#60: Behind the Bima - Father and Son: Rabbi Manis & Benny Friedman

from Boa Raton Florida rabbis efim Goldberg Philip moscowitz and Josh Brody are taking you behind the beima the BRS rabbis schmoo about contemporary issues and talk to special guests who give a behindth scenes look at how they got to where they are and what keeps them going welcome to behind the Bea for the very last time this season I am Rabbi Eon Goldberg joined by my dear friends Rabbi Philip MTZ and Rabbi Josh Brody and we are here to take you behind the beer we are here to take you behind the Bea let's begin by thanking as we always do because gratitude is the most important thing you always got to begin with an attitude of gratitude and we thank our sponsor for behind the Bea tonight the final episode of this season don't worry we're not going anywhere we're taking a break we're going to come back stronger bigger and better but tonight's episode is sponsored generously anonymously in honor of Hashem in honor of God and all the kindness he's bestowed upon the sponsor's family specifically on the second birthday of Karen Elora and her continued Health a very happy birthday to Karen Elora she should give a lot of Nas to her wonderful wonderful parents and family we thank those sponsors and we too are very grateful to Hashem for all the kindness he bestows upon all of us so welcome back it's our final episode of the Season we're excited to be wrapping up season 2 not exactly clear how we delineate what a season is what a season not all we know is we need a break so we're taking a break for the summer and we've got some questions how we're coming back we'll get to that in one moment first Rabbi Brody after last week's episode is your mom talking to you yet listen I was very clear that on the phone right now this is what we do we have six people they're the top six people that can break through at any moment with an emergency phone call I listed them I'm not going through it again all of a sudden I saw my mom she came over on shop she said she's angry at me because she's not in the she's not in the top six so then Simone was in the kitchen she said well if you can add your mom to the number seven then you got to add my mom hey next thing you know I'm gonna be adding Rabbi mts's mom I gotta I'm gonna have to add Rabbi Goldberg's Mom it's gonna it's get overwhelming and then then I'm back to where I was with everyone calling the whole purpose is so you made the cut off your mom that's that's the line that's where you drew the line your mom no I'll tell you what it is it's professional relationships that's what it is uhuh interesting actually I mean it's also you know a few while you're while you're ahead buddy okay so last week we talked about vacation mode and turning notifications off going offline I have a big big pledge to make I am going on vacation later this week and I want to make a pledge right here right now that I hope I will not be swallowing these words and that is I'm turning the notifications on my phone off while on vacation got my autor response email really want to try to disconnect I want to ReDiscover who who I am my relationship with Hashem with my family with myself spend some time reading learning exercising relaxing just thinking just being so I will be turning notifications off and I will check things when I want not when the phone determines I should so Rabbi Brody at least for the time off I'm going to be joining you turning those notifications off and really really trying to disconnect I had a conversation with the rabbitson on shabas and I told her you should totally get rid of the phone for one week I will take the phone she can be forwarded all any emergencies will come right to her so you'll yeah you broke you broke the man code by the way for the record what did I do you violated every guy rule there is you can't talk to the other person's wife and and like gang up with them against friend who's the husband totally can't do that I I'm doing it for your sake how's that it's like an intervention intervention is an intervention trying I said to her you know what you can do you take the you take a sledgehammer and you just break the phone I know he has all of his he has all of his contacts saved somewhere else so he'll get a new phone in a week and it's fine it's worth the $500 for have some peace and quiet well notifications are going off which means Rabbi mt's notifications are going to be blowing up can't wait you deserve it you've worked hard the last two years without a break last summer you very much deserve it it is my pleasure and honor to fill in while you were gone I appreciate it and behind the beam is going to be taking a break and we have a question for you our loyal audience you could put it in the comment now or you could email get in touch with any of us but we'd love to hear your feedback um we have this question how important is it to stream behind the beam a live or to record and then drop an episode once a week and the reason we have that question is when we first began Corona and uh we didn't get a chance to see we missed you you missed us we of course taught classes over Zoom we taught classes on YouTube but just the opportunity to shmoo to talk to think to explain what's going on behind the scenes that's what behind the Bea began that's how it launched that's what it presented and people people really almost religiously set aside Wednesday nights 9:00 people sent us pictures how they would put it on their TV the whole family would watch they would uh put out dinner snacks maybe pour a glass of wine or a beer or just a regular soft drink and people took in behind the beam every Wednesday night 9:00 but now the world's opened up the world has reopened and uh people have conflicts a lot going on it's not as important to watch something live you don't have to have it on your coun you don't have it to have to look forward to so is it important to continue to stream live that live element or could we record and then drop the episode let's say Wednesday mornings every week and you'd wake up to be able to listen to it on the podcast or watch it on YouTube put that dropped episode same great guest great interviews great conversation great banter great sponsorships so let us know what you think streaming it live or dropping it and do we continue the multiple screen ask yeah that's the other question do we go multiple screen or do the three of us sit together in one room around one table do we begin to record live record in person and the energy with one another and the guests will have to bring in over the gift of technology so let us know what what do both of you think well first of all I'm very excited we're gonna have a brand new intro that's been in the works for months right now and it's gonna blow everyone away with what we're about to launch for the next season very excited another words Rob bro don't forget to work on the intro what we've been talking about doing live and in person is going to make it very hard because I don't know if the last few weeks we could play a little game of where in the world is Rabbi Josh Brody different background each week different locations right Brody you look like you're in an undisclosed location right now I am undisclosed in another time zone in the Holy Land the holy land of Israel back back unreal you have been to Israel more during lockdown than most people go in a decade and actually I have breaking news on that because every time you come back you have to get more Corona tests you have to get PCR test before you leave you have to get another one when you when you uh when you land but what about theological theological test could cost you anywhere from $100 to $300 you have to get one every time you come back the serological Test shows the government that you actually got vaccinated they don't trust the the the cards that you carry in America you have to bring to the Consul in order to get permission to come right but they all got tested tonight $150 each I said I got the test last month I I can I have the paperwork they didn't want they didn't believe