75: Heart of Stone

hi this is Deborah Lasky and welcome to the river allow ski show now using a new microphone this week that's the reason that my voice sounds different not because I'm sick I actually have a cold some people say I have a bad cold but I don't know what a good cold is as far as I'm concerned a cold is relatively generic so I have a cold it's nothing serious in fact this morning I had my echocardiogram and my stress test and I am as healthy as an average person which is really all I could ask for in this world because when it comes to my heart I am a slightly below average person so if I'm average that's a cause of celebration anyway we have response in this week and there's a little bit of a text here so you're gonna have to bear with me this episode is sponsored by the Chicago Hesed fund in honor of their third annual Shas for she'd oakum campaign right now I know we've heard different kinds of interesting campaigns you know Toys for Tots cars for kids but you never heard Shastra she don't get mad we all know singles were caught up in the parsha it is our responsibility to help yes it is and Shastra she'd oakum is a national initiative of the chicago hazard fund which gives singles their friends or family members a meaningful way to bring about Shido come listen to this on to b'shvat which will be in two weeks February 10th hundreds have lined him will complete trust in 24 hours in this course that clays trail should find this oh I mean wow 24 hours finished shots in 24 hours we're not gonna end up at MetLife Stadium trust me that takes seven and a half years yeah the power of limited IRA and the auspicious day of two b'shvat orphans many's husam for singles looking to find their perfect match according to the bent each guy and others I was at a wedding on to be fought between a guy whose name was Elon who married a girl named Ilana so help me it's a true story I see them from time to time so whatever I think of to be smart I always think of that so imagine that by sponsoring adopt for $100 on behalf of a single you can help harness the immense kedusha and power of limited Tyra and to b'shvat in this close Tyra and to b'shvat yeah the component profits those of you who are doing DAF Yomi I have people just finished one week already when the second week of our deaf Yomi unlined yeah so says three things are going to be soon it's tell Tyra and LM haba and all three of them are compared to trees gan eden it's as flowers defined is the land of arid feet oh sorry Gavin - in every Mon Erin's vase seven - referring to the different trees and entire is 85e right so they ovulate the trees and so it all ties into two b'shvat and so learning torah - is right yeah you get it anyway and who knows Ilan there might be an Alana out there for you you know in this case trees company anyway by surprise me I'm gonna through this again by sprouts are there 400 hours I may have a single you can help harness the kedusha and power of Lima deterrent to be shredded misko's all proceeds go directly to the Chicago has said fund and their many programs and services that help combat the of crisis and bring singles closer to the zebu gimme listen if you know anybody who's in the party shirt you know anybody who needs help and if not if you're just a person who cares about Clara and if you don't know what I mean go back to last week's podcast where you talk about having concern for other people to the point that some people we're starting to lose it anyway this is an opportunity to learn more about Shastra she took him and to sponsor a dolphins puss of a single visit the website Shas for she'd oakum dot org that's sha as for the number for just four she Duchenne Shi DD use CH I am that org and what a beautiful opportunity and we're so happy that they're sponsoring our podcast today and in the course of this tyra their program should be monthly up and through their program of classes we should find this she took him and find this evil him and then they'll be twice as many people watching the podcast you and that special someone anyway so I have to tell you that I got a lot of reaction from last week's podcast a lot of people speaking about the tuition crisis and the basic concern for Chloe's show which was I think even more of the underlying point I was trying to bring it course and I got a letter from a dear dear friend I'll mention his name just to give him a shout out the Shmuel carp he and his wife seep are a big fan old friends when I say old friends I'm talking about four decades worth of friendship and they are among the select few who came to her out to have their picture taken in front of the bookcase yeah because that is a very special opportunity something that you can share with your children a grandchild but anyway he wrote me and he said I went to your web I went to your podcast because I wanted to have advanced our to say over the Shabbos table and you would just you know complaining about the tuition crisis so I went to last year on viagra and that was the one that was called this is a show not a sheer upset you so much that you start screaming well well first of