Living With Emunah (Part 179): Making Time for God

good morning booker toast everyone welcome back to our weekly living with emunah so generously sponsored by our friends dr xavier bella morgan in memory of rabbi dr brian galbit in memory of bella's mother dr ellen shanzer thank you for your generosity and your sponsorship this morning zamunishir this particular episode is also sponsored by carol walden commemoration of the earth side of her beloved brother robert presner on the 14th of shabbat thank you so much for your generosity nishamas should have an aliyah of all those for whom our shear this morning is sponsored okay we are back together to practice and to work out our emunah muscles to stretch and to grow in our knowledge and awareness and confidence in the presence of hashem every moment in our lives to lean on him to turn to him to look to him to feel his presence and to be able to love him to rely and to depend on him to be grateful to him to acknowledge him to ask of him and to be able to generally feel and know that he's there always and forever two days ago your heaven and i were in an elevator and the elevator got stuck it simply stopped one of you have its worst nightmares before we reach the desired floor pressed the alarm in the elevator and then no one got back to us so he called the place that we were in and they said yeah we know you're stuck we're working on getting you out and so in that minute we're in those moments with more than a minute unfortunately where one can panic you could alternatively take those deep breaths and realize this is the plan this is where we're meant to be when do we get to spend time alone when are we locked in a secluded area without children and without congregants and without responsibilities and without obligations so you can either be miserable and panic or you could lean in and take advantage and say fantastic some alone time what do you want to talk about let's enjoy each other's company and that's what we tried to do by flexing the amuna muscle and by remembering this is where hashem wants us this is where we're meant to be this is what's meant to be happening and therefore to be able to enjoy each and every moment all an extension of our efforts and our vacants share in our immune issue in learning to live with ammuna together okay we are learning to say for beyond morgenstern his fantastic and beautiful insights into how we can acquire darcy kenyon how we can acquire this character trait of clinging to god of glowing of attaching ourselves to him of feeling his presence in our life by working on ammuna first of all by thinking about his existence the origins of the universe his sovereignty his providence his dominion in this world number two is bonanus by being contemplative by carving out space to think to be to exist to feel to be able to feel love and awe and connection torah and fila to remember that religious activities are platforms for religious connections they're not meant to be uh get caught up in the minutia they're not platforms for obsessive-compulsive disorder they're platforms for uh rather for connecting to hashem and therefore to use them and utilize them when we're doing torah and mitzvos when we're davening to really open our hearts and to stir our neshamas to arouse our souls to be able to feel and then the fifth character trait the fifth attribute of which a meyer said was using names using the names of hashem the shame sakedosham the names of many names and when a person meditates when a person reflects when a person pictures in their own mind the power of picturing the power of envisioning you can trace the letters that comprise hashem's name or you could see his whole name flashing as if a neon sign and one feels connected through hashem by utilizing the power of a name and we said it's a little bit out there and for me i personally don't feel competent to really be able to connect and to be able to convey it to you but he talks about the different names of hashem and how to use those names to think about to meditate on those names in a way that can connect us so i mentioned in last week or two weeks ago i mentioned the amunisher the idea of the power of names that we relate to hashem not in his essence we are unable to know his essence he's infinite he's omnipotent he's perfect we're incapable of comprehending his essence the closest we come is his name which is the description of him the way we relate to him the way that he expresses himself in this world and that's why we call it a kid hashem we sanctify god's name or god forbid which is the desecration of of god's name we can connect to and relate to specifically his name we spoke about the power of names of using someone's name i gave you homework and the homework was to use someone's name in your life a loved one a family member a friend or a stranger at the supermarket someone holding the door ask for their name and use their name and you'll see that when you create a connection when you use a name you create a connection intimacy a closeness just by utilizing articulating just by enunciating someone's name and the same is true with hashem when we use his name when we see his name coming up on our caller id when we look around in life we say hashem is calling he's calling me in the elevator right now he's calling me in whatever i'm going through right now he's calling me in the magnificent sunset we were on the west coast of florida we saw a magnificent sunset the shikiya krishborg of the abysster visible even through the sunset so one of our listeners and i love it when you're in touch with me thank you so much for sharing your amuna stories and your other stories with me it helps me and enriches me and all of our other listeners so someone sent me the following as a regular listener to yamuna shirum i want to tell you the following story that happened last week he recently recovered from corona and got a green passport wanted to jump on a plane from israel to another country to see parents who are living there after having been stuck in an apartment for almost a year however when he reached switzerland the border police told me that the information i had received by phone was incorrect and as a passport holder from whatever country i can no longer enter after whatever issues so they'd have to send me back on the next flight the next morning walking me across the airport to my detention room i got into