Living With Emunah (Part 243) - Whole and Broken

excited good morning Booker Tova welcome back to living with the moon I am so excited to be back together we have so much to catch up on so many stories to share so much learning so much energy so much excitement I want to thank our generous series sponsors for the year Dr Xavier and Bella Morgan our dear friends and memory Dr Brian galbot in memory of Bella's mother Dr Ellen shanzer we remain incredibly grateful to them for their generosity this morning sheer as well as sponsor the memory of Dr Jacob and Hiller who exemplified the model the life of simchaim I spent a lot of time learning about smiling and so on and by Michelle and Marnie Weingarten in honor of their parents Dr Alexander and Meryl Weingarten thank you to all of our generous sponsors we are so deeply appreciative I am very excited to present to you that our notebook has arrived just as Alana has arrived big thank you to Alana the incredible graphic designer putting together a beautiful Notebook based on our living with emuna Shear this uh if you remember we spent a lot of time talking about Turn the Page we don't have to get stuck we're not fixed we're not locked our life doesn't have to be what it was yesterday but every day we could turn the page modani thank you Hashem for a new day and we turn the page so it's a blank notebook the top of every single page modani thank you Hashem for a new day Turn the Page and the idea is you can keep your lists and you can write your journal and you could put down whatever you want but every day you turn the page it's a new page it's a new page in the mode to audience where do you get it I hope somebody would ask right after the M ownership you could purchase it outside together with our caffeinate with kavana cup our living with that Muna Turn the Page notebook and for those who are watching or listening online soon we will be able to make it available for purchase online as well so a big thank you to Greta Baum for her help a lot of land on incredible graphic design all your graphic design needs amazing vision and creativity and ideas thank you so much for this and very very excited I was actually just talking they came in the other day and I was talking to somebody who was going through a difficult time with friends and socially I was very very upset and very very disturbed and I said here's a notebook tomorrow morning you wake up and turn the page it's a new day it's a new beginning mode Ani thank God thank Hashem for the opportunity every day to turn the page so every morning you can caffeinate with gavana and you could turn the page and you can start every day with living with amuna very very excited about that and a big big thank you want to get back to our learning interest why are we still there why are we stuck in pesos because we've been talking about the notion of happiness and Mohan de gabless we have been talking about moments of advance and moments of retreat front and back when we feel Hashem connection ruts of ashove running two and recoiling away at times Hashem at times in aramuna were on fire we feel his presence we feel connected we can't wait to next talk to him we feel him all around us we're filled with faith no matter what happens or goes wrong and there are other moments we're just not feeling it we're going through motions it's not connecting we don't feel his presence we don't feel attached we feel distanced and we've been learning why did Hashem design and create a world in such a way with such a rhythm and how do we connect with them and how do we Elevate ourselves even in those moments where we feel a little bit further from him but I want to share with you first two and when the stories because I love the ammunist stories that people share with me uh I wanna I witnessed the other day and the other went around you might have seen it online but I think it Bears repeating we were in a wedding in New York the other day we were coming down the elevator eighth ninth fourth wherever the wedding was and there was a woman in the elevator we happened to know her happens to be related to somebody in our community and her eyes were closed and she was mumbling under her breath Hashem Hashem Hashem Hashem and then when we hit the lobby and the doors open she said thank you Hashem so I said what was that she said I hate elevators so every elevator ride is a conversation with Hashem so the hallway down was Hashem Hashem Hashem we hit the lobby thank you Asha but I thought you know the elevator ride is a metaphor for the ride for life it's bumpy it could get stuck stops at floors you're not really interested in stopping at and when you get to where you're meant to be thank you Hashem thank you Hashem for bringing me here thank you Hashem for getting me here safely but I love that she channeled whatever anxiousness she had about an elevator into an opportunity for a conversation with Hashem but Pinkus writes that in Sharon bitsvilla we have pink is the greater pink is that Sao and the shower and betfila writes he says you know you stub your toe and you scream ouch so the ouch could either be an ouch which is fruitless and pointless and just a scream or the ouch could be ouch Hashem you could you could react and feel and scream and it can just be out there or you can react and scream and it could be out there and you're using the fact that there's a moment of enthusiasm energy passion the moment of feeling alive so might as well direct that and channel that to a connection with Hashem so whether it's an ouch or whether it's a groan or a sigh or whether it's a smile or a laugh but every experience and every opportunity is an invitation to a relationship with Hashem so every elevator ride can be fraught with fear or every elevator ride could be I'm getting in the elevator with Hashem and he's going to take me down we're going to go down together we're going to go down together people so people have all kinds of anxiety fear worry meetings travel I had a child who didn't love escalators now she hops on