The Good Things We Do (Ep. 180)

Hi, this is Rabbi Alansky and welcome to the Rabbi Alansky Show. Whether you watch with your friends over at Eternity Time or if you watch or listen to your podcast, as always, happy to have you along. And this episode is sponsored anonymously as this goes for the donors, uh good friends of the show and they should have only simcha and and nachas from their children and grandchildren and uh and gesundin parnassa alle gute Sachen. Okay, so uh we are officially in bein hazmanim now. And this is time for vacation. Some people refer to it as chofesh. Right? Vacation. Uh I had a friend of mine learning in the old days in Yeshiva Mishkan HaTorah, which was known on the street as Split Tree. And Itri, under Rebbi Elefant, was one of the major Yeshivas in Eretz Yisrael and they tend to suck up everybody, all the talent, all the people. And uh you can only have that many uh talented people in one place. So eventually a group of them broke off and started their own Yeshiva called the Mishkan HaTorah. It was known as Split Tree. Eventually one of them went off and started another Yeshiva which they called Split Three. But that's for another story. Anyway, he was learning and he said uh it was almost bein hazmanim. It was the end of the zman. And everybody was looking forward to uh people had tickets to Europe, people had different things they were going to do. And Reb Sholom Shach came to speak. This is how he describes it. He says, and he looks at us and he goes, "Chofesh? Ma zeh chofesh? Yidden aleh Freedom? Hurl it all? Yeah? That There's no such a thing. And he pushed everyone to stay for an extra week in the Yeshiva. People canceled tickets, people did a whole thing. Yeah? So, Look, you have to understand what it means. It means when we say "chofesh". The Torah describes which represents the shabbos of learning Torah as a strong-boned donkey who rests with the burden on his back and is able to get back up. What does that mean? It means even when we're resting, we have the burden on our back. So, chofesh It's not nothing. No Nothing There's no tzur. There's no davening. There's no We have to keep it up. A Yeshiva bachur once wrote the Chazon Ish and says, "You know, in this manum, how much do I have to learn?" So, the Chazon Ish says, "Well, you know, in this manum, you're not a Yeshiva man now. You're on vacation. You're like a baal habbos." So, the Rambam says that a baal habbos works 3 hours a day and learns 9 hours a day. So, you only have to learn 9 hours. So, he wrote him back, "I don't learn that during the zman." Chofesh! So, when we talk about vacation, yeah? We're talking about everybody needs a chance to rest and to recharge. Sometimes you just have to. And uh the way the Yeshivas were set up is that there's a certain amount of time built in throughout the year for us to take out that time and to recharge and to and to relax. Remember I had a sheer once. Uh really really exceptional guys. And they were all bright and highly motivated, you know. So uh so we had a uh a vacation for Hanukkah. And they came back. I said, "So what did you do? You know, you had a vacation. What did you do?" He says, "Oh, I had a chance to listen to all the Victor Miller tapes I had saved up waiting for a chance to listen to them." Uh some people know how to have a good time. Anyway, so uh uh you know, yeah, there's there's there's a certain amount of time that we need to be down and to be able to relax. It's also family time. Yeah. Um uh Or Sameach had an advanced Kolel once upon a time called Meshech Chochmah. Which is all part of Or Sameach's philosophy, which is making fun of baalei teshuvah. So it wasn't bad enough to get Or Sameach, which nobody could pronounce. Now it's Meshech Chochmah. I have no question they took those names because they just wanted to make fun of baalei teshuvah. Aish HaTorah decided the Torah was too hard cuz everyone was going Aish HaTorah, you know? So they just changed it to Aish. You know, that was too that was too hard for people. Meshech Chochmah. Anyway, that's not the real reason. to ask this "Why?" And he said, "Because Reb Meir Simcha of Dvinsk didn't have any children." So, we decided when we made the Yeshiva, we would name it Or Sameach, which of course was his parish on the Rambam. And when they made this uh uh uh Vance Kollel, so they called Mishnah Chokhmah based on uh Reb Meir Simcha's parish on the Torah. But, uh you know, you have to think sometimes. Um Uh people pick names that aren't always aware uh of the significance of what could be uh the meaning of it. When Bernie Madoff was exposed for his uh Ponzi scheme, my brother said to me, "What do you expect from a guy whose name is Madoff?" "Didn't you realize he was made off with all your money?" So, sometimes names, you know, you