Living With Emunah (Part 226) - Turning the Page

good morning both your top welcome back to living with amuna so excited to be together and very excited to finally after much discussion to be able to have our caffeinate with cavanaugh brs they're available at the end this year this morning ten dollars cash check or venmo just stay at the end of share you have to be in person they will be available those who are watching online or listening online we have this great coffee mug caffeinate with cavanaugh great way to start your day every day buy one if you're going to use one ten dollars a piece they're available right at the end of sheer if you're listening or watching online we're still figuring out how we will send you how you could purchase if you buy one we're also going to throw in a behind the bema car magnet so buying the beam a car magnet and a caffeinate with kavanagh coffee mug what a day to start the day aren't you glad that you came in person today and that you are here the amuneshir the ammo shir is generously sponsored for the year by dr xavier morgan and member by dr brian galbet the colonel of rock on memory of bella's mother ellen chandler side is on the tenth of adar we observe both adars so it's coming up again we're deeply grateful to the morgans for their sponsorship this morning shir is also sponsored by brew pool and family for their fair shlima where's brew thank you bro for the refusal of her father ben sarah should have been complete speedy and painless reforest i want to thank alana landa where's alana thank you for designing this cup if you have any graphic design needs alana landau alana how can they be in touch with you regret look at this unbelievable stuff how can they be in touch with you for their graphic design needs alana landau that's easy alana landau gmail.com alana with an eye if you're listening watching anywhere in the world alana landau alana with an ilandau gmail.com everybody jump on board okay let's dive back into living with emunah how did the homework go now i'm gonna now that you all said it was great i want to ask you what the homework was let's see if you remember smile good you remember and it went wow turn the page start that book and turn the page amazing right amazing wow that's great amazing amazing so now that we finally got the cup done and by the way by next week we'll have our disposable version of this cup done i like drinking out of disposable cups i don't know why but the disposable version will be available next week next is our notebook lana's heart at work to turn the page it's our notebook that every morning you wake up and turn the page and that will remind us as we spoke about last week in the amunish year that rev ichimeier it's the name of our notebook every day it's a new page every day is a new page turn the page the hurt from yesterday the disappointment from yesterday the failure from yesterday to a degree the success and the triumph the happiness of yesterday you can't rely on and depend on today it is a new day you got to turn the page a willingness to turn the page when do you turn the page when do you not yet turn the page because you don't want to allow yourself to be stepped on or stepped all over you have to stand up for yourself that is a complicated topic we alluded to that still deserves to be spoken about but the general principle is a willingness to learn to turn the page so we're going to make notebooks where you could take your notes on the day and every morning you wake up and part of your ritual as you caffeinate with kavanagh you turn the page and you start again and it's a brand new day the haggis wake up in the morning bright sunshine optimistic hopeful it's a brand new day it's a brand new day a new belief in humanity a new belief in relationship and conversation hashem many people a new belief in yourself so many have given up on themselves they stop believing in themselves they just don't believe they're worthy they're capable they'll break through so turn the page turn the page with the three realms we live in believe in people turn the page with hashem and bin adam atmo we turn the page with ourselves we give ourselves another chance we start again we turn the page okay before we dive back into bim dara we've been talking smiling that was your other homework turn the page and smile smile before you walk in the home smile before the kids come in the car for carpool smile before you greet whoever's coming home to you smile before every meeting smile before every exchange when you smile the whole world smiles with you so did you find that the world smiles with you did it change things amazing fantastic send me your stories i love to share them so one insight before we dive back into biamd i saw this actually online this morning from my friend of mushad si weinberg he quotes the following we say in davoning and ashrae karov hashem is close to allah allah truth so normally we say to ourselves normally what this means you can go back to sitter snippet we're up to 350 something but i don't know somewhere much earlier when we did ashrae karov hashem hashem is close to allah however it has to be the ms you have to call him authentically genuinely it shouldn't be fake or counterfeit or fraudulent it shouldn't