Episode 3: When Nobody Cares

[Music] hi this is Deborah Orlowski welcome to episode 3 of my new and exciting podcast well I want to first do a little bit of business some people have said I was interesting I got some emails people said where's episode 2 episode 2 went up on Thursday just like I said it's gonna go up on every Thursday episode two went up and I told them you should subscribe now if you watch this on youtube there's a little button to subscribe on youtube if you go to my website there's a place to subscribe on my website if you watch this on tour anytime you can ask for an alert anytime a new speaker a particular speaker that you're following puts it on so from all these different places etc well we're over 3,000 which is pretty good it's just start like I say we have just a little less than 7,000 to go to reach my first goal and that's really exciting those people are interested in sponsorships we are working on that to be able to get that going and we want to make sure that everybody has that opportunity to participate in this project because like I say this is really me trying to reach out to all of the people who for whatever reason want to hear from me yeah and like I say we have our regular seorim and under settings of bits of business I have a trip to the United States coming up and I just want to tell you about those upcoming events just so you know about them and that is the Shabbos of November 2nd and 3rd oh yeah my producers we have what are you a visual yeah the sharpest of a second the third one would have been as you of Houston does you who happen to be in Texas or nearby certainly welcome to come Monday night I'm gonna be speaking in Scottsdale Arizona and we'd love to see you there if possible November 6th I'm going to be speaking in Flatbush 11:02 Coney Island Avenue for sister to sister right now Wednesday and Thursday are still available if you're interested in having me come and speak the sharpest of the ninth I'm doing a Shabbos in the Syrian community and Flatbush Sunday November 11th I'll be speaking in the five towns for Kazak Monday is still open and Wednesday know Tuesday I'll be speaking for Kazakh Nezzer Academy and Forest Hills Wednesday night I'll be speaking in Staten Island and and and that's it the next job is said at this point is still available the 15th and the 16th so I'm gonna be going for a while being America if anybody wants to see me live it's just like it's just like this only I'm bigger I meet people they say I watched you on the Internet and I say well you know I'm I'm I'm taller in real life and they said no no I have a big screen I'm actually small in real life I tried to follow your comments and suggestions we're still working on a title the producer has not decided yet which which title we're gonna go with but somebody suggested then not only should I be sitting in front of farm but I should also have an armchair so now I have an armchair that I'm sitting in and you know that was that's gonna be paid for by contributions so you know if I maybe I'll get a taller one you know what we're doing this and you know who knows what the possibilities are endless with this appoint somebody wrote in now most people have not said this one person said this and I'm just throwing it out there you know they said you know when I listen to you a regular shooter I'm you're really very funny because you have a live audience but now you don't have a live audience so I don't think your Yuma works so there's nothing I can do because I only come up one flavor and if you don't like it there's not much I can do but he suggested bringing in an audience and that's gonna be a little hard because this is my living and it could be if we get enough sponsorships then I'll be able to move either to a studio or buy myself a much larger house and I'm prepared to do either one for you because that's how I care about you okay so all right that's all of our business let's get down this is Pasha's vera and what should we talk about I was looking this over there's so many great things to talk about so many themes yeah there is say I was passive there's one that I want to focus on that I think is really interesting and that's a contrast from last week to this week I actually gave a shirt on this once but but the contrast of the two stories are I think I think definitely worth a study last week Abraham goes down with Sarah to Egypt and he says to her do me a favor and say that you're my sister because otherwise they'll kill me and they'll take you and that's not gonna work out well for everybody you know to trust me here so she says I'm your sister so pyro takes her right um with with ill intent yeah and what was the result the result was that he got struck with plagues which is what Pyro's do best yeah and so pyro cause and I've Roman says why did you lie to me why did you say she's my sister what kind of a person does things like this I almost did look at the sufferings we went through because you nothing the safety stuff huh fine go and I from goes and this week he comes to Ivy Mellon and I'm your mellitus a little bit of a different story he shows up there and he says she's my sister and he takes him I didn't do anything yeah and I coach burrow hole comes to him in a dream and says though you're gonna die cuz you took this married woman he says what do you want from me I asked him he said she's my sister I