Living With Emunah (Part 195): No Retirement

good morning and welcome back to living with emunah our weekly attempt our weekly effort to come together and remind ourselves that we don't exist independently and in isolation we are part of a bigger world that hashem our creator our god he knows everything going on in our lives he loves us he's invested in us he's involved in us and he is there to support us i want to thank our generous sponsors for the amunis series for the year we don't take for granted their generosity dr zavian bella morgan in memory of rabbi dr brian galbet and in memory of bella's mother dr ellen chandser thank you so much for that generosity and sponsorship this morning's sheer is sponsored as well by linda gordon linda linda gordon is actually sitting here in my office as i record i'm not going to speak about this because i'm about to get emotional but linda who's been with us for almost 25 years and it's part of my family and our shul family is retiring and this is her last year that she is here living in boca and in my office linda we love you and everything we feel so appreciative for everything you've ever and always have done for us and we'll miss you but we won't miss you because you're still going to be joining us to learn virtually every week together so thank you linda for your sponsorship thank you so much more for everything you've always done also this morning sponsored lama of ela rosenblatt mother of our brothers member jonah and nadine and seth and shirin farakui wife of brs member shalom schaffner grandmother and great grandmother to many captain of the ship as her kids call her we dive in that she have a speedy a full and a complete and a painless lima and that we hear only good news so thank you if you'd like to sponsor our future shir please email lee at brsonline.org l-e-e at bsonline.org back to living with emunah that's our mission that's our mandate it's why we're here at yeah you're only really alive when you're living with ammuna if you don't have faith if you're not putting your trust in god then do you really have a quality of life if you're filled with worry and anxiety anxiety if you're filled with fear of what will be and what will happen and how will it go and how will it work out then do you really have a life if you're filled with envy of what other people have and you desperately want it and you think you deserve it and you begrudge them for having it then do you really have a life if you fly off the handle with anger because the world doesn't react and fall in line with what you want and the way you want it are you really living and so the antidote the answer the formula and recipe to a life of serenity and peace a life of happiness and a life of holiness a life of living our best selves is to live with the moon is to realize that there is a god there's an omnipotent infinite being that we were not created in isolation or randomly we're here we're here for a reason he knows he's involved he's invested in our life and he loves us we have begun a new chapter in the wonderful worker of which amir morgenstern the chapter of bittel bittle as we introduced last week we described the points on the outside of the circle i go to shul i learn i do hassel i do on the outside of the circle doing all the right things but what is at the center of the circle of our lives do all those points draw back to the center of the circle being us are we living selfish borderline or fully blown narcissistic lives is it all about our ego our honor and ourselves or no we're doing all those right things not for us not so that we get accolades not that we get recognition not that we get respect but we're doing it for the almighty for the rebound of shalom because we live with the awareness and we live with the mindfulness of his expectations of us of what he wants from us and for us not for him he wants that for us is the center of the circle ourselves or is the center of the circle hymn and ravichammer introduced this entire concept by telling us that true naturally we have this sense of the need for self-preservation it's a halacha if you have one container of water and you are in the desert don't share it with another if both of you will die and don't give it to the other so you will die and they will live we have a responsibility and obligation that airlines only learned later that when the oxygen mass drops first you put it on yourself before you help others we need to preserve ourselves we cannot be taken advantage we cannot be stepped or trampled all over we have to care about ourselves but we're caring about ourselves so we can best be of service to him the reason we care about ourselves is so that we can live a life in which our life is about serving him and meeting his expectations and understanding our mission in this world will the result be our own pleasure there's nothing more gratifying there's nothing more satisfying there's nothing more enriching or elevating than feeling like you're serving him that you're giving hashem that you're giving the almighty tremendous pride that you are advancing his cause his mission there's nothing more gratifying or satisfying there's no greater source of pleasure in the world the fact that there is a pleasure that's derived doesn't negate and doesn't contradict the drive or the reason for why we do it we do it not to serve ourselves we're living lives not we are at the center of the circle but the ribonus from the almighty is at the center of the circle what does he want from me right now every day is filled with decisions we have to make from the moment we wake up until that last moment when we close our eyes and fall asleep we are making decisions should i say this or say that should i get out of bed or hit the