don't realize significance of it. Um I still think it's very strange that uh when Degel HaTorah started their newspaper, they called it the Yated Ne'eman. Because the pasuk in the Torah says that you should always carry a yated with you when you go out to battle among your tools to use it to dig a hole so when you have to go to the bathroom. And so, this is the yated. I thought anyone ever think about that, you know? Uh when the chevra Was it the chevra or the uh Yeshiva Boys Choir? It was one of those two, you know. They had a song that had a pasuk that had the words Pesach Pasuach. Now, anyone who's ever learned learned Daf Yomi Wing Suvas now, you know, and who's ever heard the words Pesach Pasuach know what it means, you know, in a in a Gemara context. If you don't know, don't worry. Just skip this part. Uh, so they have a whole bunch of people singing Pesach Pesach. You have to have a little sense of sensitivity, in my opinion, you know? Um, there was a comedian, an American comedian, who was working for Americans here in Israel. It's a pretty small small uh, area here. I don't know if he ever went on to become much of a success. He had a real limited audience, you know? It's like becoming a comedian that only, you know, works for electricians. But anyway, um, so he says, "I can stop Aliyah right now." He says, "Just pass a law that every boy has to be named Dudi and every girl has to be named Osnat." Now, these are names that nobody even thinks about it, you know? Um, there was a uh, the street with a the famous Central Hotel, always was. Um, it's Rechov, in English, Pines. But that's not the way the Israelis pronounce it, and they have no idea what they're saying. As, you know, you hear certain words. People people don't realize what they're saying, yeah? A bakery is a mafia. And uh, I saw somebody uh, in the supermarket. It was the Supersol uh, near the Plaza Hotel. And uh, there was some American woman there, and someone said to him, "Eifo mafia?" She goes, "The mafia? I don't I don't know what the mafia is. What is THE MAFIA HERE?" YEAH, PEOPLE DON'T DON'T always appreciate, you know, you hear certain words, certain ideas, what goes into it, you know? So, um this is a time when we need to relax. We need to to recharge, put ourselves back together. That's That's what this time is is supposed to be used for people who are who working, obviously. You're sitting and learning, really striking. So, uh I mentioned this because uh I was talking to somebody in Mesivta Chokhmah, um about uh the kollel. And uh I was asking him some questions. I was on the phone maybe 15 minutes, and he says, "I'm sorry, I have to hang up the phone." I said, "Oh, okay." He says, "My wife says you're not I'm not allowed to spend any time with anyone except the family during this time." Because they had a very long schedule. When you learn to Mesivta Chokhmah, you had to put in three sedarim. And so, uh you learned at night. So, the only time he really had to see his family was during bein hazmanim. So, uh so this is This is an opportunity not only for us to recharge, but for us to spend time with our family. Now, if you're a yeshiva bochur, it means you come home, you're able to spend time with your family. If you're in learning, it gives you a chance to spend time with the family. And in general, the summertime, uh people tend to take what we call vacations. I don't want to call it chofesh. Yiddishe einam chofesh. I want a vacation. Time to unwind and a time to spend quality time with the family. So, I want to tell you two stories. Story number one was a friend of mine who was a Rosh Yeshiva, uh he came from New York. And uh um he moved his family to an out-of-town community, where he did not feel that the local girls were maintaining the same standards that he wanted for his daughter. But those are the only people there, so of course that's who she associated with. Those were her friends. And every now and then she'd say, "Ta, the girls are going here." And he says, "Uh we don't do that in our family." He says, "Ta, the girls want to do whatever it is." He goes, "We don't do that in our family." And after about three or four times, she looked at him and said, "What do we do in our family?" He told me over the story and he said, "And I realized I don't know what we do in our family. I only know what we don't do in our family." I was talking to a girl who was in seminary and she said to me, "I'm not happy." "I'm not happy. You know?" And she says, "And I was always a good girl. I never went anyplace I wasn't supposed to go. I didn't do anything I wasn't supposed to do. I wasn't associating with anybody. You know, I did everything I was supposed to do." I said, "Well, you're giving me a whole list of the things you didn't do. What did you do? Didn't you do