I Turned Down A Million Dollar Contract (Ep. 248)

hi this is D olowski and welcome to the rabbi olowski show whether you watch with our friends over at T any time whever you watch or listen to your podcast as always we're happy to have you along for the experience and bem my appeals have not fallen on deaf ears we have gotten some sponsorships but we need some more so so I don't want to be uh one of those Jewish grandmothers who uh uh uh you know whenever you call they say how come you never call so a special thank you to those people who really uh came up and sponsor these episodes to make sure that they uh that the show can continue and um you know really we appreciate it and the rest of you who have been thinking about it yes please come and sponsor you can do it in honor of a loved one you can do it in memory of a loved one you could do it in honor or memory of a slightly disliked one or you could do it as a to basically uh end of Vendetta you know and say this person did these terrible things to me and I would like to sponsor the show as a recognition for the Terrible Things they've done to me and Hashem should help them do chuva I'll do that too I'm really easy and uh we need to any corporate sponsors this is your opportunity uh we have a very dedicated audience out there and I'm sure they would love to hear about your product and uh um be ready to uh patronize your uh business or just patronize you personally by telling you what a great job you do okay so sponsor for this week is sponsored by the Shanker family from Los Angeles good friends thank you so much and appreciation for rowski and the many years of benefit we have had from the podcast I am so glad and uh that people eny enjoy this and H I keep meeting people I keep getting emails from people who said they suddenly stumbled on it and they started binge watching six years of this I cannot tell you uh how much that means to me I've been getting some really um amazing emails lately and um uh it's uh I I I'll have to read them on the show Once not just to to my own horn but just so that people understand that when you help to keep the show going theic and the appreciation that so many people have and how it really helps people in their lives that's why we do it you know I uh I used to teach I ran ncsy for for nine years Long Island and then I moved here and then I slowly started teaching and had different positions and I used to teach all day and now uh then I started a speaking career I traveled around speaking and now I don't do nothing just this podcast you know someone said to me are you retired I said well I didn't plan it that way but it turned out I'm like Joe Biden I've been retired anyway so uh so yeah soem um we really put a lot into this and we were're so happy that there are people who who gained from it and uh you know and uh shout out to producer iSell someone sent me an email commenting on uh how nice the production looks and uh wonderful everything sounds and you know really we're doing a top job over here and that uh that cost money to to put it into the subtlest terms I know it's not something we're supposed to mention but uh we need your help and we need your support and thank you so much to those of you who do okay um so uh we're coming out of Tish and um I don't know what that says about clly iSell that uh the uh probably the most popular uh um show I have during the entire year is my Tish podcast a part of that is I guess people just are looking for something to do on Tish but uh I get a lot of comments and a lot of feedback and people feel it really gives them and I guess maybe I should really change the tone of the podcast and do much more tragedy sness because also when I was talking about you know uh my my podcast about the situation and the war that broke out in there also very popular so people seem to like death and destruction a lot more than they do my usual funny observations be that as it may yeah um when we said the kinis there is one of the kin by Rebel and khier which uh his kenis are considered uh by many people to be you know the the gold standard of kenis and he has won how will we ever find and uh it's very unusual that any of the kinist end on a positive note but this one actually does and ends with a possible with a positive idea and then we will have a so it was interesting I may have mentioned this I have a little SCH in harof and uh anyone who happens to be in harno for shabas and would like to come D with us us uh everything's in English I'm sorry so if you're one of the surprising amount of Israelis who watch this I don't know if you'll enjoy it although there are two completely Israeli people who really don't understand a word of English who come in Davin and we always have a Kish afterwards and they stay for the Kish and I say a I say a small draa at the kidish and and they sit through it and they don't understand a word of it and uh and they say I just I love this I love this doing I love the place I don't understand a word you're saying but doesn't make a difference you can get the feeling so if you happen to be around you're more than welcome to come and Doin with us and um uh I am the uh the token Rabbi I'm not the only Rabbi but I'm one of the rabbis there I get