#4: Iggeres HaRamban (10 Minutes of Meaning) - Role of the Father & the Mother

good morning B every welcome back to 10 minutes of meaning we are learning we have completed we've pivoted to be studying the incredible letter of the ran to his son from AKO from Israel all the way back to Spain the ran has promised us if we read it once a week let alone if we read it every day and we live it every day the braa that we will find in our lives I want to thank our generous sponsors of 10 minutes of meaning it's in honor of their parents and their children so far we've not actually started because ran introduces his letter to his son with a with the words of listen my son listen listen to the words the mus of your father and the Torah of do not abandon the Torah of your mother so far we translated the word shma doesn't mean to hear it means to understand the only works if the one who's listening understands what's being said so shma doesn't just mean audibly to hear it means listen listen be open we spoke about the significance the importance the prerequisite to personal growth is the capacity to listen so the ran turns to his son and he says be a listener if you listen to me if you listen to Torah if you listen to Hashem if you listen to his world there are messages being proclaimed all the time that's how we grow B if one feels you're my son I'm your son this is coming from a good place it's coming from care and concern it's coming from Love and Affection then a person will be more predisposed to be able to heed and to hear the message we quoted the why says he calls the Shepherds my brothers and therefore they are then open to what he has to say so we continue shma we translated we go one word at a week shma B we'll go two words mus the mus of your father now if I would have asked you who gives mus and who transmits Torah between the mother and the father who's the source of mus and who's the source of Torah one might have concluded the Torah is the father that's who you sit and you with the mus who raises you is the mother so what did mean why is ran invoking this P what is the mus of the father and what is the Torah of the mother so the rashi rashi in that PK says that listen to Musashi says it refers to the basic text the rules of as recorded in the Torah the T the the Torah of the the mus of the mother is a reference to Torah which is of course the blueprint of Our Lives what is the Torah of the mother says Rashi the additional the additional fences and safeguards that the introduced so what is the mus of the father what is the Torah of the mother adhere to the fences of kazal when the Rabbi said in every generation here are the guard rails here are the safeguards here's the way of avoiding the pitfalls don't fall off the cliff don't fall off the edge here's the way so Rashi says that is what is the Tor that is Rashi that is Rashi quotes from a different understanding what does it mean the difference he says the word aim mother comes from the word IM which is if if the mother's role is primarily in the area of uncertainty or contingency the mother's contribution in raising a child will affect his future that the mother is the aim helps resolve the IM there's so much doubt there's so much uncertainty there's so much worry there's so much anxiety there's so much that we don't know about this child's future the aim helps resolve through her through her role through her love through her affection through the support through the parameter through the framework she Prov provides she provides to resolves the sense of Im so he says the father can be viewed as the captain of the ship but the mother who stands at the helm and determines the course to be taken the father's function is to instruct the mother's role to implement the instructions in a practical way so heed your father's instructions he lays down the law the instructions the principles but at the same time and perhaps even more importantly T don't Veer from your mother's teaching she's the she's the administrator in the house she executes on the plan father may be the primary source of what is the the plan the parameters the vision the rules but all that plan all that strategic thinking is only as good as the administration the administrator the execution of it the mother's the a she knows how to manage it how to execute it how to fulfill it how to make it reality how to make it happen it's a very similar sentiment that is communicated by Rosel r it's published in Tradition 1978 he offered a HP to his M the rebit of T the T Reb's wife the the rabbitson of TOA and in his hpid for her he said the following very powerful words I share his own words people are mistaken and thinking that there is only one m and only one M Community the community of the fathers said the r it's not true we have two muras two Traditions two communities two Shala two change of chains of tradition the community of the fathers and that of the mothers he says what is the difference between these twoos you see in these this and this you see there's and there's T what is the distinction between them let us explore what one learns from one's father and what one learns from one's mother listen to from one's father one learns how to read a text Torah talmud how to comprehend how to analyze how to conceptualize how to classify how to infer how to apply one also learns what to do what not to do what's morally right what's morally wrong the father teaches the son the dis discipline of thought as well as the discipline of action father's tradition is an intellectual moral one that is why he's identified with muser the Biblical term for discipline what is Torah what kind of Torah does the mother pass on I admit I admit says I'm not able to Define precisely the mtic role of the mother only by circumscription may I hope to explain it permit me to draw from my own experiences I used to have long conversations with my mother in fact they were monologues rather than a dialogue she talked and I happened to overhear what did she talk about I must use a term in order to answer this question she spoke of in I used to watch her arranging the house in honor of a holiday I used to see her recite I used to watch her recite the sedra every Friday night I still remember the nostalgic tune I learned much from her most of all I learned that yish expresses itself not in the formal compliance with the law but in a living experience she taught me there is a scent a flavor a warmth to mitzvos I learned from her the most important thing in life to feel the presence of the almighty and the gentle pressure of his hand resting upon my frail shoulders without her teachings which quite often were transmitted to me in silence I would have grown up a soulless being dry and insensitive Sal's describing his mother Now understand that Sal didn't attend to Yeshiva all that he was and all that he learned he received from his father and he records the experience of sitting anding and pouring over learning and the and everything that he absorbed that was transmitted from his father his father was his rebi was his teacher of mosha salv and yet here he is despite being not in Yeshiva he had aab mamed who once his father tested him and realized all he was learning was Tanya and nothing else that's when his father took him under his wing and started teaching him nothing wrong with it the RV loved and recited Tanya B the rest of his life but that's when ra mosha started teaching his son started teaching rash he learned all from his father and yet here he is describing that without her teachings his mother I would have grown up a soulless being dry and insensitive the laws of chabas for instance were passed on to be my father the part of mus but chabas is a living entity as a queen was revealed to me by my mother part of Tor the father knew much about chabas mother lived chabas experienced her presence and perceived her beauty and Splendor the fathers taught Generations how to observe chabas the mothers taught Generations had to greet chabas how to enjoy her 24-hour presence so how the r describes and it's critically important for our time to know that each offers their energy women shouldn't try to take on the role of the men the men shouldn't try to transmit or take on the role of the women there's a mus of and there's a Torah of there's a masculine energy and there's a feminine energy and they're equal but different significantly different and if we confuse them and complicate them and try to even blur the lines and differences between them we do a disservice to ourselves to our children and to the future we have to maintain those significant differences because each has what it needs to contribute the and the T and where would CL is be without both that's what was communicating that's what introduces to his son listen listen and learn to your father sit and with him make your way through t but Al when you smell the scent the flavor the vibrant Dynamic living of the mother alos don't abandon don't walk away don't ever forget keep smelling keep singing keep hearing ringing in your ears and the combination of the two is the guarantor of the future of yish kite and with that next week ofm will believe will begin the proper words of the ramban himself should be a great day we should hear I don't know happy P whatever the right greeting is sh