other the first day of school i think we always did that and i think that's normal but on our wall literal or virtual for the neighbor who has no children to see that's an inherent but the biggest way to offset the iron hara is is by being grateful is by being grateful so when you and your own mind and that's what i i started to say we're going to end with this before i just turn into a total puddle is um is is that fila every day to talk to hashem throughout the day here's what's going on i need your help with let the speech come out well let that share let this article let the shabbat shoot with russia let this help of that person that guidance let this from my children my family we all have that we forget usually the second half part so i've tried to develop the habit every day of before i do that to say thank you last night the the schmooze worked out well invocations are that okay that meeting went well thank you hashem we tend to ask him before we tend to forget afterwards to thank him when it went well to tell him how it went we forget to check in after the fact you know you got to check in after the fact too i just saw a story from lichtenstein's that cell that one of his grandchildren her children was rushed to the hospital in desperate situation the whole family gathered they were all stealing to heal him outside of the hospital room there was a emergency surgery i'm not sure i'm getting all the details right and they were all saying heart felt to help him you could imagine it was a tremendous tadak he's pouring his heart into the tail and the doctor came out and said the surgery went well he's going to be okay everything's fine everybody closed it to hell i'm high-fiving hugging joyce and lucas like didn't miss a beat kept going so one of his children went over to him and said did didn't you hear the doctor did you hear what he said everything's going to be fine this is a dream well none of you said he kept going and when he finished he said what happened he said what the intensity of the talent was only when when we thought he was in trouble and once the doctor said everything's well the intensity of the talent should be over you should close the title he said you got to double down taylor should be with more kavanaugh you got to finish the he says well i should stop and tell him was before because i need you that tell him of thank you there's no telling of thank you so he kept going he didn't think about that he just that was of course i got to keep going and finish where i started because i tell him a thank you has to be as strong as my talent of please so ours both of this our conversation after the fact of of thank you has to be as as strong as our pleas anyway going into rosh hashanah if you have no idea what i'm talking about and you have no idea why um why it's dusty in here i i envy you don't feel bad you've done nothing wrong but i envy you and feel very blessed and count your blessings but if you're feeling a little bit a little bit a little bit of what i'm describing then pour it out into conversation with him today's wednesday we've got a bunch of days until rosh hashanah talk to him talk to him like ravichamer is telling us don't give up on me i'm not giving up on you this is worth fighting for i feel far away but i give up i surrender i surrender and i submit i'm not in control and i can't handle this alone and i need you and i want you and i'm grateful for you and i want to figure this out from this small place that i am from this desperate place that i am from this distance place that i am i need you i need you so hashem give me your rosh hashanah help me feel it you're not going to feel it in the master if you don't talk to him outside the master if the first time you're going to talk to god for rosh hashanah is when you open the moxer and you're catching up on the putin forget about it it's not happening but if you're talking to him these days leading up to rosh hashanah if you're talking to him on rosh hashanah if you're talking to him through the simone while you're dipping the apple on the honey and eating the pomegranate and the fish eyeball the fish head if you're talking to him throughout then you've got a shot when you open the moxer then maybe you've got a chance then you've got a chance there are more quotes there are more quotes of practice that we don't sleep on rosh hashanah it's not just your grandmother's baba maisa the rama quote we don't take a nap on rosh hashanah some are lenient you don't take a nap in your bed but if on the couch you happen to fall asleep but we don't take a nap we don't sleep on rosh hashanah why not so the bubba my support is if you sleep on rosh hashanah you'll have a sleepy okay so many say hello many with insomnia would that be so bad that's not the reason the reason i sleep on rosh hashanah is to stop sleep walking through life wake up wake up but i'll say don't sleep on rosh hashanah because you should be in constant conversation with him constant conversation you go to eritsera to visit your children or grandchildren you have one day there with them you're going to take a nap in the middle of the day you you're going to take every moment relish every moment rosh hashanah bring mom look we're going to the king's coronation i just want to be talking i want to be in conversation the whole day just want to be in conversation with you oh the mock so that ended whatever time that was just a max so those were someone else's words now i want my words let's be in conversation the whole there's so much to talk about so much to ask for even when rosh hashanah falls on shabbos in shabbos you generally can't ask for things but even when rosh hashanah falls on shabbos you could talk to him you can make it personal i don't know who doesn't have personal things you you gotta you gotta come in your moxa with a piece of paper i have a piece of paper that every day sits on my stender my name my wife's name family every one of my kids names the hebrew name ben bass their mother and people that i darven for how are you going to come to roshana you don't have that paper children and grandchildren barak hashem some people here have many names to daven for i'm just talking about within your family i'm talking about the people that everything's okay but how do you know they're gonna be okay how many people last rosh hashanah came to schule taking things for granted and didn't diving for things they never imagined that they'd be sitting next to a hospital bed for months and months and months and months so rosh hashanah is not i'm not trying to paralyze you with fear let's dive in our heart out because we don't want to wait for that diagnosis of our children or someone else but but yeah nothing nothing that happened this year can you take for granted next year nothing that happened two years ago happened last year just think about this insane world we're living in these last few years and how unpredictable it is how do you not come with a feeling of desperation of that unpredictability that could be the feel of this rosh hashanah can we have a predictable year next year no pandemic no disease no political crisis no war no no inflation no recession could you could we just could you give us a year off in two weeks we'll talk about two years two years from now but for a year could you give us a break just a year off just with like the normal craziness not the extreme can we get a year off how can we not feel that way how could we all not feel that way okay that's the last year for the year we'll pick it up again next year next year is next week so we'll pick it up next year should all be signed and sealed the sweet and the happy and the healthy and a prosperous year join us tonight 9 p.m judge dan butler please stay for tell esto tila basariatipora among o'hola israel and this should all be good it should all be good stay happy stay healthy and stay holy