something?" "No. Because my goal was to stay out of trouble. Keep your head down." Um I was speaking to a fellow I know who sent his daughter to what's considered the best high school in Jerusalem. And he says, "I'll tell you what it's like." He says to me, "This school." He says, um I uh I was I went to dental school. And uh they bring in people basically who are coming to the dental clinic to get work done cuz they can't afford anyplace else. And so we practice on these people. So obviously, you look for the easy case cuz you'll get a good mark. So, you look for someone who just needs a cavity or just needs this or needs that, but you're not looking for a complicated case. And after a few months, I said, "I'm not learning how to become a dentist. I'm just uh I'm just uh you know, trying to pass." So, the next time he took the hardest case and he tried his best and he did a poor job and he got a bad mark. And I had a program called the men and said to him, "What are you doing?" He says, "I'm trying to become a dentist." He says, "Your job here is to get good marks and graduate without anyone ever knowing who you are. That's the goal. Not interested in hearing any exceptional things about you." He looked at me and said, "That's the high school my daughter goes to. Just do what you're just supposed to do and keep your head down." The girl says, "I'm not happy." Of course you're not happy. You don't have anything. The Mesillas Yesharim is based on a braisa of Pinchas ben Yair of which there are a number of versions. He has a particular version of the braisa. Torah mevi'ah lidei z'hirut, z'hirut mevi'ah lidei zerizut, zerizut mevi'ah lidei neki'ut and it continues. And he says a number of times that the seder is the dafka. You have to follow the seder of the Mesillas Yesharim. It's set up for a reason. So, what's z'hirut? Z'hirut is stopping to think before you do anything. Should I do this or not? And he calls that sur mera. Don't do anything wrong. He says, "But you can't be a Jew just by not doing anything wrong. You have to do something good. And as much as the yetzer hara wants to get you to do something bad. He wants to stop you from doing something good. Zrizus is doing something good. It's the SA tov. It's filling yourself with an excitement and a love for Hakadosh Baruch. Is that enough to say, "I'm shomer mitzvah. I didn't do anything wrong." But what did you do good? What did you do right? This is one of the big problems when we make a cheshbon hanefesh. When people make a cheshbon hanefesh, they go over all the things they did wrong. But we don't go over all the things we did right. And Rashi says, "Every good thing you do is worth 500 times a bad thing that you do." And you don't even realize all the good things that you do because you don't pay attention to them. My father, alav hashalom, a Polish Yid, he used to say to me, says, "My job as a parent is to tell you when you're doing something wrong. When you do something right, I expect it." So he could never say a word of praise. He just couldn't. I remember he only had a couple of months left to live and I had started my career as a public speaker. And I said to him, "Dad, I spoke over here to 200 people. I spoke over here to 300 people. I'm going to be speaking at the Javits Center to 1,000 people, you know." He said to me, "Doesn't the Torah say you're not supposed to brag?" I said, "Dad, I'm doing this for you. I'm so impressed with myself I couldn't be any more impressed. But I thought you might get some nachas." And he goes, "Yeah, whatever." So afterwards he called up everybody, "Yeah, David's speaking over here. He's speaking over here." He's doing But he couldn't say a good word to me. He just couldn't. Yeah. So So we don't celebrate the good things we do. Our job is to point out when we do something wrong and that's what people are there for. I just heard this story yesterday about Hillel Mandel. Hillel Mandel is a master mechanech. He teaches mechanechin. And he was the principal of a school and he told all of the teachers, "If a kid's misbehaving and you can't handle him, send him to the principal. I'm the principal. On one condition, you have to send that kid nine times to me to get praise. As each time you're going to throw that kid out of class and send him to the principal, you got to find nine times when the kid's doing something right and say, 'Go to the principal and put this note and tell him how good you're doing.'" An amazing idea. Cuz we're very good at pointing out when everyone's doing things wrong. They did a study, 90% of what parents say to kids is negative. So, we don't accentuate the positive. Accentuate the positive, right? So, uh it's it's it's something that we need to focus on. So, what do we do in our family? And that is the question going into this