to sit up front mostly because it's in my house and uh and I get to to act as Rabbi make make some announcements every now and then with Hing implications and things you know um I've never been a uh this is the only time I've ever been a synagogue Rabbi and it's interesting I've mostly been in the field of K and K I've never been in rabanus and uh when uh my career collapsed some years ago so some people reached out out to me from a some place in ell and asked if I would apply for the position of rabones and I told them UPF front I'm willing to do it but uh if you're looking for a worldclass Pake that's not what I am if you're looking for somebody to give shurm and to work with families and to you know and be available for counseling and to you know to build help build communities those things I'm very good at but if you're looking for a world class POC I'm not I can posin basic questions um but uh anything more involved I'm not a POC I remember when I got SM I've told this story in the past I said to my rebi I said so now I can P and shilas H he laughed he says no now you're qualified to maybe ask a Shila you know he said I just wish I could do for you what my rebi did for me when I got SM he turned it over wrote down to mosha Feinstein's phone number and says if you have any actual questions call this number but don't ask it on your own he says when I wanted to become a mar I went to a particular pisc he says no problem sit next to me for a week and answer all my questions and if you can do that I'll give you permission to pin yeah so I said I'm not word Class B and they said oh that's exactly what we're looking for and so I had a meeting I had an interview and everybody seemed like they were having a wonderful time it was going very nicely and then I uh uh I didn't hear anything for a month or two my wife said why don't you contact them I said this is the first time I've ever applied for a job in my life I never looked for a job I was either offered or bullied into taking taking every position I ever had it's the first time I actually applied for a job I'm not going to call them up and beg for the job you know they asked me to apply it was the first resume I ever wrote up in my entire life was for this position anyway about a month two months later remember was got a form email dear applicant thank you for applying but we've decided you know uh not to uh to use you for this position thank you you know very truly yours so that was the closest I ever came to becoming a synagogue Rabbi so uh you know a little of a rub over here and uh we answer pretty basic questions so uh this past year mat M was together and therefore we did the T for par M on par Pinas and then in mat we did M and of course we did so someone said my height and I said because before TSH there are three Haas of are giving warning and uh and uh those have to be read before TSH and so when mat Mas is together there's only one week with mat M so we have to move that H Torah so we have three weeks of and someone asked well when do we do mat and M you know with mat M I said the next time mat M are separate paros check your calendar uh for further developments not sure I'm sure it'll pop [Laughter] up and starting with [Music] shabas yeah starting with shabas we do the sh the seven of and K says I love you I'm sorry this whole thing happened uh you know uh you know anytime you guys want to do chuen come back I'm waiting for you and that's what we do we do seven weeks of uh of and uh pointed out once that all of el are the of it's all of these K asks how can we have a how we have a after all the things that have taken place particularly this year when you did the Crea um for for uh Tish and you come across the PK in the tis Ling right everyone knows that's the beginning of some and and it's to the now the Trum of is musically not that different than the Trum from Mill's Esther and when we do it's the uh it's the n from right it's the same one so here it is Tish and we're remembering the Tish that we had on uh now again I say because in we only have one day only have one day is also this coming year it will be a three-day Rashana for those of you in a three day suus and a three day right because you have then you go into a shabas shabas doesn't give you a lot of time to be marra and uh same thing you have two days for shash and then you go right into chabas yeah and same thing with suas do they we have a day in between except for except for R we're we're all stuck we all have three-day Yanti I say stuck but I don't mean to say it that way of course because there people have corrected me and said wow what could be more beautiful than three days of kadha and I said one day of kadha a shower and another day of kadha that could be more beautiful and in fact I said 3day yff was something that was um that was instituted by the in order to encourage alah you know so and in fact when I was here uh it was this kind of a year and we went through a three day rash and we've been debating whether or not we were going to stay in our so not my original plan was coming for three years and then go into rabones you see how well that worked out but um to to have a um uh three day y so I went through that and I said okay before sukus I