Sfiras Ha’Omer - Respecting the Process (Ep. 232)

hi this is D rowski and welcome to the rowski show whether you're watching with our friends over at Tony time wherever you watch or listen to your podcast as always exciting to have you along for the experience and we have a special sponsorship for this episode in fact I think the entire episode is going to be the sponsorship hi rowski okay I'm assuming that you were referring to me on the pesak podcast when you spoke about someone who wants to sponsor and you know who you are unless maybe there were others but here it is your dearest and closest friend the one who sat with you by all the meals at the project Inspire convention who tried super hard to entertain and be entertained the one who is cousins with YY mola actually it's my wife's cousin the one who listens to your podcast from Texas to Florida and from Chicago to Baltimore on all my work trips yes yes the Israel Schwarz you were the main reason I came to project Inspire conference it's convention I've been loving each and every one of your podcasts and I hope when I grow up I get to be like you well just take poor care of yourself physically and you'll get there please make sure and mention that this podcast is in honor of my dear wife Miriam Leia who always puts up with me and my nonsense and lets me play you in the car on our long trips from Baltimore in memory of Ru Ben who is always in our hearts andu for uo benora and Ley Ben shiran in memory of all who died in the war and it's for the hostages but really because we are dear friends and go Way Way Back Together in honor of you that Hashem should continue giving you strength to inspire others while you make them laugh please make sure to mention how we are really good and dear friends who hit it off and go way back together probably back to to other Gil gulim send you lots of love you Schwartz well that's it for the next week if you want to find out more about the podcast this actually is uh is a interesting story my first project inspired convention that I went to all of the other faculty members were sitting together and I was sitting at a table with couples uh from burrow Park and Lakewood and I was kind of surprised my wife with me why wasn't I sitting with you know the other faculty people and I asked them they said you were requested uh people wanted to sit with you and be able to ask you questions it was so interesting that these were couples and lit couples and they were just asking basic questions on Judaism um every meal that we sat together which I of course found uh absolutely fascinating I'm very happy to do it but uh at this last convention I also got to sit with my good friend Misha David and his son and of course with the schwarzes as he's already mentioned and he says you know we're really very good friends and and I'm I'm expect you to mention that so here's a shout out and it's good to hear from you and to see you and all the other people at my table who uh I had this to be able to spend time with and to bond with okay well it is after pesak and we start and is a process I've said this many times that Rabbi Kish of Waterberry who is one of the master MIM of Our Generation Um and I say that knowing of course that he has no time to listen to podcast so this I'll never get back to him but I have had an opportunity to have dealings with him and uh he he uh has a lot of tremendous insights for Our Generation and one of the things he says is respect the process there's a process and um we don't always understand that there's a process and it's necessary to go through the process to achieve what we're trying to achieve um everyone knows already that in my myths spent youth I did Research into uh what was the craze at my time which was of course uh um comic books I read them only before the uh to give me an insight into society but uh I remember a Flash comic where I think he was fighting Captain Cold I'm trying to remember but he had the flu and uh the flash was having trouble doing what he had to do because he had the flu even though the flash has very uh fast healing um Powers but you know so what did they used to say when I was a kid um if you have the flu uh rest uh drink lots of fluids and take bear aspirin this was a bare aspirin commercial which by the way was the first aspirin was the first modern medicine that was ever developed it was a German organiz company called bear and in the reparations against Germany after World War I America got the patent for aspirin and so they changed bear which I think was b b a ER to Bear b a y r and uh they started marketing bear aspirin but anyway so the flash realizes that it's just too hard for him to fight all the bad guys so he takes a couple of bottles of aspirin and quickly you know uh swallows them along with lots of um lots of uh liquids and then he collapses because he forgot you also have to rest and so of course the bad guys come in and they find him passed out and they carry him away to to kill him which is a typical bad guy thing you know why they don't just shoot him when they have the chance there was a TV show in the 60s Batman and every single time they would tie him to this or they would hang him from that and why didn't they just shoot him you know um I never saw it but someone told me there was a takeoff on the old James Bond movies called uh in powers and the bad guy is planning some kind of elaborate way to kill him and he says why don't we just shoot him he goes you don't know anything about being a villain yeah so um uh so luckily being the flash he's able to rest super fast so as they're carrying him away you know whatever amount of time it is he suddenly wakes up and at super speed knocks out all the bad guys and uh um the reason the flash keeps getting caught by way is because he's stupid which is surprising because he's really bright he's a he's a scientist but he runs in at super speed and then stops to have a whole conversation and give them long enough time to use whatever weapons they have on him as opposed to just running picking them up and dropping them off of jail which is what I would do if I had super speed but more more on this as we move along so you need the time to rest and if you don't rest you're not going to get healthy you know um when I I had my bypass operation I took it