Make A Decision (Ep. 343)

Hi everybody. This is David Olowski. Uh this is sort of a public service announcement that I just wanted to share with everybody. Um I have a shaw. So those of you who are in har or in those environments and uh we meet every uh morning we have a daily minion and we have every shabas a shabas minion but for the yim we get a much larger crowd and so instead of having it in our usual location it's going to be in harov in the ramal shul uh which is on kenolen boen right across from vishnit again if you're in the area so I just wanted to let you know about what's available. We're having a program night. Myself and my friend Rab Manakim Nissle will be speaking beforehand followed by Sleos with uh Yity Shapiro. He was on the show. You saw him. He does a beautiful beautiful deting and he'll be doing the Sleighos and we will have Manim there on Rashashana and Yam Kipper. Last year we had about 200 people and uh everybody found it very meaningful and an enjoyable dvening. So if you're going to be around and you would like to have uh particularly meaningful davining uh during the I speak uh Le Kellerman speaks he so he'll be speaking it's uh it makes it makes for a very fine uh yam I have to say and uh it's often difficult for people to find vinyanim that are going to really give them a good feeling for y and hopefully this solves ves that need. So if you're interested, we would love to have you along. Hi, this is David Alowski and welcome to the Rabbi Olowski show. And whether you're watching with our friends over at Tor anytime, our producers, or wherever you watch and listen to your podcast, it's always wonderful to have you along for the experience. Uh we're coming towards the end of the year. So uh um before you know it, it's going to be the anniversary show. I can't believe we're still doing this after all these years. And uh it's only possible because of those of you who sponsor the episode. And we're almost out of sponsors. So, I hope you've enjoyed it because it's about to end. [laughter] I don't want to sound pathetic, but please, please sponsor the show. Thank you. Uh, and want to mention of course our merch store uh railowski.com uh merch and uh you uh looking forward to uh having everyone there. I apparently the bumper sticker contest is still going on if you take a picture of your bumper sticker and send it to [email protected]. Um, and uh, we also have, of course, the Rabbi Alowski mug. When I was in America, my daughter Yaffa, who handles all this, she handles all my social media and all of my uh, merch. And, uh, she keeps telling me I have 30,000 views here and 50,000 views there, and I don't know what any of these things are because I don't have them. So, [laughter] but this is the mug. Now, I know you've always seen me have my mug, but you see the difference. Look at this. This is a much bigger mug. Yeah. So, I guess this is what they call mugging for the camera. [laughter] Anyway, so uh we have the merch over there. And what else? If you want to just help to support the show so we could keep the lights on, you could go to buy me a coffee.comski. And of course, we have the phone hotline. The number is 6053134799 and you can leave voicemails on the hotline. And we have a WhatsApp group. I see now here it's t i n yurl. I guess it's tinyurl.com backbolowski. Okay. And our sponsor for this episode as we come towards the end of the year is our good friend Jeff who has uh sponsored a whole bunch of podcasts uh just to be mazic the show and to help spread Torah to the Jewish people. Jeff himself is not Jewish. uh and uh nonetheless as he says he's listened to every question answered paran five and podcast and uh we wants to support the us spreading Torah and uh listen thank you so much for everything you do. Um okay so let's get down to business. You might have noticed that there was no episode up this week and that's because unfortunately when we were filming the interview with Ry Meisman, I did not have my regular Yakob Schlommo who is our videographer uh who produces everything on a Rama that makes us proud to be able to put it up with the Raviolski show name on it. Somebody else filmed it and the second half was messed up. We lost the video. uh the sound quality is poor so uh we were not able to put it up uh so I apologize for that and uh we will try to maintain only top quality um uh video content for people who watch this show and so I apologize for as they say this fasha and hopefully uh you know the future episodes will be able to be of our usual high quality Thank you. There's a phenomena that I have noticed and I cannot explain. I share it with you. I don't know if anybody else has seen this, but this is a new phenomena. I did not see this when I was growing up from people sometimes people walk in the middle of the street. [laughter] I can't figure it out. First of all, ious. Yeah, it's dangerous. You know, you're riding in the middle of the street, walking in the middle of the street, you know, and people have to try to get around you. Sometimes they, you know, find themselves in dangerous situations. They may hit themselves trying to get out of the way for you. But beyond that, it's it's not it's not proper for a person, any person of stature to be walking in the middle of the road. As the Kutska said, the middle of the road is a place for animals. That's where the animals go. People walk on the sidewalk. If there's no sidewalk, it's by the end of the uh by the by the by the end of the street. Cash. But you don't walk in the middle of the street like that. Why do people do this? I've been in situations where I wanted to pull into a parking spot and there's too from people sitting there talking. Sometimes I'll beep and they'll look at me, acknowledge me, and continue talking. Yeah. Why aren't you on the sidewalk? What