Living With Emunah (Part 218) - Whole and High on Hashem

good morning bogartov welcome back to our living with and luna so good to be together as always we begin with our gratitude special thank you to the sponsors for the series of the year dr david bella morgan memory of rabbi dr brian galbet it's the chronological memory of bella's mother dr ellen shan for the show this morning sponsored by erlester ariela stern in honor of the yurt side of igor ben arya leib on zainshvat by hannah aloof in memory of her brother alan wilder who's loved school and books thank you very much and by nadine and john rosenblatt soros tell us justice in good health for their mother judith yehudas esther bass razil okay we are back with simha we're back living with great joy and great happiness because we see hashem's role in our life we are learning morgenstern i still told you that i met him recently in israel and still processing that experience still absorbing that experience and i look forward to sharing it with you uh at some point in the near future but he's been scribing for us the notion of simcha joy we've talked about joy joy is like a pilot life on the one hand we're told in the month of adar marbin in the month of adar we increase and we promote when we expand our sense of joy we're even happier we're even more joyful we share even more with one another in the month we diminish and we reduce our sense of joy we temper our sense of joy in the month of of notice it never says that we extinguish our sense of joy we never live without joy because to live without joy is to not be alive to live with that simcha is to not be living and so we always have a nugget we always have a core but simcoe is like a pot you don't know what a pilot you know what a pilot light is now they don't know what a pilot is the electric stove the electric oven nobody knows what a pilot light is the pilot light was always lit and when you turned on the stove you were able to light a fire from it or you expanded it you flamed it and you were done cooking you would diminish it you would lower it you would shut it so simka is that pilot light it's always on it's always burning in the background there are moments that we expand it and there are moments that we reduce it or diminish it but sim has to always be going on you have to be happy and joyful and positive and optimistic and that has to be our default demeanor we shouldn't have to manufacture it we shouldn't have to hear good news or have a great meal or experience a great event in order to be able to be basement and the default the rest of the time is we're walking around fabulous and a miserable angry complaining negative there are many people that's their default status that's they wake up in the morning everything's terrible well i i'm not sure yet but i'm sure it will be it will be i'll find out momentarily give me a minute give me a minute and i'll tell you why but they wake up already everything's a problem usually it's the person they wake up next but everything's a problem that's what they blame but everything's always in a problem you wake up that should not be a jew's default status our default is not i'm miserable i'm angry i'm complaining i'm negative i'm critical and oh by the way i had good news so for a window of five minutes i'll be happy the default is i'm happy and if it's interrupted i had a challenging situation i had bad news i had a struggle so it's not gone it's not extinguished but it's diminished until i'm able to retrieve it so we talked about why isn't it in the torah if being baseball being so joyful and happy where's the mitzvah we have 613 and we count so many things as mitzvos where's the mitzvah name the chapter and verse is to be happy it doesn't appear in the torah so we spoke about vital's message that midos yosef tsarkalizar midosaros yosemic mitzvos the foundation the ground floor are the character traits the qualities of who we are we then build up upon it the mitzvos the positive the negatives we avoid are all building up but the ground for the foundation is to be is to have good middles to have good qualities to have good character and to be to be joyful we're on page zion 147 the bottom paragraph so we asked here's where we left off what is the biggest obstacle the biggest challenge the biggest problem why why do people struggle to be with simka what is the biggest reason that people struggle to feel joy to be basement because simche is equated with shlaimus to be basimha to be happy is equated with feeling whole with feeling complete what does it mean to feel whole and complete it means that everything's good everything makes sense everything's for a reason everything is on on the trajectory i want it to be does anyone feel shelling though does anyone in the world in life feel whole impossible nobody feels whole there's always something missing always someone clutching i want someone who could feel better always someone who could be happier there's always more that we could have there's always a reason to see what's missing to see what's missing for everyone in whatever way and whatever reason there's something missing so how do you achieve slam us if feeling whole of feeling showing feeling complete is the formula to feeling happy so what do we do we've got a problem right now on the one hand we define happiness and joy as resulting as stemming from feeling whole on the other hand we've said that nobody in this world feels whole no one's entitled to feel whole no one should anticipate feeling whole nobody is whole we have moments or pockets of feeling whole of feeling showing but otherwise to wake up the half challenges of the day there's challenges each and every day if you don't have challenges you're not living life you didn't get out of bed so if that's the recipe for happiness and yet nobody can have it doesn't mean nobody can ever be happy that's the question if to feel happy you have to feel shallow you have to feel whole and people struggle with feeling whole so does that mean that we can never feel happy that's his question so mr meyer says the following this is where we left off last week and this is the insight this is the avodah this is the work that we have to do allah the answer is that a person on their own page 147 kuffman a person on their own a person living