Living With Emunah (Part 159): Never Ever Alone

good morning boca tov great to be back together again in our living with emunah support group to reinforce one another to feel hashem's guiding hand and loving presence in our lives today each day and always i want to thank our generous sponsors dr xavi and bella morgan who've sponsored the yamuna series for this year in memory of rabbi dr brian galbet nassan who of course was and is a model for us of emunah it occurred to me recently that my dear friend brian i don't remember him ever belonging to an amuna whatsapp group or subscribing to an emunah email or listening to ammunition or necessarily learning emunah svarim there were people who intuited who lived it who didn't need to focus or emphasize or or sign up for the latest group of it they just actually practiced it and that's not to suggest that any of us shouldn't be doing those things they're wonderful reinforcements they're an amazing source of support but it makes it all the more impressive the type of emunah that he lived with his entire life and particularly at the end of his life without using those other tools or instruments but simply living it his very self so thank you to the morgans for that generous sponsorship this morning's particular class is also sponsored by leo and lucy diabet in memory of leo's great grandfather review the levy thank you for your generous sponsorship so um we're gonna start a new text today i don't have it copied for you so i'm simply going to read it and hopefully you'll be able to follow along without uh without having access to it i appreciate your patience please god for next week i'll i'll post a pdf of it somewhere and it comes from a safer called was recommended to me by moshe weinberger one of my rebellion and its author is anonymous which i think makes it in the one hand you'd say put your name on what you're doing don't you stand by your contribution on the other hand it also makes it incredibly humbling and really gives it some level of credibility that the author is is not trying to advance his own name or reputation or honor but really it's about advancing the torah the torah is the brand and hashem's will so i don't know who the author is there are many many volumes they're very hard to get whenever i go to israel please god will be able to go again soon whenever i go i go to farm store and i find a random smattering of them but there are many many many many volumes and this is the volume on the topic of beetahon very thick volume many of the volumes are much thinner he has on every topic from anger and envy and serving hashem and patience and living in the moment and no sibling it's really a wonderful wonderful wonderful series so here he has we'll do some sections of it i find it really beautiful not only in his drawing from so much of the total wisdom that's out there already but also giving very practical advice about how to advance with it how to live with it he says the following he quotes the maharali begins with the quote we think that we have three independent and overlapping concepts in mitzvos called emunah bitachon and vegas and we've spent over the last few years that we've been studying together we've spent time trying to define what is the difference between a moon of faith beta on trust and vacus cleaving or clinging to hashem what is the difference between the two and if we have to summarize it very succinctly in a sentence or two emunah is in the abstract and it is i believe there is a creator there's a first cause i don't necessarily have a relationship with him he doesn't necessarily influence what's happening in my life but there's someone who created everything there is something out there there's something out there i was having a discussion i referenced in the earlier show this morning yesterday with um a young jewish guy i know struggling with his judaism and he said you know i don't know if i really believe in god there's some cause there's some i said i don't know if god's particular of the name that you give him as long as you believe that it's not you you know that it's not random a chance you know that there's some greater energy cause source of it all that's emunah bitahon is that i place my trust that not only does he exist and not only did he create the world not isn't the only out there in the abstract and in theory he's in my life he's involved in my life he's with me and then vegas is because i know he's with me because i know he's in the room that influences what i say what i watch but also influences that i don't panic i don't have fear or anxiety i know he's got my back i know he's with me then deveka says i therefore cling to him i therefore stick with him i therefore trust him so the marau writes into pharisee's throat ha is the core of duvecus you're not going to cling to someone or something you don't believe exists you cling to that which you believe is real and the racist when a person really believes hashem exists then you'll cling to him the really the two go hand in hand is what he's saying meaning meaning if you really believe there's an infinite omnipotent god who's involved and knows everything in your life who influences the outcome the happiness the joy the satisfaction the fulfillment all of your heart's wishes for the good then of course you would cling to him of course you would want to be near him talk to him love him give to him dedicate them be devoted to him and if you don't do all those things what it really reveals is there's a in the armor what it reveals is there's a little bit of doubt that's crept in because who wouldn't who wouldn't want to attach themselves to someone who is the source of all who is all-powerful who is entirely responsible for that outcome you know the have deal in this world you see all the time people cling to they literally practiced vegas they try to cleave and cling to the individuals they perceive our powerful wealthy have famed celebrity honor name and you'll see people cling to them