said I'm forced now to make a decision if I decide to live in erel I'm going to be away from family and friends um I'm putting myself into a culture that I don't know and I'm not familiar with I'm making a decision obviously for my children and my grandchildren most of whom are here in arel still and I have to deal with uh Israeli taxes you know economic issues social issues all kinds of things that come up or I could have another two three day yff and I said there's no question have to Brave terrorist attacks and wars and everything that goes with it or spend another 3day y I'll definitely move here I decided on that spot on the spot to to make alah uh in fact there there was somebody who was in my house when I finally made the call to Diane Weiss to ask the Shila and he says oh it was the craziest thing it was AR sukus and he's suddenly deciding at the last minute no I had decided beforehand I just wanted to get an official sock to make sure that I was right it was isn't that on the I just said oh let me call Rabbi and see if I can uh you know be an Israeli yeah I had made the decision beforehand so people tell stories about me sometimes that bear absolutely no uh resemblance to the reality sometimes I don't mind if I come out looking good sometimes people tell me stories oh I remember when you did this or you said that never happened you know so when it's negative I I object when it's positive I don't really care so much you know so uh uh some someone uh said you know everyone knows that you gave up a million-dollar contract in Hollywood to uh you know to sit and sit and learn and and and be my store I said that's a great story I'm not gonna I'm not going to squelch that one it's not true the truth is a is a lot less dramatic you know um what actually happened is when I was teaching in Los Angeles one of the parents uh was a talent agent and he said to me kid you have what it takes I was a kid he says uh I'm putting together a uh sitcom I need writers I want you to write for the show at the same time we'll put together a uh standup routine this was the late 70s the era of the stand-up comics you know and I see you having your own show in three or four years and I went home and I thought about it and I said let's say I can stay Fir and do this which is very difficult Stephen Hill um was starring in mission impossible mission impossible was a television show that they later made into action movies and the first one the original cast came to watch and they walked out because they said you missed the whole cop of mission impossible mission impossible there's no there's no chase scenes they never use a the gun the whole cop is to go in do the mission without anyone ever knowing you were there no one knows their names no one's ever seen them you know they come in they do their mission and they leave and and no one even knows that they were there that's the the brilliant of Mission Impossible and uh they changed it around but Stephen Hill had the lead role and it was a hit TV show and he became from and he realized they would have to film on chabas and he gave it up and Peter Graves got the role um and so he stayed in Hollywood but you know how many roles are there from people you know who are going to keep Hala there's a couple of from people in Hollywood who play fast and loose with certain Halas apparently there was a television show called Gotham and the kid who played Bruce Wayne as a kid was a fir Jew in Los Angeles they said the whenever you see Bruce Wayne eating anything on screen it's kosher you know but he had to do certain other things that uh were problematic and there were certain other actors and actresses who were supposedly from but almost impossible if you want to keep to her properly and that's why most of his scenes were like uh when he was in Laur and Order and he played the district attorney where he basically sits in a chair and when they present the information he goes I don't have enough to go to a grand jury you're going to have to get the wife to talk dong dong D that's basically all he does so you know it's not not the same thing I said well let's say somehow I could have this show and keep from and and get them to do you know uh you know what what I want yeah and uh and let's say I am successful because everyone tells themselves they're going to be successful yeah um there was a song in the 1960s Do You Know the Way to San Jose and it's about these people who come you know to Los Angeles seeking you know jobs and entertainment you know and all the stars that never were parking cars and and pumping gas I think so decid I'm going to go back to San Jose so I said okay but assuming I could really make it assuming that I can stay for him I said at the end the K was going to say to me I gave you these and what' you do with them you know you went after Fame and Fortune so I said no I'm going to stay from him that's what I told the guy nothing ever came of it I don't even know which TV show he wanted me to write for I don't know anything about it and this story has morphed until I turned down a million dollar contract so uh hey if that works for you don't allow me to disabuse you you know but um um So Stories stories tend to get exaggerated R Sinclair who actually