Living With Emunah (Part 192): Dark Clouds Blocking the Light

good morning boca toe welcome back to our weekly living with a moon shear so grateful that you're back together as we focus and concentrate in a time in which we desperately need a jolt and increase a boost of our amunah our bitcoin our sense of faith our sense of confidence that there's a hashem he runs the world and that even in difficult troubling painful times we can run into his arms i want to thank our munis series sponsors for the year dr xavi and bella morgan in memory of dr brian galbet and in memory of ellen schanzer thank you so much for your generosity today's sheer is also sponsored by aggie heartstein in honor of keshet star her work for ora tremendous work in uh helping free agunas and prevent them going forward and our foolish language and today's share is also sponsored by randy and ed reichenberg our dear friends in honor of their son corey reichenberg his graduation from the university of florida corey we're proud of you your classmates what an achievement we wish you only good health and success strength and tenacity in all your endeavors going forward i also want to take a personal privilege and dedicate today's learning of living with amuna in memory of two very special people in my life whose urethritis are coming up my grandmother my bubbie ruth above yenta rochelbas my bubby ruth above elizabeth new jersey taught generations of students at the jec she was a primary teacher she taught them to read and write but she taught me and our family a lot about emunah her favorite pasuk tamuru ukitov hashem even when she lay in the hospital even when she was sick towards the end of her life she would say tamu just taste and you'll see that god is good if you think god is good it's because you're not tasting you're not connected you're not involved you're not invested but if you were invested in a life a relationship with him ta'amu if you understand if you taste uru you would see kitva hashem is good also in memory of my first cousin who tragically passed away very young last year melissa stein missy stein matuka sara basido also a woman of tremendous amunah she saw hashem everywhere at her funeral her children described on the way to school she would see something a butterfly a view and she would pull over and she would sing to hashem and recognize hashem on the way to school it was everywhere in her life so dedicate our learning in their memory as well we're continuing morgan's turn reviews how we can connect how we can cling now last week we spoke about the notion of seeing the light that sometimes we have this breakthrough moment where there's clarity where everything makes sense and everything comes together and everything is undeniable where we have no doubt we have only certainty confidence that there's a ribonuclear there's a creator there's an infinite being and he's orchestrating curating our entire life and we feel that we see a scene or we hear good news or something works out everything comes together in such a way that we have a breakthrough the clouds spread apart and the sunlight comes through when we talk about a moon in the language of the mukubalam in the language of hasidus when you talk about amuna when you talk about faith and when you talk about feeling the presence of hashem it's described as or it's described as a light there's a light that comes through it illuminates it brightens we have a clarity we can see we can feel the presence of hashem and last week was a time preceding this horrific catastrophe in mayron in which we were focused on the light beginning to come out of corona the miracle of a vaccine a gift from god and make no mistake it is an answer to our filos the vaccine everyone should get it it's the sack of godola israel and post him we daven for a year and the dying and the death and the distancing and the pandemic and the quarantine and hashem answered he said here it is it's safe go for it and it's kaphytov it's a lack of gratitude to hashem to not take advantage when he answered artfila to be suspicious rather than to recognize and embrace and so we were breaking through with the clarity the light was coming in and richard meyer described this is what we studied last week that when there is a breakthrough of light when the clouds spread apart and the light breaks through shine it in whatever area of life we need it whatever area of life we need to do our voda shine that light so if we want our eating to go from a physical mundane eating to a spiritual transformational experience shine the light on the act of eating find hashem in the cup of coffee find hashem and breakfast lunch and dinner find hashem in the act of eating and rivets gave us several other examples ava if we're struggling to love all jews to love all people to connect to see the godliness in them when we have a breakthrough and we feel and see the presence of hashem shine that light take out the magnifying glass and magnify it on the people in our life see that salaam will come the godliness in them and feel that israel feel that great sense of ambassador and he gave in davening we're struggling and davening and we're mumbling the words and they don't make sense and we want to get through it as quickly as possible shine that light that breakthrough of a moon on the sitter and connect to hashem through the avenue that was the advice that's what we studied last