Days of Joy (Ep. 186)

hi this is deborahlowski welcome to the robertlowski show whether you're watching with our friends over a tour anytime wherever you watch or listen to your podcast it doesn't make a difference it's uh sukis wow but it's joyous time just uh sitting outside in our sukkah and uh depending Where You Are that's a more challenging or less challenging experience when I grew up in Long Island and it was like this year where Circus was later it was very cold I mean you went out into the sucker in your in your winter coats to go and uh and to eat there um and I remember at one point I was uh in my fbt phase which is fiery balchuva and I said to my father I'm sleeping in the sukkah he says are you crazy you're going to catch pneumonia and I said I was at mitzvah's name is I took my bed out there I woke up in the morning and of course my father was wrong I didn't catch pneumonia I just got bronchitis but uh you know it's kind of challenging I know uh somebody who married a girl from Miami Beach and he says they put uh they put an air conditioner in the sukkah because otherwise it's too hot right it's tire is Potter from a uh from the midst of Circa and it's just too hot down there it's impossible I know I was uh I was in Miami in September once for a uh for a Shabbos and I took a shower got dressed and I walked from the door of the house to the street and I was soaked it was so hot and so humid it made you just hope for a hurricane to cool things off but uh who knows I tell the story that uh I once spoke in Boca the September October in between Hurricane Ivan and Janine it was just hurricane after Hurricane they just gotten the electricity back on and Boca in it and I got up to speak and I said why do you people live here and they said what are you talking about the weather and November they're right is gorgeous January it's terrific yeah I was in Phoenix Arizona twice um once in November and once in January it's delightful they tell me if you come there in the summertime so people have to wear oven mitts when they uh when they have to drive because they can't even hold the wheel I uh I did a Shabbos in Palm Springs California in August it was a hundred and seventeen degrees that's hot so sometimes it's too hot sometimes it's too cold and Hashem this time of year and it's so it's usually what we call sukis weather ah it's delightful crisp and delicious and you just love staying out there when I I build my own little sleeping Suka and uh it's just it's terrific yeah because the wall is 10 12 from high has to be otherwise it doesn't count as a market I roll out uh a row of put my mattress in there and I just crawl in and I have a little comfy sucker ah it's terrific it's a problem in the morning when you wake up and you bang your head but you know but until then it's delightful people come to visit me I can't really entertain it's kind of small but you know we they sit Japanese style you know so have a glass of sake anyway so uh um so you go out into your sukkah just enjoy the experience oh so wonderful so that's what we're going to talk about but first I want to read you a non-sponsorship this is not a sponsorship but I was so moved by this that I want to share it with you hi Robert alaski you touched a nerve in episode 182. one of my pet peeves especially as treasurer of my shul is people asking for breaks on membership knowing that there are those receiving tuition breaks while driving expensive cars going on vacation buying expensive jewelry people hire expensive party planners and rent Furniture but try to negotiate on the shoals rental fee now before you said to me once he was speaking at a dinner and uh he said this is what I charge and and they said well you know give us he says you're paying full price for the caterer full price for the printer full price for you know for everything else over here but suddenly when it comes to paying the rabbi you know now now you don't have any money he says it's not covered and uh baby olowick told me once uh he says when it comes to uh counseling he does counseling he says you should always charge because people don't think it's question if they don't charge and I've seen myself that when I charge uh a higher fee than a lower fee it always turns out to be a much better speech people appreciate it more but anyway so they're trying to negotiate on the show's rental fee but it made me think that I received so much from your podcasts and this is our way of saying thank you and he paid for sponsorship no need to sponsor an episode he doesn't even want a sponsorship for this just want to say thank you please keep Anonymous thank you for always speaking the truth a goodyar Well I this is not a sponsorship he's not sponsoring this but uh but I just found that so inspiring because uh you know that's what we uh that's what we do we we try to appreciate what we uh what we get and give and there are some people who just look at it from the point of view of you know how can I get without giving and uh and that's it okay so that's our non-sponsorship um so let me talk