Living With Emunah (Part 245) - Give to God and You Will Love Him

good morning Booker told welcome back to living with emuna first of all I can't believe that you're here I didn't want to hey welcome back Alan I didn't want to cancel uh with the brisbar Hashem for a good reason a simcha which is always a great reason so we adjusted the time and uh you're actually here that's amazing thank you our minister is a sponsored generously by Dr zavian Bella Morgan in memory by Dr Brian galbot in memory of Bella's mother Dr Ellen shanzer we remain deeply indebted to the Morgans and grateful to them this morning sheer is sponsored by Michelle and Marnie Weingarten and honor their parents Dr Alexander and Meryl Weingarten so uh what a beautiful tribute and and honestly in honor of provides people near and far so thank you to Anonymous so Anonymous I have no idea who they are that's how Anonymous they genuinely are so okay welcome back it's great to be together living with that Moon hopefully we're putting into practice everything we've learned from living but simcha smiling the contagiousness of smiling the fact that it can be infectious and we can change everything with a smile with a smile and um the notion that we've been learning about that we can find God not only in the high and happy moments not only when all is going smoothly and well but also When we struggle also when we stumble also when we feel far away also when there's distance also when we feel down and out we're in the words of our rabbis or front and back or ruts of a shove or countless and Godless whether we feel small whether we feel big whether we're running towards or whether we're recoiling away we could find Hashem we've discussed a lot at length why did Hashem design the world such a way that there are highs and lows that's simply a result of reality in which we live and though we can find Hashem not only in the highs sometimes we can even find him more when we are in the low when we feel down and out when we so desperately need them and rely on him we're looking for him sometimes we can find Hashem even more in that in that place in that place so we're on page so now ravicha Meyer is going to transition to turn two how how is it sometimes you're not feeling it sometimes you're not singing learning dancing hopping skipping living with it's not revealing himself everywhere you turn it's the opposite say where are you and how are you letting this happen and why don't I feel you and why am I going through motions but it doesn't feel like you're there so in those moments and at those times how do we connect him how do we connect him so before we turn back to Richard Meyer I'll tell you what teaching about nachman who was the power of time of being to always be happy to always be on a high to always find Hashem not only in the highs but the lows posix says we're going to say that through us both the simple meaning is the trumpet blast the truer of the king Bo is with him right we're seeing now the opposite or I guess we're seeing the Carnation of a new king we're seeing the pompan circumstance in the ceremony in the ritual and the significance which is only a good thing for the Jewish people my mother pointed out to me the other day in a world which is so cynical about ceremony and ritual and has no room for masoda for tradition this is one big jolt to the world ironically who are looking so admirably and as if it's like reality show they're watching all the ritual and the ceremony and that's our lives that's Yiddish kite we don't wait for a queen to die every single day we are with the king in an audience with the King and we have the ability to to live that masoda that tradition that ritual that ceremony that's so that's so rich and so meaningful and is so the foundation of Our Lives the posit says the true or the chauffeur blast of the melach of the king Bo is with him the word true us says the word true us trumpet blast can also mean to break tiro aim is a rod of iron the pasigan tehilum and peric Basin taleem break them tiro aim with a rod of iron so the word trua could mean a show for a blast but the word true it could also mean to break so what does when we break all the lies when we break through all the darkness bow you could find God sometimes it's in the Brokenness he spoke about last week there's nothing as whole as a broken heart when you feel whole you're broken and when you feel broken you can you can be whole when you feel broken sometimes when you so rely on him and need him and depend on him and wonder where he is that's where he comes in that's where the light can shine through that's when you can find him he's dead so what comes out of this is Richard Meyer no it's ello ello every year I have at least a few conversations with myself sometimes even with others that say you know it's Ella I'm supposed to be feeling it hello everybody has this image of yeshivas and gedolam they scream the word ello and the world the walls shake and everybody's moved and inspired and davening is better the learning is better more patient more loving more kind more caring more generous what happens if you say uh oh we're more than halfway through l what happens when you're on the cusp of Rosh Hashanah you say still not feeling it going through the motions I show up put the check next to the davening next to the sleep I'm going I'm doing it going through those motions but I'm not feeling it I'm not feeling it I'm not tapped in I'm not