34: Just a Little Respect

hi this is Deborah Lasky welcome to the rally Orlovsky show episode 34 and I'd like to thank everybody for their warm outpouring of appreciation support for our special Pesach program it really pushed my producer to the limits to be able to get all these out every two days and we broke records some of these episodes if you add up all the numbers over 10,000 close to 10,000 I have to find out how many people and as I mentioned the past more than one person is watching at a time you know in fact here in Rochelle I am the first day of column o aid was cold and rainy so people said that's what we did we stayed home and we watched the fun mode podcast that was a that was our home OE experience for that day so vodka Shem was so nice to be able to share a place up with everybody and we're well along into the retirement out so whether you're watching on tyranny time were wherever you happen to be watching or listening to your podcast we're happy to have you and gotta be plowing ahead now through this through this man of spirit armor I first of course want to point out the tragic loss of mrs. Lori Gilbert cake it was shot and the children Poe a California and another shooting incident and it was a story which if you listen to it actually had a tremendous amount of see out the schmeyer there's always a certain there's always see a tradition layer in any situation like that sometimes we look at situations that are try and we realize how much more tragic they could have been there was a suicide bomber who blew himself up in Spyros and in Yerushalayim some years ago and the amazing thing is and there were many casualties the amazing thing is that there was a wedding hall and you wish aalayam that had collapsed and because of that inspectors went around to inspect all of the buildings in eurasia Lyon and they inspected the Spyros building and they said legally you're ok but it would really be better if you reinforce this and reinforce that and so the fellow says listen there's a lot of money but I'll do it anyway better safe than sorry so when the suicide bomber blew himself up if that hadn't happened the entire ceiling would have collapsed and many more people would have been killed so you know even in tragedy you can see you can see there's a lot to the shmaaya and there's another amazing incident to this story and that is that there were people in the shul who were from stay wrote who are on the constant missile barrage I imagine they decided to go to one of the quietest towns north of San Diego California figuring well at least here things will be quiet there was a very close of a family from South Africa who saw the crime in South Africa and decided to move to Los Angeles and suffered a home break-in and were tied up and shot and terrible things that took place and you know the answer is the answer is like a friend of ours a bee a bee was a talent of mine in or Samantha and and he was in Yerushalayim when this suicide bomber blew himself up near a cafe Ramon he got trapped on him and every one of my kids instances does it hurt so he says no but when it gets cold the nail lodged inside of me gets cold inside of me and so somebody asked him [ __ ] are you gonna go back huh and he says if there's a bullet or a nail with your name on it it doesn't matter whether you in South Africa or whether you wish a lime or they were in Los Angeles who you're in Poway California you know everybody everybody meets what's waiting for them where they're supposed to where they're supposed to meet it so mid-south sham it should be a referral aim with the people who were injured and it should be you know full of clay so in the hama and we shouldn't have to suffer these terrible tragedies ever again on the subject this this week's podcast is sponsored for the yard site the Ilia of family their donors the outsiders dollar dia and the thousands and thousands of people who are watching this podcast it should be a la neshama for this young lady and a nakami for the entire family so I guess you know this viewer is say a time and and laws of availa so observed the end listen we have to take the strength from this and we have to pick ourselves up and have to remember that we're call yourself an amazing story where someone lives almond the OtterBox son was crossing the street and a crosswalk during the week of his door to shell brokers and a bus hit him he was he was legal he was fine and so the family sitting Shiva as a Lesnick the the elderly receive of eights Khayyam comes in the base of the call with this cane and he sits down and everyone's wondering what are they gonna say a young man is gonna show up rocks looks around the room he says new about 6,000 yard day a brush to fill the belt it's about six thousand years that God is running the world welcoming that was him so surely see underlie him and he got a penny left and everybody was trying to figure out what was he trying to say finally one of the children said this is a big cash it but it's not the first caution of 6,000 years they've been a lot of caches and I coach Bronco still runs the world and they'll come a day when we'll get answers to all these questions I don't know if it's true it was one of these things going around but there is a kena that was written of the cuff Dollard cartloads of Kumari's that were burnt in in France and I did not check out the historicity of this but I was told it was right in front of notre-dame Cathedral and the my roomie Rotenberg McKenna saying spoof Abeche just as this burnt that we'll learn and when the tree Dom burnt and you think to yourself coach borrow who's got time thousand years till the till things come to but everything comes do you know eventually there'll be an answer to everything and the death of the Bar Harbor and the death of lloyd gilbert k and this this young lady who's your tightest dollar the ER and all of the sufferings of clay so they'll come a time the 24,000 tell me the very Kiva everything that's gone on all of this will make sense they'll come a day when it all makes sense for the lights will come on it's a sham we should he's able to do that very soon okay let's get down to what I wanted to tell you about today and I'll put it into context it's a story I was speaking in a camp a girl's camp many years ago and after the talk said there were girls who were lining up to talk to me and this one girl said I didn't come to you