it they don't believe the paperwork so I said why don't we call up the Ministry of Health there's a phone number here we called up they still didn't want to believe it even when someone on the phone said you don't need it we spoke to the director of the whole country of the health department once you get one test you do not need another one ever for six mon good to know good to know serological test well one of our previous guests you know one of the things we're goingon to be doing while we take a break this summer for a few weeks we're going to be dropping best of episodes taking you know the best conversations from we've had more than 50 guests some some of the most amazing men and women um Jews non-jews uh rabbis teach ERS and owners of sports teams um judges we've had two judges we've had people excelling in every industry we're going to be dropping episodes that are the best of who do you want to hear who was your favorite which was your favorite episode but I'll tell you one of my favorite episodes was this an apolitical show we don't endorse candidates but I'll go out on a limb when it comes to a childhood freden saying we cannot wait for the day that we welcome prime minister Bennett to visit baton synagogue to bring our delegation to Israel visit you as prime minister thank you for your courage Your heroism your leadership your vision your sacrifice so uh those who are listening whoops those who are listening and not watching that was the episode we had with Minister Benn that I hope his Wi-Fi gets a little bit better now that he is prime minister maybe Ben chapiro can go and havies and get better wi-fi for their next appearance on behind the beima but at the time if you remember he was very very low in the polls at the time it was even a question whether he'd be in the running for any significant post right he laughed at us when we said that he laughed he laughed when we yeah when we said it he left so um you know excited I know there's a lot of controversy around his election a lot of questions about what it means in the Coalition but we're in a political show we're just excited someone we've know for a long time who's been a guest on behind the beima he's now the prime minister of Israel first prime minister wearing aipa wearing a yamaka it's KES hasem element in that the day of uh his swearing in that picture of him and Talis and tan made the rounds which I think was really pretty cool so uh it's exciting stuff definitely definitely exciting stff Min on behind the Bea yeah first prime minister on behind the Bea and uh whoops we'll take that off but again if you're watching you can't see this if you're listening but here's a little picture that goes back to the Goldbergs and Bennetts were good friends when when he was a younger man naali Bennett and his family came onut and they were living in Teck across the street from us on Sussex road we talked about it on that episode with him and here's a picture that made the rounds in my family WhatsApp Group after he became prime minister so you know for those who are watching they might not appreciate but just over from Nal Bennett who is circled is a very very stunningly handsome young man yes with very large glasses that's true sporting a Puerto Rico shirt his name is true that is true let's get this down before anybody sees it but you know there's my mom is the blonde and in front of her is my brother Judah next to Judah is my sister danela next to danela is Nell's mother Mna Bennett my mom's still very good friends with her and n tell's two brothers are there so definitely go back a long time and it's a it's exciting stuff prime minister it's they I'm not going to look I don't know if it's true or not but people are saying that it was the behind the beam appearance that turned things around put over the top put it over the top true or not true I'm not sure we have a great privilege to be able to welcome on I guest this uh today this evening um two superstars in very very different Industries very different Arenas so uh we don't want to take any more time but without any further ado we're going to welcome them on we have the great privilege and the great pleasure of welcoming one of the most famous one of the most influential uh good friends of the bokeron synagogue Community father son combination and that is harmanus fredman schita Benny fredman you have in different ways but complimentary ways bought so many Smiles enriched people's lives inspired up taught uplifted elevated uh for what you've done for me for us for our community for CLA and for the world we thank you and we thank you for being with us and in anticipation of celebrating uh Father's Day a father son coma we wish you a happy Father's day and thank you for being with us you forgot to mention I also put people to sleep anesthesiologist yes I would not say that bus together exactly exactly exactly so it it must be um a great source of Nas and pride in in both directions if we could even suggest such a thing obviously Benny to have grown up with uh with her Freedman as as your father prolific speaker author he transformed so many lives um taught people enriched marriage parenting spirituality belief life itself what kind of pressure did that put on you and did you did you ever feel that your SCH was going to be not with your voice with music but maybe you needed to follow in those footsteps of speaking of writing and of teaching um sh how are you it's a it's a great honor andan a great privilege and everywhere I go I hear regards especially from the uh online shim um and it was I don't think it's was ever a pressure to go into it because you have to be also smart it's a it's a it's a number one requirement is also to have what to say not just to say so that's why for me it was never a that that was never your direction your SCH when did you discover this this gift of this voice obviously it's in the family obviously you knew the talent in your in your your uncle but extended family as well when did you know you had this this great gift and needed to be brought to the world interesting I always love singing and I always knew that I was going to try it um and I always knew that there was definitely a chance of not being successful um but uh I'm still I'm still just uh you know trying it out to see if it works and hopefully it will continue to work and hopefully will continue to do it but it wasn't Le it wasn't like a decision today I say I'm going to this it was something that just happened kind of naturally and so far it seems to be working it is amazing it's such a joyful life and and it's it's changed so many people we love listening to your music so so thank you R fredman were you involved in writing any of Benny's songs were you helpful with any of the which PUK and which lyrics which uh Focus they should be very very little and I want to tell you I'm very proud of the fact that I never used Benny's Fame to prod to promote myself I did it all by myself did you use your brother aam Fred's great success one of the fathers of modern Jewish music watching his Ascent in the Jewish music did you use that to guide Benny in terms of his career and to help him understand uh some of the the potential pitfalls and what to do not to do from what I know Benny asked him if he should go into singing and he said absolutely not so he listened to his uncle like he listened to his father exactly and thank God for that we'll move things around there we lost Rabbi bro but he's back he's coming to us from Israel barem barash so Rabbi Freeman of if we go to you and then of course I want mcot Brody to jump in as well there's so much to talk to both of you about and we're so grateful you're with us um rby Freeman I first learned about you and was inspired by you with the book about um why doesn't anyone blush anymore and really addressing issues of modesty in a way that that people hadn't or I hadn't read or heard or or thought about and I'm wondering looking back the book is more than 30 years old at this point when was that first authored published 91 so it's a 30 years ago 19 91 1991 yeah so did