snooze button should i eat this or should i eat that should i go to this place or go there should i click this or click that should i send that email we're making we are decision making machines all day every single day in fact it's quite exhausting research has been done about the fatigue from decision making and which points of the day we're most worn out from the decisions we make when we're at our sharpest and when we're not why am i mentioning this because when we make those decisions we should do so with a question mark not only what do i want there are many variables that go into every decision we make what do i want what's right for me what's just what will best serve my family there are many many variables but one of them must be what does hashem want from me what will give hashem some pride what does hashem think is right for me to do and what should i do that has to be part of the calculus part of the calculation not just what i want what i need what i feel is good but will it give hashem the ramban writes this is the nature of one of the mitzvahs in the torah the asisahayas do what is right and do what is just what kind of mitzvah is that what does that mean do what is right and do what is just in what circumstance when where how so the ramban writes the torah legislates and it regulates countless behavior that we have to do throughout the day but what about what falls between the cracks what about the decisions and the dilemmas that we confront every day that are not explicitly articulated in the how do we know what to do says ramban here's how you know you ask yourself will this give hashem will this make hashem happy will this give hashem pride is this what hashem wants from me in this moment there are dilemmas that we have throughout the day and in trying to understand what the answer dilemma should be we have to ask ourselves what does hashem want not only what do i want there's nothing wrong with thinking about what do i want what makes sense for me what will be good for me but also what does hashem want for me and sometimes you can make every argument and every excuse every rationalization in the world to defend a particular act or behavior but you have to ask yourself will this give us yes with the irs agent yes with the judge and the court yes in the court of public opinion maybe even i could defend this but is it what hashem wants am i giving hashem is this what he wants at this moment so this is the media of bittel of nullifying ourselves of working on ourselves bitter i would say is surrender submission a recognition that yes i exist i must have a sense of self i have to have a healthy sense of self i have to have a healthy love of myself i can't love others until kamoja i have to first love myself and now i have a paradigm or model for how a standard how to love others but i have to love myself so i have to have a healthy sense of self a self-esteem a self-confidence a healthy self-sense sense of self but once i do it has to be directed bitter to be vat on myself to others to nullify to surrender to submit to others you see this we'll get back to our text in one moment but you see this in our parasha in our parasha i did get to this yesterday in the partial class moshe is gossiped about by his siblings miriam and aaron speak about him and god intervenes and says whoa whoa whoa whoa i never tolerate gossip god says gossip is never good gossip is never good when i was growing up there was a guy in my shule used to say to me as a kid he'd say ephraim i don't repeat lash and hara so listen carefully the first time god doesn't want you to say it the first time he doesn't want you to say it the second time don't repeat la shanhara don't initiate lashana he doesn't like gossip but in this case god says to miriam and aaron he says what are you doing do you know your brother is my loyal servant moshe enough did you know that moshe is the most humble modest person of all time of all people what are you doing you cannot gossip about him god himself testifies god himself gives an endorsement to moshe's greatness and god himself intervenes and says how dare you you cannot gossip about him you cannot question him you cannot slander him so the question is but how did moshe write that moshe takes dictation from hashem god dictates the words of the torah and moshe writes it down moshe takes dictation from the almighty so when moshe sits down and takes the dictation of mode so how does how does motion not say to god god i love you but in my humility which i work on i can't write that can we figure out another way i refuse previously when moshe expressed his humility the aleph of vayikra was made small he wanted to be by a car it was chance that god spoke to him like bilaam god said no it's vayikra i called out to you i won't deny that i won't distort that and they settled they compromised god made it a small aleph so why here does moshe write down ishmosh isn't it a contradiction to humility to write down that you're the most humble person sort of druken is safer ishtamid we had ravdruk on our partial class live we had him actually in person yesterday if you haven't watched it or listened to it yet and ravdruck develops this idea this important idea that we know that in judaism humility is not thinking less of yourself it's not thinking less of yourself it's thinking of yourself less it's not thinking less of yourself you have to know your talents and your skills and your gifts you have to know what you bring to the table you have to know who you are you have to know what you offer the world you have to know your mission it's not to think less of yourself it's to think of yourself less often so the idea is i know who i am i know what i bring and know what i'm good at to deny that is to