asked though his workers and his camel drivers I said who's this were that his sister I checked around well what can I do yeah I I did I did the best that I could right so couch broker says fine give him back his Navi hold of a few your guys will get better and fine and he brings an over on and it's sort of the same scene and he says how could you do this what a terrible thing to do we almost got killed because to you what a terrible thing how could you do something this an album says nothing and now if you're Melek follows through with another sentence and he says what did you see and us that made you do this now Avram answers and he says I tell you the truth I came to town and somebody comes to town and they're the strangers so what do you ask them do you have a place to stay you know who can I get you anything do you need food do you need do you need a place to stay how can we accommodate you I come to town they say who's the girl I said oh boy yeah this is a place where if the first question they ask you they don't ask y'all escape he'll arrest iya they ask you is ke sh ty open parenthesis yeah there were some people in the town of Beit R which is a community outside of you shall I'm and they have Mehadrin buses and evidently people were coming for Shabbos and they didn't know they were my hundred busses that was sitting with their with their wives and so one Shabbos the community felt they needed to say something and they put a big posters and they wrote to all of the people visiting us for Shabbos you please note that our buses are my hydrant buses and please don't worry sit with your wife on the buses yeah that's the that's the post if they put up through poor planning it was Pasha's viagra so somebody wrote at the bottom poster a stranger comes to town do you ask him about food and lodging or do you ask her about his wife you understand timing is everything I think it's really important you have to you have to be careful yeah I might tell the story again when we get the ball host it's price is below sky and there was a yeshiva here Anoosh light years ago yes this is an old story you'll see how old the story is yeah and the guys were sitting one day and they said they used to like going to this restaurant in the Lower East Side called smokin Bernstein's he had deli he had Chinese and everybody was talking about what their favorite thing is and finally one guy said enough if you were there right now what would you order and he writes down everybody's order and he says would you buy this if you were there right now the guy says yes would you pay $20 for a delivery charge says yes so he collects $20 from the 50-buck remembers to $1,000 and he buys a ticket and they choose one guy and his instructions are to go directly to New York take a cab this rookie Bernstein's put in the order fill it up pack up his suitcases come back to the airport and bring it back and they ate like you can't believe and through poor planning it was parshas bollocky we remember the buses are finalized as the documents are positive the meat that we ate Felina manhoods Lawrence because I know about this and then he stops and he goes is it true so point of reference if you're going to send somebody to America to bring you back lots of meat don't do it I'm fighters by Alaska and if you're gonna make a comment about somebody's wife don't do it I'm Pasha's for you right okay so he says so I was a little nervous and he says and you should know I didn't lie she goes she is my sister she's my half-sister she's not my complete sister you know fine that's the answer he gives up he Miller how come he answered avi Melanie didn't answer Pyrrha so obviously you see that every mother was asking but it was more than that I was more than that I have taught for years in a rabbinical training program and the area that I deal with is essentially Jewish outreach I have some experience during my year Jewish outreach and one of the courses that I given to the parts of the course is how to answer basic questions on Judaism now we make a list I have everybody submit their list of questions and we collate them into sections and and I I add some of my own that I think they need to know how to answer it's that's right we we deal with with but we go through the basic questions in Judaism but I start by explaining how to answer questions there's a there's a way to answer someone's question the first thing you have to know is to figure out whether it's a question or a statement and people and I've seen this many times people feel obligated to answer a statement don't answer a statement only answer questions I got an email recently where somebody said to me I found myself in this situation and I remember every illowsky said this and this is the you know and I always give them this advice when a person says to you I think Judaism is is unfair to women that's not a question that's a statement when a person says I don't think Judaism is relevant today yeah that is a statement here is one of my favorites and one of my favorites I've heard this I read this people do nothing anybody says can it's impossible to prove there's a god and nothing anybody says is gonna convince me there's a god go ahead do you know I saw people take the bait did you hear the man the man just said nothing you say is going to convince me there's a god go ahead but it doesn't matter what you say cuz at the end the