the escalators but used to be a massive negotiation to get on an escalator whatever a person's particular hang up we can overcome it if we say this is not a moment of challenge this is a moment of opportunity an invitation I thought that elevator ride was a great metaphor for life four elevators which for her was significant or for other people if elevators are not a big deal other things other rides in life which are filled with fear to use it as an opportunity thank you Hashem thank you Hashem when we get there that was number one number two you may have seen this online I loved this story my 16 year old son just got home from Camp someone posted this it's a beautiful um WhatsApp group and it's on social media called mky Mika Israel so much bad news about the Jewish people online so many terrible stories so much bad news Israel put together some people put together it's really best on others a Channel or or postings of the good news of Mika Israel let's not really catch the Jewish people when we do wrong let's catch the Jewish people doing right let's catch the Jewish people not only when we're turned off let's catch the Jewish people when they can turn us on to Yiddish kite and to Hashem so this was posted in there my 16 year old son just got home from camp and due to flight cancellations his luggage was misplaced at the airport the airline said they will not be able to do anything about it for at least 10 to 12 business days decide for actual clothing we have a family wedding tomorrow and buying whole new shamas wardrobe is not feasible we live out of town and we're in Lakewood for the castle I didn't know who to turn to my sister posted the following request on her status teenage boy came home from Camp all of his luggage was lost if anyone has t-shirts Shabbos clothing Etc please let me know within mid minutes she had many responses including the following I'm out of town but I'll give you the combination to my house please go in and go to my son's room and help yourself to anything you need whatever fits the boy can have and keep we just got back from the wonderful Year's house and we are fully equipped for Shabbos and weekday when I sent her a total stranger to me a thank you this was her response a main my pleasure clothing was literally sitting there waiting for you I always give away clothes that they grow out of for some reason didn't get to his closet yet this year Hashem made me leave it there for you so now not only did she do a tremendous tested but she's making it seem like I'm the one helping her out so first of all it's the story of Jewish custard of love of kindness she normally cleans out the closet by then she whatever reason procrastinated didn't get to it was frustrated it was all from Hashem that closet was intact so that the stranger whose luggage was lost would have a full wardrobe absolutely incredible I love these stories we can all we could all be inspired to do more you know there are great people who've said to be a huge to finish Shas to have a genius mind to remember everything not everybody's made we're not designed we're not programmed not all of us are built or equipped for that but love and kindness to go above and beyond to answer status requests for help every one of us could do that every one of us can and should do that and walk in the way of Hashem okay now we can get back to our regular scheduled learning we're on Page in the handout again not the regular had been doing the one in pesach and sugar and so much because we've been talking about lots of ashov in my Katniss regardless and Ava when we feel closer when we recoil when we are uh the cycles of Life highs and lows in our voters Hashem so I thought to myself why are we continuing this we originally did this in the month of AF we were in the three weeks we were approaching Tish above and then it made a lot of sense to talk about highs and lows and finding Hashem even while you're sitting on the ground why are we still doing this in ello so I want to tell you an incredible megala amukos the magala amukos nothing shapir of Krakow who lived in the late 1500s the 1600s the halogen he says the following we're now in the month of ello ello may be the most famous acronym in all of Judaism most famous Akron what does ELO stand for someone tell me one thing ello stands for the most famous Anila Dodi the Dodie Lee I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me which is of course Hiroshima talking about our relationship with Hashem by the way also in a Muna message how do we get close to Hashem says when I take my Ani and I give it my I my ego my sense of self we studied that also in the amunisher but when I take my Ani and I give it Little D my Ani and the Dodi could either be in Conflict intention Hashem that's what you want it's not what I want I should have fun about you it's about me it's not your priorities or hierarchy it's what I want to be doing or I could take my Ani who am I what am I made of what are my talents what am I what are my strengths what is my mission I take my Ani who I am what I'm about the gifts I've been lent and I give it and I submit myself that's the month of ello Ello is a Time Ani who am I and what am I about but I'm taking my Ani and I'm giving it over I'm submitting it I'm I'm relinquishing it Ani is and when I do that you know what Hashem says that's unbelievable wow that commitment that loyalty that affection I'm gonna reciprocate you are so devoted to me then Dodi Lee that Hashem says that I will reciprocate that love and that affection this is the Paradigm for marriage description the highest level relationship with Hashem we have so many metaphors for a relationship with Hashem what's an example what's a metaphor Hashem is our father we're his children what's another one master and slave what's another one King and servant what's another there are countless examples or metaphors in fact Kabbalah teaches that Hashem it's not that Hashem created a world and then wrote the Torah he looked in the Torah then he created a world so he looked