a conversation with the officer having heard your shirt last week on the importance of names i asked him his name he then opened up and told me about his long shifts and how he likes mountain biking during his time off i confided in him my parents are elderly and firm they needed me to go care for them and because i used his name and we created this connection he said that if i got a letter from the doctor he'd be able to help half hour later after speaking to my parents the doctor emailed a suitable letter i was able to spend time with my wonderful parents for three days as originally had been planned an addendum to the story is that the guard the officer also gave me tokens for the cafe at the departure allowed to spend on dinner with nothing else kosher i noticed three swiss chocolates my kids had asked for were the only products on half price and ended up with a full box of chocolates for them courtesy of the border police all because i had used his name and created and felt that connection so the power of using names it's not always going to end up with being able to control a situation to be the outcome that we hope or that we desire it won't always end up with free dinner or free chocolates however there's an enormous power in using a name and a vicious meyer suggests that we utilize the power of names as in the name of hashem in order to connect in order to connect and create a closeness and an intimacy and a casual relationship picture and draw and imagine his name clear your mind just think just be just experience find the god in you the deep rest and the sham of the neshima and connect with hashem in that way okay we're going to skip the rest of the section on names mostly because as i told you i don't really feel competent to teach it or share it or communicate it or learn it with you it goes through the spheros and the merkava and very very lofty and kabbalistic concepts smear to show one day we'll be able to return and understand it more fully but i want to go back to and continue with what we can connect to so number five lash key is man because to make time to make time for god connecting and clinging and attaching ourselves to god is an enormous undertaking it is a difficult difficult job but sarah yeshua says and if you're going to achieve it you have to have a drive if you're going to achieve it you have to feel connected you have to set a goal you have to yearn for it um and only when you have that drive only when you really want it will you be able to achieve it if it's lip service if you don't really want it but you want to want it in theory somewhere in the recesses of your mind somewhere you once heard a talk a conversation about device attaching to god and he said you know one day that'd be kind of cool one day i'd love to experience that one day i'd love to merit the benefits of that but you want to want it you're not yet there you read a biography or you met someone there's someone you admire who lives that life and you want to want that life though you don't want it yet you're never going to get there we have to move things from the column of want to want into the column of actually wanting ratzon and ratson means our yearning our desire what we want and the rat zone you know the kabbalists say the word razon has the same letters as the word si north sinor means a pipeline a conduit the razon creates that sinuor we carve the pipeline we create the flow of an energy we create the flow of a reality based on our rut zone you can over compensate you can make up a lot for what you lack in in incompetency or what you lack in skill or what you lack in strength can be made up for enormously with ruts own with ratzone the word razon which means desire or yearning or want has the same root as the word rats to run because you know when you want something it's as if you're running to go get it whereas if there's something that you have no ruts on for you know you're supposed to do it it's part of the repertoire of being a good jew a good person you don't really want it you want to want it but you don't really want it you're doing it because you have to do it it's the expectations of others to do it you're conforming to social pressures to do it you're conforming to your fear or your concern or what you think is pressure from god to do it so then you're not running to do it you're slowly walking procrastinating schlepping lazily getting there and you're turning it into comments you're turning it into leaven you're undermining it whereas if you develop a red zone a yearning a want a desire a drive the rutzone that yearning alone is like rats it gets you there so quickly so have you ever seen people who have a major major yearning to achieve something in health and wellness in learning and spirituality in the type of transformation of a person they want to be when you express the rut zone when you just express that yearning that desire it makes you rut you're running running running and you get there much much faster you can achieve it in a much more expedited fashion and on a much faster schedule than you ever anticipated if you lack the rut zone if you lack the drive and the desire i mentioned earlier this morning you know sharmshire i had a long drive last night and i was listening to a podcast of tim ferriss he interviewed i forgot the name i apologize an individual who runs the website in the app and the podcast and the and the um and the blog called zen master i think it's called and this individual who was broke he had no money yet to break open his children's piggy bank to be able to afford some cereal and milk to buy the dinner this was an individual who tried to quit smoking seven times and failed this was an individual who's clinically obese and his health was compromised and he transformed his entire life that in 12 months he ran a marathon and he got himself out of debt and he was able to turn his entire life around and he he ended up blogging about what it was that did it and it turned him into a big success and garnered him a huge following and today he's a very prominent prominent leader in this field and he was being interviewed about it and he talked about what was the difference between the first seven times he tried to quit smoking that failed and the eighth time that worked what was the difference between the first many times he tried to get his health under control or his financial spending under control and