do you have to be in the middle of the street for? So, this disturbs me. And like everything, I'm sure there has to be a reason. Things don't happen for no reason. Where is this coming from? What? there's a there's a there's a a deeper cause anytime you find something that seems like it's a curious thing for anybody to do. So I've given this thought and uh I can maybe illustrate it with another story. Um I had to go to Oshad. This is before they had the fancy scales and everything. Uh for those of you in America, this is a supermarket. If you've ever been to bingo, it's uh the same people who do oshaha did bingo. I was just in America. I went to a bingo. I was really surprised. The similarities of the stores and the layout and everything is really surprising. But this is OSHA odd. And um uh so now they you know you have a little scanner and you put your stuff on a scale, you know, but uh but back then there were checkout aisles and so there are two checkout aisles that didn't look as long as some of the others. And there's a fellow with a card standing in the middle. So I said, "Which line are you on?" And he said, "I'll decide." I said, "No, no, no. It doesn't work that way. you can't you can't hold two places in line at the same time. Pick one row and I'll go into the other one. And he was very upset at me because he did not want to have to make that decision. He wanted to stay in the middle and he did not want to make a commitment and choose this lane or choose that lane. Yeah, most people are familiar with what they call Murphy's law. Anything that can go wrong will. Yeah, I had a little book once on uh like applications of Murphy's law and different kind of things. So, one of them was this I remember the other line always moves faster. That's one of the rules. Step two, if you switch lanes, then the original lane will go faster. Step three, if you go back and forth, nobody's ever getting out of here. [laughter] Everything will come to a standstill. [laughter] But uh okay, but at some point you got to make you got to make a decision. You got to make a commitment. And we I think this is endemic. I think that's what these two things have in common. It it exists in a situation of where people do not want to make a commitment. You have a situation today of people who it's very hard for them to get married because they cannot make a commitment just can't do it. There's this situation, there's this condition that afflicts from Jews called flesophobia, which is the fear of having to become felacious because it's a six-hour commitment, right? Barak was in America and his balabas always said, "What would you like was the the rub want?" And he says, "Uh, I'll have uh I'll have fleshik." And after a few days, he says, "The Rub never wants milk." He says, "When I eat fleshiks, at least for 6 hours, I have to remember there's a God." I said, "So, if people have trouble making a six-hour commitment, you imagine, yeah, getting married, it's forever, right? Very long time." And that's why it's hard for people to make a commitment. I remember seeing once of these articles on marriage and they say there's one question in marriage that I can never answer when it comes to dating. This seems like a very nice person, but maybe the next person I go out with will be better. There's no way to answer that question. Yeah. Someone sent me an email once uh about a department store for husbands. So, as you go up each each level, it's a different level and uh and you can't go back down. So, they walk into the first one. Very nice. You know, it goes, "Well, let's see what's on the second level." They go on the second level. Oh, it's even better, you know. And they there's only five levels, you know. So, if they get to the fourth level, it's like these people have like everything. And it's like, let's see what's on the next level. The next level says, "I see I can't satisfy you. Thank you for coming. [laughter] There's there's there's always going to be problems. A friend of mine who was a little frustrated with his son in shidim, he says, I remember the story where this boy comes to a Reb with his list and the Reb looks at and says, "This is three different shidim. [laughter] You combine them all. No person could have all of these things, you know, but uh but that's what it is. We're afraid to make a commitment, you know. I have been in kosher restaurants. Ah, that's an exaggeration. I've been in kosher pizza places where they have that little, you know, um, menu where they stick the letters into the little board. Half of them have fallen down. They haven't changed the menu since the young Kipper war. You know, it's all covered with grease and everything. Everyone knows the menu. People come in and stare. H, what should I get? >> [laughter] >> You should have really worked it out before you come, you know, but just I I don't know. I don't know. It's just a meal. It's just lunch. You'll be back here tomorrow. [laughter] But people don't want to commit. People are afraid. Maybe yes, maybe no. Maybe there's something better. Maybe maybe there's someplace else I'd rather be. and you spend uh oh so said there's one question that you can never answer and that is maybe the next person I go out with is better he says the term for those people are older singles where you're always looking for something else something else and I I I spoke to a guy once who went out with maybe 200 girls or some ridiculous amount like that and he says I as I look back I I mean, this had to have been taken them years. As I look back, I think the fourth girl I went out with was the best, [laughter] but there was so many more to go out with. So, finally, when you're in your 80s in the retirement home, you know what I mean? And you'll see uh you know this one old lady and you say, "Well, maybe maybe