Living with Emunah (Part 146): If You Have Faith, You Cannot Hate

good morning and welcome back to living it with a Munna the truth is it's sort of redundant so if you don't have a muna you're not really living person is going through life selfishly egotistically thinks they're in control thinks they're in charge takes credit for everything worries about everything is not really alive they're dead even while they're alive the only way to truly be alive is to live with a muna it's a league by Muno so yeah yeah it's V the name sweet Sally Pomona so you hear that sound like the righteous live with em you know and moon is what animates our lives are what gives us life it's the air that we breathe it's the oxygen that lets us very much be alive I want to thank our generous sponsors for the year dr. Xavi and Bella Morgan thank you so much for your generosity we've dedicated our living with I'm gonna seriously the initial master dr. Brian gambit but has he been moving nos on who lived a life of the Emunah and was an amazing example to all of us I also want to thank the sponsors for today's particular class the Schreyer family our good friends and loving memory of great uncle lester freamon lee as its fee Ben Avram who's your site is this coming Shabbos Croft STR and lastly I want to take the liberty and the license to dedicate our learning today today is my bubby my grandmother my mother's mother's year at site Yenta Rocco Bass well my bubby my grandmother for whom my oldest daughter Rafael is named my grandmother's Yenta Rocco and my daughters Raquel Raquel my grandmother was a very special woman who really also exemplified living with Emunah her favorite pasta even as she lay in the hospital was Tomoyuki Tov Asha I'm tasting you'll see that Hashem is good she thought Tommy's presence she loved a Shem she talked to a Shem she was and continues to be an inspiration to us and her neshama should also have an Aliya today on her yard site and each and every day we continue our learning ever of Schwartz's beautiful pieces sa does--but Kanaka know your betta home where he defined Batak own very focused for us the talk on is not my wish list I want all these things and therefore I believe I have faith I trust that I shall do them for me that's not faith and that's not believing that's not trust let's in fact arrogance looking at the world deciding how you want things to happen and then asking the almighty omnipotent divine providential to conform to your will in your wish that's not faith that's not trust at all so therefore he's defined it for us what does it mean Batak own it means not only that whatever happens to me I understand and I integrate and I accept as being in my best interest certainly I have my interpretation of what would be best and I go after it I pursue it I pursue that person in marriage I pursue that effort to have children I pursue that job that I think will provide me a livelihood I prefer I pursue that lifestyle that I think will be healthy and well I take my initiative and I pursue but once I've done that whatever happens and however it happens whatever life and the world throw my way I know are not coincidental they're not random or Chancellor by design they're choreographed and curated from above that it's all the will of Hashem that's bata home but he's defined it even more directly even more succinctly you know what be Tahoma bet off is betta hone is when I have confidence and comfort and come because I know that once I express my effort and take my initiative once I fight like anything in order to do what I think is best I then concede and submit I then recognize that it's all from a sham so we've been talking for many many weeks right now the theme of his essay is we have external selves and internal cells we have the external sense of the world in which we live that is characterized by battling by fighting from when we wake up in the morning we were just talking about a few minutes ago and our Missy Lister sharpshooter days there I'm Krauser at site we were just talking about how from the moment we wake up were battling we're battling exhaustion and who wants to wake up we're battling breakfast and wanting to eat the wrong things were battling getting ourselves going and just wanting to take a nap on the couch were battling sharing gossip or phoning that inappropriate me mirja for email were battling battling battling and all that's by seven o'clock in the morning and that lasts until we go to sleep at night the external sense of self has to overcome so much inertia so much friction we have to overcome so much momentum that sometimes feels like it is in our way and flowing against us just to get through the day but the internal sense of so the godly sense of self is not battling it sees a harmony of the universe it understands that everything is God's will and God's design and therefore those are just things I need to do but there are no opposing forces there is nothing that stands in my way I simply am the person I'm meant to be and I live the life I'm meant to live and I make the choices that are correct and right for me to choose and once I've done that I have a calm and a confidence I can live with a piece and a tranquility it doesn't mean I don't live with pain people have sustained great loss through this horrific pandemic and the grief is real people who can't celebrate the way they deserve to celebrate milestones and synthos people who can't grow even more in the way they deserve to honor the memory of loved ones who are gone people who can't go out and have experiences or take the vacations people don't have access to the jobs they worked hard to achieve there's real grief there's real pain there's real