person's gonna go I'm not convinced of course he's not convinced because he already told you he's not gonna be convinced there was a reformed rabbi who once wrote a whole book on how nobody can prove the existence of God and somebody sent me a copy of the article not the book but the article about the book and said why don't you write to him and explain to him I said the man just wrote out and tie a book about nobody's gonna prove them there's a God you think I'm gonna say something to him and he's go oh I guess there's I guess I was wrong let me let me bring back all the copies of my book you want a book about it I used to say there's three types of people ask questions right there are people whose entire life is dedicated to a question and there is nothing you're going to say that is going to answer them because that's their whole existence the whole existence is wrapped up in this question and it's amazing now I've met people who you know I'll give an answer on something they'll say well that's rather simplistic and I said okay what's your objection to it I can't I can't even begin to explain I can't begin to explain because it's so complicated I said try um you know I was pretty smart you know people people who said I'm pretty smart never try me trying to listen to your arguments my own I can't I can't even begin her course I can't begin to explain it to you because if you answer my question you have removed my entire existence my entire existence is only on a question I don't like to quote secular sources but the Princess Bride there is this character and Tia Montoya and his his byline was you killed my father prepared to die his entire life was dedicated to fighting his father's murderer that was it for revenge eventually he finds him and he kills him so at the very end so the hero system what are you gonna do now and he says I've dedicated my entire life to revenge it doesn't leave you many options that's it my whole life was spent on there's one thing finest guy and killing him now what do i do what do i do now yeah and and this is an amazing thing because you find this all the time you know this this is something that bears another discussion we will talk about this a different time but it's just I'm bringing this as a is it sort of a throwaway idea just to show you this you know I know all the singles who are read a guy and they say this guy's not for me on any level sometimes even go with the guy and they say ah terrible I mean that way and their sister marries and they're so angry why should my sister look who's my sister got married because but you didn't want this guy listened for you you know it was a view doesn't matter well you see sometimes people get divorced now very often when somebody divorces somebody it's because they don't like them often they don't like them a lot yeah and then at some point their ex gets remarried and they're furious why should he be happy what do you care we got rid of him you don't want him you threw him out I forgot what's card game it is what is it maybe it's rummy you know you know you you tried it you're collecting like you're trying to get fours you know I mean you throw out of for spring and somebody takes it you throw out the next card somebody takes it you get so angry but you didn't need those cards weren't helping you you threw them away what do you give somebody else took it you know but that's it so somehow we remain so invested and so wrapped up in things that from our past yeah but like I say that's a whole nother discussion there's a lot more to say about that but be that as it may yeah when a when a person when a when a person is entire life is dedicated to a question then there are people who are seriously interested in getting an answer to a question they'll read a book they'll go to a course they'll listen to a series of serum they're really interested in this question and they will pursue it the remaining uh ninety-eight percent of people ask questions and concur Elizabeth the answer and tell me if this has ever happened to you because it happened to me and I did have another people somebody asks you a question and they they say it with a lot of passion and it happens to be a question you actually know the answer to and you still like giving them the answer and they get this sort of like bored look on their face you know and it sometimes even say stop lecturing me and you're surprised because you asked me the question that's cuz you thought they cared don't care about the question most people even cared about the question I to work in and you she was where the least haven't asked the rabbi session they stopped now it's stumped the rabbi posing questions that would cross a rabbis eyes yeah yeah yeah yeah I don't want the answer I just want a question and people ask questions I don't care about the answers it's a it's an amazing thing you find this in the Gemara many time that's a Dookie or somebody like that asks a question and if I come give an answer and the Gemara says okay what's the real answer it's a decoy that's a you're not get off it doesn't really answer the question I was I was in a car with Rebecca I was driving with my shop hero and somebody was the car wanted to wanted reminder to appreciate who I was it's always a bad idea but appreciate him so he tells over one of my little exchanges yeah where this girl asks me do you allow women to learn Kabara I said no