be superficial or surface you have to call out them for real talk to him not like he's your best friend he is your best friend not like he's right in front of you he is right in front of you talk to him the ms talk to him sincerely talk to him genuinely talk to him in earnest have a real conversation with him have a real conversation with him fill him in tell him what's going on be grateful protest and object tell them everything that's how we normally understand it promotions he quoted such a beautiful insight i don't know if it's a zone or from elsewhere he said hashem is close to all who call out to him really anyone who calls out even me but i'm a nothing i'm unworthy i'm incapable i've failed him so many times i've made so many promises i haven't fulfilled i feel so distanced i've fallen so far from him even me the ms the ms will answer anybody yes even you karov hashem is close to all who call out him it's really anybody even me the ms yeah even you even you the hola she crew is that beautiful i just saw that online this morning i said ah it's beautiful perfect for the umuna shear and that is the turn in the page but emma's turn the page even you it's a new day it's a new start but you don't have to wait for the next day i'll tell you a little secret you could turn the page in the middle of the day you can turn the page at 12 o'clock at night the end of your day whenever you're ready to turn the page you could turn the page and you could say you know what i don't have to feel shackled and debilitated and paralyzed by what just happened or by carrying all the baggage or history of the past i have to learn from it i have to reconcile parts of it i can't let people step all over me i have to stand up for myself but i also don't have to be defined by it i can also create a new reality for who i am and how i see myself and how i want to interact with the people around me and my relationship with hashem above me and my relationship with myself and what i believe about myself and who i am and where i'm going we're on page you have to tell me when i'm running out in the booklet we have to make more kufnan bayes oh gimmel we're still good yeah okay amazing the jose bedvirus so we've been talking now about let's just catch up all of us want to be happy all of us want to be joyful all of us want to smile across our face that's the secret to life the secret to longevity countless studies show you want emotional spiritual physical health be happy smile be speaking about it at the shabbos this shabbos we have our women's kiddish and shia following david it's partial zachar time to come back to shul but a women's kiddush and mini shear so a kiddush designed specially for women i don't know what that means like uh like a vegetarian yeah i don't know exactly what that means a lot of kubate is that what they call crudite i don't know exactly what it means crudite and fruit and yogurt and i don't know what um but women's kiddush and short shear and the topic of our shear is stay calm and carry on overcoming the hysteria of amalek the voice of amalek is the voice of hysteria of panic of anxiety and part of the defeat of amalek and the story of purim is how to stay calm and carry on so that is our topic that is our topic for shabbos morning following the 9 15 minute approximately 1105. that's our topic women's kiddush and we are totally biased and discriminatory in the shul we are totally not egalitarian we have a tremendous bias towards women in the history of the shul i don't know that we've ever had a men's kiddush and shir ever but we've had several women's conditions here so we are totally biased and discriminatory i'm waiting for the men to revolt and rebel against me kiddush club okay we've never had anything authorized by the shul that has been men's kiddush and and sheer okay so we're talking we want to be happy want to be basement that's the secret to longevity the secret to life happiness ah but the secret to feeling happy is feeling whole and none of us feel oh we're all incomplete and we're incomplete simply by virtue of being alive by being awake by having to confront the day by the fear of the unknown what could yet happen today that we don't know who knows what will be and what will happen so how can i feel whole and complete to which the answer is the only way to feel whole is to attach ourselves to the source of wholeness to the only being that is whole namely the abstract of the ribonus hashem god whatever you want to call him to our father in heaven we are whole when we attach ourselves to he who is whole and that completes us hashem you complete me we're not going to make anything with that on it that's already been taken but alana don't get any ideas but hashem you complete me you complete me i'm broken but you complete me as akatsuka there's nothing as whole as a broken heart so how do we feel that way what brings us down what makes us sad we feel that we're a failure we feel we've made mistakes when we feel that we act compulsively in a way that is inconsistent with our values and again secular research and literature says that when a person acts out in a way that's inconsistent with the stated values they claim to have they get depressed act out can mean anything it can mean going