98: The Honesty Card (Aliya Pt. 2)

hi this is Deborah Orlowski and welcome to the rabbi Arlovski show and whether you're watching with our friends at or any time well wherever you watch or listen to your podcasts it is always exciting to have you along and we have a sponsorship this week this episode is sponsored in memory of my grandmother highest saw a bus trips fee she was a Holocaust survivor who came here it's early after the war and raised a total family with mysterious nephesh what a tremendous tremendous thing today she is close to 50 descendants will open a Torah and eurasia Mayim that is an unbelievable accomplishment and a tremendous record and our learning this week should be an Lea for the neshamah he's very very special people in special souls I remember speaking once to a person who survived the Holocaust her mother survived the Holocaust when she passed away said her mother always said the Train took everybody from our town and everybody was killed except for me I went to work in the camps and I survived the war so I said some people get to die I was Kadisha shame and some people need to live a skittish ocean and that's much harder and so this should be a Leafman drama and all good things well I I went on to a topic and last time and I received a tremendous amount of response more than I have in a very long time obviously I hit on a particular topic and a few people actually wrote me and asked how many episodes you planning and I said I am so flattered that you think that there's a lot of planning that goes my producing the file as will testify how many times I have sat down to film the podcast and I said so what do you think I should talk about and I will say the truth I mentioned this last time I went out to my kids and I said I have to film the podcast what should I talk about and you know I'm a little uncomfortable do barcia when i know and so on America into different places and you know and I'd like to talk about issues you know I've gotten so many emails from people at recent weeks about how you know there's they're so happy that I speak about issues that need to be addressed and I've received quite a number of suggestions and perhaps we will incorporate those obviously they didn't come to me when I started last week it should have looked in my file but and one of my daughters said well why don't you talk about making a Lea because this is a major issue a lot of people in America Jordan you're coming and that reminded me yes I saw a study that they are preparing for a tremendous influx of American Jews we're going to be moving here from the the craziness that's going on in America so coronavirus has of course devastated America and in particular the from community [Music] when may de blasio was asked by a-ha medea reporter how come it was okay for everybody to go out and protest without masks and no social distancing including you but you won't let us reopen our shoals and he says well from testing 400 years of abuse and injustice is important but religious services is not so and then you see the violence and then you see anybody who says anything that's not politically correct they've fired from their job they'd driven off their attack but some football player gets up and says Hitler was right the Jews are no good and it's like well you know you have to understand do that sure because nobody cares about us I told you I was gonna make an organization called Jewish lives never mattered now I wish I wish I had enough mighty takeout ants Jewish lives never mattered so it's so it's fright so a lot of people looking towards art shop thinking to themselves this might be the right time to make so I spoke about it last week and and I received a tremendous outpouring of interest from people who are actually seriously considering maybe moving Jarrett's shell and they really want to hear some insights into this subject if at all possible so last week I talked about some of the challenges that come about from living in an show yeah and as always happens whenever you offer any criticism there was of course one person who wrote it usually it's more right what prison room you're like the Moraga Lim speaking bad about her she'll listen I've been in the field a long time and and sometimes you should know when I point out problems that are going on I'll speak about different problems when I speak you may have noticed I'm not shy at addressing issues so there's always at least one verse who says to me you were speaking russian about Claudia Stroud no it's us her to speak the head about Kali so I said what are you doing you say oh throughout that book what about you me oh yeah and and I'm sure I told the story in the past but a definitely bears repetition we used to recommend schmear solution and her no and we said a very major people came to speak she learned about him and I used to answer a boma that's how they come and he kept making excuses and it was obvious that he was avoiding this identify is it the Rebbe why won't you come and he said because I'm afraid that the public emphasis on for a solution is being used to stifle legitimate social criticism she can't say anything honey so what ends up happening end up with a situation where people know things about a off and they don't say anything of Russian art and then you have the couple gets divorced with a couple of kids and what it's Sonic you were you're such a dick such a sudden cuz you wouldn't say anything bare no look somebody's life be destroyed instead I mentioned in the past way this is particularly sensitive topic for me but in any event so suppose I'm Amish the Moroccan I'm the Moroccan right oh my god is gonna grow down and worms are gonna come out and they yep still harsh or harsh anyway but