her." Because at some point you got to make a commitment. Sometimes at some point you have to make a choice. And life is about making choices. And you have to decide. Yeah. Am I going to be a bystander? Am I going to be frozen by my inability to choose? I went to a uh to a store uh I don't know what it's called today. They may have changed the name. You know, it was called the hat box at the time. I went in and there's a yeshiva guy there with three friends trying on hats. And while he was trying on hats, I managed to buy two hats, two suits, a shirt, two pairs of shoes, and a tie. And obviously, I tried everything on. I didn't, you know, they didn't have it waiting for me in a bundle, you know. I tried everything on. When I'm old and I'm leaving, he's still there trying on hats. I said, "How long does it take him to choose a hat?" And the guy laughed at me. He says, "This is the third time he's here. He keeps coming with different friends because he can't make a decision." And and if you can't make a decision, you're going to be stuck in life and you keep waiting for just the perfect thing. Uh when I ran NCSY in Long Island, I was very lucky that I had an assistant director by the name of Joe Werflam. And uh I I can be slightly decision impaired myself because there's not always good choices. You have to you have to make the best choice based on what's available to you. I used to say here were the decisions that I like to make. There are two caterers. One, his food is very good. He's inexpensive and he's reliable. The other one, the food is not very good. He's expensive and he's not reliable. Which caterer should I choose? I love those kind of decisions. I almost never got them. I had one caterer whose food was okay. He wasn't very expensive, but he was very reliable. I had another caterer whose food was very good and uh um and he was more expensive and he wasn't so reliable. So I had to choose. I mean after a number of years running NCSY I figured out that was not even a choice. One year we used to have at the end of the year a regional convention and we'd give out awards. We'd have an award banquet. Everyone get dressed up for the banquet. This was like a formal affair. I was like, you know, I would often wear a tuxedo. I mean, this was was very classy affair here, you know, give out awards and everything. It was very hushive. Anyway, um, so I said, you know what? I'm going to go all out. And I don't know if they're still around. At the time, there was this caterer called Charmeal Caterers. They uh they did weddings and things, you know. I had them come in. They did a stuffed capon, you know, in this apricot sauce, all this kind of fancy stuff. And I found the kids made the same jokes about the food as when I got the most pushet stuff. So, I said, "Forget it. I'm not spending money on this anymore. [laughter] What for? They're going to complain anyway." So, uh, so what's the point? But, um, but you have to go and make choices. And so, sometimes there are great choices and sometimes there aren't. If you ever read these uh accounts from the Holocaust, you find story after story about people weren't sure what to do. Should we go? Should we stay? How should we go? What should we do? How do we make this decision? Now, to be fair, there was nothing in human history to uh compared to the Holocaust. Um, nobody really understood that this was a total extermination of European jewelry. They didn't understand that. If they did, then perhaps they would have handled it differently. But you have to make decisions. Do I go here? Do I go there? Do I do like this? Do I do like that? And to find something perfect. I think it was Winston Churchill. I'm not sure. I'm sure uh somebody will make if I'm wrong make a correction in the comment. Democracy is the worst form of government except for every other. Is it perfect? It's certainly not perfect. There's no question about it. It's not perfect. What is perfect? Um I grew up in a home that was not mashabas. I went to Hank which was a modern Orthodox school and then I went to which is almost yeshivish very close to being yeshivish not exactly but it was close [laughter] I was living in far away my oldest kid was four she was going to the Hartman Y learning like I'm a little teapot short and stout here's my handle here's my so there wasn't any major hashkuffic decision she hadn't really started school yet. And then I met Aliyah and I didn't know anything about the educational system here in Aritzo. So they said, well, there's two elementary schools uh for kids. One is a Bakov and one is what they call the Mad Midi. Basically, there's two types of public schools. There's the secular public schools and there's the religious public schools. So, I was I'll go check them out. I don't know anything about either one of them. So, I went to B Yakov. Now, I'm one of six boys and uh you know, I went to went to Yeshiva, but I really know anything about girls education. I see everybody with the ponytails and the uniform shirts and the pleated skirts. I was like, whoa, this is pretty intense. I mean, this is I've never seen this before. Not saying yes or no, it's just different. And then I went to look at the other school and kids uh had, you know, the latest hairstyles and the latest clothing styles and, you know, stickers of sports stars and rock stars on their book bags. And I said, "Oh, I recognize this. This is Hank." [laughter] Okay. I don't know that I want to send my kids there based on, you know, my experience. Because if you do, you have to be, you know, mazic them and add extra. If I send them to the bac, maybe they'll flip out. But in my experience, my years in cure, I figured out it's easier to make somebody less intensely religious than more intensely religious. [laughter] So, so I chose that school. But at that moment, I had