Purim: When Hashem Hides (Ep. 318)

Hello. Welcome to the Rabbi Alaski show. I am Rabbi Alaski. And this is a special perm edition of the Rabbi Alaski show. Whether you're watching with our friends and producers of our attorney time, who by the way just finished their [music] fundraising drive. I want to thank all of my listeners who [music] participated. I recognize a lot of your names. I don't know how to answer everybody personally, but let me give a public shout out to everybody who helped uh to almost get me to my goal. I'm $200 short. >> [laughter] >> And but baruch Hashem, baruch Hashem, to everybody who participated and uh and wherever you gave it, even if you gave it to other speakers and they got the credit for it instead of me, I have no problem with that. It's not It's not just my cover. I don't really care. Anyway, it's not important everyone knows what an anav I am. It's probably one of my greatest middos. But in any event, uh it's nice to have you along for this experience. And whether you're watching with our two friends at attorney time or wherever you watch or listen to your podcast, if it's appropriate, don't forget to subscribe and like and comment and and I don't know something else you're supposed to do when these things Anyway, whatever it is, so that the algorithm can push it up It's amazing how many people there are out there wearing our you know, seventh year, and people are only now discovering the show. And then they go back and watch six and a half years of this. And many of these people are then put into a detox center for a very long time because there's only so much of this you can handle and then it just pushes you over the edge and then you end up starting to talk with a um comical Long Island accent and you say things like I am. >> [laughter] >> Whatever the case happens to be. So listen, I appreciate it. I I you know, as I'll say more than the calf wants to nurse from its mother, the mother wants to give to the child. So what an opportunity. I I've mentioned this beforehand friends that I meet uh and acquaintances and they say, "Oh yeah, yeah, I started a podcast, you know." I said, "Oh, I have one, too." And then how many how many listeners? And when I tell them, they're really very surprised because they would love to be able to have your support that I enjoy of people who are listening. Yeah. And uh and that's it. We we keep expanding, coming up with new things. We just had some guests. We haven't had guests in a while. So we had some guests and we have some more coming up and uh you know, of course we have the parsha in five and the question and answer and the online shiur. Uh it's we're doing a lot. I went in the first Pesach program. So uh it's uh it's baruch Hashem. Baruch Hashem. A lot going on in our community. This is the Rabbi Aaron Laski community. Uh I always wanted to be a synagogue rabbi and uh I never got a job and um but this is it. This is this is my this is my congregation. Yeah. These are my people and uh and I thank you for that very much. And we have a sponsor for this week, Burke Marcus from the Marcus family. Leiloy Nishmas Ethel Bass Dovid. And the neshama should have an aliyah. It's a tremendous thing. You are being marbitz Torah to tens of thousands of people. You really need to reflect on that. This is an amazing thing. Um I have I had a time when I used to teach mamish yomam valaila. I was running from yeshivas and seminaries and back and forth in different kind of places. And one by one I lost my various jobs through my wit and personality. >> [snorts] >> So uh I started to feel bad. Especially as I mentioned 12 years ago I almost died. And I said the Kodesh Baruch Hu basically kept me alive for something. As far as I can tell it's to be a prop at my grandchildren's simchas. That's the only reason I'm still here. So eventually they're going to wheel me out and say, "Okay, Zayde, make the hamotzi. Woo! Okay, good. Take him back to the home." >> [laughter] >> Uh >> [clears throat] >> somebody was just coming in saying, "You know, why don't you fix this in your house or that, you know?" And I said, "I'm 67. I'm just waiting now till I start my house starts to get that old people smell." >> [laughter] >> And everything starts collapsing around me. I'm not there yet, unfortunately. But we're working on it. We're working on it. And then eventually we'll sell out to people who just gut the place. >> [laughter] >> Anyway, I don't want to get morbid. And this is Purim is a happy time or is it? Now So so we need to talk a little bit about Purim. And obviously one of the biggest issues, and I've discussed in the past, is the drinking. And what can I tell you? I have to make some observations about drinking on Purim. And of course very important, don't drink and drive. Cuz you'll spill your drink. and then the whole thing was a waste of time. Yeah. And also there are problems that come up. Yeah, when I was in arson when I was in NCSY they used They used to do this thing of And now the boy who forgot to swallow. >> [laughter] >> I never had the guts to do that. >> [laughter] >> It was the first time I ever actually did it. People used to do it in NCSY. I could never bring myself to do it. But for you SPECIAL FIRM TREAT. >> [laughter] >> I'M NOT GOING TO DO that bit from Airplane where he says, "After the war, that's when I developed my drinking problem." And he goes to drink it and like he throws it in his face instead. But you get the idea. >> [laughter] >> But um But that's the idea is that uh we drink on Purim and and I I want to give uh a read on this because I have to tell you in my line of work you deal with uh a lot of problems. A lot of problems if you're going to make yourself a person of the community, then you have to be prepared to take the problems with you. The Cohen Gadol carried the name of Bene Israel