nice to call people to Moroccan so at a historic I used to speak when I moved here some thirty years ago thirty two years ago I speak English she was as we consume yours and part of my routine was I would tell his real jokes I would point out some of the foibles that take place from living here you know in an air show and you know things have changed a lot but I remember they used to be these laughs meat crackers I'm awesome and they had a picture on the front and they left the dirty knife in the picture which I know is kind of humorous the ketchup here the ketchup bottles are made to stand upside down I guess the idea is that you know you catchable always be there you don't have to like wait behind the slow kitchen you know Oh be closer so you have to like balance the ketchup on the little narrow part on the top and it's very easy for its beloved that seems to make much I pointed out little foibles like this yeah there's small things these are that you know there's some great falafel places here I meant the great things that is great falafel yeah but there's this Israeli spice I can't identify it but it smells a little bit like human sweat I'm not sure what it is if you go into a real Middle Eastern rest restaurant sometimes you can have this group they said what is that spice that smells like sweat I said oh it's sweat here's the only make falafel anyway I used to tell these jokes yeah today it's changed but when I came to learn in yeshiva every year shaver and Seminary had soft nude beds which were these little metal frames with a wooden board and a sponge mattress not a very big sponge mattress you know needs to be certain guys and you see them upside of a stack up a bunch of mattresses you know I tried once I put a pee underneath ones that I'm seeing nobody but you know so I would make jokes about these different of things and the point I was making and that was the point I was making last podcast is that there it's firm that can be assured there are issues and problems that you have to face and I don't believe that lying to people is effective and people lie Nevaeh everything is better here and everything is good no problems it's a lie it's not true so someone said to me well any country you move to there's many problems that's true but you have to understand that a lot of things in Israel come from the fact that the people who started the state either came from Eastern European countries or they came from Arab countries neither which were first world countries one of the in reasons Israel has changed so much is because of the Aliyah that's coming from the West a lot of French people have moved here a lot of Americans have moved here and it's changed the nature of the country so so but yeah but when I came here and the country was then run by you know socialists and people who did not have a tradition of you know and he could have sense of democracy it was there are problems and I'm not going to lie to you and pretend that makes me the Moraga I'm the moraga because I'm telling you that there were real problems that exist I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm a little upset I don't like it when people call me Cora or the Marah glim or bill arm or a sub or cayenne you know or Hitler or manky or or you know it gets me a little a little sensitive that's me hey event I don't mean to I don't mean to Ranchi I know people some people just wait for those things but no no as a rebel Minh said it's not illegitimate to point out real criticisms that have to be made and a person who comes here like I told the story if people come and they say the apartments are small I had a two family house in Far Rockaway I was semi attached to one of the nicest families I have ever had this was - no in my life I will mention them because they're said to dear friends the SATs and we had a semi attached house I had a backyard I had a I had a deck a grill on it I had a basement we could keep things yeah yeah they moved into a three-bedroom apartment and it was a major lifestyle change I was just speaking to somebody who's thinking and maybe moving here and they said you know that I gotta I gotta find out I gotta find myself a house and we grass and they I can't I can't do this apartment thing I appreciate it I described how I lived in Far Rockaway I grew up in North America Long Island in a ranch house with a with a big one in the front and a side a side yard on the back and it was suburbia yeah here's to the grabb grass here's to the mortgage in fact here's to suburbia lay down your briefcase far from the rat race where nothing can disturb you up uncomplicated it's what we waited for so long in this city come let us go there live like Thoreau there a life of sweet simplicity that was so written by Alan Schurman back in the 1960s can move on it didn't work out there explains all the problems ago I but but at least you know that you know deal I didn't grow up in an apartment building you know I don't house if you don't cut your lawn you got dirty notes from neighbors and stuff but for the most part you are on your own and then you come and get thrown into a cooperative building there's a tenants association code here abide by you now everybody it depends where most people don't care but every time in your building where they get together and they fight over who do we change in the elevator company are we going here we're doing this and everyone's forced to have to deal with each other this person said I'm not ready for that I want my own house I don't what I have to deal with a did they get up yeah my milk who taught him live on moshav much as younger the aura box and I mentioned last time when we when we drove down to Florida my you know my son a la troll mayor he speaks