deny that god is the telling of the king and a god is the generous benefactor who gave you those talents and skills the mistake is not to say humility is not i'm a nothing i'm not talented i'm not good at this i'm not good at that that's not humility that's false humility that's just falsehood if one is good at something if one has certain talents or skills humility is the recognition that they're not part of my permanent collection they're not owned by me they are on loan by god so today i'm a good artist i'm a good athlete and i'm a good orator today i have a good mind or i have a good memory today i have a charismatic personality today i'm a good chef and i'm a good today whatever gift i have they are on loan and they're on loan from god so it is a false humility and it's falsehood to say i'm not good at x y or z if you are good what's humility to say i'm good at those things but only because god grants me the capacity to be good it's on loan it's not permanent and it could disappear tomorrow so moshe does not deny his humility there is recognition of the humility and that is not the opposite of humility the goal is not to think less of yourself it's to think of yourself less often and that is bitter that is what we're trying to achieve it's who we're trying to become we're trying to live virtuous meritorious lives we're trying to create craft lifestyles that we're doing the right things for the right reasons we're not just going through the motions externally because it feeds some narcissistic need for recognition honor praise the whole selfie mentality the whole influencer mentality look at me approve of me admire me praise me that's not what we believe in whatsoever what we believe in is who am i what am i good at what is my mission and how can i use it to advance god's vision for this world how can i repair the world and improve the world how can i inspire others so if you're sharing as i am right now where is the humility in hosting a living with a moon issue who am i to be on a screen projecting to you nobody else can be seen it's just me isn't that arrogant that i have something to say that you should come and listen so the answer is a little bit the gemara says that people who teach or who try to teach who aspire to be have ishmaeli is have an eighth of an eighth of gaiva of arrogance you have to have a healthy dose of self-confidence a healthy self-confidence to get up in front of a room and speak to go online and teach to write an article and say i have a thought and i think it's worthwhile for you to read it takes a healthy self-confidence is arrogant hopefully it's self-confident not arrogant what is the difference between the two why you're doing it if the goal in the mission if the brand is you it's arrogant if the brand and the mission is inspiration for hashem drawing others close trying to create a community of people striving to be better and to be closer to hashem then it's all about him that's not that's not arrogant it's bittel in the context of teaching and sharing his torah to be mavato yourself that it's for him and it's not really about us so cesaro chameyer says the reason this is so important is that there are countless people who externally are going through the motions and getting it all right there are countless people who can put the check next to every box of yahada's with judaism with total what god demands of me check check check check check it i'm doing it all right why don't i feel it why am i not alive why is my soul not on fire why don't i feel close to him why don't i feel his presence why aren't i clinging to him why don't i feel his love says rolichomer because what's missing is all the externals are there all the check marks are there but is there bittle is it all about you and the end of the day is it all about what you want your happiness your is it all about you or is it bitter is it relinquishing surrendering submitting ourselves to him are we doing that all about and for him okay with that we begin park aleph page mem tests if you have the wonderful safer you can get it online and we're on page the definition the core definition of working on this quality the core definition of what it means to try to surrender and submit to him to feel and to be so aware of god's presence that god's presence is so large is so great is so overwhelming is so all-encompassing that there's no room for me i'm not trying to co-exist i'm not trying to compete all there is is him ain't ode milvado this world and everything in it is an extension is an expression of him i'm not trying to compete so that is the very basic definition that is the definition of bittel bittle of surrender of submission is that i'm so aware of god's greatness i'm so aware of god's largesse that i don't try to compete and i'm not trying to be in the same space as him but i recognize that because he's so great at this moment in this time in this world all there is is him that's all there is he writes here in the footnote that we can identify with this you could think we can't bittle is that healthy is it right can i even do it so many people will say no no and no so cezrovichmeier we can identify we can relate there are circumstances in life where we are already being vatal ourselves where we submit or surrender or we negate or we neglect to a certain extent we don't even exist in comparison in that moment we're not even feeling our existence because we're overwhelmed by the existence of another one example he has the kybus in order to bring the matter close to the heart yes each person should think about and contemplate if he would merit imagine you had access to one of the greatest of the generation to an extraordinary leader in the presence of that great great righteous leader would you even