on his heart, and he also carried on his shoulders. He understood that he if you're in a position of responsibility and a Cohen myself uh when you're in a position of responsibility, so then you have an achrayis for klal Yisrael. There's a lot of problems out there. And uh you know, I used to tell Rav Wolman zatzal that one of his was that he took it all in his heart and his heart wasn't strong enough to handle all of it. You have to know, you have to know how to be able to handle it and what to do and you know, and and it's scary, but you know that there's there's things that you just can't solve. Can't solve. Um there are people who claim that they are experts in dealing with kids who are off the derech. And anyone who has ever experienced this and knows how incredibly painful it is. And you'll do anything. You'll go anywhere, you'll pay anything, you'll do anything you can to try to help your kid. And nobody has the formula. The closest as I've mentioned many times is Rabbi Keilich, you know, has a has an unbelievable ability to be able to reach people, but uh but when you go to most of these professionals and again, if there's somebody out there that I'm I'm making a mistake and I'm missing, I'd like to know, but um I talked to parents who have spent an enormous amount of money on these people and they talked to the parents. Why? Because they don't know what to do with the kids. So they talked to the parents. And basically their job is to tell you whatever you did was wrong. You were too involved in your kids' life, you weren't involved enough. You were too strict, you weren't strict enough. You were were too this, you were too that, you know. And and these poor parents who are in a terrible matzav. I remember I asked Reb Dovid Cohen many years ago when I myself was in the situation. I said, "Could a parent do everything wrong and a kid goes off?" And he said, "Sure. Look at Esau." Now, so so it's comfortable to be able to say if you had only done this and only done that. And of course parents who are already guilt-ridden what do I think? So, afterwards when somebody would say, "Can you recommend somebody?" I'd say, "Well, who did you hear about?" I would call the person up. And I'd say, "What's your success rate?" And invariably the answer was, "Well, that's so hard to say." I said, "No, it's not." How How many times will you meet with this child and at the end they will be shomer shabbos, shomer kashrus. Not saying they have to wear a black hat or learn gemara. Yeah, they shomer shabbos, shomer kashrus, be able to hold a job and get married. Let's just say that you would have a higher result with a placebo. Give them a little candy pill and say, "Here, take this. You'll have better success than what these people able to produce." And I said, "Do you understand if a doctor had this success rate with with curing anything, nobody would go to them." It's uh That's not called a success rate. That's not the way to go. So, um it's a very rough thing when you're going through something. So, sometimes people come to me and say, "Listen, I have a kid off the derech, you know, can you help me?" And I said, "No, but I can hold your hands and cry with you." Cuz I know what to do either. And if anybody ever does and they figure out how to bottle it, boy, there'll be a fortune. >> [snorts] >> But uh very difficult very difficult situation. I've told this story before. Somebody wrote in and said, "You don't have to keep saying that. We know." >> [laughter] >> We know you told everything already. You've run out of all material. You're just saying it over again. You're like that uncle who says, "You ever hear the one?" And he just keeps There's no same nine jokes, but Okay, I have more than nine. But um uh these Yeshiva bochurim were outside waiting to speak to Reb Moshe Feinstein. And the door was open a crack, and there was an almana in there speaking to him with terrible pain, terrible suffering, such a heart story of absolute horror. The these two boys were just aghast listening to the story. And when she leaves, they're afraid to go in cuz they figure Reb Moshe is going to be a shmatte after this. So they come in, they sit down, and he looks come sanguine. As Bill O'Reilly says, "Word of the day, sanguine." You know, he's he's he's okay. So they said, "How could the Reb be so okay after that terrible story?" So So first he gave him musar. "Don't listen in on people's conversations." That was the first. The second thing he said to him is, "If you're going to take on a part a role of leadership, there has to be a small part of your heart that you lock away and you keep just for yourself because otherwise you'll go crazy. You just won't be able to handle it. It It becomes so overwhelming. In the camps and during the Holocaust there were people who just shut down completely. There was no way they could survive otherwise. The the pain and the horror that they were watching, etc., was so intense. So um So you hear a lot of problems and there's a lot of tsaris out here. Lot of tsaris in this world. I had a student who went off, got involved in psychology. I was dealing with working in a mental institution. And she said to me, "You know, I I I Facebook these people and I see they weren't always crazy. At some point they had a life, they had this, they had that, and then they just they went nuts, they went crazy. Those are not her terms, those are my terms. I'm from a different generation, you know. And and I look at them now and who they were and I said, "That's the worst pain there is." And I said to her, "Be very careful with that phrase, the worst pain there is. Because you talk to parents who've lost children and they'll tell you that's the worst pain there is. And talk to parents who have children with mental and physical handicaps and they'll tell you that's the worst pain there