Respecting Shabbos (Ep. 210)

hi this is D olowski and welcome to the Robert olowski show whether you're watching with our friends over at T time or wherever you watch uh listen to your podcast as always we're happy to have you along now as we mentioned uh last episode uh we're in uh a little bit of a financial situation now because we have production course and we're not getting haven't gotten sponsorships in a while so we reached out first to the WhatsApp group and we got a number of sponsorships that we're still using now uh but otherwise we're in the middle of a pledge drive over here we need people to sponsor episodes you're not going to get a tote bag but you are going to get a lot of quality Torah thought to help you carry you through through these difficult times so this sponsorship is sponsored anonymously and it reads The Show Must Go On sh my wife and I have not missed an episode since you started thank you Rabbi olowski thank you and bigus that you're continuing to be Mar to CL um we're still in the middle of this terrible situation where we're trying to destroy Hamas and uh root out the evil that has plagued us um and cause so much terrible torus and uh I know we do the question answers at the end but I got a question it says could you give uh you know some positive uh you know message and positive stories that have come out of this Etc and the answer is no I really can't not that they're not there it's just that uh I don't know I can't speak for anybody else here but you ever had like bang your head and you're in terrible pain or you cut yourself with somebody and somebody goes like Oh hm I'm sure it'll work out for the look at the positive you know you don't want to hear it and from my point of view things are still too I'm I'm still in shock I still am it's it's it's weeks but I'm in shock I can't I cannot process it my brain doesn't have the ability to process what's been going on and uh so I've spoken about this in the past but the gamar Bros where M says to I want to see you says well you can't see my front you'll see see my back so Hashem has a front theem has a back so the gar says he showed him the knot of hisin sh Ro showed him the knot of his head filling so what does this mean so what it means is Moshe wanted to understand why bad things happen and Hashem says you won't understand them as they're happening but when it's over you'll look back and then you'll understand it and that's the mush of thein because you see somebody wearing pill and you see two straps in front of him but unless you go to the knot at the back you don't understand where it's coming from so when when this is over and amem we will be Victorious and we will wipe out the terrorists and please God save the hostages and you know have uh Yeshua then you know I'll be happy to try to give a more positive spin but right now um there are too many uh Jews who are suffering uh here in Israel and abroad because of the anti-Semitism and terrible things that are happening for me to try to to be positive about it um so uh so mem that day will come and uh we'll look back and uh look at the N of the filling and try to see the positive you know but at the moment right now we're grieving yeah there's a a Time to mourn and the time to celebrate this is the time to mourn anyway uh just wanted to uh address that question because I know that uh all of us are trying to make sense out of things and and get there and the one thing that we have focused on in the ri alasi show is shmir shabas big people have told us that this is part of the key to being able to uh you know one of the things we should be working on at this time is is shabas so last time we talked about Mal we talked about the don'ts said sh at the same time sh are the are the and uh I spoke last time about the malas and how to try to maybe give them a more positive spin I want to talk now about the uh concept of K chabas chabas yeah and uh I had a friend of mine whose father uh ran a takeout place you know in Brooklyn he says my father would run in uh few minutes before Li benching take a quick shower get dressed and run off to Shaw and he smelled like chicken and cougle the whole [Laughter] shabas now maybe some people enjoy that you know I mean the new cologne cougal you know say little bit here and there but uh but what he meant is that he was so busy you know at the shop they didn't really have a a chance to get ready for shabas one of the things of being here in ER shell is on a chabas things closed down early when we first mov moved here it was a big shock to us I don't know if it still exists but when we lived in faran 35 years ago there was a fruit store that also had groceries called big banana on Rockaway Turnpike and if we ever forgot that we needed something I would quickly hop in my car and rush off the big banana and get whatever we needed you know for shabas came toell and that option did not exist when the storees closed the store's closed and you can see people outside like desperately bangging on the door you know sorry we're closed you know so uh they were gim that people have if you want to uh you know you need kalas you need wine you know you need baby wipes because people know that once shabas comes in that's it I have found my big banana this is if you live in Rim here's here's my secret big banana I haven't been there in a long time I haven't been there before Co so I don't know if anything changed but in uh the giant Bells sh that big gigantic thing so there's a A mikah in the bottom and there's now it's not unusual that outside of the Mikvah they'll sell you know cougles and uh sometimes kalas sometimes cake you know sometimes dips I always thought it was ironic to sell dips outside the