sadness and rush warts is not suggesting that we deny or deprive ourselves of experiencing any of those emotions but all he is suggesting is do we experience them from a position of calm and a position of peace that yes this is painful and yes it hurts but I have trust and I have confidence that it's for a reason I'm not battling I accept that this is the divine will for a reason I can't have access to now some people really struggle with that some people really struggle how do I understand why do bad things happen to good people it's an amazing program this coming Sunday violin which has diverse Torah leadership men and women from across the Orthodox spectrums speaking so if Evan and I were interviewed for it streaming it'll be shown on Sunday as part of this program and one of the topics that came up is how do we teach our children about why bad things happen to good people why are there righteous people around us for some family members for other just religious leaders and righteous people and neighbors both public publicly understood and appreciated for the righteousness and people are very modestly and privately led righteous lives and we're losing them and how do you explain so I asked that I told the person interview who asked that question I said what do you mean how do you explain that to children how do you explain that to adults can someone explain it to me I'm the rabbi I'm meant to explain it to others who's gonna explain it to me there is no answer and we have to concede and submit and realize that if I knew why bad things happen to good people then I wouldn't be having faith in God I'd be God because only God from his divine perch only God from his infinite porch only God from his omnipotent perspective can look at this world to know and see the bigger picture can look ahead can understand we what I emphasized to him and I don't want to spoil the entire thing if you ought to watch it but what I emphasize that we do for children is first of all validate their feeling that it's understandable you know too many children have been turned off to religion because they had a teacher or ready a parent who said we don't ask that that lacks a moon on me Tejon don't challenge don't ask quiet we just trust that's also not accurate that's not our tradition Avram avinu didn't protest God and say how could you kill people in stone maybe there's someone righteous there we don't have a tradition of protest Moshe I mean who didn't say how many Nos Kodaka show me your face Hashem show me why bad things happen to good people to which I shall replied you could see the back of my head you can understand some things in retrospect but you won't understand things as they happen we have a illustrious tradition of our most prominent and esteemed leaders who also had this question why do bad things happen to good people and they objected they protested the almighty to Hashem so the answer is not to become paralyzed or debilitated by the question is to use the question to become closer to him and to realize there's nothing wrong with the question and in fact even just having that question means I believe in Hashem because I hadn't have trust by him believe in Hashem I wouldn't ask where is he and how he can he do this I would say he didn't do it it's random its statistic its chance its happenstance it's natural order it's a disease it's a virus it's an illness the very fact that we were bothered by this question is in itself an expression of the faith that we have in him that we expect more that we expect and we want and we seek to understand so be talked on doesn't mean that world goes our way that life's gonna go our way and be tough them doesn't mean that we don't honor and feel the very real feelings of grief of loss loss real loss of people and of life or even the loss of experiences or hope so dreams are opportunities which the last two months says has hurt all of us with taking away things away we'd want it to be real be tough one simply means that instead of viewing the world as opposing me as obstacles in front of me I accept that it's all divine it's all from Hashem and so every day I wake up and I say what do I need to do I need to fight the illness and I need to fight the injustice and I need to do what I need to do to provide for my family every day I wake up I do what I need to do but however it results whatever its consequence whatever will happen in the end I accept as being from Hashem there's a harmony in the universe I'm not battling and I'm not fighting but I see the world as an expression of our Shems will and therefore I'm able to accept I'm able to have a sense of calm no matter what's going on in our way and I'll tell you this this notion notion this in a sense of positivity bias we have precedent we have extraordinary people who lived that way and I'll give you an example I recently gave a shearing show on bias and someone so generously sent me this beautiful book positivity bias written by her Mendel Kalman Singh and it's all about practical wisdom from the bobbitt rabbit about living with a positivity bias Obama trauma and and I can't summarize an entire book right now in a few minutes but the lab amateur had been lived that way everything for him was interpreted in a positive sense he didn't see what was missing he saw what was there he didn't see the crisis he saw the opportunity he didn't see the pain he's sort of a potential for joy so you know you might think well about matura but he had an easy life so it's easy to have a positivity bias it's easy to live with a calm and a confidence it's easy to see the world as operating in harmony it's easy to focus on what we're meant to do and how we're meant to contribute