be thinking about yourself would you exist in comparison in the presence of the other bavaria you would be so overwhelmed you'd be so invested in you'd be so involved in you'd be so listening or watching the other achievements in that moment you would forget you exist so on the way into the garland or you're starving on the way out you're ravenously hungry but in that moment you even feel a hunger pang you're right there in that moment you're soaking it all in you're taking it all in that other person's greatness so fills the room in that space that you don't even recognize the existence of yourself you're listening so intently so carefully you're trying to so soak up and immerse yourself and marinate in that experience so fully the person's greatness doesn't even leave room for your own self-awareness are you hot are you cold are you hungry are you tired none of those thoughts enter your head in that moment that you have an audience with that great person because you're so immersed in that experience if you're responsible i had the privilege of driving rafter many times when i've gone to erzeral i've had the privilege of driving rabasha weiss many times and you are so consumed with the conversation with the happiness with the interests with the needs of that great great person you are so privileged and proud to be in their presence that you are so immersed in the experience that there is no i in that moment there is no eye as i'm responsible for the other ki allah al-halev we can relate to being so immersed in something that there is no one and nothing else we don't even realize we're not even aware of what's going on around us let alone about ourselves here's another example you're reading something you're reading a book you're reading a magazine you're so taken by it you are so invested in it you're so distracted by it you can't tear yourself away from it you could forget where you are you could forget there's no time awareness you have no idea how much time has lapsed or what time it even is uh to the degree that if someone calls you you won't hear have you ever started reading something at night in bed and it is so engrossing it is so engaging that hours and hours and hours go by and you don't even realize it you've stayed up a good part of the night and you will regret it in the morning but you were so taken by that story by that narrative by that plot by those ideas that you didn't even have an awareness you lost all sense of time you lost all sense of time lahav de la have the lahav de la haved a billion times over you know why there are no windows or clocks in a casino a casino has no windows and it has no clocks because the casino has an interest that while you are there you have no awareness that there's anything other than your gambling instinct you don't know what time it is there's no time awareness you don't look out a window and see it was dark now it's light it's getting dark it's getting light because they're so invested in you having no awareness of anything other than what you're doing when you read a book when you're doing something he describes richard meyer we've had this there are people in my life barak hashem we have a home of voracious readers my wife and children i wish i could include myself among them they are amazing readers voracious readers and they are also so engaged so hyper focused that sometimes they're reading a book or standing right next to them you're talking to them they don't even know you're standing there forget looking up forget acknowledging it it's not a criticism they're so focused on the book they don't even wear you can call them for the other room forget calling them from the other room you could be standing next to somebody and unless you tap them on the shoulder or put your hand on the book of what they're reading they won't realize there's someone else there so we have the experience we can identify we can relate we have a precedent of being so immersed so hyper focused so engaged in something that we don't even think about ourselves you realize i haven't eaten in so long i didn't even realize what time it is i didn't realize how hot it is in here i didn't realize how cold it is in here i didn't realize how tired i am i didn't realize we're so unaware of ourselves because we are so hyper aware of something else and that's what bitter is that's what we're trying to create that's what we're trying to work on is to take the experience from a book or watching a sporting event or a half deal a casino take the experience of being so hyper focused and aware of something that i'm so utterly unaware of myself and redirecting channeling that to the relationship with hashem how can we be so hyper focused and hyper aware and uber aware that there is a god he is great ain't no vado he is all of existence that there is no eye compared to him elohim dugamos khalim these are minor examples simple this is just to to open up our ear to recognize that there is such a thing as atmo we already have this notion that a person can feel something else so great and it can capture all of our focus to the point that we have no awareness of ourselves there's a fundamental difference says between the examples that we gave and what it means to surrender and submit to god because when i'm so immersed in the super bowl when i'm so immersed in the book the magazine when i'm so immersed in watching the documentary when i'm so immersed in whatever other activity so i am not focused on myself because my sense of self has actually entered and immersed into feeling the other thing so the sporting event you're so engaged in it the ups downs the roller coaster the uncertainty the unpredictability of it you're so engaged at what's going to happen next the edge of the seat the