for a moment about Hosanna rabba Rashana rabba is the final Yoma did um it's not nigamar yeah but the guy doesn't talk about it it is written on Rosh Hashanah it is sealed on Yom Kippur where did that come from not my song Some Music what does that mean yeah so this is this is a an interesting concept so I may have shared this thought um we've we've done I think this is episode 186 we've done a lot of these and it's it's very possible that I repeat myself um I uh have people who who followed the podcast uh uh I guess I'll say religiously um if you can use that term for a podcast but uh they um they seem to remember everything that I've ever said you know so one time a guy was here he was in the audience and he says he didn't say one thing that I haven't already heard and I had to show him one second what about this what about that no okay okay you know and the one says you know but um I remember I was at a sheer once by relationship hero and I felt like I'd heard these ideas all before I didn't think it was anything new and remember Joseph Brown who really learned for many years about Maisha I I always say and he would never call me one either I know this from a messenger yeah it was somebody who was upset about something that she was doing and because I had written a letter on the subject that everyone thought that I was his man and they were coming after me and I I said you're angry at the king so you killed a Jester you know I said you really think that if a relationship hero wants to bring a message out to the world he says yeah that guy's sitting in the fourth row who doesn't really follow so much about what I'm saying I want him to represent me I said he has Russia Yeshiva he's got attacked his lawyer a scientist who come to ishiram you think he was going to pick me so I said this over to ramesha and he said yeah it's really pretty funny I said what what verb how I felt so uh but but Joseph Brown he uh he he was the real deal you know he might understand so many years and uh um and I said to him I said I didn't I didn't feel like there was any fiducium here and he said a painter has only so many colors but he can paint endless pictures with them so yeah there's a certain uh Foundation of hisodos but he puts them together in different ways so uh sometimes I bring in uh an idea in one context but it's appropriate in another context as well so um I don't know if I've said this one before said to me during of what was Shabbos and he said to me I'd like to go to sleep error brush Kurdish hello and wake up after some Crystal so I thought hey you want to sleep through I need to see my sleep through Yom Kipper you know I want to sleep through circus sleep through yeah yes because it's too much for me it's too much pressure so it's interesting where's your shine is a pressure it's dead it's then you're being judged you have to take a hard look at your life new decisions you have to prevent present a defense and a reorganization plan for the coming year I said it's me chuva okay a lot of Sleepless I couldn't appreciate that yeah pretty long if they get up early because a poetic Hebrew and he had one either way you look at it you're gonna have a problem because I can't keep up with the person who's doing it I I take uh I take more time I I just recently did a sheer in my feelings here on this topic about Solutions I went to sleep because and I said you know I have to read ahead I have to prepare ahead because there's no way I can say it that fast alternatively is somebody who says it as slow as I do and that's just so oppressive I don't even want to think about it I'd rather be the one trying to catch up than the one having to hang around yeah but um okay you know Yom Kippur all right you're fasting a whole day in Shore is that yeah okay sukis circus is fun simple going out every night having a party um I don't know if everybody remembers like on the music scene there was someone by the name of Dove Levine he was on the first Journey's album and um he was learning a note show because he was young he was young when he became a star yeah it was really nice show and he used to go around every single night to sing at a different simpler space station wave and he told me somebody said are you crazy you're going to ruin your voice you know you can't you can't keep doing this and he said why did I coach bro who give me a voice for if not to be able to sing so you want to sleep okay yeah with with the flags do you like the flags I grew up I grew up in a show so because Charlie used to give you candy apples if you've never had the experience yeah it's an apple you put a stick in it and you put this hard you know Cherry candy outside that hardens on it and it take a bite out of it I made it I actually found the recipe and I made it for my kids and they tried to take a bite and it was too hard and it hurt their teeth and I had a whole bunch of apples covered in um covered in a sugary substance that was hard with one bite net if I knew that I would have made one and like pass it around the other one take one bite you know