he's big southern so he was driving the band they're real good southerners yeah and they ever have so much about the CEO they used to raise chickens and goats and stuff you know fruit trees someone says I'm looking for something like that but in the heart of usually my one of my one of my children brought in Ramat Beit Shemesh gimel and the buildings are enormous and everything is packed together and macduff can made the roads extra narrow because you know they know how people speed so this way you can barely go and when the gun in let out you know I mean you can't move on the streets doesn't it serious this is something you have to take into account so that's what I'm doing I'm gonna do the best I can not to lie to you I don't want to sugarcoat it I don't wanna I don't want to talk about you know how everything is this there are difficulties and that's why I spoke about last time so why do you live in so I mentioned last time I have to live I can't live in Whistler and and now let me let me explain this to you because without a really powerful motivation it's hard it's hard to leave your family and there's so many things you don't even take for granted and that you take for granted that you don't realize my daughter when we first moved here she was at one of my daughter's was having difficulty in her class and so we decided we make a birthday party so they send out a letter no nobody thought to make birthday parties unless you invite the entire class 35 girls in the class so we talked being you know giving loving parents and we said you know what we'll have all 35 girls over yeah and and so she put up a little pet that confiting everybody to her birthday party she was third grade fourth grade son like that I remember I was so teachers sees the note calls the principal the principal takes down the note crumbles it throws and garbage says no no no birthday parties able invite your invite your your relatives my daughter said my relatives are in America well you can't afford give really kids can by the way I think I told this story once but my first year that I I went to sleepaway camp we went to when I went to camp Maple Lake it closed down the year after I win next year I went the camp : get also closed down sudden the thing today I might be the kiss of death but anyway so on the way up so my father bought cases of soda and junk food and stuff like that you know and the guy who was buying it from sip what kind of can't believe anyway so my father the first time we ever went to sleepaway camp so he is the camp director are we you know I brought some stuff for my kid is that okay oh no no you can't you can't have the kids in that because we give nutrition yes you know since why Buddha Doran he says well keep it in the office and if they need anything they want a soda tell them to come into the office and ask for me so whenever we walk into the office not gonna do it I say mister so-and-so you know I'm gonna see him and he would peek his head of the of his horsing and he'd shut the door I need lower the blinds I wish I was exaggerating and he would open his bottom drawer and take out his soda and put in a brown paper bag he says if anyone asks tell them you're throwing out garbage fruit let's help sweet spaghetti soda meantime every other kid in the bug that's cases of food junk food soda under their bed in their cubbies you know we used to keep there as so does warm by keeping it in the in the little many corner of the the commode in the flush box whatever it is yeah but we had to go because why cuz we asked so Americans don't know I give an example when my first daughter was starting high school so it's a big problem at the high schools and girls getting the high school girls gonna love that so double your sham said we're making a bad diet and every seminar is gonna take the girls we tell them to take they said up about that and of course we went down from the meeting and we met with them you know they they signed us to to a duel what'd it go into it yeah high school so I see a friend of mine later who by the way his wife is the daughter of famous Russia Shira so so I said you have a girl going into high school yeah I said the gym go to the five Tigers he went to the mind that I got my father he got this one that one yeah she's in already she's in the best one I said but revolutions a big day America which is something you have to get used to in Israel because in America we have rules here it runs by protects eeeh if you have to go in for it's all socialized medicine so you want to go in and get an elective operation so you have to wait sometimes three months but your mother is friendly with the secretary and she calls up the secretary and she juggles it around and she moves you to the front of the line so Tamara and American you go to jail for that corruption yeah we caught protects is protects it you know forget protects yeah get my kid to school and get protects you I can get busy but yeah if you part of a beautiful people so I don't ever mention this but this it's all part of the Israeli mentality you have been somebody that's really mentality it's very hard I've been here a long time and it's hard to real grass Vardhan our seat is an underclass not even by most Hodgkin Azam but certainly by most vardaman therefore there are certain high schools that gear themselves force 40 students and most vitam don't want to go there they want to go to an Ashkenazi school you know the problem is so the Ashkenazi school tells us right I'm sure you can all come then it turns into a swathi school and the swag and oh my god they want to go to an Ashkenazi school so all the Ashkenazi schools maternity this riding schools a big to go this right and then this one I don't want to