if people didn't blush then then certainly they don't blush now you know in Florida you drive down I95 just reading Billboards the inuendo of the Billboards themselves you got to go to the Mikvah after you read a billboard it's unbelievable if people didn't blush then so where are we now and and and how would you update that book if it were going to be re-released today well I think I did I put out another book A couple of years ago called the joys of intimacy which goes to more the heart of the issue assuming that nobody blushes anymore what's left to the decency in people and what was left is the natural need for intimacy hopefully that'll save us because if we keep going the way we're going relationships will become paper thin so paper it's written up in teaching modesty to this generation we're living in in an immodest time right the barometer today is not is not the uh aspiration or the ambition for for Holiness but rather for happiness and in the world we live in people can dress or do or say or think or believe whatever they want as long as they're not hurting another person that's the only measure so how do was how does one communicate particularly to young people today that that's not the only measure that's not the only important thing in life of whether anyone's getting injured or hurt but that there are values and virtues that we should aspire to that are that are beyond that and plenty of people are getting hurt and that's just too bad so even that sensitivity of you know at least don't hurt anybody that's gone they don't care who they hurt and they make no apologies about it so this is part of the coming of Mia is that evil will be pure evil good will be pure good and as a result the evil can't last so the more blatant becomes the more Unapologetic the sooner it's going to just implode and disappear That's the Silver Lining scary times we have to hope but exciting yeah gotta get to the good news soon the good new Benny let me ask you a quick question turn the focus to you for a second obviously so much of your music is not just beautiful and fun to listen to but it's it's really inspirational and the words are meant to uplift you as much as the song itself walk us through a little bit walk us through you hear that walk us through a little bit what happens from the start those are the landscapers that I asked to stop doing outside my office out outside the poker toone synagogue um walk us through for a second what happens from the Inception of a song all the way until it comes to fruition what's the motivation where do the inspir ation come from how does it kind of coll you know formulate itself in your head um who do you run it by who are the types of speaker you you speak to and say this is the type of idea I'm going with slow song fast song inspirational motivational what are some of the steps that you take until you uh bring a song into the marketplace um so I just want to uh say that my father said mentioned earlier that as far as what he told me and what my father said very little one thing that my father told me early on it could be that I played a certain song for my father and my father said to me that song is way too sad you're way you're too young to be singing such sad songs you're young you need to be hopeful so that is a a very strong guiding principle for me now since then um in choosing songs and topics and things to sing about to try to find the positive side of things and the hopeful side of things and the um the young you know young and uh and what do you call it uh there's a word that I can't think of right now uh more motivational more inspirational optimistic optimistic the world is your oyster anyway so that's uh something that I look out for always to try to find songs that are positive and have those uplifting uh messages um a song can either be an idea that exists in my brain and then I'll go to different um uh composers to try to find that that perfect expression of the idea or sometimes the uh song will show up in my inbox as a full complete song ready to go and then there's always everything in between half an idea or whatever but uh I have I have writers uh sometimes I'll ask my father sometimes I'll ask some of my brothers I have a our family WhatsApp uh WhatsApp group is like a big uh a big Think Tank you know you can run ideas through how do we get on I want to be on the fredman family WhatsApp group just a fly on the wall of that WhatsApp group it's a lot of fun it's hilarious I'm sure it's a lot of brain power a lot of talent a lot of cheer a lot of amuna I want I want in on that one you're welcome anytime Benny do you know if you had to guess what's what's your father's favorite song that you sing should we go to your father and ask him see if You' guess it right I think I've told you a few times no on the first album is it absolutely oh can can you give us a stanza or two I didn't warm up uh so I'm a little rusty but we'll give it a try [Laughter] [Music] I'm sure it makes more sense if you hear it in context it's amazing made all the sense RAB Freedman why is that your favorite song The Words the melody the singer combination yes and it and it shows off his voice better than any other song The Range the the variety the the richness fantastic did did were the two of you together for giml toas we are yes you are together and how how how was giml thas observed by the fredman family we were actually out on the what is it called where were we the in the staging area producing a video oh after after uh almost two years a video for the song Oh we were scheduled to record a video to film a video in Russia um it was going to be pesak 2020 and those plans went out the window so we've been waiting to see when it would become possible to go back and and uh you know when the SK would open up and countries would open up and it seems like so we just said enough is enough so we filmed uh yesterday well very exciting I'm very excited about it video for and my father came and did a cameo appearance in the video which is which is very exciting is that the first time first Cameo do believe have you ever done a cameo and your brother's and brother's videos anybody else's videos Rabbi fredman nope okay this is my first uh attempt at an Oscar talk to talk to us about giml thas talk to us about giml thas for a moment and what it means uh to both of you we had a bone synagogue we have a beautiful minion and we had gim event here I bring in here and uh I wrote about uh a little bit in in our weekly bulletin but for for both of you together and separately what what giml what the Reb what the Reb's Legacy what uh what that day means I spoke about four times in connection with giml tamas publicly and what came to mind was that uh I started when started one of the the first talk and they motioned to me that I was muted and that I should unmute and that became the theme I think it's safe to say that after the war and after the Holocaust the Jewish Nation the Jewish people were muted and we needed to unmute and the Reb more than any individual unmuted us gave us back a voice gave us back a confidence you know took away the apologetic lowprofile you know shash still don't draw attention to yourself he went the opposite direction or as one celebrity said what can I tell you about kabad did you see the size of their manora doesn't that tell you everything visible outspoken the world needs to hear what we have to say no apologetic no hiding no no inferiority complex after a holocaust we should be the proudest people in the world he unmuted us and just the fact that they de went on television the only Rabbi who actually invited International viewers to his to his fans of all the rabbis in the world the laich had ever goes on television it wasn't Television Satellite technology I don't even know how to how to describe it and of course I I I had the uh incredible experience of being the deis translator simultaneous for eight years it was amazing amazing so we owe the great debt and it's not slowing down we're being more and more unmuted now we have a big Mana in the Kremlin and we have a big