but uh you know Mr the jelly apples gosh you know and uh you figure for the average bucket what could be more appealing than drinking yeah uh what an excuse to be able to drink you know uh in America I've been in places where some of his terror is basically poor there's drinking and schtick and all kinds of crazy things you know it's one of the great things about living in Israel is that Sanchez miniature one day so you have to um have all the hot coffees and then go into Phil's gesham and yes good you know I was like the it's all the same day you know you don't get to separate the religious stuff off and then just have the uh the the the fun and put it all together yeah and I thought about it and I understand why there's a pressure there's a lot of pressure Rosh Hashanah says even ello hello yeah I understand where the pressure is pressure you know because your brother's gonna judge me am I going to get forgiven I'm going to be written in the Book of Life the book of death what's going to happen to me uh am I going to be a Russian Sadiq what's going to happen me bye yeah all the terrible things that are going to possibly happen all the judgments I understand that seven Hashanah rabba is the final Yom hadin why because even if you did not make it in din maybe you can make it in simra okay Russian is still heavy for you serious make sure we're still happy for you your cup is too heavy for you but you can't sit out in the sucker sing songs eat food drink drink fine drinks Tamiami says where did this come from that in the sukkah we always put out like fancy food and fancy drinks where's that from so he says because circus is to remember the Nissim of the ananya covered and you know the anonyme were part of a set it also came along with the mun which tasted like anything you wanted and the air which tasted like any liquid that you wanted and they had that the whole 40 years in the mid bar and that's what we are remembering on circus so just like remember the sukkah with the ananyaka would remember the food remember the drink all the wonderful things that go with that so service so I said to him what's wrong with circus and he said to me because you have to be happy [Laughter] it's not like if you want to be happy okay the Gamora asks who gets more scar for doing a Mitzvah a Jew or an anju remember when I learned this as a kid I said of course the nanjo it's extra credit doesn't have to do it but the Camaro says no the Jew gets more credit why because he's matsuve he's commanded and there's a simple reality once I have to do it I don't want to yeah high school kid wakes up in the morning looks at his room and it is a disaster area even by his incredibly low standards and he decides today I'm going to clean up my room you know all the clothes that stand on its own are going into the wash all the old pizza boxes taking them out you know take a lawnmower see what I can do with the carpet tonight I I I'm determined and you're lying in bed psyching yourself up and your mother opens the door and says this room is a pigsty clean it up no I don't want to because you told me I have to there are people who stay up every night till four o'clock in the morning except on truest Night by 11 30 they're falling asleep there are people never eat breakfast sometimes they forget to eat lunch it's like three four o'clock in the afternoon they say oh I didn't eat anything today except on a tightness nine o'clock in the morning they're pacing up and down oh my gosh I'm never gonna make it I have a headache able to lie down what time is it 901 oh I don't know I'm gonna make it so but you never eat but I always could and once you tell me I can't I'm starving so you tell me I have to be happy yeah cheer up or else yeah so uh it's a pressure but just like we can serve a Kurdish borrow who through era we can serve how could it through say no he never is foreign [Music] but I have to be happy even that's a pressure for some people I don't want to have to do anything I mentioned this in the past but vicenter told me once he says the taiva of kids today it's not to go out and do bad things when I was growing up people wanted to go out and do things that were wrong he says now they want to sit and binge watch TV shows and movies and never go anywhere they're just sitting on their phone or whatever their device is and like this totally gone yeah I don't wanna I looked up once interesting thing you know on some websites they tell you how much uh views your videos had but you can go into it and also see the engagement meaning how long did people watch the video and a lot of people watch the video don't watch it all the way to the end it's too much of a commitment it's too much time that's why you have all these you know programs where they give you a minute one minute because that's as much as people can handle yeah so they'll be down to a second Torah [Laughter] Villa new the moment when I could probably got angry which is a fraction of a second so what was he gonna say Club okay one word so we can have meaning for a second so [Laughter] I have