go we only go to an Ashkenazi school cuz in their own mind with a more privileged class and you know etc so so what do they do they set up quotas like quotas have changed over the years twenty-five percent 27 percent thirty percent have to be smarty yeah as such very often the smarty students are much better than the Ashkenazi students because they're drawing from a smaller pool of students obviously anyway so sprite about always upset about this but anytime a seminar says no problem well this program can come they don't want to go there anymore because they Dolph could want to go in the words of Groucho Marx I don't want to join any club that would have music and I have to tell you I don't know how it works in America but when I was there there was just a concept wasn't there was no classes there was no this kind of thing you know these farty he's Ashkenazi he's this you know and among this smart herb a big awesome hierarchy I met a Persian who's couldn't get married to a particular girl that he wanted to get married do curses Baron said that they came from the wrong neighborhood in Tehran anyway but so is Friday was complaining to me and he says you believe they have quotas for us I said don't complain to me I'm an American they don't have quotas for us there's a certain seminar that make it clear we don't want Americans I don't want Americans they're bad influence yeah and there was one very wealthy person who one of these seminar had up for a lot of money and he pledged a lot of money and and then his daughter of like to the school and intake so he says you think I'm gonna give you money so they changed it my right away they took his daughter and then they asked him you know if you make the donation he says the bitter taste is still in my mouth but in Israeli society as a whole I mean I have to tell you this was an eye-opening experience because when you decide to move there itself and you're gonna leave family behind and somebody wrote me I didn't realize just the fact that I have nobody to babysit my family's in America there's nobody leave the kids with ya for simplest people have to decide and they can fly and they can fly any other said remember how hard it is so you make sacrifices you don't know the language you don't know the culture and you have difficulty at times of the paranoia yeah and and all these other kind of situations but you've done this with tremendous mysterious nefesh I always say this whenever I give a sharing art show to Americans Englishmen Australians you know because I basically speak to the English speakers and and I say you listen I'm talking to the most dedicated group in Hertzfeld because you gave up so much to come here you nobody appreciates that sacrifice I'm generalizing but many people don't and as a very important person I kind of said to me once the Americans are sort of an underclass we take them as much as we have to date we deal with them as much we have to take but a sense of appreciation sense of wow look what you gave up I was giving a teacher in my girls elementary school right whenever I would drive them I would pass by the bus stop if I saw any teachers I would try to take them with me when I would drive my kids to school so one time I told the story about how my daughter was at a era of rooty at one of her teachers house and she volunteered to do the dishes afterwards and and the woman was surprised that she was using so much water so this teacher said you know yes these Americans come they don't appreciate anything they waste the water they waste everything that I'm this whole rant I'm thinking to myself some poor American kid like my kid is gonna be in this woman's class and they have nothing nice to say about us don't exert any thing but I thought to myself yeah think we use a lot of water because we come from a country where there's water we move to the desert but we have to pay a lot of money whose water we made that sacrifice so maybe say well what a beautiful thing that yeah she's not used to conserving water because she came from a country with a lot of water and she's made that sacrifice to come here forget about it so yeah yeah now I really didn't want to spend this week talking about more problems and don't worry this more I'll talk about what brought that wasn't really my topic you know I wanted to say the following yeah if you're gonna give up and move you it is hard it's hard and like I told you someone said to me well you move to any country it's it's hard cuz you're on my family I said yes but some countries are more of a first world country you're right if you come from America everything is a second-rate country you know that's that's our Americanism you know but but you come from a country which is somewhat developed the different thing this is a very small country and for years it was a very poor country I mean they had trouble feeding people yeah now burn Hashem is a lot better but there's still a lot of poor people here what a poor people is just telling somebody you know money comes the door so coach Brown who says the reason there are phonies out there is we at least have an excuse to say well I didn't give a but the odds that when someone comes to you during her shell he's really for the odds are pretty good that's a pretty good so yeah there's a lot of poverty a lot of difficulty in fact one of the reasons I moved I was leaving Far Rockaway and mmm my oldest kid was four or something so we used to have like the playgroup would move from house to house in Chaves so one shot was at my house and the mothers come in and they're wearing mink coats and they give it to us and we're like we'll put in the bedroom we sat down at our dinette set which was a bridge table with chairs and it was very