very slow recovering uh I know somebody else who had a bypass operation and jumped right back into things and uh ended up not doing so well because you need time to recover yeah there are certain things that just take time it's a process the ramban says inmos that traveling from MIT to Har is a three-day Journey as the crow flies or since this was in um Egypt I would say is the Ibis flies yeah it's a three-day Journey so it should have only taken them three days it took them seven weeks why respect the process they needed the time in order to be able to develop themselves to be able to receive the Tyra now preparation you're not going to be successful at anything I've mentioned this idea in the past in different context the um dub maged gives a marshall about this guy who is barely able to buy his family bread they scrimping and saving and one day he's whatever his job is takes him to a fancy part of town and there's a big glass window B window and he looks inside and he sees this guy sitting at a table and next to him is a little silver bell sitting on a little Velvet pillow and he rings the bell and this fellow comes out and brings him the fish course he rings the bell takes it away and bring him soup rings the bell they bring him roast beef potatoes vegetables rings the bell take it away they bring him dessert coffee the fellow is amazed he's never seen anything like this and with whatever money he has he goes out and buys himself a little Velvet pillow and a little silver bell and he sits down with his family and he says children tonight we're going to eat like we've never eaten before fish roast beef soup dessert he rings the bell nothing happens rings the bell again so uh he goes back and says you sold me a defective Bell says what are you talking about says I watched this other guy he rang the bell and people brought him food he goes he hired a cook he hired a budler he bought the food you know he gave them all the materials to be able to do it all the preparation went into it the Bell was just the Simmon if you don't do everything else then the Bell is not going to work says the to people who go into and they wait for it to move them and nothing happens because there's no preparation that went into it if you didn't spend the whole preparing yourself for the then you go in and you hear the Sher and okay it's not having an effect on you because you didn't do the work for it to be able to have the effect yeah um a similar thing is for people who visit Kil for the first time and uh they expect something magical to take place they're going to get up there and suddenly the C clouds are going to part and a ray of light will shine on them and the angels will sing and they'll be moved with a feeling of deep religiosity and spirituality and they'll touch the wall and tears will come to their eyes as they connect with thousands of years of Jewish history or they'll see a wall that's what it is it's a wall it's an old wall you know wonder what this guy wants you know that's in French yeah puts it back in uh cuz you didn't do the preparation you have to prepare yourself to be able to have an experience so all is a time of preparation we need to prepare ourselves for Matra you can't just walk into Matra otherwise K could have given it to us right away but we weren't ready we were on the lowest level of Tuma and we had to build ourselves up yeah there are people who are realistic and they say I'm not ready to date to get married yet I have work to do there are some people who don't do the work and they get married and it affects their relationship and affects their children because they didn't do the work that needed to be done beforehand there has to be preparation in order for you to be able to see success in what you're doing that's the nature and a person who doesn't put in the work doesn't put in the effort you're not going to see it you know um we had a neighbor once that used to uh sell um like health food and she told me once she was very upset because somebody ordered a carrot cake and uh and they refused to pay for it so said it wasn't good he says why he goes I don't know I used all my usual ingredients said did you do anything different because why I was sort of you know pressed for time instead of taking the carrots and grating them on the fine grater I did it on the chunk side so she made a carrot cake with carrot chunks in it and it's it's it's more than just chewy you understand it's like that's not what a carrot cake is supposed to be I said well you cut corners and that's the reason that you ended up with what you ended up with you know um we mentioned this about making lkas and we mentioned this about making schnitzel one of the most important things is you have to make sure that the oil is hot before you put it in or it's not going to start to Brown and it's going to uh stick to the bottom of the pan and the whole thing will fall apart same thing with the mat you made your mat on PES those of you who keep eating mat till sh so you can still do this yeah um you have to uh make sure that the oil is hot enough when you pour it in otherwise it's going to become a GP yeah you could Salvage it by making like scrambled egg matah which is not a matzah proba but listen Different Strokes for different folks but uh but the point is that um uh uh you have to wait until things are done you have to preheat the oven very often for different kinds of uh dishes if you have a chicken order coming make sure and plug in the freezer beforehand so it gets nice and cold don't wait until afterwards and then say Oh I'll stick the chickens in until the basically warm freezer and then plug it in that's not going to be good for you unless you appreciate bacterial growth then it's very good yeah but um respect the process I mentioned this and I'll put it into a context for you um by n it says the following why is the parisha of s sa is a woman who is suspected of adultery um and it's not just that the husband picked up the phone and someone hung up or something like that he saw the his wife staying alone with Bob so he gives her H in front of witnesses and says do not be alone with Bob in a closed room for the amount of time necessary to have relations very specific and two witnesses say yes she was alone in a room um with Bob for that amount of time