Overthinking vs Underthinking (Ep. 266)

hi this is damsky welcome back to the ramski show and whether you're watching with our friends over at Tony time orever you watch or listen to your podcasts as always it's a delight to have you along and don't forget to like share subscribe and comment even if the comment is that I cackle like kamla Harris and that I uh I'm annoying and I interrupt and I'm infantile and all the other nasty comments that some people make but hey as they say there is no bad publicity just spell the name right it's not that I'm hurt you know I know those people will never watch again but 287 comments on that episode so the uh the 809 nasty ones are fine it just pushes us over okay but that's not the um but that's not what we're talking about here we're sponsored this week sponsored by the overthinker for my mother and father now this is parenthetical does Theus get less for each person every time I add more people or is it like the fire analogy now for those you who don't know the fire analogy it's that a um a candle can light you know a 100 candles and it itself continues to burn so it doesn't lose anything and my siblings and my grandparents and my whole extended family and my friends and Rabbi olowski does that mean I'm not a friend and RAB yow's family and Row's friends I would like to include you in that overthinker and the whole clly Isel you mess with me you mess with my whole family does it make a difference if I name someone specific versus referring to them in a group how about if I name them directly with the whole plony been plony versus just referring to my relation to them am I overthinking this for Ru eloa Ben Esther Leia and for Dori who did not respond fast enough to my text asking for her full name but I knows who I'm talking about so how much does it really matter and if I say my family but technically the whole of kisel is my family is it redundant to add kisel okay I'm definitely overthinking this I'll stop here okay well we're out of time for this week this has been the rber owski [Laughter] show just kidding okay let me start by saying the following um overthinker I I always appreciate overthinkers than [Laughter] underthinkers underthinkers are people who do things without thinking about it too much they tend to be impulsive and um it leads to all kinds of disasters I'll give you an example I we I spoke on Kaneka and Yesa Med one of the few places that still bring me to speak um ever since my uh lost most of my speaking gigs through my wit and personality but uh mightbe it's my comma cackle but um um the uh um so I was talking about living a mahadin mahadin life as opposed to a bid existence and someone said to me how do you do that the end of the day how do you do it and and the answer is the same answer to how do you live a meaningful life because it's really the same thing living a Mah life and not a b life means living a meaningful life and I speak about this a lot my one of my uh main speeches that I have given over the years is called whyb Jewish and uh the theme is to live a meaningful life that's what it's all about and um and uh and I say that the reason people live meaningless lives is not because they want to course it's easier because at the end of our life all of us wanted to have led a meaningful life we just forget that in order to do that you have to live a meaningful life you know if you have want to have a 50th wedding anniversary you have to plan that probably 51 years in advance can't just wake up one day and say hey I'd love to make myself a wedding anniversary you know well I have to find a girl you know so things take time you have to be invested so so a person say to me how do you live a Mah hydrant life how do you live a meaningful life and I said the K tell us a smart person sees the future what does that mean the reason people make poor decisions is because they make decisions for the here and now instead of looking long-term what they call in uh psychology immediate gratification as opposed to delayed gra gratification everybody knows when they did this study where they had little kids and they said they put down a marshmallow and the kid says can I eat it says you can eat it but if you wait a minute I'll give you two marshmallows and some kids ate it right away and some people waited the minute and then they followed these kids through life and the ones who waited that minute went on to have much more successful lives happier lives and the other ones did not why because they lacked that impulse control they just do things without thinking so a smart person sees the future [Music] um I've told the story before I'm short but uh um I had a girl sh a bet Seminary came from a firm family she was now second year and she said I don't know if I want to from anymore I said okay legitimate let's follow through what does next year look like next year was pretty easy so what about the year after that that was also pretty easy I said and what's your life look like when you're 30 it was a little harder 40 it was much harder 50 she says I don't like the way this is turning out I said let's keep going 60 80 she said to me what's the question I have to be from but in order not to be from you have to make the next decision not look ahead and plan ahead and if you just make the next decision should I eat this piece of cake or not the answer will be sure I should eat this piece of cake it looks good it smells good I'm hungry I enjoy it what do you want when you got to eat something and it's got to be sweet and it's got to be a lot and you got to have it now that was an old Cracker Jacks commercial but uh that's what people want in life something sweet yeah and it's got to have it now immediately I can't wait so uh so then okay when you develop your type two diabetes you understand it's because you kept making that immediate decision without thinking ahead you can see that there are certain people who want to lose weight for a wedding if you wake up the week before it's going to be a little late sometimes these people start months in advance and say oh boy going to a wedding I better start losing weight now so that I look a little