Eisav: Face Value (Ep. 188)

hi this is David olowski and welcome to another exciting adventure of the rubber olowski show watching with their friends over a tourney time wherever you watch or listen to your podcast it is always wonderful to have you along for this adventure and we have a sponsor uh this episode who's sponsoring again because obviously I have a very loyal uh audience out there and they know that I recommend something that it's very worthwhile and uh and so they're advertising again and I and I will welcome them back and uh here's the here's the pitch all right let's see you get this have you ever dreamed of owning a luxury apartment in the heart of you shall I am one with views of our bias and a million dollar value yes this is the short answer by entering the fifth annual dream raffle dream dream [Music] dreamed brought to you hi I'm yes well I'm Israel I'm yes I I'm I haven't had a chance to sing on the podcast in a very long time so I'm so happy for this sponsor that dream can become a reality sometimes dreams do come true yep but hurry time is running out the raffle ends on December 31st tick tick tick tick tick that's a tick by the way enter now at thedreamraffle.com t-h-e-d-r-e-a-m raffle.com to take advantage of a special two ticket for one deal and be sure to use the discount code oralovsky o r l o f s k y a lot of people put in a V that is a mistake because uh when my family came to Ellis Island uh their name in uh Europe was orlevsky Olive but Americans can't do that V for some reason that's why you have the name rifky there is no F in rifky but Americans have trouble going into a river key later rifky so oralevsky turns into orlowsky has nothing to do with the word laugh or laugh ski anyway uh so use the discount code oralovsky o-r-l-o-f-s-k-y I always point out that I'm such an unov that I put an Fs in my name so people know at checkout for an additional 10 off for your chance to win go to thedreamraffle.com that's the dream raffle for your chance to win the usual I'm apartment of your dreams overlooking Our advice you can always find the davening yeah it's always been young I'm going on over there okay um we are getting into the weeks of the ovos and like I say I'm not always sure when uh every episode is coming out and also it's not like we're doing this live so people are watching whenever I've mentioned this in the past that all of a sudden somebody will discover the Robert golowski show and binge watch or listen to hundreds of hours until their brain explodes because there's only so much of this you can take trust me I'm living in my head every single day it is unbearable so all of a sudden you're listening to a Hanukkah one or circus one or pesachawan and yeah yeah you know I try to keep the messages as universal as possible so whenever you're listening in so I try to go thematically uh in order to cover different ideas but it is the weeks of the ofos and I do like to try to do some of those um podcasts some ideas that are eternal and as the ramban says his principle in voracious myself anything that happens in gracious is a harbinger of things to come or as the inhibitable uh Ari Khan likes to say Jewish history is Jewish Destiny he always had a turn of a phrase there so um uh so whatever we're saying of course is always foundational as our lives of Jews we are avram yitzuk and yaakov we have midos that are um embedded in our spiritual DNA from our music so we need to understand so I want to go to one of the most famous stories in the Torah and that is of course the first interaction that the Torah speaks out between jacoven now there is one that is sort of alluded to Via rotates right the the boys were fighting in the womb yeah and uh apparently they did not want to be wombmates and so uh they were fighting over there already that that that eternal battle between Jacob and ASA was already starting and um uh but the first interaction when they come out I guess you could say when they were born Jacob was holding on to Asus heel but I'm talking about with his actual dialogue you know not just heel grabbing you know so here's the story it's in voracious hey Tess nazid yaakov is making uh stew soup the UFO Ace of Minnesota Life and Ace of comes in from the field and he is tired but you're my Ace of el yaakov halitani no I mean poured down my throat some of this red red stuff because I am exhausted alkane korashimo edoim therefore he is called Adam because he said give me from this red red stuff sell me your Birthright oh that seems like a really bizarre Exchange I'm really hungry can I have some soup sell me your Birthright okay really if nothing else just the concept that the bakura gets a double portion I thought that means of the eurusha ASA was supposed to get two-thirds and yaakov III and uh you just give that up just like that for some soup it seems kind of strange yeah so Rashi explains this red red says Rashi adumas they are red lentils obviously because there's green lentils as well but oh so I Yom maze avraham and avraham died and Jacob was cooking lentils La Havre is Esso to bring the sudas to the mourner the first meal the sudhasavra is supposed to be brought to you you're not supposed to prepare it yourself why was he cooking lentils should domos legal GAO because they're round shall availas because there's a life cycle people are born people die people are born furthermore I've owed him because the mourner is not supposed to speak up from that's why our minute is to feed the mourner eggs because they're round and they don't have an opening okay it says like this what is the red red