to make a choice. You can't waffle anymore. And there have been several attempts here in Israel to try to find schools that are in the middle. And they always went one way or the other because it's very hard here in Israel. Israel is very black and white. In America, you can live contradictions much easier. In Israel, either either you're or you're misrai and if you try to be in the middle, you end up on one side or the other. But it's very hard to maintain. Now in Ramad B she have some institutions that are able to do that you know and uh walk that line a little easier because they have a lot of Americans. But in America I knew families where the father wore a hat was a card carrying member of a good Israel. He would uh learn dafoy on the train and uh his uh boys learned in his girls were in Bakov, you know, and they would go out to sports games and go to baseball games or whatever, you know, and they would go on vacation and go mix swimming. [laughter] And they were able to handle that kind of a um that kind of a contradiction. But in it's it's like this. Once I made the decision I was going to send my kid to By Jacob, I didn't have to make any more decisions. I got a list and said, "These are the hashkas that you eat. These are the papers you're allowed to read. This is where you're allowed to go. This is what you're [laughter] great. Everything was decided for me." So people ask me, "Uh, are you It was so funny. My my son Hezra who was describing a place once and he says it's but it's not [snorts] [laughter] you know so I said it's uh the worst system except for all the others [laughter] know I have to find the best system that I can work in and the one that I have found at least for me and again I'm not no judgments over here everybody make their own decisions but for me the um the option that gave me the closest ability to have a community that's interested in growing in Torah and mitzvah and in a vote is the world. Let me let me put this into terms. I know this is a little controversial and you know how I love to stay away from anything controversial but having said that there is nothing nothing uh in the modern orthodox world or in the misrai world that um corresponds to the sashas I'm not doing if you learn dyomi or not but that tens of thousands of people fill a stadium with gdulli Torah and everybody celebrating yid who finished and by the way the people coming to dyomi are not necessarily part of the community there are plenty of non-orthodox people who go there playing this but they understand that if I want to celebrate that I'm sitting and learning dafyomi then I have to go I have to go to the to the Metife stadium to to the major celebration Why isn't there something like that on the other side? I don't know. That's more or less why I'm uh, you know, I'm in this world. Do I approve of everything? No, you never approve of everything. No, nothing's perfect. Nothing's perfect. Every system is flawed. And you you have to look at a situation and say, "What what is the best that I can do? Where can I find it best?" And you got to make a choice. And when you try to waffle, you know, you find yourself you find yourself in the middle of the road with the animals. That's a good place to get hit by a truck because you got to make a decision. I remember when I was running NCY, I had a poster. I don't remember where it came from, but it said lead, follow, or get the heck out of the way. But that's it. You got to make a decision. Am I coming? Am I not coming? And and you have this situation all the time where people say, "Should I come? Should I not come?" And then at the last minute, everybody wakes up. I I'm I'm going through this process myself right now because um for the first time I managed to make the Orlosski family pesak that I always wanted to make and uh by all accounts it was tremendously successful. When I say tremendously successful I mean the we sold out the hotel double by Tubishvat. There was no there was no room and I advertised it for a long time and I asked people to come and and uh people were like yeah well then they woke up at the end and people I mean the travel agent was saying to me you know do you need all of your rooms could you leave out some of your family because I could sell every room that I have. So uh so okay I like this particular hotel but it's too small it from that point of view it's too small. So, uh, I'm in the process now of looking for a new hotel and there are only a few options because a lot of these are booked already by other organizations or by other tour uh, groups or whatever it is. And I'm trying to get a place where I can either get the whole hotel or at least I can be a large enough hotel where I can get my people and keep them, you know, together. So, um, so we went around looking at a number of different hotels and I can't find the perfect hotel. Everything has mil and kasanos. So, I was just speaking with the fellow who I'm working with and I went over all the different options and he says, "So, what do you want to do?" And I said, "I'm not sure have I have to choose." He goes, "You better choose because they they'll all be taken and you'll have nothing." So, I can't find perfect. I can't find perfect. So I have to figure out what are the most important things for me to make this decision. I was teaching in I come into the room and there's tremendous tension in the room and uh and someone says ask him ask him. So I don't know what's going on. So a guy says rabbi can I ask you a question? And I said, "Sure." Says, "The Gmorra says that if a Jew is drowning and a non-Jew is drowning and you can only save one, you save the Jew." I said, "That's what the Garra says." Says, "So if my father is drowning and some Jewish guy I don't know, I have to let my father drown." I say, "Okay, everyone's take a