when he finally was able to break through and one of the elements he spoke about not in this way not in the total way that we're framing it but was the nuts on the notion of razon when you have the drive the desire what did he really want it or did he want to want it did he make a promise and a pledge to himself which he had violated countless times or did he make a promise and pledge to his wife and children which he felt obligated to fulfill what were the other things that he put in place understanding the triggers that undermine to success versus identifying what we're going to be the support systems that would propel him forward when you have the ruts on your ruts when you have the drive the desire the yearning it makes you run and you're able to get there much faster you're able to achieve things in a much quicker speed and measure them on the calendar in ways that even defy explanation so says richard meyer do you have the razor and is it the yearning of the desire to live with vegas is it something one wants to want to do or do we really want to do it do we want to live with vegas do we want to live with that sense of clinging to god and if we do then what are we willing to do about it because mizem akaba koko's nephesh if you want to achieve and receive the strength and you want to receive the determination and the tenacity and the resiliency if you want to be able to get the elements working on your behalf in order to help you achieve it then you need to take the first step which is desire and if you want to know what's the sign what's the symbol how what's the metric says richard meyer how can you measure whether you really want this or not on the msrt how do you know if you really want to cling to god how do you know if you really want to develop that relationship with god how do you know if you really want to live with emunah if you want them in your life are you just listening in on wednesday mornings do you just subscribe to whatsapp emunah an email list and read amuna books or do you really want it what's the simmon what's the metric or measure how do you know says richard meyer kama's manhu covey eliza the answer is how much time are you dedicating and devoting to doing it how much time do you designate and do you spend with god how much time do you talk to him do you confide in him do you unburden do you thank him do you protest do you object you talk to him how much time are you contemplative do you think about him and his world how often are you thinking about him when you're not with him how much effort how much emotion are you willing to invest in feeling connected to him and with him essentially that jimmy is saying there's no difference in the relationship with god and our relationship with other people around us the health and wellness of the relationship a spouse parents children colleagues friends the health of that of that relationship is determined or reflected by how often we think about those people when we're not with them out of sight out of mind you never even think about them do you forget you're a parent do you forget you're a married person do you forget you're a child who has parents is it out of sight out of mind you drop them you forgot about them or even when you're not with them nevertheless the relationship continues to inform and animate and inspire who you are wherever you go and whatever you're doing oh yeah i have parents and i'm concerned about them oh yeah i have children and i love them and think about them oh yeah i'm married and devoted to the person whether i'm with them immediately right now or whether for whatever reason i'm not is it someone or something is that relationship one in which it defines me whether i'm physically present or not or out of sight out of mind i'm done and i drop it how much time do we dedicate do we have a date night do we have a date hour you know in in the um in one of the biographies of the rebels that's all it says something that i found incredibly powerful in there it talked about the fact that every single day in the afternoon would have coffee with his rabbits and his wife and he once commented that having that coffee with his wife if he were to miss it it would be tantamount for him like missing a day of putting on to fill in now you also what's the big deal a husband and wife should spend time together we should be so overwhelmed because want to spend a few minutes with his wife that's not what overwhelms me the fact that he was an amazing and loving husband the fact that he was chivalrous and took care of his wife the fact that he did not neglect her even though he was responsible for so much of claudius role that impresses me but doesn't impress me but we all know what waringtofillin meant to la bhavachareba we all know what filling was for him we all know what finland represented for him and yet he compared if he missed an afternoon coffee if he missed a midday check-in with his wife it would be tantamount to him like missing putting on to film that day that's what it meant it meant that even while he was consumed by caring for claudia israel while the labachareba was handing out dollars to thousands of people or answering thousands of people pieces of correspondence or taking thousands of phone calls or meeting presidents and prime ministers or launching campaigns to transform the world whatever he was doing what he needed what energized him what lifted him was the time he was able to spend with his wife each afternoon and even while he was doing all the other things he was clearly thinking about her it consumed him to find him it's who he was and the time he designated to speak to her to confide in her to consult with her to lift her and to be lifted by her clearly meant so much and that is what revitaminer says that's the simmon that's the sign of the symbol that's the metric of the measure of how well we're doing with this quality with this character trait of devacus do we think about god all the time even when we're not so to say with him although he's with us wherever and whenever in life but are we thinking about him is he on our mind are we looking forward to the next opportunity to be with him to daven or to talk to him informally or to sit and meditate and reflect on him or to be occupied with a mitzvah or to be learning his torah and reading his diary and connecting to him through that experience of not only talking to him but listening to him