very Spartan existence compared to most of the houses that these people came from and I remember at that time I was already thinking maybe a woman I saw and I said if I stay in how much does satire in America I'm never gonna make it if I go there it's chill most people aren't making it so I'm gonna fit in very well it's it's a different mindset but what what has what has to be there for you to move here and be successful it might be so there's a lot of things but the first one I want to talk about is the mindset yeah first first you have to have a understanding of how I have to think sofe my I said in my shop it's FEMA I [Music] remember when the twin towers went down that circus I went to see her Moshe Shapiro's and homo and and he wouldn't tell anybody was listening this is the beginning of the end this is Goga mojo everything's going down that's it yeah and we don't have a lot of time so at the time I was teaching in Austin now so what I said so Rebbe you know normally a guy comes in he's not from and we slowly build him up and get him there you know I'm a slowly so stay young things should I tell them listen time's up you better become from today dig dig dig dig it out and he gave me that look that he gave me very often where if it was anybody else he would yell at him but me he knows that I can't handle that because I'm a baby so they just give me a look that means thank you thing at the end when I was leaving he said love it if I die you have to do it the way we always do it and go slow says but the difference is in your head in Old Mill Avada you have to have that in your head you have to understand that up here forget about everything else did you do but in your head you have to have the concept and oatmeal ovando huh kurdish burro who runs the world so i told you i grew up in suburbia in north america and back then it was it was very safe very safe place yeah and you could walk around i knew the stores i would do the shopping for my family the grocery shopping i do with things where i wrote around on my bicycle and and then i came to herself to learn for you and it spoke to me in a way that nothing had ever spoken to me and I remember doing Bannister I would just wander around whoosh like I would find like a street that I didn't know some area I didn't recognize and just wander around I just I just loved everything about it when I came for my second year they were rebuilding the Jewish quarter and I used to just wander around and watch what they were discovering you know the cardio Maximus which was one of the big roads in the time of the Byzantine 'im they discovered that I was there when they dug it up I still the tops of the pillars sticking out of the dirt I was just starting and I was so exciting I watched how they were building archers I watched it it was it was it just spoke to me in a way that every place I grew up never did I know I want to live here so when I got married I always know when I get married I would come for the first year and I did and I wanted to stay I didn't want to leave and I went through a blue Yoshi when I went through Sheinberg I may have told this story in the past and they told me I have to go back I was running in csy I didn't have anyone to take my place well you should have said Mitzvah I shall be a favor fine yeah sure you have to do so I went back but I always had inside of me this feeling that I felt complete in herself I did not America now I lived on a lovely suburban street in Far Rockaway and we were driving down once the street going back home and always says to me look how pretty this is yeah I can see the half-tracks coming down to round up the Jews if you think such things can happen in World War two they rounded up all the japanese-american and put them in internment if if people can make anti-semitic statements and on this and on the floor of Congress they can't even pass a resolution condemning anti-semitism and people get up again and praise Hitler no one says anything an attacks on Jews in the streets of New York and nobody's there but when they when they oppressed Rochelle I'm trying to to go and play in a playground the police over I'll run over to stop us so I I saw this back in the 1980s a I saw it inside I was afraid my wife loves crazy now having said that this is a very it's not a loving society I'll talk about that maybe next time there's problems between the Jews in Israel and other Jews in Israel without getting into the Arabs just the Jews yeah and like I said we'll talk about that but I knew I had to live here I knew this is where I have to be and that that changes everything if you feel that I have to be and all the problems are clinica those are all smaller things but if I don't have to be here it could be someplace else and live a more comfortable life then what should I do this which is a very important question so before you gotta consider alia ask yourself the question when I come to Eric's show do I feel more alive do I feel more Jewish or like the person who came to visit me once and said you really think I could give my children the same level of Jewish education that they get in Muncie no no absolutely not it's so interesting I was I was being offered a job in England once upon a time and then I want to go but my good friend rabbi yaakov back was very close to your shows itself he found out that he had a question he would look for any let's go and ask the good rabbi and he put me in his car and he drove me to rebel y'all sure you know about taking this job in England now when I came to him years earlier about going back to NCS while you were staying here he told me I had to the back so when I went there now he said to me can you guarantee your children the same level of you know in