plugged in I'm not inspired I'm not feeling it so what do you do seriousness so one component is mysterious that a Jew has to give sacrifice compromise we love what we give too we love what we work on we love what we've extended ourselves into as an extension of ourselves that which we're mostly nephesh for destler has said now's not the time to elaborate but in his conscious of that's the famously talks about love is not the result of getting love is the result of giving it's very counter-intuitive I think if you give me and give me and give me boy am I going to love you give me tickets buy me food give me gifts give me accolades and I'm gonna love you for all that you give me and if I have to give you I'm not going to love you I have to give up my resources my time my money my hard-earned I'm not going to love you I'll do it for whatever reason I feel obligated to but I love you less but it turns out sister of destler that counter-intuitively love doesn't come from getting love comes from giving and what's his evidence what's his evidence who loves whom more do parents love children more or do children love parents more it's every child every teenager goes to Seminary goes to Shiva de London it's not true so biased or today you have to if that's it would be canceled for suggesting that parents love children more than children all the children feel you're discriminating it's not true I love my parents how dare you say that you don't know me I love my parents more they love I'm going to write a book and go on TV and make a million dollars this is abuse that you suggest I don't love my parents it's a whole new world but the truth is then what happens those children please God One Day become parents and then they say you know what it's true parent loves a child more than a child that's not an indictment of a child it's not a criticism of a child it is simply a reality that a child can't love a parent the way a parent loves a child you know why because the parent gives and love is from giving not getting so that child starts life certainly starts Life by just getting everything a newborn baby contributes and gives nothing but heartache and pain and sleepless nights and and and having a body that needs to recover and money baby wakes up and cries and eats and needs to be changed costs money and then it just gets worse when they become a teenager and then it just gets worse when they're older than that so they just take take take take take occasionally I give maybe they give you something nice a birthday anniversary maybe they offer to help maybe they cook something for yontiff maybe maybe occasionally they give they give a lot of nachas but they take they really take take so why do parents love children more than children love parents because as it turns out sister of destler that love is not the result of getting the love is the result of giving he tells them he tells a story that he knows a couple that were separated during the war and the baby the young child went with the father not the mother and after the war the mother could never recover and catch up with the relationship and the love that the father had with that child that she was deprived of why he loved the child more no but in those formative years where the child was so vulnerable and fragile and there was such a security risk of their very existence and that father forged this Bond as he escaped through those years and just gave gave gave gave gave the mother couldn't catch up with that giving to feel that love normally arguably again this is a big generalization but normally a mother loves a child even more than a father not in principle not on paper loves more but meaning the mother's the one who woke up in the middle of the night let's be honest the mother's the one who carried the baby for nine months there's no debate about that the mother's the one who gave gave gave more the husband can't catch up but if that's the rights that in that circumstance it was the wife who couldn't catch up love comes from giving that from not from getting that's how he explains and again I wish we had time now but we don't have time now to delve into the entire piece when the Torah says there are three people who come home stay home for more if you planted a Vineyard and you didn't reap it you didn't drink its wine you built a house and you didn't get to live in it and if you got married and you didn't finish the first year with your wife all three we feel bad for don't go to war maybe you'll be killed and you won't get to enjoy what you worked on so you're exempt from war now you don't have to be a feminist to be bothered woman bottle of wine renovated house one of these is not like the other is that what we're saying is that a woman we're lowering to these inanimate objects bottle of wine renovated house and a wife all three are unrealized dreams so you get to stay home that's it we've relegated a woman a bottle of wine it's a renovated house so what if that's the says is we're not suggesting God forbid a woman is a wife is like an inanimate object what do all three have in common it's not a shovel the common denominator of all three is a person gave of themselves they sacrificed they worked they dreamed they built they toiled they gave and then they don't get to get the satisfaction satisfaction so even an inanimate object one can one can love I once I taught destler's country said many years ago there was a series done many many years ago I'd