Mana in front of Nazi headquarters in Berlin and most recently a big Mana in Dubai in a Muslim country yeah so we see it here your your niece and nephew Yoni and rify cats who've moved to our community in a very short time have continued to light the community on fire and bring that energy and it's so natural to them and they've got children dripping over all of them and they still find the time to to care about not only Jews non-jews in the neighborhood they moved into everybody we need to inspire Enlighten so not only does it run in your family but the the Reb's influence is felt maybe more than ever even 27 years later Benny what do what does it mean yon will appreciate Yoni is one of those giant no yeah it's a great that's a great description an accurate description Benny and gimma thas what what do you think about obviously your connection to the rebba through your own family but independently you how does how does the Reb's Legacy inform what you do your singing and the joy you try to bring to people and and and your in the way that it expresses itself yes so I just want to say first of all I read your your post about gim and I was at a bar on Friday actually Arab shabas and I quoted in your name the story of the boy who came for mitvah thank you Major League Baseball yeah so have for that um yeah gim was obviously uh for people of my age is a is a very difficult day a very confusing day um but just in general uh the rebas how I understand it the's focus on and and and how much how how infinitely precious a Jew is to Hashem and that we should try to mimic that and our Behavior should reflect that and and in in my in my business our songs should reflect it and the the message that we're trying to bring to the world is the message of the the infinite worth and infinite uh uh the gem that is every single Jew that first of all we should feel her and also Jews should feel it about themselves should be Jewish pride and we should be uh we should walk with our with our with our back straight and our heads held high because this is not something to be ashamed of this is the greatest gift in history I actually met a father a few months ago who uh's not not uh I wouldn't say he was very religious but his daughter became very sick unfortunately loo and they ended up in the hospital and he said that from the minute his daughter ended up in the hospital he realized that being born Jewish is literally not figuratively it's literally winning the lottery because he says people were in hospital beds next two hours and they were there all by themselves there was a kid two beds over her mother would come every two three days because there was nobody to babysit the other children and whatever is this kid was here alone but us on the other hand the minute it became known in the community that our daughter was in that situation a thousand people mobilized babysitters insurance people Health advisors Meals on Wheels everybody camps and programs and just he said from what I didn't do anything to deserve it I was simply born Jewish so there's something very very special about the Jewish people and there's no reason to be ashamed about it and there's no reason to keep it a secret and we sing it proud and loud and and and nothing wrong with it that's a great segue of Rabbi bro who I'm sure was about to ask about that song I am so excited first of all to speak to you first of all as one musician to another I don't always get to speak to musicians it's always about sports on this show I don't know anything about sports first of all do you know are you are you a are you a ball player or no you're as a musician you know you're like me we we're musicians right I don't know if I'm a musician either but I'm certainly not a ball player okay okay I'm not much a musician either but I think in my own head I am but let me ask you a question some of my favorite Jewish music or some of my favorite Jewish songs that ever been written were those songs where you did these collaborations you know different musicians come together they sing a song together um I know you've been parts of some of these these these these great songs and I'm really hoping that there'll be more coming out that you along with all of your musician and singer colleagues will will come together to write more of these these these collaborations especially like you just said right it's all about the the the aspect of of aus and unity and how do you bring it together and before before before answer that hopefully maybe he'll tell us a little breaking news if something's in the works after Corona maybe there's something coming out I just want to I'm going to make a suggestion this is my suggestion because there was once I think it was it was Lenny Solomon that actually put out a great song about akas but we're so great about the collaboration that he did with all the singers it wasn't singers from just one particular side of the community he really dug deep and I'm sure it probably wasn't easy to try and find different types of singers to that would want to agree to be part of a song obviously he had limits I'm sure there's certain limits he couldn't have certain certain singers in a song but if you could go and and and and contact the singers that say that don't look like you right there's a lot of the more modern and I'm not even n of called the non-observant or the non- religious whatever you want to use whatever terms it would be such a great thing to show the Jewish World look how we can come together so that's my point I don't know what the question is but you had an experience and you've done it before what's that like recording with musicians or with other singers that's my question um abam free just did a major uh collaboration and concert or two concerts together with with who Aviv geen okay so yeah a major Revolution I want many many many singers this this might just be the beginning okay good Best Is Yet To Come are coming Benny if I could just ask you you had referenced that giml thas for people of your Generation Um is difficult in confusing so not of our myself and not all of our listeners are as familiar can you just unpack a little bit why it's so confusing for for you I happen to be a general in SOS hasem so I'm I understand what you meant but for the people who are not even little those are not even privat it's very confusing just for the simple reason reason that we don't understand why why it happened we don't understand why here we are 27 years later and mhia is not here and and gim has happened and and theb is not physically with us and this it's just uh you know what I mean you wake up every morning and you go why what what's going on why are we still in this situation so it's I mean it's it's it's confusing for everybody it's just more so confusing for people who I think I don't know speaking for myself people who didn't have the chance to grow up and to go to Yeshiva and to you know spend their their teenage years in the in 770 next to the instead they're growing up uh you know what I mean with with videos and with uh and and memories and and uh and if you were born later than me then there's no memories at all it's just you're being born into a world that is that is uh you know what I mean after a post gim's world is uh like almost like a dur so it's just very confusing it's confusing in the sense that there's from where I'm sitting there's no excuse for it and uh and and we're trying and we're trying to break out of the situation and it's taking a long time break out in the sense of bringing Messiah yeah it's an amazing thing that since giml the number of kabar houses has tripled that's 27 years most of the young schim are not 25 yet which means they never saw the deil not even as children never and yet they're so devoted and so committed and so inspired to to go to places that earlier didn't want to go to too far off the Beaten Track or or or not big enough Community with that can support itself so it's real M neish and yet they can't wait to go they beg they beg to go to be given this H and this is 27 years after so how do you explain that how