attach themselves to them try to get to know them have a relationship with them name drop them so if that's true for the mere mortals if that's true for people bus of adam of this world all the more so if that's how a person would feel or want to be connected then all the more so to the king of kings the almighty to the almighty who truly is the source of everything so the level of vacus we practice the degree to which we feel his presence and try to cling to him stick with him feel he's got our back depend on him rely on and defer to him reveals how much we really believe he's there because if we don't do those things we may not or must not fully or entirely believe he's there otherwise otherwise we would otherwise we would dabba kashmir so he begins this this chapter by saying the following a very difficult and painful thing you'll see why i chose it kasha of the kawaii difficult and painful for a person is bididut now six months ago you might not have been familiar with that that word means bididut you might not have heard that hebrew word six months ago you might not have been familiar with it you certainly might not have identified with it but by now all of us particularly if you have family in israel are you planning to go to israel and you know the law in israel know what that word means and what it means is quarantine what it means is alone what it means is isolation what it means is to be to be by ourselves to be by ourselves one more sponsor by the way we left out i'm sorry thank you linda julian richard ehrlich in honor of uh leo's bar mitzvah the shabbos tomorrow morning and the shabbos were a young wonderful young man i met with him yesterday should be a great source of nafas to his parents his amazing parents his wonderful grandparents and he has such a great attitude to having a bar mitzvah in this difficult time what a what a display of emunah and bitarchon to be able to be so happy about a bar mitzvah even in this difficult time so thank you to the eurolocks for that for that sponsorship as well so david kashmir a very difficult and painful thing for a person is bedidus is being alone is being isolated he's feeling that we're entirely by ourselves in israel the law is my kids went back to israel finally and they had to go right into bidud they're still in their state of quarantine in their apartment not like american quarantine it's really quarantined like they check your cell phone gps they call you several times they show up at the door and you have to hold up your baby to make sure everybody's in the home who's supposed to be in the home that's like legit be dude so be do it aloneness loneliness isolation we spoke about this tissue of night echa how the pain of describes that the pain of the jewish people was to be alone there's nothing more painful if you think about it when a person is being punished in a prison what is the greatest punishment we put a person in solitary confinement it's the most painful punishment solitary confinement alone no one to talk to no one to connect with no camaraderie no community nothing alone alone adam the tibot man is designed man generic man we are designed and we are created as social animals we need people around us now true there are introverts and true there are extroverts on one of the episodes of behind the bema we talked about that the rabbis talked about what we discovered about ourselves whether in fact we are social animals you know the the quarantine we talked about it much earlier on but did we discover in fact that we're okay being alone or do we crave and need to be with other people are we some hybrid of the two is it what we always thought there are introverts and there are extroverts but even the introvert craves connection the introvert might stay quiet in that crowded room but occasionally they want to be in a room with other people so where does that come from where is the nakuda where is the the source what is the point what is the root of that craving or longing within the psyche of all people men and women to not want to be alone why is it that nobody in prison says solitary confinement awesome perfect that's what i was going for that's not a punishment that's a reward never as the child has been putting time out said awesome maybe if they have their device they're excited because they're connecting with others take away their device and put them in time out and you might as well cut out their kidneys you might as well take out their spleen you might as well remove an organ you might as well sever a limb to be alone all of us have this makuta this core inside us that craves connection camaraderie that wants to be with people and says the lama that's what we're gonna have to call his name because we don't know who the author is where does that come from psychologically in our psyche and our very development and design it comes ultimately from the craving to connect to our creator to know there is someone and there is something so much bigger than ourselves to not want to walk through this world and think we're really all alone with the obstacles we face and with the challenges we confront and even the moment of joy and the happiness and the celebration to do it alone to not have anyone to share it with to lean on to rely on to be supported by it's deeply deeply profound profoundly painful you know when i was younger i took up golf a little bit in high school i took a long break from it in my yeshiva years when i came down to boca i rediscovered it in a certain section down here i was able to play off and now i can barely play but in all that time i never played golf alone i could count on one hand with a few fingers left over how many times i played golf alone because to me the golf is a platform to connect socially but it's also the opportunity to share the experience so to me if you hit an amazing shot you hit the best shot of your life and there's no one there to see it to share it with to celebrate it with it takes something away on the other hand you