talk to us do we think about him or not when we're not with him does that relationship continue to define us or do you say out of sight out of mind when i'm not sure i'm not in the basement when i'm not performing a mitzvah per se then out of sight out of mind i'm not thinking about god at all or whatsoever that is the simmon if you want a metric of how well you're doing if you want to know do you want to want to cling to god or do you want to cling to him do you have the rhetoric are you running with the desire then ask yourself how much time you're devoting to god you don't really care about your health and wellness if you never make time to exercise you don't really care about your marriage if you're never carving out time for date night for conversations to just be with your spouse you don't really care about your relationship with your children if you neglect them and out of sight out of mind you don't think about them when you're not with them and you don't make time to spend with them and the same is true with god you want to want maybe to connect with god but you don't really want to you're not really living with him and in a relationship with him if you don't make time for that relationship it's a very simple and it's a very uh it's a very easy metric to measure but it's a hard one to achieve because we get caught up in everything else in life and we claim that we have no time for god we have plenty of time open up your phone or open up your device and look at where it's measuring what you're doing on there and check how much time you spent on social media and check how much time you spent on your streaming apps and spend check how much time you checked news which only was filled with with bad and sad and challenging information for you check it all and realize do you not have time or do you not want to make the time maybe we have plenty of time we just don't want we want to want instead of one we have the time but do we make the time for god mashallah an individual who runs into him meets his friend once a year that's called an acquaintance it's not called a friend somebody you see infrequently you think about infrequently you check in with infrequently you communicate with infrequently as an acquaintance it's not really a friend the nifka shimo pambakhodas but someone you get together with monthly every rosh hoda she get coffee once a month you get lunch as i uh that's a closer friend the person who every day you check in with one another every day you text every day you call every day you spend a few time a few moments that is a true true friend so the degree to which you spend time together you devote time to be together the degree to which you think about one another when you're not together is the reflection of the measure of the closeness the canobin the same is true when it comes to our topic the degree to which a person is clinging with all their heart to hashem is madam yoshikarov so the more the the periods of life the periods of life where we're spending more time with him the closer we are with him i'm kid um and with that we reveal the depth of our heart that's what reveals the depth of our heart when you can't stop listening to the podcast you can't stop listening to that music can't stop reading those books you can't stop exercising can't stop training for that marathon you can't stop doing whatever that habit that activity when you get into tennis or golf or mahjong when you get into whatever it is that's taking all of your time or whatever it is that's consuming that reveals and reflects what you want what you love what you are pursuing and therefore it reveals the depth of our heart and our yearning and our longing is how much time we spend with god do we put him in our calendar do we make time for him in our life do we set an alarm or reminder to spend time with him are we careful every single day and each night before we go to sleep to at least check in with him you know if days or weeks go by you haven't spoken to your children or your parents or your siblings or people who are supposedly your close friends how close are you really every one of us can find a few moments a little bit of time with the gifts of technology of being able to send a text a little voice note a video note a picture we have the capacity to offer gestures to make bids for connection to do check-ins and we have to do it with hashemisborotu to check in with him to talk to him you have a minute walk you have a three minute drive you have a four minute activity you're brushing your teeth you're waiting for the carried coffee maker to finish putting out and producing your cup there are those brief moments for the gesture for the bid for connection for the simple conversation for the check-in because if we really want not just want to want to connect to god to live with god to feel his presence to cling to him and therefore to be enriched to be much healthier physically emotionally spiritually psychologically then we need to make that time and if we never make that time when we claim we have no time then we don't really want the relationship our ots our desire and our drive are not really there oh that's number five do we have the drive and the desire and you measure that by the amount of time that we make number six number six path number six derek the way to acquire a relationship with god because after we've opened up for ourselves the pathway the journey the opening into a life of clinging to god we have to know how to protect it we have to know how to preserve it we have to know how to strengthen it we have to know how to put a boundary around it there have to be boundaries around to our relationships definition of intimacy the more intimacy that you have what is intimacy it's something that's shared with only one person the greatest intimacy one has the biblical name for physical intimacy is la das adam yada is it means that when two people are physically intimate it's something that's shared exclusively uniquely it's a level of vulnerability a level of exposure a level of knowledge one gains uniquely with one other person and the degree to which you share it and you share it without connection and you share it without judgment is the degree to which you dilute and distort and compromise and corrupt the capacity to have a sense of intimacy no intimacy so a person who doesn't reserve their vulnerability and exposing themselves physically