The Privilege to Give (Ep. 163)

hi this is davidolowski and welcome to the rabbi olavsky show and whether you're watching with our friends at return anytime or wherever you watch or listen to your podcasts uh i'm still on spotify uh i said i'm not leaving until joe rogan does so i'm still there for those who don't appreciate the reference it really doesn't make any difference it's not important but i just like to be topical if at all possible so there you have it in any event uh wherever you are watching and listening to your podcast we are in spotify by the way uh that might get us thrown off of lucky radio i don't know but right now we're still on and on both of our forums or if you watch or listen to your podcast we're always happy to have you along and we're talking about the mishkan because nobody likes to talk about the michigan i think i mentioned this though uh mosher bainu says in pashas after raised me from your book and so hashem because of those words ends up erasing him from one parish of the torah which parashat the topic why parashat sava so some people give the answer because he wrote i share kosavta raised me from the book that you've written so it had to be the parsha before my answer is if you have to be uh raised from aparsh in the torah wouldn't you pick the topic nobody wants to learn it so that's what we're here we're here to conquer one of the three great fears that the average orthodox jew has the number one is of course feliciophobia which is the fear of becoming flakes the second one is benchophobia having to bench that's why people say do you want to wash because no no crackers off rice cake and the third is michiganophobia so that when it comes up to anything to deal with the michigan everyone's eyes glaze over [Laughter] and so i'm here to solve mishkanophobia that's why i'm here today to try to help you find meaning and everything that goes on with it vehiclytruma take from you for me yeah er donation but but it's really for you lee yeah take for me from you all right give me from you so uh you have to take it you have to take it it doesn't say vanasan says take it from from you you need the mishkan whether you realize it or not yeah when i was in los angeles i was uh baker there and we were learning and we were working in the yeshiva and doing different things and uh shaya cohen used to make a shoulder shoulders for all of the older single bachelor many teshmus and he would have to be mrs reza's you know because uh yeah this afternoon you're not exactly in yeshiva you're sort of working uh helping out doing different things kind of tired you know and he would mama should go and round us up so one time he says to us oh you're going he says you know it's not really a cover for me that i have to drag all of you people in to listen to me give a schmooze i really am not doing this for me i'm doing it for you now the tendency is to think we're doing him a favor with showing up no he was doing us a favor by speaking to us and he wanted to make that clear so a coach broker says if you could lee take it from you take it don't give it to me i don't i don't need take it which brings us to a absolutely fascinating small rashi in pasha's v yakiel moshe brandon gathers together all the people on the day after him kipper when he comes down he came down and jim kipper with the second luchos the next day he assembles the people the yakel pulls everyone together and he says okay we're going to build a mishkan here's what i need gold and silver and copper and wood and stones and then and uh takashkins and uh you know red red dyed rams gives the whole list and everybody goes out and everybody brings it to the point that most robino had to say please stop we have too much now i think that was probably the last building campaign in history where that happened because i know there are certain shows when you're born as soon as you join the shul you have to pay three building funds the building that they built in the 1960s the one that they refurbished in 1980s and the new one that they built in the 2000s yeah and you have to pay all those building funds now you think by now they would have paid it off yeah you're joining you have to pay all the building funds from all the times yeah so uh but this time it was like too much stop ready stop i have too much ganug how much how much gold can i handle over here is enough we got plenty and then they talk about everything that's going on and suddenly it says and then the cm brought the and the cm is written so that it's possible to read it as nos um that they didn't bring it they just schlepped it now the cm is also a word for clouds because it says the anania covered dropped the jewels came down from the clouds and then they see him just pick them up and carry them so um nothing to see him not some yeah so what's the significance they lose a letter from their name i remember when i was learning in the next show 1975 how it's kind so with moshe che he said it can be a terrible busha to lose a letter from your name at the time gerald ford was president united states so you imagine leave out a letter and instead you call him president ferd yeah so it's one of those little yiddish jokes there yeah but uh but we take the seam and we turn them into nos um which is a nice way of saying schleppers yeah does that mean exactly so let's get the chronology chronology is always important most romero comes down on yem kippur with uh luchos the next day he assembles the people this is jude aleph and he says okay here's all the stuff we need the people bring it over the next three days moshe says stop and the next day they start construction let's start the construction and by the way that would be circus and says the vulneran circus the gemara argues whether the sukkos are because of the little structures that they made to live in in the midbar or whether it's referring specifically to