all valid point second of all I have a theory and that is if you'll go to last year parshas bow you'll see I spoke about the fact that parshas bow was my permits for parsha which means that my birthday is coming up Gilmore shot something nice anyway is that but so it could be that since pushes for a bruh I was waiting to be born you know kid towards the end set to get a little crazy you know and he starts like banging you know and writing on the wall and stuff this day I have a little claustrophobic but it could be the price is very right all those memories come back to me maybe I'd let you anyway even though I have a whole list of topics now that people want me to talk about social issues yeah I figure I should I should throw it a little tighter just for a change of pace talk about something I know you have to worry because obviously whatever I talk about at the end of the day has to be something that is going to be meaningful and I say this all the time yeah the bane of Jewish education is relevance when I talk to people around the world and I say what was frustrating about you Jewish education they say it wasn't relevant to my life it doesn't make sense everybody's had a kid who at some point says you know Rebbe up tatty dad yeah why do I need to learn this why am i learning this I don't have an ox and I'm not planning on buying what is that I don't run through the street with pitchers you know if I marry a woman will be with a ring not with a piece of silk of indeterminate value it if I divorce it will be in base then I won't throw the get from my roof into her courtyard where it catches on fire anyway but so what am i learning is for its and and forgetting about what the answer is to all of those questions the the the the frustration that is being voiced is the the search for relevance for meaning I used to teach a discovery and discovery was based on a program by our him and so they used to have at the end of discovery what they called the symposium it was based on the Hebrew program that used to end with a coda symposia and I guess we got the word from them anyway so what they would do is they put everybody Circle and they would go around then everybody could say one word that described their experience I did this for years you know and then afterwards you could go around that'll really explain why they picked that word but you had to sum it up in one word so people would say interesting nice there would always be someone clever would go discovering so clever anyway and was going around anyway one week we had this I don't know if he was is the fact but he certainly appeared to be you know a biker he big muscular guy with like you know tattoos and chase somewhat frightening and you're going around the circle it comes damn what did you think of this he goes angry well that's it I'm dead when they come around they ask everybody why they picked their word he says I'm so angry that no one ever taught me what it meant to be a Jew but I never found any relevance in it you want to hear something amazing sure you do I got a phone call from of race in Lakewood 40 years old he says I've been learning my whole life and until I heard your sheer ryb Jewish which parenthetically is based on the first two lines of Mesilla charm for those of you who would like to join the online missles charm violets just started this past week I just gave the introduction to the introduction next we're gonna be giving the introduction anyway he says until I heard you're sharing why be Jewish I didn't know why I was doing what I was doing and I'm sitting at learning coil for years and I've heard this so many times you know that people are searching for meaning searching for meaning this is the you know this is the the it should be relevant should be meaningful so I want to share with you an idea that I think is important there's Esther Marquez right Rashi says already in practice most very clearly that all of them are just introduction that Marquez Mijares when I do Marquez Mijares then the Jews are going to go free so really he could have just said the part listen that might people go or I will smite every first-born because that's the story is hell God smote the Egyptians and that's why it's called safer to smoke in case you were wondering but he's gonna smite every firstborn and they'll let us go and that would have worked so what was the idea of the Esther Marcus yeah and you see this was so important that garnish Miroku that he that he was willing to engage in what whatever it means hardening Pyro's hard to give him the ability to get through so so what was this all about and the answer is there's a there's a thrill there's a thrill in life it's an amazing thing how far can you push it okay there are people who cannot relate to this and I have nothing but the greatest respect for you when their fuel gauge shows is a quarter of a tank left they go quickly and they fill up other people way to the little light pops up other people wait till it hits the e because the little light pops up before it it's the some people wait til it goes below the e now they certainly don't want to run out