England that they get here now I didn't really know the kind of system in England at all so I was like I I don't know he says the danke remenber told me afterwards missed a mreb leadership knows what's going on in England guns fine before he would make a statement like that he told me not to go stayin harried so I said last time you told me to go back he says and you were mine so yeah that's it yeah so just like then I told you to go now I'm telling you this thing so I said well the last time the person I came with said is Himalayan to go and you said maritza so yup said now it's not either maritza stay here I'm very surprised I suppose so but but it's because you think that this is the best place for you and then all the problems a clinic I what does it make when I had my heart attack on my bypass operation I did not want to be in the hospital hospitals are fun places yeah I can tell you stories a lot of the unpleasantness that I had to deal with yeah but suffice it to say you know I didn't have much of a choice I had to be I'm at one point they weren't giving me answers what was going on and I said well that's it I'm leaving because you can't believe you could die at any time I was like okay you have my attention so you got a minute so you liked Oz well you only gospel oh you gotta be there if you feel that way better it's Jarrell I have to be in it so but if you think like yeah might be fun might be fun I'll leave you with the story it's an old joke somebody once complained that they felt that the joke was was not appropriate but it's not my joke when I when I came here in 1969 in fifth grade they were already telling this joke they said that ben-gurion passed away he got a fisherman they said do you want to go to Omaha again he says I don't know what does it look like he says come let's go and they go down began him and there's a swimming pool and there's a buffet and everybody's walking around they're having a great time but not bit what does I won't have a the big base my dish that was sitting extenders they're all sitting and learning what's the question I'll go to again all right sign all these forms sign the papers they take it down this firearm is Devils with whips of fire pitchforks you know shoveling cause this isn't what I saw the last time he says last time you were a tourist now you're an Ola - last time you were tourists now you're no immigrant so of course when you come on a tour you stay in a hotel there's a swimming ball there's a buffet but when you move here well if somebody told me when I first moved here when you move here you become called an OLAP literally been somebody who has moved up because they shell seems the highest place but there's a carbon that's called an oiler and what differentiates it from all the other carbonyls is that it's completely burned and nothing remains oh so there's a little message so first before anything else comes in all the practicalities and the lists and all these kind of things first in your mindset do I have to do this I remember I used to have kids who came to learn for a year and they want to come for a second year they asked their parents nothing the doctor now it's very median said nothing so they come to me and I did look I can't tell you if you're gonna come back for a second year or not but if you don't believe you're gonna come back for a second year just forget about it and I found this when I was running into his right kids who want to go to Eric's show my parents told them them okay no but if you say I'm going to learn in there it's Elsa but I have to work it out figure out how how I can make it happen but if it's no it's no yeah so if you say I don't know it's hard it's dusty and under the language people ruin a lot of traffic you know there's difficulties then you're right you're right it's hard it's hard a lot of people tried moving here and they they couldn't manage because it's hard so first is there has to be that I'm doing this you know it's interesting in marriage counseling there's approach where they say first divorce is not on the table because if we always have the option we can get the boys then why should I fight to the death we got leave explained once when somebody said you know you know what stood between marriage and just like living together you know why isn't that better so he says there's a rule when you lay siege to a city you have to leave one gate unprotected for people to run away he says there was some of Fortune who explained that that's it's like logical technique why because as long as I know I can run away I'm not going to stay in fight there's no place to run I have no choice yeah so he says the same thing with the marriage you have to say to yourself I'm not leaving not leave obviously if there's something that's really sick no choice but but that's a different mindset Sammy where it's show I'll see how it goes I sure would be here so so that's the first thing first thing is the mind today my father comes first my mind said if I move here is I have to live in it so not I think it might be nice might be cute may be nice lifestyle change you know it's gotta be that this is something I have to do then we could talk about what to do and what to expect but the first part is I have to live in Israel and if I have that mindset then I can overcome all the difficult isms I don't it gets much easier to to break in one run when the going gets hard okay that's it for this week if you want to find out more about the show you can go to every Lasky Tom comment you can leave a you know message you can comment on the show you could sponsor an episode and that's more or less where we are we're going to talk about this more next week I'm Debra Lasky and this is the rebel Lasky show