is. And you can find uh people who's kids have, you know, gone off the derech and they'll tell you that's the worst pain there is. I spoke for an organization called A Time for people who are married a very long time and never had children. And they'll tell you that's the worst pain there is. And everyone can bring riotous from chazal for every one of these. And there are people who are sick. You know. There's an Adam Gadol Admor Oad who is on a medication and I went to see him and he was crying that he can't remember his Torah. He can't say shirim, he can't he can't remember things that he said, he can't say it over. And and and he was crying the the pain that he was experiencing. And uh you know, there are kids who are bullied in school to the point that they commit suicide. And uh everybody involved in that will tell you, "Wow, this is the worst pain ever, you know." So when you, you know, you talk about pain, what can I tell you? Everybody, uh has their pain and it's as much as they can tolerate that I could just borrow who gives them. And there are people who wake up in the morning and say, "Why am Why am I getting up for?" What's the point? You know, the Gamara says, "Why don't we say Hallel on Purim?" And the Gamara brings three reasons. One is it happened outside of Eretz Yisrael. And so did Pesach, but that was before you were in Eretz Yisrael. Okay. Um one is the Megillah is the Hallel. That, of course, requires a whole explanation on its own. And the third answer is because it's not such a happy holiday. Because when the story opens, the Beit Hamikdash is destroyed, the Jews are in Galus, and the evil King Achashverosh is in charge of the world. And when the story ends, the Jews are in Galus, the Beit Hamikdash is destroyed, and the evil King Achashverosh is even more in charge of the world. He's even stronger than at the beginning of the story. Don't get me wrong. We all We didn't get killed. That's a good thing. But that's not what we usually call a happy ending. A happy ending is, uh we defeat the Greeks, get to the Beit Hamikdash, and rededicate the Beit Hamikdash. Now, a happy ending is, "Vayai Yisrael Mitzrayim Meis Asvasa Yam." Egypt is dead. It's been destroyed. We're saved. Yay. Or as somebody I I I've said this over I I'm not the wit who came up with it. I don't know who did. I only say it over. I've been given credit for it. You know, and I did not say it. Don't get me wrong. I'll accept it if anyone wants to say it with my name, but I didn't actually say it. Just for a moment of honesty. That every Jewish holiday has basically the same theme. They tried to kill us. They didn't. Let's eat. Yeah? And that's that's more or less the theme. But when you follow the Purim story, it's kind of sad. Haman was instrumental in making sure that the Jews could not return to Israel and rebuild the base of mikdash. Ahasuerus throughout the story says al chatzi ha malchus, but not the base of mikdash. Esther ha malka can never go back to her husband Mordecai. She remains married to this rasha to the end of her life. And the Jews are still in galus when the story ends. There's no base of mikdash. There's no There's no happy ending. You don't always get a happy ending. And it's nice to believe. It's nice to believe that everything will always be tied up with a bow, but until Mashiach comes, we're never going to see a happy ending. I've mentioned this Uh-huh, there you go again. Anyway, I heard from Reb Moshe Shapiro that the names of all the sidrei Mishnah are in plural. Zeraim, Nezikin, Nashim, except for Moed. We don't It's not called seder moadim. It's called seder Moed. Why? Because Moed means appointment. [clears throat] It's like when you see these English translations that translate the Ohel Moed as the tent of appointment. And you wonder, what does that mean? Moed is coming to a point. And since we live in a world that is defined by time and space, you can have a Moed in place and a Moed in time. And so the Ohel Moed, the Mishkan, was the place of appointment. And there's going to come a time that is the time of appointment, Moed. Sometimes you can see that also the appointed times. So what's shot uh Moed? It means that all of time is heading towards a destination. And that destination is obviously going to be Messiah. That'll be the happy ending. Everything until then is a build-up to a K'ilu K'ilu happy ending. That we haven't really reached yet. So I know I know this is the Purim episode, but I give that by way of introduction because I'm going to talk about something a little serious now, so you'll forgive me if I take off my horned hat, but I will keep on my tish bekishe, which uh my nephew uh Josh, who uh you know, is in Baltimore got me once and uh it's uh it's such an exciting thing. It really was really a major upgrade for me in life, but I do try to wear it at least on Purim and sometimes on Friday night. But uh but to tell you the truth, I sometimes get a little overheated. So like when I sit down, I always tell if I have a bachurim, I say, "Feel free to keep on your hats and jackets. Uh I don't want there to be anti-religious coercion here, you know?" But I take off my jacket and I take off my hat and I take off my tie, and I usually stop there. But, uh I met a fellow who was a Rosh Yeshiva. I won't mention who it is. And he mentioned to me once, he's also a very large fellow. I don't I don't mean like, you know, fat, but I mean very tall, and and uh large fellow. And he And he said to me, he says to me, "Tell me the truth, when you get home, isn't the first thing you want to do is take off your shirt?" >> [laughter] >> I said, "Yeah, it is." He goes, "You Many years ago, I had bought in the Arab shuk one of those long Arab-like shirt robes. They're very, very thin. You know, and I go home, I take off my shirt, and I put that on, and it's just uh