have a terrible round and there's nobody there to laugh at it with there's nobody there left when you shake the ball or hit our money in the water then it's also what was the point of going out so we all naturally instinctively have this draw this desire we want to connect with others where does that come from ultimately it comes from the desire to connect to our creator admiration the first man had that desire that need even before there was anyone to spend time with there was no before there was an eve he still felt this yearning this draw with whom was he meant to connect why did he feel this draw he wanted to connect hashem then that has come into this world at times feels alone and you know psychologists have identified a feeling of being alone even in a crowded room there's a lot of loneliness one of the plagues of our generation it's been written about google and you'll read research and you'll see is even with all the connectivity online a million facebook friends a million twitter friends a million this a million that you could have all the online friends and connections in the world but the more people are connected online the lonelier they are feeling offline how much real connection face to face heart to heart intimate confiding connection is there people at times really feel alone they can feel alone even in a crowded room they could feel alone even with a big family the lonely man of faith to be experiencing things whether it's intellectually emotionally spiritually that you just don't believe others can connect with identify with share in there is occasionally that feeling of just really being alone inner thoughts and inner dialogue that you're not comfortable sharing with anyone on the whole planet there can be feelings of being alone so you see the soul the soul comes from the keys our soul comes from god's divine throne our soul is the soul actually comes from god and here it was taken from god and it was brought down to this earth and it was placed into this prison called the body and the soul in this prison called the body is in the solitary confinement of the body and the soul says yes through this body i find expression in this world but i also feel trapped and i also feel to a degree isolated because while the body presents opportunities and the body is a vehicle and an instrument to interact in this world the body is also filled with temptation desire limits of rights that he longs for when he leaves this world and he can disrobe from the body what he meant is i've said this analogy many times when you come home i wear a suit and a tie all day long and that opportunity whatever day or time of night it is to finally take that off and put on that t-shirt and shorts put on those pajamas finally put on something more comfortable it's like taking off a straight jacket it's like taking off something you know chains that are imprisoning you so to the soldier of nachman his soul that wanted to fly free that wanted to reconnect to hashem that body is like a suit and a tie it's like a straight jacket holding us back and creating all kinds of distractions temptations the soul is constantly looking to reconnect with its true source to connect to god and can feel lonely within that prison that is the body is are all about he says and this is the message i want to share with you this morning i want to share with me this morning is that a person needs to know and needs to feel in this world that we're never ever alone that that feeling of loneliness that others that the atheist or the agnostic or the doubter struggle with struggles with that feeling of loneliness and aloneness which is profoundly painful and difficult the faithful jew the faithful person never has to feel it shamish because there's someone always with us and there's someone who loves us and there's someone that we can confide in that we're never ever alone yes there's a creator of the world who's interested in our lives you know sometimes there are people who live with the spouse or children i feel i talk but are they really listening it seems they're distracted they're multitasking they don't respond they don't really absorb what i'm saying maybe they even can mimic back the words i use but are they really listening are they really interested does anyone really care what's going on in my life has anyone asked me how i feel what are my dreams and aspirations what are my fears and concerns where do i ever want to go what do i want to do is there anyone who's really interested and concerned and wants to learn about me there are people like i say with large families or of a marriage that on the outside looks happy but they struggle with that sentiment and sense of does anyone really care about me do they inquire do they ask do they want to learn do they want to get into my head can i trust and that feeling is of loneliness of loneliness so says if you live with faith if you know that there is a god a creator that he's involved and invested in our lives then you never need to feel that yes it's difficult he's invisible and he doesn't answer back and you can't hear him talking you can't touch him you can't feel his embrace you can't smell him the awareness of him doesn't use the five senses and it makes it difficult of course but yet he is there we can know he's there and therefore never ever have to feel alone or lonely he's interested in milava oh so he accompanies us with us all times you wake up in the middle of the night you have insomnia you can't sleep you're worried about certain things he woke up he's awake with you it's the middle of the day and you're driving back from new york and and you feel alone he's with you next to you he's keeping you awake whenever you're going through you're in the doctor's office and you're in the second waiting room and you're still waiting for that doctor but now they've taken away all the things so you're bored and you have nothing to do he's in there waiting with you whatever you're going through and wherever you are