now I know some people are going to say to me well you don't need two witnesses for this and two witnesses for that and the fine fine cut me a little slack I'm not learning s to here anyway so uh so she uh that's it she is now forbidden to her husband and it's not just uh suspicion he told us specifically not to be alone with this guy in a room means if they go out for a you know a cappuccino in a public Cafe you know one could question the propriety but that doesn't make her a so to you have to be alone in a room with this guy for that period of time and we have evidence that this took place at that point the tourist said she's hust the woman says I didn't do anything you know it's just I really love playing chess and you don't like to play chess so you know we need a quiet place to play chess maybe but I told you specifically not to I guess you would have to have gone to the park to one of those big chess tables and you know played chess over there but you know you can't you can't just uh you know do this after I told you specifically that I'm suspicious of this guy and his intentions so that's it they have to get divorced by the way this applies today if a man gives a SOA warning to his wife what we call and then we have evidence that she in fact violated that uh that understanding and was alone with this guy they have to get divorced there is no there's no way out of that yeah but in the time of the Bas mes the woman said I am innocent the man fear says I fear the lady does protest too much and Shakespeare said that's a cool line let me write that down and uh and she says no I'll do anything to prove my innocence so God says okay I have an option for you well take you to the basa Mikes I'm going to make this little magic water where we take some of the dirt of the floor of the Bas mikdash and mix it in with some water from the from the kior and the B mikdash and I'll write up a little you know uh a little text along with God's name on a piece of paper and I'll dissolve it in the water and you'll drink it and if you're innocent then you will have children and the children will be healthy and you'll have easy birth everything be good and if not then you will basically fall apart not like fall apart emotionally but like physically like parts of you will start dropping off and you know Kaboom you know in fact when they see she drank it and she was lying and she's starting to her eyes start to bulge they take her outside and say uhoh let's not blow her up here in the Bas of Mesa take her outside yeah and uh and uh that's what takes place yeah that's a s now the really don't want her to die because there there is evidence that this woman acted inappropriately she might just be hoping that she can get away with it and the gar tells different stories about women who tried tricks to get away with it like for example one woman sent her twin sister in you know and uh she passed the test and when she came back you know her sister came to her and she says oh thank you so much and he kisses her and some of the water gets inside of her and she blows up you know so uh but there were people who tried all kinds of Tricks they figured they would they would try something for example the water doesn't work if your husband's not faithful and it could be that she suspected her husband which is why she turned uh in her time of need to Bob in the first place you know and uh and she counting on that but we don't want to see this lady blow up walk away walk away make a new life for yourself yeah as long as there's life there's hope we don't want to see anybody die if we could avoid it yeah and uh even if people do terrible terrible things there's always an opportunity that I can turn my life around and still do something good in this world and uh and we'd like to see you not die so we make her carry her Min around with her to get her tired we bring her over here we bring her over there we do all kinds of things at some point a guy is by the base of mcdh bringing a Corbin and he sees the he sees this woman going through what they call the oral of the S it's an ordeal but it's with the best of intentions cuz we want her to admit if she doesn't even have to admit it she just has to say you know what I don't need this you know if my husband's going to make me go through this whole thing then forget about it I don't want to be married anymore which is um obviously if you're innocent you know you'll say listen I'll do anything to prove my innocence but she can always say I don't need this I don't have to take this I don't have to be treated this way I don't have to be spoken to like this you there are people like that you know you come in and and your roommate's using your computer you say what are you doing and they go what first thing is always go with denial what says why using my computer I didn't think you wouldd mind says I've told you at least four times not to use my computer without permission what do you care you know uh the electricity I'll pay for it you know it's not an issue of that it's my computer and you can't use it without permission you know okay what do you want to say I'm a thief you want to call me a thief yeah fine that's not what I'm saying you're raising your voice I don't have to talk to you anymore and they turn it around that they're the hurt party this happens to be uh brilliant technique if you can Master it I had a nephew who was learning in yiva and I have a lot of nephews and um and there are a lot of yeshivas so I'm not giving away any particular information but uh he liked to go out with his friends at night and he uh and he would tell the mashah that he's homesick and he's going to his uncle that was me he's going to his uncle for um um you know for dinner that night because you know he's he's lonely and he's homesick fine so he does this a bunch of times and the mash is beginning to get a little suspicious so he calls my wife now if he called me I was a MH I would know exactly what was going on I could have covered for him but my wife is very very honest very hard for her to lie yeah uh I'm better at it I've I've practiced you know always with the best of intentions that's a lie anyway but uh um so she doesn't know how to lie you know and he didn't see it coming you know so MH Calles up and says listen how's your nephew so and