in debt because you spend money you don't have it means looking at images and acting on them that you shouldn't it means consuming substances engaging in behaviors but those very behaviors substances or materials that people think by engaging will bring them happiness actually does the opposite there's a momentary fleeting happiness and then there's a depression i'll give an example i think we can all relate to most of us can relate to that is a simple sort of benign example only it's not and it's in the area of food right so we say i don't want to eat it late at night and then there's the bag of cape cod potato chips that someone who claims to love us buys for us nonetheless we won't mention who they are maybe we forced them to and yell at them that they didn't and then they do but they don't really love us because they did so the cape cod potato chips they're supposed to know not to listen to us this is all hypothetical i'm talking about talking about my neighbor so so it's 11 o'clock at night there's a bag of cake potato chips you're hungry it's been a long night you finally have a moment to rest and you've eaten the entire bag you're just gonna have one but they're so good so you ate the whole bag so while you were eating it they're delicious the crunch the texture the fry the salt it's all the combination that's how they got you it's unbelievable it's unbelievable while you ate it it was unbelievable it was exactly what you needed it hit the spot and the second you're done you hate yourself i don't think i'm exaggerating when i use the words this hypothetical person says says i hate myself why did i do that i promised i would never do that it's late at night i have a stomach full of cape cod potato chips i'm about to lie horizontally for a few hours nothing good will come from that i won't feel good about this decision not only in the morning i don't feel good about it right now and i hate myself but i don't understand you just enjoyed it they were delicious the crunch the salt the texture why do you hate yourself the answer is because when we behave in a way inconsistent with what we claim and say we want to be we fall depressed that's the human psyche it's the way we were designed that's what your meyer is writing so the way to overcome that is to forgive ourself is to turn the page is to find the simcha nonetheless and say we may have failed we may have lost a battle but the war is not over and we turn a page so i got to the bottom of the bag so i'm going to create new boundaries no more potato chips a lock a combination on the cabinet whatever i need to do but i'm going to create new boundaries new protocols i may have failed but i'm going to turn the page and i'm going to forgive myself i'm going to learn from it i'm going to grow from it but i'm going to turn the page on it and i have a moon i've showed my faith in you you're with me when i eat the potato chips i said the bracha before why didn't you stop me i said the brock after but uh sometimes the eight sahara acts noble this is the most pernicious the most dangerous form of the atahara is now when the atar comes and says i'm the little devil on your shoulder and i'm definitely going to get you to do dangerous and bad and immoral and unethical things not the lilliate sahara that says we know we shouldn't be eating this we're going to eat it we shouldn't say this lesson we're going to say it we shouldn't look at this we're going to look at it not not the eight sahara that knows that what it's doing is wrong the most dangerous yet sahara is the one that dresses up and presents itself as the noble yetzer tov so yitahara says you know it's time to take inventory let's do a nephesh of your life let's evaluate who you are and all the mistakes you've made let's only remember and hold on to all the failures all the shortcomings let's remember how fallible you are how pathetic and lowly incapable and competent unworthy you are and the atari says why are we doing that because i had to grow you have to do you have to do say for hajj that benjamin franklin plagiarized and and wrote an english book based on the safer bananefesh it's fascinating you can google it and look it up is generally a very positive thing to take inventory of our lives to evaluate who we are and who we want to be and to make resolutions to get there it's generally a very positive thing but when it's the eight sahara trying to get you to do a cheshire when you're down and out when you're negative when you're not believing in yourself and just then the yet sahara kicks in and says now is the perfect time for a banana don't listen sometimes we do things we think they're okay upita and then the it's kicks in and says who are you and what are you why did you do that it's not okay nearly she don't is know that you're capable of more and better don't you know there are opinions that this is not okay don't you know that there's a doubt here maybe you made a mistake maybe you didn't follow the law maybe you didn't follow the rules nearest vegaranta made a mistake and look at what you caused and you destroyed the cosmos and the universe and the negative energy you brought into the world because maybe it was a milking fork in the dishwasher maybe you forgot to make a bracha