deep breath. [laughter] Just relax." How often do you think something like this happens? >> [laughter] >> There's another. It says, "If your father is drowning and your rebi is drowning, you have to save your rebi." I know some fathers who are upset about this. And I said, "Listen, before you get on the boat, check the ship's roster and see if your son's rebi is on. If so, take the next boat." How often do you think a situation like this comes up that two people are drowning and you can't save both of them? My goodness. I still remember the first Spider-Man where uh where uh uh uh the Green Goblin was dropping the uh the little uh you know um Roosevelt Island tram with all the children and and his girlfriend MJ and I was like you can't save them both. He saved them both. [laughter] Imagine you saved them both, you know. But uh uh find yourself in a situation where I could literally only save one and not the other. Yeah. So I said, "This almost never happens." So why does the Gomorrah even bring up a case like that? I said, "The Gamorra creates uh very often artificial problems to force you to define your values. The Gamarra doesn't want you standing in the middle of two lanes saying, "I'll decide which one's better." There comes a point where you have no choice. You have to decide. If I go and I don't go and each one of them is going to have ramifications and people forget that not choosing is also a choice. If I choose not to choose, just stay put. I mentioned a number of times that in my opinion one of the finest books ever written was water ship down uh which is about rabbits but uh there's a part there that's unbelievable there a part that is is must readading yeah and that's the following this little tiny rabbit you know fiverr apparently has nua and he comes in and says we have to leave the warrant is going to get destroyed And the chief rabbit's like, "Okay, thank you very much. You know, thanks for coming." And and they realize he's not going to listen to them. So he takes whatever rabbits he can and he escapes. They will leave the warrant to start a new warrant. And they have all their adventures, etc. And eventually, Captain Holly, who was, you know, in charge of the little uh army police force over there, they who are in charge, shows up. He's all bloody. He's sick. You know what happened? He says there there was no way to anticipate. And this is what he says. He says, "We we discussed with the chief rabbit and he said, listen, there are rabbits who do have this foresight. It does happen. Sometimes people do it just to get attention." But let's say he's right. He says, "You pick up an entire warrant of rabbits and you move them around." It says some people won't go, some will stay behind, some will get lost, and all around you'll be attacked by animals. Foxes will come and get you. There'll be no hole for you to run to. Be foxes, there'll be stos, there'll be all kinds of animals coming to get you. It's always better to just stay put. What they did not anticipate is that where their warren was was going to be developed as a housing development and they were coming in and destroying the entire thing with you know with machines etc and everybody was going to get destroyed but they they couldn't anticipate that. So when you say just hunker down and hope for the best wait for it to pass there is such an idea. There's such an idea but that's a choice also. Choosing not to act is also a choice and that's why when you have when you have to make a decision you have to make a decision. My uh my father when he had his heart attack so the ambulance took him to the nearest hospital which was Mercy Hospital. It's not a heart hospital. There was another hospital in Long Island called St. Francis, which is a specialist heart hospital. And uh and they went to consult with the people in St. Francis and said, "You have to move your father here." And they went back to Mercy and the doctors in Mercy said, "Your father's too weak. If you move him, he'll die. So if you keep him in mercy, the people in St. Francis says he'll die. And if you move him to St. Francis and the people in mercy say he'll die. That's it. You got to make a choice. Keep him here or move him. So what did they do? They went and asked three top cardiologists. Two of them said move him. One of them said keep him. So they moved him. Turned out to be a good decision. But not making a decision is also a decision. It's going to have ramifications whether you realize it or not. And so uh when you find yourself with choices you have to learn. All I can do is look at the evidence and make the best decision. This is where you look for it. It's very interesting. You find David Melik. There were two positions there. There was the head of the Sanhedrin and then there was someone called the Yoates. Akito was considered the most effective Yoites. Hush Ary was like the next best one. But these were people who you went to for they helped to advise you. And there were certain people very good at that. certain people who have tremendous but they're not good at giving advice. People know this not the one to ask if you're looking for a piece of advice. You need somebody who can step inside of your head who can become you. And that's why um after the bris Abraham is an alo named Mambre because Mamre was the one who gave him the to do the brisma. Honor said look you're an old man. You do this procedure it'll kill you. Ashko said, "Listen, if you're weak, we're going to get attacked because everyone knows we're your people and people are going to attack us and nothing personal, but I never learned that trick of throwing sand and having it turn into arrows and uh, you know, and and then rocks and rockets and things. So, I don't know how to do that. So, we're going to get, you know, creamed." And Mamray said, "Uh, you