by the way it may sound like a question but that's really a statement if you listen to it do you allow women to learn what I said I don't allow it disallow anything for those you were just listening I'm smiling broadly because does it bother you when women learn Gemara you see now I can get into you emotional makeup I said no it doesn't bother me but most things don't bother me so now she says if a girl would ask you should she learned Gemara what would you tell oh that's a question and I said to her quite honestly what do you care you obviously think girls should learn gamar right she says right I said so why you asking me thanks one of he would you want to say no you wanna argue with me perhaps why with me perhaps you want to use me to bring your view across this was in a public setting but you don't care what I have to say because if you can't where I had to say then you'd come over and ask me a question yeah so no no I'm sure those people who want to end fine I said the Gemara says for a girl to learn Gomorrah it's tipless so uh nowhere however you understand Tiflis it's not a good thing nobody suggests this is a good thing could translate it any way you want so she says to me what the Gemara was talking about a different time it was different things and most different people and then it doesn't apply today I said so when the Gemara talks it doesn't understand women right it's not modern right then what do you want to learn it for now that more or less answers you know basically settled the discussion now without without going into the pros and cons of my answer on my discussion it does really matter I've been criticized for this from time to time but you know I don't really care but but it's the the idea is is is a clever observation that's all I just want to be clever because you know there's an answer the question it doesn't really answer the question yeah so this fellow says it over to a buyer in my name I'm sitting there keeping my eyes on the road so it might returns and he says I tell you dashes O'Berry methods you understand that's not the real answer and I said yes I did it was a deeply yeah when a person when a person is just asking so then yeah you know circumcision is barbaric I said no it's not but barons don't do it you know how many times that answer has stood by the way that's not the answer it pushes it off you know and it's always in you Shiva guy who says oh I wrote in National Geographic about this tribe in Africa that doesn't scale you found the boy who does it you know is that the point you knows then because that's that the real answer obviously when you're trying to understand Bruce Miller it does really make it difference where the barbarians do it or not yeah but when a purse is not really interested so when a person when a person poses a question yeah so most people don't even care about the question forget about the answer I I it's it's mind boggling but boggling yeah mind boggling speak English I've been living in Israel now for 30 years I haven't gained any Hebrew but I've been forgetting my English but it's mind mind confusing that that that a person will ask a question do you really think Judaism is relevant today yes really yes thought it wasn't no it is huh how come Jesus is so unfair to women it's not it's not no I thought it was nope okay none of that answers the questions but if you don't care about the question can you prove there's a god yes really yeah I thought you can yeah I can you want to hear it no it's just enough to know there isn't as I don't have to know what the answer is you know cuz I don't care that much about the question it's a famous story from it's a life where he goes down to the Shimon vulajin to find a husband for his daughter and he asks Akasha and everybody comes over and tries to give it there it's Anish lugs the mola and there was nobody there okay he gets in his carriage too right away and one buckle runs after and he says you have a tear it's because no forget about your daughter what's the answer he says that's who I want for my daughter I'd often know the answer but I have to care about the answer I have to care most people don't care because most people do what most people do cuz that's what most people do and this is one of my your siteís and I say it over all the time and it remains true most people do what most people do because that's what most people do and I'm not arguing the pros and cons of whether or not what they're doing is right or wrong with Ruderman that's our Shiva Nashville tells the story that when he was in Europe during World War one he saved up his money penny by penny to buy himself appeared census now I don't know if he's what puzzle he didn't have does he just wander I don't know any of the details this is how I heard the story I'm telling it all and he went to show it to his Rebbe the out of Slovakia and he says look Rebbe I bought a new purchase the out that looks at it he says maybe you should have given the money it's Tucker that's one people so when Ruderman tells over this story in America everyone starts nodding sure nein nein nein you missed the point of the story if I would have said to him Rebbe I saved up my money I gave it to Stuckey he would have said to me maybe you should have bought a pair of titties because are you thinking are you just doing what everybody does yeah when I used to teach in seminary I messed up many many