maybe the thing you thought was okay to repeat was in fact washing around maybe we have all kinds of negative voices that creep and crawl into our head that's the atar trying to knock you down and knock you over and bring you down and make you sad and make you stop believing in yourself so the great rewitcher meyer morgenstern i would have said that's the it's hard that's it's a tough halloween people would think i got to live more cautiously and mindfully someone be conscious and conscientious of their behavior and worry maybe they're making mistakes i would have thought that the eights are atove but it's not that's a dangerous psychological disorder there's actually a name for it now it's called scrupulosity there's a name for it you can look it up in psychology where people essentially express ocd or anxiety tendencies through a religious filter and therefore feel good about it or at least don't feel the negative stigma of it so in other words the person who has an hour-long shmona sre but not because they're having great kavana because they have ocd obsessive compulsive disorder and they keep repeating the words thinking they didn't get it right there are people who are ocd when it comes to kasras or mikvah or other areas of law there's a fine line between being scrupulous and vigilant and virtuous and meritorious that we should admire and crossing the line of mental health where a person is using religion as a platform for other negative behaviors so there's actually a diagnosis of it today called scrupulosity and there's treatment for it my good friend my good buddy rabbi dr jonathan formerly tani schwartz is a sort of expert in the new jersey area on this very topic he's written about it and treats for it so richard meyer saying whether you have a diagnosis level scrupulosity or it doesn't rise to the level of diagnosis but simply we have that negative voice in our head that is always convincing us that we're getting it wrong you're getting it wrong you made a mistake it's not good enough you're not being strict enough that negative voice makes us sad it brings us down it makes us hopeless and helpless you need to know that taking inventory and being aware of your life being mindful of who you are setting goals for who you want to be all that's wonderful and it's great and it's important and we don't do enough of it but you know maybe you have to sit down and have an evaluation which is not going to knock you down and bring you down but which is going to build you up and make you better the goal is not to be depressed the goal is not to feel miserable about ourselves the goal is not to feel unworthy the goal is to feel who we could be and what we're capable of to strive for more videos it's like parent-teacher conferences with ourselves you know the goal of parent teacher conference is not to go home and beat your kids up you didn't do this and you did the other thing wrong and i heard you disrupting class and you don't try hard enough you're underachiever and you're miserable okay give me your devices and have a good night that's not the goal of parent-teacher conferences by the way parenthetically the goal of parent-teacher conferences is also not to beat the teacher up if we have a teacher crisis across the entire spectrum of the jewish community and of the firm world there's enormous crisis of we can't get teachers and rebbe's in muhammad i don't care which part of the firm world you're part of there is a crisis it was the theme of the tournament conference this year you can't get teachers and maybe there's a lot of reasons a lot of variables salary a big part of it but a big part of it also is instead of admiring the teachers and putting them on a pedestal and be grateful for their sacrifice today we beat them up and we talk about them at our table and our kids are always right and the teacher's always wrong so who in the right mind will want to go into that often says when we were kids children would sit there on parent-teacher conference night is the only night of the year that you went to sleep early before your parents got home because you didn't want to hear what they had to say and the feedback and the consequences maybe it's just me and you have it you were all perfect students and you stayed up and you couldn't wait to get the accolades maybe not even but i was asleep early on parent teacher conference night so it used to be that kids would sit there they would they would they would shake and fear a parent teacher conference night now the teachers shake in fear what are the parents going to yell at me about what are they going to criticize me for what did i do wrong why am i to blame for whatever is going wrong with their child how do we get into that oh because we have parent teacher conference night with ourselves so you don't come home from here and teach your conference night and beat your kid up you're incapable you're unworthy you're an underachiever you're a misfit you're disruptive but you come on when you say your teacher said you do x y and z wonderfully and you have a b and c potential you know but there are areas we could do better there are areas that you could grow into more you have such potential let's realize it how can we support you in becoming the best