better for the wedding you know that's the you have to think ahead and so a person has to think who do I want to be at the end of my life underthinkers just do what they want now and they don't stop to think ahead so overthinkers are okay what's the downside of overthinking overthinking is where you think to the point where um you freeze you know and you're not able to make decisions anymore you just sit there claring and like this like this and you never make a decision so you'll end up missing out on opportunities and that's why the when he discusses uh you know making decisions he says this Shas and chobas which means right now I have to make a decision I can think about it the rest of my life I can regret it the rest of my life but right now I have to make a decision um when the out of slabodka was the mash in kelm so the Russian police came to arrest the alter of kelm and they came in guns blazing and said who's in charge here I I don't think guns were blazing guns drawn who's in charge here before anybody could say anything the AL slka jumped up and said I am and they arrested him and they took him to the police station they get ready to send him to Siberia and it was an outpouring of outrage around the world that he was released and he said for the rest of his life I don't know if I did what I did in order to save the life of the alar of kelm or just because I wanted the thrill of saying I'm in charge here does that mean what he did was the wrong thing no of course not only question is he was trying to understand what his motivations were afterwards but right now I got to act now is the time I got to act I can't just sit there and clear when my father had had his uh massive heart attack and uh he was getting 1% blood flow to the heart it was going to die he needed an em emergency triple bypass now he had been taken to the nearest hospital which was Mercy Hospital in uh in Long Island and uh my brothers wanted to move him to uh to Specialty Hospital St Francis which is a the Heart Hospital the people with St Francis says listen uh over there in Rockville Center they don't have the skill to deal with your father you have to bring him over here and uh Mercy Hospital said no no no you can't move him he's too weak if you move him he'll die so you don't have a choice you got to make a decision then to make a decision you can't just wait on it if you wait on and don't do anything he'll die for sure so um so if you just keep thinking about it you're never going to come to a decision so obviously we have to do things so overthinking it becomes a problem when we become obsessive and we have obsessive thoughts and we're not able to function because we just keep getting stuck on what should I do what should I do you know and there you just have to make a decision I've told this story before as well but when I was uh when I was in uh ncsy I used to say I had to make a lot of decisions and it was very hard for me so I I have I'm I'm decision impaired it's hard for me to make decisions so my assistant director Joe worl over Shalom um he would very I would always say to him you decide so he says this way if it doesn't work out well you can blame it I'm I said right he says no problem I'll make the decision he I don't care if you blame it on me so I said the reason I had trouble making decisions is because I like to make decisions like this we have to choose a caterer there's one caterer who's inexpensive he has great food and he's reliable there's another one who's expensive his food's not so good and he's not reliable who do I choose I like those kind of decisions so I'll say I'll choose the first one good choice but the decisions I actually had to make was there's a caterer his food's not so good but he's reliable and he's inexpensive there's another caterer who has very good food but he's not so reliable and he's more expensive who do I hire and you get stuck you have to you have to decide now which of these am I going to hire I have to go through a process of making a decision which of those values are more important to me and sometimes you have no choice you have to make those decisions so the problem is that if you just freeze up and say well I'm not going to decide anything so indecision is also a decision I've decided to opt out of the process and uh there'll be a price to pay for that as well so um it's uh it's worthwhile to be able to make a decision uh there's another story I tell I'm sure I've told before but again it's one of my my favorites so um and that is uh this girl who went to Nim with another girl and they came back and she stayed from and her friend stayed from for a while and then gave it up and her friend tried to argue with her and say don't you know what you're doing is wrong and she says yes I do I know it's wrong I have no question about it he says but you doing it anyway says yeah he says I'll tell you why says there's a guy who stays in so prison so long that he loses his mind and he just sits on the floor and plays with the rats and he thinks the rats are his friends and he's very happy and the Jailer feels so bad for this guy that he finally says look there's no point in keeping this guy in prison he's crazy so uh clean out the latrines for a week and I'll let you go and he says why the latrines are dirty and and Yi I don't want to do that here I'm happy well with my rats rats are my friends yeah so um she says I know I'm running around with the rats I'm going out clubbing and I'm doing all kinds of stuff and I know that it's all wrong and meaningless but I'm having a good time I know I'm crazy but I'm having a good time so this girl says what should I tell her and I said I only know one story like you're describing and that was from a novel called The Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens where Dr man gets sent to the bastile we don't know why until the end of the book and um uh he stays there so long that he loses his mind and he thinks he's a cbla and he just keeps working making shoes imaginary shoes on an imaginary workbench and that's his whole life and eventually his daughter Lucy rescues him and brings him over to England and he slowly