16: The Case of the Missing Weddings

[Music] hi this is Deborah Orlowski and welcome to the rabbi Orlovsky show and whether you are listening and watching and turning time.com youtube itunes wherever you listen or watch your podcasts it is a pleasure to have you here with us and as I mentioned previously we have begun sponsorships this is the first sponsored podcast it is sponsored in memory of shmuly Goldstein shmuel ben moshe hooda the neshamah should have an Aliyah and we are sold out podcasts basically sponsorships until the middle of February so if you're interested you know you know how to do that we'll remind you at the end of the podcast what to do we got some business to talk about I mentioned that I received an email from a couple who are hearing impaired and they said that they watched this on YouTube with a captioning option and they said that because of my excellent elocution more often than not Google gets it right more often than not but not always and therefore sometimes it will be inaccurate now unfortunately because of the nature of my podcast people may not know whether it's correct or not okay I'm saying almost anything but for example instead of the word sports it wrote checks C Z and I think people check yeah instead of that's called tol dos it writes that Col co-led told us instead of Emma alcoa name it's and more Elia corny neum and you know and I know probably might be watching this thinking to themselves you know hardly anybody uses Elia corny neum corneum in casual conversation that robbery illowsky is really instead of a partial called Valle de barre it's called a partial cultivated a bear I did not say that so I got another email from somebody who said that they would be interested in helping out how can you help out the hearing Abed I'm glad you asked me that question yeah you go to any of the YouTube videos you click on the three dots if you take a look on the little screen over there at the bottom these three dots click ed translations you can then edit the captions and fix any mistakes and and our producer McHale said he will then get an email confirming it he will confirm it but please let him know if you find any really bad ones because we're collecting these for a future episode I also just want to mention upcoming events the Shabbos of February first I'm going to be in the Crowne Plaza and Connecticut doing your Shabbos for krf Tony the ad says it's almost sold out so if you want to come and join me you really should act now and then Sunday night February 3rd I'm gonna be speaking in New City in the Kahala of new city and then I've got a trip coming up the week of February 18th I have dates available then and the next week if you're interested in booking rabri alaskey live or if you want you could I could stay in the back room and we could film it and you could show it in a scream if you don't want me life and that's fine too if you really don't want me live that's gonna cost a lot more money you really want to take me out so okay well we have expanded the the world of the podcast as you know we had had a studio audience and number of people wrote and I actually wanted to be part of studio audience I said write me back you know we film actually on Mondays so write me back and we'll tell you the exact time and we never heard back from these people I hope they're all alright but you know really we in future episodes I'm sure that soon there will be no room left even for me I'll be outside are they more peasant and I'll be phoning this in so as the audience takes over the living room dining room area of my house it could be that eventually the podcast will see fit to buy me a larger house so that more people could join but that's not for me to say I'm only here for you whatever whatever I could do to service you this is podcast number 16 and it's on fashion Cicero again as we have established this is not a parish this year but you know I've done I've done some interesting things and I have something I really want to talk about this week and luckily it ties into the parsha we pre-recorded last week's two weeks in advance in order to get the Australians and you know to be able to sing their song and tie it into Barcia Shearer that was I was just absolutely brilliant on my part thank you very much but I have something I've been wanting to talk about for a month and luckily I've been saving it for partial zero because I think it's particularly significant we left miss Ryan and Rashi says become sada Lhasa ahem we didn't take any provisions with us we didn't take any food it was complete trust and I could have article yeah and he brings the pus ik come on come on shams a hearty laugh I said no right yeah I have asked Lula so are you the love of a column list if I buy me Australia each other anyway that you followed me like a collar out into the desert with that complete faith then only a collar could possibly have that she trusts this nitwit he's gonna take care of over the red there was like wash em wash em as a father and a grandfather you know so you know we've all gone through this you know yeah you know well yogi says yong-ki says oh well is yongki the bank does yong-ki know yeah but you know a color as that has that tremendous faith colors a tremendous be talkin that that she trusts she trusts that's how we found the kurdish morocco we went men women and children pregnant and nursing women everybody marched out into the desert without any food open parentheses they had the leftover moths the last of them a month yeah so but Rashi says clearly you have become saved a lost lamb the matzo that they took out the dough that they took out - bacon - Matz's clearly was not for food they ate it but that wasn't the purpose of it that's really for another shoe the the role of the of the dough that they took out of its Ryman that they baked and that they they ran out of mitzrayim is a fascinating and said I often bring this as a question to illustrate the fact that we really have no idea what we're doing we put so much emphasis on the performance of the midst of matzah without really understanding really what Matz is all about but we'll save that for another one here's an interesting thing I'm just want you know I live in Eretz shell case you haven't picked that up yet and we have only one day young TIF which is basically the reason I moved here yeah when I moved here we originally were coming for three years and we had a three-day Rosh Hashanah which meant that for been a hustler it's it's a three-day circus and the three-day Schmidty at Sarah's I said to move to Israel means leaving behind family culture country my art tsukkomi ladder company based on vehicle have to leave everything behind and the economy situation is difficulty crime terrorism or I could have another three day and if it was a no-brainer and I have no question that three day yonder was created by the Kazan in order to encourage LA yeah there's no question about it but anyway so there is an outside possibility we'll be making a second Seder here and for somebody who's from Bullards by the way - fascinating thing you know when