the anonymous cover in which case what would be the significance so he says says the village as soon as they started building the mishkan the anonymous covert came back so it's celebrating the return of the anonymous coven in any event they worked diligently as the khazal say moshe banu speaks about this as reasons moshe bainu was praised for the fact that he moved things along very quickly and efficiently as the melech when he was building the base of mikdash and the mishka was finished in record time they started on sukis and they finished on the 25th of kiss slave which one day of course would become hanukkah because when they finished the mishkan uh one could argue they should have put it up right away and in fact many of the yidden did want to do that so that they would get the um full kapoor of what they were waiting for and uh he says no no we have to wait until this nissan that's time to put it up yeah the creation of the world and the creation of this small world will mirror each other so much like it's really hasn't been sure whether the world was created nissan or underscore whatever happens each one of them agrees something happened on these days so the mishkan was going to go up and rush nissan and so hanukkah would one day get its own holiday yeah no one gets forgotten but they did this in record time from sukis till hanukkah is 70 days in 70 days they had it all done and uh and they wanted to put it up and moshe says no no we're not putting it up yet you have to wait so finally comes the last week of ada and mosher says now we practice put it up take it down put it up take it down put it up and take it down and on the eighth day says rashi yomashimini they put it up for good uh i should say they put it up for real you know for for good would imply it never moved but they kept taking it apart moving it but fine they put it up that it was going to stay and uh and then the same show up on that day and they say we want to give wagons and oxen to pull them in order to carry everything with the mishka so he says well i i wasn't instructed by a kurdish parachute they're like check with them hashem says take them and then they come and they say we would like to bring special carbon ice to dedicate the miz bayach this is well what what kind of cabanas well slum and olos okay anyone can bring a shelam and ola right and ola is a burnt offering it gets completely burnt on the mizbeh that's why when you make aliyah they call you an ola because you're completely consumed yeah a shlomim is a peace offering because from shalom because everybody gets a piece the cohen gets a piece the miss bear gets a piece you get a piece here anyone could bring those and we want to bring karma katas so you can't just bring coverage wait and we also want to bring um uh taurus incense you can't bring incense and if you do bring incense it has to be brought on the inside miz bayak the golden miss bear inside the base of inside the mishkan you can't put it on the outside miss bear he said and we're gonna bring flour and oil and we're gonna bring caleb and so uh so moshe's like you can't do these things and he's they said check with the coach parkour and he says yeah and every single day a different nursing first one of course was nakshan aminodav from yehuda and every day a different shavit the nussey of that shave it would bring special cobon ice in order to dedicate the mizbeh how could you bring tourists how are you allowed to bring us how are you allowed to do these things and he answers it was an emergency emergency what was the emergency exactly because when it came to building the mishkan the nasim said listen we're in charge you let all the people give what they're gonna give and uh we'll make up the difference i got a blank check over here i'll cover whatever let everybody give whatever they're gonna give and we'll come in well don't worry don't worry moshe we got you back we'll fill in whatever's left and when the process was done there was nothing to give they were totally left out of the process so kojima who let the clouds drop the jewels that they needed so that the people could bring the jewels and this way the museum would have something to do but all they were with nauseam all they were were schleppers that's not what a leader is supposed to be a leader is supposed to lead i had a poster when i ran and sees why someone got me that said lead follow or get out of the way a leader is supposed to lead that's their job the naseem are supposed to lead they're supposed to be in the front what do you mean you want to wait and see what's left and we'll help you out i'll give you a sit back i knew shawl there was a very wealthy person and he he was basically sponsoring the show and he used to tell them every year if there's a shortfall let me know and i'll cover the the budget so this one guy in the show refused to give any money he says i'm not coming into the show i'm giving it to this guy he could afford it whatever i don't give he's going to pay so well he needs my money he doesn't need my money he's doing very fine that's interesting interesting concept but um the uh then the see him felt like we'll help you out as opposed to understanding that we have a scores [Music] i one time was not officially but i had a sense of acharyas we had made a maya of minion the maya minion was made in the summer when it was in the middle of a heat wave and the main minion dive in someplace where there was no air conditioning and we had another small shull that did have air conditioning and i was one of the people who pushed for let's dive into the show it's we have air conditioning as opposed to going outside and getting heat stroke what's the point so we started this minion at a different time and and then we moved into the winter and it became harder to get a minion and be certain people would show up right on time it was an 8 45 minion 844 certain