so doing so well I think he's doing well you know uh do you think he's homesick I I didn't really see him homesick it looks like he's pretty secure goes maybe you should invite him over for dinner go okay you know does does he ever come over for dinner goes not really when was the last time you saw him I came for shers about four weeks ago he okay thank you very much so the next day he sees him he says where were you last night so I went to my uncle's house for dinner says really because I spoke to your aunt and she says she hasn't seen you in a month so he's telling me the story over he goes so I'm caught so what do I do so I go you called up my aunt oh my gosh that's the only family I have here you just ruined my entire relationship now they think I'm a liar I have no place to go anymore why would you do that just ask me if I was lying I would have told you if I was lying well you know you can't he goes what do you mean why couldn't you do this oh my gosh you went and C her up my back now what am I going to do that anyway by the end he was apologizing to him you know what I mean so fine so she could just say I don't need this you know she could work out which by the way we'd be very happy with because we don't want you know to see anybody get blown up and that's why we're doing this this poor guy sees this uh woman going through this disgrace and the kazal say the next para is the para of Naz where a person takes upon himself a vow to become a nazier a Nazarite I don't know if that helps you I never understood why if you don't understand the Hebrew term while you'll understand the English term which makes no more sense than the Hebrew term you know it was like um my good friend Rashi Simon I was by him for an event and he announces next Saturday night we're going to be starting the penitential prayers and I said do you think there's anybody who doesn't know what SAS are and know what penitential prayers are just say SOS no one knows the difference anyway you know gosh is there anybody who if you sayin they don't don't know what you're talking about and you say filteries they go oh Fela why didn't you say so I never got that but anyway it's but if you're Nazarite like that better you know what na this is a person who takes upon themselves not to drink wine and because they're not going to drink wine they can't have grape juice they can't eat grapes they can't eat raisins you know no grape products grape jelly no grape skins grape pits you can have grape nut cereal cuz it's not really grape nuts yeah but uh apparently they taste like them which I think is really appealing anyway so uh it's like I don't know why they thought this would be clever that they copied from Harry Potter these all flavor um jelly beans so you get a bag of jelly beans and they were like really disgusting tasting ones in them was that really necessary is there anybody who wants a vomit flavored you know uh Jelly Bean do you just want to see the shock on their face you know on this on this subject why do they make all these different candies and different flavors when people only want Cherry they pick out all the Cherry ones and you know and they stick in these black licorice ones that nobody wants so what are you doing anyway just giving a shout out there to the candy makers yeah and uh when you make them you know you can you can do it cuz just uh he you mix it with love and make the world feel good anyway he sees this and he becomes a nazer why because he he looks at the situation and says how did we get here there was a process of bad decisions that brought us to this moment I've mentioned this before um when I ran NCS in Long Island in the 1980s we'd go to the printer to make up our Flyers and the printer would have these this is you know uh they would they would make like a master like moment like a mograph machine they make a master and they copy it off of that you know it had that smell of ink it was very exciting not like a dried paper cop today but um um so they had these print things that hand out and one of them was called you know it's going to be a bad day when and one of them was you know it's going to be a bad day when you wake up face down in the gutter naked that was 40 years ago I saw that and I still think about it to this day when you wake up face down naked in the gutter you have to think to yourself how did this happen What were the circumstances that led to this event there was obviously a series of very poor decisions that I made that brought me here yeah um and uh you know how when you know uh Mark Twain says people who tell the truth have less to remember you know and you try to lie way out of a situation the lie just becomes another lie and another lie you know so when I was in Hank I was going into uh seventh grade and the way it worked there was to get your secular books it was provided by your local school district so you had to go down to the school district and pick up your book well at the end of the year they would give you a form to fill out to submit to the school district this was way too much effort and uh and commitment for me to possibly do that so it's the beginning of the year and I don't have any school books cuz I never filled out the form so I go down and I figure I'll play it by Year I'll wing it you know uh so he says yeah I said I've I've come here to uh to get um to get my uh school books you know so what school you in you know Hebrew Academy that's accounting so he looks he says oh you must be so and so now so and so had filled out a form and he wasn't coming back for seventh grade and I thought to myself yes that's me and he kept calling me by this this guy's name Mark you know well you know Mark said that was very think that oh you live on such a that you know and I'm just compounding this with lie after lie to him and I said okay I got to tell you the truth I'm not him I forgot to fill out of forms and I I was just so humiliated but I just couldn't keep it going for that long it was it was it was too hot today I'd have no problem but uh but but back then I just you know I just broke under the weight of one lie on top of another on top of another you know and uh in the end the guy was like you should have just told me and I would have given you a form to fill out stupid stupid stupid anyway but uh you realized