of gas on the highway just wondering how far can i push this there is that tendency of people to say gee how far how far is this gonna go yeah are we gonna take this yep so when they come to Marcus R but the people say the pyro pyro the country's gonna be devastated we don't really understand what arbors all about somebody described it to me back in the 50s locust landed in Israel and they said they'd land and all years chomping Chomp Chomp Chomp Chomp Chomp Chomp Chomp you never had a group of your Sheva guys over your house you don't think about anyway they get up there's nothing left not a tree not a leaf that they eat everything everything I said why don't you swat it they said there's a gazillion of them one was bottom like unbelievable so so what do you do what do you do yeah and after that comes famine it's all the food so one of the first to explain that para was in the grip of an obsession he wasn't thinking anymore in fact the thing about our about locust is it says initially a mela that are but don't have a king what does that mean that means if you know how bees work there's a queen bee and everybody works around the queen bee and you know and everything they all have very specific jobs our prince everybody out for themselves i don't care about anybody else i just want to eat as much of that possibly can and then will fly off and find something else and it just works to my advantage that i've got a gazillion other guys with me because you know then I don't have to worry about them sweating me as do many of us so so that obsession that obsession is where pyro was he wasn't a king anymore he wasn't thinking about his people and he wasn't thinking about his kingdom he was the grips of the obsession how far is is gonna go I want to see where this is gonna take us I've lived in Israel for over thirty years it never ceases to amaze me it's just absolutely amazing yeah when the police cut but they say her efforts cross food suspicious package nobody runs over to see hey you think it's a bomb my my personal opinion is that if you think there's danger you should work the other way but you know people want to see we just had the grammarian and broke us and yummy I don't if I mention that but we have an online Duff yummy that you can join it said that if you go to the funeral you put from krishma if you're going for the mourner well why else would you go for as they say in Hebrew action as a Hebrew worked yeah that you wanna see what's going on you know there's a fascination I have been stuck on the road so many times and what later turns out to be what they call a rubber necking delay it was an accident off to the side and everybody has to slow down take a look and then keep going and I'm not that interested I've seen Exodus before I've been in accidents you know I could probably watch phone clip some of them you know I mean I have to stop on the highway it slowed down all of traffic so I can look at this accident and most of the talk that I even that interesting you know is that like you know some really dramatic accident you know is not like the time November when me and my wife flew in for my nephew's Bar Mitzvah which was in Muncie and we were driving in November and then there was a freak snowstorm and there was like a 50 car accident on the George Washington Bridge we sat in traffic for literally eight hours we couldn't get anywhere my brother figured out to take the Tappan Zee Bridge and he got up to Muncie and all the roads were closed so that was kind of disappointing you know but okay so that's really something to say you know fifty cars crashed on the George Washington Bridge it's very interesting you know what's a bunch of Jews being stuck in a car who did not expect to be stuck in the car for eight hours and took a lot of drinks along with them anyway so you worked that point out for yourself but you know there we are stuck at highway you know I was like so why cuz people have to see the fascination so relationship hero was one year right after because Esther he told somebody he said I just gotta finish says Hamid wanted to go and as a fishery Roche for permission to wipe out all the Jewish people and so he he went to make a poor to figure out which was the best month and it makes the poor and it comes out to other and when he saw it was other he was happy and says what Moshe Shapiro's its Nissan you're going to ask a festive arrows permission to wipe out the Jews and that's a whole year from now a lot of things can happen in a year what were you so happy and he said it's hard to get people to get on board with genocide there's something about wiping out men women and children that a lot of people are a little queasy with that's how the rem-pod explains what pyro was doing when he told them dote that they should kill the baby who as they were born because he was afraid that the people would reject genocide uh a general infant side of killing little children that it wouldn't go over so well and my she said give people enough time and they can get used to anything good use that evening there was a time in America when a gay relationship you could be