people were sitting there waiting and there were other people if you called them up they would come up now you mean that you understand that means that they didn't die matter now if you called them they would come they'll do you a favor i i've seen this to be true i don't know if there's a mccarthur or not but i've seen it to be true that there's a special mitzvah to be among the asari shown and i've been up in yanim we have eight people nine people and you're fetching and fetching to get those last one or two people and as soon as you have a minion and you start ashrae or three more people walking through the door as if they're not zaika to be part of the on them why because they didn't want to be there because if you want to be there you're the first one there you want to participate you don't want to miss out i'll give you an example there was a very popular movie came out i think 1977 it was called star wars it was considered a big step forward the technology at the time was you know spielberg and lucas got together it was ah it was a big hit big hit and um they came up with a sequel the sequel was the empire strike spike and this was also considered groundbreaking because did they have a happy ending it ended with everything bad and then the third movie was basically the first movie again because if they broke why fix it you know i mean and you know the first movie they have to blow up the death star in the third movie they have to blow up the tesla again and do such a good job the first time you know okay but uh that was it it was fine so then george lucas without steven spielberg decided to make three prequels uh there are many people who aren't even garage them that was so terrible i don't know i saw the first one in 1977 i was a kid you know but uh um a friend of mine who was a trekkie as it happens dragged me to a place in manhattan says you have to watch this you know they had no advertising at the beginning yeah it was you just had to know that it was in the classroom yeah anyway so um uh so i came up with these three prequels i had a friend who was a trekkie he dragged me to the original star wars a theater manhattan and and star wars was all word of mouth they hadn't advertised he says you have to see this this is groundbreaking is that fine i was a kid yeah and i was always easily bullied how's that i lived in l.a i was on a date in disneyland this girl said you want to go to disneyland and i hate i hate roller coasters i cannot handle them i i i i've read later in scientific america that people with add can't handle roller coasters because they're always on a roller coaster so a friend of mine had taken me there when i first came to la he says oh this new thing opened it's called space mountain so uh i figured it's like a you know trip to mars i went to disneyland in 1968 with my family when it just opened you know had this thing tripped tomorrow as you sit in the chair the chair moves around a little bit they show you how to show you a film you know i face something like that yeah so it was a rainy january weekday i just got in there and he's literally pulling me by the arm and we're going through and i passing signs pregnant women don't go on this ride i was like what did that say nothing nothing keep going you know this is people with bad hearts shouldn't take this ride i said well what is that what's that no way you know anyway we get in sit down i said this is a roller coaster he says oh it's the greatest thing because it's not just that it goes uh a hundred miles an hour backwards it does it in the dark i was like i just held on and i said hashem please get me through this alive i won't do this again please anyway so i'm on a date and she's like uh you know oh let's go on space mountain i was like i really don't like to go on roller coasters because why are you afraid you're afraid she said i was not afraid i just anyway it was a longer line we're passing the signs you know people with hearts people swearing i was like i really don't want to do this because oh you're if you're too afraid are you too afraid you know finally i passed a sign that says last chance to exit i said they really don't want to do this and she says all right if you're afraid i said i'm terrified but the fact that i was bullied all the way up until that point says a lot about me who i was anyway so uh so these prequels came out you know and um i happen to be speaking in los angeles the person i was speaking about he says come you must see something now the in the movies premiered in a place called grumman's chinese theater this is a iconic movie theater in los angeles yeah for decades stars put their hand prints in the cement outside and signed their name it's like a it's like a big deal yeah he says you have to see this there's a line of people camped out on hollywood boulevard this is before they had the homeless problems and these people weren't weren't homeless they chose to live in a tent on the street for weeks so they could be the first people to go online and get the tickets to see the um star wars prequel us [Laughter] why because they wanted to be the first because they were excited because it was so important to them that was their attitude lahav deal gonna see him they're not gonna camp out on hollywood boulevard i'm gonna sit in their tents and they say listen give me a call when you need me now come in how much you need no problem i'll cover the rest don't worry you're you're you've got you we got your back you'll be fine yeah you see these matching funds campaigns i i never understood it person's like uh we will match all the money that you give it's very popular but why why don't you just give the money so they say well it's an incentive this way a person feels like every dollar that he gives he's really giving doubly okay but don't you want to get what happens if no one needs your money what if they raise all the