it's an amazing video that's surfaced by stein's outside sao passed away stein's arts was a incredible what an accomplished person not only has it but his whole life and his his contribution what he gave us so there's a video that surfaced of one of the times that resharing thoughts was very close with the bachelorette was visiting the rebbe you can see this video it came out the the videos of the dollars of the rebbe came out and people have sliced and diced them to find different personalities even to find themselves in those videos so someone founded by steins out online getting a dollar from the rebbe when he was visiting america one day and in their conversation which is fascinating the rebbe says to him it takes an interest how is your wife tara shines out which is self-fascinating and rabbi schneider says she's doing well she's uh she's still in israel i'm here i'm on this trip all alone that's the language remaishtein's also uses to which the rabbit turns to him and he says never say you're alone hashem is always with you you're never alone on any trip it was an it's an exchange where shines that takes the dollar they wish each other well and he goes on it was an exchange that if you don't pay attention you won't even notice it and yet it was profound brilliant and beautiful and for the bachelorette it wasn't a vort it wasn't a dvar torah he wasn't saying it for the camera it wasn't something to motivate or inspire the community it was his instinctive reaction what do you mean a jew says i'm here i'm traveling alone the words i'm traveling alone are an oxymoron the words i'm traveling alone don't belong in our vocabulary for the love it's just never true it's never ever true you're never ever ever traveling alone you're never not traveling alone you're never alone hashem is with us he's interested in us he's malawi he was with us he's with us always shivi he's with us not only collectively nationally internationally he's with us individually every step that we take ainabori he doesn't say i created you and i invested you and i empowered you with all the potential in the world good luck go and do every single step of the way yes he wants us to exhibit a certain sense of independence he wants us to graduate to work hard to learn to take initiative but even while we do all those things he is with us every step of the way is he is with us as hashem is close to all who call out to him we say in ashrae karabakh why are you looking for him why is searching for him why do you feel you can't find him he's right there all you have to do is call out to him in earnest all you have to do is be authentic he's worried about us and concerned with us he's with us each and every each and every moment you know if you i bless everybody who wants to have children to have children i bless those who have children who want to see them married to enjoy the pleasure and the gift and the simcha of seeing them married so you know that recently i hate the expression because it's not english to marry off a child i don't even know what it means but recently we celebrated the marriage of our second child so you know i think about this that to a certain degree you say to your child you know we raised you and we gave you an education and we hopefully tried to role model for you and we've empowered you we've given you the tools and the life skills and go go now build your home build your family create that continuity go on the one hand you've given it to hashem has given it to you in your dna in your in your nature and we hope we've given it to you in your nurture and now go go make us proud go do it but at the same time are we not facetiming every three seconds do we not go and see that apartment are we not with them every step and every decision are we not trying to help and do we want to not want to know about everything are we not cheering them on are we not taking pride and if they struggle are we not crying and are we not sad and are we not worried right next to them i want not with them now it's not a perfect analogy whatsoever because obviously unlike the case of hashem we're not living in their apartment we're not literally with them at every moment but one can the the model the paradigm the perspective of a parent can give us insight into how hashem feels about us that you can on the one hand desire the independence and in power give the tools and encourage go go do and at the other hand still be entirely invested and want to be present and aware of and love and be there to help every step of the way that's how hashem is in our lives the word means a goal the goal the mission of creation this is our goal and this is our mission are you listening carefully this is why we are here each in our own way and each with our own personality and each with our own liability and challenges but our mission and our goal the matara of the bria of creation is to coronate god as our king not to go through life thinking i'm in power i'm in control i'm in charge i take pride or i take credit or i take responsibility or i take blame our goal of matara the mission of the briya is to be malik hashem to walk around in this life and to say it's up to him power went out the tent blew away the traffic the shaytan's still nowhere to be found there's nowhere to be found it's not up to me hashem it's not up to me it's up to him he's the king he's the king of kings i defer to him i defer to him he's the king of kings he is the king of kings to be mama hashem tonight is rashford friday is rashford first of all this is it the countdown has begun this is the countdown to rosh hashanah team kipper i wrote an article this week don't write off yama narayan this year don't take a loss on yamaram this year don't think just because we're in a pandemic and we don't have the normal sources and the trappings and the sources of support that help us that therefore i should just write it off you can still be inspired you could still grow you can still break through and i would argue even more