Rabbi Dr Abraham Twerski On Love

love is a word that in our culture has almost lost its meaning now there's a very interesting story about the rebbe of kotzk who came across a young man who was clearly enjoying a dish of fish that he was eating and he said uh young man why are you eating that fish i think man says because i love fish he says oh you love the fish that's why you took it out of the water and killed it and boiled it he said don't tell me you love the fish you love yourself and because the fish tastes good to you therefore you took it out of the water and killed it and boiled it so much of what is love right is fish love right and so young couple falls in love young man young woman fallen in love what does that mean that means that he saw in this woman someone who he felt could provide him with all of his physical and emotional needs and she thought in this man somebody she feels that she can write that was love right but each one is looking out for their own needs it's not love for the other if the other person becomes a vehicle for for my gratification too much of what is called love is fish love right and external love is not on what i'm going to get but what i'm going to give we had an ethicist rabbi destler who said the people make a serious mistake in thinking that you give to those whom you love and the answer is the real answer is you love those to whom you give and his point is if i give something to you i've invested myself in you right and since self-love is a given everybody loves themselves now that part of me has become in you right there's part of me in you that i love right so true love is a love of giving not a love of receiving