into the world and he said I'm omnipotent infinite on the source of all they're going to be finite limited human beings how will they relate to me how will we connect I need to create examples of relationships that will each be a metaphor for another way they can connect to me so it's not that after the fact we say oh he's like avinu he's like a father he's like a king he's like a master he's like a he's like a spouse it's not after the fact it's that he created these relationships so that how do we know what it means for Hashem to be our father because we are children and please God we are parents so we understand that relationship how do we know what it means that he's our Master because they're employers and employees not that those are servants unless you're in the rabbit there are how do we know what it means to have a loving romantic relationship their spouses husbands and wives I just spoke at my son-in-law's brother zofrof mentioned before and bring down that's why Hassan a groom the Shabbos before his wedding the offer of the offer is not about the decor of course not about the decor the offer is not about the food or the menu the offer certainly is not about the roasting of the friends the OfferUp is all about the Hassan getting a Aliyah it's not even about throwing the candy at his head and missing him and hitting the rabbi that off is all about the Aliyah why does the Hassan get Nali at his because Hashem looked into the Torah and then created the world this Hassan is about to get married and create a new world with his wife he has to look into the Torah the Shabbos before his wedding he looks into the Torah so he can now go and create his world his talk about Raisa ubare Alma so these are the really which is the highest relationship which one do we strive for which is the highest metaphor Master Slave father parent child husband wife the mission and yadim says all the songs are holy all the metaphors Are Holy shirim is the holy of holies that is the highest of highest when we could feel we're in this romantic loving intimate passionate relationship with hashems that's what we're striving for so I needed Lee our relationship with Hashem should be like a passionate marriage and a marriage should be like a passionate relationship with Hashem marriage similarly Ani marriage is not about let's see what you could do for me make me dinner pay the bills bringing an income put the kids to bed marriage is not about what I can take it's what can I give what can I give not what can I take I've worked on myself for 18 19 21 30 40 50 years my Ani who I am I give Linda I give to you and then Dodi Lee and each side then you have two halves becoming a whole but if each one says what can I take how can you serve me what can you do for me then you have one plus one then you have two people competing a healthy marriage is my Ani is so that is the most popular acronym hello we take so many detours you know how hard it is to stay on this highway exhausting on Whiplash I'm dizzy but stay with me I'm driving so stay with me ello most famous acronym that's how we got into this Anila Dodi the dodeli anyone can anyone know another acronym for ello anyone know another one of your name wrong holiday what holiday is that what happens to be that Purim and Yom kippuram are two sides of the same coin so it's not really another holiday there's a deep connection between Purim and Yom kippuram Yom kippuram is not just about I don't climb into an ivory Tower I don't retreat to me and God I can't talk to anyone else I'm not aware of anyone else I don't have room or space or energy to care about anyone else is my relationship with Hashem your name is a commitment and a care and a concern for the people around me is all about carrying the people around another acronym anyone know another one the Ariza says there are many there are countless they're they're countless but there are many many many many many many many but I want to share with you the megala amukos the hill again writes our own foreign the broken tablets why would ello stand for around lujas the Chevrolet so we know the Torah says that what did we put into the our own Act of Allah and place them in the Arun you wanted several places tell us a you know what we're in the Ark in the in the basement it had the new the beautiful tablets that persevered that endured but it also had the shards the pieces of the broken tablets why why do you throw them away the Vaz breaks the ball breaks shards pieces throw them away collect them put them away totally put them in Shameless what are you doing in the Sacred Space of the auron such a limited space was actually miraculous space the things that were in it were bigger than the room that there was it was a miracle that it fit in the aurang and you're taking a precious real estate of the our own more valuable than Montoya Circle and you're taking up with chivalry lucro's with the shards with the pieces why why so there are many beautiful interpretations that focus on the idea that a Jew doesn't have only the whole moments we have broken moments and we grow and we live and we hold on to the broken moments as much as we do the whole moments life is not linear life is not simple life has highs and lows it is moments of feeling whole and moments of feeling broken and we don't discard and we don't get rid of and we don't erase and we don't forget and we don't revise and rewrite our own history but there are broken moments and they go in the our own too they go on the our own too I'll give you two examples we may even get to the safer today I'll give you two other examples of it marriage on the mind what does a Hassan do the last thing at the khopah breaks the glass why does the husband break the glass the last time he's going to put his foot down okay everybody knows that aha classic joke classic Rabbi Jewish joke caffeinate with kavana I'm going to show you why does he break the glass so of course because we're remembering you shall I am the world is incomplete there was another tragedy in Israel