life who thinks i'm independent i'm isolated i'm by myself there's no god and there's no rene reason there's no meaning there's no purpose it's me and me alone so then i'll never feel whole whatever struggles whatever challenges i confront or encounter whatever pain i endure i can't explain it there's no reason there's no meaning there's no purpose there's no order to it then i'm not whole i'm broken i walk around broken but there is someone something whole that we can hold on to that we can latch on to that we can grab onto ah he is the one and only the unique and exclusive and will be hashem is the source of all he's the infinite omnipotent omniscient being he's all-powerful he's in charge he's in control and he's intimately involved in our lives and when we recognize that and realize that and when we submit and we surrender to him when we let go and let god then we realize my life is whole too if he's in charge he's in control he's all-knowing if everything he does is by definition for the good then even when i feel that there's something lacking or absent there's a hole in my heart or in my life it can be filled with him it can be filled by grabbing on and latching on and holding on to him attach ourselves to him and be joyful and happy in him he's the answer he is the answer god is the answer people try to fill that hole with all kinds of other things it's an epidemic in this country it's not being spoken about drug overdoses and drug addiction and addiction in general the spike of mental illness because people have a hole in their heart does anyone feel whole omnicron is carve chipping away there's a hole in everyone's heart it's bad news it's already another variant it has a name but i won't say its name mostly because i don't remember its name but there's a variant there's another variant i said yesterday in the past year that my dear friend ahri told me a vort para went through nine plagues this particular comes to the tenth plague cancer nine plagues and he still doesn't believe that there's god he doesn't believe moshe's message how could it be my buddy ari told me you know why because para thought it was really one plague with nine variants now we know now we know so what what plague are we up to now if you count what plague what plague somewhat somewhat a real plague somewhat self-imposed but that's not for now that's neither here nor there but the point is who right now is shelling who shall aim the decisions we have to make and the calculations and the coordinating and the testing and the who's showing who's showing right now with what's going on in the world what's going on in our lives so there is an answer you know you can feel whole you can feel complete not with drugs and not with alcohol not with gambling and not with acting out online or offline we fill that hole in our heart not by numbing ourselves at neiman marcus or shopping on amazon.com that'll make you feel better for five minutes until the credit card bill comes but that's not going to make you feel good to fill the hole in the heart is to fill it with hashem is to latch on and grab on and realize whatever this is it's not for naught whatever this is it's for a reason i submit i surrender i let go and i let god i'm not in charge i'm not in control i can't micromanage i can't overpower i cannot control the world i have to let go it is what it is if you have to fly anywhere right now on because flights are cancelled left and right because the staff is canceling left and right because they're testing so you could i saw an interview yesterday with some network some girl trying to get three flights were canceled she was at the airport deniz was there it was the fourth flight that she was trying to take within a few days okay so you that's not charlay and you'll go crazy you go out of your mind unless you say to yourself i wasn't meant to be on those flights i wasn't meant to get there at that time this is the way it is what's the alternative to that anxiety worry depression anger resentment rage like what's the alternative show me how the alternative will take a train tell me how the alternative tell me how the alternative will make things better you won't get there faster if you fly off the handle you won't get there faster if you fly off the handle when yahweh and i went to israel we had an un for us unprecedented 17-hour delay our flight wednesday night at 805 pm took off thursday at 1 pm wow which meant we got there a day later and we missed something we were going whatever so there were people there were people flipping out it was not a pleasant terminal to be hanging out and sleeping over in whatever camping in um but it didn't get you on the plane faster you didn't get the plane to israel any faster in your email to the airline customer service you can express your disappointment but in the moment we just kept saying to each other this is hashem's will this is when we're meant to get there first of all be super enormously grateful you can get there at all today but this is the will this is the will this is the will you may have received a postcard in your mailbox yesterday i'm not going to get into it sent an email about it today we have an amazing event next week you should all be there night celebrating israel governor desantis is speaking virtually the keynote speakers ambassador david friedman shapiro is speaking special envoy uh for anti-semitism at the koani misspeak it's an amazing event we're doing it with latino coalition for israel how blessed we are that there are non-jews who care about israel we're so blessed some get it some don't those who don't have launched a campaign they put a postcard they're doing a lot more and a lot worse than that it's okay so you say this is hashem this hashem so i said to a friend the other night i said to a friend on monday night what's bothering me most about this i'm not emotionally bothered whatever i'm not i'm not emotionally bothered by the negative attention i'm bothered how much time it's taking away from me so many better things to be doing and having to respond their plan or whatever it is the time so the person said to me they gave me a great muscle they're 100 right and i'm indebted to them they said it's not a waste of time by definition because if hashem made this happen and it requires you to