gets his mind back how do you think he felt about all those years when uh he was crazy he woke up from this nightmare so I said your friend thinks she's going to stay in this make believe world forever but it's not true at some point you wake up I just saw this article uh this woman said you know I'm in my 60s and I don't have any children or any Grand children and I regret that decision oh well we should have thought about it sooner it's a little late now so you have to think thinking is very important and uh that's why as the missil sh says in peric Bay more than anything the suan wants to keep you from thinking because he knows that if you start thinking then you'll change your life and so he wants to keep you busy busy enough that you don't think yeah it's uh it's sad it's a sad thing so um um so okay I'm just addressing the point of a thinking I haven't addressed your actual question yet uh I'll give you my understanding of this of how work you find this by AB ainu after the war with the Four Kings where he won the war miraculously miraculously and um and uh I mean you throw dirt and it turns into arrows and Spears and kills them and stuff that's you know that's superhero stuff you know what I mean that's uh and these the these are the four armies that were so powerful that they destroyed OG's people o went running for his life you know that's that's the kind of armies they are and ABR and elzar managed to defeat them so um at the end it says uh K comes to him and says Don't Be Afraid Abraham you have a lot of rewards so um what was he afraid of he was afraid that he used up hisim in the war by all the Miracles that took place what does this teach us this teaches us that are finite they're not infinite you don't get a and that's has unlimited ability and that's why every time you get a Miracle it takes away from some of uh I remember this story when I was in high school one of my re was telling me about the telling the class about the there's a special tanak which has uh Columns of a certain length and no breaks in it and uh the way the gor gr goes if I remember correctly is you prepare yourself you have to prepare yourself you don't do it lightly and then you flip a certain number of sections and then you turn I think seven sections and then you turn seven pages and then you quote I remember it's seven columns and you go down to the seventh PK and that PK tells you what to do right and at s an hour time after the 35 people who went to save the gush were killed and butchered beyond recognition they didn't know how to identify the bodies so they went toar lvin and he did the goror and on each body he did the G until he came to a PK and in the PK was either the one of the 35 people's first or last names that was unique and he identified the 35 bodies the story I heard was that when raron Cutler was going to leave Europe he did the G obviously it was it was nees and he uh flipped it and he came to uh the PK um and in pasos and Hashem said to Aon go to Moshe so he figured the most famous mosha that he knew was with mosha Feinstein and so even though the whole town escaped East he went West towards America and the Nazis had circled around and captured everybody except for him he escaped so uh so the story of Gore the uh um Weeks Later somebody said you know Reby it really works I was stuck on a test I didn't know a question so I did the G and I came to the right answer and the Reby turned white and he said you don't do it unless it's life and death you just used up a lot of your to be able to perform that so you have a finite amount of it lasts right as it says yeah can last 2,000 generations and and there is tremendous uh power to it but the gar discusses when did run out and they give different times what that means ran out it's amazing so therefore when we do um it has a certain limit amount therefore we have to guard them carefully and that's why the say sikim always ask for they ask for they don't say give me this because I deserve it they say do this give this to me for free why because they want to preserve their so you have to be very careful when it comes toos are not unlimited therefore I I knew there was a uh B medish where on chabas people would get Ayah and uh they'd give a they'd say at the end mat so some places put up a sign maton means 10 shekels can't just say maton and then come to me with a shekele there are other places where they say a matona is 10 shekels and every name you add is another shekele now the truth of the matter is that why did they do that so that people don't just go on and on but I think it's another thing because if you keep giving a shekele for each name then you're getting another Mitzvah and that'll help to give you a to be able to transfer over to the person when it comes to that so um there are stories there are stories of people who were deathly ill and people got together and donated portions of their life to them now we know there is such a a concept because the PK says that a day is a thousand years and um uh and a [Music] um and so when it says by aarish the day you eat from the tree you will die that means he were supposed to live a thousand years but he only lived to 930 why the because as he looked over all the people who are going to live in history he saw de and he saw that D was going to die at Birth So Adam said I'm going to take 70 years of my life and give it to him and sure enough deik lived till 70 and Adam lived till um uh 930 so he literally transferred over time and there are stories of this with people there re was deathly ill and the person says I'll give a week I'll give a month I'll give a year of my life life to this person apparently you have that power to transfer it over you also have the ability to use your for other people it's uh uh but Theos that you have are not infinite and you can use some of your skos up in a positive way think of it as you will lail um Frequent Flyer points so you have a lot of Frequent Flyer points and um uh you can transfer them over to a family member and buy them a ticket but that of course deducts from your account you cannot have your cake and eat it too right you can't keep your points