week and then none of us predicted that none of us would have imagined none of us would have believed that just a day later on thursday night inaudible all of a sudden a tragedy a horrific horrific tragedy 45 people did not leave the mountain everyone else a hundred thousand went home 45 did not get on a bus a car 45 did not go home among them very young people among them donnie morris whose grandparents live in our community whose family we know how horrific how tragic how relatable to us a young american yeshiva student in chauvin for the year it is absolutely devastating yesterday i held a zoom call with our girls in seminary for the year and a separate zoom with the boys and yeshiva for the year and the boys in chatham described one of their questions was they said rebbe rabbi how can i concentrate on learning every time i'm in the basement i look over and all i see is donnie's empty chair 17 year old boys 17 year old boys a friend they went to go and to learn and to play sports and to go to mahan yahooda and to eat out and to have iced coffee and to tour israel and to spend incredible out shabbasan and now in a basement they're asking how can we concentrate and learn when we look over and all we see is the empty chair all we see is the empty makkah where donna used to sit and the clouds are back and they're blocking the sun they're blocking the light and instead of seeing the hand of hashem instead of having a clarity and a certainty and a confidence instead of being overwhelmed of the feeling that everything makes sense and there's a very bonus shalom and he's in charge the dark dark clouds gather and they try to block that light and they struggle they challenge us where we have all kinds of questions and we can't make sense of it and how do we understand why hashem would run such a world and is this hashem or was this the negligence of people and how did this come about and why and why these holy individuals why these holy individuals so i want to share with you something that i read before we go back into the safer and continue with emunah i want to share with you one of the youngest victims of this tragedy in meron was a 13 year old boy his 10 year old brother and his father were with him and they were injured but they made it out and this 13 year old boy did not and at his funeral the father and the brother spoke the thirteen-year-old boy was yadidya you to allah shalom one of the youngest victims of meron and his father of avigdor was 36 and the brother his other son shmuel mayor 10 spoke to the media after the funeral and here's what the father said he said quote we're here at the lavaya of my son as is known he was missing from thursday night until we found out that he was killed immediately and wasn't even evacuated to a hospital turning to a sunshine mayor was sitting in a wheelchair next to me continued this is my son who lay next to me when we were on the floor with bodies piled on top of us this is the boy that yelled out shema is and here baruch hashem he's here his ankle is sprained but he's okay unfortunately he did you did not survive he was a tsadek of a boy his father said i yelled kadosh he wanted me to say something here if he wanted me to say something here it would have been one thing we all have something in common right now we're not looking to place blame where ma'am and we know what does he knows what he's doing it's very painful but we know that he's running the world and so if you're struggling and i'm struggling to make sense of it all and to find hashem and to have the light break through listen to the father who lost his 13 year old son listen to a father who went through this traumatic traumatic jahannam listened to a father at a funeral with his other son who was injured and he talks where ma'am even though it's painful we know he runs the world if you did you was here now in my place he would have said one thing rabbit let's unite it's the time it's the place when there are tragedies no one checks which keeper the other one has or if he has a keeper or not everyone helps the other one out let's unite no jew hate the other we need to be united and then the ten-year-old brother in his wheelchair shmuel mayor told the reporters the following and listen carefully he said i remember i was in the steps there and i fell and i knew it could be that i wouldn't be here anymore i yelled she's my israel from my heart afterward when i realized that hashem saved me the first thing i did was to call to the rescue services to save my father afterward i told the police to search for my brother a channel 12 news reporter in israel then asked this 10 year old 10 year old a 10 year old boy you know what 10 years old is a channel 12 news reporter asked the 10 year old boy what did you feel during those moments when you were buried under bodies and you were yelling and you were fighting for your life what did you think about what did you feel during those moments and listen to the words of a 10 year old boy shmuel mayor he said quote i felt bitter and a the gasps of the people surrounding them were audible i saw the video of this interview the the news cameras that were around couldn't believe this 10 year old boy whose brother was killed and he's being crushed and didn't know if he'd live and they asked him what did he feel and he said i felt bitter and a muna i felt that only hashem could save me there's no one else to believe