that there were consequences so he supposed to why because he looks at this woman and says how did this happen he says kis R Kus R says in piy of us Kus R brings to erva she was fooling around and in fact isn't that the word they use for it in the vernacular yeah we're just fooling around yeah that's what they were doing they fooling around how's it get that way it starts off with a couple of drinks and he says and that's what they say to the woman before they give her says BT my daughter you know wine has bad effect effect on people cause them to make poor decisions maybe this maybe that you know we're trying to say we understand that you made a series of bad decisions that brought you here now you don't have to die because of them even though you've made bad decisions yeah I've told this over before but the greatest musm I ever got in my life was not from rashash or a mashk or a rebi it was from a nassa County police officer because I was um I took the road test in New York four times and failed blatant anti-Semitism one guy said I went through a stop sign yeah right anyway but um so I went to California and California is very laidback they don't even make you parallel park there you know um and uh you you don't have to make an appointment in New York yeah I don't know about today but you'd have to take the written test and then you had to um ask for an appointment and then they would mail you a day for an appointment then you came in and you took the test and then you waited two weeks for an answer and if you failed then you had to do the whole thing again and if you failed that time you had to take the written test over again anyway after four times I said okay I don't really need to drive I went out to LA you just take the test you get online you know and the guy's like uh okay so uh you want to drive and I'm like sure okay let's go uh you want to make a ride okay hey great train tracks what do you do with train tracks we stop and look that's right okay now you can go can you back up the car 50 fet yeah I could do that oh very good okay here's your [Laughter] license I love love driving in in Los Angeles it was wonderful and that's why three days later I was driving three days my and there's suddenly a cop car behind me and you know I'm only driving for three days and and I get nervous and another cop car pulls up next to me and another cop car pulls up on so I'm like so they pull me over because they thought I was drunk you know and they say license please and I handed him goes three days you driv for three days why are we driving like that he goes I had three cop cars surrounding me I thought you thought I was a serial killer coming in to take me away I was kind of nervous you know what I mean but um so I had a California license and when I came back to New York they said you know there's no reciprocity between California and New York I said what does that mean says well if you get a ticket in New York and they give you points they also give you points in New Jersey you know there's reciprocity but there's no reciprocity between New York and California now in my 20-some brain what that meant was I'm invisible to the authorities I can do whatever I want so every time I would speed I get a speed ticket and I throw it away because there's no reciprocity any one time it was late at night I was coming back from something I was going 4 5 miles and a 30 m hour thing but there's nobody around at the middle of the night you know and the guy pulls me over and says license and registration I give it to him he goes you know you're driving with a suspended license and he said no no no I I have a California license there's no reciprocity he says do you know what that means and for the moment I realized no I don't really know what that means he says it means that we cannot suspect end your driving privileges in California if you had a New Jersey license we could suspend them both in New York and New Jersey but we can suspend them in New York and we have because you have gotten a lot of parking ticket uh speeding tickets and you didn't take care of them and at the moment I realized that I was lying Faith down naked in the gut and I said I don't he goes this is a misdemeanor I could take you to jail I said I don't want to go to he says now listen to me you're not a bad person but you did something stupid and you have to face the consequences I'm going to let you drive home get yourself a lawyer and solve this because this is a misdemeanor this is a crime this is not just a speeding violation you know it's not just a traffic violation so I got myself a uh got myself a lawyer paid him a few thousand paid a few thousand do in fines um I leared that the guy with the most points doesn't win when it comes to driving I had points on my license for like the next 10 years and I drove a lot better afterwards but what a musm you're not a bad person but you did something stupid and now you have to face the consequences and I understood that that's true you so I uh this fellow is looking at the SAA and realizes what got her here say cuz she's sitting around drinking and going out to bars and having fun and that's what got her into trouble so I am Y and I am not going to drink wine at the end of his 30 days Stam the zerus say 30 days at the end of the 30 days he shaves off all his hair and he uh goes to the B mikdash and he brings corbon and one of the corbon he brings is a corbas why does he bring a corbas says because because he denied himself wine gave us wine to be able to uh enjoy it just like everything gave us to enjoy it and you ased it on yourself and for denying yourself that pleasure you have to bring a carbas a sin offering a steing Rashi first he says if you see a s in a disgrace you should become a then he says you have to bring AAS why because you became a na so um so answers and says well that's cuz you should have only sworn off wine and not grapes and grape juice and raisins and all those kind of things that you also denied yourself for I thought there's a different answer that you could give and that is that you're right you had no choice to become a nazer but that's not a positive thing to do you should not deny yourself wine Ella what you had a trauma you suffered a trauma and because of this trauma you have no choice but to go through a