how so that that's exactly what I wanted to ask you what what is that magic what what was the Reb's formula and we know the rebba didn't make followers he made leaders and he lit the C he gave the match and he said light your candle and the Reb is Godless in so many ways but I'll ask it differently we Mas and I all of us to some extent are trying to be of influence to be Mas on others we're aam of a of a community and every day and every hour every week we're trying to inspire we're trying to we're trying to give the matches to our mum to our members and we're trying to create the leaders in our community and a lot of uh a lot of our colleagues a lot of our peers grow frustrated that even though our community is made up of wonderful extraordinary beautiful tremendous volunteers sometimes it can get frustrating that we can't get that leadership we can't get the spirit of volunteerism and we can't get people who are willing to be most inici in sacrifice and and the rebba Not only did it then through fabrin through individual Yus meetings 27 years later he's still doing it and we are physically here physically alive and well physically speaking and we're struggling so what was that Magic what's the formula what can we learn from it he's More Alive than we are but you know why why is he so impressed with those who died because those who died have a greater influence on their children than when they were alive you but I think that the the trick or the miracle of the Ever Was what he did not do he was so artless there was no stick there was no there you know people thought Outsiders thought that the was so successful because of his Charisma his personality his uh his strong will his wit and he was just smart enough talented enough and charismatic enough to run the show none of it none of it he didn't use Charisma he didn't use wit he didn't nothing no gimmicks no attempt at it when the Reb was faing and it was being broadcast all over the world the same faing and the same language the same and that's why they insisted on speaking Yiddish because no gimmicks completely artless let the MS spe for itself and the MS is powerful much more powerful than any personality so when people predicted that without the de it would all fall apart how can Ms fall apart it's extraordinary it really is and and you look at it and and we are in awe and again whether someone is technically a laaber or not the world the Jewish world are beneficiaries I always say that if you if you've Trav vacationed you're on business and you've needed kosher food a Mikvah or a minion then we're all and that's a gift of the Reb sending that Army across the world aside from caring about people that many others neglected and and it's time for that obsy and that and that love and that and that positivity for all uh a lot more you know if you watch a video of the daving there is nothing to notice there is nothing flashy there's nothing impressive nothing and if you look a little closer you'll see that de is reading the words from the Sid as if he's never seen them before like a child so the Innocence the Purity Nock nothing just the EMS oh here's a beautiful story was three and a half years old it was a hot day back in Russia and uh the devil was sitting outdoors with his mother and he had just had his haircut so he was wearing this big yamka a Jewish guy who had become a communist and an atheist he walks by and he says in Yiddish it's so hot you're wearing this big yamok it's so uncomfortable take it off the is three and a half years old say so the man says it's okay the sin will be on me I take it on me it'll be my sin and the rebba said what's the difference who does the sin that that is the story of yides kite in the 21st century it's not my project it's not about my being a sadik I can't sin because I'm Orthodox you shouldn't put on filling because you're not Orthodox it's the it's the so what's the difference who violates him that is so different how can you argue with that it's so disarming it's so it gets right to the like what what are you going to do yeah Benny in your SCH do you take advantage of of your talent as a as a prominent Jewish singer to also uh try to do kiru to to touch the nishas of of others are you a little bit more distan because you're on stage how do the two combine how do how do you take that shus to to use it to change the Jewish world and Beyond yeah there was a little bit more distance and um and uh I do a little bit you know talking and shmooing but it's mostly trying to do it through music to add the and the Jewish pride and um and then of course people you come into contact with on a much uh I don't know smaller scale but a smaller scale it's not like uh on the internet where it's in front of the millions it's one-on-one so there's that also but but in in general it's through music through songs that try to push these ideas into people's hearts do you have a favorite song from another Jewish singer that you love to sing which is your favorite song that's not your own oh that's dangerous territory interesting am I going to get him in trouble I shouldn't say which is your which to which is your favorite today right not your favorite of all time which uh let me ask it differently I don't want you to get in trouble of your Uncle aam Fred which is your F which is his song that's your favorite it's also very difficult uh uh question to answer um he has he has great great songs um but uh so I'll say besides for let's cut out the obvious ones right it's easy for me to say I love Tanya or I love uh you know khazak so let's assume that all of those I love and go a little bit off the beaten path he has a song called on his album which is to me one of the happiest songs just the whole production of it and the way he sings it with the choir and the music he happen happens to be he he composed that song it's just so happy when I hear that song it's like 100% Sim through the roof so that's uh one of my definitely one of my favorite a fre songs maybe that goes under the underrated category underrated underappreciated but one of the great songs I know that song well that is a that is a great song so I I don't want to get into dangerous territory but um Father's Day is coming up it's not a Jewish holiday every day is we should appreciate the gift of of fatherhood appreciate the MIT of every day and on the other hand we're extremely sensitive not everybody who wants to be a parent has merited to be yet and we give a Braha that all those who are looking to get married to have children should Merit to have uh have beautiful families healthy families and be able to celebrate each and every day with those families we don't take that for granted we want to be sensitive but maybe maybe you could both speak to what a father-son relationship the Torah prescription the Torah view the Torah formula for those who are fathers what is that responsibility and uh Benny I guess from from your perspective maybe we'll start with this um your father is famous for his lessons and his teachings on parenting so what were the lessons that you learn directly by example that you don't need to read in a book you need to hear in a lecture that you don't need to be taught but that you saw with your own eyes what is what did what did you learn by having or what are you learning by having Rabbi fredman as your father about parenting uh um one of the uh most incredible things I think that I heard from my father personally about parenting is that as a father clape your children you're not trying to join into their life you're not trying to be a a giant version of a six-year-old um you're trying to create a life and and should be a life that they would would like to be a part of you live your life and they will want that instead of you know building a a giant Playhouse um so that is something that I try to be very conscious of and I certainly saw it with my father I remember driving in the car with my father listening to tapes of of r car full of children listening to Khan who spoke in Yiddish with a very thick uh lisp very very hard to understand for for me at that