went up against the four world powers. You had yourself thrown into a fiery furnace. What can I tell you? It works for you. [laughter] I would never do it." And in fact, Mray didn't. He says, "But if but for you, it's the right thing to do." Because that's an iter is not to answer what I think. And this is a big problem is that there's often projection and it's a big problem when it comes to giving advice that I look at it from my point of view. What would I do? And mom says it doesn't make a difference what I would do. The question is what should you do? And based on your track record, this sounds like a great idea. Apparently the in Brisk was getting old and not doing such a great job. So the community wanted to replace him but they were afraid that if they just fire him it'll be a hotel to do. So they decided to promote him promote him and make him like in charge of all the So they went to Brisa and they asked him and he says it sounds like a great idea. So they go to the sh they offer him this position and he says well it sounds very interesting I'm going to go and ask for ask the brisk you know briskar so he comes back to the committee he says I asked and he told me not to do it so they go back to he said we asked you if you should do this and you told us yes he says yeah it's a great idea he said but you told him no says Yeah, because for him it's not such a great idea. And I can't give him advice that's bad for him. For you it'd be very good if you could figure some way to get rid of him. But he asked me, should I remain as a sh or take on this make believe position you created? I got to tell him the truth. I got to give him advice for him. And that's that's a big problem. people tend to look at it through their own lenses and they tend to make the decision based on what would I do in this situation instead of understanding what's best for you and that's why I heard Rab L explain once that's the introduction to what becomes the para of because when you're machnim the point is not to do for the guests what you want. Do what they want. So he says, "I'd like to invite you in, but I see you in a rush. So stay outside. I won't bring you in. I'll feed you outside. I'll bring you milk and bring you flesh. Tell me what you want. I let you choose as opposed to people who make uh have guests for their own purposes. My first year at Long Island NCSY, I was young. I get a call from then a wealthy person in the neighborhood inviting me to come to dinner at 8. I was a little surprised because I didn't know these people particularly well. So, uh, so I said, "That's so interesting. Wh why what do I have to owe this invitation to?" They said, 'Well, we're putting together the dinner party and we think you would be an interesting addition. Now, I didn't understand this and I found out later because I was a kid, you know. I found out later that I remember there was this book called the book of lists. It was just lists. Um uh it was uh Michael Medvet I think and Walachinsky, David Walachinsky, whatever it is, they just collected lists. So they asked all kinds of people, which 12 people would you want to invite to a dinner party. So I found out there's this thing called a dinner party. And the whole is you invite 12 people who are all very interesting in different ways so that you can have this really interesting event. I declined. I had too much to do. I declined that. I also declined to uh go to the Amway meeting even though the person assured me it would be a great way for me to make money. But um uh I I don't have time. If you're interested in hosting me, so then you're inviting me. But if you're inviting me as a prop, you think I'd be a fun addition. But when you have guests, you look at it from their point of view. What do they want? So when it comes to making decisions, you know, you have to look at and say, do I do this or not? And the best thing to do is ask and that's why his David Melik was running away from his son Abalum who was going to kill him. So he said you stay behind and try to mess up Akito's advice because any advice that Akito gives is always effective. So tells him, "Listen, he's on the run. He's desperate. He hasn't found a place to hide. Let's go now. Grab everybody you got and chase after him and destroy him because, you know, hit him now when he's when he's weak and he's tired and he's on the run." Says Akito is the best. But you know your dad, he's like a wounded bear. If you if you attack him now, he's going to fight to the death. And because your whole position is tenuous, you can't afford a loss. When you go to war, you're going to have to win. So my advice is collect everybody. get such an overwhelming force that you know you can't lose and then attacked of it. And Abalam says to Akito, you're usually right, but in this case, I got to agree with him. I I know my dad, you're right. What's assemble an overwhelming force? Akito says, "I hear." He went home, set his house in order, and killed himself. Because he knew that now David's going to win because he didn't take my advice. And I'm going to be a mural, a rebel, and a rebel forfeits all of his possessions to the king. So, but if I kill myself beforehand, I know my family will be able to inherit my my uh property and all of my things. But but someone who's very good at giving advice to look at the person and see and I have to say when a RV pos that's that's what he has to do is the re the youngest is of Weston one of the most awesome that I have met in my life. Um his his knowledge was just unbelievable. But not just that, his insight into people was just unbelievable. So um my mom who didn't grow up from, she basically became a sham shabas when my father did. When he died, she was suddenly a sham shabas almana. But she didn't really know too much hal per se. And no matter how many