therapy and the therapy is to go without wine not because that's a good thing but that's what you have to do I was working with a young lady who was having all kinds of problems in life and in her marriage and things like that and we sat down to uh to discuss it and to see what was going on I I'm not a therapist you know but I try to help people as best as I can and it came out that she lived in a very abusive home and it took me a long time to get her to understand and see it when she finally did she says so how come my brothers don't see it and I said they probably do but just like you nobody ever sat down with them and you know went over a chapter in verse for them to see so she asked her two brothers to come and join her for the next time that we met and see whether or not they could validate what I was saying so one of the brothers says to me who says it's m to talk badly about my father I said you're right it's not M to speak badly about your father but if there's a trauma that you need to deal with with then you have no choice you have to do it just like a sick person who the doctor says has to eat pig eats pig so too if you have no choice this is what you do you don't have a choice you have to do what you have to do the end result was that this brother uh kept himself out of the conversation and the other brother who was arguing with me in the end had like a breakdown because he suddenly realized what he was what he had grown up with and what he had gone through and he had never realized it before you know and completely fell apart but um uh the answer is sometimes you have to go to therapy and even though you're not allowed to speak lanar if that's what I need to do in order for me to correct the situation so when you have the need to go through a therapy even though that's not ideal it's what you need to do I have a a good friend who was uh my neighbor in farway uh sat it was Henry when I know him but you know people find religion in their old age so uh so my wife still calls me Dave what can I tell you you know I was like I was speaking once in Long Island and uh I was known by my nickname Oro at the time which goes back to my magic years when I was the amazing Oro anyway so that was my nickname you know uh anyway so uh one of my former advisers in ncsy saw a sign that I was speaking in the five towns and she says oh look David's giving a sheare and there was a gasp these two Seminary girls come to her and say that's Rabbi orlovski schita she says I didn't say Oro I thought that was pretty good so uh yeah it was pretty good anyway that's the concept of Ino you know when you grew up you know say oh look uh little Shiki is going to say in the Vu go ahead Shiki say over the you know so is had to start in a different town I'm not going to be a novy over here all the people I grew up with you know so uh he suffered from elitis and um they kept giving him steroids and all kinds of different stuff and you know it was making him pretty sick but there's no cure of alitis you know so he went to this RV who's supposed to have natural um cures and he put him on the grape diet she can only eat grapes he says grapes grapes is the worst thing for iltis you can't digest it you know it's terrible just eat grapes and that's what he did yeah I think it was for a year he only ate grapes and uh he becomes something of a grape connoisseur he says to me I could taste grapes that had been washed for 5 minutes 10 minutes 20 minutes I could taste the difference in the grape anyway it went away it went away he went to his doctor afterwards and sure enough he no longer had elitis he says it must have been you never had it because elitis can't be cured so slowly he was able to introduce other fruits and other veget vegetables and then a little chicken and then a little meat you know after a while he was back to eating a regular diet it cured him the the grape therapy but one week out of the year he has to go back on the grape diet and for a week he just eats grapes he says he does it during the fall that's when the grapes are cheaper you know and uh and he only eats grapes for a week and that somehow cleans out his system or does whatever it has to do and then he can go back to eating regularly I don't know if he's still doing it but I know that that was the treatment and we're told to bring a we're told do not bring anyit and do not bring any Das because Das represents um TAA there is a sweetness and that's why their their default in the Torah the is and right andar which is very sweet a date there are two women in t whose name is Tamar and both of them are associated with t andas represents G why because you take a nice flat matah and you blow it up into a white bread that's GAA and that has no place in our vas Hashem but we eat bread that's true all year we eat bread but sometimes we forget to keep our mind on the focus so for a week we don't eat grapes we eat matah and we take out theit from our diet in order to remove it that's one week of therapy that's our grape diet that's us becoming a nuer not because that's the ideal because that's the therapy that we need because there's a process there's a process that I have to go through in order to me to be able to cleanse my system and get it out of my system and slowly reorient myself back to everyday life we spoke about this before suus where we go out of our houses for a week and we don't have a roof over our head and then we come back inside of our house and we have one last dayas we have to do the same of inside of our house because you got to respect the process so as we come out of pesak cleansed and pure having removed uh all of those toxins from our body and we start a new should allow us to be able to eat theet in a way that brings us that kadus and now the question answer portion of our program by Anonymous is there a difference in saying the as o or oi there's two different ways of doing [Laughter] it the um they each one has proofs yeah um you'll find in certain puim the rhyme only works if you say o and then you find certain places where it only works if you say oi so they are approves this way and that way and the general rule is of course to follow your M if you ask me which one is right of course oh because that's what I say uh but if you have the medic of saying oi what can I say follow