terrific, you know? And um so uh So, yes, I don't always wear my tish backet, but on Purim, I try to wear my tish backet. So, uh because I'm a closet Hasid, you know? When I When I speak for Hasidic groups, doesn't happen often, but um I uh I always point out, my family came from Vengrov, which is outside of Warsaw. And every Hasid says, "Oh, you're a Ger Hasid." They say, "Oh, Vengrov was Ger." Now, I have no evidence that my grandfather was a Ger Hasid. He didn't dress Hasidic. Uh I saw the machzorim that he had, they were Nusach Ashkenaz. So, I don't know. I don't know if I'm actually Hasidic. But, um silly on Purim, I try to tap into my inner Hasid. But, uh hey, you know, it could be. Could be I'm a Hasid. I have uh I have I think the the makings of uh of a rebbe, if I could learn Yiddish, and learn how to eat the fish with my hands, and uh another skills that are necessary. Wear my hat all day. I have to tell you this story. I heard this story from Yoni Ziegelstein. And uh uh He said, you know, the Lubavitcher Rebbe wore this hat and it was sort of in the shape of a triangle. And um a lot of Lubavitchers to this day press down their hat in three corners to mimic the Rebbe. And there are those that say it's Chokhmah, Binah, and Da'at, which is what Chabad stands for, and things like this. So, Yoni Ziegelstein says, I guess the guy who made his hats and he says, "Why did you make his hat that way?" And the guy laughed. He says, "I didn't." Says, "The Rebbe had to wear his hat all day and so it was uh it was hot. And so he asked me to make the thinnest possible hat that I could. And it didn't hold its shape cuz it was so thin and it would collapse in the middle. And that's the reason it looked that way, but not because he made a decision to to put it down." So, and like I'm saying, you're a Rebbe and you have to wear, you know, have to wear your hat and your and your bekeshe all day, you know. That's not for me. If I was a Rebbe and I could wear like one of those shirts that my friend the Rosh Yeshiva got in the uh air shook, maybe. >> [laughter] >> But anyway, what does it mean Mo'ed? Mo'ed means I'm coming to a destination. In space, that destination is the Mishkan. The Mishkan, which eventually becomes the Beit Hamikdash. Lech lecha, he says to Avraham, el ha'aretz asher are'eka. You are going on a journey to a destination. And what is that destination? It's the Har Bayit. When he brings Yitzchak up as a korban, that is the place. Or as it says by Yaakov, "Vayifka bamakom." The place that is called makom, the place, that's uh that's the Beit Hamikdash, and that's one of the names of Hashem, "Hamakom." "Hamakom yinachem etchem." Yeah? Um "Baruch hu." Yeah? One of the names of Hashem is makom. So, that is the moed in place, but the moed in time is the final destination. There is an illusion, as Newton uh tried to say, that time is infinite. It goes as far as you can possibly imagine in that direction, and as far as you can imagine in that direction. And we say both of those are not true. "Bereishit bara Elohim." At some point, the world began. Poof. And at some point, the world will end. Yeah? It it it's going to come to a conclusion. It's going to come to an end. And that end is Mashiach. That's the destination. That's where time is leading towards. That'll be the final happy ending. But in the meantime, we uh we find happy moments, and yet life is challenging. Life is challenging. Everybody has their challenges. There's a lot of pain out there. A lot of pain. Talk to parents who've lost a child about what the greatest pain is. Talk to parents whose kids went off the derech and ask them what the greatest pain is. Couples who've been married a very long time and couldn't have children. Ask them what the greatest pain is. Talk to older singles who never got married and ask them what the greatest pain is. Uh talk to people who have children with uh illnesses or handicaps, mental or physical. Uh go to Camp Simcha. Go to Camp HASC. And you talk about uh pain. Look at the pain that people are going from. Um go and talk to a nice Yeshiva boy or Bais Yaakov girl whose father's in prison for um financial uh crimes. You know what it is to have to have to to go to school like that? I I had a student whose mother was constantly being arrested for for stealing. And she says, "The only one who knew was my principal and she helped me cover it up." So I could never have girls over my house and my mother never came to any meetings or things. And they say, "Where's your mother?" "Oh, she's she's working. She's busy. She says She says, "Do you understand the pressure that that is for a kid to have to cover up your your parent your mother is is in jail?" Uh and people have chronic illnesses. They have pain. Just chronic pain. You know? You know anybody with terrible arthritis or or fibromyalgia? Or other kinds of pain that are just it's just constant constant pain. Now, people with migraines or they get these migraines that are so intense they just have to lie in a dark room and the pain won't go away. So, when you think about the worst pain, I don't know. Who Who wants Who wants to do that? Everybody gets their pain. Everybody has things that are overwhelming to them. And I can't say what the worst is. Cuz some people can handle certain things and other people can't. When people cannot pay their bills and they're constantly fending off creditors and things like that. What What do I have? Other people they're okay. Okay with that. They can handle that, you know. As you will show me on his deathbed he says, "Of course by I won't be here anymore to take care of my family. I need you to take care of them." Every month borrow from this Gamach and give to the other Gamach take from that Gamach give to this Gamach, you know. And they're juggling. They're juggling. Other people just they just