no I have no attention span for anything more than that everyone's attention span is shot so uh so it's interesting to see you know have to try to keep focused no one wants to do anything so you tell me I have a mitzvah I don't even want to do that I I don't know if I've told this story it could very well be that I did there was a film called The Matrix which I never saw but I heard about and I used to quote it in Sheeran all the time but uh basically the idea is that everybody is living an imaginary life you're really in a big tube hooked up to a machine and you're imagining everything until make believe so sometimes people say to me why do I have to work so hard to have a meaningful life why can't Hashem just make me think I'm having a meaningful life just fool me I said well that's like being hooked up to the Matrix you know you don't have anything real it's nothing's real starting about 15 years ago students would say to me yeah I'm okay with that I'm okay thinking I have a meaningful life even though I don't fool me tell me no secrets tell me some lies give me no reasons give me alibis foreign I don't need reality I don't need to get married and have children and have a loving with it I just have to pretend hook me up to a machine and I'll think that I did of course there's no point to creating people for that what's the point just make a computer program push a button that goes happy happy happy happy happy happy there's no point to it but people are so I don't want to do anything yeah the the apathy is so far that we don't even want to be happy we don't even want to celebrate there are people who consider it a big chore they have to go to a simple now I'm not talking about people who have a bunch of little kids and they get invited out every night and they don't want to keep leaving the baby and the children with you know with a or a pair you know they want to they want to spend time with their children and do their homework I can't understand that well if you have nothing to do I'd rather stay home and do nothing have a simcha be happy you know certain people were so happy when covet hit because I never have to leave my house whatever I do I'll do online and anybody I have to talk to her do it on Zoom I don't have to go shopping go online buy whatever it is don't deliver it to my house go up for the Food they'll break it to my house I have to do anything nothing sukis is really intense it's intense happiness people partied all night and all day to the point of the glory says when did they sleep so if you had to sleep you put your head on your friend's shoulder um you got back up kept dancing celebrating singing enjoying pleasure yeah it is it is a pressure that's what the end of circus we have a final yomadin and we say okay maybe din was too intense for you and maybe chuva was too intense with you but how about simcha even that was too much for you that's it and that's what we have to do we have to embrace the simcha because there's plenty of other ways of motivating people that are not so happy not so positive so much be happy and celebrate and cervical that way a secular Jewish businessman told me once most Jews have never heard of Shiva brachas but they all know how to say kaddish because the one thing we do well is mourn that we choose a good at being miserable that's simcha that's much harder so let's go into zman Casino and let's uh let's allow ourselves to live a little sing and dance and eat and drink and celebrate and fill ourselves with that wonderful sense of simcha that comes from being takas inside of our sukha Frozen Hashem envelop us in your uh in your beautiful beautiful okay so uh now we come to the question answer portion of the program laser Cohen asks I just heard the car wash story from a few weeks ago now for those of you who are not watching then I told the story about how I was waiting online to go to a car wash and this guy cut the line and so the car wash people refused to wash his car and he refused to leave the line so all of us stood there and the Blazing heat for 45 minutes during this Mexican standoff and eventually the car wash people realized the line was getting so long down down the uh Road that they decided to give in and wash the car that was the story here's the question laser Cohen asks with a Car Wash Guys correct in not giving in and holding up the whole line no no they either should have come up with some way to move his car I don't know what that would involve you know and if not just wash the car what do you so you're right yeah it's better to be smart than right that's a very important point you should you should always Embrace what is the best outcome as opposed to just sticking to your guns until you can say okay I was right so forget it the guy's not to say that just watch it and move on that's my opinion malphigian tubule expert asks why does the Tour allow us to eat grasshoppers why would we want to eat bugs the short answer is um I don't know why a grasshopper is any uh less disgusting than a dead bird or a dead cow or the other stuff that we eat