mikah but okay and uh you know you could pick up a few things but there they had a whole lot col it I I was once very you know it was getting late and I was certain things I desperately needed so I I took a chance I went there oh the place was hopping everything you could possibly want house housewares flowers clothing whatever you needed was there at the uh at the viance mikf superstore but in general you have to plan ahead make sure you have everything that you need make sure it's there when is the mol clothing when is everything happening because that's it at least the last few hours there's nothing there so uh so that gives you a chance to really um try to prepare yourself for shabas as opposed to just being busy in working to the last minute and then running in and uh like like a crazy person so um I remember uh somebody who is one of the gab for the AL Bost Reba in Boston and um uh he was in his house and he still had to get to the Mika and he had to take care of some things and he was setting things up for for the rabber in the house and and he knocked over a plant and it fell on the carpet and all the dirt came out the plant came out and he was very late he says and I was about to use a what we called during the Nixon Administration an expl of Del of yeah he going to say a naughty word and he's like I and he looks and the Reb is standing right there and he says I was just about to use a bad word the rebel looked at me and he looks at the plant and he goes na na na na he says what can I do I laughed I I had to laugh it all went away all the anger disappeared and I picked up the plant and I cleaned it up and I got to the Mikvah and I came back in time and everything worked out fine but you know there there was that uh that that that pressure that pressure that things are going to take care of it so the idea is covered yandi one of the things is we walk into uh shabas like a men benching is 40 minutes before a lot of people play fast and loose you know with those last 40 minutes I'm not saying that there's never a time to use it but you're supposed to use those 40 minutes uh and add them on to chabas that's the idea of to shabas that's how we do it here in the holy city of Y and the holy city of P which also does 40 minutes because PV was founded by people from was a very very firm town in fact in Old there were never any Crossroads the roads always turned because they didn't want to make a cross yeah so uh the uh they also do 40 minutes but okay in America it was 18 minutes but you want to get to shore with enough time you may able to DAV to be able to get yourself mudar you know uh uh um I was in Miami I was staying by a very hush of fellow by the name of Dr makovski and um he uh he always got to ding like 10 minutes before the time and I commented on this once and he says I don't understand people who just walk into Shore in the middle of ding you know don't you need time to prepare yourself to get yourself ready the same is true with chabas you can see by people running in at the last minute you know the the the idea of being able to do it so being shabas is what I want to talk about a little bit today and how we can be makab chabas so um obviously we talked uh few podcasts ago against about preparation for shabas uh I want to talk about what we can do to be M there is always a concept of having big day shabas yeah this is my big day shabas you find it in you know onm you should wear your big day chabas here big day chabas this is that it's a way of being chabas is by putting on that are forab um very interesting was a fellow was working in the Rada um American fellow and he was part of the mrai community and mrai don't wear uh suits and ties uh on uh on chabas they wear dark slacks and and a white shirt and uh you know sometimes a special kipasa sometimes a you know nice pair of sandals whatever it is so he's all dressed up in a suit you know and he says you know I my suit I write it off uh as uh as a tax deduction because I only use this for work you know and chavas I don't wear this so uh it's it's a funny thing how are you m Chavis if you always wear suits and you always Wear Ties you know I mean like you always wear nice shoes you know how do you how do you differentiate the answer is they are my dras clearly they are my dras and uh you know a person has to take that into to account that I have my big day shabas what I say for chabas and uh whether there it's a nicer shirt and uh a nicer tie nicer suit a nicer hat nice pair you know tells the story about uh you know it was a whole invol story but there was one line that stuck with me I reminded him about it years later where he says this us Shel me you know he was was going to a wedding so he got dressed for the for the wedding he put on his other hat otherwise you know he he was always more or less wearing big day shabas but to be able to have um clothing shabas shoes shabas hat if you wear a hat shabas you know shirt shabas suit there is a concept of having some special bodm for shabas and special shoes for shabas yeah that shabas has to be different AEL TBA says that when he was in the in the ghetto World War II he says his mother would make them wear their clothes inside out all week and then wear it right side up for shabas they they didn't have any clothes other than the clothes on their back something that you know that this is shabas clothes I'm going to M chabas with my clothing and uh uh you see people sometimes are not so careful they come in with clothing that is not for shers now sometimes people can't afford it I understand that there's nothing you can do you know person has to uh do the best that they can H with what they have yeah um but uh but a person who's in a