money they need you don't get to give any okay so i've never seen a jewish organization yet that won't take your money if you really ask them nicely [Laughter] but uh but the idea is why don't you want to be first so the same turned around and they were like what happened what do you mean you don't need us the coach brother dropped the the the gems from the sky says hey you can bring this it's like oh okay well we brought the gems thank you very much thank you it came from the clouds you picked it up and very nice and there was a very important lesson there the lesson is maybe we're the ones who missed out maybe we're the ones who didn't have the opportunity we think that you know we're doing everybody a big favor and suddenly you realize no we don't need you we don't need you you're you you have a chance to participate you have an honor to participate so when they went to put up the mishkan then it seems that okay we learned our lesson we're going to go first we're going to bring the first kobanos each one of us is going to represent our shavit is a fascinating or a kai makadesh that goes through every nussie brought the same thing but he says each one brought it with different cavones each one brought it on behalf of their shavette to represent what it was that they wanted to give but they said okay you know how's the expression go the way you make good decisions is from experience and the way you get experiences by making bad decisions so they learned from their experience and they said not this time this time we go first and we're not going to just bring a carbon we're going to bring a little of everything and each thing is going to have deep meaning but we're going to give everything that is possible to give why because we're going to show that we want this course of being able to participate and how many times do people look at a situation and think you know uh you know fine you know because i'll say it we all know it and i and i assume we all believe it stucco saves you from death my brother went to scheinberg once he wanted to brought him for parnosa he says uh he says there's only one thing give it to dhaka give staka that coach or send you bracha that's where it comes from stuck is life suckers all these wonderful things so when you see an une do you feel like oh my goodness what a wonderful opportunity this is we like oh my gosh another one [Laughter] okay human nature human nature i'm not i'm not you know i'm not trying to be flippant about this all of us have a a situation where we're less than eager to part with our money and part with our things yeah that's just that's human nature i'm not i'm not uh denying it but you understand that when that happens if we really believed it we would jump at the chance i heard a story i don't know if it's true but i'm not pissed of crone i thought i wouldn't get that one in would you yeah this i know for a fact behind chrisworth was very involved in in hypnosis kala and everybody knew and when he would come to excel there would be xiaomi's out the door because they knew that he would help you make you and do whatever he could to help you and the story goes is the way i heard the story is that his daughter was sick and he went to the stipela and the stapler said to him and said the stipela what separates biker column from becoming hawaii's amaze no that's what that's what the stapler told him and he got involved and his daughter got better so do we do we sense it's an opportunity or okay if they need me i'll help out are we are we jumping to be involved the mishkan if you understood what the mishkan was for us as a jewish people it's a schools for us to be able to participate so of course today we have a mikdash mat we have party canesias there were times where it was con considered as course for the women to wash the steps of the shore to to to clean the shawl what a wonderful opportunity in kelm they used to auction off the right to sweep the base measures auction it off i walk into bhati midrashim today and to baltic nacios that have people learning there okay i'm old i'm old my son always says to me you know abba you don't get it and it's true i don't get it i it's true i'm old and i'm cranky and i have a different standard than most people uh young people today but i'm old i remember when they used to be jewish music that's how old i am yeah so um you walk into the shawl swarm all over the place no one bothers to put back a safe coffee cups dirty tissues you come in the morning oven go in the back room yeah cake crumbs all over the place no one bothered putting the milk back in you know someone made themselves a coffee and the coffee spilled on the table no one bothered cleaning it up that's our miktash mahat so somebody will take care of it i'm sure somebody will when i was running ncsy i was doing a shabbaton and uh it was a school where even though the minigame client show is that they have to do hagba so someone holds the safety toru holds it close to them there are those shoes that have this little stand they stick the eurodice into these two holes and it stands there i remember uh ratman who today is the rosh yeshiva mecca satire was there and he was fuming and he said to me i'm going to go up and take the seyfatora and hold it because that's what you're supposed to do how could you just take a safety turret stick it over there nobody wants to hold the safety torah it's not as close to hold to say for torah i convinced him not to because i didn't want to make a big fight but you know the uh uh the sense of covite that we see when we talk about the shawl we have to look at it as a course and an opportunity to be able to participate so when we have an opportunity to help make the minion um build the shule keep things clean be don't wait and see what needs to be done after they're done you should be the one who jumps up and does it listen if you can't you can't can't you