can't handle. I don't I don't have have money to to buy my kids shoes. I was talking to somebody once and he he says he just happened to pick up his kids shoes to put away so there was a hole in the bottom. So, my kids walking around with with shoes with holes in them and he they didn't want to say anything cuz they know he didn't have the money to fix it. So, uh you know. And other people have a very low tolerance. Um They They They go out to eat. They can't find a parking spot. They're beside themselves. They would sit down at the restaurant and they're just so upset when they finally get there cuz they got there late, almost lost their reservation. They're so angry. I was teaching in Yeshiva once and they served hamburgers and there was no ketchup. And this one kid doesn't know how to eat a hamburger without ketchup and he's just wandering around trying to see if anybody has ketchup. He couldn't find ketchup anywhere. He's just He's just beside himself. He He can't function. There's no ketchup. So, okay, you know. Young couple in my building, they she knocks on the door one day. She says, "My heat hot water is not working. Can I bathe my kids here?" Sure. But suddenly there's no hot water, no electricity. It's a big storm in the uh in the Northeast knocked out electricity to a lot of people. You know, reminds me of Hurricane Sandy. You know, people would break into houses just to recharge their phones. That's what they caught this guy. He broke into a house to rob the house, but he fell asleep, you know, cuz it was cold wherever he was or whatever. He fell asleep and they find him. Another person ran away, but they found his phone still plugged in. He forgot to take his phone when he left there. Can you imagine? Uh You You take away a kid's cell phone? It was just a story. The 11-year-old boy shot his father because he took away his uh whatever his his game was. You know, shot him. So, I apparently that was it. That was his point. A lot of people have uh challenging existences. If I can quote Shakespeare in Hamlet's famous soliloquy, "To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune. Whether it's better to put up with all of the sorrows or just to kill yourself. And there are people who do. A from girl killed herself because she was being bullied. She couldn't handle it. Uh yeah. How much can I handle? How much can I take? People don't understand the pain. I met with a phenomena among girls. I I didn't find this really with boys. Uh called cutting. Where girls will literally cut themselves to bleed. Because there's so much pain inside of them they're trying to release it. They They They can feel the physical pain and like let the mental pain out. A family asked me to speak to their daughter because they felt that she was growing weak in her Torah observance. And I talked to her and what the parents neglected to tell me is that she's suffering from mental illness. And they keep trying different meds and they haven't found the right as they call it cocktail yet. That will help her. And [clears throat] I said, "Your problem is not uh that you're growing weak with your Judaism. Your problem is you're struggling and using all of your energy to stay alive." And she said to me, "I feel like if I stopped fighting, I would just die." And I said, "You mean kill yourself?" And she said, "No, die from the pain." Wow. Wow, can you imagine that? I just so much pain I just I just can't handle it. Just can't handle it cuz there's only so much pain people can handle. Hananiah uh and his and his friends agreed to be thrown into a Kushana Ash rather than bowing down to the statue that Nebuchadnezzar put up. And Tyce says that's cuz it was a quick death. If they would have been beaten then they would have broken cuz there's only so much pain a person can handle. And yet we have seen people literally tortured to death rather than to give up what they are and who they believe in. It's a uh it's it's an incredible thing. I mean uh the the pain threshold. Uh when I go for a blood test I I usually tell the nurse I'm usually uh uh under full anesthesia before I do this, you know, cuz I'm just I'm just a coward and I have a very low tolerance of pain. It's absolutely terrible. Yeah. And um and uh I I have carpal tunnel. And so I had to do an operation on my hand. You can still see a little scar here. Where they [snorts] have to cut open your hand you know, and separate it and open it up and So uh So I figured I'd do the left hand first and then I'll do the right hand, you know. Anyway, as he's giving me the injection, he hits a nerve. I cannot tell you the pain. I screamed. Ah. And he continued and he did the operation, and my hand was bandaged for a while, and then I I never went back for the second one. Because I just I couldn't handle the pain. I was just terrified. I'm just terrified. Um when I went for the my first stents, after my open heart surgery, when I had when I had the bypass, so then uh they put in stents. And uh and he says, "I'll go in through the wrist." And one of the other nurses or doctors said, "Are you sure you're going to have enough room?" I said, "Because yeah, yeah, yeah." Anyway, I don't know if you've ever had an angiogram. It's it's really unpleasant. Yeah. And you can feel the wire going through you and this and that into your heart. I was like, "Ah." Anyway, after about an hour, maybe an hour and a half of this, he says, "No, it's not going to go. I have to go through the through the thigh. I'll go in through the thigh." And I said, "Nope, that's it. I'm done." >> [laughter] >> I'm done. Just wrap me up. I'm getting out of here. I'm not taking any more of this. And he whispers something to the nurse, and they put something in my little bag and knocked me out. >> [laughter] >> I had enough. I had enough, you know. Um the the certain people just cannot handle