and repair the world rather than what the world owes us and what it's denying us is depriving us up because I'm sure for the rabbit was smooth sailing and everything came easy not exactly let me just read to you he writes it's important to note that the redemptive perspectives presented in this book are not those of a man who lived a life of peace and privilege there are the insights of a man the Reba who lived through waves of pogroms the killing fields of world war 1 a typhus epidemic a refugee crisis the persecution and forced exile of his father whom he never saw again the Bolshevik Revolution the rise of communism world war two the brutal murder of his brother grandmother and of the relatives at the hands of the Nazis and a life of childlessness the lubavitcher rebbe and his Revathy never had a child they lived a life of childlessness this is not a man who it's smooth sailing everything came easy so he had a positivity bias did you listen to the list and what I just read is anyone who's listening right now can they honestly say that they too have gone through a life of each one of those challenges world war one world war two pogroms typhus Bolshevik Revolution and a life of childlessness and despite all of that and even maybe with all of that the ribbon shows he made the choice he was the pilot another passenger of his life and he made the choice to have a positivity bias and how did he make that choice where did he draw that strength to live life and look at it in that way because he had real beat uh-huh because he had to come and the serenity and the confidence that comes that knows that nothing that's happening none of those episodes not even the childlessness which were undoubtedly unbearably painful from he and his wife was all by design does that mean they didn't try to have children does that mean that they didn't do everything they could to have children of course they did but nevertheless when they couldn't when they didn't they didn't live a life of pain and protest in the end they ultimately lived a life that this was Hashem's will and therefore they were able to have a sense of of calm okay let's continue niku does neither no cefazolin meows kena bitsy supremist Kinesis autumn and maracas kala shall haya be Tejon she Lolita hey Madea Sheldon - be talkin well gam Sony an awesome this is so important in the period we find ourselves we're still in sphere so homer and why did her Becky will lose twenty four thousand students Sheila no go come with Zabuza people mistreat one another gossip slander hey Piper criticism judgment dismissiveness marginalization we know that these are the characters equalities they're the reason we still don't have a base on Macduff did the reason for a plague so many years ago there a reason for a plague right now it's so painful to see I was on hours and hours of of zoom meetings yesterday you know when we were in the height of this when things were terrible it was easy to have a unity among the leadership because there was one message hide under your bed nobody go out practice the safest and most extreme and draconian dis and saying and that was the unified message and we proudly all spoke with one voice and it was easy but now that in some places and communities returning a corner and now there's some debate if when how at what speed and what increments you should open it's very potentially divisive and we're running the risk of of the very same qualities that bring every plague upon us of revisiting those same things against Innes keenum of a baseless hatred and criticism and judgment we have to be very careful to try to speak with unity even if we're not entirely uniform in how we're doing this so he writes or Schwartz so beautifully he says if you're really living this life if you're really living this life of Bataan that means that you look at your life and you say I have no obstacles I'm not opposing anything I'm not battling from when I wake up in the morning I simply have my list of things I have to do but in the end I accept that the world operates with the harmony and the harmony of the universe is determined from above from I am a person who lives that way who achieves that lifestyle who wears those glasses or as we've spoken previously who has that LASIK surgery a person like that low Teta pain it's impossible to conceive but see it's a reality show Adam hi hi I'd be tough on a person who loses be tough on boug am Sonia mushy man he can hate other people if you truly I'll be tackling you know what the measure of metric of me taco we saw one one came from Robina bahia and it's called some of us that one measure of Bataan is are you calm if you're chaotic if you are anxious then you don't really have be tough that's the gut check on Bataan but another gut check another measure a metric on Bataan is do you have enemies are there people you hate are you filled with hatred of others because it's impossible it's impossible to live be tough on and to have Hey yeesh we shoot in the cafes Berkeley Tony now you can understand this superficially and externally what does that mean that you can't have beat up on and hate shaquiesha Kevin Sharon ban hick dear ki-moon Oh Carlito Kanu APOEL la Haine before Pam Shimizu Paul can I get a villa and it's our climate resent my given a second powerful so the simple way of understanding this is I won't ever hate anyone why because when the doctor none of you even asked how my root canal one I'm just joking you all asked me and I appreciate that and went smoothly remember last Wednesday I spoke about how frustrating it was I went to the appointment and I paid money and there was a miscommunication I thought I was having the root canal that day and