can he told me once that he had a meeting with a very wealthy person and he gave him a a small check and he said to him i once met a very very poor old man he had didn't have money to to pay his bills and he said but rabbi i want to help you and he wrote me a check for 18 and i put it in my pocket right next to my heart of course i knew what went into that check he looks at this rich guy and says i'm going to put you a check right there too [Laughter] yeah not everybody's safe sometimes when i give somebody a ride you know at the end they say tischel and mitchus i say isn't that the greatest brock in the world i should be to do mithras we should resign to build the mishkan we should resize it to be able to build the school to be able to make a mukham toyota to participate in it let's not miss out on that opportunity okay and now we come to the question and answer section of our program daphile friedman asks if a boy is learning well by himself from an article mishnais with translation is it good or is it better to get a habusa okay one of the asario harugue malchus was now in the time of the mishnah amiturgaman even in the time of the gemara mataukaman was somebody who was basically a human microphone the rev would say this year and this guy would repeat it yeah 75-76 i'm trying number one this this show came on uh called saturday night live and they used to do the news and they say now the news for the hearing impaired they had a little window there and i would say uh today in the news and the guy would go today in the news the developing story the developing story that wasn't the togamine the bazooka man would scream it out so everyone could hear it but the mature government basically is saying yeah the punitive rev spoke for about five minutes and yiddish and a lot of people didn't understand yiddish and so the ref got up and smoked for 20 minutes and the punditry ruff says i didn't realize i said so much it must be more words in english for some of turkmen means that a translation is by definition a little bit of a chutzpah because i'm giving my own twist on it i may have mentioned this once upon a time my brother-in-law david lichman he referred to the targum uncles as a rendering that's a much better word than translation because it's not a translation it's a parish and that's why rashi will often quote the targum as a parish because every translation is by definition a commentary and that's why matugaman if he adds his own words it's by uh definition a bit of a chutzpah because that's not what i said so the beauty of art school whether it's an art school sitter or an art school mishnahis or an arts row um gemara is it an aid some people would say a crutch and i think that's okay because the person who has trouble walking definitely should have crutches better than falling down but it's not the same as being able to do it on your own you can't appreciate something unless you're seeing it in the original and everyone who's learned gemara or even a mishna you know that there's so many different possible ways of understanding it so the translation by definition is limiting it and that's why uh it says that when they translated the torah into greek it was as terrible as the day the luchas were broken jeremiah thomas because the greek couldn't hold it so much in chapel explained once what that means he says look the first glucose were made by hashem so the torah is infinite and it could hold an infinite torah the second luchos were made by moshe and they were not infinite they were man-made and they couldn't hold everything so the torah was shrunk when you translate the torah into greek you're giving it a rendering into a different language there's no way to capture what's there in the original so it is always better to learn something in the original that's for sure as an aide wonderful thing if you need it it's a wonderful thing but that should never be the end goal the gemara stresses the importance of learning now if i'm learning a translation of the mishnah and i understand what's written there in the english do i need for us to read it together when you read a real mishta in the original when you learn a piece of the original a cabrusa looks at it a different way than you do it opens up new understandings different ways to do it i had a carusa when i was uh one point and we would learn at night and i remember we were in the middle of texas and we were really trying to figure out shot and i go i have shot and i launched into a very impassioned explanation and he nodded along at the end he said to me you convinced me did you convince yourself i said no assistant let's look at it again [Laughter] i didn't know that i was so transparent because i really thought that i had brought up the right amount of fervor but um uh so there's a tremendous advantage when you're living with somebody else so if i'm reading it i.e do i need a cabrusa to read uh an english book i told her english book stamina yeah so if i'm just reading it through in the english do i need a caboose for that not necessarily but you have to know that cannot be the end result i said this once and somebody came over to me and they said what do you mean i finished shots two times with the artist girl gomaris i said very good but you understand that's not called learning gemara and don't get me wrong sometimes it's a negative tone i wanna i wanna look it up because i'm not familiar with the words my conversational aramaic isn't up to scratch and i just look it up and you just keep turning pages because it's so user-friendly you know armored base and you just keep turning you notice that turning you know and there were charts i made up a whole chart once in da fiomi and all the oscar people laughed at me at the end they said it's right here [Laughter] they have charts they have pictures yeah pop-ups you know mazes can you help them rock them find their way back