I don't know why that is some of it's psychological um I can't eat lamb my kids my kids uh love lamb they want me to make lamb I can't eat lamb because it smells like an animal and I don't want to feel like I'm actually eating an animal that's why beef tastes like nothing so do chicken that's why when they go you know oh do you ever have venison which is deer yeah I said why he said well that's like a gamey taste so that's what we call spoiled that's the game we taste remember Empire chicken used to have a an ad uh never uh gamey taste and never a stringy texture something that that way to start with yeah Jackie Mason had a whole thing on Brie type of cheese Brie and it says uh you know he says it's disgusting it smells it's terrible people say you have to develop a taste he says why I have to spend six months being nauseous to develop a taste my point you ever hear anyone say you have to develop a taste of potato chips no because they taste good so that's me I can't eat limp so so if you ask me about grasshoppers I'll tell you another thing I can't eat tongue I have a couple kids that love ton I don't know why why is it any I have no problem eating his liver you know or other parts of the of the cowboy I know the tongue I I don't feel comfortable eating something with taste buds I feel like it's tasting me back it's irrational I don't know I'm not trying to justify it I'm just telling you so um so so the idea of eating grasshop is to me uh I don't find particularly appealing but this is the answer that I was given Once Upon a Time and as we've already established many times I'm not pissed off Crone I don't check these things out I just hear something and I repeat it um Locust eat an enormous amount of grain a fellow told me he knew an Israeli who was on a kibbutz in the 1950s they had a locust attack here in Israel and this enormous swarm of a gazillion of these things land and the kibbutz and they just eat everything you just hear chomping Chomp Chomp Chomp Chomp Chomp when they get up there's nothing left they ate everything so because of that they're very high in protein because they ate all that food that you were supposed to eat and they have it all inside of them therefore they're supposed to be a very good food source I've heard from people who say if you roast them with salt to their crunchy and they're yummy and I don't know I don't know but uh um it's it's the idea of uh take a horse or a pig there are places where they eat horses and pigs that doesn't mean that it's uh um I'm sure it's very tasty I really don't know but places that eat these things you know but um Latoya tells us well it's his tummy so bugs are Tommy you know eat them but uh could they taste good I don't know there is a move now to try to get people to start eating bugs yeah I know that would make Elma Fudd very happy all right that's enough about that uh Anonymous asks what's the meaning of leather shoes and Judy's and we can't wear them on Yom Kippur or tissue above we can't wear them in the Michigan of the basement they must be worn during khalita also are we specifically supposed to wear shoes during the rest of the year what is the meaning of all this shoes let you go well you can't go they let you blaze a trail there's thorns and thistles and rocks and hard to walk shoes give you the ability to go in the world where you weren't meant to go you can blaze New Path a morning doesn't go anywhere morning stays at home and he doesn't go anywhere there's no there's no there's no uh there's no Journey standing on Yom Kippur onion Kipper we are there it is the kodesha kadoshim in time as the coin girdle goes into the ocean Yom Kippur we are in the culture of the ocean in time no place for us to go and one of the reasons that we do the things we do is because we're like malachim we dress in white We Stand because my welcome have no knees they can't sit and um uh we don't eat or drink because they don't it's as very Leff once described it one day in olamhaba about Martin which is they're sitting why are they sitting because you don't have any legs in all them up there's no place to go your journey is over in this world we're going someplace but the destination is and that is Yom Kippur we are in the destination and that's why we don't do it um by khalita we take off the shoe why because you don't want to complete your brother's Journey your brother wanted to get married and have children I'm asking you to complete that and you refuse so you take off your show you refuse to finish the Journey of your brother as far as I understand that's what Jews represent yeah asks it seems that there is a trend in firm Publications and advertising that women's faces can never be shown that is true many women including myself find this to be demeaning of setting and absurd what are your opinions about this trend well I don't find it demeaning and I don't find it upsetting you might find it absurd but what are you upset about you want men to look at you you're missing out so you might say well it's absurd why can't you put in the woman's face and just