age and it didn't matter like could we listen to Uncle Mishi no this is what we're listening to now and and and that was I mean we listen to Ani too sometimes in the car but sometimes it was now we're going to listen to this because this is what I need to listen to and it was uh you know what I mean I have a life I'm studying now he's teaching I'm going to learn now and you're going to be in the car and you're going to you're going to just observe this because my life is does is not uh uh g in it my life is my life and you're welcome to join it at any time does does your uncle say uncle moshi's not your uncle I'm your uncle listen to me yes we've got the St letters tell you something about about both Benny and AO that I heard from other popular singers what is unique about AO is that he really wants other singers to succeed he inspires them he doesn't compete with them and Benny does the same thing just naturally if he's singing with someone else he wants the other the other singer to look good to come across you know successful and always deferring to the other so there's no there's no friction there's no competition there's no uncomfortable feelings everybody loves to perform with AO and everybody loves to perform with Benny and I think the reason is because they're not trying to be the greatest singers they see it as a so if somebody else is a greater singer that's fine it doesn't threaten them you can pick that up you could see that I've been toas with with with a AEL I've seen him in concerts and you can see that sometimes singers are vying who gets the high solo who gets the Finish who gets the he's happy even though he's the king of Jewish music he's on the St he's the king of Jewish music and those who go back far enough know it but uh but yeah they see that humility it's a tremendous tremendous quality it's a the only downside is when when AEL and and I sing together because then it's just two guys going you first oh you first makes it rough makes it rough for those there Rabbi Freeman talk about fatherhood the responsibility Mother's Day Father's Day parenting what what are the responsibility and you know Benny described what he picked up from you and saw in you give us a lesson as we're as we're seeing this day I just actually had a a radio interview on the subject of fatherhood if you ask the average person present company excluded can you define what a father is nobody has a definition we know what a mother is we can barely explain what a father is so using a very popular Universal expression wait till your father comes home everybody says that or used to anyway what does that mean what does that mean a mother can't beat up her kid you have to wait till the father comes home yeah that it's used in the negative but it should also apply in the positive a child learns how to tie his own shoes he learns a mishna by heart he learns to to to wash his own negas you know and the mother says wait till tati comes home I'm proud of you of course I trained you sure I'm proud of you but wait till tati comes home he will be so proud and then you've made it if you make your father proud you're home you're a success so that's the role of the father it's like the Olympic Training training for the Olympic the mother is your trainer she's there when you fail she's there when you succeed the father is like the judge who says Ah that was good that's it the father's role is to set a standard and to give approval because without approval we we don't make it I know people who are 50 60 years old and they're still suffering misery because they didn't get their father's approval the father isn't alive anymore and they're still trying to get their father's approval so the father is like the the the seal when you do something right when you do something good the father gives you the seal of approval and your a mench without the Father the father have to do it bearingly how does the father know when they're giving too much approval in this generation of over approval how does one know when it's needed too much too little yeah the right amount what happens today when a father wants to be involved he wants to be a Hands-On father he actually becomes an assistant mother he diapers the baby feeds the baby takes the baby for he's an assistant mother which is very nice for the mother but now the kid has two mothers and still no father so the father should not give up the role of you know the standard Bearer and in order to do that the father has to have a certain Authority in the home that is unquestioned in the olden days when a father did have authority he could spank the child and it was accepted people remember being spanked um with with with fond memories today you try to spank a kid you end up in jail because the child does not accept your Authority so who are you to to be spanking me the real problem is if you don't have the authority then you don't have the authority even to send them to his room oh we don't spank we send them to their room time out and the kid is thinking who are you to send me to a room so you get the same negative reaction and resentment there's no other way your father must have authority to begin with and then everything he does works and what gives the father Authority I mean aside from that what gives the father Authority is the confidence that he has when he raises his child when he says something to his child he says it with absolute confidence this is EMS this is right this is how you're supposed to be no Force no threat just absolute confidence and even among adults you have a group of adults having a conversation the one who has the most confidence wins the argument but the Father the father has to live the part too correct in other words the father's Authority is compromised if they're a hypocrite if they're if they're demanding one thing but living another and the father's not representing what they're claiming to be the authority of then they're going to lose the respect of the child too yes because if you're not living up to your own value you are not talking with confidence you're just quoting one of the ways that parents can maintain their their Authority is if the mother defends the father's honor and authority and when the father defends and uh encourages the respect for the mother if they're not doing that with each other and if the father has to demand respect we've lost the game if the mother has to demand her own you know CET it's pathetic so the mother should be saying no listen to your father your father knows and the father should be saying go ask your mother she's very wise that's that's Harmony in the family and just to clarify for today's day and age and to avoid our heavy to get emails the the father can still volunteer to to change a diaper occasionally and to help out even while they are the authority correct that's a favor to your wife which is a very good idea don't confuse that with okay excellent clarification yes I just wanted to make sure just wanted to make sure we're so grateful for both of your time Benny you you were raised in the home of a very prominent high profile your father's a a great and a brilliant teacher orator um what's something about Rabbi Manis fredman that that we don't know that the people who only see the public part of him don't fully appreciate but should I didn't give these questions in advance I'm not listening I'm not listening you can say whatever you want just remember the Asser sbras just remember say whatever you want we go it's G be good only problem is that my father knows that he has the authority by us to to spank so that's why I'm I'm thinking twice um my uh my father uh is a hero in my family because we know uh that my father has a unflinching commitment to Ms and he suffers a lot from it because or doesn't suffer a lot from it either way only only from one guy from one guy or from one type of guy um my father says what he what he believes is Ms and he will not compromise uh an inch away from it and he doesn't uh believe that you are meant to change your opinion or your public Persona in order to uh asage the feelings of of and