there it's really outside okay it's useful it is when i was growing up we only had the sansino very few words were actually in english most of them were in latin or greek a fiore reasoning ipso facto e pluribus unum i don't know [Laughter] somebody said once i i had the sunset translation it was easier to learn how to make [Laughter] so art school is so user-friendly that's 100 true it can never be the end result it's a it's a it's a tool it's a means but that shouldn't be what your uh end goal is so if you're just reading the english i don't know if you did a caruse of that but should that be the end goal i don't think so anonymous asks why do we say hashem and hashem help me and malach isaiah he is much more than just oyster yeah so says you say inch monastery he says those are four levels of if you have a certain amount of trust in hashem he'll be like a king who has an overall supervision of his kingdom to make sure that for the most part his citizens are being taken care of and he will do a general hashgaacher on you if you have more beethoven i say he'll actually help you he'll help you and people who don't appreciate that they need hashem's help the old expression goes needs the most help of all as the gamora says about a character who might be barkhoffman [Laughter] that's discussion but uh when the battle is about to begin he says that don't help me just don't hurt me and uh they found him at the end of the battle he got bitten by a snake you need hashgraph just to get through the day you know hashem's help just to get out of bed in the morning not to get hit by a truck you have no idea how many times the kurdish baruch was looking out for you and protecting you says that that even when there's hest upon him still keeps his hand over us to protect us so any person who thinks they can make it in this world without hashem's help is being foolish not to acknowledge that moshiah means what he saves you he saves you sometimes i don't need help sometimes i need actual salvation yeah you gotta you gotta save me here i i i know what to do and then if you have enough he's mugging what does that mean that means even if you do things that are against your own best interest you make seriously bad mistakes because baruch will shield you from the results example morgan avraham avraham allowed himself to be thrown into a kimchi naish a fiery furnace rather than deny hashem oh as a rule you should never go into a fiery furnace it's very hot you can get killed yeah as the late jackie mason once said be careful driving home because i heard that there's a person who was hit by a car every three minutes i don't know who this person is but one day he's going to get himself killed so sometimes you don't go into a kitchen get yourself killed and hashem was mugging he protected him from it so those are the different levels but is hashem much more than that of course that's why the gemara says hakhel he just gives a whole bunch of list of of descriptions when he's done so the umura says tim that's it you covered everything now now you describe the kurdish powerful the only reason we say goddard arose because moshe romano said it otherwise we wouldn't say that either and that's why the way shmona estrella goes and amir's hashem after pesach when we start our our tafila series hashem um we'll uh we'll be going over lines so we understand them we say hakeel hagadol hagibor vahanov kelyon and he's above all of these praises of course hashem is above anything that we could understand this is the world and we describe how we understand hashem in this little place called the world and then there's our hashem and his essence and that's why we say atar khadosh you are holy in your essence the name of hashem that he used to create this world which is all that we understand we know that that's holy but but but hashem big k kadosh hashem infinite with a capital i we can't really grasp that it's beyond us so yeah he's much more than that but everything that hashem does for us we have to recognize it's the famous brussels schmooze rocco he may know is crying she wants a child if i don't have a child i'm dead what's my point in my life and then finally she has a son and she says ah hashem it says rashi now when anything breaks i got someone to blame it on so say the bali muslim that's what you wanted a kid for somebody to blame things on he says no even that even that rested did for me all right one more anonymous asks what do you think about the delayed onset of maturity nowadays why is it and what could be done about it how can we help our children mature the first thing that we can do is set an example i always say that kids nowadays are at a disadvantage because they've never seen an adult they've only seen my generation we never grew up you know it's it's uh there's a book called dave barry turns and he has a line there where he's he's a humorist he used to write for the uh miami herald here's a line there where he writes now that you're 40 you begin to realize you have more in common with ward and june than the beaver now for those who don't appreciate the obscure reference there was a television show called leave it to beaver about an eight-year-old boy his parents were called ward and june at the age of 40 i have to begin to understand that i'm not an eight-year-old boy but until then it was yeah hearing aids show a young couple gets married and one job is to go to the this parent the other one they go to the other parent and they go back and forth so someone said to me until when i said until their kids get married and they want to come to them so now they have to first make showers otherwise they just schlep back and forth you know they never make shabbos why should they you know go someplace else to be able to feel a sense of responsibility it's not something you don't see today but it's it's the whole door you know when the car bombing went off