let the man look at him and this shows the lack of understanding of men on the part of women because men like to look at women in fact there are many websites that are designed specifically for men to be able to look at women in uh not all of them are in things of undress there are girls who found out that boys get a hold of their high school yearbooks and look at all the girls pictures and they enjoy that that's demeaning that's upsetting and this has been a big question of do you send your picture around because then everyone's going to sit there and look at it and yes they do that's what guys do guys enjoy looking at pictures of women and uh women don't get it they really don't I appreciate that so uh so they say well why can't the men just control themselves the same reason that you put a lock and alarm on your house and say why can't the God novem just uh behave themselves because men or men and women are women and vivalla difference and men like to look at girls foreign even fully closed yeah and uh trying to be delicate but I'm not really good at it let's just say that uh men will look at a picture of a woman and uh maybe enlarge it get a better look I can't I can't figure out how to say this nicely but I've seen people do this so therefore people say we think it's demeaning to women to put their pictures in and allow them to be objectified so I asked this question once to a girl who was not religious and she would she didn't understand this whole concept of you know I said you went to obviously a co-ed school right right I said do you remember about seventh or eighth grade when you started to develop as a woman it says yes do you remember when you had to give a report in front of the class yes do you remember all the boys looking at you yes how did that make you feel yucky [Laughter] and sometimes it's the secular girls who'd say it so clearly of of the sense of being demeaned I said to a girl once who was not dressing particularly today is I said well why would you dress that way if you don't want guys to look at you he said well I don't want all guys to look at me I just want some guys look at me I said once you put the merchandise in the store window you can't stop people from window shopping so therefore it's being done in order not to allow women to be objectified and if women want their pictures to be out there I am there are websites and I'm not talking about you know improper websites their websites more than happy I mean this was one of the things that happened with only simchas there used to be a website only some listen they put up a whole bunch of pictures and guys we're looking at them looking is the wrong word ogling them this is a better word leering at them say after a while people start putting up pictures on these public sites because of this so uh um is it extreme like uh when they took out Bin Laden and the hamadiya airbrushed the picture of uh Hillary Clinton out was that too much yeah I don't think that Hillary Clinton being there would be a problem for anybody who knows I can't say but the idea is that there are people who would like to respect women's privacy and they know that men will demean them by staring at them and that's why they do it that's the reason for it now full disclosure I can't get my daughters to do it I've really tried I have eight daughters this is obviously a sensitive topic for me and I've had my sons on the show so my son-in-laws on the show and of course my daughters will not come on so I wanted for a perm episode I might as well just tell it to you because I don't think it's ever going to happen you know I wanted to talk about this concept it's in Israel it's called ratna shim you know where they remove women from the public sphere and I want to have three of my daughters on to talk about it wearing sheets and I think this is so funny and I can't get it one time they almost agreed and then they backed out at the last minute but I think that would be so funny to discussion with three women with with sheets over there and my daughters are all very accomplished and I'm very involved and have uh you know do a lot of important things but it's absolutely fascinating I mean I just I just the idea seems to be so interesting so anyway that's the reason for it anyway I see where you can consider it absurd uh but I certainly don't find it demeaning and I sure hope it's not upsetting because it's coming from a positive Place uh it's it's to protect the Dignity of women from prying eyes now could there be that there are girls who are staring at my picture and demeaning me and objectifying me nah not a chance yeah but it is fun to pretend [Applause] Ed yeah everyone should have a wonderful happy yantiff filled with joy and happiness good food good wine good company is the good friends the start of something special yeah cause today it's gonna be circus yeah I know if that's exactly how it goes but you get the idea sham everyone should have a beautiful hug somewhere this is Dr olowski and this has been the raviolovski show it's the rabbi orlowsky show show [Music]