be canceled now for this I'd be putting but somebody in the show who knew media put together clips from certain TV or movies and we showed a Jewish or Torah approach to it so there was a film Castaway that a person who was a Shipwrecked and he was by himself and one of the packages that came up on shore was a volleyball a basketball I think it was a volleyball I think it was a volleyball from the company Wilson and in there was there was no one to talk to he was stranded by himself and over the course of time he had thrown the ball and his hand was bloody and he made a picture of a face and it said Wilson he gave it a name he called it Wilson he would talk to Wilson all day when he was escaping on the raft Wilson went overboard and he cried hysterically and was in pain like he had lost a child or a loved one and you say what's going on Shipwrecked he must have sunstroke he must have gone insane he loved the volleyball so I said no that's her desler he loved the volleyball because he cared for and nurtured and protected and gave of himself to this inanimate object called The Valley volleyball my beloved sulkan should be well my beloved Sul Khan after that took a basketball and he wrote Wilson and he painted on it and still have it in my office this goes back 15 years how many years my beloved friend he should just be well and healthy and comfortable and strong so he gave me that gift as a result Wilson that's for destler you could love an inanimate object when I say coaches akas that I always tell the story when I was a child my father planted I don't know what motivated because we were not that kind of family but he planted a tomato Vine in our backyard and I remember on Sundays because we didn't see my father much of the wiki like many of your husbands many of our fathers worked very hard but on Sundays he would nurture that tomato Vine I remember as it grew I remember vividly that we tied it to a pole as it climbed and I remember watering it and I remember first they were green and I remember them they were red and I remember the first tomato we plucked it's actually this week's partial limits of bikurim which didn't apply in Teaneck New Jersey there was no Mitzvah bikuru to the Tomato but I remember the first tomato he plucked and I remember it was brought to the Shabbos table and I remember that's where he was going to slice into it and that's where we ate it and I remember my father who now can't say good job is without crying but then I had not seen enormous amount of emotion I remember he addressed the Tomato maybe with more affection than he had any of us I remember finding a peculiar tomato the love the affection the attention for this tomato tomato but then I learned countries and I understood The Sundays the watering and the nurturing and the protecting and the and the tying it to the to the pole when you give to something you love it why is that it says your destiny you know why when you give you everyone loves themselves some people love themselves too little Network people have too little self-esteem self-worth and nebuch that is an enormous challenge we're starting this mote Shabbos we'll be showing it and streaming it here together with moshiakness who's my co-host starting a new monthly podcast called out of the Shadows about mental health very excited about it because I think it's really really important and this week the opening episode is Dr pelkovitz Dr Blumenthal Rachel tuckman and Alicia have a list for Superstar mental health professionals on the state of mental health in the Orthodox community it's really really important conversations and each episode will focus on these real issues anxiety depression iddocd mental health and I'm excited for that episode all kinds of uh all kinds of episodes these are real issues and there are people who suffer from low self-esteem they don't love themselves enough love your neighbor as yourself say you know what is at the core of the midst of to love your neighbor at yourself first you have you have to you have to love yourself you can't love your neighbor as yourself if you don't love yourself now there's a whole world of people who love themselves a little too much that's a whole other illness of the people who love themselves too much arrogance ego self-love there's a lot of people who love themselves too much that's its own issue that creates its own challenges but there's also a world of people who love themselves too little lack self-esteem and self-worth who are constantly putting themselves down thinking they're unworthy thinking they're inferior thinking they're invisible thinking they're inadequate projecting onto others what they assume they're thinking or sitting in Judgment of them the entire world of people suffering from that it's among the saddest things when you're with someone who is amazing but just beats themselves up and doesn't say they're worthy and doesn't believe they deserve a better future it's tragic but first love your neighbor but first you have to love yourself you have to find that right Niche don't love yourself too much it's like the Three Bears don't love yourself too much don't love yourself too little love yourself just right you have to love yourself too right right when you love yourself too much reminding me come sit when you love yourself too much then you have to remember haryani offer the afer that said in the name of everybody Jew has to carry a note in each pocket a little set a little a