it turned out it was just a consult I didn't even need and and how frustrating that was so I ended up having the root canal last week and I went beautifully perfectly fantastic doctor didn't feel a thing literally from beginning to end and bleeeh and Jara have healed wonderfully so I might have said look I'm furious at the at the scheduler of this of this doctor furious at the doctor himself from furious at the nurse the secretary I'm furious at someone in my office how can this miscommunication or mishap have happened it wasted my time and it wasted my nervousness and energy how could it have happened but says the Romano person has to say I have a moon am beautiful so therefore it wasn't meant to be to have the root canal that day it was meant to be to be a different day I don't know why maybe the dentist think a good night's sleep the night before that day and he would have slipped and hurt me maybe I would have ruined my Shabbos maybe who knows what who knows what and we'll never know what maybe never know what but Emunah means i don't ever get angry at anybody why because I have to believe and I have to know that oh so ff-shop Huckabee who actually kosher LaBarbera olam lefur owe me many Wesco v because that secretary that nursed a doctor they didn't harm me they were simply the agent of the almighty who needed me to be rescheduled so how can i lash out how can I be angry certainly how would I ever god forbid seek to take revenge against anyone even those who seemingly harm me hurt me or wronged me are just agents from above they're not the ones who've done it and though though we hold them accountable somebody smashes into your car it owes you money you could take them to court you can collect your money you can't hate them can't even dislike them and you certainly can't take revenge against them because it's all from Hashem ain't roller coaster listen was oh so Cloney how could you get angry and how can you hate somebody who's simply an agent from above - um however he says vada Hogg doraswamy teas in the hona that's true that that is a proper definition live your life and even when others seem to harm you or hurt you recognize and realize that they're simply agents of above it's not you ah underneath a faceless tear a baby chuckle I said it's Bernardo McEwan shawnette but says there Schwartz Schwartz I want to address the notion that there's a contradiction and inherent contradiction between hatred hating others and living with me tough anima Shama that's different from what we just described so it's not just about I deny God's role in my life if I I deny God's role in my life if I if I hate someone and and I fail to recognize they're just an agent from above it's much deeper than that and what does he mean so stick with me come or be tough one in Jana Lockley is crying shame by him is like Dios as we've been saying living a life of be taco means a life where there's no opposition a life when I'm not battling I'm calm I'm peaceful I'm serene there's harmony by the way there are people who do this in sloan-kettering Hospital there are people who are doing this in covert wards there are people who are doing this on unemployment lines there are people who are calm there are those who are frazzled and anxious and worried and fearful and angry and there are those who are able to live with this beat up on even as they're going through hard times - nevertheless say that it's from above I'm gonna do all that I can it's not a contradiction to take initiative and to trust and to have calmness at the same time so it's much deeper Ashok English Ackley has gumbo terrific I'm Sony Binet Adam Daschle defeat Sonja's meeting Liz Borgia and Kesha baby Tahoma citizen awesome shall I be talking to be a hobby not DeMarco Murray Lucinda hiyaa has been other life aveiro at first blush I might have said what does one thing have to do with the other be tough on is about me and God leave the people who hurt me out of it if I compete ruthlessly or if I take revenge or if I hate that person I can't stand them I don't want to be around them I try to isolate marginalize them God what is that to do with my relationship with you when it comes to you oh I love you and I trust you and I say mid-session des recession cos - and borrow fashion I dive in a nice Shuckle and I got my relationship with you is flourishing its thriving it's beautiful what is my hatred and animosity towards another person what is my inability to get along with a family member or friend or coworker what does that have to do with you god at first I might have said that two separate spheres the two separate arenas de la mouche nice Oogie official name Shan the casual Adama husband am there's no connection between the two God stay in your lane stay in your domain in my relationship with you I'm golden I'm good I'm well-behaved my relationship with people is another side altogether stay away is nothing to do with it FK sure Medina Mamaji symbol Mecca sama who septimius shall hobby talk on however says bro shorts when a person understands the depth a person understands the profundity of beat up on that it's an inner world the tough one is not a choice of a moment be talking is not just a muscle you workout baton is a lifestyle it's it's the glasses were wearing it's the LASIK surgery we undergo it's that I live my life there's no opposition I don't confront anything other people nature schedules I don't it's all harmony it's all the way it's meant to be I do what I have to do I do it I'm meant to do and then it's all harmony a person who lives that way person who lives that that lifestyle as I cry move on shame Adam so name is Xu Zhu Horeb Russia England be tough on ms the mutual of