imprisoned for at some point that law was taken away at some point the Supreme Court Park and that two men can get married today they're working to penalize religious institutions that will not perform those marriages odd katika how it how the pendulum has swung people get used to it people get used to it at the beginning it's hard and after a while it gets easier or as the governor says the first time you do a new variance in Aveiro the second time it's mutter an answer resource olanta and the third time it's a mitzvah we can't use the stuff we don't even think about it that they story first came to Hertz gel 31 years ago and 32 years ago almost 32 years and I live in a low neighborhood called heart nofe which at the time was a mixed neighborhood secular was rocky and and her ad and that's why it wasn't built the infrastructure wasn't built for you know a religious neighborhood religious neighborhood they tend to make the apartments larger they tend to leave more room for schools and for shows yeah anyway when they dedicated the neighborhood the first three buildings this guy from a Sharon Britain bus loads of people from a sharp to the dedication never and asked what are they doing hey somebody made me the buyers so most of the secular people dropped out but some had already born in you know so it was a little bit of a problem and so as happens in the mixed neighborhood the issue about people driving on Shabbats night driving a charm is you know very emotional issue anyway i first came and people were hanging up posters that said to yell Shabbos at the cars that a driving by on Shabbos nobody night on Tuesday and I had just come back I was a certified kirov monster I had just been running an csy in Long Island for nine years and I was firmly dedicated to bring you back every Jewish soul and I saw these posters and I said to the guys what are you doing this is a very negative thing it's gonna turn people off he said this is not take off huh this is McCaw meeting there are times when I see you doing something wrong and I try to explain it to you and try to encourage you to do the right thing but if I see you beating somebody to death I'm gonna scream murderer because because that's something that I have to fight against I said I appreciate that but what do you think's gonna end up happening people are just gonna get angry and there's gonna be more problems in and he said to me and I was in there it's from maybe a week he said you know what your problem is you don't care about Shabbos I don't care about Chavez I spent almost every Shabbos for the past nine years at Chabot out in my region between Circus and Pesach we had anywhere between one or two or three shovel to nib going on every Shabbos and I would go to this one or Shabbos that one Saturday night this one Sunday morning I was running around with all these things I said you how many people are sharp of Shabbos because of my efforts and and you want to say I don't care about Shabbos and he said to me pillows Shabbos doesn't bother you and I had to be honest with myself no it did not no it did not no I told the story over to somebody else that said to me oh and you think those guys were sincere you think that they read I don't know I don't really care but for me that was an eye-opening experience it's true I was living in America I see a fellow Shabbos all the time I don't even stop to think about it now I did not scream Chavez attending the course but there were times that I would see a shock on Shabbos and I would say to myself Shabbos because it's so easy to become desensitized to things Shamas yeah anyway I was there that first year and then we went back around first time and I memorized with my father-in-law at Queen's and we're working the show and okay they were cars it makes it but I saw a city bus go by and I did a double-take my father said what's the matter I said it's not different there's a bus and he said to me welcome back to the real world you know I'm spoiled I'm spoiled you know what look benching is where the siren goes off that was in America I kept waiting for the siren it never went off they don't know that they're yeah it's the kind of thing where Shabbos becomes so much more of a sensitivity to you that you become more aware of things and you have certain heightened awareness of things that you just don't even stop to realize now I ask people what's the most important thing to you in your life they'll tell me without hesitating my children I said oh you spent a lot of time with them no I'm busy what do you really the most important thing in your life conceptually they are my natural fact yeah I was suddenly actually spend where's that where's the sensitivity where's the attempt to give somebody your full attention Stephen Covey's the seven Habits of Highly Effective People says that one of them is active listening okay what's in active listening I'm on the computer looking at my emails one going yeah yeah okay okay I am this thing I can repeat everything you just said okay there that I'm listening what's the thing not the same thing as the person feels like you're listening that's by the