had a career in entertainment for real used to say how is it that you're considered that you gave up more than I did I was in I was uh I was in television shows I was in Broadway plays I was in the music recording business you know and it was says oh rovski gave up a million dollar contract I said you just have to have the right publicist baby I guess they never taught you that in Hollywood but um uh you know the uh the fact is that um you know you uh you I I I I didn't decide at the last minute to keep it you know 3day unff but um you uh you move along and you uh you have to make certain decisions and suddenly you're here on T and you're looking the laning and you see the that's the beginning of I saw somebody say I don't know who came up with the cop and somebody said if the B was still you know alive in our day he would have said if turned into Tish then Tish will hopefully turn into a but how could we have a that's what how are we going to have a how do we how do we find how do we find Comfort very hard um I had a trip to America recently H it wasn't a speaking tour uh per se it was a um my grandchildren wanted to become Americans me and my wife are Americans so even though our children were born in Israel those that were born in Israel uh they're all Americans cuz we're Americans so they're Americans but they were not born in America they were born in Israel so even though they're Americans they don't have Theus to pass that down to their children they have to go to America to register their children as Americans so one of my daughters wanted to do that um and make her kids Americans and uh she got an appointment down in Florida and she asked if I would come along and uh I didn't have any speaking you know make a whole trip to America and schp around and um we go down to Florida and go back up to New York Etc you know so uh and uh you know we're you know uh me and my daughter and her two kids we're not in we're not like in big demands you can imagine so the first shabas I spent by my brother and it was you know he says okay but it's going to be a little difficult because uh my wife's visiting her mother in Milwaukee and is coming back just before shabas and then afterwards where you know going down to Florida they were selling a condo they had over there and um in order to uh you know move in Mell and have an apartment there so uh they had to go down right after shabas and go and pack up everything so okay nonetheless you know family's family we able have come so the next shabas I decided to spend by my good friend R benyam Hammer I call him Barry Barry hammer and um uh he uh I was supposed to come in for his 60th birthday he has a um he has a home uh in a little vacation village outside of uh outside of montelo I wasn't able to make it because I had an operation on my hand and the doctor wouldn't let me fly and uh you know I missed it unfortunately but I said you know what I'll look at this sort of as Tash I know of my wife but we'll come up and my other daughter elizeth farak came up with a husband and son you know and we all came and uh spent the chabas um Birchwood bwood States and Randa from basically is it's his his vacation village he brings up the whole Yeshiva and they have a whole thing over there we came up we had such an unbelievable shabas as soon as I got up there it was just H the place is so beautiful we had uh you know it was so relaxing everything was so wonderful and um uh it was really very special was very special spent it uh you know some of his children were there and uh it it was we just had a great time mosu shabas they made a little fire my my grandchilden roasting marshmallows you know it was uh it was very special so he says listen Dove you know he was my assistant director in say my do says uh you know they want you to give a sheer to the ladies I said gamar says whatever you babus wants you do if you want me to do it I'm happy to do it okay you know they they want you to give a share I said then he says Randa ask if you'd speak to the Yeshiva said sure no problem speaking is the only thing I know how to do you know sometimes I go to a Sim and uh people say to me I'm a little embarrassed can I ask you to speak I said if there's a plumber and he doesn't know how to how to unclog a toilet he should really find another way of earning a living all I can do is talk so I'm always happy to talk in fact somebody says to me goes you know I watch your podcast you know uh so I said well you know I talk all the time it's just for one hour a week we actually film it but otherwise I'm always talking I'm sitting by myself in a room just talking nobody's listening but you know I should really record it you know when I lived in La uh ABY Rottenberg was there and sometimes i' have the invite me over for dinner and uh while the reison was setting everything up he sit down at the piano he just started playing and I didn't recognize any of the songs and I once asked the riton I said what's he playing and she says his day he could just sit down and turn his day into music after while he realized GE maybe I should record these things and he would say with a little you know uh tape recorder and he was he would just have music pouring out of him many of those became