position yeah when uh they 1967 we finally got access once again to the kiso Mari the Western Wall the stier didn't go so someone asked him why aren't you going to the kiso he says I only own one frock and if I tear Crea on it I won't have anything to wear so someone lent him another frock go to the yeah people literally had nothing with h Zach kek manur used to fill up shot glasses of oil so someone said to him you know your grandfather Yeah he used wax candles and he blew them out after 30 minutes he says you know why CU my grandfather had one shirt had one jacket I have a lot of shirts I have a lot of jackets so I'm in a position that I can spend more money my Kana than he could have you know so uh uh so how you do this I I don't know you know uh I my son uh who is uh much classier than I am all my kids are much classier than I am uh so he says to me you know the fancy shirts are Charles turt so by the way just to show you how I'm the uh the Tor I'm actually wearing my Charles toet shirt for the podcast so that's how much I I love and admire you people I put on my big day shabas anyway so he say I'll get you a bunch of shirts I only wear a Mavis and uh uh for some reason they don't have any pockets that's the good thing I wear it on shop is because where where am I supposed to put my uh my kosher cell phone or my glasses or my pen or all the other accoutrements that a person always needs you know to have with them you know but uh you know so I save those for shabas those are my shabas shirts you know um uh I always try when I buy a new shirt suit I save it at least the first time for yff and then that's my shabas suit you know I have a shabas hat that uh is not as Dusty and beaten up I have I have my very very old beaten up hat that I wear when it rains and then I have my hat which is a little Dusty and a little beaten up and that's my regular hat and then I have a nice shabas hat keeping in a box and everything you know and uh and that's my shabas hat so yeah understand chab with your clothing as much as you can right and again depends where you're coming from now obviously with food we talked about this when we talking about preparation you know you make food that you know people are going to enjoy yeah um when I used to run ncsy so secular kids they didn't eat very much it's because they didn't know what gilter fish was they had no frame of reference you know so this one original director he tolds me he says I gave up he says I serve spaghetti and meatballs the kids love it that's what I I give on Friday night instead I said I hold learning how to appreciate Jewish food yeah is part of their they're going to learn to eat it darn it My Dead Body you're going to eat that cuz the food has significance why do we get filter fish people people don't know this why they can filter fish the reason is because fish have a lot of Bones you have a problem with B so and you eat fish you know fish has a lot of bones in it you have to be careful take it out yeah especially carp carp has a lot of Bones it's very bony so what would they do they would clean out the fish they would debone it they'd mix some stuff in and they would they would Gill the fish that's yish the way you say fish in Yiddish is fish and the way you say to fill is to Gill so they would geill the fish so it was a Gil fish and uh and that's why you can still buy here in Earth so I don't know if you can get in America you still get America real gilter fish where you buy a slice of carp and there's some fish F around it and the filter fish in the middle yeah um at some point someone said I just figured out we don't have to fill the fish we could take the stuffing and make it like and put it in the water and then eat it like that so the term geil the fish is really uh it's really a misnomer yeah uh but uh you can still get real good filed fish but the but the reason people get filed fish is H it take us away from from uh you know from having a problem with bones yeah uh chalant why why do people a chalant because there's a Mitzvah to eat hot food on shabas Day the has a very curious line where he says anyone who doesn't e you know you have to make sure that he's really a Jew which is kind of kind of harsh I think but the reason is because um theim who were very popular uh in the nin 900s the thousands into the 1100s they made up their own interpretation of the Torah and that's why they call themselves cim is Torah C right mikra so they said where where're purists and it [Music] says don't make a fire so they would literally not have a fire on chabas so they wouldn't have any hot food and we say no you make the fire beforehand they said no it's not what it says so that's why eating hot food so you want something that cooks that lasts a long time so they used to put in the gamar says BS Shore Ox meat apparently Ox meat takes a very long time to cook and become worthwhile um and so you try to put in a meat that will stand up to Long cook cooking uh and they would put in beans beans was another one uh um because you can cook beans for a very long time anyone who has ever made their own ruia knows how long it takes for you to be able to cook beans so that they become edible anyone who's ever raided the chalant on Friday night finds that the beans may not be as soft as you might like them they need more time so someone told me once and again I never bothered to check this out it might be totally false but chulent is from the French lent is like beans like lentils you know sh and is supposed to be hot sh lent I don't know if it's true at all but um hot beans because you find food that you can cook for a very long time um so there's there's significance to the food that we eat on chabas but obviously