talk said okay I'm not insulted I used to teach in seminary well sometimes a girl would apologize him missing my class and I said you understand if I'm giving out ice cream and you said gee I'm so sorry I missed it you know I know you really wanted to give me the ice cream you don't apologize to me I feel bad for you you missed out on the night school I used to tell these girls I said you understand that when you go to America you know you have to pay to come and hear me so every class you come to now you make a money this is appealing to the most basic Jewish experience yeah when I was a kid we used to go way to resort hotels for vacation my wife went to bungalow colonies it's an entirely different experience yeah we one time someone lent us a muggle oh we went as a family and I quoted my brother I tell him I'm in a bungalow colony and he was like horrified he says what are you doing said sitting on the front porch listening to myself sweat yeah well we used to go to resort hotels it was a whole different experience we weren't living like refugees yeah resettlement camp but anyways so we'd be sitting in in a result and I always a kid you know you stay up late and you want to get some sleep and and seven o'clock in the morning my father was pounding on the door and he says you have to get up it's breakfast I said then I'm not hungry he said it's paid for it as you can see before the end of the meal good I can't eat another bite you know you want dessert now I can't eat it it's included ok it's painful it's painful so uh says it goes says to me I didn't of the speech I was like okay she says not only did I come to the speech I told other people had to come to your speech I said alright you know it obviously didn't effect too much so and she says not only that there are people who were buying your tapes that there's an idea how old the story is yeah for those who I'm familiar before there were downloads there were CDs before they would see these there were cassette tapes yeah I'm not going back to the LPS but anyway because I tell them that to buy your tapes I said okay yeah listen if you if you want to be upsetting me get in line and at the first and you probably won't be the last night so far as Ella what is it that upsets you so much she says cuz I heard this tape that you made called platonic relationships open parenthesis I was asked to speak at the sharkman seminary here and there it's show 25 years ago maybe and the topic of platonic relationships now you may have gotten the impression well I've been well I've been doing this podcast I don't shy away from delicate subjects and I'm not a big believer in shying away of delicate subjects because someone has to speak about them so when they asked me to speak about a topic like this to girls who obviously have issues with boys now bear in mind somebody showed me a survey of Bezier curves all across the United States what are the ten issues that girls are struggling with number one is gonna be a surprise sneeze that's right number two non-jewish music number three boys so this is a problem that affects many places yeah so they must be to come and speak about the topic I always happy to come and speak about it now there were no I wasn't selling any tapes back then there who is no internet and it was you know you could make a cassette tape and passing around I was teaching a boy sous chef at the time when I come in in the morning and the boy said wow that was some unbelievable show you gave last night I said how do you know since we got a copy the tape by the end of the week every year even seminary in Israel had that tape methacrylate tape and this was the first of my recordings to go platinum and and I understand now why because someone had to speak about this issue and since full spread with wise men do not go you know I was happy to address the topic and they dress it as directly as I could so that people who are struggling with this issue and I have met hundreds and I'm not exaggerating hundreds of people who have told me that they have made lifestyle changes because of that Shir in fact one time I met these three girls and this one girl said I heard your sheer and platonic relationships I broke up with my boyfriend second girl says me too I heard you Sharon my pleasure I forgot my boyfriend the third girl opens her purse and takes out the cassette says my mother makes me take this with me wherever I go I said where do you think about it she said I never listened to it because I was afraid if I did I would have to change my life and I don't want it by the way the platonic relationship sure is available on my website it happens to be the most popular share on the website I beside to the podcast of course but the ones that of the Sheeran that are downloaded it's the single most popular as I mentioned it was the one that went platinum so ok so she says I heard your tape on platonic relationships and you tell a story there now this story is a Rashi and avodah Zarah which is referred to as my suburi and if you've ever heard the recording you can see when I mentioned the story I said tiny story but Beria some girls start cheering that's because they came from a high school in New Jersey called Berea yeah and when I told the story they're like no I said I never talked to this wedding school anyway Berea was a tomahawk I'm the daughter of your finiman trajan one of the Asura will get Memphis and and she was married through May and every mayor said the statement from the hook on him not some Titan callus a woman's das is light whatever that means we're not going into it now and bring your left so missus okay so he tells one of us not need them to go and seduce his wife no the replica sucked you know have you asked me to do something I do it yeah now this was not gonna be easy Berea was not an easy mark the Gemara says that she was once working in the road and one of the hakumen was on horseback and said which is the road to tea party and she said to him Shaya she quoted a mission and Pirkei avos that those of us in Eretz health learned this past Shabbos and those you and Chris Lawrence will learn next Shabbos so out Arbor see Felicia you're not supposed to be talking to women he should have just said where it's Aparri that's enough and trying to schmooze me up yeah so Berger was not gonna be an easy mark yeah anyway he keeps that and he keeps at it and I don't know what he did or what he