in only hakadosh baruch this 10 year old boy obviously raised by extraordinarily special parents when put to the test in that moment ain't owed mill vado all i felt was the moon and the father is at the funeral of his 13 year old son says this is unbearably painful but it's the will of hashem who's perfect everything is from him and everything is for a reason i share this with you because it's very powerful and it resonates deeply for me but because also we can grab onto it latch on to it and when we struggle and when we stumble and we're at the risk of falling when the clouds are gathering those dark clouds are blocking that light from our belief our clarity our confidence there's hashem we latch on to 10 year old boys and 36 year old fathers and we latch on to holocaust survivors still in our community and our families and our lives and we latch on to those who've been through gehenna and nevertheless maintain their moon abitakon nevertheless find the strength and the tenacity the resiliency to recognize that there is a god and just because things are painful doesn't mean they're bad painful unbearably painful unfairly painful and yet there's the hashem he runs the world and so just last week one weeks ago today in our living with a moon it was all about clarity and light and it was all about how when that light comes through we take our magnifying glass how we shine that spotlight on the areas of our life that need the avodah that need us to grow and this week it's about blocking the clouds and making sure the light can still come through this week it's about eliminating and spreading the clouds and making sure the light can shine bright the amount of the faith to be on even in these moments when we're tested even though these moments weren't tested as we spoke about in shabbos these are shabbat shabbat these seven weeks of counting sphere every day we're trying to improve and grow in there are seven to memos weeks seven weeks of trying to be more tamim trying to be more faithful more pure trying to submit and surrender more to hashem and trying to recognize that not only when it all works out and it all makes sense and it all comes together when it's easy so to say to see hashem and be grateful to him but in the impossible moments when there's an empty chair in the basement and the impossible moments when there's a child and a grandchild and a husband a father a grandfather who are not coming home in the impossible moments when a group gathers in order to come close to hashem and to mark the earth side of shema baruch with singing and davening my daughter who was there described she said during the singing of anima you have to see this video moments before the tragedy she felt like mashiach was imminent he was going to walk in any moment she said to hashem look down all your children are here such diversity they're getting along we're dominating so intensely we're singing and dancing and a moment later the piercing sounds of the sirens the ambulances the stretchers the pandemonium and the casualties and the bodies and she said mashiach never felt like he was further away as she too was traumatized by this event so we daven we dive in we dive in for the victims they should have an elite shama we diamond for the families without them for those injured they should recover we don't for those who are so young who've lost a friend and who are growing up way too quickly but we also dominate this not that this not god forbid be a stumbling block in lives of amun and bitcon we doubt in that we find the strength of these extraordinary people the strength of his son may are 10 years old who says that in that moment and put to the test and all he has is gratitude to hashem afterwards with that emunah and with that be taken let's go back to biamd so let's say the light is shining through let's say there is a breakthrough let's say you hear these words you watch the video of that funeral and you realize that even after tragedy one can not only lose faith one can even grow and gain in faith when you see and latch on to the faith of these extraordinary people so what do we do as i told hihkai starting so the light is shining the light is breaking through and there's no particular area to magnify it to shine it on we don't need to work in the area of eating israel or loving all jews or tefila so what do we do with that light what do we do with the fact that it's broken through the clouds that it's shining so bright he says set aside times for contemplation for his bow to this talk to hashem from the bottom of your heart when i spoke yesterday on the zoom to the young men and young women i talked to them about three emotions anger sadness and then channeling that into confronting mortality and action and shuva and anger is okay anger so talk to hashem hashem i don't understand because anger means that you believe he's there we've spoken about this so many times you're not angry at someone or something is a figment of the imagination you're not angry at a fantasy you're not angry at something that's not real you're angry at someone you expect more from anger itself is an expression of amuna not obligated to get angry or frustrated with hashem it's not a mitzvah but if one does they shouldn't feel guilty as long as they channel that and transform that into coming closer and realizing that just the very fact that you react with that anger means you really