thing he was making they were lentils red lentils why was he cooking him lentils because lentils around and lentils don't have an opening and that's why we eat eggs he was cooking lentils that's why it was red because lentils around and lentils don't have an opening and that's why we eat eggs so one could beg the question then why don't we eat lentils I asked this question once and someone said because we don't like lentils okay I think it's a choice kind of a thing you know I'd say the truth um I'm not a big fan of hard-boiled eggs full just full disclosure you know Tish above is a rough time for me I'm not crazy about hard-boiled eggs and certainly in ashes I don't find that it adds that much to the experience yeah so uh uh even you know I can get through the white but the yolk is particularly difficult and so on Tish above I have to get my way through an egg and also at the Seder because you know it's a minute to eat an egg at the cedar and by the way the first night of pesach is always the same night of the week as uh tishov there's a connection so uh a lot of people just take the egg and dip it in the salt water my father would take a little bowl and take his egg and add the salt water to it along with the onion from the karapas because we use onion for karpas and he'd make this little soup and he would eat it if I go to heaven it'll probably be because of that you know but uh okay good good ball of lentil soup I think I could go for that I give it a choice between that and a hard-boiled egg what's more intriguing is the fact that we know that the Roman Empire which is the heir to asev uh was named after the kingdom of Edom and the descendants of asev are called Edom because he said could I have some of the red soup I guess we had hard-boiled eggs he would be called loving what would be a problem because someone already had that name yeah so uh what's the significance here and if he was making I don't know butternut squash he'd be called katom and if he was making broccoli soup because you're broke I mean what's the significance here I understand if you want to say uh Adam is appropriate for Acer because when he came out it says he was Ruddy and it's a Simmon to the Dom his shriek has done him but uh because he said give me the red soup that's what we call him red so I've spoken about this idea I don't know if I've spoken about it on this Rashi which to me is the makora for this idea but I think it is so incredibly important for us to understand what's going on today to get a perspective and you know I like to be current I like to try to look at the world around us and make it meaningful relevant supposed to be relevant to our lives yeah it was the Marx Brothers movie where uh uh Chico was on the witness stand and the guy was asking him a question he goes now I ask you a question what's a big ass a bigger long nose eats peanuts in the circus he goes your honor that's irrelevant that's right irrelevant but the search for relevance I've always mentioned this that the bane of today is that kids don't feel that what we're learning has relevance to their lives it's a big problem we have to make it meaningful that's why when I head on uh Dan Roth to speak about Torah live that's all cosmetor alive is to use animation and and the same tools of entertainment yeah for people to watch and these kids kids today love to watch these cartoons and these videos and to find one that's basically teaching uh total values right make it meaningful to their lives real life examples that's very important Asif comes in from the field and he sees yaakov cooking making a stew now um I grew up I was taught how to cook there were six Boys in my family there were no gender appropriate jobs so uh evidently uh I was gender fluid and I became the girl and I had to do the cooking and the shopping and the cleaning and the those kind of things because I really didn't have a head for business my brothers all went into the store with my father to help and he said after a few times that I came into the store he says stay home and help your mother instead you know so I I was more of that my son's cook my daughter's married boys who know how to cook with but there are the old um the old Trope of you know the husband not knowing how to cook and not knowing what to do in the kitchen those kind of things okay but asaph knows that jankov doesn't do the cooking in the house his mother Rifka does now asev was just as smart as yaakov that's why his head was to be buried in Marissa Mark Palin and uh he should have come home and seen yaakov cooking and think to himself gee there's something you don't see every day why is yaakov cooking and then he would have looked into the pot and they would have seen I don't know what's cooking there but it's red what's red it could be Tomatoes but they haven't been discovered yet um well uh lentils now why would Jacob be cooking lentils well lentils around and lentils don't have an opening oh my goodness it must be as soon as her bruh Zeta must have died I have to quickly go and make a uh to my father Yitzhak now Ace of was perfectly capable of coming to this conclusion it's not a very complicated conclusion instead he looked at the stew and he said hmm red looks good smells good probably tastes good I'll have some and he says give me some of this red stuff yako says he knows I don't cook he should be able to figure out what's in this pot could it be that he is so focused on externality that he doesn't care about anything beneath the surface so he says okay and ASA was like come again I just just want some soup there he says well