uh the pain to the point where they just they don't want to go on. Want to go on. I had a distant relative. Got old. I don't know exactly what was wrong with him. I didn't get the whole story. But he just decided to stop eating. And he knew he was going to die. He just had enough. And he eventually died. Yeah. A sad story. Very sad story. Um my mom made it to 89. And uh she was in terrible health. She had heart failure for over 20 years and diabetes and all kinds of different problems, you know. She used to tell me I had to run my hands under hot water for 20 minutes just to be able to move them, you know. So when I would call up, I say, "Mom, how you doing?" She'd go, "Unfortunately, still alive." >> [laughter] >> People would say to me, "How's your mom doing?" I said, "Clinging to life with a tenacity that defies reason." >> [laughter] >> But you see people who have And and and my mom said this. It was very interesting thing that made deep impression on me. My father died and uh my mother was 3 years younger than him. It was like 69, let's say. And a year later, she had some kind of complication. I don't know what it was. I called the doctor and said, "Put her in an ambulance and bring her right to the hospital. I'll meet you there." So he meets us at the hospital. So I said, "Is this serious?" He goes, "I don't know. But I know that when people were married as long as your parents, it was almost 50 years. When people are married as long as your parents and one of the spouses die, the other one usually dies within a year or two from something completely different. But just they were so attached that half of them just died. I remember after my uh my father died at one point, I was speaking to my brother. I said, "How's Mom doing?" He goes, "She wants to just climb into the hole and pull the cover over her to be with Dad." Doesn't have any reason to go on. And I said, "Mom, but we all need you." She says, "Okay, you'll be fine." >> [laughter] >> She wasn't She wasn't quite sentimental that way. >> [laughter] >> So, baruch hashem, she lasted another 20 years. 20 years and 6 days to be to be exact. And um but Dave Barry, who's a humorist in the Miami Herald, he writes a story and he says, "You'll forgive me, I'm not going to be funny now." Um and he says, "After my father died, you know, my mother was alone and nobody really wanted them to move in her to move in with them and you know, we would help out as much as we could. And the next thing is she'd come to visit here, visit there. And at some point she says, 'You know, thank you, children. I love you, etc.' She goes home and kills herself." And he says, "We couldn't see that coming." Mhm, but some people say, "What am I living for?" And you see people with illnesses. And they say, "Why Why am I still alive? What am I doing here? Why should I bother going? Why should I get up in the morning?" You know? See people after this last war who've lost limbs trying to trying to adjust, trying to to get get themselves up, get themselves going. A reason to get up in the morning, get out of bed. Uh there's a guy on Fox News, I think his name is Johnny Jones. He had both of his legs broke blown off. And he has you know metal legs, you know. And he made a life for himself. He exercises his upper body, you know. And he speaks on on television and he keeps going. Um Okay, for the benefit of my younger audience, before there were downloads, there were CDs. Before there were CDs, there were cassette tapes. I won't go back any further than that. So, I started giving a share in my social charm and people started asking me for the tapes and I was like, what tapes? Says, you know, don't you tape it and then you know, make copies and make it available to people? I said, we didn't even know how to do it. So, I found someone who did. It was this lady in Mayasharm. Yeah, they would go all the way up, get to her house. And she had a whole bunch of these machines. In Mayasharm to record cassettes and she had a little computer and she'd print out the labels and she'd stick on the labels, put them in the little boxes, you know. And I I used to sell cassette tapes. So, she figured out at some point that I must be somebody. >> [laughter] >> Based on the amount of tapes that I was ordering and selling, yeah. So, she says, listen, I have a friend. Uh another Hasidic woman. She's in her 50s. And she never had any children. And as bad as childless is is in parts of the community, but the Hasidim, it's like that's it. Your your whole life is your children, you know. And she says, why did the Kodesh Baruch do this to me and it's not fair and it's not right and I don't even want to live and that that that, you know, it's like terrible. She goes, what do I tell her? I said, "Look, if you want, I'll speak to her, but I'll tell you what to tell her. Say, you're right. Cuz it wasn't not fair. My life's terrible. And and and and everything is bad. Now what? You're going to live for another 30 years. Now what? You want to sit around every day bitter and complaining? Or do you want to pick yourself up and live your life that you can? Sarah Schnirer didn't have any children. She did okay for herself. If you sit around and complain and feel sorry for yourself. It's uh I tell people all the time, I have a truly blessed life. And they're like uh One thing, I thought you said you have all kinds of uh learning disabilities. I said, "Oh, yeah, I do. I have dyslexia and ADD and uh focusing problems and retention problems and uh yeah, it's very hard for me. Yeah, learning, reading, everything is is tough. But I thought you have all kinds of health problems. Oh, yeah, I have high blood pressure and I have gout and I have diabetes and I have heart disease and yeah, it goes uh >> [clears throat] >> and I thought, you know, uh this problem, that problem. They start listing all