and spend them also on a bonus flight these things get used up and so a person has to sit down and say to themselves okay I have a certain amount of and I if I get a miracle it's going to take away from myos if I'm going to use myos for somebody else it'll take it away therefore to answer your question overthinker if I add in lots of different people does it make a difference sure it makes a difference and uh and just like you're going to give a shekele for each one of those things you have to take into account on the subject ofos I have gotten a lot of over the years from the fact that people [Laughter] were because when someone insults you in public all of their Mitzvah transfer over to you and all your various transfer over to them I uh I've come to rely on this as a regular method to be able to get in do Mahaba and that's why I'm always happier when it's a a really hush of a person who insults me because I know that I just got a windfall when it's a lowly person who insults me no you know but uh but if it's somebody K wow there's there's there's gold in them th Hills you know so you got to be very careful when you do certain things and uh you know you say you lose your Alaba it's not just you lose yourh Haba it transfers over someplace else there's there's credit and the points the the account could be transferred over so when it comes to um your you have to be very careful so I'll give you an example gar was unbelievably poor in fact when it came time to light the shavas candles they didn't have any oil and uh he wanted to do the Mitzvah he didn't have any oil so he says light the vinegar and his daughter said vinegar doesn't burn he says the same Hashem who said oil burns we'll say vinegar will burn so he was a really great guy but that's how poor he was and his wife finally said I cannot handle this object poverty anymore I can't I can't take it anymore um this is a problem if you decide to be a sadic you better make sure you got you know a wife and kids who are in on the [Laughter] project because uh if everyone's going to be unhappy and frustrated because you decide to be this big sadic then it's going to end poorly for everybody and I know people uh a girl comes back from Seminary and she's sure wants to marry a guy in learning but she's not prepared for that lifestyle and uh and after a while she realized it's just too tough and she drives her husband crazy until he leaves learning and gets a job and supports her in the style to which she has grown accustomed which makes sense it's not easy being poor you have to be prepared for it so rson Dosa finally said okay I had had enough of this you know uh I I you got to get me some money he says no problem says of whom the gamar says the entire world is uh is um sustained in the Merit of and he gets by with a tiny amount of food from week to week yeah so he davens and this gold Table leg Falls from shamay pure gold Fortune yeah the wife's thinking oh we can sell it already buy shoes for the kids and that all kinds of wonderful things you know and that night she has a dream and all the sikim are in the next World sitting at tables with three legs and the bendas are sitting at a table with only two legs and she says okay I changed my mind and he davens and it goes back up to shamai which means there's going to be a price to pay right you want to get it in this world then it's possible to do it but it's coming out of someplace now certain people are just gonna get BR as the gor says it's maos these are things that you're born with and that's why two people could be equal sikim and one is Rich and has many children and the other one is poor and has very few children nothing you can do about it [Music] um one of the awkward moments I found myself in once is uh I live in harof you know my wife was at AER once with with riton Hela you know and um and she's talking about this family because a family with nine children not a particularly large family that's how it works here in in y and harno we have a lot of lot of large families can you know in fact my good friend khella someone just told me the story that he shows up some place with nine kids and the guy says what you left the other half at home and he goes yeah how'd you know he has 18 kids I remember I came to I came to America ones when I only had nine kids you know and I'm handing the you know the guy at the at the Customs you know all the passports and he says didn't you ever he the TV show Eight is Enough we were up to nine you know so um uh so can I know her you know you have you have a lot of kids you and I met somebody once you know as a neighbor so I said how many kids do you have he goes two and I guess I saw he saw the look at my face and he says yeah me and my wife aren't very fertile and I thought oh boy you know I mean stupid stupid stupid you know but um uh yeah there's no guarantee well when when you see yakob says to yose if R and manasha will be to me like Ruben and Shimon and any other children that you have will be counted towards you you didn't have any more children know you look at theim and so binyam has 10 kids and dun had one there's there's it's it's certain people they're masle they're going to have a lot of children certain people are rich doesn't matter what they do doesn't matter how stupid they are there are some of the smartest people in the world can't make a living I've mentioned men this before the Ezra says you know if I S no one would ever die if I sld shrouds and if I sold candles the sun would never set I have no masle when it comes to money there's nothing I can do and uh and there were other people it doesn't matter how stupid they are and I told the story I'm sure in the past um it was during the Revolutionary War time I don't remember his name and uh the Fell's name but he married a rich Widow and even though the guy was a was a nikum poop he came into money now people were jealous of him so they wanted him to lose his money he says look you have all this money why don't you invest it he says I don't know anything about Investments he says you know what's great coal good Pennsylvania coal he says I suggest you take all your money buy coal