when we talk about bukhari we're not talking about the money we're not arguing about the money but think about becoming the coin guadal and in fact Asif would put on the big Garden of other mauritian when he would go to serve his father the medrish says that those with the big day Kahuna you might be coming you know when you're going to the coach of those room they tie a rope around you in case you do something wrong and you drop dead they can just pull you out without having to go in there next you want this this is what you want you want to be a coin cuddle no no I I don't want to be a Congo they gave it to me you want to eat you want to drink you want to enjoy all the things that life has to offer I mean heims beloveds was in Europe he says I could never figure out Ace of what a dummy imagine Trading a piece of brown bread and a turnip on Eastern Europe they mostly had roots that's why you're supposed to use a green vegetable for karpas to uh remember Aviv and a lot of people use potatoes why because that's all they had my father they used an onion because that's all they had they had roots they would eat bushed beets they would drink vodka made out of potatoes that's all they had were Roots the Earth was frozen most of the year you couldn't plant anything so uh uh he said I can't believe you'd give up he says and then I went to America and I saw Ace of wasn't so stupid after all he saw what what what oila mahasa can offer you all the delightful Pleasures that exist and so he says to ASAP you don't want to be a coin god though you don't want this avoda I'll take it off your hands I'll give you some of this red stuff he's like red stuff sounds good okay that's the exchange the maharrao and near mitzvah which discusses Hanukkah that's really his introduction to the dollar gallius the dalud maugios that the Jewish people have to face he says are built into creation is Adam the dollar maorios each one of them posed a particular challenge to us that we had to face and it's alluded to in the four different types of animals that abramovino brings by the by the Brisbane of sarum it pops up in a lot of different places he goes through this a little bit in any event the concept of these four molecules um as I mentioned permeate history and we have to face those challenges and so we got through the first three relatively relatively in a short amount of time but yavan which is the Deep Waters that's the veneer of culture that Greece gave to Rome the Roman Empire Rome didn't have any culture whatever they had was Greek they stole from the Greeks the pantheon of gods were just the Greek pantheon of gods changed into Roman so cupid became Eros and Athena became Venus and Zeus became Jupiter you know and uh they they took each one of the different aspects and just just made it Roman but they didn't have any of their own culture they didn't care about culture they only cared about power power it's almost 2 000 years wearing colors and um we're not doing so good because it's very hard to get sick of power the first baseman who destroyed why because of a photozargulate relationship has dummy they represented those of areas there's only so much of that that you can handle before you get sick of it but power second base was destroyed because of sinus Kingdom slash and horror what's that about it's all about power why am I angry at you because of what you did to me that's why I hate you know I talk about you because I'm jealous about you because you infringe on me so we're not doing so good on that throughout history the Jewish people have had better times have had worse times and in gala's Edom it has to do with how well we stand up to these challenges of being able to see beyond adoma adoma and to see what's inside of the pot that's why Rashi says because lentils are round and don't have an opening and I don't care if they're lentils or if they're eggs that's not the point it doesn't matter what you're eating I remember hearing from the guy who used to bring her Byron Feldman his breakfast when he was in our Samir and he always said the same thing every morning he would have a hard-boiled egg and they would have uh bread whatever it was that he ate so one day I don't know what the occasion was but besides the hard-boiled eggs they had this sort of like Spanish omelette so he comes to him and he says um you know rebby they have two different types of eggs today which would you prefer the other one he says I don't care he says no because it's more like a scrambled egg than a hard-boiled egg he says I don't care he said but they made it more like a sort of like an omelet there's like you know vegetables in it goes listen it all ends up in the same place it doesn't really make a difference I eat an egg because the gazals say that a person who's learning should eat meat every morning there's a number that says that eggs are like meat that's why I have an egg but how they prepare it is unimportant to me because I'm eating the egg that's that's the idea what are you eating and why so is that a question of you like eggs you like lentils that's irrelevant we're looking for something that's around that doesn't have an opening who cares what it is maybe it was just easier to get their hands on eggs I don't know but from that point of view that makes no difference because we're looking to be beneath the surface not just how does it look and how does it smell and how does it taste it's not just you know these kids would come home and they're like I'm hungry what do you want to eat they used to be this thing called crackerjacks I'm sure it's still around