believe he's there now what are you gonna talk to him you know accept him you're gonna love him you're gonna embrace him you're gonna lean into that relationship with him what do we do and how do we channel that and the same is true with that sadness i shared the rambam and talks about the mitzvah that if a person is not said and if not it is midas ah zarya's it's cruel sadness is natural it's real it's what's warranted and it's not a contradiction to emunah you don't say if i really believe and i really have faith and how can i be sad this is the will of hashem i should be happy for the victims the casualties they've gone upstairs to be with hashem i should be happy no that's misplaced it's misguided one should be said and grieve and mourn and be broken that is not in contradiction with believing that everything's from hashem we can experience painful things and cry from the pain what we're not supposed to do is see them as bad painful things happen to good people bad things don't because the only one from his perch hashem only from his perspective the omnipotent infant one only he can know what's good or bad we know it's painful or pleasurable and we darven and long for and hope only for the pleasurable we don't want we desperately don't want the painful we know painful and pleasurable but only he knows what's good or what is bad so the person the light shines through and there's no particular area to focus it on to magnify it on then simply set aside time to talk to him even if it means you're sharing frustrations or gratitude or hope or protest or objection ulumash set aside time to think about to contemplate the four rungs of the latter what are they kabbalah accepting that hashem is the omnipotent being he runs the universe he fears the velt ava love of him of him and the effort to cling to him to nullify ourselves that there is nothing and we are no one there is nothing but him ain't odd milvado bittel to be vatel to nullify to submit to surrender ubito bemidsis so these rungs of the latter set aside time you particularly had a muna growth spurt you had a moon a burst you went on a trip in the summer and you saw one of magnificent national parks you saw incredible views in sur que lo que no in so god is not only our rock he's the greatest artist ever and you have this growth spurt of ammuna now what what are you going to do with that how will it change your how will it transform you do you set aside time every day to think about to contemplate who is he and who am i and how do i relate to him do i feel his presence should tilt the light in order to strengthen our sense of kabbalah to be able to be macabre to accept and to receive the yoke of heaven now when do we do kabal every day we have a mitzvah twice a day we take our right hand and we cover our eyes shema israel it's the irmikla israel there's six year ari mikhailov and uh i think it's the oh of israel the abdulrav who says the six words of shema are the ari miklot when we need to run to a place of protection when we need to run to a place that will take care of us we need to run to a place where we feel that we're being pursued by thoughts by attitudes by ideas by painful experiences we run into the six ari mikala the six words of shema israel we accept kabbalah we recognize the role of hashem in life and even though that doesn't relieve the pain hopefully it gives it purpose and meaning and it gives us confidence that it's not for not not it's not random it's not chance but it's all for a reason so what do we do when we're makable when we say shima what do we do we're making we take our right hand and we cover our eyes ask any child why do you cover your eyes when you say shema what will they tell you the most popular reason given is that we cover our eyes when we say shema because we don't want to be distracted we want to be focused when you say shema about something so weighty kabbalah you're going to think about meditate and reflect there's a creator that's omnipotent there's an infinite being i'm a gurnish i'm a nothing i surrender and i submit to him he runs he controls the entire world i don't even understand them i can't even describe him that's how categorically different he is i don't want to be distracted so i take my hand and i cover my eyes while i'm doing it but wise quotes from the claisen bagareba who says then no the reason that we cover our eyes when we say shma is sometimes in order to do kabbalah you need to close your eyes to what you're seeing around you how can you witness how can you watch how can you see the shivas for 45 people murder died shouldn't say murder died tragically in this catastrophe how can you see that and say yes there's a god and i love them and i embrace them sometimes in order to be able to be macabre we have to cover our eyes it seems so incompatible with the world that we live in sometimes it feels the presence of hashem is goodness graciousness his gifts to us it just doesn't make sense it's incompatible with the world i'm watching with what i'm seeing so while we say shema in order to do kabal we cover our eyes sometimes we need to cover our eyes in order to remember that he's here and he's in charge so when that light breaks through we should shine it we should focus and we should magnify it on our effort for kabbalah to lean in to reflect to meditate to focus in this moment that all there is is you hashem your everything that's all