put it in ships and send it to New Newcastle now Newcastle was the coal production Center of Europe in fact when they want to talk about something worthless they say it's like sending coals to Newcastle or sending snow to the North Pole that kind of a thing you know sending calls to Newcastle but this guy doesn't know any better so with all of his money he chared ships and he fills it up with good Pennsylvania coal and he sends it to Newcastle and they arrive in the middle of a coal strike and there's no coal lots of customers and no coal and suddenly these boats show up with coal it was a God send and he sells it a tremendous profit and he makes even more money makes a fortune and he's like thanks guys and they're Furious so they said well you got this money invest it says well what he says well in the West Indies you know what they really need bed warmers that's this sort of like a device where you put the hot coals in it and it's like a it's got little holes in it and you put in the bed and keeps the bed warm you know ridiculous you know and the Caribbean it's hot you know he says you know what else Bibles he takes all his money takes half of it buys bed warmers takes the other half of it buys Bibles gets as many ships as he can sends it down to the Caribbean and they're laughing their heads off and in the Caribbean they'd never seen the bed warmer before for and they look at it and what's the main thing they make in the Caribbean rum why because they grow the sugar cane and they use the sugar cane and use it to make rum and uh they look at this they'd never seen it before and they decided this was a device for straining the sugar cane in order to make the rum they bought them up in a at a big profit and just then a bunch of missionaries arrived but their Bibles had not come and they said what a God send boatloads of Bibles and they bought them all to convert the locals and he made another Fortune so the point is it doesn't make a difference if your maszle is to make money you're gonna make money so uh but if your masle is not and you want to change that you're going to use upus it's coming off of your account and that's why you have to ask very carefully do I want this or not like Mrs Benda haded decide about the table leg that fell from the sky do you want it or not you're going to pay a price nothing comes for nothing so uh so overthinker when you say can I just keep adding names sure you can but it either going to take away more of your or the that you're doing is going to be divided up into many pieces does that mean it's the wrong thing to do not necessarily um on the uh the mishna impos that says mea um the banura comments if you have a choice of giving a $100 to one person or $10 to 10 people give $10 to1 people because you'll get 10 Mitzvah OFA and uh yeah but maybe the $100 I gave to this one person will do more good right that's only if you assume there's no God and K is relying on you to be able to support this person but if you're looking at it from the point of view of Mitzvah you get 10 Mitzvah so that there's um it's going to go in more directions um I uh I remember when when Tor any time had a fundraiser and um not all the speakers but the more popular speakers each got their own page and uh T time gave them a certain amount of money to raise to make it on your page and uh you know I I uh I'm not greater fundraising I never have been I know there are people out there with money who would fund what I want to do I know it I've met them over the years they said you know let's be in contact and and let's talk you know I wanted to start a yiva I wanted to start a seminary there are things that I wanted to do I wanted to um you know make adult education I have different things that I would love to be able to do I don't have the money you know but I don't know how to do it I don't know how to fund raise there are certain people who are just mastered at it you know um I've told this story I'm sure in the past I have to keep giving this caveat because I know all my crazy out there was saying you sent this already I know I'm covering myself you know this kid swallowed a coin and uh the mother was frantic and she ran to the Kish and said you don't have to worry about it he'll pass it through his system it'll come out in the diaper and he says no no but I'm really frightened he says there's nothing to be frightened about it's fine and so she says no no there must be something you can do so so he says go to the pich the Kish said so she says why he has a cure he says no but he knows how to get money out of [Laughter] anybody other people just were terrible of it I was never good at fundraising I don't know how uh I was brought up brought up poorly my my parents taught me never to ask anybody for anything so I don't know how to go and ask people for money I had people when I was running into his wife who said stop by I'll give you a check I couldn't do it if someone came and put check in my hand I would take it but you know I I just didn't know how you know so um um I I give a shout out to a good friend of the show R Vig de freed who uh um has sponsored quite a number of episodes and he said to me if you ever don't have a sponsor please contact me I want to see the show go on which I I think is nice I never did it because I don't know how but we love you aor and your whole family you should have only BR but um uh but there were certain people were masters of it R from from Hank gave me mus he said you're denying people the of giving stalker to be able to do good things in the world you know you he says when I fund raise I go for whatever the cause is it might be for Yeshiva it might be for um an orphanage it might be for an Alona trying to marry off a kid it might be he used to go to my mother for this guy who needed money um just alone to be able to um rent the materials for his matah baking Factory so then he would pay her back from the profits you know he says whenever anybody writes me a check I said wait before you sign it he says if you never want to see me again don't sign that check but if you sign that check then I know that you're a person who's about St and the next time