respond then that's what you're meant to be doing with that time so when life challenges us and puts us in a position where we have to spend time at something we'd rather not instead of saying that's a waste of time who are you to argue with him he decided that's not a waste of your time he decided that's how you should be spending your time right now why i'm still believe me we're in the middle of a big conversation i'm not exaggerating we've been having a lot of confidence i've been doing most of the talking so far but we're in the middle of a big conversation he's trying to figure out what hashem why why is this the use of my time why is this the the content of the attention being given right now why is this uh something that needs to be dealt with why okay maybe i'll find out maybe i won't but either way i have to go into it knowing so what i could either hide under the bed be depressed cry to your heaven and say why me and it's embarrassing and it's what you could say it's from hashem first of all thank you for helping promote our program we didn't have to pay for the glossy postcard they helped us promote our program we didn't have to pay someone to deliver it so you could look at it and you could say thank you hashem this is how i'm meant to be spending my time i'm not telling you that right now for sympathy i'm telling you right now because i want to give you a real-time example of my working my avodah in the area that we're learning happy happy because it's what's meant to be it's when i'm it's how i'm meant to be spending my time it's what it's what it is right now because this person and that campaign couldn't happen if he didn't want it if he weren't to allow it that doesn't mean we don't need to do what we need to do to hold people accountable and to act responsibly of course we do but it couldn't happen if you didn't will it you have a fender bender somebody bumps you in the back of your car so on the one hand you collect their insurance information you deserve for them to pay for the repair of your car you don't say imagine the person who bumped your fender gets out you say could i have your insurance say no no no i just came from the amunisher you're supposed to realize that this is from hashem that i bumped your car let me forward you the link so why isn't that correct why isn't that right why don't we have a right to say i won't be paying for your offender because that's what hashem wanted to happen to you this morning the amunisher why is that not right because that's not what hashem wants hashem says there's rules there's regulations there's laws operate within them and they include holding people accountable however as far as we're supposed to accept and receive and absorb hashem so can i have your insurance information and then i'm going to go talk to hashem about why it was right for me to have a fender bender this morning what am i meant to learn from it how am i meant to grow from it why do i need to experience it not only to not be angry about it be grateful because this is what was meant for me but by the way you're paying for my new fender it's not a contradiction to do what we need to do to hold accountable and simultaneously to realize for ourselves that this is what's meant to be so what am i going to do get angry get anxious is that going to help is that going to resolve nothing am i going to be negative for this and i'm miserable is that going to make things better only much worse and this is the core of the mitsubishi again is not you know did you see my new jewelry did you see my new shoes did you see it in my new bottle of single malt did you see my new bottle of wine did you see the amazon package at the door simcha is not even just did you hear the news my kid is engaged the baby was born that is a source of simcha but within each of those simchas what is this about it is attaching connecting identifying hashem you know what whatever was missing wherever there's that hole in my heart you fill it that knowledge that you're in charge you're in control there's a reason that's what fills that hole in my heart that's what gives me the strength the energy the courage to get through the day i don't know why i don't know if i'll ever know why but hashem what gives me the strength to get through the day is the knowledge that what i went through as painful as unbearable as it is it is your will it's what you want it's what you want our beloved mr judah is martin judovic he spoke and he said it in several occasions in several different contexts but when asked you lost your parents you lost your family you lost your community you lost everything everything i often think that whatever we're going through in this world and i mean there people have gone through horrible things horrible loss of loved ones horrible loss of children victims of of abuse assault they're horrible things people go through but when we think about what one holocaust survivor went through they went through the tragedies of everyone we know put together we don't know people bark hashem today you say i lost my parents my siblings my spouse my children and my entire community was wiped out with only a handful we don't know so we asked mr judith right i lost my money i started from scratch i became an immigrant in a country i didn't know the language like we we can't fathom we literally can't fathom or comprehend it we don't understand it so we ask mr judobits how do you have faith in hashem and right naturals faith because survivors we would never judge any who were different but the survivors i knew including amazing grandparents and many others it's not just that they lived and continued to have faith they had simcha they had a joy for life they haven't grandfathered out to sleep with the radio on his whole life if he closed his eyes and there wasn't something playing he was back in those in those in those places of gahannam so life had to ask us because he couldn't so this is a person who every night when he closed his eyes went to gehennam but when he opened them in the morning you'd never know it wouldn't speak about it didn't talk about it and didn't walk around miserably so happy he'd see you how are you what's happening he's always concerned they like you at your job when you came from that when all the children and grandchildren when