some of the favorite songs of uh of clell to this day so uh yeah so I talk you know we had just a wonderful wonderful shabas came back to and the week afterwards he called me to say you know R Landa said you know oh he added so much to the shop isn't it was so nice next time you come we should do something in in a bunch of other uh vacation Villages we'll set something up we'll get everything going you know and he said to me we really should make more of an effort to stay in touch now you have understand that our relationship goes back 42 years because when I was first married which was 42 years ago I came to Israel and we had arranged an apartment and someone gave it away and you know we stayed stayed in a hotel for the first days of circus and theno we weren't sure what we were going to do we came to look for apartments and we came to eat in Su and uh and Barry saw us there and saw us as a couple of just NE who needed help and we became his project he found us somebody had gone away he gave us their apartment in the meantime this and that and Himi just took care of us that whole year you know he uh he made the for my my first daughter was born in erel and uh and that was it we were friends for years and then um at one point he came to work with me in ncsy my assistant director and uh he was just this bull of energy I mean you know I had trouble keeping up with him you know and back then that was when my ad was at its height and I was all over the place you know but he was uh and he would always say to me Dove I'm a machine Dove I'm a he would do a 100 different things at the same time which is unbelievable anyway so uh we spoke I remember it was Tuesday and uh then Thursday I get a call from the rivon and uh Barry was nifter how could that possibly be I I was just with him I just talked to him on the phone he was full of life he was full of energy that's how his father passed away you know sudden heart attack his uncle his grandfather and that was it you know he went to sleep and uh didn't wake up the shik sashem and uh I still don't have the words to express it h there there's a hole in my soul he was uh he was more than a friend he was a brother and uh and he was very close to you know my younger brother he was also a brother so we're M he's a brother to me and to my brother and he was part of the family he was uh just unbelievable he could talk to anybody he could solve any problem he was not afraid to jump into anything it was absolutely amazing how can we find n that was the question so I watched levia online I mean there was no way I could get in you know I don't know if you know this but you know there a they they they keep talking about having a war here another War besides the war that we're already fighting from the north so right away all the airlines stopped flying only LL almost impossible to get a flight and it's a terrible situation I it's very hard to get in I watched I watched levia it was like two hours later and one of the people who spoke was AEV Ginsburg was a r of course in the five towns was also very close the baring and uh and he told the story he says when I lost my daughter and I was sitting shiva so everybody was coming pay Shiva call and someone comes in and he says you know baring Hammer is sitting outside in his car says tell him to come in he says he can come in because he says he cannot handle seeing the look of pain in your face he says that's a that's a when you when you have that level of of understanding and appreciation how come you have a so the only way that we can have a is by understanding that life is very complicated it's interesting that the last words he ever said to me was Dove we have to make an effort to stay more in touch I told my wife well there's only one way I'm going to be able to do that now she says don't don't go and see him right away but you never know never know what what life has in store for you you know you can plan whatever you want you know when your time comes I during the in and when there were all the stabbings and everything that was going on I went to The Old City I didn't care you know uh when they had the missile attacks you know in the early time of the war and they were sending all the missiles in Gaza everybody would go running I didn't go running so one time someone said to me aren't you worried I said alamis don't die in missile attacks we don't die in plane crashes we don't die in pandemics none of us have ever died in a dramatic way diabetes and heart disease that's how we've died for centuries that's how I'm gonna go and then Barry dies of a heart attack so it's like uh oh that's my kryptonite you know I mean one thing to do and in fact uh about 6 months ago well for for the past year I've been having trouble uh breathing I had I had a bypass operation 10 years ago after my heart attack but the past year I've been having trouble breathing and and and pressure in my chest I figured there were panic attacks because I'm already half crazy so like you know why not I'm having panic attacks and my wife kept saying no I don't think so go to the doctor and the doctor tell him me go to the cardiologist and the cardiologist says this doesn't sound like panic attacks and he sent me for a bunch of tests and