said eventually she agreed red jumps out and says you see got some technique I was saying and she killed herself now obviously we're mayor did not expect that reaction he never would have done it if he suspected that reaction anyway that's the story and I quote the story on the tape militia says girl said that's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard now I didn't write this none of the players in the story is me that movie mayor that Berea that real opinion even trajan not she not the voters oh I'm not I'm not involved in this at all I was just saying over a Raschi that's disgusting that was horrible could you say something like that I said it's not me I was just quoting a rationale she says well that's horrible why were you ready to do that says because he said over a huzzah and his wife left so what so what if she lived who cares he says he knew that she was a hokum and he could argue when he could bring her right like this thing keeping her right like that and you could say this they could say yeah but until certain things are experiential until you find yourself in that situation yeah uh-hum said you should not read by the light of a candle because you might tilt it now this has no meaning to us because our candles are paraffin but in the old days an air was what looks like a little Aladdin's lamp that was called Nair and take a look at Rashi and Truman when he describes the narrows on the menorah there like a little Aladdin's lamp and you fill it up with oil through the little you know top piece over there and you stick the wick through the little mouth where the genie comes out yeah and your stick it in over there and when it starts to sputter so the natural thing is to tilt it so that more oil will go into the well and if you do that's mostly rice so they say don't learn by the Nair because you might come to tilt it you might get involved in what you're doing and not realize it so the primeira tells us this one time I felt in our eyes now I know myself I'm not gonna do it and he was loading brain there and start to sputter and he reached for it and he caught himself before he did it and he said the statement that I heard the first time from from dr. Schroeder not in this country you know it met him the same exact words but similar there's a reason they're called sages these people were smart that's why they were called sages they knew you were in nature so that's what happened so he knew certain things unless you experience it you don't know that unless mmm unless Maria realized that even her so firm and so smart could be seduced she wouldn't believe it so she said to me so I'd said she wouldn't believe it what does it make what does it make if she doesn't understand that fuzz help that was the question she asked and I'm using that to introduce the question that I want to deal with this week and the remaining 10 minutes that I have of my podcast and that's the following 24000 Tommy deliver beekeeper dark out turn the ma Hamer whereas the Maura says twelve thousand sets twelve thousand cabooses died out why so no again cupboards Ella said they didn't give cover to each other the talmidim of rebbi akiva didn't give combat each other the after the rare for the rare [ __ ] America girdle but Tyra that was a beekeeper who said that yeah don't walk in front of me I may not follow don't walk behind me I may not lead just walk beside me and be my friend and together we shall walk in the ways of us yet I don't have the Lumia shall love your neighbor yourself super Godzilla Terry that's rebuked even you think he's telling me them didn't have have a for each other love is a strange thing because let us not confuse love with peace what do I mean by that yeah I love my kids so much I don't want to fight with him so my kid says to me I don't want it at school that's fine sweetheart you don't have to go to school I don't want to take a bed you don't have to take a bath I want to eat all the candy and all the trucks I want dad's fine I don't want to brush my teeth now I don't want to go to sleep fine we have a term for that a legal term it's called neglect and Social Services will take your kid away it's a form of abuse I just want peace I don't want to fight yeah so the answer is Shalom what's the result the relationship where people don't want to fight right I know you're wrong I know you wrote and you know that I'm wrong now there's two possibilities here agree to disagree I think that you're wrong you think that I'm wrong and that's fine that was the level of covered that the tummy demure beekeeper had for each other Jenna want to fight yeah there were 12,000 sets of cabooses and this said said we learnt the chat like this and the other one said we learned it like that and they said oh very nice you learned it your way I learned it my way you understand what the result of that is we have 12,000 thymus no no either I'm right you're wrong well I'm wrong you're right but that's it there's only two possibilities and we're gonna fight it out until we arrive at the truth because that's what you want and that's what I want and if I respect you I will argue with you and if I don't argue with you it's only because I don't respect you I will humor you the easiest people to get along with or people who don't care about your opinion I know a lot of people like that people say things to me and they they don't care what I have to say when I was younger I thought that everybody cared about what I had to say and I would share my opinion and it took me a while to realize that most people don't care what I used to teach how to answer basic questions and Judaism I'd say you have two different between what's a question what's a statement if it's a statement you don't answer it when a person says me well I think I just go oh because you don't care what I think you want me just to acknowledge your opinion no problem I hear what you're saying and sometimes people will say you hear what I'm saying and I say yes I do on rare occasions they say do you agree and I say no I don't what if they don't they don't care about my opinion and the fact that I don't argue with them between me and you is only because I don't have enough respect for them it was if I really respected them I was teaching a discovery and at that time it was like a three-day seminar and this guy came in on the second day he was so angry he goes that mayor Schuster he's a cult I