I have an Al or a yasam or a poor family I'm coming back to you so be careful when you write that check because you're sending a message that I care about Stucker what a master I I I didn't have that ability I admire it I wish I could but I don't have that ability to do it so um uh so there you know so when you give certain things it's it you know you can divide it up among a lot of different people but uh but you have to understand yeah it's going to be split a lot of different ways that doesn't mean it's wrong that doesn't mean it's wrong so um uh it just means of course everybody's getting a smaller portion of the pie and so that's why when it's something very very serious you know then you might want to use your entire for that you know I knew a couple that desperately wanted children and one p they left sh with to be they locked themselves up and they just said to Hill the whole perm and they had a baby so it's uh uh they decided to focus all of their and all their powers on this so I understand that I see I see where that can come and um there are some people who are hesitant to give bras because they feel it takes away from the I'm not one of those people I have so many I don't even know what to do with them all I have them stacked in bags in the back room already it's taken up room I'm happy to use them to help people caner but uh but yeah if I can give a br and change somebody's life and help them absolutely but I know people who say don't give bras because it takes away from your okay so that was all by way of introduction uh to explain the um uh the dedication and so thank you so much for mentioning me and my family and my friends and we will take you [Laughter] as and that should you know also include your family and your loved ones and uh and uh CL fell and hopefully that girl will call you back and all those good things and that brings us to the question and answer um part of our program question and answer sponsor our daughters rify and Alan Baron who of course I remember fondly with students of Rabbi olowski at darina yes indeed we had a very wonderful shabas dinner with the rabbi at his home with Alana years and years ago come back food couldn't have been that bad we both enjoy his shur very much thank you Gary and R Baron thank you and uh I hope everything's great with your family and your girls and they're just uh they're just Stars okay question number one by the good friend of our show of the show Rabbi Yol who is in our sheer and just recently sponsored an episode how did Adam sin when there was no evil inclination yeah what a great question it's not fair to say there was no evil inclination it just means it was not inside of them that was the and the part of thear will be played by the the was that force of r that what happened after the is that the the force of Rah became integrated into a human's personage and becomes part of who you are until that time it was an external Force now it's an internal Force it's much worse now because when you hear a thought inside of your head you don't know who's talking and evil of course does not play by the rules so um when uh the evil Incarnation speaks he speaks in your voice and he says you don't want to get out of bed yeah why should you give this bum Stucker you know ah who wants to go and learn this guy's boring and you hear that voice inside of you you think it's you it's really it's a hor now he's been internalized but in ganeden he was outside so that means that he had to fool them intellectually not from TAA he had to bring an intellectual argument and there's a lot of explanations of afor what they are I believe it's the Ral who says he brought them a a uh a great argument says listen you guys you only have one Mitzvah right you know that and you guys know everything right he knew karula he saw from one side of the universe to the other you know so you know the power of chuva you know how powerful chuva is omate so you you understand the power of chuva you only have one mitzvah if you break that Mitzvah and then do chuva you'll be on an even higher level than you are now and since the only thing they wanted was to grow in their Ras that's why the py puts it in the terms of you can be like God because that's the goal in this world is to become likees that the that's the goal of everything is to reach that level ofus where you become more Godlike more like a they thought wow so if I do this AA and then I do Chua I'll be on a higher level that was the intellectual argument and it was brilliant there's only one floor in the ointment and that is beib that's this world which is shaped like a hey why is this world shaped like a because when you fall down here you can get back up from the little opening on the top to which of course they ask why don't you just go back up the same way says because you can't do chuva and go back to where you were you're going to have to work that much harder to get back to where you were to do chuva meaning people think that when they do in a very and they'll do chuva yeah it's not a big deal it's not true and that's why it says a person who uh says I'll sin and do chuva will never do chuva why because it's not that easy doing Chu is very hard you become a different person and other didn't realize that that where they did this whole just to be able to reach this higher spirit spiritual level when they hear a k coming they hide they hide from Hashem because they they're afraid to face him because they realized they had one Mitzvah and they blew it had they done jua and that's why what does the K do he doesn't punish them right away he says why are you hiding did you eat from the tree that I told you not to eat okay here's your line yes and I'm very sorry and I'll never do it again I have he would have done chuva and he would have been successful instead he said what men have said for almost 6,000 years it's my wife's fault and she says the devil made me do it I says okay gave you guys a chance didn't work everyone out of the garden everyone out of the garden sorry until you can figure out what you did wrong there's no point we can't move on and so that was the mistake that they made okay