my problems. I said, "Yeah, I just don't choose to live that life." So, I can look at my life and say, "Oh my goodness, look how terrible everything is. Look at where we are." We celebrate Purim. Not because it's the perfect holiday. If there are two Adars, we always put Purim in Adar Bet. Why? To be someach geulah l'geulah, to put the geulah of Purim next to the geulah of Pesach. Cuz Purim is not a real Geulah. It's the pre-Geulah. Before the Geulah of Pesach. It was the Geulah where we recognize that Kodesh Baruch Hu is still there with us in the darkness. It's hester panim, we don't see him. He's hidden. And very often he's hidden in our lives. And things don't always go well. The Shach asked the Brisker Rav, uh emunah, emunah is easy. Any intelligent person can figure out there's a God and he gave the Torah. He says, "You're right. Emunah is when things are not easy. When the bad guy wins. When we can't explain it." The Empire Strikes Back. This was an unbelievable thing. Changed changed the course of movie making. It set up the concept of a trilogy. So, Star Wars ends, everything is happy, a good happy ending. The Empire Strikes Back is terrible. Han Solo is captured and frozen. You know, Luke loses a hand. Turns out that Darth Vader is his father, you know, and then the Empire destroys everything. The end. That wasn't going to be a happy ending. And and that's that became the uh the reason that's why when the uh Marvel wanted to finish up their arc, you know, it came to Infinity War, where Thanos wins, gets all the stones, um uh you know, destroys half of the population of the universe, and that's it. The end. No happy ending. And you see your heroes disintegrate before your eyes. That's how it is. And as the rabbi in Fiddler on the Roof answers when someone says as they're kicked out of Anatevka, "Wouldn't this be a good time for the Messiah to come?" He says, "Yes, and until he does, we'll just have to wait for him someplace else." That's the way it works. It would be nice if everything worked out the way we want. But we get up in the morning and we put one foot in front of the other and we live the life God gives us the best that we can. Because as Rabbi Wolbe says, Pharaoh had three advisers. Jethro who said, "Be good to the Jews." Of course was to become important in the Jewish people. Um Balaam who said to oppress them was killed by the sword. And Job who said nothing had all the terrible sufferings of Job, the sufferings of Job. So Rabbi Wolbe says, "It sounds like Job got the worst deal." Balaam had a pretty good life and then all of a sudden he gets killed. Okay, but it was good until then. Job loses his wife, loses his children, loses all of his money. He gets His body is racked with pain with illness and with sores and isn't that worse? Says Rabbi Wolbe, Yes, I yes Balaam alone is me. Better of the life of the worst suffering than to die. Because at least when we're alive, we can do something. We can live a life. And when you're alive, you can do mitzvahs as the Vilna Gaon sitting on his deathbed holding his tzitzis crying says, "Mitzvahs mitzvahs in this world they're so cheap. In the world to come you can't get them." So, uh So, yeah. Yeah. Purim is not the Geulah, but it's the pre-Geulah. And uh Do you have to see the good in that? Rabbi Wein says he was learning in Florida with a rebbe. He didn't mention who. And as we're sitting outside under my spreading grapefruit tree in January and the temperature is in the 70s. >> [snorts] >> The rebbe says to me, "We have to remember this is golus. But as this golus goes, it's not so bad." We have to be thankful that there is no decree for an extermination of the Jewish people. We celebrate that. With all of the problems the Jews are having around the world, but you can't compare it to the 30s and 40s in Europe. You can't compare uh it to the Spanish Inquisition. You can't compare it to the Crusades. The the the the the this the Jewish experience is still so much better. And we have to be thankful. So, let's lay it raise our glasses. Yeah? Have a drink. And remember that when we drink, it is there and the Gemara says, "There used to be There used to be a suit of aveilim." But they would drink me, I'm sure. I've emailed Rabbi Alansky a few times when I have comments or criticisms but I recently realized that I'm a chiyuv to express my appreciation for the podcast even more. Okay. Uh [clears throat] you know, I appreciate it. That doesn't mean that I I don't pay attention to the comments and criticisms. I appreciate comments and criticisms to to put it right out there. I don't appreciate nasty comments. I right away erase them when I see them. You know, people just say yucky things. Feh. Go do something else with your time. Can you imagine somebody watching a whole hour podcast just to be able to go on and make a nasty comment? But okay, there are sick people in this world and they're I guess it gives them something to do. I know this nut who every now and then just calls me up to scream at me, curse me out. I used to try to engage him and and try to help him but now I realize he's too far gone. I just have the phone. But um uh But when I used to run NCSY, at the end of every Shabbaton, I would sit down and have a review meeting with everybody to see what worked and what didn't work and what we can fix and what we can't. I remember my very first convention, it was in Long Beach. I remember I Yitzchok Frankel, the Rav now the Rav of the good of the Five Towns, he was there. And he said to me some point, 3:00 in the morning, he goes, "You know you never done a Maariv." And I realized I didn't work it into the program. So we pulled together whatever kids were there and we done a Maariv. And uh and he said, "Next time we should put in the program." So next year uh the uh convention was in Shari Tfila in Lawrence. And