CrackerJax uh has uh it's candy coated popcorn and peanuts and they used to mix it together in a box and it would come with a little prize and uh I remember the jingle from the 1960s what do you want when you gotta eat something and it's gotta be sweet and It's gotta be a lot and you gotta have it now candy coated popcorn peanuts and a prize that's what you get in Cracker Jack yeah so it's got to be sweet it's got to be a lot and I gotta have it now that's what it's all about we want it sweet we want a lot so we focus on externalities so when I was running NCAA Long Island I would tell people I had a really successful shop of tone and they said really how many people were there because that defines success he's a successful uh doctors successful businessman he's successful whatever really how much does he make you know I have really nice sugar for you oh yeah what do they look like it's all external that's all we see are externalities there's an entire area of psychology I think we've spoken about this called industrial psychology where they spend their time figuring out how to package something that you'll go out and buy it so you'll look at it and think oh wow I need that when they have these cooking contests so there's always points given for presentation because how it looks is almost as important as how it tastes and we expect things to look because we focus on the externality that's why Pepsi came out with something called Pepsi clear tasted exactly Pepsi only looked like water The Taste was actually the same nobody wanted it didn't look right um they came out at one point with like blue ketchup and green ketchup purple ketchup nobody wanted it ketchup's supposed to be red we we have a we have a sense of how things are supposed to look we don't like it when you mess around with us we judge things on by how they look we talked about this in our sugar series does he wear a black yarmulk or a kipa Suga so you could say that they're asking each one of those things represent a particular for what is Hash kafa but very often they don't care as long as he's wearing a black yamaka I don't really care what he believes there are people who are no more from than you scarecrow but they are something you don't have a black hat now poof you are from when I was in Derek if you came the first year wearing a hat you could wear your hat if you didn't very Lazarus would not allow you to put on a hat your first year it's too easy it's too easy to do something external that's how we Define from kite we Define from God by how you look that was on the inside I was going on underneath the surface that is the gullus that we're in and for us to be able to free ourselves from this is so difficult we are so external and so we define success by how does it look how does it taste uh how much does it cost person will come back and say oh I was that place for Shabbos they had a 200 bottle of wine I don't know is does that automatically make it a bit about a one I don't know Maybe um Johnny Walker has several different varieties the lowest variety is Johnny Walker red then you move up to Johnny Walker Black and then there's green and and uh gold each one of them has for the one is higher than the other is is a discussion people have tried to have with me and I'm really I couldn't tell but but the the highest level is Johnny Walker Blue very expensive so but it's Johnny Walker Blue you know so one year I used to go to my Shapiro for Purim and I came back and the duty-free I bought bottled Johnny Walker play when I bring it in it was like oh you know and it comes in like a casket you know to open it up and you take it out and it's like wow you know and they peel everybody like hi everybody drinks everybody she goes I don't get it everyone else because me either it was I didn't find it to be something exceptional it wasn't anything exceptional so this uh balasimha had a bottle of blue label right now do you just fill it up with red Nobody Knows the difference yeah and then before you go oh Johnny Walker Blue [Laughter] I said did you fool everybody everyone except the rub he said what's this [Laughter] but most people think oh Johnny Walker Blue let's be good because it's the most expensive one because that's how we judge things based on externality I heard this story I don't know if it's true I don't check it out I'm not basic Crone yeah but there's an expensive type of fish called sea bass happens to be very good I was told I know this is true I didn't check it out that it was a cheap cut of fish and all the fish mongers got together and decided we're going to raise the price double the price of of sea bass and so everybody decided it must be harsh enough they're charging so much money yeah there's a cut of meat every time which one it was that the similar thing you know they it was always a cheap cut of meat and suddenly everybody decided it's an expensive cut of meat and now they charge a fortune for it and everybody pays it for sale must be must be good if it costs so much money that's how that's how we go I go to restaurant that's crowded Yogi Berra was speaking about a particular restaurant he goes it's so crowded nobody goes there anymore yeah so what we have to do in order to be yaakov is to look beneath the surface we can't we can't just uh focus on externalities I have to look inside of the pot and then we make our decisions not on its color or its look or its taste but it's round it doesn't have an opening then that is the sudas understand the purpose of what we're eating and why it's meaningful marriage Hashem during these days as we go into the