he says you have you know clogged artery so uh I go in to have Sten put in it was uh when when I went to have my bypass they weren't going to do Sten it was it was too serious you know I remember afterwards everyone would come to see me they say yeah I also I had blockage I had Sten I said why am I the only one who had a bypass well I must have a better insurance plan than you guys do you know but uh so they're going to put in stance all right so the guy uh says it'll be about an hour and a half four hours later I come out tells my family this was very very serious it was very hard complicated thing you know but we straightened it out few weeks later I'm working and I'm having trouble breathing now when I went for the follow-up meeting with the uh fellow who did The Stance he said to me I'm sure I'll see you again which is not what you want to hear from a person who puts in stance or a mo that that's not what you want to hear so um uh so I uh so I went back to the cardiologist and he says uh it would have here that the Sten didn't take they closed or you know things grew around whatever it is says so what do I do he goes well it doesn't pay to put in any more stents because the ones that we put in aren't working they're not going to open you up again so uh don't start any long books so Barry I don't know I might see you sooner than I think if only if only there was a terrorist attack I'd be fine but heart disease gosh anyway but who knows I my my Solace is uh What uh said um who said that g has nothing to do with you can live a long sick life yeah so my mom did she made it to 89 she had heart failure for like 25 years she had terrible diabetes she had all kinds of different things wrong with her she made it to 89 in terrible Health you ask me how's your mom doing I said maintaining her usual level of low standard of living terrible health so you know who knows maybe I'll just linger for the next 25 [Laughter] years but uh but when when you look for a find how do you how do you how do you find that how do you manage to go on and come out of Tish and you think about everything that happened on sheras and how they destroyed everything so the answer is that life is complicated um somebody told me once they were going to a levia somebody who died very young it was a terrible tragedy and the saying and we should get there says he says because you're happy that you didn't get killed on the way even though you're going to a Leva but at least you're happy that you made it right that something else didn't happen because uh that does happen those kind of things happen too terrible and uh I was teaching an so there was a fellow there who lived in a yesu and they just had a terrorist attack and he said to me there's somebody from the shear getting married tonight how do I go from the levia of friends and uh and go to a uh a wedding of of a how do you do that I said listen this is what synagogue rabbis have to do all the time they go from a levah to a they go from a bris to a Leva to a to AA you know life life is complex there a lot of different things the is if your father dies you make a br that you lost your father and if he left you an inheritance you make a br thanking that you got yusha why because two things could be true at the same time and you have to be able to hold a lot of emotions in your head and in your heart and that's why uh you know people are talking already how you supposed to have are you supposed to have some this year after what happened last year yeah the answer is if we allow tragedy to Define us we won't have any days left you know they've been they've been uh attacks on everything and the and the concentration camps they used to um take 10 Jews and hang them on perm and and remembrance of the 10 sons of hamon the that's why a lot of people were expecting that the war from uh Iran and and uh Lebanon the hasbalah we're going to start in Tish because they look for days that are meaningful to us to attack us yam Kipper didn't happen I don't know when it's going to happen I don't know if isn't going to happen but uh but they want to take our days of sim and turn them into tragedy and we have to be able to deal with two things at the same time to be happy and to be and and to have the same I remember when my father died and when my mother died chabas of AIS it's chabas there's no Avis on chabas but you know that there's a tragedy and you have to be able to keep both of those thoughts in your head at at the same time and it's not easy to do as I often say if living a meaningful life was easy everybody would do it so it takes three half toras to give us it takes seven half Tas to be able to give us and to and to tell us listen you know you lost the B mes you lost you're in Gus all the tragedies that you've gone through but you can be strong you can rebuild you can be [Music] comforted find can lose a parent you can lose a good friend brother and you have to find the you have to find the strength to be able to pick yourself up and keep going because otherwise you could just sit down and die and just give up CLA isel's recent history is replete with stories of people who came out of the Holocaust with nothing with uh having lost a wife and and children having lost everything