little pet deck in each pocket in one pocket it says I'm worm food I'm dirt I'm Earth the dust of the earth I'm a Cornish I'm a nothing it came from the ground and one day I'll be warm food I'm a garnished and the other pocket you have to say bishvili never Olam God created the whole world just for me and the is to know when you feel on top of the world and it's all about you remember you're going to do warm food when you feel what am I and who am I and I'm So Unworthy and nobody thinks anything good of me then you remember the whole world was created just for me you have to know when which one if to know which one so you have to love yourself just right don't love yourself too much and don't love yourself too little but the reality is that we were designed to love ourselves it's important you know what happens when you don't love yourself you know what happens if you don't love yourself you are in danger in grave Danger there are people young people they struggle with addiction or who struggle with behavior that is self-destructive and self-tabotaging because they don't love themselves they give themselves inappropriately to others in such a way that is so harmful and damaging to them so for self-preservation we need to love ourselves protect ourselves love ourselves that's that's natural it's the way we're designed so we love ourselves when we take a piece of ourselves and we plant it in someone else or something else we love it so love comes from giving so when we have a child that literally was conceived and gestation and birth and nurturing and nourishing and loving and protecting and raising we give and give and give and give that's a love that nobody can understand that's a love that it's incomparable that love of a parent to a child because that's the ultimate in giving when you love a spouse I say under almost every Krupa the Jewish formula is that love doesn't come from getting that's why there's an enormous divorce rate and the divorce rate is only down the last few years because fewer people are bothering to get married that's the only reason but why is there such dysfunction in marriage today in America and around the world because two parties enter a relationship thinking what am I going to get what do I get out of this what are my entitlements what are my privileges what comes with this membership to marriage what do I get when you come with an attitude what do I get out of it don't bother but if you come and you say what can I give Ava love comes to the word have which means to give which means one I don't come together I come to give I come to give and when two parties are giving to one another you have a couple madly in love they have to know when to give and when to get the yin and the Yang how to balance that out on different issues and different questions that come up but love is the result of giving not getting and it's true not only that you love your children because you give to them and you love your spouse because you give to them and you love the Tomato because you gave it life and nurtured it till it became to your shopping stable and you love Wilson because you spent quality time and talked to and invested in a relationship and confided in it you could love inanimate and animate objects and people and experiences because the more you give the more you love that's contrast it's a lot more but that's conscious for now why am I telling you all that it's fascinating it's great but I'm telling you all that because what a Victor Meyer is saying is one of the ways to renew a relationship with Hashem paradoxically counter-intuitively is give to him you sit back and we wait why aren't I getting anything from him why aren't I getting anything out of this where is he why isn't he showering love and affection and warmth why isn't he answering yes to my questions why isn't he coming through whereas why aren't I getting an adventure Meyer says you know how you could turn it around start giving how do you give to God how do you give to God you don't give to God with money resources you do by taking care of his other children let me put it to you differently Hashem is infinite he's omnipotent he's perfect he doesn't need us how do you give to someone who's already perfect is to do what oh one of the ways you can give also this week's passion one of the ways that we give to God what's the finest form of flattery imitation you want to flatter God imitate him be like him Embrace his values follow them live them that's one way you give to God how else again he's infinite you know sometimes it's hard to give a gift to somebody who has everything but they don't have everything often the people who look like they have everything need the gift the most and the gift isn't material or physical but God actually has everything he is everything he's the source of everything so what gifts can you give him praise but he doesn't need it he gets nothing out of it he barely tolerates it but still it's good to give it to him what else ah so you could give to his other children you want to give a gift to me there's perhaps no greater gift than showing love to my children you know it's amazing I just walked ashore the other day with someone who's going to be an Israel for circus and says Rabbi who do you have in Israel right now I said oh one of my daughters mad there she said great give me your number I want to invite her for me on circus I love you right now it's amazing so sweet it's so kind you're