banai zamanim that I want to try to address. Ask yourself, what can I do with my kids that they're going to enjoy? Now, this is challenging. This is challenging if you have children of different ages. You know, can I know her? I have 11 kids. When you have 11 kids, you know, and you have to try to entertain all of them, they come in, you know, all different types of ages and they have all kinds of different needs and you have to try to come up with something that's going to appeal to all of them. And you have to really try to think it out. Now, when I was in NCSY, we had this expression. If during the meal, some point we'd have the singing and dancing, you know, we'd have to get everybody up to dance. The term that they used for it was called spontaneous ruach. We would tell all the the advisors, "We're going to have a spontaneous ruach in 10 minutes." Now, you have to wonder how spontaneous is when it's planned, but you understand that that goes a whole different way when you plan it. Uh over the years I've been able to take my children to America, to England, to different kind of things. But when I have a trip to America and I've had times when I was able to take my entire family to America. Now, of course, with all the grandchildren, it's more difficult. But I was able to take the immediate family to America and pay for the airfares and pay for all of the, you know, the uh things that we did um just by speaking. I would speak and it was enough to cover the cost of the trip. I was uh Those was the good old days. So, I would be taking my whole family to America. And I made up a itinerary beforehand. Now Okay, I'm not saying everyone's as creative as I am. You have to remember that I was in youth work for 10 years. So, I was always making programming and I was making, you know, events and Shabbat dinners and spontaneous ruach and stuff. So, I had a different idea, you know, I have a background in youth work, yeah. But, you know, when people have something to focus on, it's a whole different thing. When I was learning in Chofetz Chaim, so the Yeshiva asked if I would help uh manage the kitchen. This was in Eretz Yisrael. The entire Yeshiva came to Eretz Yisrael. It was a kitchen that was used to serve 25 bochurim and now there were 200 people. It was pandemonium. And I was brought in to try to make seder. And when I came in, the executive director was spending most of his day there. The secretary, the school, the Yeshiva secretary was spending most of her day there. There was a menahel hamitbach. There were two chefs. There were two um uh assistant chefs. There were a couple of uh you know, custodial staff who were there. And then there was a whole bunch of work-study guys who were supposed to be helping out. And the It was just pandemonium. No one could figure out what to do. So, I I realized I had a certain gift for organization. And I was able to turn everything around. Baruch Hashem. I After a while, I worked myself out of a job cuz it was so organized that the system was so good. But one of the first things I did because you know, so much is perception. I started writing up a menu. Now, I didn't really change that much. But you have to remember that when I was a kid, my parents used to take us away to resort hotels. You know, resort hotels, they put out a menu. And I had saved a bunch of menus over the years cuz I just found them so fascinating. And so, I used this and I would make up a menu every day. It changed everybody's perception of the food. breakfast Fresh Israeli bread. Half sun-ripened grapefruit. Choice of cereals. Um Uh egg du jour. Uh you know, whatever it was. I had I had written up. Then for lunch, you know, soup du jour. You know, this kind of thing. You know, and I would just write up everything in such a way that you just look at it and you feel like this is kosher. The perception is that it's kosher. Yeah? And and that's You know what Salisbury steak is? It's a hamburger. But it goes Salisbury steak, you know? When I moved to Far Rockaway, I was uh on Sage Street. They had just renamed it um West Lawrence. Cuz it sounded better than East Harlem. You know, it's there like, you know, You perception. Perception. The the the I remember reading once about a car company. They have a big press conference and they reveal the name of their next car. You don't see a car, you don't see anything, but they finally figured out the name. Yeah. So, uh you got to be careful. When Chevy came out with the Nova, which by the way, the first car I ever bought, uh they had trouble selling it in South America cuz apparently Nova means doesn't go. They should think about that, you know what I mean? Anyway, so um uh the uh the perception. So, I would make up a schedule. I'd say, "Today, Muncie day. This is Queens day. This is, you know, and I