winter it's cold and it's dark and uh everything starts to uh leaves all four of the trees what happens when you're 70. must come at times 70. when you're old and it's cold and who cares if you live or you die I played fagin and Oliver and camp anyway so uh so that's it we don't want to be Adam I want to be yaakov and uh kakov is is the ish Tom from the top of his head to the bottom of his foot Tom complete spiritually whether or not he was such an impressive specimen is irrelevant it's the what's on the inside that makes a difference during these times to be able to achieve to be Brunei yaakov and to free ourselves finally from Godless Adam and now we come to the question and answer portion of our program Anonymous asks in the rubs Yom kippur's story with you mentioned how yasala asked for amaksa instead of mashiach why was that held against him how are we supposed to know when there is an ace rot zone for something is that a question of Rene it's a question of what do you ask for what are your shephis is is the best that you can expect uh a maxim right you have a moment you have a moment I need a moment yeah he he he understood I lost my wife I lost my money I lost my business I lost everything and I'm still struggling I'm going in the Yom Kipper and the only thing I can think of that I need is a boxer why aren't you thinking about Michelle because you think uh who's asking for Michelle I'm not thinking that way you have to have dreams you have to achieve us all right it happens to be from time to time when I talk as we've already established them something of a social critic and so afterwards people say to me why isn't anybody doing anything and I said I am if I have to save the world by myself I will if you want to help me there'll be two of us but I'm not giving up my goal is to save Claude Israel okay you know I can argue my limitations and look at all the reasons why I should not succeed but is the out of Nevada said I never asked whether I could do something I asked if something should be done and I knew that akush Baruch would give me the kayak to do it so uh dream dream dream dream dream dream that doesn't only include going to thedreamraffle.com and getting the two for one special okay Anonymous asks given the recent elections in Israel and the USA I was wondering the following why does the rhetora require us to have a king three is shown all the problems that a total monarchy has even the Jewish Kings and Tanakh routinely had problems with corruption and abuse of power for example King akhaf killing novice and hunting down the navient queen Italia killing an almost uh wiping out all the descendants of David Menasha forcing everyone to worship the bowel other kings who killed the Sanhedrin Etc I'll probably Beyond I in democracy really worse than having a a complete Tyrant on the throne why does itar require a king when the position uh has so many troubles and uh problems that could come along from it okay let's back up a step um the fact that people do not live up to expectations does not mean that there's a problem with the institution uh there was an Amtrak driver who is texting and didn't notice uh what was going on in the train that derailed killed a bunch of people there was a guy who was driving the Staten Island Ferry and he wasn't paying attention and uh you know he ended up uh ended up crashing into the dock injuring people I've been Pilots they have been crooked cops crooked judges crooked politicians so is the solution Anarchy that's in the Democracy by the way so let's not have any police let's not have any judges let's not have any people driving the train or flying planes or doing anything don't give anybody any positions of responsibility because they can abuse it patients have been misdiagnosed by doctors let's get rid of doctors hospitals have made poor decisions about patient care let's get rid of hospitals you can look at any institution and say well look at the problems and because of the problems let's dispose of the institution but that's not the right approach the way to be able to work is to be able to come up with the most uh perfect system that we can democracy foreign the founders of America didn't want a democracy um there's a story told that Jefferson said to Washington what do you want the Senate what's the purpose of the Senate the House of Representatives that's democracy everybody votes they get a representative the representatives vote now that's only because they didn't have the option of just having everybody you know immediately you know push a button and have them vote on the spot now they had Representatives the Senate was a whole different Institution so Washington said to Jefferson why do you pour your tea into the saucer before drinking it he says to cool it off he says that's the purpose of the Senate slow it down because masses can be given to Hysteria democracy can run wild and the people in charge can just do the most horrific things in the name of democracy and Israel we have a democracy there's no Constitution 51 of the population could theoretically impose their will on the remaining 49 percent nothing they can do about it there are no guarantees there's no Constitution there's no Bill of Rights no do whatever I want that's a democracy yeah in England there's no free speech some guy sent out voted a meme that uh some people found defensive they arrested him carried away in handcuffs a right to free speech no rights democracy it's mob rule looks like a good day for a hanging there's no reason in democracy not to have slavery if we all get together and the majority vote