thinking about my child you just generously offered to host of my I love I'm in love with you right now because you're so amazing to my child so Hashem has billions of children billions of children Jewish and non-jew he didn't enter Mary but he is Jewish and non-jewish children we're all from God and when we're good to his children Hashem says I love you good good you're good to your children you're good to me that's another way you love God be good to his children yeah that's okay good so the answers are destler you want to show God that you love him give to him and how do you give to him the seriousness I don't feel like going to school but I'm going anyway I don't feel like doing the midst I'm doing it anyway I'm gonna live with some yirashimayim in this moment I want to look at the wrong thing I want to indulge that yet Sahara I want to indulge that Temptation that instinct but I'm not going to and it's and it's costing me it's costing I don't feel like giving that 10 it's Dhaka but I'm doing it and it hurts the more you give to the point that it hurt to give when it doesn't hurt is almost not giving right so I love you so much I want to give to you that we're going to go out for a big steak tonight and a great bottle of wine maybe a cigar afterwards I want to give to you is that you know if I really want to give to her I say we're going to go out tonight for some milks now it hurts it's my seriousness so almost sacrificing one's life so if you really want to communicate love you don't do it by doing something that's good for you right I love you so much I bought myself a new a new golf set like that's my gift to you that's not the real is I'm most enoughish this is not the way I wanted to do it but I'm doing it your way this hurts it takes more work more time more money more effort more toil more sacrifice I'm doing it so when do you show that to Hashem when it all feels good and delicious and amazing and fantastic and goosebumps and exciting English schmuck and on fire so I didn't really give to God because I got something out of that that was amazing that was amazing it's past Friday night we had a tissue it was for men we would love to do Friday night women's Tish women can sit and sing and whatever I'm just not sure you'd show up so if you would we would organize it would love to host it so there's nothing discriminatory about it just understandably by Friday night many women may not want to go out to sing together and share the Victorian stories but we had a teacher's past Friday night which was an artist which was an artist dish and it was beautiful it was ttb Yeshiva it's been here for many years the new Yeshiva of South Florida the community collel the katushiva high school all together United by Torah voices literally harmonizing one another in song Standing and holding arms locked together in dance it was gishmach it was amazing it was amazing by the way the biggest ruach came from the youngest Group which were the cats of Shiva High School boys they were on fire there was a singing the loudest they stayed the longest and because of the custodians I had to kick them out they came back from ncsy cola this Core group and they are on fire they're on fire now there were two types of people in that room I hope by the time everybody left everyone was equally on fire and had an incredible experience but there were people who wanted to be there who couldn't wait to be that are counted down to be there there are people who said Goldberg will be annoyed at me if I don't show up I've got to be there I'm connected to this yeshiv or that institution I teach I'm a rebbe I'm a parent I gotta show up I really I'm passing out my soup I want to go to sleep I'm dying but I'll be most of Netflix I'll go I hope by the end everybody was happy they came but to be honest the two types of people who go to almost every event so for the ones who are on fire these kids who wouldn't leave were they most are nephish to be there the evidence they weren't most enough is to come is that they wouldn't leave and to be kicked out custodians cleaned up around them and when that last table and chairs they were the difference of the custodians going home it was midnight I was the bad guy who said boys I love you go sit on the curb and sing told nates but we're out it's over the evidence it wasn't hard for them to come is that they didn't want to leave others had to be most beneficial they gave up on their sleep they were exhausted they walked maybe a far distance if you don't live in Boca right now weather's not so comfortable I met with a new British couple lovely amazing wonderful people I was talking to them how it's going you've arrived so sorry about that I as if I'm responsible I'm a I'm a professional apologizer in life that's what happened so I also apologize among other things for the weather so when the new people move in I say in a month or two you're gonna really appreciate why you moved here so they used a great word to describe the weather here in Boca I never heard it describe this way it's so British they said the weather is downright hostile it was a great word it's true the weather is obnoxious hostile so there are people who are most ineffish to come and they have to fight the hostility of the weather to be here so who who gave more and is more connected and more love in that relationship with Hashem if you wanted to come and you wouldn't leave you got a lot out of it don't get me wrong but you