would write up the schedule with the times and what we're going to do." And I cut and pasted little pictures into it. And everybody got a picture. Everyone got a copy of the schedule. It's so exciting. If If I were to just If they were to just every morning say, "What are we doing today?" I'd say, "Well, I thought we'd go, you know, visit uh you know, Bobby and Queens." And they'd go, "What are we going to do there?" Well, we'll say that. I had down eat lunch over here. We're going to do this over here. We're going to do this over here. Had little pictures of little things. It was all planned out. It's very exciting. During Chol HaMoed, my kids know. I've been doing this for years. Yeah, I make a treasure hunt. I used to make it in the building, now I make it, you know, around the neighborhood. Yeah. And uh whoever wins gets to go out for dinner. Take them out for dinner. Of course, I usually make it that one spouse is on the other side, so they get to take a spouse. So, works out. Everyone gets to go out, but you know, I have adult children. It's so much fun. It's so exciting. You know? And and uh my uh my daughter Esther and my son-in-law Avi uh they made up once we were going away to a uh going away for the summer together, you know, for a couple of days. They made a game. Have you ever seen the game Apples to Apples? An Olawsky version with a whole bunch of different words that would have to do with the family and everybody had to match the word that you thought was, you know, closest to it. It's just a lot of fun. Just a lot of fun. But you have to think about it beforehand. So, if you want to have spontaneous ruach, you got to plan it out. If you want to have a meaningful time with your kids, so, many years ago an avreich said to me when we all had little kids, "How do you make your children sit at the Shabbos table?" I said, "I don't. It's a privilege to sit at the Shabbos table." If they don't want to be there, so, let them go and uh you know, play uh you know, with with Kapla or whatever they had back then, you know. But uh but it's my job to make a Shabbos table that they want to be at. That's my job. And I would think about it beforehand. When I make a Pesach seder, I think about it. How can I make this something people want to go to? And so, when you have bein hazmanim, I I talked about this once on Chol HaMoed, you know. What is most of Chol HaMoed spent doing? Um waiting for everybody to get up, and then they have a long, you know, breakfast-lunch, you know, and keep making a lot of food and this and that thing, and then begins the discussion where should we go? Do you want to go here? I don't know, maybe it'll be too crowded. You want to go Yeah, it's too late already. So, and you keep that going up until the supper, and then you have supper, and then, you know, you go to sleep. But anyway, but when I used to plan my Pesach cleaning schedule, I also planned my Chol HaMoed trips. What are we going to do? Where are we going to do it? How are we going to do it? And people would catch. People would catch and I was like, that's okay. I'll take whoever wants to come. And whoever did always had a good time. And then they would come back later. My first year in youth work I had the Edge Jacob chapter of NCSY. And I I made this thing where every month if there wasn't a regional Shabbatone, I made a chapter Shabbatone just for my kids. And I would have a Friday night on egg. We wouldn't have the meal together Friday night on egg. Shabbat morning we would dive together. We'd have the suit together and I'd have someone come and speak. And and I I had this set up so like Friday night we would always have a discussion on something in the news and I'd bring in an outside speaker for my lunch, you know. And so I showed us we would eat with the show so they got to see that they were getting some for their money. There were some actual kids in the show. And then Saturday night I'd have some kind of fun activity. We'd have a trip on Sunday. That's how I would set up for the thing. So the first one I did I said we're going to do Torah game shows. So I had match game Torah style. I had $10,000 mugging David. I had instead of college ball Torah ball. You know I Anyway, the first game I couldn't get anybody to go. I wouldn't I couldn't get anyone to volunteer to participate. I had to like twist some arms of some of the kids that uh that I had some influence with at the beginning. I was just starting out to agree to be contestants. About 10 minutes into the first game, a whole bunch of kids come running up and say, I want to be in it. I said, well you have to wait for the next game. He goes, no, no, but I really want to be in. I said, I asked you. He goes, I didn't know it was going to be fun. Of course not. How could they know? I didn't have a track