said really he says yeah he says I met him and he wanted me to come to this program and I told him I can't because you know I have to go back and he says don't worry uh give me you take it out go to LL and I'll change it this is the old days when they had paper tickets you know you had to go down to actually change it he took my ticket and I don't know where he is that guy's a cult Oh said yeah yeah I hear what you're saying you know I said but here's the difference between having me at the time there was a measles outbreak in rural I'm if you can imagine I know these things hard to believe that in in this day and age such things can still happen after the vaccinations have eliminated measles but you'd be surprised so there was a measles outbreak I said so let's say I was hired by the city to offer free vaccinations and I was sitting in a little booth with a big sign saying free measles vaccinations and people were walking down the street I would sit in my booth read mind my own business if anybody wanted a shot I'd give him a shot I said if made Shuster was in that in that booth he'd follow people down the street and he'd say why aren't you vaccinated take a shot it's not gonna hurt you it's a good feel it'll protect you you know at your age measles could be fatal yeah cuz he cares about you I don't care about you that's why I wouldn't do it he says then why are you here I said the money I have no other way of making money other than by teaching Judaism I use it as a shovel to dig with as it says if you're here I'm not I'm not shy it was very honest of you to admit I said if you care about somebody you engage if you don't care you say okay Lonnegan covered zoella's that means that they didn't they didn't care enough to argue it out with each other to her they treated each other very nicely but if you really respect somebody you fight with them you argue with them you don't just humor them Ruby Mayer respected Berea too much to humor it wasn't one of those relations where the wife says I think the husband okay honey Mayer had such respect for Berea he says how could you laugh it up as out cuz you think you're the great brewery and it doesn't apply to you I'm gonna show you that it even applies to you he of course didn't expect the reaction that he got but his point was either I'm right or you're right but just to think I'm right and you think you're right and the two of us to humor each other this is a big problem the big problem especially for kids because you have two different parents who have two different philosophies about how to raise their kids and either they're gonna fight the whole time and the kids are gonna get caught in the middle or one of them is gonna just give up because they don't care enough and the parent who one parent will impose their particular parenting style and then if it turns out great great if it turns out terrible it's terrible the other parent what am I supposed to do persons not interested in what I have to say because no there's no sharing there's no engaging that's respect that's real respect if you care about somebody then you owe them at least the opportunity to be taken seriously to be able to say to them do you really think that and then you follow it through how many times does it happen to me this fellow says to me I remember 1995 there was a Shabbat illumi all across England the largest one was in Leeds University Chief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks was supposed to be there and the latest minute he canceled because the Queen asked him to attend that weekend the fiftieth anniversary of VE Day V's cause victory in Europe wasn't it was in May and so he went to attend and and so they is the largest one they canceled so they called me and asked if I would come so I called up the Queen and I sent my apologies and I went to Leeds and by Shabbos lunch this fellow sits down with me and he says you know the chief rabbi was supposed to come I said I know he says if he came I wouldn't have come and I said why is that he says because he doesn't like progressive Jews and I'm a progressive Jew and I said oh and then he said to me what do you think about progressive Jews and I said quite honestly I don't know we don't have it in America is it like reform no it's not like reform is it like conservative no it's not like conservative and it took us about 10 minutes to conclude several things one is he had no idea what progressive Judaism was except that he knew that he was one and he knew he didn't like the chief rabbi because he didn't like progressive Jews and by the end of the conversation he decided he was gonna so I keeping Shabbos in all I had to do was engage him on his viewpoints we talked about this in the pace of podcasts when we talked about the Russia will you confront him and you say yeah why why are you at the Seder you don't believe in any of this stuff why are you doing this force a person to confront what their issues are what their views are does it make sense what does at night is it logical or not I'm not saying to do it that's for shum in an aggressive manner or in a hostile manner but you do it in a way where I'm having an honest discussion with people under a certain people don't want honest discussions and then you just say oh and move on but trust me the tumbly didn't rebbi akiva could have could have engaged just like if you may engage with the brewery so there I have the replica Moka come oka you love yourself you want to be right and I hope that you're intellectually honest enough that you're willing to examine if what you're saying is correct or not and not just say that's my opinion without thinking about it now following through and that's it for this week if you want to find out more about the show please go to reverie Alaska come slash podcast if you want to find out about this particular episode we'll leave a comment that's a real Alaska calm slash podcast slash 34 if you were to find about any upcoming events rebby alaska calm slash events in fact it looks like at this point I'm going to be in the United States after Lewis so if you interested in the event you could contact me if you want just contact me in general where we allow skis.com slash contact and if you would like to sponsor an episode go to rebel SK Telecom / podcast and click on the sponsor and episode button thank you so much for listening this is Ravi Lansky and this the very last Keisha