way for some people very hard to do if you're not in person there's certain people call me on the phone and I'm not an aha guy I've never been that way you know the people on the phone ago uh-huh my wife I tell you I know it's just me when I see all the kids do when she's on the phone with kidney only I'm Greg what what is it but you know but she's like what oh my goodness oh really huh you know and I was like what happened nothing it's not she's very animated speaking on the phone I'm not and I'll because I'm concentrating on what the person is saying so there's certain people call me up and they start talk and they say anyway so I had to situate hello I said yeah I'm here anyway so I was talking to my mother because I hello no no I'm here I'm listening you know and then you have to keep saying because they all feel reassured if you're talking to somebody in in person and they're doing that there's nothing wrong with the attention that you're giving the person that it's called active listening and we just take it for granted we take conversations for granted we take everything for granted yeah so pyro went through a process of okay all the water turned the blood alright my magicians can do that frogs came let me just do that life suddenly appeared no you magicians can't do that yeah but you didn't give any Hester oh yeah something weird happened and you're taking credit for it sorry it doesn't work you know and as each one came he had to harden his heart hardened his heart there's a process of becoming inured to to life and to things and to just stop caring okay uh well yeah yeah yeah it says VFS go remove our heart of stone and give us a heart of flesh heart of stone yeah whoo whoo how do you reach a person each person doesn't care and that's why the Russia is not the last of the four sons it's the shadow Daily Show yeah because of Russia you could turn him around because he cares kids enough to fight I don't like basketball I like baseball I don't like most sports but you know I still didn't like basketball hockey somebody told me I was at a fight and a hockey game broke out you know Mikey doesn't really interest me you know football watching multi-billionaire refrigerator freezes smashing into each other it doesn't doesn't do it for me you know I was like you know baseball is fun because you have a lot of time to eat because was the time they're just talking and nothing happens you know but you know what basketball is just it's too so many people tried to get screaming and throwing it I can't think I got a headache so I don't care for basketball I wouldn't go down to Madison Square Garden and scream at the people ih out hey if somebody hates you that means that they care and the more people fighting against our it shows how much Torah means to them but apathy or just doing everything I asked somebody what are you gonna do about the problem of apathy says I don't get it's a problem it's a problem people don't care yeah so their heart becomes hard there's one shot that says that part didn't harden Parris hard to Hashem gave her the opportunity to harden his own heart and that's the amazing thing at the end the passions our era after the Magatha of Baraat Pyrrha says I'm wrong you're right yeah I'm the rush-hour mr. Sonic everything is right you guys can go and then it says pyro hardened his own heart that's it you know we were the first 5v hard to zoning out the last five I share my ardent desire the sound what it says by bird it's number seven he hardened himself because that's what happens when you get used to something and you can you you could say something hurtful you know I'm gonna think about it you do it again you do it again you do it again you know after why I never realized it there's a process of desensitization that takes place and gula is related to this amazing we have to come back to life because as part of us that's dead Goulet has to you have to bring us life you have to have to give us the ability to care again so that's that's what you see from the Marco's how pyro bit-by-bit became bored more dead how his heart became harder and harder and to finally be able to celebrate when my will come on I brought us my deaf EOP I know if I'd mentioned it so we we had the loss of a no-name Oh name is that period of time until the burial so I remember my father passed away on Shabbos and the Levite was gonna be Sunday a phrase at 11:00 when her and and I set my alarm the guns fall in the morning like I always do when the alarm went off and then I remembered I'm an ornate I can't top it I can't put on tefillin say krishma I don't wash I I don't do missus a freaky experience freaky experience and then I went into the of the year of valus and very often when questions would come up and I would ask pie skip it's very strange Chris lot of by a valence goes by him and hug him and they said to me what do you want to do and I'd say I don't want to go to surplus I'm not I don't feel like I wanted Oh sometimes it was amazing was at the end of that year that I finally felt like I'd like to go to a salon so that was that was an amazing thing I want I want to feel