in beirut ronald reagan who was the last adult president got on television and said i'm the president states the buck stops here i'm responsible for this and i will take all the blame when bill clinton lied under oath which is a felony his defense was it's not my fault they shouldn't have asked me the question instead if they hadn't asked me the question then i wouldn't have lied so that's where we are nothing's my fault maturity means to take responsibility for who you are and what you've done and today how do we how do we help our children be adults so first of all remember you're fighting the whole world fighting off society first thing is kids should have chores from the time that they're very young and you find there's always one parent who feels like now what do i want to give them stuff to do why do they have to do things that i grew up of course i had chores both my parents worked and was understood today you could see kids sitting on the couch and the cleaning lady is like could you lift your legs so i could vacuum under you and they're like okay [Music] could you take out the garbage it's like i'm a slave around here it's our fault because we didn't give kids responsibility you know every kid should have chores when they're little it might be something simple but the very fact that like kids throw all their toys around and then the parents clean it up a kid doesn't even learn to put his own toys away or to to pick his clothes up off the floor you see kids walk in they drop their bag they drop their code drop it on the floor and they run off and do whatever and the mother picks it up or the cleaning lady picks it up or somebody else cleans up so if you don't give a person responsibility and and understand you're not doing them any favors because then they grow into adults who get married and expect everybody to do everything for them so you have the wife who thinks my husband should be doing everything the husband thinks my wife should be doing everything and the two of them are staying there snickering at each other you know because nobody learned to take responsibility get up and do it everybody should learn how to cook regardless of uh gender identity how much you want to cook everyone should learn how to sweep i always learn how to do dishes these are not like really highly trained uh skills no one's asking you to become an assassin for the most learn how to take a sense of responsibility and when we were cleaning for pesach my kids many of them still have some fun memories because we would turn over the kitchen so we'd all put on our junkies clothes and we would bleach you know before we would do everything we would bleach all of the counters and all the cabinets etc and then everyone knew i would do the sponge some of my kids even volunteered but i would do a sponge i'd have a bucket with a detergent and bleach and i'd get down on my hands and knees and do every part of it myself to make sure i got in every corner and everything and now that was pesach the final big sponge that's when you knew that you know we were pacific yeah and then the next day you know i'd always have some kid you know holding the boiling hot kettle as i'm going around with the burning hot rock the kasha the counters before i cover them to which somebody asked me if you capture them why do you cover them i said i don't know if i did such a car-sharing job that was so good he said well then if you cover them why do you caution it i said i don't know if i did such a good recovery job but there's nothing like boiling water steaming falling all over the place you know i always have somebody who's dropping his afterwards to like wipe up you know by the by the drawers where it would drip into it on the you know things and and that was after the big sponges and then we had the post you know so yeah i had i had kids who would jump in and help yeah it was very exciting and when people have chores they feel good about themselves they feel like they're giving and not just taking and most people want to be givers so one of the best things that you can do is to give them responsibilities give them things to do because they feel better about themselves that way and i remember one of my brothers just got his license he was kind of nervous my father had a store in downtown brooklyn and he had to send out some deliveries there's a florist and he says uh to my brother he goes you got your license and he tosses him the key to his car he says take a take a kid with you you know and uh you know here's the route you know deliver these flowers and my brother just had his license he's gonna drive in brooklyn he was white he was shaking as he walked out the door my father turned back to the counter you know he was cutting the flowers you know and after my brother left i was in the store he turns around and goes oh god i hope he'll be okay but he wants to teach him to take responsibility at some point you got to stand up and you know do what you got to do okay so that's it for this episode if you want to find out more about the show you can go to my website rebellowski.com you can leave a comment you could sponsor an episode you could still sign up for that fila series or any of my other online shirum you could uh listen to any of our music you could listen to other shiram that i have up on the website that is not part of the podcast and that's it this is david olavsky and this has been the robert aloufsky show it's the rabbi orlovsky show and simba ready to go the rabbi orlovsky show knowledge and wisdom will help you grow lots of fun in every episode and we don't have to rhyme it's the rabbi orlovsky show on rabbi orlovsky.com torah anytime you two and more it's rabbi orlowski show torah and simply ready to go it's the rabbi orlovsky show till next time till we meet again throughout my orolowski show it's the rabbi yolowski show it's the rabbi orlowski [Music]