How To Have Self Confidence For A Bar Mitzvah Drosho

This is David Oamsky with our question and answers short series where we try to answer questions that our readers submit and hopefully you know in a short amount of time. Can you record a share about self-confidence for children who need to say their bar mitzvah dra? Jerry Seinfeld said once that they did a study and they found the number one fear in America is public speaking and the second biggest fear is dying which means if you're out of Leva you'd rather be in the box than the one giving the hespit [laughter] a lot of people who are terrified of public speaking we put kids through it we don't have to by that I mean they could prepare their dra and then you tell their friends to sing them down and that's K. You can sing down a bar mitzvah boy. You can sing down a chevraas. You can't sing down someone at their son's bris. All right. My friend Rabbi Frankle was having a bris in MTJ and he says Finstein is always very careful. You know, you have to say at the bris because we have to see whether you're capable of raising this kid or not. So if a kid is momish going to be in a panic over it, write him up a thing. Let him say the first two lines, let his friends sing them down and call it a day. Yeah, I really think so. Because I don't think that every 13-year-old boy needs to go through this. Yeah. But if they would like to, right, or if to you it's important, which is usually how we make decisions as parents. When when when you're cold, you put a sweater on the kid. [laughter] but if it's important to you. So, first of all, there are people who specialize in writing drawers and training kids. If there's one of those in your neighborhood, hire him and let him prepare the kid. Otherwise, I would present the boy with a number of topics and see if any of them tickle his fancy. To be clear, it does not although the mig is to speak about tillin, it doesn't have to be about. So for my first son's dasha, I did a whole thing on kohanim because he says usually we talk about fillin because a boy comes by mitin but I'm a kohim. So I start now kahan so I want to say a idea kahan. So learn through the sug with them make sure they understand it. Then have somebody write it up. And if a kid is nervous, as simple as possible, use simple words and simple sentences in large print and spaced well so it's very easy to see. Imagine a teleprompter so that it's very easy for a kid to be able to read it. Yeah. [snorts] And then Okay, I'm a speaker. You may not be a speaker, but get somebody who is good at this and read it through for the kid first so he sees what it's supposed to sound like. He has a little practice. Then have him practice. Let him read it to you. Let him read it to his mother. Let him read it to his brother. Let him read it to his friends. Let him practice reading it. If a person is nervous and doesn't want to say a whole involved, then keep it to a short devra with a bunch of thank yous. Somebody came to me recently and said, "My son likes listening to you and I'm working on his drusher and he says he wants it to be funny." So I helped him put together a drussa that had some jokes in it. It was a funny idea and bringing it across that was meaningful and he gave it over and he would felt great because that was what he was shooting for. He wanted to work the crowd a little bit and didn't want to just go over and say at the end of the day whatever he does say that was great. I mean unless he passes out in the middle you know what I mean or he suddenly throws up you know or um or he just throws down the papers and bursts into tears and says I can't I can't you know. Okay, then he's smart enough to know that he didn't do such a good job. But if you rehearse with him enough and like I say, if you have any question, I learned by bar mitzvah haft tora from a tape in a conservative synagogue. I did not have anyone teach me the trap for my uh I had one of my NCS wireers who lanes come in and teach me the trump of how to lane the ha and I practiced the ha tora. did this all while running NCSY and putting together Shabbaton and planning the wedding, a hundred things. And uh this was the first time since my bar mitzvah that I was going to actually read the haft to Torah. And just before they called me up, I went over to the rabbi and I pointed to somewhere in the middle of the haftura and I said, "Give out the candy bags at this pik cuz I don't know it so well." [laughter] and he said, "No problem." And so I'm lying. I was doing pretty good at the beginning and then of course they start giving out the candy bags and it becomes a whole banana and I'm I get through those few different ones and then I end with a big, you know, a big flourish. [laughter] So you got to you got to know, you know, if you can, you can. If you can't, you can't. And don't drive anybody crazy. There's an old old joke. There was a guy in New York and he asked someone, "How do I get to Carnegie Hall?" and he says, "Practice, practice, practice." [laughter] And it's the same thing with this. Practice, practice, practice. And then let him do it. And you know, make sure he doesn't walk over the best lines. Make sure that the sentences and the words are things that he understands. And like I say, if you have any doubt, just turn to his friends and go, "Okay, hit it, boys." [laughter] And then he can put up his hands in helplessness, say, "What could I who they won't stop singing. [laughter] Mazletov should go well.