today a soldier was killed in a training exercise family the Jewish people we should all feel broken it's a piece of us which is deeply and profoundly broken every time there's a tragedy anti-Semitism Jews were beaten up on the streets of Brooklyn again yesterday and again no one's doing anything about it dangerous damaging devastating so we break a glass because we're in the moment of incredible Joy I don't care how many singers you have singing how much backup choir you have how many flowers and Decor were broken with all the wholeness and all the song and all the harmony we break a glass because we're broken we're incomplete there's no base on miktash there's no mashiach and we continue to suffer we long for perfect timing we long for mashiach we long for mashiach we break that glass we remind ourselves we long for him but there's another reason and you know what that reason is foreign need to know you think you're madly in love and you love each other's cute little idiosyncrasies which are adorable and everything is so perfect and amazing you need to know things are going to break you don't leave the khopa without breaking a glass because you need to know things are going to break they're going to break they're going to break you're going to have a fight a disagreement tension they're gonna break you can have difficult moments they're gonna break hopes and dreams might not come true have a nice sooner doing a panel we're speaking for an organization a time for those struggling with pregnancy loss about uh to give some I think that it's a terrible disservice that we do that we don't teach young people maybe senior year of high school maybe Yeshiva Seminary maybe Hassan and kala classes what percentage of pregnancies end with a miscarriage they shouldn't just think because they read in the Bolton of their shul every Shabbos Mazel Tov on a new baby that as soon as you're ready you get married you try and you pop out babies at will it's not the way of the world they should know that please God they'll find their mate but there are a lot of people that take some time and you need to be patient and there's a life even while you're waiting to get married that doesn't have to Define you we need to teach young people that they're broken moments there are broken moments so Hassan breaks the glass under the khopah because what we're telling the Hassan and kala is there are highs and lows there are moments of wholeness and moments of Brokenness and in ello it's not only our own velujos says the magala amukos it's our envelope shivering because in ello we look back on our last year and we plan with an eye towards the next year and we are focused on our own the light of the Arun the Holiness of the art on the spirituality of the Arun and we Embrace and we remember and we are nostalgic for our luchos moments but we also remember our children's moments there are moments of Brokenness there are moments of incompleteness there are moments of Dash dreams there are moments of tension loss there are moments of pain and suffering there are chivalry Lucas in the Aaron too Ello is not all fun and games or Joy or simple L is our own the luchos as well that's what we work on that's one of the acronyms to care about and see and be compassionate and have empathy for the people around me and our own life is not simple give you one last example of it pesach but there was an ancient custom quoted by we Shonen they would have a fourth matzah at the Seder were accustomed to three matses avramito kenyakov the avos were three Maxes who correspond with uh lady Israel all the different reasons for three Matas but there was a minute to have four matsus and the fourth matzah is brought down by Rishon and was called matsus Suffolk the tradition was you brought a backup matzah to the SATA table you know why because there was a good chance that a matzo was going to break a mata's gonna break someone's going to Spill the Wine you should start out the Seder by knocking over a cup yeah good done we got that out of the way we got that out of the way we've ruined the tablecloth we spilled it's all over the Kittle we got that out of the way now we can begin it's a beautiful symbolism that you bring that matzah suffix to the table because you need to know you come to the pesachator the highest level of depression studies show is around holidays I'm talking about Jewish holidays all that then too probably but secular holidays because people come to those holidays with expectations you know what this time it's going to be different my parents my siblings my place at the table the way it all go it's going to be different this time it's going to be different but it's not as disappointing in some cases devastating and then people get terribly depressed so we bring the matzo Suffolk to the stator table to say you know what be prepared and no going in something's going to spill something's going to break something's going to go wrong you're going to have broken glucose moments put them in your own they too go in the Arun they too go in the Arun you can grow the most from those moments sometimes sometimes those moments reveal a breakthrough opportunity Esther perel a great therapist talks she has a TED talk with millions of views I highly recommend she talks about coming back from infidelity she talks about how the broken moments can either end the relationship or they can be the launch of a new relationship of a second marriage with the same person because they reveal something that could or needed to be fixed it's the perspective that one brings not a simple topic whatsoever but there's a metaphor for life also in a relationship with Hashem when it's broken or there's infidelity or there's broken luchos they belong you don't erase it you don't pretend it didn't happen you don't have revisionist memory or history but it goes into the Aaron the Chevrolet they all belong we learn and we gain something from all of it all right so let's begin we have four minutes left let's begin let's begin summer days so we've talked