#8: Iggeres HaRamban (10 Minutes of Meaning) - Patience and Sufferance

good morning meing as we make our way through gas ran the ramban's letter to his son but really the ramban's letter to each and every one of us how to live our best selves become our best selves live our best lives want to thank our siries sponsor in honor of the parents and children today's 10 minutes of meeting is sponsored by my dear friend and colleague me and Jeffrey G grab in memory of his grandmother and his great grandmother bov theas should have an alah the ran is trying to help us become our best selves we can't be our best selves when we indulge the worst character trait there is ran has told us the worst character trait there is is the character trait the maida of indulging anger giving into rage is madness in fact it's literally Madness the word rage comes from the Latin rabies rabies means Madness to indulge anger is to act like one is mad one is mentally ill one is sick one is deranged that's why it's self-destructive people end up harming their own interest they end up self-sabotaging we spoke the inside of the STI Bas perat the Mak why did they keep hitting the frogs that they multiplied it's illogical it's irrational it's self-destructive because when a person indulges anger when they indulge the animal part of their brain rather than the human rational Godlike part of their brain then they act they indulge the worst the lowest emotion and they act in a self-destructive way and ran gave us the formula the way to be spared anger is not to talk about anger and is not to work on anger a person conditions and habituates themselves to always speak gently and kindly and softly to everyone if that's simply how you condition yourself if your your pattern your practice you always speak calmly gently sweetly no matter what happens no matter what happens no matter how a person frustrates you or aggravates you or angers you no matter the feeling of resentment or frustration you always speak gently and kindly you can't be angry if you never scream but you'll be able to regulate your own feeling regulate your own behavior because a person says the raan who indulges the mid of theid of anger don't focus on anger the way to work on anger anger management is not to manage anger it's to manage calmness to manage to every everyone always everywhere all times we means it makes you miss opportunities it makes you it makes you hurt and harm relationships with all with and with yourself this is what our Rabbi said that a person who indulges anger all parts of living a life of hell what does that mean schulten what pres what tense is schulten we pointed out of Dan mas and his commentary points out SCH doesn't mean will it doesn't say if you indulge anger then you will put yourself in a self-imposed state of geham sh means Lov in the present in the present a person who indulges Rage or anger a person who flies off the handle a person who's yelling or Screaming is literally putting themselves in ganam everyone's looking at them everybody's watching them nobody wants to be near them or close to them or associated with them no one wants to admit they're related to them nobody wants to spend time with them a person who indulges anger putss in G putss in G they sabotage business opportunities they sabotage relationships they sabotage family everyone just wants to withdraw and go further away from them soov in the present in the present tense then he quotes a from that remove Anger from your heart and eliminate ra evil negativity from your flesh ra and we don't want to put ourselves in a position of of G so how do you avoid anger writes the ran by habituating conditioning yourself regulating yourself no matter what no matter where no matter when to always speak calmly if you're always calm and you're always happy and you're always even killed and you're always at peace then you'll never get angry don't focus on anger focus on self-regulation and that way anger can never rise and you'll never find yourself in a self-imposed OS present tense place of place of gam place of gam we just uh reading our para how MOS was attacked but recently when mosh was spoken of negatively Hashem himself endorses Moshe and tells MOS tells us the world and through the Torah that M MOS is the most humble the most humble of anyone how does achieve humility because that after all is the next step the ran continues in the letter to his son and to us if you condition and habituate yourself to always be calm always be at peace always be even killed always speak softly and sweetly everyone always then you'll be spared anger and what will happen What will replace the anger in your heart if there's no room for anger in your heart if anger never rises in your heart what will be there instead mid then instead of anger there will be humility who is the most humble of all men of all time Moshe and what did it mean writes he was humble modest saw himself not high or Superior or inflated this saan what does the word savlan mean tolerant patience in Israel I just got back it's spoken about a lot there I'm not sure how how much we're all working on practicing it we're all working on practicing SAU patience patience but the word what does it mean patient Revol has a brilliant Insight we askem the Torah testifies when we were suffering in Egypt Hashem came to rescue us from underneath the patience of Egypt no what does c mean in that context the suffering the burden so what is patience the capacity to suffer the more roate translation of saan is sufferance sufferance means the capacity to endure suffering when you're on hold the operator where are they why is this taking forever they told me they'll be right back when you're online at whatever checkout or the airport or the amusement park the capacity to endure to suffer the resilience to absorb the sufferance of when things don't go your way that's humility humility Rashi says SA shafel sa MOS was a saan sufferance that person's yelling at me that person's reacting inappropriate to me that person is falsely criticizing me that this line This condition this environment this treatment it's all unfair it's all causing suffering it's all challenging and difficult the unov the the humble person is a saan they have the capacity to be soil saut patience is the Capac capacity to be soil to absorb and to endure the sufferance the challenge whatever there is so one can react in one of two ways right the customer representative is taking wherever to get back to you and then it give you the answer that you think you deserve it's not righteous it's not fair Justice is not being served in the situation my boss my coworker my spouse my child The World At Large nature Hashem it's all so unfair you could react by flying off the handle indulge anger act with rage rabies Madness in which case you just harm yourself or you could practice mid you could be so Veil I could absorb it I got it I could absorb it I can endure it I can suffer through it I could be so and practice saus and have be therefore a a unov so when we eliminate anger the heart can't have both anger and humility you can't have both there you can't have there's no space for anger and humility the heart has either or person who's flying off the handle who indulges anger and rage it's all because of arrogance why is anger the result of arrogance anger is the result of arrogance because why does one get angry because their ego's been injured what do you mean you didn't do what I told you to do what do you mean you're not behaving the way that I want you to behave what do you mean this isn't unfolding on my schedule according to my anticipation and prediction according to what I want it's all me me I ego and when a person ego is injured is bruised then they get angry but if a person lives with anos anos a person is humble and un of like Moshe they're able to be soil everything so it's not about me that wasn't the plan that's not the way this was meant to go that's not how this was supposed to go down and who says I have a right who says I'm entitled who says it's my who says I'm in charge who says I'm in control I'm an un of I'm modest I'm humble I'm simple I'm Shu now I can be suril whatever comes my way so it says the ran the first thing you got to get rid of is anger anger is a pure emotion with no rationality it is Extreme in the negative the r the ran both right even though one should have the right measure of every quality and character trait there should be no measure of anger and no measure of arrogance and really it's a z really they're one and the same the angry person is arrogant and when one eliminates anger how do you eliminate anger not by thinking about her focusing anger but instead replacing it with to always speak calmly and peacefully and harmoniously and sweetly and gently and then when you don't when you condition yourself ttin when you condition yourself to always speak gently which means you never get angry now the heart is soft and they open and there's space to be humble there's space to be humble now in contrast to anger if anger is the worst the most negative the most self-destructive character trait then which is the greatest and the best Ana humility is the best I'll end by telling you I just got back from Israel two days ago went through custom as we always do and every time I do I think about this story in 1882 28y old Oscar wild at the time was on a year-long lecture tour of America and during the trip he traveled more than 70 cities and in January he arrived in New York Harbor at the port and he was greeted by us C official who asked him as I was just asked the other day and all of us are when we travel internationally do you have anything to declare and Oscar wild replied I have nothing to declare but my genius I have not I haven't tried it I don't think it would go over well I have nothing to declare you don't want to mess with those guys it's always like six in the morning they're not happy to be there you're not happy to be there you just want to get out on the other side I have nothing to declare when a person has nothing to declare but their genius then they are vulnerable to anger and to destroying their lives when you follow the footsteps of mosu humility can enhance relationships and Rich relationships and live our best selves have a good day here yes