your custom that's it's like when it comes to said you can change CH your unless you're changing from back to because originally everybody di as and was a Innovation Dian we said you can't change your unless you're switching from ashas to because the AR told us that's the correct one so like I say whatever whatever you're you're doing uh you should be doing it with the intention that you're doing ratem by anonymous what does the R's take on showing physical touch between husband and wife in front of children does it give them a sense of security to see that their parents love each other this should obviously not be the only way children should get this security but it it is an added benefit I'm not talking about anything more than a hug a kiss on the head or holding hands Etc I heard a story from somebody who had learned in I don't know what his source for the story was but he said that Riv Gusman who was the rash of who was on B used to walk through G holding his wife's hand kti um there certainly were different approaches over the years there was a uh tremendous problem that when women came from Europe when their daughters got married they didn't go to Mikvah and when they said to them why aren't you going to Mikvah goes why my mother never did that because when the woman would go to the Mikvah she did it with so much modesty that nobody knew anything about it and this is a process of um you know creates tremendous tension for a lot of women because they go to the mkford they don't want to tell their their kids hi you know Mommy's going to the mikah now you know so um they have to come with some kind of story you know uh in K safer the the default is you say I'm going to the supermarket I forgot which Supermarket it is over there you know I think maybe Z gado whatever it is so I'm going to the supermarket anyway the woman's in the her phone rings it's her daughter so he says where are you he says I told you I went to the supermarket he goes well I'm here and I don't see [Laughter] you and uh you know my wife was listening to these two women online saying like you know how hard it is to try to fool their kids you know so she says I'm going to wherever it is and the and the daughter says I know where you're going and it starts with an m and she says no it doesn't it starts with a z so I guess they sat there thinking why should be going to the zoo in the middle of the night but anyway so I'm not saying that one should advertise it obviously I have eight daughters you know you can fool boys easily when you can fool girls you know my daughters knew when my wife was pregnant a few hours after conception they could already tell she was pregnant I don't know how they just have this sense my wife can't lie like I told you you know so they figure out everything right away you know but for years she would always make up some story we would coordinate what the story was beforehand in case they asked me and again I was much e better at it but years later when they were all married you know they said we knew you were going to the Mikvah go how did you know he goes you have this bag that you always take with you it's the same bag and once a month you would take this bag with you you know we knew exactly where you were going but the point is that if it it gets the point or nobody understands that there's something important here good so you can wait till they get married and have a make sure that they they learn this in their collar classes and this next thing and things like that but again you were talking about a world where there were no colar classes you know when people came to Europe in the 20s and 30s but uh it's it's I think an important thing to to do a person has to you know make sure that their kids see it uh I am in favor of having parents um Express infection uh affection not infection but affection the affection can be infectious because it makes people more comfortable they know Mommy and Daddy love each other you know ABA you know probably not t mommy but uh you know it's okay let them let them see like you say and that's why you know uh you know you know holding hands or something like that I don't think that's a bad thing for kids to see and uh IAD that's my position Anonymous oh I'm sorry no this is Aram zukerman how are you able to D for someone else why is it important to say their name it's very interesting you know when someone's sick we go to a sadic um to Davin uh sometimes we ask everybody Davin um I have a list of names of people that I D for and I'm reminded of the story I heard OFA Feinstein once he says people come to me and ask me to D for people they never tell me afterwards what happened did they die did they get better should I keep doing you I don't know so I got names on this list fortunately I've had to cross off two of them that I know of but some of them are just people who approached me I wouldn't even know how to to track them down and uh you know it's uh it's a difficult situation yeah but why do we go Toad and ask with the doin so we have a concept here in Israel that we call protexia protexia means that you want to get your kid into a school and they don't want to accept them so you call up somebody who is close to the person in charge and they ask them to put in a good word for you uh sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn't uh sometimes you just have to find the right protexia I had a daughter who uh wanted to go to a particular school and the fellow in charge said no and he would never say why and people who Tau in the school went there and said this is a great girl no I tried this that all kinds of things didn't help didn't help so came September she had no school all right she found other things to do over sukus I was uh in the supermarket I wasn't at the mikah I was actually at the supermarket and I meet an old neighbor he's an American you know not particularly connected he said what's the matter I said no nothing I could say something's the matter so I tell him he says which school is it he says well let me see see if I can do something I'm thinking to myself what are you going to do you know like who do you know it ends up that his son married a girl and the girl's grandmother is best friends with the fellow who is in charge of the school's mother and so he told his son to tell