record yet. So, it's my job to make it something that people are going to want to do. And so, you have to decide beforehand, we're going to have some family time together. What are we going to do with it? So, everyone could sit and play on their phones. That's always fun. Every now and then, uh you know, look up and join and go back down to the screen. So, uh so, you have to really think about it. What do What do I want to do with this time? Do we want to have a game? Do we want to go someplace? Do we want to make a trip? How How are we going to do it? Let's talk about logistics. I planned it out. Self-my self-my shiva The more thought you put into it beforehand, and the goal has got to be I want them to have a good time. And let's call a spade a spade. If you are not fun, and some people are not fun, you got to get fun people. Remember, Noach Weinberg said to me, "Look, there's no ruach in the yeshiva. This is in the 1983, I think it was. I think it was then. I'm trying to remember when it was that we had this conversation. He says, "No ruach in the yeshiva. You know, how to sing ruach?" I said, "Okay, so motzei Shabbos, you know, make a you know, make a kumsitz. You know, get one of the kumsitz people. I mentioned some of the people at the time. You know, come out with a guitar, sing some songs, you know, put out some refreshments, you know? And I said, "And you'll sit in the front." He goes, "I don't like these things." I said, "But if they don't see you there, they're not going to participate." You have to be part of the fun. Otherwise, it's going to be like, "Well, the yeshiva is not here. Why should I be here?" So, think about it. If you are not fun, bring in some designated fun people. When I used to staff a shabbaton, you can't have all the same type of people. I had some people who were very good on one and one. Some people who were very good at giving classes. Some people were very good at speaking. Some people were just You just smack your guys and you need all kinds of different people. Cuz different people appeal to different people. I had a convention these two guys come. And they have a boom box and they're like blasting music and interrupting everybody and you know, evidently they were heavy metal people. This was in the '80s, you know, it was like So, I had a girl who was an NCSY and um and uh she graduated and became an advisor. And she got engaged to this kind of like, you know, slightly out of it Yeshiva guy, you know, Anyway, I didn't know he was about Yeshiva. I didn't know that cuz he he wore it so well, you know. You know the look I'm talking about, the pace behind the ears, a little danger from the shoulder, you know what I mean? The sort of schlumpy thing that the shirt half out. You know like, you know that look, you know. So, she asked if he could come to the Shabbaton. So, I figured, yeah, okay, like, you know, it's a favor to her, you know. Anyway, these two guys are there and everybody's just terrified of them. And he shuffles over, he goes, "What are you guys listening to?" I said, like, "The Ramones." "Oh, yeah? I used to hang out with Joey." Says, "What?" Says, "Yeah, we went to school together. I know all of them." Anyway, that was it. The rest of the Shabbaton, they followed him around like like puppy pit dogs. If he said dive, they dive. If he said wash, wash. If he told them to grow pace, they grow pace. Whatever he told them, "YOU KNOW JOEY RAMONE?" WHO KNOWS? WHO KNOWS WHAT WORKS? You know? So, so you have to sit down and say beforehand, I'm going to have this time with my family. We don't just leave it to chance. Let's plan it out and make it as effective as we possibly can. And we're going to talk about some maybe fun things to do and effective programs and stuff, but again, one size doesn't fit anybody. So, obviously each family is going to is going to have their own time. You ever go to one of those families where they just like to tell like these kind of like corny puns and everyone thinks it's like so funny and so clever and like you know, and they just keep going back and forth and you want to kill yourself? My family's not like that. My kids are outrageously funny. Like hysterically funny and also incredibly hurtful, uh, which unfortunately they get from my wife. What can I do? You know what I mean? Not everybody has my level of sensitivity and you know. Or as one of my kids once said, you know, uh, how do you become so sarcastic? You know, I went to sarcasm school. Really? No. I would never say anything like that, of course. But anyway, so uh, um, so each family is going to is going to go their own way. I was waiting online to go to the Harry Potter, uh, ride in Los Angeles with two of my kids. Um, in the summer in LA. It was somewhere between 100 and 150 degrees. I don't know exactly. I mean, you