that we're going to enslave a certain portion of the population it's democracy put it to a vote well you have to have guarantees those are a constitutional government that's that's an American concept that they came up with and the left is trying hard to get rid of it because it limits their ability to impose on everybody else what they want they don't want free speech they don't want anybody to say whatever they want because we find it offensive you can only say what we want that's democracy so because there's not Mussolini in charge you know El Duce imposing his will on everybody but rather it's the mob that's imposing their will on everybody that makes it okay the Torah believes in a constitutional monarchy the Constitution is a Torah the balance of power is maintained by the sun hedrin because there are a lot of things the king cannot do without a son hedrin he needs to go to the urban which is run by the cohengaddle there's a certain balance of powers that go into this institution but the ideal is a king why because we say about we learn how to understand now can you corrupt the institution of calcium but that's not the that's that's not what the position is meant for a king is supposed to be a symbol the closest we came to that in America according to certain historians was uh Teddy Roosevelt he was uh he was a renaissance man he was a big game hunter in Africa he was a war hero he wrote The Definitive book on Ornithology the study of of birds he spoke a whole bunch of different languages he grew up in aristocratic family in New York he he was he was just so multi-talented and that's what a king is supposed to be I quote from the historical work Monty Python and the Holy Grail where in order to get across the bridge you have to answer these three questions answer me these questions three are the other side you wish to see what is your name I am Lancelot what is your quest I seek the Holy Grail what's your favorite color blue okay so Robin who's a coward he's like oh I could do that what's your name sir Robin what's your quest I seek the Holy Grail what's the average velocity of a sparrow I don't know that and he falls over the bridge so finally Arthur gets there what is your name I am author King of the britons what is your quest I seek the Holy Grail what's the average velocity of a sparrow it depends European or African I don't know that and so the keep of the bridge Falls over and his aide says to him how did you know that he goes when you're a king you have to know these things another king is supposed to be he's supposed to be a higher sug benadam that acts as a rallying point for everybody he's supposed to be the point that brings all of clay Israel together says the maharo he's allowed to have 18 wives why the number 18 because if you think of this world as six sides so the four directions and up and down where they meet the edges there are 12 of those edges they take the 12 edges and the six sides and come up with 18 because the King has to unite every aspect of classical and bring it together and be their leader so could the position be abused sure so good democracy so could uh a dictatorship so could anything else the Torah did not Envision a king as an oriental potent who can do whatever he wants there's a balance of power there in the ideal sense and so governor who is King Nothing of he comes in and accuses him Jacques they don't drag him off and kill him why because he was in so much pain he couldn't get out the rest of the words but the navi said I did something wrong that's the way it's supposed to work ideally Schwartz asks it's said that words have power so we must be careful what we say and the pre-yom Kippur podcast you said to make a point I cut off my leg with a Power sword I lost my leg why is it okay to make this and other bold statements that others would not well shoshana you know me I always say things that other people would not somebody once said sometimes I think you think whether or not this is appropriate to say or not and despite whatever you come up with you say it anyway there's some truth to that um and of course uh as she continues in a question seeing as hell you take real remedy questions now here is my question I'm not asking out of curiosity I learned from you long ago to say it like it is and I um looking and I like backing for this the idea that as I very often will talk about the fact that Hashem loves us and Hashem believes in US and that's true that's true so the two things could be true at the same time Hashem loves us Hashem is rooting for us Hashem wants to see us succeed as a parent right we're both parents we're both grandparents you know you want what's best for your kids but sometimes you sit by helplessly and watch your kids make really poor decisions and you would do anything you can to try to get them not to do it because you understand the consequences I had a daughter and she was very upset about the dress code and she says that's it I'm not wearing that skirt they can throw me out I'm not gonna wear that skirt I said okay let's think for a second the consequences of what you're saying they'll throw you out of school no other school is going to take you you know you're going to run into the streets you're not going to find a up you're not gonna is it really worth it over a skirt and they say yes that's poor judgment and sometimes people make poor choices and okay they sometimes have a circuitous journey in order to find their way back but to say that actions don't have consequences it's just not honest I've made choices in life some of them were really bad and