his wife to call her grandmother and the grandmother called her good friend and the good friend called the uh son and said you are going to take this girl and he says listen you know IMA I can't this next goes no no no my friend is asking me to do her a favor you're going to accept this girl and sure enough they accepted her she was a star you know when you do something it could be that when a k looks at you he says uh I'm sorry you deserve this to be sick for your sins and so I go to says to could you make this guy better Hashem says not nobody deserves it goes I know but it's hurting me It's upsetting me goes oh It's upsetting you oh okay for you I'll make him better that's how doing for somebody else works I'm putting myself out there I'm putting myself on the line and I say don't do it for him do it for me yeah and when you put yourself in that position and you can make a big difference yeah and I say it could be a sadic it could be anybody like the famous story of the auna who said saved the mirr during The Six Day War they were in this uh they were hiding in the bomb shelter and there were bombs falling over y shim and this woman had been in auna for I think 20 years her husband wouldn't give her a get and she stands up in the bottom shelter and she sayses my husband has caused me all of this sorus and all of these problems and I'm going to forgive him now and that's I'm asking you to forgive uh uh the Jewish people and save the Yeshiva and surely afterwards a bomb fell right on top of the Mir Yeshiva and didn't explode said she saved the M Yesa now why do you have to get the name right Mel Brooks in the 2,000 year old man he uh has this routine where call Rina asks him uh where do where do words come from he says it's usually Ania you know you take it from the sounds so uh he says well like a shower he said well you turn on the shower and it starts going sh and you walk and it's too hot you go ow shower shower that's where it comes from he says well what about an egg says if you listen very closely as a chicken is laying an egg you'll listen he goes that's where it comes it does a few other than this and then he says what about a nose why is a nose called a nose well he says why because otherwise would be an ear what kind of stupid question is that and that's the bottom line you know there's no necessarily Rhyme or Reason you know why there's no butter and Butterfly you know what I mean words um uh meld there's there's a madeup word combining Weld and melt they come up with the word uh meld you know um a zipper in Hebrew is called a richr because that's what it sounds like richr pingpong pingpong is cuz that's how it sounds ping Punk ping pun you understand so uh oh that was what he says he say why is in tennis called a racket he says because they used to make it out a cat gut did you ever try to get cat gut out of a cat boy does it make a racket not so in Hebrew every word in Hebrew is a strip of DNA if you know what each letter represents and you know what every twetter uh root represents and you know what the third letter added on represents then you understand it's describing the s Ence and between the shape of the letters and the gatria and all kinds of different things it has different meaning to it your name defines who you are someone who has your name has your masle that's when when a person gets sick we change their name because we change their mule yeah because this gazer was made on him and now I changed my name to alter so and so or raal so and so and and now you know I'm a different person so your name determines to a large extent who you are right my daughter yafa says to me what does my name mean I said your name means beautiful my son yakob says what does my name mean he who grasps the heel not quite as catchy and it was downhill from there Miriam means bitterness ra is a sheep RI because a cow you know he's like you know but um Esther is God will hide his face from us so uh yeah so uh you know you work with what you got anyway so uh so your name that we ding for specifically is because that's the person obviously if you don't know the name so you say please D for this person but it if you know the name it makes Thea that much more effective because we have a location of who we're diving for and that's it for this episode if you want to find out more about the show you can go to my website row.com you can can uh uh leave a comment you can ask a question uh you can uh sign up for one of our online shm and as I mentioned last time uh we uh we're looking to start another sh we're looking for suggestions what people might want someone had an interesting question is that I used to do a series in orola of answering the basic questions on Judaism um maybe to do a series on that I don't know because I've done so many of them in the question and answer if somebody want to go cader you know where we go through questions systematically as opposed to non-systematically that's an idea and any other suggestions you might have uh you could sponsor an episode we need sponsors we're not going to be able to keep uh producing the show I hate to go uh dark on you but uh but uh takes money to make this happen and uh it's good people like you who uh who make that happen so uh if you like the sponsor an episode and sponsor question and answer you can do it in honor of a loved one in memory of a loved one you can do it in honor of a uh disliked or tolerated one we don't care we take the money and we'll say whatever you want us to say you know I want to give a shout out to my brother-in-law that little life never had a job in his life he always said I wouldn't remember him I remember you this podcast is being sponsor because of you I'll say it I don't care and corporate sponsors you know are welcome and uh that's it for this episode until next time I am Deon olowski and this has been the rabbi alasi show it's the rabbi orlovski show Torah and S ready to go the rovski show knowledge and wisdom will help you grow lots of fun in every episode and we don't have to RH no we it's the rabbi orlovski show on Rabbi ori. comom Tor anytime you two and more it's Rabbi orlovski show Torah and Sim ready to go in the rabbi orlovski show till next time till we meet again the rabbi orlovski show it's the rabbi Orlowski show it's the rabbi Orlowski show oh