you know you got to you got to know who you are and what you are and what works with it you know um one of my uh uh dietitians I went through a number of them some of them committed suicide some turned to drugs and alcohol but uh um I was I was a hard case but uh um one of them said to me once goes I don't understand you from Jews she says to me says I went to a I went to a from meal so first I sit there now this is qu on in America when I was growing up you never did this right you you you sat down to the meal you had a piece of filter fish and you had uh you had soup and then you had some brisket you know potato you know she goes I don't know you go to and they put out 20 dips dips and salads you know and uh and they just keep slicing of Kala keep eating them more dips and more dips he goes okay that was at least a meal that's it now bench that's a meal says then they bring out the fish the soup you just had a second meal then they bring out the main course you know the meat or the chicken and the and the potatoes and the rice this is an Israeli thing I don't to do this in America where they serve both potatoes and rice you have to get in all the starches you know sometimes there even a vegetable you know what I mean and that's another meal then they bring out the dessert what they bring out for the desserts that's a whole meal by itself you eat four meals Friday night so uh so there's no question uh that's that's uh a more of a middle eastern thing it's actually a gamarra because the gamar says that they used to eat everything with pass that's why you ever see these people when they serve you know fruit salad for a first course to avoid the sh of of a br they eat it with bread fruit salad really wasn't meant to be eaten with bread you never see anybody having a fruit salad sandwich it just it just doesn't happen you know but they used to put out all their food like that in little bowls s and they would put out you know lafas you know those the the big uh big petas you know and you just sit there and dip that's how they ate everything was in a dip you know soak it up in the bread you know um I've never given this recipe I somebody just wrote me and said more recipes okay I never gave my mom's frazy recipe you know um this is a uh this is a uh a little more labor intensive than I like to do but it's one of my mom's recipes she never gave me to make fry but I watched to do it and so I think I have it down more or less um you fry up onion and garlic fry it up it doesn't have to be dark brown but it has to be like you know at least translucent and then you start adding in chicken parts the way my mother did it was with uh wings and necks and that's what my mom put in and they would Stir It Up Until it got browned together with the onions and the garlic and then uh she would add um garlic and paprika salt and pepper that's all my mother ever used yeah add that in and you add in a little bit more paprika cuz you want to get dark and then you start get real thick yeah then you add some water and you let it sim a little bit and then she adds the puppets I don't know what they call puppets in America here they call it coravan and they're the little puic of the uh gizard I think they're gizzards um of the chickens you put those in it gives a very special taste some people love them I don't like them but they definitely give the fry taste you know and youve mix that all up together and then she would take chop meat uh maybe a little garlic that was it and make little meatballs and put it in add water and then she would uh boil it up cook it up my kids are not such fans of the uh the wings and the necks so we started adding pys so that there was more chicken there and um and then uh and then uh they we started adding in whole pieces of chicken and one of the things I've done that my mom never would have done but which I do is that I now put in those mesh bags I put the Nets the the necks and the wings you know so that doesn't all fall apart together um and that's it it's very tasty but there's one thing that's missing and I learned this from my nephew Michael arski when he was here one uh one meal when we served the frazy he goes it's good but the gravy is not thick you have to thicken the gravy so that when you serve The Fraze after you eat the frazy you can sop up the gravy with the kala so I started adding flour if you are a neoy cook then you may not know this if you're experienced cook you know this ready never add the flour it'll just Clump it you have to first put it into a cup with cold water and mix it in and then you pour it in and you add it enough until it becomes thickened yeah you could use corn starch too I suppose um but we use flour and uh and that's the idea that you soop up the gravy but that's how they used to eat everything everything was eaten with bread so you want to make sure that uh you make these kind of things because people like them now I have children God bless them keep them that make every one of the dips themselves they make their own Kus they make their own they make their own M they make all their own things themselves every single dip is homemade and a little salads and and everything it's you know now someone told me that by certain families that's all they eat by that point they have a piece of fish and they're done cuz you so much kala and dips Etc but uh but if that speaks to you that speaks to you right um some people are not get filed fish Fisher Okay so they make salmon uh if you ever read the recipe sections in these from magazines and I'm not gesting it but if you do every single issue has another type of salmon you know this kind of salmon that kind of salmon added to this added to that this yeah a million