economy t lo t terrain his nog despot Sulu Lucius cinnamon ocean so the real definition of be talk on is the I know there's nothing that opposes me there are things I meant to try to overcome and if I can't then they're meant to be there they're not opposing me they're actually my friend so then how could you ever hate anybody you would never be filled with hate you'd never seek revenge you might withdraw if people are are mean if people are cruel they're unkind if someone's hurt you you might withdraw from them you're not obligated to have a close relationship with them but even then you'd never hate them you'd say for whatever reason they were meant to be in my life I was meant to encounter them and I don't have to battle with them and they're not an opponent to me it's simply part of the life I meant to live because the world operates with harmony the universe is by design it's Davina materialist secret Louis Ito has been Amitha torah tells us the precious kid ocean OC camel Osito you're not allowed to take revenge and furthermore via half dollar em Oh ha not only may you not take revenge but via half dollar Erica mocha you have to love your neighbor as yourself and how does that pass again that string of sukham don't take revenge don't exact retribution in fact love your neighbor be filled with love love and peace love your neighbor as yourself why tussock ends somewhere cryptically Annie hm I am a sham I am the Lord your God what does one thing have to do with the other these people is my relationship with Hashem what are the two domains have to do with one another a marker ha I mock me many Nevaeh came into the author Africa mocha from Asuma PASOK me see a map a sock and ehm the depth of understanding from where do I draw the strength to only love my fellow Jew how could I love everybody how do I love everybody only see the good and everyone only see the good and everything how do you lived on life this year is dedicated to Brian gal but everything is amazing Brian there's nobody he disliked forget that no one disliked him that's easy to understand but there's no one he disliked now were there people who had different lifestyles and values even people who hurt him yes it was a choice he made because he looked at the world as operating in harmony as being the will of Hashem he saw the good in others and therefore there was nobody he disliked ani hashem because when you realize that everything is from hashem there's a harmony to the universe then v I have to live a Africa moja you can't hate anybody so where do you draw the strength from where do you draw the confidence in the calm from where do you draw the resolve and the tenacity and the perseverance and the resilience to never hate to never want to take revenge to look at this world and say that's the way that was meant to be you know you drill it from the end of the plastic on me Hashem because when you look at this world you say you know what I'm not in charge and I'm not in control and I can't micromanage and I can't manipulate but it's really all up to him Anja Shem this is his world I'm a guest on the guest in his world then again I may make the person who hurt me pay not pay like revenge but pay as in compensate so a person damaged my car if a person hurt me in business cheated or lied I'm allowed to go collect what I'm right rightfully do I'm allowed to go collected but I'll never hate I'll never lower myself or contaminator remise my save myself by being filled with with hey it's a contradiction it's a contradiction to have beat up on to be able to hate others Haney Matt Varma shall be honest with you sabe there are similar zillah's Naveen medaka may also maken beneficiary material acaba who met visvakarma prema trees bark Schmoe also oh so the ass of the column Assam right one of the one of the roms principles of faith is that Hashem did does and will do that I Shem is the source of everything the enmity shoppable umeko for shall go Reem Acra Malvado there is no existence there's a an illusion of this world but everything really is an extension of him the a mission is not Adobe Spartak if you lived your life as we spoke about many many times a couple years ago we spent many sessions on a note Malvado I have a beautiful artwork hanging in my house that says a note Malvado and we have a beautiful little sign that sits on our on our table when at our meals a node Malvado there is nothing but him it's all a sham we have to remind this a node Mamata those three words it should be on our computer screen and our bathroom mirror and our kitchen refrigerator and it should be everywhere a node Malvado there is nothing there's a harmony to the universe Hashem is choreographing and curating at all and therefore I have what I'm meant to do and I have the life I meant to live and the initiative I'm meant to take and I have to battle externally in the ways I meant to externally battle for wellness and health and well-being and in pernessa but yet when it's all said and done internally I can feel a sense of calm and confidence of harmony and of peace I sure I can calm the condition in festive but it's onizuka snagged us anything that looks outside like it's opposing me autumn should see if it's national Bernie's marshmallow loto face Osaka Snyder's so like if a luck may have on us so it can milliwatts leela we absorb it we integrated we accepted as being coming from a shem Kodama Shabak a vehicle is negative on it pass key snagged us I was a Nick Robin Africa's inertial Odom externally we see it as an opposing force that red light that delayed flight that that customer who's giving me a hard time that supposed friend in the community who spoke negatively about me externally it feels