and uh and somehow they picked themselves up and they rebuilt their lives and rebuilt clausel in the process so uh okay the closenberg rebber is a classic example where he lost his wife and all his children and he came back with nothing nothing there was sitting shiva this girl comes and brings a uh a pair of socks and puts it down and family says what's this says I was in the DP Camp after the war and the rebba was there and he says BT my daughter you know B you're not wearing socks she said socks I don't have a piece of bread to eat when am we going to get socks the re sat down and took off his socks and gave them to me that I should wear socks I've kept them with me all these years he had nothing very socks in the DP camps um Mike Tres airport Europe and he sees a yid and he says uh can I may borrow youin so he says sure so he opens up his overcoat and he's just wearing an undershirt so the fellow said to him it's not the way you d you know in an undershirt says what can I do he said I went to the DP camps and I saw people there who didn't have shirts I gave them my shirts I gave away my talison filling that's why I don't have a Talis that's filling I gave away all my clothes I just saved the Overcoat because it was so cold I was afraid so I gave away my shoes he looks down he says he was wearing slippers he says I gave away whatever I had so uh so there are people who you know when in this terrible situation and they survived he lost his wife and all his children and his and everything and he started over again and he built natana and uh and cured sons and L hospital and many other things but there were so many yeshivas and Mos and schs that were started by people who came to America with nothing because you have no choice got to pick yourself up and you have to keep going and we have to live when we live with the pain and the pain is etched on us and uh it's in our souls we live with it every single day do you have to have a there comes a point where you have to stand up and say okay I have no choice I sat shiver for both my parents and there always that and my and and a brother and there's always that moment at the end of Shiva where they tell you get up and have people don't want to get up my father died I was still in my 30s uh the suit that I tore Creon I I couldn't get rid of it for years and years and years and years I kept it you know I couldn't let go and to be able to have a in order to be able to move on there's always going to be a hole in your heart uh whole in your soul but you have to find you have to go on you have to keep building and uh that's this time these are the weeks seven weeks of where we have to somehow find Comfort to be able to go on find comfort in your family find comfort in your friends find comfort in uh in your community if you don't have a community that gives you comfort then find another community that people have to be there for each other people have to have to care for each other be concerned my father died I was I think 38 and it was very rough for me was Too Young Too Young to lose my father and um so R fendel who was the founder and Dean of the Hebrew Academy of Nassar County where he convinced my father to send us and we were not shabas and um my whole family is from today and uh um there were over a 100 great grandchildren to my parents who are all being brought up in tan Mitzvah because you know R fromell and my father was nifter he called me every air of shabas just to tell me I'm thinking of you you're not alone so uh you have to find the wherever you can find it we have to be strong and so whether it's a personal tragedy like a good friend who went to sleep and just didn't wake up whether it's a communal tragedy where ervell is invaded and hundreds and hundreds of people are slaughtered and and raped and and burnt and and killed in the most horrific ways and kidnapped and and taken away whether it's people up north who have to leave their homes and and missile attacks are coming down and blowing up people you got to find a got to find the strength to keep going and that's what each and every one of us has to do in our lives everybody has trauma trauma and we have to take that trauma and say to ourselves we're going to pick ourselves up and keep going and uh and when you think you can't you think how will I ever sing again how will I ever dance how will I go from the funerals of my friends to my friend's wedding the next night how do you go from one to the next iend Del told me that uh this uh fellow Hank family he says the husband died and uh they left behind teenagers and younger children and um and as the months went by so the kids began talking they would laugh they would you know begin to live life and their mother was very angry at them how could you ever laugh again after you lost your father the the gor says after the Corbin people didn't want to eat meat because of the carbonos says what about wine you know we brought that also says okay you're right we won't drink wine so what about bread they brought the Manas okay we wanton to eat bread what about beor don't eat fruit just going to eat vegetables do so said what are we going to do and he says you have to remember the B mikdash at every you have to remember it at