didn't have to give to be there it wasn't a sacrifice but when you sacrificed when you were Musa nephesh so this is the first suggestion that Richard Meyer is getting when you're in a period of Katniss ironically counter-intuitively paradoxically there's a greater opportunity to be most NFL and therefore a greater opportunity to show love and to feel a closer love when everything feels great and is amazing and you're in love the love is not as profound as not as as Dynamic the love is not as real as when you're having to sacrifice for it which results in a real deeper more meaningful form of love not sure I'm being clear when you're on fire and everything's amazing when you're in a takoof of Godless mohen degardless everything's good schmuck cause life is Mark when you're in a place of mochan the Katniss when you're in a place of Down and Out in Despair and distance and yet still nevertheless you're most you know what mysterious definition is time some people giving up time is harder than giving up money time give up time for God for some it's most enoughish to talk to God someone's most enough to talk to your spouse your children you don't want to you don't feel like it it's painful it's like root canal but the core of any relationship is communication and time and communication that's the core of any relationship if you neglect if you don't give time make it a priority of time and if you don't communicate if you're shut down and resistant you're not an active listener you're not interested in the other person then there's no relationship sometimes that takes me seriousness because I don't have the time or I don't feel like listening or I don't want to communicate and yet a person has to leave their comfort zone and be most or nephish and take risks or give time or extend themselves because that's what love is that's what love will come from and what's true in the human realm interpersonally is true in our relationship with Hashem do we make time for God do we make time for God are we in conversation with Hashem spoke last week about the histogists on the beach two weeks ago more than 50 people came and made time for God late on a Thursday night and communicated I didn't eavesdrop I don't know what was said but sat in the sand and said God here it is let's have a conversation now thank you for the things I'm grateful for got some things I'm unhappy that got some suggestions about the way you run in the world and then I've got some requests of questions for you I'm not reading it in a book I'm not stuck on the words in the sitter I'm not singing a song I'm talking to you from my heart that's not easy there is a Jew in our surely young man who does his bow to this for an hour every day for an hour every day he stops and talks to God I don't mean he comes to chakras for an hour every day I mean outside of shul he told me how he does it 20 minutes 20 minutes 20 minutes when it's broken up into how difficult it is how many days she doesn't feel like doing it he believes that certain Brock only comes into his life because he made the commitment to do it every day so he does it an hour I don't know if you're on the beach that night some of you were like 30 seconds in I was like okay this is awkward and uncomfortable and is it enough is anyone leaving can I go can I go now unfortunately many of you didn't so I had to stay keep looking over my shoulder when did enough people leave that I could leave without feeling self-conscious but 30 seconds is really hard no sitter I'll tell you for me the easiest place to do it is driving when you're driving I don't know maybe because the driving itself is distracting leave the radio off leave the music off leave the podcast off don't be talking on the phone just talk to God God here it is here it goes you ready let's have a conversation let's have a conversation usually on the way back from carpool you have some things to tell him about how you'd like him to help people behave so talk to him do we make time do we communicate are we mostly nevish for God the message I want to get across I guess for today until next time is to be most beneficial so this is the challenge when you don't feel him in your life is when you don't feel like being most for him although the same thing's true with marriage I mentioned last week the therapist suggestion about touching touch a hand give a hug in the middle of a fight again sounds bizarre sounds even risky you're in the middle of the fight you're gonna give a hug there's another fight you're going to touch the person's hand the answer is that contact is a reminder that there's a bigger picture of love that gamza yavour that the five and five rules it won't matter in five years it shouldn't matter for five minutes we can get through this because there's something bigger but there's something more than just that is that the more you don't feel like doing for the other person do something and that's what will bring you both back I'm not a therapist I always refer to legitimate therapists but I complement their therapy for people who come to me and one thing I always say is love is not an adjective What is love it's a verb love is a verb Love Is A Verb love is not in a Hallmark card love is not in the flowers the box of chocolates that's all cute and lovely and nice and it's important and it's gestures of thoughtfulness and affection Love Is A Verb it is a verb it's a verb to God we have a commandment in fact it's how some understand