than in other years it just means that more of it has to become from internally and from ourselves and we can't rely on the usual sources of support we're putting out our new yellow brochure today or tomorrow it's filled with opportunities but you we have to take advantage of them we have to stretch we have to reach we have to leave our comfort zone we have to set goals and make resolutions to achieve them we have to measure our success we're having a mind body soul challenge we set up what's app groups and we have a app to be able to register for all kinds of challenges mind body and soul and over the 30 days to take on these challenges and to measure the progress that we're going to have to be driven ourselves to be able to do it to be able to do it but that's what this time period is all about to be mamle hashem when we get to rosh hashanah and we hear the sound of that chauffeur it is the trumpet at the coronation at the inauguration ceremony it's the trumpet we are declaring that god is not our nominee we are declaring that god is the king of kings he is it he is everything he is in charge and therefore i want a relationship with him who doesn't want access to the greatest source of power the most powerful person on earth well a million billion trillion gazillion times more lahavdil who doesn't want access an audience a relationship a closeness an intimacy a confidence with the king of kings the source of it all um we have to be mama hashem to realize that not only is he the king he's an unusual king the king doesn't usually know all his subjects the king can't possibly have a relationship with the billions of people who live in his kingdom but god is an altogether different type of king he is the king of kings hashem is a king who not only has an awareness of the census of everyone in his kingdom he has a direct and intimate and personal relationship with each and every one of us every one of us that it matters to him it matters to him you see my dearest friends listen carefully what i'm saying our goal for the next 30 40 days until we get to yom kippur and well beyond really for the entire year this notion of being mama hashem is not that hashem is arrogant it's not that god has some ego he needs to be stoked and stroked and we have to tell him how great he is and be mama oh oh yeah here we go it's that time of year that we got to tell god how great he is we got to make him the king of kings we got to submit him we got to bow to him it's all about god no it's not about that it's the opposite it's do you know what it means for us to know that i have a relationship with the king of kings you know what it does from my sense of never ever ever feeling lonely never ever ever feeling unworthy inconsequential or invisible these are things that are plaguing the world today mental health challenges in the world so much emanate from feelings of being invisible and inconsequential i don't matter nobody cares what difference does it make if you've ever counseled people who've been suicidal they will you literally use the words and say i've heard it too many times if i disappeared nobody would care often that's what drives suicidal ideation which by the way has been enormously on the rise among young people in this pandemic it's one of the costs of quarantine shutdown and one of the variables in this calculus that has to go on about what we should do but people with suicidal ideation use those words they say if i disappeared nobody would care if i weren't here it wouldn't matter to anybody now it would not only would it matter to the people around you and people who love you but it would matter to the king of kings do you know that the king knows you exist and cares that you exist and what you do next matters what you choose to watch what you choose to say where you choose to go how you choose to behave and most significantly if you choose to have a relationship with him do you talk to him do you thank him do you ask him do you protest him do you object to him all of that he cares about he cares about so this whole time of the year what i'm trying to do is recalibrate this time of the year is not about god it's not that he needs to hear that he's the king it's not that we have to have a coronation celebration for his ego but for him it's for us it's that when we realize whoa i'm not just one of his loyal subjects but he knows and he cares about me he knows i'm here he's a relationship with me i have access i have an audience with him at will at will who can get into the oval office at world who gets the prime minister's office that will who can get into their doctor's office at will who can see that lawyer who can see that who can see anyone at will and yet we take three steps forward close your eyes don't even do that and you are talking to hashem at will the king of kings and he's interested in what you have to say unlike for many the people around them you don't have to wonder they really care are they really interested are they really listening hashem cares so that's the matara sabriya that is the goal of creation it's why we're here to carnate god and to know that every blade of grass and certainly every human being god has an individual and a personal and an intimate relationship with that we matter that he cares that we are here we are here to make a difference and by the way we read in last week's parasha badam hashem we are his children and that makes us royalty it makes us princes and princesses it means that we too are his ambassadors and we are his agents we are part of his family and we have a role and a mission to play here on earth every one of us can make a difference can make a difference so we're being mohammed hashem and it makes a difference we said last shabbos when we recited the rashford benching we ended why don't we just say come shallow sleeping oh why do we say komisha still benefit all of the desires and all of the requests of our heart letova for good does anyone not desire good for themselves does anyone ask