literally for one other but they walk around exposed and they're willing to expose themselves to others the more casual one is about that interaction and that connection and that experience the less they'll be able to feel intimacy with another and the same is true in our reality with hashem if you want to be able to have an intimate connection then are there things that you only tell him are there things that he knows anyway are the deepest recesses of your heart your hopes your dreams your fears your aspirations your concerns your anxieties that creates the emotional and the intimate connection it makes you feel closer because you've unburdened and it goes nowhere hashem is the pinnacle hashem is the is the paradigm of confidence it doesn't go anywhere he doesn't sit in judgment you don't have to worry or fear that he'll share it or violate or tell anyone else so the more intimate the connection the more it needs boundaries person in their marriage the highest level of human intimacy between two people in a healthy and a functional marriage so that needs boundaries it needs protection you need to put a boundary and protect it by having things you can find with your spouse that you don't with others you know there's a tragedy taking place all around us of people who are not only practicing physical infidelity by physically being intimate with someone other than their spouse but emotionally are unburdening emotionally are confiding emotionally are connecting with someone other than their spouse usually it's a reflection of something that's lacking or missing in their own marriage which needs to be worked on but the answer the solution is not to find it outside is to have the courage and the conviction to find it and to solve it and to create it as much as possible within one's marriage but it's a horrific violation to find the emotional intimacy and connection outside of the person that you promised and pledged to uniquely share it with be it with a member of the opposite gender even a member of the same gender a good friend really that's the role and that should be the connection of a spouse so that intimacy in order to thrive and to be the healthiest it needs to be protected it needs to be preserved it needs boundaries and it needs mindfulness and it needs effort the zen nasa and this is done is you can't ever stop thinking about the other and that's true in marriage and it's true in our marriage and in our loving relationship and connection with hashem to never stop thinking about god to never ever feel that he's not on top of me the idea of men wearing a yamaka yare malka is the idea that there's something over me there's something on top of me wherever i am and whatever i'm doing he's with me there is no vacation there's no yeshiva week from god there's no yeshiva week or vacation from marriage there's no business trip in which you're no longer married and there's no business trip or vacation or yeshiva week from god family someone's not your true friend if they're sometimes they show up and other times they abandon you and the same is true with god you can't just show up on occasion and other times abandoned you have to be consistent there has to be a sense of consistency and a sense of constancy and that's very hard very very hard you know the question is what do you compare religious life to the idea of davening and keeping kosher the idea of setting aside time for learning the idea of seeking righteousness and generosity in the way we treat others is that like exercise that you could take a break you know when you train for a marathon you work out intensely and then you need your body to go into recovery so you take time off do you go into recovery and take time off i'm gonna go a week without davening i'm gonna go a week without being disciplined and keeping kosher i'm gonna go a week where i allowed to gossip no we compare religious life not to exercise which you take time off from you compare it to marriage you compare it to parenting you don't get entitled to say even when you go on a vacation you're not entitled for a week to say i'm not a parent i bear no responsibility you're not entitled for a week to say i'm not married i get to go on vacation or a business trip and do whatever i want however with whomever i want these are a part of our identity our profile it's who i am and there's no vacation there's no break from it there's no hasahadas i can never stop thinking about it i can never tear myself away from it and so real relationships they take consistency and they take constancy they take vigilance and they take effort they take yearning they take desire they take intimacy they take boundaries and our relationship with god is no different than all these others sadly sadly i think so many people struggle in the relationship with god not because they're excelling in all other areas but they're struggling to transfer it and relate it to the relationship with god i think there are many many people who are struggling to feel it even in any relationship let alone the invisible one with god but if we have healthier marriages and healthier parenting and healthier friendships and we understand these building blocks and fundamentals of all the relationships with our life then we can take them and apply them to our relationship with hashem but when we lack them and we can't find them or achieve them even in our other areas of relationships in life then all the more so we're going to struggle it's going to be hard to do so in our relationship with hashem so we should be zoho we should all merit to succeed to find the happiness and the fulfillment and the joy and the pleasure in all these relationships and most of all the relationship with our creator the relationship with the melak the king of kings the one in charge our relationship with the one with whom who gives us life and who will give us eternal life to make that time and to carve out that connection and to move it from wanting to want into wanting to earn the razon and the facial the yearning and the desire to be able to find hashem in our lives and to live with emunah till next time stay happy stay healthy stay holy if you're enjoying us on youtube please subscribe to our channel to become updated on all the latest classes shirum and programs join us tonight 9pm as we go behind the bhima with a very special guest we'll announce shortly until then have a fantastic and phenomenal day