that we can have a commandment how can you be commanded to love God you can't turn on emotions on command on demand so how can you love God if you can't love on demand the answer is love the adjective you can't do on demand but love the verb you can love the verb you can so when the Torah says love God it says don't worry about the feeling yeah adjectives means make time talk to him gift him Sacrifice from compromise do it even though you don't want to do it even though it hurts to it even though it's uncomfortable the seriousness be most or not fish I'll just end with this that's why one of the three things that will help us this season soon too soon to my liking on Russian will belt out and the sibo will respond and Away the walls will reverberate with the winning formula how is it mahavirus era it's not emotionally manipulative to say to you who is going through things this year that last Rosh Hashanah they never dreamed would even be a problem who knew last rosh Hashem as a Daven for one's children lest they get a diagnosis who knew last rosh hashama to Daven that X Y or Z not happen within our family within our community or within the world who even knew so who even knows what the Davin for this Rosh Hashanah we don't even know what that xera is that's hanging over our head that we want to be mavier that we want to remove and eliminate but we know one thing what is the winning formula to remove it to eliminate it to nullify it juva Thriller and so true I got if I become a new me I'm worthy of a new decree I can get rid of the rawa it's real I even get through trila through heartfelt prayer I become a new me and worthy of a nux era staka I'm bribing the judge write a check venmo or zel God you're guilty guilty as Sin accountable you know how we'll get out of it I'll make a donation I'll name the new base majors I'll give a big donation That's How we'll get out how does stucco work it's also part of a much bigger conversation spoke about a few weeks ago behind the Bemo we had Jonathan donath the founder of daily giving you can listen and we spoke about it much more there how does it work so in this context I'll just close by saying you know chuva hurts to give up previous Behavior patterns addictions it hurts it's hard to feel hurts I don't really want to wake up say the words do it every day but we know that nothing hurts like the pain of the wallet there are people I ask for stucca not for me to help our mission who say take my kidney take my liver take my heart take my retina just don't take my money I think that they would sooner give me their kidney than they were their account their bank account their people it hurts hurts stucca sashem says you want to be marveling the roxera you want to show me you love me stuck I have a lot of needs not for me personally says God I'm perfect I'm all knowing I'm omnipotent on infinite but my children have a lot of needs I have a lot of children I have billions of children in the world millions of Jewish children I have in your own Community your neighbors in your family there are a lot of children Hashem says they have a lot of needs you want to prove to me you love me you want to show me you love me you want to make an effort you want to be worthy of a nux era stuck let's see write a check okay not because we're buying our way out but we're showing our love we're showing our priority we're showing that we get it we're showing the seriousness hurts don't give to the point it hurts you can't you're not allowed to give more than 20 you're not allowed to give to the point where you can become impoverished yourself I'm not saying give to the point it hurts but I'm saying for some people giving it all hurts but give us Jewish Education scholarship fund there's the pillar Society of our shul keeping the lights on the classes going there's a new Yeshiva there's the Mikvah that still needs money for the Magnificent renovation it did there's an air of there's you want me to go on and on I'm just speaking like the local there are no shortage of Worthy places you know the fruit and vegetable market we did outside before pesach we're doing it again before Rosh Hashanah so the people in this community who don't know how they're going to put food on their table for this yunt of season come take leave whatever you want or don't want we'll need help the resources to do that this is not an appeal it's also not not an appeal but it's not an appeal it's not an appeal for pillar Society or that market or anything else but I'm in this context most soccer okay you wanna and here's the thing when you give when you when you sell that money to God when you give them your time and you change that behavior when you make the time and you talk to him from your heart that's what will break you out of the funk that's what turns things around very counter-intuitively the further we feel giving makes us feel closer because you love what you give too so when you feel down and out and Far Away figure out a way to be most their nephish to God do what feels uncomfortable what you don't feel like doing and that's how I'll draw close once again tonight we're going behind the bema if you loved last week or daytime cats you love tonight his brother of caps I'm behind the bhima and mote Shabbos this mental health Out of the Shadows with mushyakmas really really really important conversation the beginning of an important conversation until next time stay happy stay healthy and stay holy