#17: Iggeres HaRamban (10 Minutes of Meaning) - Mastering Humility

good morning welcome back to 10 minutes of meeting very grateful to our generous sponsors her mother this morning 10 minutes is sponsored by Gila Griner in memory of her beloved mother read Gila and is sponsored in memory of my beloved Aunt Mrs Maly Lazar Esther malab oner a very very special and meaningful and important part of my life we continue withas haran please help yourself in our Corner slushy coffee water a Danish enjoy uh we are aan the letter of the ran the letter written ostensibly to the ran son but really written as we've been saying Teach and every one of us how to live our best lives be our best selves and enhance our relationships in the most meaningful ways how to condition and train ourselves not to get angry how to be filled instead with awe and how to connect both with hm and the people around us so the raan writes because we said in the absence of anger where anger normally resides if a person can in fact if we can reflexively condition ourselves always to all people in all times speak calmly serenely keep our voice lowered then if we can do that then we'll be filled with Midas with a sense of humility humility fills the place that anger was because anger of course always comes from the ego anger comes from the ego why does someone get angry you didn't do what I wanted it didn't go according to my plan it didn't meet my expectations you didn't behave in line with what I want from you so people get angry because of their ego so if a person can help grow in sublimating their ego and not getting angry what fills that space instead me humility so writes and when a person is filled with this quality of humility very interesting the ramban is using his words in a very exacting fashion the wordes means what does it mean to be embarrassed to be bashful to be ashamed what form of the verb is it it's Flex it's it's reflexive so in other words the ran is writing don't actually be embarrassed and ashamed and bashful but act condition transform yourself from everyone and when you have when you live with humility so act condition transform present yourself as if you're ashamed embarrassed humbled and be afraid act make yourself afraid meu who's meu Hashem so the sense of Shame is before Adam before everyone before Hashem retreat with a sense of wow I'm So Unworthy and I'm so humbled that I'm afraid from you and from and from mistakes and from s let's unpack this incredible sentence the ran is writing his son and the ran is writing all of us R uses three verbs that are reflexive just like the raan said so the ran the thesis of his whole letter is take ownership take responsibility how you behave condition ourselves train ourselves we have the ability we have that capacity don't wait for someone else don't wait to be inspired or motivated don't wait for someone to swoop in but take control take responsibility condition yourself when someone has anava there are two types of anava that you could have there's an inherent or intrinsic anava who had such an anava who had such a humility only the most humble man that ever lived most humble man of all time who the Almighty theom himself testified to his humility namely Moshe hasem himself testifies when moshe's leadership is challenged his own family Moshe is the most humble of all people and mosha had that quality inherently intrinsically so he was it's how he designed it's how he trained himself he was humble he was humble he was the smartest person in any room the most righteous person in any room the most most selfless person in any room the most empathetic person in any room and yet despite mosha being the best most Superior in any room he walked in with anava what can I learn from others I don't need to speak the first or speak the loudest how can I listen that's who mosha was and certainly it's who we aspire to be but says the ran there is a second type of anava and that is when it's not inherent it's not intrinsic and it's not natural but it's how we are behaving maybe a person is struggling internally they have an enormous ego inter internally they feel Superior holier than thou higher than thou greater than thou internally but nevertheless says the ran whatever you think whatever you feel inside when you walk in that room when you're in that conversation when you engage that relationship carry yourself with that quality of Ana and when you do when you begin every conversation every shabas table every table you walk into every boardroom you walk into every every interaction behaving behaving with humility then the result will be you will feel a healthy sense of shame or bashfulness mik now mik means what from the gador from the greatest rabbis from the most accomplished from the highest uh highest net worth people ran writes mam from a 10-year-old and a 5-year-old and a 100y old from a rich and a poor and a wise and a fool from a strong and a weak if you really are able to carry and practice a then a person will feel a sense of bashfulness and maybe even a healthy dose of of bua a healthy dose of Shame the ra cha that bu is one of the core and key qualities of chuva if a person has no shame they don't blush they don't recoil with a sense of Shame they did the wrong thing they could have behaved better they could have done more person should feel shame shame motivates not a debilitating shame not a shame which which paralyzes but a healthy shame that motivates that inspires that pushes us that that elevates us soam could be a kid who saw you could be an adult could be brilliant could be not so smart could be wealthy could be Indigent but to present ourselves from everybody doesn't matter the age or the socioeconomic status everybody from everybody to be to be bashful to demure to be have a healthy dose of shame to transform ourselves to be that way so even if internally a person says this kid a gazillion times smarter more righteous better but you know what reflexive that's how we carry ourselves and then if you walk around you think you're all that if you live with a healthy ego as we've said many times not our own or not original ego is an acronym for edging God out if it's your ego pushing you then you've pushed God out of the equation it's you or him there's not enough room in this world for both and if we want AEM in our lives we want to feel his presence his guiding hand his loving Embrace his wink his hug from above then we've got to work on shrinking our ego sublimating our ego surrendering and submitting our ego only then is there room forem so when a person is when we carry ourselves with this quality of then we will be transformed from to fear so I want to call to your attention we don't have any more time the great has a whole essay that's called the whole essay it's brilliant he has a whole essay about faith in because many of us believe in Hashem but our belief in Hashem is he's such a loving father and King and he wants us to succeed he doesn't really care the minua the details the mistakes the failures he overlooks it he looks around it doesn't register he doesn't really care so rites person has to have a inem person has to have Aon in themselves and a person has to live the healthy in faith that there's such a thing called hashm has expectations there's accountability there's responsibility there are consequences these are the days that we're facing those we're here to take responsibility and accountability because Hashem doesn't Overlook and ignore he loves us he loves us in our effort to take responsibility he supports us he loves us but person has to have person has to have faith and belief that there is such a concept and institution of accountability of responsibility of consequences I think it's the number one job of parents we live in the generation we used to be called helicopter parents who swoop in and save their children now they're called bulldozer parents they bulldoze anything that's in front of their children blocking them teachers rabbis employers everything they come in and bulldoze and I think parents are actually making an enormous mistake person has to teach their children they're consequent you into your homework I'm not I'm not reading a note not calling the teacher you're going to live with the consequence of showing up without having done your homework that's how children learn because that's how adults live and that's ultimately how we will be accountable to Hashem so to have that sense from and from we'll pick up with next time a good we should hear thank you for