know, basically we were watching people melt before our eyes, you know. Anyway, how do we pass the time? We just tell really, really outrageous jokes. So, like it's like it's so really funny. Anyway, there was this black kid who kept following us around every like you know, a teenager, every place we went cuz he just thought this is the funniest thing he ever saw. We uh cross cultures. And that's you know, I I I'm always amazed when uh I go to England people say to me, "Oh, were you successful in England?" And I'm They have a different type of sense of humor. Nope. They have just as good sense of humor like they do every place else. I always had a great time in England. They were all wonderful people. I had a terrific time. And I guess if you're of a particular type, maybe you don't go over so well over there. But uh I have a certain universal language. I yeah. Okay. And now the question and answer portion of our program. Anonymous asks, "How come is general practice to substitute Hashem's name when singing Shabbos miros?" I.e. karibon instead of Hashem's name, ribbon. "It seems like this was not the original intent based on how they are written. Thanks." You're right. Ideally, it should be said with Hashem's name. The problem is that we repeat words. My wife had a very uh uh uncle who was a chazan in Toronto. Canter Klein. And he came to uh my son's bar mitzvah here in Israel. He came to do musaf. He says, "What's the minute here with repeating words during you know, the davening?" I said, "Um you could do whatever you want. We don't do it here." He says, "You know who matters here? You know this one allows that one." I said, "I didn't tell you what to do. You asked me." "What do they do over here? Over here they don't do it." "You want to do it? Nobody's going to stop you." "But if you ask me what they do, they don't do it." Yeah. And so um since people sings miros with a uh repeat the words, they don't want to repeat Hashem's name. And that's why one of the classic Mizmor L'Dovid Mizmor L'Dovid Hashem Roi Lo Aifse so there's um there's a lot of places where it repeats. And I heard somebody sing it without repeating any words and he used Hashem's name. So if you can do that, but the reason that certain people um Toras Hashem Temima Nefesh Baruch Hashem Anochi Hashem Elokecha Asher Hotzeisicha M'Eretz Mitzrayim Anochi Hashem Elokecha Asher Hotzeisicha M'Eretz Mitzrayim Anochi Hashem Elokecha you see? So that's why because of the repetition. Anonymous asks, "Any suggestions on ways to affect change and inspire a community of people to spend less?" You first of all have to turn to the institutions. For example, when I lived in Farrockaway, so Reb Freifeld in Shaar Yoshuv had some very well-to-do people who would daven in the Yeshiva on Shabbos. But he had a policy. If you want to make a kiddush in the shul, then it cost whatever it was, $150. This is what you get. There is no there's no premium, there's no prime, there's no deluxe. This is the kiddush that we make for everybody. Whether you're an avreich, whether you're a billionaire, this is the kiddush the Yeshiva provides. The same thing for everybody. And uh it's it's such an amazing thing. It it changes obviously the you know, one of the pshatim that I might be hearing a long time ago in Parshas Nasso is they list the korban of Yehuda. Then they list the korban of Yissachar. Then they list you know and it's exactly the same over and over again. So I heard of shot many years ago it says that's because if 12 people have to bring the first time carbon no one's trying to up anybody else. No one's trying to outdo somebody and do it a little better and a little bit more. That was an unbelievable thing. Everyone said we're going to bring the same thing. And so that's that's only so much that you can do from that point of view. But there is something that you can do. I remember hearing this story um I mean Aaron Weiner uh who lived in Chicago and moved uh to Eretz Yisrael. So when his kids would get bar mitzvah the rule was you couldn't keep your bar mitzvah money. He made a very simple bar mitzvah and he would sit down with the children and decide which tzedakah they wanted to give the money away to. I heard this story and I I I was very impressed and surprised. I remember telling it to somebody in Chicago and he says yeah a lot of people were upset at him cuz he made other people feel bad for keeping the money. But obviously the best way to lower expectations is you start with yourself and you don't get caught in the game in the rat race. The problem is it's hard for your kids. And one of the reasons I moved to Eretz Yisrael August will be 34 years the end of August uh is because I realized I'm never going to be able to compete in America. My kids are always going to feel like they're