again there's something numbing about being a novel something yeah that's I had a girl at my house it was looking at me she had lost her father and she said I feel like I'm going it's hey I feel like I'm losing my mind I said that's called being in the year of availeth because the pain does something to you it numbs you and you have to bring yourself back to the point mol/s live are they new yeah or Allah says Rashi is from ilussion stume eyes closed now heart is closed a new circumcise our Hornet so we could feel again so that we could care again it was a process that power went through that Egypt went through I think it was bought Luther King who said if you want to keep a man of the gutter you better be prepared to stay in the gutter with him otherwise you might leave and it's Ryan takes take somebody special to kill babies yeah takes up and they after a while the only way you can do it is by becoming dumb he hardened his heart in what a shepherd says I said hardened his heart he just gave him the opportunity because you know sometimes we want to be bad Noah just it's just too much coach borrow my style bus help me be cruel help me be hard-hearted so that's what one of the ideas would get from the esophagus is that there was a process of losing humanity losing who you are and like I said given enough time people can get used to anything we just accept it that's the way it is I think was John F Kennedy who said some people look at the way the world is and ask why I look at the way the world could be and ask why not there are a lot of problems in the world we've talked about some of them talked about one of them today she doesn't Shastra she'd know from that org yeah learn all shots to be fine yeah that all of us have that opportunity some of us are going to be breaking our teeth on Buxa dried carob if it was it was to be shot nobody would ever eat that stuff and that's that and we used to love it went to school because then all your baby teeth came out and you could get good money for each one but you know there's somebody promise so many issues we have the ability to solve every problem in the world we just like the will and that's it for this week if you want to find out more about the show you can go to my website where we allow ski calm you could add comments could see my upcoming event schedule you can contact me directly somebody just wrote me and said I can't believe that you answer you know take out time to answer everybody right I try I have a long list of us backlog because the way it works is that someone sets an email and if it drops at a little window and I have to actually scroll down to find that the odds drop dramatically that I will ever see what time I sorted my inbox by like who it's from as opposed to the date and I said oh my gosh but there's a lot that Bailey after yeah but anyway you can contact me you could go to the raviolo see that comes slash live and you could be part of the basilica sharm she or him that just started a lot of fun you could go to enough Yomi which is also fun and meaningful you can go to romanovski that cop / music where you can get the reveal house Keep Calm theme song karaoke party and also we've been gonna be putting up a share a couple of ringtones that people sent us on your phone yeah and and then somebody else made one just out of me laughing which I think might be a great way to into the phone anyway and if you wanna sponsor an episode you got a rubber allows you that cop slash sponsor and that's it for this week happy birthday to myself thank you very much birthday anniversary Bar Mitzvah anniversary and to all of you sputnik's out there yeah this is a very special month I was born in Swat my father died my mother died in stride and I don't run but I came back that's the good news yeah I had I make it soon as I thought because you know after I had my heart attack so the guy who did the angiogram and the the surgeon book said that I was supposed to be dead but apparently they were wrong yeah and the words of Mark Twain reports of my death have been highly exaggerated so but obviously shrine is a very special month of us right baby and you know that this is the month of really special stuff and we'll just conclude with this thought because really we should be talking about this more maybe we'll dedicate a podcast to it but just as we go into the month of run I think it's important to share this thought Tobi's right Iggy ELA know to visit Iggy Huglin Allah or the way that I learnt it when I went to day school in English to vishva is here the Jewish Arbor Day the secular are bodacious too as far as here happy holiday that's it for this week I'm definitely Sookie and this is the revi Laskey it's the rabbi Orlovsky show torrents symptom ready to go the rabbi Orlovsky show knowledge and wisdom will help you bro lots of fun in every episode of we don't have to ride no it's the rabbi Orlovsky show a rabbi or lot skis.com go rough anytime two more it's rabbi Orlovsky show Sorenson [Music] our labs Kisho till it's time so we meet again throughout my whole lousy shot it's the raviolo ski show it's the rabbi Orlovsky [Music]