about why why did Hashem create the world this way why do we need why do we need highs and lows why do we need sometimes we feel close sometimes we feel distant sometimes we feel whole sometimes we feel broken can't it be simple it's when you have a shoe of minyanum all over you hear the chauffeur why why can't it be simple why can't it be simple why does it have to be this way talked about the reason is because we are created we are among the nivra we are among the created God is the Creator and we are the created and being created creates two realities on the one hand when we focus on the fact that I am created I only exist I only serve at the pleasure of God I only exist because of the generosity and the graciousness of God and therefore I don't really have an identity or reality independent or outside of God he created I'm created because of them on the other hand simultaneously we feel but you know what he created me and now I exist I'm good to go thank you God I'm here now I'm a someone and I'm good to go I'll let you know if I need you I'm independent I have my own position my own status my own identity my own independence so being a nivra yields to reality simultaneously both are feeling dependent and independent feeling I have an identity and I have no identity it's intertwined with you and because there are those two realities that result from being among the created we have the two feelings one of them breeds I feel close ruts I'm running to you I feel close to you I feel connected to you tomorrow night 9 pm I spotted us at the beach for those who want to join us we're going to learn a little piece from and spread out on the dark Beach without our phones to have a genuine conversation with the almighty sometimes we're running to get close to him to talk to him to fill in his presence but then when we feel I'm independent I don't need you I'm good to go God then shove I feel distant I feel I'm on my own I either don't feel your presence see your presence don't feel I need your presence so it brings both reality the question is what's the avoda how do we serve them when we're in a position of Katniss we're in a place of smallness we're in a place of love not in a place of of high so you know we won't open the safer then by telling you a beautiful teaching of in advance of tomorrow night in the first volume he writes the following are very mistaken when they think at times that they have suddenly fallen in their Hashem it's not really a fall at all it is precisely because they're ascending from the level to level that all the old obstacles the desires confusions fantasies doubts impediments they reawaken and attack them a person must constantly work to subdue the barriers on every level the truth is it's not a fall at all even when you fall you tell you even when you feel you've Fallen you feel you're far away that's a fall because you ran into a sealant because you've been climbing every time you climb there'll be a ceiling that tries to get in your way and when you bounce off of it it feels like a fall but you just need to run through it or over it or around it what feels like a fall is really a regrouping it's a re-energizing that's the world we live in is constant change of highs and lows and he explains the beautiful safer in all of your ways there's a beautiful explanation of an old story that we know tells the story of shamai and hello that the convert came and said I want to become Jewish standing on one foot what does shall I do he chased them away with a rod chased them away with a instrument with a tool he went to hell what a hell of do he said I'll convert you so the market of message says the helicopter of meserich you know what was going on over here this knowledge that I want to become a Jew but only if I can have whole the whole Lucas I don't want broken Lucas I'll become a Jew if I could stand on one foot what is standing onward foot the highs one foot means balance I don't want any lows I don't want to fall I want to be able to stand on one foot I want to comfortably balance feel whole and happy I only want the highs of Yiddish kite I only want the Russian not the show of the Academy I only want the Godless not the Katniss I only want to feel the good and the pleasure what did shamai do he took a builder's Rod a builder's tool and chased him away why he's hinting that's not the structure of the world the Builder's tool that's not the way the world is built the way the world is created the world is highs and lows and we need to take a tool and repair we need to rebuild we need to climb we need to fix we need to repair there's ups and there's Downs he went to hello and hello felt the same way he was of the same opinion but hello said whatever you hate don't do to your friend out of love he said that he would teach him convert and later you teach him that is there's highs and there's lows and we have to learn to connect Hashem in all the circumstances so I guess next week we'll pick up with how how do you connect with Hashem in those moments of love and you feel far away when you feel distanced how do you connect to Hashem it's easy when you're on a high it's easy when you can't wait for the next comesets and you're dancing to that hey look at Jewish music you can't wait for the next dominant to pour out your heart to him and you can't wait to stay after I'm gonna sure to say to him please stay afterwards we have the to him each week after the I'm going to share it's easy when you're on a high in the ELA song you don't even want the fast to end it's easy what happens when you wonder where is he and why is he doing this and why don't I feel him and why don't I feel like doing anything how do you get going in those moments I mean it's Hashem we will pick up with next time tonight living with that tonight behind the beam at 9pm tomorrow evening 9 p.m I suppose at the beach outside now you can purchase your Cafe with Havana and your turn the page notebook which will be available online soon as well until next time stay happy Easter Alfie stay home