different ways of making salmon yeah uh some people um you know like more like fried fish with a little tartis sauce if you have if you don't have tartis sauce uh take um mayonnaise and mustard mix them together I can't give you proportions and then add a little uh hot hot dog relish but the hot dog just the relish mix it up together that'll that that's a very passable tartis Source um but uh you know so something like that okay but know who you're doing my uh yeah this is orb out in uh out in M mat yah so my son-in-law told me that you know we Friday night is chicken soup my kids will Rebel there'll be open Rebellion on my hands if we don't serve chicken soup Friday night you know and uh we we serve chicken soup and uh but his mother makes a different soup every week and at at shabas meal at some point says what soup do you want for next week she has a whole variety of soups and people make different types of soups yeah we make uh chicken soup all I don't think I have to give a recipe for chicken soup I don't think but I will just in case there are people who don't know how to make chicken soup um first of all I put in a whole chicken cuz we like boiled chicken we make different make stir fries make other things with h with the boiled chicken you put in a whole chicken that's really there's a big there's a big uh Mila there it really helps your chicken soup when you put in whole chicken and water and then we boil it up and we keep skimming off the yiki stuff on the top until it's more or less clear um and then we add in two or three onions Sig in the size of the pot and we add in 6 to 10 carats chopped up depending on the size of the pot and how many little kids are there because most of them only take their chicken soup of carrots and uh put in one or two stalks of uh of celery chopped up and uh um and a parsnip which you cannot get in Israel you can get a parsley root which we pretend is is a parsnip but parsnip is it's complet different vegetable you can get in America and uh that's it that's all my mother put in yeah uh my wife was mades to add a zucchini squash and now we add the squash and to tell you how what a great Innovation this is my mother changed her chicken soup recipe after 60 years based on my wife and started adding zucchini into it so how much zucchini again it depends on the size of zucchini in the pot but it gives it a nice rich flavor and uh and then um we take some Dylan parsley I put it also in a little mesh bag because not everybody likes to have the little leaves in it but some Dylan parsley uh add it as much as you can towards the end because it it's the gives the smell more than the taste so uh you know and then it all depends on what people like some people like chicken some people like uh my wife used to make this wonderful chicken that I was I always loved it's almost like a chicken catch tor it's in like a tomato sauce uh wine and mushroom type of a sauce on the chicken but not all my kids like it so we don't have it that often but uh roast chicken with potatoes um cook for a long time so the potatoes are nice and soft H um or breaded chicken which is really very simple which is basically you take a cup of matz and a/4 cup of onion soup mix mix it together and then you coat the chicken with mayonnaise and then sprinkle the mixture on top on bottom and bake it it's uh we call the bre chicken very popular in my in my uh circles and uh listen You'll see what what what people like you know um uh the the point is you chabus with the food and then you buy treats listen there's a concept of having an on shavis of having treats um how much depends on who you are and how many kids you have and what kind of stuff and there are different types of treats for different types of people and it also depends how bad your type two diabetes is and your heart disease but uh you know you look at it and you say okay what what will be fun and enjoyable on a summer afternoon you know shabas and a Summer Afternoon you get a watermelon and slice that up at some point it makes everybody happy everyone's happy when there's watermelon out there um uh some people are War a fish inad other people are not some people like to have some schnaps and I can only caution uh go see the videos that were put out about people who you know mask their alcoholism as on shabas so it's one thing to have a it's another thing to get yourself drunk there's no there's no excuse for that um and uh you know whatever whatever you think is going to be M chabas with your food beyond that yeah um okay so when I was a teenager um I was an fbt most people are familiar with an ffb that's from from birth uh most people are familiar with the term BT that's about chuva some people are familiar with the term you know don't have an initial they don't believe in it but uh you know everybody things anyway I I used tell people I was an fbt what's an fbt that's a flaming Bal Chua I was a flaming balua these are the people who carry around a spear looking for you know zimy extremely religious intense and there's a certain level of intensity you know I got from a 12 you know that I just could not um ever recreate later in life you know there's that certain a certain excitement and fire passion teenag have um there was a fellow who used to do a a comedy routine he became from and he would do a whole you know comedy routine on becoming from and and what was involved it was very funny routine anyway after he did a follow-up show and he says I want to announce I'm no longer B Chua now I talk during doing a sad commentary but I was a flaming bcha so you have to understand that my family was not sh shabas at this point so okay so shabas day wasn't a problem I basically had the house to