If Judaism Is So Into Tzniyus, Why Do We Have Public Mikvehs?

Hi, this is David Alamowski with question and answer shorts. Loenstein asks if Judaism is so into why do we have public mikviz? So this is a very good question. I'm first going to go on the other side. There were women who came from Europe to America and they didn't keep because they said my mother never did that. I never went, my mother never went to the mikvah because they were so sua about it that nobody knew about it and they were young when they came across and they never learned. They didn't even know there was such a thing as mikvah such a thing as tisb. So you have to be careful when it comes to not talking about certain things because you can create uh an atmosphere about it. So um I was teaching in a particular base Yakov and uh one of the highlights of my course that I did there was on you know shid in marriage and I had a series that I would go through right first I would explain uh women's role in Judaism because I said you know marriage is between a man and a woman so you have to understand what a man is and what a woman is. Yeah. And then I would talk about Sneas. And then I would talk about platonic relationships. And then I would get down to the nitty-gritty of dating and deciding what you want to marry to it. And every year there would be certain girls who would complain to the head of the of the school that they didn't want to hear about these things. They found it offensive, whatever it was. And he said, "No problem. You're not required to take his class. Just don't go to his class." And the other girls told their friends about this course because they said this is the most effective thing that I did in two years of uh of of seminary because nobody teaches us what to look for in a boy, how to decide how to get married, what we're supposed to do on a date, how we're supposed to be engaged, what was the woman married. He he got into all the nitty-gritty and explained things. So at one point they brought in this woman who was like a mashki to supervise everything. And so one girl after I gave a class on sneez was upset and instead of going to the manahel went to this lady and the lady told me in no uncertain terms stop this course. So I came in the next uh class I taught about something else. I came next about something else and someone said what happened? We were in the middle of doing the shidim and I said I can't do it anymore because I'm in an unsafe environment because someone in this room instead of having the decency to come and speak to me or to speak to them in a decided to rat on me to the mashki who has now answered me from discussing these things and the girl said but my friends told me that this was the most important thing she got out of two years of seminary and I said it is and they said we're losing out and I said you are and if you could find who this person is You should tell them that they destroyed a very important aspect of your life. At the end of the year, I wasn't rehired, but first the Mashka had a conversation with me at the end of the year and she said, "Men don't talk about these things. And if we do talk about sneers, we never mention boys. We don't talk about that. We talk about Kadusha and Basel Panima." And I said, "You know what? you're involved in a very very fascin and they dress terribly. And she said to me, "You're right." I said, "So what you're doing is not effective and what I do is effective." And she said to me, "You're right." But that's our misora. So why should we be effective when we've always done it this way? So if you keep such sneers about terrorism that people don't even know about it and the end result you may be doing more damage than good. I understand not advertising about it. Uh well I have eight daughters. There's a big difference between girls and boys. You know my girls know when my wife is pregnant a day after conception. They already know that she's pregnant. I don't know how they know it. They just know it. Girls know these things. Yeah. Um my wife's sister who has boys had mostly boys, they didn't know she was pregnant until she was on the way to the hospital to have the baby. I mean, they just boys don't pick up on these things, you know. So, of course, my wife was always very circumspect about coming to the going to the mikvah. I would always come up with some story. And my wife is a terrible liar. That's one thing I have not given her over the years. She's just honest to a fault, you know. So, I try to make up a story, but she repeats it over in like a loud voice like, "Okay, I'm going now to my Anyway, but we assumed that we were doing a pretty good job until my daughters got married and somehow it came up and they said, "Yeah, we always knew when you were going to the mikvah. You always had this one bag that you took with you, so we always knew it was the mikvah." So, you know, so you of course don't advertise it, but by the same token, you don't have to hide it. So, um, if you're have enough money to build your own mikvah, which is one of my dreams, I want to be able to make my own mikvah and I don't like people. There's something about, you know, when I start going to the mikvah, you know, you know where when you're a little kid, you have those nightmares where you come to school in your underwear. After going to the mikvah here in Israel, which is much more of a public affair, I don't have those dreams anymore. That's already good. If I'm wearing my underwear, I feel good. So, by men, it's this giant communal experience. It's like really uh I don't know. I feel very uncomfortable with the whole thing, you know, but you get used to it, you know, but everyone knows that there's a mikvah. Given the choice between building a mikvah and a shul, you build a mikvah. It's essential for the community. So, if you're rich enough to make your own mikvah and nobody ever even knows that there is a mikvah, but we're not rich enough. Having said that, you tried to put it in a private place where it's not going to be in a hightraic area where there's not going to be a lot of people coming and going and watching everyone going. My uh my son who lives in Ramad Gimmel says when they built the mikvah, they built it on a street that was a dead end and every man on that street had to walk past the mikvah just to get off his street. And so they petitioned the area to build some staircases further down so that people could walk up to the next street without having to walk past the mikvah. So yeah, you don't want to keep a roster of who's coming. We don't want to have to have, you know, that be the conversation of the town, but uh neither do we have the funds to be able to uh, you know, build a secret mikvah or to have everybody build their own mikvah. just it's just prohibitive. But if you want to build your own mikvah and you have the funds to do it, mva manoy and if you do, you know, and it's innov uh sharing it with anyone else cuz it leads to embarrassing situations, men just go communally, you know. Uh I was uh taking my shower before the mikvah and somebody comes over and says you know you never paid me for the shakas we said with mash shapiro and I said I've said this before but never with as much kavana I have nothing on me so uh I was I was at a disadvantage and I came out of the mikvah and I was and I was getting dressed and some guy came over to yell at me he didn't like the way I was dotting and shul And I was my I'm standing there, you know, half-dressed and I'm thinking, you don't see a problem with this? You don't have that much decency in you. So, yeah. Yeah, we're as a community, we need a mikvah. We need to know there is a mikvah. We need to support the mikvah, but we don't have to be involved in everybody's individual uh activities that go on in the mikvah. I remember after I had my uh heart surgery, so I went for the posttop meeting and he says, you know, you can't go swimming, you can't take a bath, you can't go to the mikvah. I said, "Can I go if I don't go in the water?" So he says, "Uh, guess so. Why?" I said, "Just for the experience." You know, people get together, they talk, you get all the news at the mikvah. You know, uh, for one thing I never understood as Arab Shabas, they sell dips at the mikvah. I mean, how many times are you gonna dip? I mean, that that seems like double dipping to me. But anyway, so it is quite an experience. If you ever have the opportunity, if you're a man, go to the bells of Mikvah, the gigantic bells in your maka there. It's open almost till Shabas. They have flowers, they have prepared food, they have uh, you know, that whatever you want, they've got there. It's one of the greatest experiences. you go to the mikvah, you come and do your shopping or you do your shopping and you take it to the mika, whatever you want to do. It's really quite an experience and uh you know um obviously it's something that is supposed to be private for the individual but not for the community as a whole. This has been Davidski with our question and answer shorts.