next question by Anonymous can you please give a walkth through an explanation how to does thank you you so much for all your great and Sh I think I've done this in the past I think I did a whole podcast on this once but okay you know like I say um as theil shash says at the beginning the benefit you get from the safer is from Ken Kazar when I used to teach per gimel in of about how to do AES [Music] um girls would repeat from other teachers other rabbis that they had in high school or that they had in seminary who would say to them uh we learned you can't do AES today because it's too depressing I said well then you have a serious problem because the says that the only way to be able to defeat the is by doing a right if you make a will come and save you and if you can't do it wow then you're really messed up aren't you I said so that cannot possibly be correct the reason you can't do a today according to those people is because they don't know how to do a if they knew how to do a then they'd be right let me explain to you the wrong way to do a at the end of the day overthinker you sit down and you say oh no I did this wrong I did this wrong I did this wrong I did this wrong I did this wrong I'm a terrible person I might as well just stop being [Laughter] from yeah that's how not to do a tells you how to do AES and he says the following how do you do AES so he says uh first you need definitions what what is right and what is wrong and that's very important because a lot of people don't know for sure what's right and what's wrong they have this vague sense but after you define what's right and what's wrong you have to Define it for yourself meaning if I'm just becoming from then you don't expect me to learn 16 hours a day Masha if I'm going a Co being supported to learn then yeah maybe that is my to do learn 16 hours a day you know if uh if I'm a person uh you know um who uh who has tremendous intellect and I have the ability to become a big time then I should if I'm a person of more limited intellect then maybe I'm setting up unrealistic goals for myself so I have to know who I I have to be real who am I now I have to my definitions okay and that's the hardest thing to do I think to have real good definitions because people don't always know what it is they believe or as a friend of mine one said the time to decide whether or not you trust a particular hash is not when you're sitting in the restaurant right you have to decide beforehand is this a good thing or is this a bad thing and then he says you have to now make decisions and that's broken into two parts Bas and shalas so I got to make a decision right away we mentioned this earlier right now I have to make a decision should I do this should I not do this should I go here should I not go here that's an immediate decision that I have to make yeah and uh very often we have no choice like I mentioned with my father do we move him or do we keep him over here yeah we have to make a decision so sometimes you have no choice you have to make a decision right now should I go should I not go should I do this should I not do this should I buy this should I not not buy this you know and it's AAS and then afterwards it's shalas so basa means I don't make any decision without first weighing it against my value system do not be impulsive do not be an under thinker make a decision and decide should I do this or not and I have to make a decision right now and then I do shalas which is what he calls Z of now review all of your actions and see if there are patterns so if there are patterns then I need to change those patterns so even though at the moment this particular decision seemed like a good decision in the general context when I look at all of my actions it was a bad decision so I'll give you an easy example an easier example is um it's before PES you have a day off from work work and you have to clean for PES a good friend calls you up and wants to have a conversation somebody drops by and wants to visit a and things keep coming along none of them any of themselves is a bad decision but at the end of the day when you look at the sum total of your day you didn't accomplish what you set out to accomplish so the sum total of my decisions were bad decisions um I'm pretty sure I told the story shad uh was going to Kaa because they used to have in Kaa one shab is to be maaz the city in sh shabas because there was a big problem with SH shabas in K it's the only city where public transportation runs in Israel so they would have one chabas and uh all kinds of famous rabam would come and each one would take a different Shaw and they would speak there over shabas so he got there this was back in the day when yat mut could come out on Friday and there was a big parade and and there was a lot of prees and all kinds of other things and he was very upset he was very upset and he gets to the SCH and he makes his whole jussa about how terrible these yat celebrations are and uh the whole seor was very angry and they passed a taka in that shom shadron could never come and speak in any ever again but you he felt he did the right thing so he asked the bris did I do the right thing or not and he says we make a right as is business run your Torah like a business you had a business to sell shabas did you do it did you close the deal then you didn't do what you came for so it doesn't matter what your other intentions are of means even though it looked like a good decision at the time when you look back at the collection of it now I found a good way of explaining this is uh stepen kovy and the seven habits of highly effective people talk about decision making and he says there are probably four types of decisions uh things that you can do things that you can do during the day things that are important and Urgent my car broke down I had a heart attack there are things that are important and not urgent bringing my car in to be serviced uh going to the gym to work out there are things that are Urgent and not important the telephone ringing and there are things that are not important and not urgent reading the emails with jokes that people send you yeah he says most people