myself but Friday night there was all kinds of stuff going on so I come in one Friday night and one of my brothers turned on the light in my room we had to get something so uh I can't sleep with the light on it really ruined my shabas so the next week I taped the light switch now my father would come home and uh we had Friday night meal he made Kish manit's extra heavy Malaga that was it and then he would wash nobody else washed he would wash he' make hot we Hadas and little salt salt uh dish that he would diping in and um and then we would uh uh you know soup and brisket and and whatever it was you know then everybody would watch TV and do whatever they were going to do anyway I'm at the Friday night dinner and the same brother says to me you know it's the weirdest thing I had to get somebody from your room and someone put tape on the light switch and sure enough I go in and the light is on you know so um I had to unscrew the light bulb before shabas and hide it on the bottom of my closet now that was more involved than what might imagine because you remember this was the end of the 60s the beginning of the 70s and everything was still very mod mod if you remember that the the uh tie dye shirts and the bell bottoms you know it was one of these fancy you know type of light fixtures with these six Globe light bulbs I went every Friday icrew all six light bulbs and hide them at the bottom of my closet so and uh I had a little NightLight that would leave in in my room and just to show you what I mean by a flaming Bal Chua you know I had a uh I had a highriser and the bottom highriser was in terrible shape but I would sleep on that all week and then I would put it away and I would sleep on my regular bed on chabas that was how I wanted to beab chabas and I wanted that my room should be some sort of uh of a Haven where you could feel shabas even if you couldn't feel shabas any place else in my room you could and uh it's very hard when you're someplace and they're not keeping chabas and you want to keep chabas uh to maintain it and so you have to be very honest with yourself how can I be M chabas based on where I am and my circumstances yeah so there's a story I didn't check out the story but I told it over at my shabas table once and a girl says it's true I went out with him yeah this guy was his name was David he he went to uh I remember the the name it's a good name David uh he went to asaar and he became shabas and he goes back home to his family which is in the middle of nowhere in California there's no sh there's no anything and he's trying to keep shabas and his whole family is not keeping shabas and so he ends up spending all Friday night night in his bedroom by himself and it's the only time the family gets together as Friday night as they watch TV that's what they do and um he's sitting in his room shabas after shabas and it's really getting depressing he has the TV muffled in the distance and people laughing having a good time and he's stuck in his room by himself and he finally can't take it anymore after X number of weeks and he says God I can't handle this anymore if you still want me to keep chabas then you have to send me a sign and uh he I give you till midnight says to God to give me to Give Me A Sign okay it's 11:00 no Miracle 11:30 no Miracle 11:45 11:59 he doesn't even got give God the extra minute you understand he says that's it 11:59 he walks out where everybody's watching TV and at the time they were watching David Letterman now I heard the story with Robin Williams but someone said to me you can look look it up uh online and it was really uh um Tom Hanks but I don't know this is how I heard it and uh evidently they're having a conversation and David letman says I understand that you uh just went to Israel he says yeah he say did you pick up in the Hebrew he says yeah and he turns and looks just at the camera as this guy walks in and says shabbat shalom Dave and you know on Friday they knock off about 1:00 Dave yeah 1:00 there you know sipping cappuccinos at the at the dies Golf and here in America of course we have to work on Fridays still hard at work yeah I'm telling you shabbat shalom Dave shabbat shalom and the guy goes there was his sign from God and he ran back to his room and kept every chabas [Laughter] afterwards so what is covered shabas you know a person uh should definitely take a shower if you have the Min to go to the Mikvah go to the Mikvah if you go the to go to Mikvah take a shower beforehand because you don't want to go dirty into the Mikvah it's not fair if you have the minute to go to the Mikvah take a shower when you come out because of this is's line not me he he also told jokes because you don't know who's been in there and what they've been doing you know and uh you know so uh and it's always it's always kind of tricky you know some people I like to go to the Mikvah as soon as I can after as I put it I like to go when the water is not transparent but is at least translucent because as shavas goes on Friday goes onab is it gets [Laughter] murky I go to the hot mikah and you see everything there it's like you all you have to do is tosen an onion and a carrot and you got a soup there you know I mean so uh you know but so people people like to go closer to shabas so that they're all ready for shabas you know and uh you know so I will sometimes take another shower shower before shabas just to to be ready but uh my rebi went to Mikvah every day M Shapiro and uh um and I uh I try to do that as well and um so uh so you know a person should make sure and be clean be ready anticipate shabas get ready for it make food that people like have treats do whatever you can so that people stress the that shabas should be