like battling but internally I pause internally I reflect internally I think and I have the capacity to accept that it's all from above kosha other Niska miscarriage masala my Drago's other Mauritian cuz I'm afraid we have to learn Africa mocha nassima mela my hooked evo we have the ability to climb out of that dark place of that pit to be able to not live life where we are opposing forces and I'll give you a very real example of this I'm sure I've shared it with you before somebody yes what about a Malik are we allowed to hate sure Toto tells a certain specific evil you're allowed to hate but not hate the emotion I hate the action it means to pursue social justice means to oppose those who seek to to our ends the whole heroic IDF the Israeli army that protects the Jewish people in Israel and around the world where a lot of hate Hamas and Hezbollah were allowed to hate those who seek our demise but not a 8 which is debilitating the hate witches which is productive and which is facilitating so there are circumstances it's not that we say well Hashem wants there to be hezbollah and hamas in the world so I love Hezbollah and I love from us no part of my shamans plan is that externally we recognize that there are those forces that were meant to confront but even so internally yes Hashem orchestrated a world and a history for the Jewish people which has been riddled by adversaries and enemies and that is his design and there's a harmony to his universe and we have to accept it even what we don't understand it so I'll give you a real example as I said I probably given you before but many many years ago somebody decided that they were going to send a letter out to the community about me it wasn't really about me it was about my salary there was a financial recession and they suggested that maybe I and the other rabbis need to take a pay cut they signed it anonymously boldly and courageously they did not sign their name and they sent it around they put it in mailboxes around the entire community and there was a painful few days and a painful experience for me I was a young rabbi at the time and I took it understandably very personally and it was very painful it just happened to be as if anything ever just happens to be of course it was from Hashem but right around then I was learning to say for Affinia and I was learning these mitzvot slow seeking mercy toward the prohibition of being able to take revenge and the safer I could not from this prohibition why does the Torah forbid us from taking a revenge maybe we should be allowed to we should be gabor I should strong and heroic nobody messes with me I don't I don't get angry I get even who said that Clint Eastwood maybe we should show the world who's boss why does the terror go out of its way to say those secret mesito you can't take revenge why can't I sometimes revenge seems like it's it's right or justice so safe or enough gives exactly this reason the SafeConnect says you know you need to differentiate between what you experienced and where it came from you see if someone hurt you were injured you and you have the ability to hold them accountable you should as I said someone cheated you in business you're allowed to take them to court somebody damaged your property you're allowed to hold them accountable to compensate that's externally the external action you're allowed to and meant to take but internally your feeling towards them and towards what happened you need to pause and sit back and say to yourself rise to save wrath enough if Hashem didn't want my car to be damaged if you don't want me to suffer this financial loss or have to go through the effort to recover and be compensated it couldn't have and it wouldn't have happened nothing can happen without the consent or the will of Hashem and so if you take revenge and you exclusively hold the other accountable for what happened to you you have erased God from the equation you've knocked them out of the entire picture you simply are acting as if human beings alone have the ability to determine everything that happens so the say fraxinus says taking revenge is in fact an act of heresy you've erased God from your life instead the proper response is to say I'm gonna hold the person accountable I'm gonna collect or be compensated for the damage they've done but I'm not gonna lose my cool I'm not gonna get angry I'm not gonna be filled with hate and I'm never gonna seek revenge instead what I'm gonna do is say Hashem what am I meant to learn from this and I learned that I learned that say for a kind of exactly when this happened that I'm not telling you that I'm perfect or we're dealt with it perfectly but I'm giving an example because it gave me tremendous strength and I hope it gives you strength if you've ever felt hurt by somebody and instead I said to myself what am I meant to learn by the experience of feeling that this went around the community now did I try to figure out who it was and would there have been consequences if I found out yes but I didn't try to take revenge and I tried to instead of remain focused on them instead to focus and me why did Hashem allow enable consent why dash M orchestrate this to happen what was I meant to experience Hashem wanted all those letters to get lost in the mail that would have been lost in the mail if he wanted that person's printer to run out of ink it would have run out of ink if he wanted that person to have a fleeting thought to do it and nevertheless give up on it the person would have given up on it if they could do it it's only because it was part of our master plan and that's something for me to learn from so that's the message of our of Schwartz for today is that a person who