you came from when you lost everything and you rebuilt there was always a fear of are you stable so that was always they like you at your job it's okay you're doing well that was always a question but happy nobody was happier at a birthday party at a simcha yant of table simcha survivors so we asked mr judowitz how lost it all how are you not only with faith how are you with simcha so he said you know i lost my mother i lost my father i lost everyone i had one father left i should lose him too i have one father left i lost my parents i long for them i miss them but i have one father left i should choose to lose him too i need him more than ever he didn't just say that he lived it he lived it was extraordinary really extraordinary and that's simcha so we latch on and we attach ourselves when we have that hole in our heart we're going through that difficult day we're going through that challenging time and there are victims all over the world of behavior with the latest news has triggered them and peeled off the scab or the scar of their pain and they're revisiting it right now it's unfathomable and for many of them unbearable and there's a whole that's reopened in their heart we should fill it with our sympathy empathy love and support and unequivocally clear and emunah faith hashem for be it from us to say to that victim well this was hashem's plan but part of feeling strength and healing is to realize that as unjust as unfair as accountable as we have to hold us for showing terrible perpetrators as much as we have to do to protect as much as we have to do to be on the right side we don't understand but whatever we go through in life like a holocaust survivor we're capable of simcha it could become a part of our life it doesn't have to define our total life our entire life who we are smoking how can you be so happy how can how could someone be so happy what do you mean i could be so happy i have hashem this year is dedicated to memory of brian galbraith till his last day till his last consciousness he would say hashem is amazing he said brian hashem is amazing you're on your death bed you're in your mid-40s hashem is amazing he felt it he didn't say it so that i would talk about it for years to come every wednesday morning at the ammunition dedicated in his name so he was just simply you never met a more basimka person you've never met a more mitzvah leo specifically person hashem is amazing so we we forget it because you think right now american airlines is not so amazing and right now this lab report is not so amazing and right now the news is not amazing so we forget so we have to attach ourselves and link ourselves and grab on and ride the coattails of the people who are capable of living basimkha because they know hashem is amazing they fill that hole in their heart their hole in their soul with hashem you can't be shelling without him it's not a coincidence and i know people think i talk a lot about this i do because i think there's a lot of wisdom there there's a lot of wisdom there i'm not part of the program if i were i wouldn't be ashamed to be because i think it's brilliant and the little i've been blessed to learn about it but the 12-step program which is the most successful program of recovery includes as a fundamental step submitting to a higher power and if you've ever been there and you've watched enormous diverse people in a room who are all declaring out loud that i cannot control this unless i submit to a higher power there's a hole in my heart there's something missing i used to numb myself with this addiction but i need to fill that hole with something healthy not the addiction and what is it submitting to a higher power what does the atheist or agnostic do it's a recovery not for now not for us but this default of the program is one of the critical fundamental steps is yes they don't use those words but one of the fundamental steps is submitting to a higher power i can't do this alone whatever holds in my heart i can't navigate this world if i think i'm in charge it's not going to happen because there's so much we can't control so much we can't predict so much we can't anticipate so much we're not in charge of so much that we can't endure so how do we fill that hole only with hashem only by submitting to a higher power i would love to it would never work i'd love to before we start broccoli every davening we should all announce out loud we submit to a higher power ashrae submit to ipower let's sit around dinner before we bid dinner and make a bracha we submit to a higher power whatever it is all times in all places wherever we go whatever we're doing he is with us he is no one there is nothing but him that's it we go through the illusion we live a charade we do our part because that's how the world was programmed but afterwards we do not buy into the illusion we don't buy into the hype we know in the end of the day who's in charge who's in control and where it comes from if postcards are in mailboxes there are disturbed people doing it and we have to address it but we don't become bent out of shape because it's from hashem hashem was the mailman because if not it couldn't have happened it wouldn't have happened so what are we meant to learn so instead of being bent out of shape crying curled up in the fetal position hiding under the bed woe is me instead you have a big smile and happiness because you're not broken you're whole how are you whole when there's brokenness it's filled with hashemis he is always with us always wherever whenever he is right there even when it feels like he's abandoned us even when it feels like he's far away sometimes that's when he's closest that's when he's closest it's the kotzker who said there's nothing as whole as a broken heart there's nothing as whole as a broken heart you know when you feel whole without hashem you're the most broken because you're it's dangerous whatever is making you feel that hole while you're really broken it's dangerous it's counterfeit it's fake it's dangerous so it's when you realize that you're broken that you're the most whole as long as you fill it with the right thing there's nothing as whole as a broken ark he does only good for us he watches over us he guards us so we don't understand it we don't understand it no more than our kids understand why