suspense what's going to happen next so the reason that i'm not aware of my own self is because i'm so focused i've put myself vicariously through the unpredictability and the suspense and the spontaneity of what i'm reading or what i'm watching however when it comes to hashem's awareness hashem's existence being so great that in that moment i have no existence myself it's not because i immerse myself in him it's even more fundamental when a person surrenders or submits to god who ain't saying i'm not forfeiting or giving up or losing or surrendering myself i'm not going out of myself to experience something else i'm actually going deeper into myself let me repeat that because it was a very very deep idea listen carefully if a person loses themselves in what they're reading or watching they are neglecting themselves they're going outside themselves they're vicariously living through something else but when a person immerses themselves and loses themselves in god they're not forfeiting or conceding or leaving themselves to go to god we're actually going deeper into ourselves because god is in us that sell them elokim there is a godly spark there is a divine spirit inside each and every one of us we struggle it's fighting it's competing with an animal soul if all there were the godly spirit we would all be manifestations angels of god in this world it'd be a beautiful world and the birds would be chirping and everyone would do the right thing and it would be a perfect world but every one of us is struggling there's the godly voice inside us there's the godly instinct there's the godly discipline and dignity inside us but it is competing it is battling it is fighting the animal voice the animal instinct that seth has no discipline have no dignity just dig into what you want to pleasures the fleeting hedonistic pleasures of this world that is a battle that is a fight but among the competitors in this fight inside us is that telling elohim is the godly soul is the godly spirit so when i connect to god i'm not going outside myself i'm going deeper into myself i'm trying to become aware of that godly soul i'm trying to nourish that godly soul i'm trying to realize and recognize that godly soul within me so it's a fundamental and critically important difference to understand that when i vicariously live through others i could lose myself in the book the magazine or sporting event i'm watching but i'm losing myself to go into something else as opposed to when i lose myself notion of bitter of surrender and submission to god as i'm not surrendering to something outside myself i am surrendering to that which is within me and going deeper and deeper into me creation is not something that exists on its own independently i'm only animated and alive because god is breathing through me god is breathing through you that's why you are alive that's how adam harishon adam became a living animated being to begin with not some golem not some corpse god breathed his life into admiration to adam and he became alive and god breathed life into every one of us when we wake up in the morning if we merited to wake up today and it's not a given i've done several funerals for people who died in their sleep who did not wake up it's not a given to wake up on any given day and if we have the gift and the blessing of waking up this morning then god has restored our soul it means that god breathed life back into us again it's a new day it's a fresh start it's a new beginning it can be a new us but god has renewed our contract for another day he says we're not done there's more to achieve there's more to do one can retire and they're not done one is retiring from their profession but there is no retirement from life because if god has put air in our lungs if he's breathed life into our soul if we woke up another day then it means we're not retired he is the only one who can grant us retirement and retirement is death retirement is when the soul is extracted from the body and the soul and the body are done the soul goes up on high and the body returns to the earth from which it came and mazel tov on your retirement that's what death is we shouldn't call it death we should call it retirement retirement we're having a funeral for somebody who god retired who has become retired that's retirement retirement in this world is retiring from our profession from our job from our livelihood but we don't retire from life it's not the end at the beginning we're about to write the next chapter of life if we're alive if we breathe life into our souls then he has renewed our contract that he is expressing himself still through us then we continue to have a unique mission we continue to have a unique purpose in this world volunteer leadership in our family outside of our family creativity there's so many contributions we could make to this world even if we're no longer engaged in our profession so therefore when we surrender and submit then we say to hashem what can i do for you i'm here again for you what's my next mission what's my next mission my professional one is done is complete what's my next mission when i'm surrendering and submitting to him i'm not going outside of myself i'm not becoming enslaved to him i'm going deeper into myself but benemius i'm going deeper into myself to find the god in me and to say okay partner okay god in me what's our next mission together okay the divine that expresses itself through me what do you have in store next for us what should we be doing next what is next for us and the best is always yet to come there's always better and more to achieve we are never ever ever done as long as we have breath in this world the soul from its nature the soul naturally feels the existence of god so the soul the godly spirit