it is awesome to see uh somebody who who who talks about it and also does it and uh it's it's a it's a big blessing and it's a big uh like a challenge to try to live up to it to not be the SPO from uh from a world that is getting progressively crazier every single day it's pretty awesome and I want to tell you that um whether I'm successful or not whether people accept what I'm saying or not I come back from a talk from a speaking tour and so on was it good was it not good the truth is I don't really care I have a wonderful family and that that gives me all the confidence in the world I have no apologies on nothing you know a great bunch of kids and incredible grandchildren it's just so you know you can say whatever you want I don't care I've got got it made right there at home I also heard my father say once that he feels very bad for Hashem because it says that every Jew is hashem's child that means that Hashem doesn't have any grandchildren and grandchildren is the real Joy that's a great line that's a great line you've been ven generous with your time maybe just lastly Rabbi Freedman you have a new book coming out tell us about this new book what's in it what's its theme and um obviously your teachings Legacy a long Legacy of teachings but what specifically is in this new book it's a compilation actually it's like anthology of of ideas on every subject uh marriage uh belief education psychology every topic I've ever really um spoken on and uh it's it's going to be a big book so far I've just given out little books like 80 pages right this is going to be a book and there's gonna be a lot to read but it's on every topic from a Torah perspective from AIC perspective what is real what is sane what is right what is normal because nobody knows anymore and uh hopefully this will just be a little bit of a of a coaching and guiding book so that you can live a normal life as Benny says in this totally confused day and age just a little sanity how do you date how do you get married What is marriage what is a husband what is a wife what is intimacy what is auna who is God why are we here just the fundamentals nothing more stick to the fundamentals the rest is commentary so the Great Book creating a life that matters how to live in love with meaning and purpose when when will it be at when will people be able to get their hands on it see just from the title alone you see how big the book is the title takes up three pages uh uh it it's already at the printer so it's just a matter of uh letting the ink dry and then getting it to the stores we can't wait we can't wait to get our hands on I want to thank both of you for being with us Benny any last stanza any last little Melody that you can close us out with bring us a little Joy take that schas here on behind the Bea or do you have a picture of of the uh the filming costumes the how do I show it I don't know I got a picture oh hey there's a picture I don't know who's included in it there we go there we go a little Melody that goes along with the costumes Russian caps good life is great it's a chance to celebrate it's a party it's a ball and Ain't Nothing Gonna Get me down at all beautiful want to thank you both Rabbi fredman Benny fredman thank you for spending some time with us today thank you for letting us into your lives going behind the beima on things that people don't know sharing some insights inspiration and wisdom with us and we look forward to continuing to to sing and dance to your songs and to sing and dance to your inspiration and to your lessons in life and to to get this new book so thank you so very very very much only good news am amen amen amen that was a fascinating conversation father son Duo very different in many ways sharing obviously same values but very different different talents different skills and different gifts to this world and I'm glad they spent time with us um you know ranus is uh description fatherhood father mother fascinating behind the beas not entirely uh endorsing or not endorsing that description but ranas has an amazing way of taking deep and mystical Concepts he clearly a very traditional person who takes traditional views and communicates them in contemporary times in ways that I think have enormous amount of Truth and insight and Beauty they're refreshing and how honest they are but uh you know that's that's his opinion and I'm glad that we were able to have the opportunity so spending time with a father son I want to ask both of you it's a little bit of a sensitive question and um you know don't answer or stop me if if you want um Mother's Day we had the moms on a couple years ago for Mother's Day Father's Day obviously we can't both of you lost your fathers at at really young ages way too soon each really special people and I wonder and and I ask this not to put both of you on the spot but really to sensitize our listeners in general when Mother's Day Father's Day these aren't Torah days they're not Jewish days but they are part of the culture of the world in which we live when those days come up is it hard for you is it a trigger for you does it bring out a sadness for you when when your wife's giving a card to her father is it a stark reminder that your father's no longer physically here when you're getting a Father's Day card from your children is it a kind of mixed Bittersweet moment does it remind you that your father's not here what how how do you relate to Father's Day once you've lost your father when when both of you have lost your fathers at at relatively young ages broy am I going first or you want to go first either way so I'll say you know for me it doesn't um Father's Day does not hit me like that personally I try to focus more barem on my uh my beautiful family and my children um and I'm able to channel so much of the Father's Day experience towards them so I don't feel it as much as Father's Day and as you said Father's Day is not a religious holiday so it doesn't really carry any real significance to me um I feel it much more on a year site you know when when as we approach a year site the day of the year site that's when I feel it a lot more profoundly um that's when I'm much more sensitive to discussions about fathers and children and stuff like that so I don't feel it as much in June for me I feel it much more during the month of Elo and because I feel it in such a powerful way that I you know I was actually talking to someone our community who also lost a parent at a very young age um and they told me they said I dread the Earth site because it you know brings back and it conjures up and it's a reminder of things so for me it's much more the Earth site Father's day I try to channel it towards barash my beautiful family yeah it's hard you know because first of all you're really good at always pointing out on Father's Day and on Mother's Day you know don't uh you know forget that there are people out there that would love to become fathers people out there would love to become mothers but that doesn't help the people that had the father or had the mother and no longer have them anymore you can't there's really nothing you can bring them back I got a little bit of a different situation than than Rabbi mosus because I don't think anyone in my family is aware of the Y site of my father so it's not like oh it's coming close I know what it is but I don't talk about it and then there they know it's December time but they I don't or you know November depending on the year but they don't know necessarily when it's gonna uh um when it's going to take place I think what they do know is that on Father's Day it's it's it's a day that we're going to keep busy and maybe it's because I know my personality like I just don't want to talk about it or I probably don't want to think about it because for for whatever reason it's in my own head so no one really talks about it um so it's it's a it's a kind of strange day but it I just did a funeral U this happens actually more often than not um where where someone that lost a parent I'm not talking about a really older person which you know one can expect person lives