deprived. So I will move to Eretz Yisrael where everybody's not making it. So I I couldn't not make it with the best of them. So that's the best that you can do and uh the more that you lead by example, the better you're going to do. Anonymous asks, "Some people diving for years and Hashem ignores them. Some people get everything without davening. What does that mean? Does davening work or not?" Okay, Hashem never ignores you. Never ignores you. Because Baruch Hashem might know that it's not right for you. Parshas Va'etchanan Moshe Rabbeinu davens 515 tefillos to be able to be let into Eretz Yisrael and Hashem says, "Don't daven one more tefillah or I'll have to let you in." Could you imagine? Kid says to the parent, "I want to do this." No. "I want to do this I want to do this I want to do that." The mother says, "Just stop cuz if you ask me one time one more time I'm going to say yes." But what Hakadosh Baruch Hu was telling Moshe Rabbeinu is, "It's for your own good and the good of Klal Yisrael that you're not going in. Don't ask me again cuz the power of tefillah is, as the old expression goes, be careful what you ask for you might get it." And so if Hakadosh Baruch Hu doesn't give you anything, it doesn't mean he's ignoring you. Or sometimes, it's not the right time. I had a good friend of mine, Joe Werfel. He married a lovely lady who was uh 16 years his junior. Unusual. But he said by the Sheva Brachos, "I became frum as a teenager and I realized that when I became frum, that's when my bashert was born." So sometimes you have to wait for the right time. Sometimes it's it's a question of timing. And sometimes there are people who are of such um uh weak belief that Hakadosh Baruch Hu gives them what they want right away. That's what Melech said when he put up the base of make that. She says if a asks for something give it to him right away. If it's a Jew, if he deserves it fine, if not not. And that's why we say in davening Kaveh el Hashem. If that doesn't work, chazak ve'ematz u'kaveh el Hashem. You just have to keep davening. And it could be now is not the right time. I one last question. Anonymous asks, where does alcohol play a role in Judaism? We know that we make Kiddush and Havdalah every week on wine, as well as get married over wine. It is a chashuve drink that is at every simcha and many Shabbos and Yom Tov meals. Yet at the same time we see how dangerous the effects of alcoholism can be. Any insight would be appreciated. You said it just as well as anything I could say. Alcohol is a controlled substance. Like all controlled substances, it's fine if it's being used in a controlled manner. Therefore, although the Christians turn their back on alcohol and call it the devil's brew brew and say there shouldn't be any alcohol and it's evil, we say no. It can be used for Kiddush, for holiness. You can use it to uplift and to do beautiful things with kedusha, make a Kiddush, all of these things that go with it. Of course, too much and I refer you to the Dusk Kanim in Parshas Shmini where he brings together all of the Chazal where he discusses all the disasters that have happened to people from too much drinking. So, does drinking have a role? Sure it does. Uh Yosef sends battle barrels of of fine wine to Yaakov as he's coming down to Mitzrayim. Yeah, wine can of course be used to be mesameach. Can use to for chachamim has all kinds of good purposes. But like every controlled sub- substance, some of it is good and too much of it is bad. And so there are vitamins that are essential. You take too much, you're going to get sick. You have to have the right amount. And that's the same thing with alcohol. Does alcohol have a purpose? Sure it does. Taken to excess, it will lead to terrible things. And therefore one has to know how to use it like any other controlled substance. Okay, that's it for this show. If you want to find out more about the Rabbi Orlowsky show, go to my website rabbiorlowsky.com. You can leave a comment, you can send an email, you can sponsor an episode. And uh you can sign up for one of our online shiurim. We have two mesilas yesharim shiurim, daf yomi, and a uh the tefillah shiur, which is just about to finish the first bracha of shmoneh esrei. And I will see you. And uh again, halacha. Got a lot more to do. And that's it for now. I'm Dov Orlowsky and this is the Rabbi Orlowsky show. It's the Rabbi Orlowsky show. Torah and simcha, ready to go. The Rabbi Orlowsky show. Knowledge and wisdom will help you grow. Lots of fun in every episode. And we don't have to rhyme. No, we don't. It's the Rabbi Orlowsky show. rabbiorlowsky.com Torah anytime, YouTube and more. It's Rabbi Olawsky Show. Torah and Simba ready to go in the Rabbi Olawsky Show. Till next time till we meet again. The Rabbi Olawsky Show. It's the Rabbi Olawsky Show.