in us doesn't have to be taught or conditioned towards this knows this what's he driving at richard meyer my dear living with the moon of friends what he's driving at is the following i'm not lecturing to you i'm speaking to myself and i'm sharing right now with myself what i want to work on is that we tend to forget neglect god throughout our day we tend to think where is god when i talk to him and sure when i make a bracha before i eat or after i eat you know that's where god is when i'm learning in that moment i'm learning but the rest of the day ooh now i'm at work now i'm at the gym now i'm in my kitchen now i'm having coffee with my friend now i'm about me the rest of my days about me i put in my time with him chakras minh hamaraf i put in my time with him i make the blessing before after i eat but the rest of the day and in between i'm not doing it for him or with him i'm doing it's all about me to the point that we forget about him we forgot about him this notion of bittel is that it's impossible to forget about him he's with us always and forever it's a consistent awareness of his greatness of how grandiose is and therefore i'm still at the gym or in my kitchen having coffee with my friend but he's got a seat right at the table he's pulled up right next to the treadmill he is sitting on the next peloton god is with us always that's true on the level of vacus clinging to him sticking with him knowing he's got our back knowing he's going through it with us as we spent many months learning about but it's also true on the level of bitter that therefore in this moment i need to constantly check and evaluate and reflect is this me or him am i being of service is this all promoting is this all contributing to my mission for him or is it all about the mission and the brand called me bittel is the nullification of the me and finding the hymn inside ourselves i need to exercise and i need to have coffee with my friends i need to relax i need to shop i need to cook and i need to work and i need to do all those things that's all part of life that's part of the way in which god created the world and the way in which i live my life and craft my lifestyle but am i at the center of the circle or is god is there that sense of bitter veros so all the mistakes that we make all the averages that we do is because we're covering that nishama inside us we are covering the godly soul the godly spirit the godly sense of discipline and dignity that we have veheme and what that does is it causes us to not truly feel our neshama the way we're meant to and we become instead of multi-dimensional we become unidimensional where we're monolithic we're become we become singularly all about us um i think that god is outside myself god is in the books and god is the sitter and god is at the shul and god is somewhere else instead of realizing that you understand this fundamental will end with this fundamental point when i say that god is with us and can be found next to us and one can't separate themselves from god it's not because there's me goldberg and now on top of me or on my right shoulder or somewhere near me is god god is inside me i can't try to separate from god if i want it's an impossibility you cannot separate from god that soul as long as there's air in your lungs as long as you're alive and you're breathing there is a godly soul inside you so you can no longer more separate from god than you can separate from your lungs you can't take your lungs and leave them behind you cannot say i'm so sick and tired of this heart i'm going to leave it on my desk when i go home because you can't be alive and the same is true one is not alive without the telemelo kim that animates our very being so you cannot exist independent from him so when you discover him and lean into him and surrender to him you're not surrendering to something outside yourself you're surrendering to the deepest part to the recesses of who we are we are discovering and actualizing and realizing our true selves our genuine selves our best selves now the animal inside us says well i don't like where that's heading i'm not interested in that i want an undisciplined undignified life i want you to give in to your animal and pulse an animal instinct i don't want some disciplined world so that animal is battling and fighting and trying to squash and extinguish and cover that soul inside us and our mission is to defeat the animal instinct is to let that godly soul be on fire let it blossom and flourish let it be loud and clear let our lives be of meaning and purpose and service to him and those around us let us live for holiness and when we do we will discover an enormous sense of happiness thank you to all of our sponsors again thank you to our dear linda and nine o'clock tonight join us on behind the bema we're going behind the beam with representative richie torres who is a self-described progressive democrat from the bronx a new member of congress who has been extraordinarily outspoken in support of israel and against anti-semitism and he has been the victim of hatred from the woke community who have attacked him viciously we go behind the bema to thank him tonight 9 pm so please join us there looking forward to that great opportunity to have that conversation with him tonight also joining us tonight is joseph borgen a young man who was beat up in manhattan for being a jew wearing a yarmulke he'll tell us that story tonight 9pm behind the bema behind thebema.com you can find the show 9pm behindthebmw.com if you've not yet subscribe to our youtube channel be notified in real time every time we learn every time we grow every time you can be part of our community who are trying to better ourselves until next time stay happy stay healthy and stay holy