that there is that's all that there is science nature data statistics people everything is an extension everything is an expression of you um and that i have a clarity i have a ultimate clarity that he's here i see him i know him as much as i see or know anything and afterwards feel the love from the strength of the light so therefore you can battle and you can capture you have that breakthrough breakthrough you have the amuna growth spurt you have this light that's shining that's breaking through the clouds bottle it capture it shine it and take a kabbalah take upon oneself a practice to be able to make it continue to be able to make it last we move on now perigdalid when the fourth chapter had vekas what are the ways that if we're not feeling it how can we arouse how can we waken the heart to feel a sense of connection of love of clinging to him adam sometimes it's not even a tragedy which drives one away from a feeling of a muna sometimes it's just a feeling of being yavesh spiritually dehydrated burnt out disconnected who's not at the end of corona at the end of covet who's not feeling burnt out dehydrated disconnected fatigued tired of it all struggling to focus to connect who wrote us but we want to wake up we want to arouse ourselves we want to wake up in order to see and to feeling to connect with him via zakama dracham here suggests several paths several strategies in order to wake up the sense of even when we feel like we're dehydrated we're dried out we're burnt out number one is the power of music power of music and its role in emunah there is an incredible power an incredible strength in holy music in order to wake up the heart to serve to feel him we all know that who hasn't heard a song that stirs the soul who hasn't been moved to tears who hasn't been transported in time and to a different place who hasn't felt something within themselves to know that i have a neshama now notice he says nigunam kidoshim we're talking about holy tunes holy melodies holy words we're not talking about you know the rock and the pop and the and the essentially jewish club disco music talking about the holy night holy night that stir our soul that open our heart that make us feel alive everyone who serves hashem shiela commonly should have their go-to songs ludwig should have that that moves us that tune that song that moves us tried and true tested we know it moves us it can move us to tears it moves us emotionally it can put a smile on our face it makes our feet dance yucca how many times am i down and outside in a bad mood and you go to a simcha and then all of a sudden the music comes on and everyone hits the dance floor and you hit that dance floor and the music is moving you and you lose yourself in that music and that dancing in that simcha i often get choked up on a dance floor i don't visibly start crying i don't have to you know go to the corner and cower but i will often get choked up on a dance floor it wakes something up inside us it moves us it lifts us it enriches us the power of music so you don't have to wait to get to the next simcha you don't have to wait till it's safe to be on a dance floor what are your go-to songs who do you listen to the contemporary great ishiribo the paitan of our time put on his songs they move you they open up the heart eitan cats cats there's so many i don't want to leave anybody out but whose songs open up your heart and they make the tears start to fall down your cheek who has that music that's the playlist the amuna playlist that when you feel dehydrated disconnected when you feel dried out and fatigued you put on that playlist and it wakes up within ourselves that sense i have a neshama i bet selma came and it's longing it's reaching it's stretching for something higher for something more the game is and also during davening and while learning if you want to wake up your heart to serve hashem again then sing the words with the sometimes in davening you don't just say the words you're humming there's a melody the words are moving you why is it that when we sing halal it moves us we feel like it's yant if it's a different time there are parts of davening that we're accustomed to singing and those parts of david were most connected to where moks focused on they have the greatest impact on us when you're learning torah our greatest forever have associated the learning with a first of all it helps one remember what they're learning better it embeds itself better if it's done mitzvah with the joy of singing but it also opens up the heart and the neshama while you're learning torah you don't just learn torah but you give a you give a little something that all of a sudden changes switches it up moves it makes it real makes it in bed and plant itself inside us sing the words with a certain negan um and with hashem's help you'll see wondrous things you go from being dehydrated you go from being practically practically expired to come back to life to coming alive end of a faster you drink something you feel it go down the pipe but you come back to life it doesn't take long by the end of the fast day you're dehydrated you're exhausted you have no energy you're passing out you can't focus you have a massive migraine one cup of coffee one cup of water one gatorade one powerade and you're back to life so same with the neshama when the shama feels like it's teetering it's hanging on the edge the neshama is struggling