Rav Frankel was there and he comes over to me at the banquet and he says, "What's this?" I said, "What do you mean?" In between the war the awards for the very most special NCSYers and the even more special NCSYers, it was written Maariv. He says, "What's this?" I said, "Well, last year you said I forgot to put it in the program, so I put it in now." He goes, "You listen to me?" I said, "Well, of course. That what's the pur- purpose of of of comments and criticisms is not that you can try to improve it somehow, you know?" There was a comment somebody left online. I hadn't done a interview in a very long time, so uh you get more of the bookcase in. So uh someone said, "Ah, the the the bookcase was a big mess. It's not covered in Torah. My mother always says that Rav Bielsky always looks very put together and very, you know, you know, uh you say like this and you know, and the bookcase always is very mesudar and it should be that way, you know, and go to talk. So, I wanted to comment that I actually tried to put it up and it didn't go up. I don't know why, you know. I said, full disclosure, the bookcases always a mess. Before we film, we take out all of the loose farm that have piled up cuz I have too many farm and I don't have enough room to put them all. So, I take them out and put them on the table. That's why it looks good, but it doesn't always look this good. And full disclosure, I don't always look this good. >> [laughter] >> I make an effort to put myself together before I film these podcasts. But uh most of the time I'm a slob. So, uh anyway, uh I do appreciate comments and so that's why the next interview we cleaned out the bookcase. Anyway, uh with each new episode comes out, it makes my day knowing that I will have something enjoyable to listen to that will be kosher, relaxing entertainment with Torah ideals given so subtly that they go right in without any resistance. It's so interesting. Uh people who listen to it the second time suddenly realize there was a lot more content that they that they didn't realize when they were having fun. I especially love the interviews R' Laski has done. I've listened to each one multiple times and I find they are different than all of the typical interview podcasts that are out there. I've I've said this. I've I've had guests who said, uh this was, you know, I never had an interview like this or I I I said things I never had a chance to say before etc. Because I'm not an interviewer. I'm I'm sharing with the people I'm talking to. Thank you for the amazing show. Thank you for this wonderful comment. And I hope that does not discourage you from your comments and criticisms. I just want to thank R' Laski for the show, not a shear. >> [laughter] >> Anyone who starts watching, they go back to the first season and they see that first my first real rant, too. I was ranting cuz somebody was criticizing me that it's not a sheer. No, it's not. I'm in second year base medrish and I get tons of chizuk every week. This is basically the only sheer that isn't fluffed up, yet at the same it's extremely funny, giving me much needed laughs after a long second seder. When I was in Chaim Berlin, was known to to give say a lot of jokes during the sheer. He was very funny. I just want to let Rebbe know, last year my mashgiach gave a mussar vaad about podcast and how they are waste of time and pointless. I went over to him afterwards and told him I enjoy listening to the Rebbe Alansky show and he said, "It's good." >> [laughter] >> Thank you. Thank you, fellow mashgiach. I discovered the show about 2 years ago and I tried making up all the old ones before that in my free time. I don't have too much of it though. I have great hakaras hatov to Rebbe and may he continue to do this for many, many more years to come. And the last one, dear Rebbe Alansky, while I enjoy your podcast and have been watching them since the beginning, I especially enjoyed the podcast where you interviewed Yitzy Shapiro. He really interacted so well with you. Thank you for bringing him on to your show. Signed, Shapiro's mother. I'm just kidding. >> [laughter] >> That is a joke. You know how old that joke is? There was a TV show called Welcome Back, Kotter with Gabe Kaplan and there was this kid there called Juan Epstein and whenever he was late or he missed something he'd say, "Yeah, I have a note from my mother, you know." And it would say, "Please excuse Juan from whatever it is, Epstein's mother." >> [laughter] >> And he's like, "Are you sure this is from your mom?" "Oh, yeah, sure, of course. You don't think I'd write something like that, do you?" >> [laughter] >> Anyway, um so, yeah, baruch Hashem. Yeah, those of you who'll be with us for Pesach uh Yitzy Schapiro will be there and uh uh helping to enhance the Pesach experience. And that's it for this week. If you want to find out more about the show, you can go to my website rabbiolovsky.com. [music] You can sign up for one of our online shiurim. There are still some rooms left the first days of Pesach >> [music] >> if anybody wants to come to the seder and yom tov. Uh you can um sponsor an episode, sponsor a podcast or five, sponsor question and answer, [music] make a comment, make a uh criticism. >> [laughter] >> And uh that's it. That's it for this week. And until next time, I am Rabbi Olavsky and this has been the Rabbi Olavsky show. It's the Rabbi Olavsky show. Torah and simcha, ready to go. It's the Rabbi Olavsky show. Knowledge and wisdom will help you grow. Lots of fun in [music] every episode. And we don't have to rhyme, do we? It's the Rabbi Olavsky show. rabbiolovsky.com Torah anytime, YouTube, and more. It's Rabbi Olavsky show. Torah and simcha, ready to go. It's the Rabbi Olavsky show. Till next time, till we meet again. It's the Rabbi Olavsky show. It's the Rabbi Olavsky show. It's the Rabbi Olavsky show.