live really lives with a life of be tough on the way we've defined it that the world is harmony that may be externally I have to battle may be externally I have to overcome and confront opposing forces it snagged us but internally everything is the way it's meant to be internally there's calm and confidence internally there's harmony to the universe that if a person leaves such a way they'll never hate another because yeah you'll do what you have to do take someone to court if you have to make them compensate if you have to but internally you'll never hate you'll be incapable of hate like our dealer role model Brian you'll simply say everything is amazing and everyone is amazing and you'll choose to see the good in them so we have this capacity it's inside us we'll just end with one more sentence for today he describes very beautifully how tota magdhira sits here Ayesha Sol either connect though when the Turner talks about marriage the Torah says a person should look for an AZ connect though when God divided Adam listen androgynous figure into two split into two men and woman God said why did I do that because man needs an either connect though the word either means a helpmate connect domains opposite so which is it isn't that an intrinsic contradiction are you a helpmate or you stand the opposite a tepee sockets onus never eros czaka a zealous avec Anatole he loved him so frazzle Aramis understood it to mean if you merit and you have a beautiful harmonious wonderful marriage and right now for the last two months everybody's finding out exactly what kind of marriage they have when they could run away from the house when they could be distracted with their hobbies when they can go and hide behind going to work when they were able to live two parallel lives everything seemed well and good but now that we've been put in this intense incubator living under this pressure cooker everyone's learning about their marriage so Zaha if you married then it's a sir help me what a beautiful harmonious loving marriage laws AHA connect doe but if you don't merit if you didn't achieve that kind of marriage then all it feels is like an egg though the nagging and the fighting and the opposition and the friction and it never ends Lumas oh stop it's visa taneema shibir no butter Schwartz has an alternative suggestion interpretation he says ASIC connect them is perish she has nog does he feel like maja Azer clay like meat Sunnah say Dada Verma answer me t Rosso such a beautiful interpretation he says what it really means is when God says I'm gonna make you a nazar connect though it means that the connect doe is part of the Azer you know when you have a yes person if you're married to somebody who simply thinks you're the cat's meow you're perfect you could do no wrong who laughs at every joke and who supports and everything you do that's not really a good a good partner in life that's not really a great spouse because really they need to tell you know you've pushed the boundary too far you've crossed the line you're not being your best self you really need to work on that the true azer has a willingness sometimes to go connect oh and that's not only true for marriage that a true partner in marriage knows how to the right way you got to read dr. Gottman's books you have to know how to communicate it the right way the effective way but knows how to not only be a nazar a good marriage a healthy marriage has to include the ability to be connect though to say I love you and you're amazing you know how great I think you are but I think you made the wrong choice or do you think you said the wrong thing I think you're pushing the boundary too far where I humbly disagree with you I I would ask you to reconsider your opinion or position on that thing when you have someone who's connect oh that is an expression of their ability to be a nazar sometimes when we confront something that seems like it's blocking us or opposing us it in fact is helping us it's redirecting us and if we didn't have it to help us and it simply acted as if it was enabling us it would actually lead us to a very bad place to a bad place we had commercial backlash from Darla Miss Nigeria lie with Prada Ishihara Vonda should remain low income initially look heifers man either the beans mannequin egg though there is no difference between the time that they are a nazar and the time they're a connect dough while they're in asia they're working for me in my best interest and when they stand sometimes connect dough up opposite me opposing me they're also connect though in other words i live my whole life for the confidence and a calm that our interactions are always easier they're always there to help me sometimes they'll help me explicitly and sometimes they'll help me implicitly by opposing me but it has to be the attitude of marriage and has to be the attitude in life that to live life and see the good choose to see the good choose to see the good as i began with my bubby Yenta rakesh mom my amazing grandmother Tamara Akito Hashem she said taste this world and you'll see Quito fashion Hashem is good see the good and feel the good and love the good and taste the good choose to see and feel a Shem in your life and you will see good today and every day so thank you for joining us if you're watching on YouTube please subscribe to our channel even if you're not please subscribe tonight's behind the Bema special edition not only do we have the great comedian modi we're going behind the Bema with modi 9 p.m. on Facebook or on zoom' but big surprise announcement tonight big big announcement you're not going to want to miss 9 p.m. tonight hope you join us wishing everyone a happy healthy in a very holy day