I suffered as a consequence and okay I had to work that much harder to put things back together right I know for example those who are not familiar so Shawna Schwartz works with kids who suffer from abuse and things like that so you understand you've been an abusive parent you've abused kids sexual molesters or whatever the case happens to be this consequence is to your actions you can come back you can rebuild your life you know if you decide not to go to your son's grave and blow your brains out then there's always a there's always a road for Redemption there's always a way to find your way back no matter how terrible it is but uh but you have to know that if you're an adult because tells you I give you the freedom to make choices and those choices are going to have consequences some of them are going to be very good and some are going to be very bad and at the end of the day you have to deal with the situation that you have that was the message so again a person can choose to focus on whatever they choose to focus on the fact that there's a reality doesn't change the fact that the coach broker loves us and rooting for us and and that is when I was at a very very bad part in my life that's how I approached the coach Barack when I said listen I I can't I can't the medicine then it's too hard for me I'm going to focus on the fact that I'm going to dedicate my life to you and I'm going to try the best that I can within my limitations and I know I'm going to mess up more than I'm going to succeed and that's it that's just who I am okay so I made some poor choices during those times I wish I was somebody else but that doesn't get us anywhere so the best you can do is deal with your limitations and sometimes you make bad decisions and then you have to you know you have to work with what you made Anonymous asks sometimes you have a friend that wants to arrange a shiruch between your child and his and you know it's a bad idea is there a way to politely turn down the and still remain friends nope absolutely not the best you could do is move out of town change your number because your question is predicated on the fact that these parents obviously have no idea who their children are as is very often true as a parent we very uh orphan have a blind spot when it comes to our kids when a kid is getting into bad things uh very often the parents of the last to know they don't see it they have a blind spot when it comes to their kids so the if you have a friend who has a kid who's nothing like the friend thinks and uh and your kid is not shyak at all but they want it to go together so you could tell them no I don't think it's a good idea why why what's wrong I understand what's the problem you got a good girl I got a good boy it's terrific the two of them will get along great you know they grew up together it's a wonderful why tell me why so Israelis have this line Loma Tim but that doesn't work for a friend of a llama why what explain it to explain it to me so like I say uh I I don't if there is a way to gracefully get out of that other than to say well we're not really introduction right now or I'm dying uh you know of a rare disease I don't know how to get out of that situation I really don't if anyone has any suggestions I'd love to hear them but I don't know how to negotiate that and those asks can you speak about being firmer than Hashem doing humorous then in Essen don't help you grow in your rookness sure Judaism is like a fitted sheet and you can only pull so much on one side before the other side pops up so when it comes to achhomra you have to decide what is this homework going to cost me I had one kid who had a lot of things that she had to do before she could go to sleep she had to learn you know she had to learn this and she had to say that she had a lot of stuff that she had to do and most mornings I'd find it passed out on the couch because it was just too overwhelming she couldn't do it was too much so she had to back up and sometimes people take on cameras that make them resentful you have to you have to be honest what are my needs what do I have to do what do I you know and if I take on something and it's too much I have to be honest about it and so that's why I'll tell I've told this story before I'll tell it to um my parents loved having all the children together for Rosh Hashanah but my parents didn't have that big a house and can I know how are we all getting married and having kids so they said we're gonna go away to a hotel and take all the kids okay so we went to the homework for Rosh Hashanah so at some point my father said to me did you notice one of you Brothers didn't come and I said yeah I noticed because you know why I said no says he didn't think it was proper to Daven in a hotel minion it's better to dive into sure I said I hear that so my father said then why did you come I said I decided to be Markham not to dear I said diving Universal shown is the door upon it gotta keep your priorities straight okay that's it for this week if you want to find out more about the show you can go to my website robertlowski.com you can leave a comment you can sponsor an episode you can uh um listen to the theme song you can listen to other shioram and uh and uh find uh other articles that I've written all kinds of fun and exciting things and uh that's it until next time I Am David olowsky and this is the rabbiolovsky show it's the rabbi Orlowski show ready to go the rabbi olowsky show not once your wisdom will help you grow lots of fun in every episode and we don't have to rhyme it's the rabbi or loves the show show [Music]