something that is by by its nature something that is enjoyable and that's different for every person like I say for children it's nuts and candies as the uh the gar says and uh for adults it's BS ofan and um for other people it's tofu God bless them and keep them but uh but that's the story so whatever it is that is going to add to your uh Co shabas we have a mitvah from the T to do it that is the fine wine Fine Food fine conversation yeah I try to make an effort to engage shabas guests and I try to prepare things to say over at the shabas table depending on my audience uh it might be the Torah it might be riddles it might be uh you know things like that that'll that'll make it more enjoyable and we have to make an effort to as much as we can to be and that brings us to the question and answer portion of our program Anonymous asks throughout safe abous we see the others giving new names to places MOS Wells and so on for example he called it what is the meaning of giving a new name to a place it's a very interesting concept let me let me try to put this uh into a context first two kids get into trouble at school for doing the same exact thing one kid gets sent home and the other kid gets a store a Stern talking to what's the difference the first kid is a troublemaker and he's always making trouble he's always getting into trouble and so when he does something it's predictable and fits in with who he is the other kid is a good kid never did anything bad and so okay this was uh this action was a casha it wasn't it wasn't a Chua it was a question why he did this and so okay we C him a little slack there's a big difference when something bad happens in a bad place and when something happens in a good place and that's why you find in thatu comes into and he DAV in because he sees what's going to happen and he DAV by ey because he sees what's going to happen and he davins according to the in the place that's going to become mishan Sho to establish that place and wherever he sees there's going to be troubles for CLA Isel he builds a m he davens he does something to make this a positive place and thus negate the negative consequences that are going to take place um this is similar to the view in the D that theim came from to onim that would be done there because once they used shim as the place to get the materials for the m so they're able to establish it and as you know when you have a child and you give them a name the name the decides their fate to a certain extent right names tell stories and there's energy that goes into that name and it says the only time that parents have navua is when they um name their children I think it's also when they go away and leave the kids in charge of the house they also have the what's going to happen but uh but the point is that you know name defines the essence of something it's not just you know Mel Brooks and col Rond used to do this routine the 2000 year old man and uh he says to him where the names come from he says well most names are iount to pay it you know he says really for example egg says listen very closely as a chicken is laying an egg and you hear it go he says well shower shower cuz you turn on the water and go sh and you go in and the water's too hot you go shower shower anyway he does this with a bunch of words he goes and what about why is a nose called a nose this because otherwise it would be a ear what kind of stupid question is that it's a nose because it's a nose so as Shakespeare says a rose by any other name would smell as sweet it's true because in English words don't mean anything but Ines every word shows you the essence of something and you see that people have done this throughout history with names of places and things as well you know so that um when uh people started moving to America I don't know who it was who came up with the uh expression but it was called Amara an empty people um the British uh called britsh the people of the Covenant or the Commonwealth if if you will um I don't think it was by chance that Russia was called Russia you understand so things have significance in their names and uh they dashed Poland when they came to Poland they dashed Poland here we will live and in fact the Jews lived there for a thousand years so um so names of places and of things I'll never forget uh the election between George W bush and uh and John kery and there were posters up here in Israel in Hebrew some people uh supporting Bush and some people supporting Kerry and I'm looking at them in Hebrew and I say this is a contest between a person who is just an embarrassment and a person who represents Tuma Carrie and Bush you know so names are significant and so when when the others name something they were giving it the C that was going to go into that place and our next question is also by Anonymous yes a lot you've mentioned some of the large English literature works that you have read does the fact that you have ADD affect you in this regard I'm sorry what was the question I'll tell you the truth the add does not affect me as much as the dyslexia and it's only because I really enjoyed reading that I was able to more or less Master my dyslexia as a kid in English in Hebrew it's still because it goes in the other direction it just really messes up with my brain but but I forced myself to read but I would get to the bottom of a page and completely forgot what I read that was ad I have to go back and read it again you know and sometimes I have to do a couple times so I was highly motivated because I really enjoyed books I enjoyed them so uh for me to be able to get through it was very hard uh when I finally mastered it in Hebrew and master is a long term I wouldn't say I've mastered it but uh