or crave harm for themselves so why call me shall sleep no letova hashem answer all of the desires and the requests of our heart letova for good image that's how recording the rebel today asks the same question about rosh hashanah what do we say on rosh hashanah tovah have a sweet year have a happy year shalatova shanatova so baba triba said the following how could it not be letova says the following he says you know there's there's what we want for ourselves that we think is good but often what we want for ourselves that we think is good really isn't good we have such a finite and limited perspective so we have to make this job work out make this up work out make that house work out make this moment that vacation work out make this result of this test i took work out we have this thought process when we say hashem we push him for what we want based on our perspective but you know coma chalice libano all the desires of our heart are not necessarily good there are people who look back in their life and say thank god i didn't get that job thank god i didn't marry that mahashiva thank god i didn't uh whatever that didn't work out in that moment i didn't get that parking spot thank god i didn't i wanted it so badly and i asked so hard for it and i thought it was exactly what i needed but thank god i didn't get it so therefore we say call me charles libenu but komisha's libeno le tova it should be for good it should be for good sorry the laboratory of his insight was that's why we say shanatova um it's shanatova by definition god only gives us what's good but we ask god we hope and we wish for one another we say may the shanatova may that which is good also be sweet it should be shana tova umasuka whatever happens in our lives is by definition good because it comes from god but we ask for it and we hope that whatever is shana tova whatever is good should also be misuka should also be should also be sweet so that's our mission that's our work that's your homework that's my homework is to be hashem that feeling of bedude of loneliness we're not in quantity and our soul is not in quarantine in our body and we're not in quarantine even in a crowded room we don't have to ever feel lonely invisible inconsequential unworthy we don't have to ever wonder does anyone care we don't have to ever worry we're never ever alone like they've ever told about scheinstein's traveling alone you're never traveling alone you're never having that shabbos meal alone you're never in quarantine alone you're never ever ever alone ever that word alone loneliness is not part of our vocabulary the faithful believing jew knows god is always with me he says he references another one of his volumes we have to believe that the whole world was created just for me the world and everything in it everything hashem put in this world he did just for me so he he made the whole set the whole stage and he just put one actor on it me and he's the director and all there's no audience there's no other actors there's a whole stage there's a whole costume there's a whole play and he just put me here and he's directing it he's taking care of everything i'm a child of the king who loves me and he's worried personally in detail about what i have been you know the royalty that the president's kids have have have protection always wherever they go well if i'm a bad man if we are princes and princesses if we're the children of royalty then we have divine protection everywhere we go everywhere we go president the prime minister the head of state's children never ever travel alone without protection ever without protection ivanka trump's kids went to camp murasha last summer and the the i know kids from marshall described to me that some of the secret service who were trying to blend in by dressing as modern orthodox kids and counselors but it was hilarious because they couldn't pull it off so but you knew exactly who they were stationed all over the camp they were scheduled to go again this summer which was really extraordinary if you think about it president's grandchildren at camp marsha where i went to camp but um the president the prime minister the head of state's children they never go out without protection they always have secret service well we are the royalty of akash borah and when we're going through our lives we're never going through our lives without protection there is secret service it's the most secret service it's barack it's actually invisible he actually blends in his angels and he himself are protecting us everywhere we go everywhere we go so i think this is such an important message and we'll continue to learn this piece i think it's such an important message particularly in this time because there is such a pervasive feeling of loneliness even the people who have crowded homes and who are not living in isolation but there's really a feeling of loneliness how badly do we crave kiddushes and simhas and daviding next to each other how badly do we crave shabbos meals shabbos learning in person instead of over this zoom how badly do we crave being together we have this feeling this sense of loneliness but it can be offset we have to work on we coronate hashem by remembering and reminding ourselves and working on this together that amunda means knowing not only that he exists but that he exists in this room his hand on my shoulder there is no solitary confinement in jewish life there is no i'm traveling alone there is never ever ever alone and when we feel that way we find the strength we feel that way when we feel that way we have the support when we feel that way we're able to have the balance the equilibrium the happiness in our lives that we all crave it's aposic in our parasha tamim tiam hashem just everywhere you go be imagined that he's with us everywhere we go wherever we are we should be zoho we should merit that see you tonight nine o'clock behind the bema special guest and uh looking forward in the meantime stay happy stay healthy and stay holy have a great day