we don't let them go to the party or hang out with those friends or experiment with that substance they don't understand it or run in the middle of the street or stick their finger on the outlet they don't understand it and they say you hate me and i hate you and you make me be miserable and what's the matter and why are you doing this to me to which we respond i don't expect you to understand it right now and maybe you will or won't one day but i want you to know i'm doing it because i love you that is the only reason and whether you will see or understand it or not one day know that i'm doing it only because i love you and hashem asks us to do the exact same thing because he loves us you want to feel whole then realize you're broken you want to be broken then live like you're whole if we realize that whatever challenges are obstacles or tensions or people or challenge whatever's going on in our life he is the answer submitting to our power is the answer it's where we derive our strength and our courage and our resilience and all the ingredients necessary to be able to overcome whatever is coming our way that's it we just tend to forget we forget it is intoxicating to think we're in charge it is our instinct and our intuition to think we're in control for good and for bad we swell with false pride when things go right and we panic when things go wrong because we forget about him we forget about him but the more we spend time talking about him and remembering him and thinking about him involving him and including him seeing him and identifying him being grateful to him then the more it will kick in so you get a flurry of texts because and i love everybody but every member of the school felt they were the first to tell you did you see the postcard that came in my mailbox which is beautiful and i'm grateful and everybody's loyal and loves you but it's a lot of text but if you're working on your ammuna you just look at it and you laugh okay today's challenge all right hashem today's challenge today's challenge hashem let's figure this out together bo alparo not lo whatever challenge hashem gives us he doesn't say okay here's today's challenge you don't feel like you wake up that day which kid's not gonna feel well today and what are the domino effects on the rest of your family if you have children at home that's how you've been living for the last two years for the last two years and the mental health consequences are beginning to show now and khalil they're only going to show even worse but if you've been living at home with kids for the last two years who go to school every day you wake up wondering which one's going to tell you this morning i don't feel well that was never fun when a kid said i didn't feel well but it meant maybe a doctor's visit maybe a sick day maybe a mental health day it didn't mean uh oh who else needs to be tested to be able to get back how is the impact how do we lock you in your room and quarantine you from everyone else what does it mean how long will we wait online to get a test so if you have kids school age at home you wake up every day for the last two years with that angst with that anxiety with that pit in your stomach so if we think we're in charge we're in control and life is so unpredictable we don't know what will be then that's eating you up inside you wake up every day like that but if you wake up every day and you say hashem what do you got for me today let's see i'm going to open my email what do you have for me today let's open whatsapp let's see what's happening online what yeah some days it's quiet that's when you worry the most some days there's good news some days you open your email and you say wow some days you open your email and you say wow there's great news i didn't know i didn't hear an opportunity or connect whatever it is but often we wake up and we say sean what do you have in store for me today what's today what do you got for me today but if you wake up and you say world what do you have for me today i can't take it i'm challenged it's miserable it's impossible what was me i'm a victim i'm a martyr you can't get through the day if you wake up and you say hashem it's an adventure what do you got for me today i went to predicted mailbox and postcards just like two and a half years ago we went to predicted q-tips up our nose and whatever else we have to do and wait for every day hashem what do you have for me today what do you have for me today and bo el para hashem doesn't say lich so we're supposed to feel i show whatever you have for me it's not what you have for me today it's what do you have for us today arm and arm hand in hand what are we going through today what are we waiting online for today what are we overcoming today what are we planning for today what are we responding to today what do you have in store for us today when you live that way you could be vicintra what do you have for us today that's it you know if you have to wait online to get tested and you're waiting alone you're miserable but if you go with your best friend who hopefully is your spouse or someone else who you enjoy spending time with so you say okay we're spending time we never get time it's quality time online hashem you're with me wherever we go you're my best friend i'm never alone so what do you have oh a 17 and a half hour delay on our flight fun such quality time together what do you have for us today what are we going through today so we could be basement no one could rob us of that symbol life can throw us all kinds of curveballs people can throw us all kinds of curveballs they can take a lot away from us but martin judovitz and many others taught us they can't take away our simcha no one and nothing not cancer and not the people who are cancers and not delays and flights and nothing can take away our simha we we alone are in charge are in control we'll pick up with that next time but we are in charge are we under control we define our demeanor and who we are don't hand the keys to that to anyone else it's the most precious thing you have it's the ground floor it's the foundation of everything else do not give away the keys to anyone else for that it's what we hold on to nine o'clock tonight we're going behind the beam of nissan black until next time stay happy stay healthy and stay healthy