times we would tell her certain things, it wouldn't really help. So after deting, everybody would go over my mother's house and uh like have kiddish and my mother would get uh franks and blankets and she'd put them in the oven and she'd cook them. And I went to a caliber and I said, "Here's the situation. So he says cocktail franks, if I'm correct, cocktail franks are already cooked. Now that's there's two ways of getting them. You can get them where it's like raw dough and you know basically raw hot dogs, etc. And then there's the ones that are basically cooked and you just warm them up. That's what my mother got. He says, "Aha." He says, "So your mother's going to heat it up on Shabas and she knows that you love cocktail franks and she's going to be watching to see if you eat and there's no good excuse you're going to give her that's going to make her happy and you're worried about kov aim. Is that the question?" [laughter] I said, "Yep." He says, "They're already cooked. Just wait till they cook cool down so they're not yell and you could eat them." But to to look into that insight, I was and [snorts] who was the Rashiva um was he he was he was very strict when it came to conservative synagogues strict when they would go on. But I told him, "My brother is getting married and he's having his in the conservative synagogue. what do I do? I was pretty sure he was going to tell me don't go. That's not what he said. [laughter] I go to he says davin beforehand and in fact I managed to get enough people together that I was able to make a minion beforehand. says Davin. And then go up to the shaw, but don't wear your hat and take off your black yarmaka and take like one of those little satin yamas they have in the box and wear that instead. What a what a brilliant piece of advice. Now it's if you're going to go, don't stand out. But it's he understood the situation. It's easy to say just don't go just don't do it. But he understood this a question of sha bias. It's almost rashashana. It was very important to my parents that everybody get together for rishana. But my parents lived in a four bedroomedroom ranch house in uh in for those of you who don't know that means a house on one floor. Not we didn't live on a ranch lived in a little called North America Long Island but um she liked to have everybody over for a shashana but uh there wasn't enough room the family was can growing so she convinced my father take everybody away to the homework all over anyway so at one point over my father says to me you know your brother so and so didn't come I said yeah I noticed he says you know why said He says he didn't think it's proper to be in a hotel for rash. He said, "I hear it. I hear it." He says, "So, how come you came?" I said, "I decided to be on I thought that was a more important than having the best that I could." So, you always have to make decisions and the decisions not going to be perfect decisions. But at some point you have to do something. This story has to be 30 years old. And it haunts me to this day. I had flown lal. I was waiting by the carousel and uh the luxury was coming around and on the other side of the carousel. There was this young couple that looked like they had just gotten married, you know, he uh he had like a baseball cap and his wife was like, you know, they didn't look religious or anything. And clearly they had been on the flight and I don't know what happened but this short angry Israeli guy bald you know tough guy evidently got into some sort of sick with them some kind of an argument whatever it is and he's just trying to calm the guy out and he spits in the guy's face and the wife starts crying and the guy that you know and he spits again and finally security came over and they he took a swing at them and they took him out. And I'm on the other side there and I'm thinking to myself, what could I have done? You know, I I've never been particularly strong or agile. In my mind, I was going to hop over the carousel, you know what I mean, and tackle the guy, but probably I would have just hurt myself climbing onto the carousel is more likely what would have happened, you know? But I didn't really know what to do. But I have this keen sense of injustice that I should do something even though I don't know what to do or how to do it. But I feel like you got to do something. You got to stand up to a bully. I'm not very good at it. I've gotten hurt many times. [laughter] In retrospect, I think I should just buy pepper spray or something. I don't know. You know, reminds me of Woody Allen says that he was going for this self-defense course and it really wasn't happening. So he used to just pay the instructor to walk him home at night. [laughter] So I'm not really sure what to do, you know. Anyway, I was in Tavaria. I went to look at a hotel, one of the hotels that we're considering. And here's the scene. There's this older fellow. He's wearing a yamaka, and he's loading up his car and he's blocking the road where he is. He could have moved up a little bit, but you know, he had a certain sense of entitlement. Behind him was this car. It's Benim with these two yeshiva bakim, you know, with the long pace, etc. And they're beeping at him because they want to get by. I don't think that was the best way to handle the situation, but um you know, but okay. Anyway, eventually the guy gets in and they start to drive by and he starts screaming at them and they start screaming at him. Now, I didn't see exactly what happened, but apparently somebody shoved each other, whatever it is. His son was in a different car. He comes running over and punches out one of the guys. And I was just shocked. I was just shocked. Random act of violence like that. I mean, I you don't expect that from a Jew, you know. And then I see him run back to his car and his wife is