version of yourself that's the conversation a parent has when they come home not you're a failure and a garnish to nothing you'll never amount to anything and you're hopeless and your teacher says you're terrible what will a child grow to be if that's what they heard the child has to hear you're amazingly capable and you have such potential and here are so many ways that you're already getting it right and here are ways that we can still yet get it right and get it better let's do this you got this we can be a better version of you that's the conversation so victor meyer says that's the conversation with ourselves too when we have these judgmental moments when we pause and consider and evaluate our lives when we reflect on where we've been and where we're going we should stop and say not you're miserable and worthy and capable is low life reject failure of a nothing we stop and we say okay what did we get right what can we have pride in what are we grateful for but yet who can we still become where is our room for growth what could we do better how can we be a better version of ourselves the claw goddesses of jeremiah is a key key principle listen to that sentence i'm going to say it again listen carefully ladies and those online gentlemen listen carefully claudgado is a key critical principle called every concept every topic every thought in the service of hashem that causes sadness and yayish yayosh what's yayish yahushua's despair yesh is giving up you know is i have this bottle of water and i drop it outside it fell out of my bag somewhere and someone discovers it are they allowed to keep it would say this bottle of water yes there's no name there's no label there's no identifying mark maybe if it fell in my parking spot in the parking lot they can assume it came out of my car but generally speaking you find this in a public space you can keep it why what's the halachic mechanism that allows you to keep it yes the other person gave up they therefore relinquished ownership when i keep it why aren't i stealing it from someone this is someone else's bottle of water aren't they i'm getting thirsty aren't i stealing it hydrate make water bottles hydrate with kavanaugh caffeinate with kavanaugh hydrate with kavanagh energize with kavanaugh we're going to come out with a whole s this could be great alana you and i are going to get rich we're not going to get rich every dollar ten dollars a cup at the end of year every dollar goes to the shul every dollar goes to shul alana graciously donated her time and i don't get one penny every dollar goes to the shul alana landau gmail.com with an eye she's she's been amazing for me and for the shul and she's fantastic at what she does so you'll you'll be helping yourself so anything yesterday-ish so you find this why aren't you stealing it belongs to someone why are you allowed to keep it what's the answer it doesn't belong to anyone ah but what do you mean it's someone's bottle of water the answer is no they had yeah means they relinquished ownership it no longer belongs to them they relinquished ownership they no longer own it they gave up ownership so now i can take it it's hefcker it's owner lis i can acquire that's why you're allowed to keep a lost object how lucky you have to return a lost object we don't say finders keepers losers weepers that is not a jewish concept we believe in hashabas veda is a mitzvah of hashabas you have to return a lost object hashem so why why then can i keep some things the answer is when it's something that i won't be able to identify the owner and return it in those circumstances i can assume they give up ownership and i can keep it that's yayish that's yayish this is a beautiful song we sang get here when rav weinberger was here that rav nachman of brussels screamed out ain shum yeah there's no yayish in this world i would sing it for you but i don't want to hurt your eardrums there is no despair in this world there's no giving up hope there's no owning our desk there's no stopping to own our destiny in this world this notion of yehesh so says richard meyer if there's a thought if there's a pattern of thought if there's a topic which causes you to become sad and despondent and have despair which gives you yayish which makes you give up makes you become hopeless and helpless it takes away your sheikh it takes away your drive it puts it extinguishes your fire the makkor for that thought the makkar for that conversation is the yetzahara the source of that thought is the yetzahara get rid of it overcome it purge it drive it out it's never a positive thought it's never a positive thought if you're thinking and your conversation and you are consumed with thoughts that make you sad and negative and down and depressed and despair and hopeless and helpless that is always only the yetzahara speaking kimitov nolato from negative energy creates negative reality and positive energy creates a positive reality nobody promoted more than than nobody promoted this more than is positivity bias i think there's a book positivity bias about the reba's attitude and approach of positivity i've shared with you many times the rebbe said in the very language that we use he was asked to give an endorsement to a hospital a new hospital in israel he