it's being disconnected it's dehydrated fatigued play that music there's a reason that in sphero until like boomer depending which sphere you're holding the first or the second but there's a reason that when we are collectively mourning or private people individually mourning one of the prohibitions is listening to music music lands the heart music makes us come alive music makes us happy music moves us and you're not allowed to listen to music the three weeks the period of sphere the period of availas one can't listen to music now you could get into anahalaha technically hilariously speaking the music you can't listen to is live music that makes you dance happy live music we all know there are kumzats on tish above ncsy has a kumuses at the hotel we know that there are the ability to sing and to be moved by negan even during the three weeks even during sphera slow music that's going to move and stir the soul while you're a personal private avail or collectively a national morning of the three weeks or sphera such a slow moving soulful music is permissible it's really live orchestra banned music that makes you dance that's what technically is prohibited some are strict not to listen to any music at all fast or slow live or recorded but technically that is the that is the so even the mourner is able to tap into awakening and comforting and strengthening the soul with a with the at danny morris's funeral they sang his classmates the yeshiva bhakram the shiva boys of sha'vim they sang they sang at ariful hashem yokom damo's funeral while waiting for it to begin the entire huge crowd was singing i was at rip shlomo's funeral in manhattan and there was accumsets it was singing ripped tunes even in those moments especially in those moments in grieving in loss in pain the music the soul the soulful can comfort can strengthen can open up the nisham i can open up the neshama but not only then when davening when learning have that playlist there's so many playlists my wife has the best apple music playlist she's shared it with half the community she maintains it she's like the dj of claudia stroll she's got a great playlist so you need to have a playlist for the soul there's a playlist for the yanta shabbos playlist if a parent plays the hanukkah playlist there's the new songs played this is the oldie but goodies playlist there are countless playlists we live in the gener whoever heard of a playlist when we were young you had to suffer through the entire record you had to suffer through the whole tape because there were two songs you liked you had to play the whole tape today it's a playlist it's a world of playlist you only do what you want you cut and you paste you eliminate that which is you don't want today it's a life and a world of playlists so we have all types of playlists you need an amuna playlist and a moona playlist what are the songs what do we listen to what do we turn on what is it when our soul needs to be awakened aroused inspired and needs to be reminded that we have a soul what is our go-to playlist what is the music we turn to the zoo it's damaged everybody knows this says richard meyer everybody knows the power of music power of song it's not novel it's not new everybody knows that everybody's experienced it but we need to be reminded of it because we don't always think of it as the as the salve for the for the pain we don't always think about it as the antidote we don't always think about it as the medicine that we need we think about a lot of things to awaken a moon learn this or or listen to that shear or go to that place or meet with that inspiring person but we don't necessarily say you know what you need to do you need to listen to soulful music you need to sit in and just be moved and just listen and have it open up your heart have it absolutely open up your heart so that is suggestion number one suggestion number one is the power of music of soul not nigh the power of nigunam kedosham the power of holy music and holy song of holy tunes and holy melodies to open up the soul hashem hopefully everybody should make that playlist and the light should shine the clouds should dissipate once again and the light of the moon of the light of hashem should shine through we should feel its warmth and we should be able to see its brightness and have a clarity not only about him but a clarity in our lives because should bring strength to all those who so desperately desperately need it and we should hashem only have sim cause join us tonight 9 p.m we're going behind the bhima with the great of benji levine the grandson of bravari levin that's of you and you come to learn how did benjamin end up growing up in new jersey and going to hawaii his grandfather was was ravi levin his uncle was yoshif his cousin was in bacheva kanievsky how did he end up and he used to spend summers and now he lives in israel he's dedicated his life to outreach and to jewish unity he's an amazing person with incredible stories you could talk to him forever i hope you'll join us tonight 9 p.m on behind the bima if you'd like to sponsor an episode of ashir and amuna or anything else lee at brsonline.org brsonline.org if you don't yet subscribe to our youtube channel please subscribe you'll be notified in real time every time we go live to learn together and if you're listening on podcasts please rate and review until next time stay happy stay healthy and stay home