crying and says, "Stop already. Stop." And I see him go to the trunk and I'm thinking he's going to pull out a tire iron and kill these guys. You know, so I said, "I can't fight the guy obviously, but 30 years later, I have a phone and I take it out and I start filming the guy. You can see the clip here. I'll put it up for you." and he's rumaging around and his wife is crying and she's saying, "Stop. Stop. Look, somebody's filming you." So, I figure that means that I have, you know, you understand you're on camera, so you should stop. He comes walking towards me. Now, you can't really see this on the phone. You could just see that something happened here. Um, and he's walking towards me and I'm filming because I figure you're on camera, you know. And he punches me and steals my phone. Let's share a word. What's wrong with you? >> It still hurts. A week later, I'm still in pain. And uh eventually I got my phone back. The people from the hotel who are hoping that I'm going to take it for PES ran out to make sure [laughter] I got my the guy just comes over and hits me. The kadal say if you just raise your hand against a fellow Jew you're called a Russia. You punched him out. You punched me out. Okay madak over there. You think that he did something to your father. I'm just standing here and you punched me out. I was there with my wife, two children, and a grandson. And my wife and two children started saying to me, "Why did you get involved? Why did you have to do anything? You're an old man. The guy could have killed you. You got a bad heart. Yeah, you're in terrible shape. I said, because you have to make a decision to do something. I can't fight the guy. I can't this. I can't prevent myself from being hurt. But what am I supposed to do? has run away from a situation where I can't leap across the carousel to save the guy, but I can at least film it. That much I have to do. As we get in the car and we're driving away, everyone's telling me, "Aba, I don't know why you do these things. Why do you have to get involved?" And my grandson says, "That's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to stand up. [laughter] So I gotta say if I got to go, I could just sit here and wait till I slowly, you know, the heart disease gets me or the diabetes gets me and my kidneys shut down and I go blind. Everything else that these degenerative diseases go or imagine that I die because somebody killed me because I was trying to help a fellow yet. That's a great way to go. [laughter] I mean, listen, I'm uh I'm not saying that I'm I'm I'm looking to go, but if you're going to go, stand up with and do something. Don't just stand back. I I I relive that moment where I sit there and think, what should I have done? What should I have done? And here at least I did something. You make a decision. We're coming into Rashashana and they're going to open up three books. The book of Tadikim, the book of Rashim, and the book of Bayanim. Rashim get written in for bad things. Sadikim get written in for good things. The Baymur. It's a temp file. And then decide decides where you go because you cannot live as a ben. You can't stand in the middle of the two lanes and decide which one I'm going to go. You can't just sit back. You have to make a decision. You have to make a choice. Lead, follow, or get out of the way. And with Rashashana coming, we walk in and we need clarity. That's what the key is for. The Pik says shaper is to make it beautiful. Chase away the clouds. be able to see clearly and make a decision where you want to go. Okay, I have uh few appreciation comments here. Thank you for all your podcast and recording. I've been following your recordings way before you started your podcast, but I was especially inspired by your recent Elo preparation podcast. I always start my Ella with a sheer you gave years ago because I find it so meaningful and uplifting. It really sets the tone for this time of year without being depressing and overwhelming. Yeah. I I I happen to think that I remember one time I gave a shir before and it was very funny and positive. The guy comes over to me afterwards and said, "I went to El. That's not our mahal. L is el So I said you went to those elmusen said yeah you went to mine yeah which helped you better for rash for sure yours but l is lash give that's the way we do it [laughter] the podcast really hit the spot I have been through a challenging year and it was just what I needed to hear thank you may you continue to have the to keep inspiring and being mkazic people around the world PS I am part of the silent group of colo wives who enjoy a shirim podcast etc. Well, great to see you. Yeah, reminds me when I was in NCSW, I used to write song parodies. He's a real coal man sitting in his coal land making all his future plans for no reason. Anyway, and that's it for this episode. If you want to find out more about the show, you can go to my website railowski.com. You can leave a comment. You can ask a question. You can sign up for one of the online sherim. You could sponsor, please sponsor an ep an episode or a um a question and answer or a par five. It's almost time to start recording various coming to the end of the farm. Time is uh keeps moving. Yeah. Um you can go to the merch store. Lots of great stuff to do. So that's it for this episode. Until next time, this is Davidski and this has been Rabbi. >> It's the Rabbi Orlovski Show. Torah and Sima, ready to go. The Rabbi Orlovski show. Knowledge and wisdom will help you grow. Lots of fun in every episode. And we don't have to rhyme, no we. It's the Rabbi Orlavski show on rabbi orki.com to [music] anytime you and more. It's the Rabbi orski show. Torah and ready to go. It's the Rabbi orski show. Till next time till we meet again. It's the Rabbi show. It's the Rabbi show. It's the Rabbi orski show.