girls so like they'd go out on a date and the boy says I went along learn long term and the girl would say why and the guy would get all flustered because because everybody learns that's what you do because everyone does what everyone does I had a student she was getting married and she went to a well-known shape tomorrow now this story's years old and I don't know if it's still true but this is the my cesarean went to a well-known showed them our shirts giving you the sheitel and she starts pulling out some of her bangs in the front and the girl says don't know I wanted all covered says number this other word today says I'm Stan but I wanted all covered and she started to yell at her should I tell you which rabbit since we're like this should I tell you Russia she was right weird like this you're firmer than everybody just do what everybody does cuz that's what everybody does why are you stopping to think there's a scary thing well they talked about this morning this isn't one of my one of my favorite topics to talk about but most people who ask questions they don't really care about the answers yeah so when a person asked me a question that's a statement that's a statement I say oh oh it's the most neutral answer I could come up with I don't think Judaism is relevant today oh I think Judaism in event oh I think all these rabbis are there oh and that's fine because most people don't care about what you have to say it's an absolute amazing thing when I was younger I used to think that everybody want to see what I have to say the older I get I realized that there are so few people really care what you have to say you know and and sometimes people will ask you a direct question and it's clear that they don't care what you have to say girl he asked me the following question and I'm not getting into the answer I want you to understand the question just listen to the question this girl said to me I love playing basketball and I only get my fulfillment from playing basketball I can't play with the girls because girls don't know how to play basketball yeah whether this is true or not whether this is a sexist or not I really don't care I'm telling you a story all right keep all the angry emails save them for something else that way I'll say enough controversial thing anyway so she says you know I I was I can't play with girls so I played with the boys you know but Jewish boys can't play fast believe it yeah they're not a play base believe it Jackie Mason once said he says affirmative action says if a black can get into college with a lower SAT score then a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net regular deck and then Israel's children that the Jew could walk over and drop the ball the boys can't the Jewish kids the Jewish boys can't play baseball so I would go down to the schoolyard and I would play you know with the blacks and Puerto Ricans were playing you know basketball and they were very good and they let me play cuz I was so good anyway I came to seminary and I mentioned this to one of my rabbis I'm one of my rabbi says you can't play with you know nine Jewish boys it's not sneeze I can't do it she said but that's the only way I find my fulfillment this is awful peeking you can't do it so it's another rabbi he also told me I can't do it but that's the only way I found my fulfillment so she says to me so what should I do and I said it's a very hard question now I have to have to research it have to look into it and she would come over to me periodically throughout the year and she'd say did you find an answer yet and I said no not yet and finally somebody overheard this conversation and said what's the question I told the question goes why is that a hard question I said because she can't hear the answer the hardest questions to answer are the ones that you can't answer I'm gonna tell you my said Shia I have a dear friend who is the rub of the agood of the five tabs yeah I refuse Franco Selita and he's a much more information and mr. Feinstein and evidently somebody printed this he told me this story I I hope it was for publication if not I apologize but it's just between us it's only a few thousand people and and somebody had printed a speech there with my friend Stan gave to the seria goodness Israel about how you're not allowed to go to college so he says that's ridiculous we all went to college so I went through a dove and I said look what they put out the name of my show uses Yammer my should make the speech he says he was against college it says yeah he says but we all went to college he says never looked at me and said Frankel and if we would have told you not to go would you have listened pyro asked the question but didn't want an answer and I'm from understood that so shook his head said oh he left have you ever faced a question it was angry I didn't answer and then he says help me understand what you were thinking oh you really want an answer then answer there are people who ask us questions and sometimes the questions are not really a question there are confrontation and what we need to do is just recognize it for what it is and if you're being challenged it's the best thing to either say is nothing or Oh have a great Chaves everybody I hope to see in America and if anybody wants me for those available dates you can contact me for my website where real house key calm and hope to see that [Music] you [Music]