everything I just at a and there's that dramatic moment where the Rev puts the ases on the's head now and I break the glass my uh my nephew just had his uh his vert now and they break a plate the tan remember we always we always have to remember it it always has to be a part of our Lives when I had my heart attack and my bypass a couple of doctors there said you shouldn't have made it shouldn't have made it so when things go wrong now I said to my wife I said listen I'm still alive when people ask me how you doing I I I always say no I woke up this morning I'm living on overtime I should have died 10 years ago two of the major doctors there said you should not have survived every day is a gift every day I wake up and I would tell my wife I said look at least you know if nothing else at least you don't have to at every say I'm sure AB is here looking down from sh I'm sure he would have liked to have been here I'm right here isn't that the most depressing [Laughter] part I'm gonna stay and uh I remember when they were taking out my gallbladder I was in America I had this terrible gold bladder attack for like eight hours it was just terrible and uh hat Sola brings me to the hospital and there was a from gastro there and they bring in a surgeon they said we have to take out your G bladder and I said I can't I'm in the middle of a speaking to her I have to go speak so the non-jewish surgeon looked at him like this guy out of his mind but he knew who I was he says look you I can just give you something you know and you can go about but if you have an attack you just going to lie on the floor in an airport for like 8 hours and not be able to move I said right we'll do it fair and I'll I'll continue the trip he says yeah no problem he turns to my brother and says he's not going anywhere but when they went take out my gallbladder so they um the nurse comes in and says do you want to sign a DNR do not resuscitate they're trained to get you to do this because they want to take your organs there's a fascinating book if you can get your hands on it called the undead it was written by a a medical journalist who says he's an atheist but uh he does a history of brain death and he says no one ever used brain death as a basis to determine whether or not somebody was dead he says they came up with it because they had to figure a way to get your heart out of your body when you're not dead so they say yeah he's dead then they take can take your heart because we said you're dead even though it's always been whether your heart is is feeding and whether you're breathing those are the only standards ever been and there are instances of locked in syndrome which mimic a brain death which really aren't and all kinds of other he brings tremendous amount of evidence absolutely fascinating so he's he has a chapter there talking about how medical staff um work very hard to convince you to sign a DNR do not resuscitate so that they can take your organs you know so the nurse says you want to sign a do not resuscitate now I said no so she was surprised cuz usually you know they have their talking points because well you know some of the things we do might be very invasive I said be as invasive as you can I'm not going he says well you might end up just like living as a vegetable I said my goal is to live to become a burden to my children she didn't know what to say but I was prepared for the question you know so uh so um I'm sure I'll Stick Around to the point when you know I finally do go they'll go all right it was time it was one of the great tragedies where you reach a certain point and you know people asked me they say how do you explain the death of a young person I said that means you're okay with the death of an old person I said being an old person I'm not so happy with that I said I know people much older than me who feel even stronger better than I do you know but uh but do you have to find the you have to find the strength to go on so in these weeks now is the time we have to find we have to find a for our personal tragedies for's tragedies for the B mikdash for the mat that we're in and we will have Anem and that's it for this week if you want to find out more about the show you can go to my website row.com you can sponsor an episode episode and we need more sponsors you can sponsor a question and answer you can sponsor a uh parti five five you can uh sign up for one of our online shum you can uh um leave a comment ask a question listen to other shorum and read other articles uh listen to the theme song over and over and over and over again can download it make it the ringtone on your phone people do this which is pretty amazing shout out to Lenny Solomon the great yeah and that's it until uh next time I am DAV olowski and this has been the rabi olowski show it's the rabbi orlovski show Tor and simp ready to go the rabbi orlovski show knowledge and wisdom will help you wrow lots of fun in every episode and we don't have to rhyme no we don't it's the rabbi orlovski show on Rabbi ori. comom Tor anytime you and more it's Rabbi orlovski show Torah and S ready to go it's the rabbi orlovski show till next time till we meet again the rabbi orlov show it's the rabbi Orlowski show it's the rabbi Orlowski show