I can at least manage I mean I give a daishu now and I have to prepare a lot of Aramaic which goes in the wrong direction and it's not unusual for me to get halfway down the dff and completely forget what I saw I have to go back and read it again and uh I met a fellow who was a Ros K and he said to me once he goes you're complaining about your add because I had ADHD says we were the kids who got beaten cuz we were bouncing off the walls you they would just sit in the back of the classroom and you go you know he says well we got into real trouble so um uh he says so reading for me is very hard so when I'm saying over a rashba I have a tremendous advantage of everybody else because they read it one or two times and I had to read it 20 or 30 times to get it down because of my disabilities so that gave me a leg up in the understanding by Anonymous I've heard the r quote of M Shapiro about how the yeshivas can't be fixed but it has to be built from scratch again what do you say to a Yeshiva B in the system who is having a hard time oh so I'll put it in the context or is we saying Hebrew contexture yeah it was my son my son was having a very hard time in yeshivas and he was complaining to and that's when he said it's a disaster and very pessimistic so my son says so what do you do soel says what do you do says when there's no when there's no man be a man man up so you're right you don't have a rash and you don't have a mas and don't have but you have yourself gave you unbelievable you have to take care of yourself you have to fix yourself that's what he said to my son and so therefore um I say if you have someone who's M like my son he's very strong so uh you know he he could man up he's finished sh a few times on his own you know and if you're not then supplement yeah get someone to learn with him get somebody to be metap with him get someone to work with him do not leave him to the system I've mentioned this in the past and my wife would sometimes go to these uh parent teachers meetings and the teacher would say you know I could tell your daughters come from a very special home and my wife to be nice would say well it's such a special you know school and the the teachers who were smart that's how they knew that that these weren't average kids teachers either hated my kids or loved my kids kids depending on how intelligent they were the intelligent ones loved my kids so she says oh it's a wonderful school and she says I know what the school is it must be your home so between our home and whatever other resources we can muster we need to do everything we can to be advocates for our children and make sure that we're able to help them and not just throw them to the system and the last one by Anonymous I find that I space out a lot and it could be from routine do you have any AES yeah you're talking to a uh spaceouter yeah um er you have to remember that you are not a victim you and like I say it doesn't sound like you suffer from add this is just an occasional thing from routine I whose mind just wanders all over the place um I have had to develop techniques over the years to be able to do it and the answer is you are not a victim you have control over your mind so I can't stop my mind from wandering but I can make a conscious decision to pull it back this is one of the problems I have in doic and that's why I always look for a fast minion because if it's a long drawn out minion I'm gone okay Abraham Abraham went unto hararia to bring his son as a Corbin and I thought about that the last time I went to the kle when was the last time I went to the Cil I haven't been there in a while I really need to go to the Kil who uh why am I going to park mean the list of I went I walk through the a shook but I don't if that's a good idea right now you know took a taxi and by this time they already up to kadua you understand so when I find my mind stop wondering I go okay back yeah K we know who that is yov okay yeah he had the dream with the ladder you know I have a ladder did I oh was it broken I don't think it was broken but where is it I had trouble open it so okay pull yourself back pull yourself back you are you have the ability to take control of yourself you do not have to just let events control you you can control events there are some things that are not within our control but just because we cannot control everything doesn't mean we can't control anything and and so if a person's mind wanders I can't always help that just like anger right there are people who have an anger problem and that really infuriates me but uh they said what do you do when you you get angry he says a the anger is a spark your job is not to give it any fuel I can't stop that initial spark perhaps but put it out let it extinguish itself before you feed onto it and work yourself into a a friend will you foing at the mouth and kill everybody put it out get control I'm a human being I'm not an animal I'm not a creature of habit and I can make my own decisions and that's it for this week if you want to find out more about the show you can go to my website rev ali.com you can leave a comment ask a question uh sponsor an episode sponsor a question and answer sponsor a five minute paraa which is a new feature that we have started uh you can um uh you can uh Join one of our online sh and uh that's it for this week until next time I am DAV olowski and this has been the rabbi olowski show it's the rabbi orlovski show Tor and S ready to go the rabbi orlovski show knowledge and wisdom will help you grow lots of fun in every episode and we don't have to rhyme no it's the rabbi orlovski show on Rabbi ori. comom Tor anytime you two and more it's 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