into their 90s but someone that's younger you know 50s 60s 70s and you make the comments like I'm really sorry to you know I know it must be really hard and they're right away they hit me back they're like trust me you don't know how hard it is like something like that like inferring like that I have't like I have both parents and I'm like well actually I I lost my dad like 20 years ago and I kind of do know what you're going through um and then it's always like this oh I didn't I'm sorry and then it's like a weird kind of interaction but it happens to be it's very interesting you just mentioned that because there is a very strange fraternity of people who lost parents at a young age and when you talk that language and when you're able to communicate in that language there's a barrier that's automatically separated between you and the other person and there's just a level of depth that you're able to communicate with that other person that I don't know that other people would necessarily appreciate even people lost parents at an older age which again is is also hard and also has its challenges but they're just uh they're a little bit different do you think that both of you having lost your dads at a young age forced you to confront mortality does that shape the kind of fathers you are meaning do do you have an awareness not that you're thinking about this all the time but that because life can be short you want to make sure you're instilling the memories in your children the rituals you're passing on Traditions that you are creating that that Legacy in your children's mind because having having gone through that loss you're just aware of mortality more than people who have never gone through that loss I mean for me absolutely it's something I think about constantly I also think it's because of our line of work which is so much of what we do is centered around helping people and guiding people through in those difficult times so it's almost like a constant reminder so it's partially being the rap and always going to funerals and Shiva homes and talking to and hearing about their memories part of it is definitely because of my experiences that I'm very conscious of the impact that we make the Legacy that we leave the memories that people are going to have of you um you know for me it's very strange this year is going to be the 20th year at sight of my father and I'm turning a big number soon which means that I'm I'm getting to the point where basically half of my life was no longer with him alive which is very strange for me because it means that so much of who I am is result of him but it also means that so much of who I am is is now an extension of it and the memories that were built as a result of it so it's a very strange year for me in that regard both because of the birthday and because of the earth site but I'm very conscious and again I think any anyone in our line of work um is very conscious of that sense of mortality and the memories and the Legacy that we live I will say though and then I'll I'll turn over R bro is without a doubt though I could say this that so much of the direction I took in my life is is a result of those experiences you know seeing the role that the rabbi of our community played in my life at that moment seeing how he was there for my family and cared for us and guided us without a doubt shaped the trajectory of where I knew I wanted ahead and the role that I knew I wanted to play in other people's lives which was to lessen pain and to be there for people in difficult times I love the way you put that as an extension of him not that you've moved on Beyond but that that notion that half of your life was with him and half is that extension that's a really beautiful to put it bro I'm just if there's two things I just I'm thinking of first of all my mother has been talking about this for years already my father's going to be buried again I don't know what the word is but in Israel at some point reinterred next year uh maybe next summer so that's that's G to be that's GNA be a weird experience because like I I mean you were there the first time around I don't know how emotionally invested I was in the what was taking place I don't know if it's going to be different the second time around because maybe I'm older more mature I don't know you actually won't know about it the practice is that the day that they do it they don't tell the family because if you knew about it on that day you'd have to sit Shiva again for a day so what we do I know this because my grandparents were moved from Staten Island to cemetery to be buried in Israel and uh they basically tell you like a day or two after it's done that it's complete um and and we had an unveiling in Israel you may do that with your family you may have another unveiling for your dad in Israel but in order to avoid you're having to sit Shiva for a day they won't tell your mom you your sister that's very interesting and I know he always wanted to be here so maybe it's like maybe I haven't even it's like he hasn't it hasn't even really happened yet the funeral I don't know like my own head I'm just trying to make sense of the whole thing but but the the one other thing I think is actually interesting up until last year Matthew was working with us and the three of us worked together for 10 years four of us right so three out of four they didn't have when Throw Shop ties D David and Shop TI the rabbis lost their mom right it's very strange it's a very you know and and I think maybe I'm speaking for Phil as well but certainly for Matthew I mean I I don't know that we have another close friend that has a father I'm saying out of the little K that we have it's just you and your dad happens to be we love your dad we know your dad you know we feel very close to your dad but it's um it's not like I know another father son relationship at least not one that comes to mind so quickly that I'm constantly interacting with so right professionally appreciate that I appreciate that well thank you for those personal thoughts I know that's not simple or easy we appreciate you're both sharing in that way and we are winding down a season this is it we're going to be taking a break for a while we are super grateful to Rabbi Manis Freeman Benny Freeman Rabbi bro coming to us from Israel yet again and grateful for your making that happen super grateful to our Anonymous sponsor in gratitude to Hashem and wishing a happy birthday to Karen Elora she have continued good health and give nakas to her parents and U we want to thank all all the sponsors throughout this entire season all that money not one penny goes to our pockets the sponsorship for behind the beam is helping us continue to teach Tor promote Torah share Torah primarily in boaron but also more globally from there so we're really grateful to all of our sponsors all of our guests we actually have some guests lined up for the new season uh at the end of the summer and some really exciting really high-profile really great guests really excited to bring them to you in the meantime look out for our best of episodes that are going to combine some of the best moments from the 50 60 conversations we've had until now if you had a favorite guest that you want to make sure make it to the best of let us know and we will bring them in big thank you to Matthew Miller who is the one who produces and publishes the podcast and the episode each and every week so thank you Matthew thank you to the fact Checker and the one who records the intro to the podcast each and every week thank you to those who've taken a moment to rate and review and help get the message out our guests and uh all that they have out and stay tuned to find out what we decided are we going to be together are we going to be sitting separately are we going to stream live are we going to record and drop who knows we don't even know yet so T stay tuned to be able to find out want to wish you a happy and a healthy summer successful a prosperous summer a summer filled with Nas and joy a safe and secure summer and until we meet again stay happy stay healthy