#32: Iggeres HaRamban (10 Minutes of Meaning)

good morning Boer to welcome back to 10 minutes of meeting please help yourself to Coffee slushy pastries in the lobby 10 minutes of meeting series is generously sponsor father her mother and we are at the end of the letter the raan wrote to his son the letter the ran wrote to each and every one of us every year we do a global campaign this year instead of the global campaign we're asking everyone for one year go back next year to what you ordinarily give one year dig deeper help us finish our campus from which we want to disseminate and spread and publicize enormous Torah and light to the world be a global Ambassador BS online.org Global BRS online.org Global and if you give or you make a page to get from your friends and clients and neighbors and family $1,800 we've got special gifts and giveaways for you so thank you for considering helping us this one time this one year at that level and help us realize our dream and have an impact on the world at the end of the Ran's letter he writes the following remove and eliminate everything from your heart while you're daving don't be distracted it's an incredible incredible uh exercise to come into sh every day and put your phone on airplane mode and the ritual of not only putting your phone in your pocket and the ritual of not only turning your phone to silent something we have to work harder on and make more announcements about but not only putting your phone on silent but the ritual of turning your phone to airplane mode you won't even be wondering or guessing or curious what's coming in that I'm not looking at when it's not on airplane mode your phone is still filling up with messages and emails and you're curious It's on airplane mode it's all intents and purposes off by the way you're even allowed to leave it in your car or at home when you come Davin because the ramban already writing long before smartphones the ramban already writing almost a thousand years ago to his son says you can't connect to Hashem you can't connect to yourself if you are distracted if you are fragmented if you are able to focus and prepare your heart before and purify all your thoughts you know the Yahara specifically hits Yara most often comes in in those holy moments so you think you're wearing a talson Fillin you're enveloped in kadush in Holiness and sanctity you're wearing a satellite dish on your head and your arm to get a highs speeded connection to Hashem what kind of Unholy thought could I possibly have in that moment at that place is doing those things no no no no that's when thear dka comes for you that's when it understands I'm about to lose him I'm about to lose her they're immersed in F they're immersed in prayer they're connecting they're they're they're recalibrating their Compass I'm going to lose them I got to hit I gotta strike I gotta come on hard that's when thear comes B famously said don't beat ourselves up about that thought regroup and refocus regroup and refocus so person should purify their thoughts and think about what we say before we actually express it now this is a huge it's a huge about daving it's a huge about life the notion to be so mindful so conscious so present to actually be capable of thinking before we say now the ramban's going to take it further because he says think about what you do before you say then he's going to go on and say think about before you do and think before you think that's going to be the highest level it's one thing to think before you speak we try to tell it to our children all the time when we ourselves If we're honest often struggle with it to think before we speak formulate our thoughts formulate our idea start with the end in mind what will be the outcome of what I'm about to say so our spouse or our child or our partner or our or our potential uh client say something that frustrates or disappoints or angers us or does something that just doesn't fit in line with what we hoped or wanted from them and we're tempted we're tempted to react we're tempted to react but sayar un bond to his son wait wait whoa slow down slow down say to yourself where do you want this to go how do you want this to end what will be the best way of getting there okay your spouse your child your Rabbi the Gabi gab's perfect he never does anything but they do something that's frustrating how can you react what can you say what can you do that will bring about the outcome that you want instead of escalating a fight Dr John Gman a marriage expert who I quote often because I think he has such wisdom traditional Jew yamaka wearing Jew and he has a newer book called fight WR it's an excellent book and his thesis is every time a couple have a fight there was a conversation that needed to happen and the fight happened instead there was a conversation that needed to happen I know you didn't mean to but when you did this it made me feel this way can I ask you to stop can you be more sensitive we need to plan how do we allocate our time how do we resolve differences conflicts there are important conversations we have to have but often instead of having the conversation the fight happens instead instead but if you would think about what we're saying before we say it so the ran is telling his son this in the context of you could finish D and you close the sitter and you don't remember saying one word because you didn't prepare you didn't think about it you didn't Focus you weren't honed in you weren't imagine if every amid we have three opportunities a day to be in Hashem office I'll never forget I had a a privilege several times to participate in high level meetings at the White House and the first time I went first time I went I got there early and I sat in a coffee shop opposite the White House and I wanted to make sure I wouldn't be late and I was like titering I was shaking in whose presence we would be and where with the greatest superpower in the world and given the opportunity to speak what should I say what should I say I don't want to fumer I don't want to stumble I don't want to First think about it Den what are the priorities what to say how to say and that's by the way itself something that we DAV for happens to be that the night before I was in square and I was with the square Reb and I asked for I said have this meeting tomorrow with other people and what should I do and theb said that at that time he'll give you the right words to say sometimes you're going into a difficult meeting a business meeting you're trying to land a client or a complicated meeting with a member of the family or an issue that you're trying to tackle or a solicitation because you're trying to finish a campus you're going into a difficult meeting for one minute pause and say give me the right words to say but I'll never forget when I left that meeting in Washington that day that whole ride home aside from the fact that my wife had texted me don't forget H out when you get home take out the garbage it's garbage day tomorrow which was very very important to hear whoever you think you are whatever meeting you just think you came from don't forget when you get home in the middle of the night take out the garbage to the curb that was a very important message I'm glad that I got it but I remember also thinking about iin we have access to the King of Kings to the one who really calls the shot to the one who pulls the strings the and do we ever stop and say I'm going into the Oval Office called sh I'm going into the Situation Room called The Sanctuary put my phone on airplane mode turn it off leave it outside and how do I plan what do I want to talk to him about you know an amazing thing to do before you D in every day look at your calendar on the way to sh before you go on airplane mode open Outlook Google whatever system you use look at your C what do I have what's coming up today what do I have today that I need to ask him for what do I need his help with what meeting what preparation what Shear what car poool do I have to drive what do I have to cook or bake what trip or flight do I have to take what do I need his help with and the truth is when you think about it in that way it's pretty absurd and ridiculous that day after day week after week month after month an entire lifetime we can dive into Hashem and never once have prepared never once I've thought about what do I want to say I'm in The Situation Room I've got an audience with the King of Kings I could talk about anything I want or need what do I want to talk to him about today so ran tells his son you're going into you have an audience with the King of Kings do this really crazy and really unusual thing which is called think about what you're going to say before you say it think about what you're going to say and then the continues that's true for everything whatever circumstance whatever situation think about start with the end in mind in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People Stephen kav has it is one of the habits begin start with the end in mind what's the outcome I want from this meeting and let me prepare and let me think about how will I bring it about how will I achieve it because in k you can't achieve success certainly not when it comes to kadha Holiness and sanctity without H without preparation without strategy without walking in being mindful to just like grip it and rip it through life and hope for the best you're not going to be successful whether it's a whether it's a meeting whether it's a minion or whether it's a conversation with a member of the family there has to be all the actions of your life all of your speech and actions and thoughts will be so we'll pick up with this next week because I understand think before you act that's excellent advice we tell that to Children certainly we should practice it ourselves think before you act that's really think do I want to eat all this what time do I really want to go to bed how much sleep do I really need think before every act good advice think before you speak also good advice some sometimes our speech gets away from us we speak louder we yell we scream we say things out of anger or we say things softly and gently but they're gonna have a horrible harmful result so think before you speak but the third one think before you think how do you think before you think that's what we'll pick up with next time it's a difficult mournful day as we're meeting the bias funerals are taking place K should give Comfort to CLA we should have BOS toos yeshu