spend most of their day on urgent it doesn't matter whether it's important or not you could have been planning this meeting for two months but the phone rings you go to answer the phone phone because it's urgent the phone ringing is demanding my attention right he says but the things that will change your life the most are things that are important and not urgent so if you go to the gym then which is important and you work out and you take care of yourself then maybe you won't have the heart attack if you service your car then maybe you won't run out of oil on the highway and it breakdown and your motor freeze so you have to make time in your day to make sure you take care of important and not urgent and the way he says to do that is he says don't plan out your day that was he mentions in the 1980s it was something called daytime is where you would just plan out your day he says that's too rigid plan out your week and find the most important things and write them in and then everything else fill around those but those things are immutable and that's uh that's the concept of that with the your time that you're going to learn that has to be set and don't say um when I have spare time I learn because maybe you'll never have any spare time so write it in lock in those times when I'm going to do this whatever it is so people don't have time for their wife they don't have time for their kids they don't have time for their learning they don't have time for the most important things in their life because they're so busy dealing with urgent and not important or urgent important because they didn't take care of the important things in their life you know because you were so busy putting out this fire putting out that fire doing this and that and then one day your wife leaves you because you haven't spoken to her in six years you know and uh gee one day your kid goes up to Der because you haven't seen him you know it would have been better if you invested time along the way so the way you make a now let's get practical I'll give you a practical method practical method is the F following take three things not more than three things you could take one thing but not more than three things and I'm oldfashioned I used to buy those little coar calendars and keep in my pocket so I could write it down today I'm sure everyone can do it on their phone and uh let's take an example let's say you have a problem doing you miss doing or if you're ding you don't doing with a minion it's a problem so what do you do so every day write down shinon this way if anyone looks they don't know what it is yeah if you D in Shak give yourself a check if you D in Shak with the minion give yourself two checks same same thing with the first month just write it down don't try to do anything and then at the end count up how many checks you have now this is why people fail at they count up the checks and they find I daved seven times this month 23 times I didn't so they focus on the 23 don't focus on the 23 focus on the seven and that's why I always say if you're starting a diet first weigh yourself you'll always lose weight the first week give yourself a a base point to be able to start from so uh always start from there yeah where am I starting from and uh and give yourself that point so okay I have seven checks I don't I don't obsess about the 23 next week excuse me next month I want to have more than seven that's it that's all you have to do just that Consciousness alone and you'll see next month it jumped up to 12 next month it got up to 15 next month I got up to 16 next month I got up to 15 okay I stole so now I have to look at it and say okay what what what's my block let me look this over I see I miss on Tuesday because normally I down with the menu but Tuesday I run out Etc okay so I have to come up with a way to get make sure I dve in on Tuesday yeah okay I add that in uh I see I miss my on on these nights ET okay so come up with a tend now move me up okay now I'm looking at 1920 all right now I need other techniques maybe I need a reminder maybe I need somebody to call me maybe I need this and I keep improving and improving until I get up to about 2728 you're doing great and then just keep doing this month if month and you'll see that it'll change your life that's AES that's number one the second level toes is not to overthink it overthinker but rather at the end of the day to do what mayor Katch used to do Ed kotch when he was mayor of New York he would just ride the sub way and he would go up to people and say how am I doing just a quick evaluation at the end of the day don't go over everything you did today because you're doing that with your checks and there shouldn't be more than one to three things you're working on with the checks just say to yourself how am I doing how was today was it a good day was it a bad day overall General evaluation it's a good day good it was a bad day tomorrow should be better that's it just have a Consciousness the more you have a Consciousness the more you'll start to take control of your life okay we're at overtime I'm sorry uh but that's it for this episode if you want to find out more about the show you can go to my website rowski dcom where you can ask a question we're getting back to all of our questions we people have been complaining you know we had a backlog of questions we've finally figured out how to download them all yeah um you can ask a question you can leave a comment you can sponsor uh a episode you can sponsor a question and answer you can uh sponsor a paraa in five um you can um um Join one of my online shm you can read articles uh listen to Old shorum Etc and that's it for this week until next time I am d rowski and this has been the rabbi olowski show it's the rabbi orl show Torah and S ready to go the rabbi orski show knowledge and wisdom will help you grow lots of fun in every episode and we don't have to rhyme no we don't it's the rabbi orlovski show on Rabbi orlovski docomo and more it's Rabbi orlovski show tor ready to go the rabbi orlovski show till next time so we meet again the rabby Orlowski show it's the rabbi Orlowski show it's the rabbi Orlowski show