said on one condition it's not a big hulim it's not a building for sick people it's a bait refua if it's a building for sick people while you're lying there you feel i'm sick i'm in a building for sick people but if it's a building for healing and health then you feel i'm getting better i'm in a building for getting better so much so that the rabbit didn't use the words deadline you got to get your article we're going to print on the weekly there's a deadline he said deadline has the word dead we call it a due date a due date something's about to be born so we have to get the project in because something's about to be born it's a due date not a deadline i'll give you 100 other examples not my own that the rebbe insisted when he spoke to people and among his schlitzen who when you meet and i'm not romanticizing i know it's not perfect but for the most part whom you meet are just filled with positive energy and light and love and hope and positivity did you see the picture of all of the companies that are no longer in russia and there's like a thousand logos and it said the one that's still in russia and it was a picture of chabad but it's amazing correctly all these companies have left russia and the only one says i'm like the only one still operating in russia it's unbelievable unbelievable so the positivity bias of the rebbe it's a due date not a deadline it's a building for healing not a building for sick people and so many other examples the very language that we use creates reality where did he get this from it's not just the rabbi here it's review use positive words and they'll be positive results have a positive energy you'll bring a positive consequence to the world have a positive demeanor and a positive bias and you'll create a positive reality the opposite's also true you know there are people who walk into a room and their negative face kills the energy in the room before they open their mouth they don't have to say a word they walk in the room and they murder all the positive energy in the room they're corpses of positive energy lying everywhere they're murderers they have murdered the positive energy you want to say to them stop walk out put a smile walk back in we need cpr in here right away right away stop walk out come back try it again because when you sit at the dinner table or you walk into the home or you go into that conference room for that meeting and you're just negative it's not going to work and everything's miserable i'm so tired everything's down and i can't take it no world's falling apart you need a spiritual defibrillator everybody sitting there is just like you just killed me i actually thought the world's a great place and i was excited and happy and optimistic and positive but i guess i guess i was wrong i guess i should be miserable with you misery loves company so when you're miserable and negative and foreign you create that reality we know that by the way miserable people walk around and the people react and respond to them miserably which just makes them more miserable and blaming the other people for their misery and the positive people create positive realities about them talked good and said think good it will be good our energy that we put into the universe creates the reality where'd there ever get that from where did richard meyer get it from what's the word for speech la da bear de boer is speech what's the word for a thing this cup is a thing i don't know if you heard we produced a cup caffeinated what's the word davar why is it the same word dalai bay's resh davar and same word why because you create a thing with your speech we create a davar with our dibor we create reality with our speech with our attitude positivity breeds positive results and negativity creates a negative reality so if the thought you're having right now if that thought pattern that you're persevering and marinating in people marinate in a sous-vide of negativity impressed uv impressed isn't it like 24 hours like long sous-vide isn't that so they sit in stew and they're sous-vide of negativity until they're entirely flavored with negativity and they create negative reality they walk in a room the people around them business relationships spiritually religiously we control our destiny happiness is a decision it's not an emotion act positively have a positive energy use positive language you'll bring about a positive result try it before you disagree and tell me why it won't work and it never worked it never will work try it try it next week we'll take a poll so if you're having those thoughts if you're having thoughts says richard meyer if you're having thoughts i'm unworthy i'm incapable i'm incompetent it'll never be better this is just my reality i have no muslims the way it's meant to be then you're going to bring about that reality but we don't believe that it says and sings the holy of nachman a conscious despair and a subconscious despair which has halal consequences when you can keep a lost object do we believe the person explicitly gave up hope or implicitly gave up hope the gemara uses a phrase that yeyosh shalom which is an implicit despair but we say yes shalom if you've given up if you have yayosh it's shalomi das it's because you're not thinking clearly because if you're thinking clearly there's always hope there's always belief there's always turning the page there's always a fresh start there's always a new beginning there's always a reason to be positive there's always a positivity bias be biased towards being positive look for the positive again i want to get i want to do two more sentences but i wish there were more time you see this in relationships all the research shows again dr john gottman five compliments for every criticism positivity bias the criticism will be heard much better in the context of five compliments for every criticism in marriage with employees and co-workers with our children in life to have a positivity bias gottman talks about a negativity bias and a positivity bias you know what that is there are people who wake up in the morning and everything is wrong before the day even started they're angry at their spouse before their spouse even opened their eyes they could do no right they look at the world with a negativity bias and then there are people who have a positivity bias most often when we're newlyweds or courtship or we're engaged that's when we have the positivity bias you know so even the the total faults and flaws and warts and pimples of the other person aren't they adorable idiosyncrasies aren't they the cutest it's a positivity bias we have they could do no wrong whatsoever and then we get married for a little while and there's a negativity bias they could do no right everything they do is wrong everything they do is wrong from the way they say good morning until the way they say good night and everything in between so that's what marriage therapist counsels experts say do you have a negativity bias or a positivity bias what's the paradigm what's the bias what are the glasses you're wearing there are people who look at the world through glasses where everything is amazing they see what's amazing this year is dedicated in memory of my dear friend by dr brian gabbat who saw the world through the glasses of everything is amazing he lay on his deathbed looking up at ivs and tubes and machines and in the last moments that he could speak which unfortunately there was a long time before he passed away that he couldn't he was still just using the words isn't hashem amazing isn't everything amazing is my family amazing you could wear positivity glasses on your deathbed and you could have everything in the world health and money and you look through these negativity glasses and everything's miserable you could be on your deathbed and everything's amazing and you could have every blessing that anyone could want and everything is terrible which glasses do you want to wear which glasses are you putting on in the morning now you'll say well it's not my fault this is the way my mother was this is my dna these are my genetics if i had a different spouse they'd bring me down every day i wish they would make me i wish i lived with someone who made me we could come up with a billion reasons why it's not our fault but we put on our glasses nobody else puts them on for us we put on those contact lenses there are people who can even have lasek surgery to change their vision entirely but we put on those glasses it's up to us um that means that even when we make a mistake we can learn from it we can grow from it we could and should feel a little bit of healthy shame from it but we shouldn't feel sad from it sadness is just a trait sadness is equality sadness is a feeling that never breeds anything good i'm not talking about you lose a loved one you shouldn't feel sad available grieving there are reasons to feel sad if you lost a billion dollars you should feel sad there's a bracha diana when we make bracha there are reasons to feel sad you pause and you feel sad again apply the five by five rule if it won't matter in five years don't let it matter for more than five minutes there are things that will matter in five years you lose a loved one you lose your fortune they'll matter in five years and it will matter for more than five minutes and it's okay to be sad there are times that we're sad there are times that we grieve so i'm not saying never be sad but the sadness because we bring ourselves down we have negative thoughts we are wracked by guilt and shame that sadness never ever breeds anything good it's a hara tzahara don't indulge it don't listen to it don't feed it don't be brought down the pathway to growth to breakthrough is joy is happiness which we'll speak more about hashem the shabbos with what's called vegetables and fruit crudite and fruit and kiddush at the women's kiddush and mini shear stay calm and carry on defeating the hysteria of amalek this shabbos morning tonight we go behind the bema with your kevin goldberg and all of the rabbis and rabbits and staff of brs this is our marathon edition our global edition if you've not yet contributed to the global campaign if you're a member of brs you're doing your part but if you're not a member of brs and you enjoy our urum and our classes and our writings please do your part beat us online.org global beers online.global right now caffeinated with galvanic cups lee 10 cash check venmo should be available until next time and you get your magnet stay happy stay healthy and stay