us Israelis go to America we're not allowed to make our own minion right when I was a scholar residents at a pace of hotel and I'm available when I when I went one time - you know she's mini show paisa for us it's cold either go upstairs to my room put on my villain diamond called and come back down and you know sit through a young 50k Dominic watch me Nisha paisa but we can't make our own minion because and this becomes particularly problematic on a year like this and last year because Shmi knee shall paisa for us Israelis is regular Shabbos so we have to Lane the power you're laning a young typical one I say you like I know there were people night it's felt listening to been a hood ferrets are laning Forsch mini-show Pesach we have two lane a regular power shop and if we can't make around minion it's a little tricky how we do that but the general rule is that you can't make your own minion because losses go the dough can't break up into different groups but if you ever come tear its rel you can find second de manana all over the place nobody seems to care how come when we go to America we can't make a second a minion but when they come here Venegas let's come here they make lotsa manana so somebody asked me this question once and I said I think the answer is obvious and that is this is got to do is that it creates sinner if you break down into different groups but you know if if you're keeping yontiff and a bunch of Israelis are they're keeping cold that'll make you upset but when you come here and you keep second day and if it fills us with such a sense of pleasure such glee watching you going as clothes I just mean eat your face that's what we're eating our our pizzas you know and ashwamedh anyway but but be that as it may why am I talking about this I'm thinking about this course of Pesach Matz's yeah anyway but the point is that we followed off with complete with complete muna we come to hire c9 and we get the tiger there are literally hundreds of cos all the earth dvash was collate them literally hundreds of Hazael that compare Matt and Tyra to a wedding to a we married her cutters burrow hole caveat oh yeah you know the famous couple in hard key gigas he held the mountain of the head is a different mattress that says he held the mountain over their head like a hope hope someone asked me how could you have two hazael that are so different one it's threatening to kill you and the other one it's a marriage I said I can tell you a single anyway but he'd understand that the two are the same because you don't get married what did you have to hold the mountain over their head for they already said nice of an ish man they already accepted the tiger now you have to know that when the going gets tough you know you can't suddenly back out yeah you don't get you don't get married you know for five years with a renewable option yeah sometimes I've taught in seminaries for many years so you know at the vort there's a nice you know bright-eyed bushy-tailed cuss in there you know what the Hat gets too big for him falling down over his eyes you know I'm sitting next to him you know and I get up to speak of me after the collar you know and I say it's so beautiful Chris marriage is forever forever and forever and forever and the sweat says boy and Kyle is smiling yeah the couple named I could give you thousands that's forever that's taking a marriage you know it's not you could come home if you feel like it yeah you're obligated the obligation yeah Jackie Mason wanted every husband has to learn this you know you have to call you have to call Nicole forgot the call I have to call you know he said you can see it you walking down the street is there a phone here see a boat yeah I'm about to cross the street I'll call you when I get to the other side is that there's a sense because you know men don't always have that sense of responsibility that comes with it that's why so much easier for men to to figure out they want to get married than women because women they understand this is very long it takes guys a while to figure that out it's not an immediate observation so so it's interesting by the way I have an entire shear where if we in partials bow when we left mitzrayim it was going out to be the collar and if partially is Rho is the is the marriage then that means that parshas Pechaluk is the engagement and I have a whole share on how that is but what you see from that I said there's over ones and the guy says to me ah so the essa Marcos is the dating yes anyway but so we come we come to her scene I and hire scene I is this ceremony we were marrying Chris burro who and this is so very important avi no mal que no our father our King there are two ways that are presented to us to approach a coach Bronco one is as a servant to a king or as I once heard Robbie Fishman the machiya and Tara's mother say not a servant a slave a servant sounds like I've been hired to work here we are slaves of Odin yeah like an evident everywhere is nothing yeah we have no rights we can't ask anything so I can ever to a master we approach him with that sense of or being an American it's hard for us to really capture this the only time I really was able to appreciate it as years ago I used to go to England I was in England last May London and Manchester but but I don't know what it is I go to England and everyone tells me that I do very well there and then no one calls me in the entire country for three years anyway so so I'm I'm in England and a number of times I was in these old United synagogues now in America United synagogue is conservative but in Israel in England its its Orthodox but it's old-style it's this Cathedral type of synagogue orphan I'm generalizing but there are two types of people those are generalized in those who don't anyway but there are these Cathedral like structures you know and there are people wearing top hats you know they have a beetle I don't know if it's John Ringo which one but the beetle with a D yeah and at some point someone gets up and says you're in a house of the Lord Lord Lord please maintain the decorum and it's and it's this sense of like oh oh majesty yeah and then there's avinu like a child to a father yeah which is more of a loving dependency but it's a dependent relationship and that's also good there's a third one and that sheer sheer sheer sheer him are two lovers odka de Kock yeah I remember this story I I get from before my maternal I was 12 and I was going to - I switched from with like synagogue Yungas Road North Bellmore and I remember it was column Oh a pays off and we're reading Shira sure and this was before the world was made safe by art scroll article does not translate anything that looks you know felt missed in the episode it's past miss yet so so sure sure him is translated homolytically it does not translate it into what's actually written there because I Drago I grow drunk with your kisses you see how this may be a little uncomfortable yeah so but the old Birnbaum translations and the Santino translations they translated it literally and I was sitting in Sheol and by this point I was maybe 14 15 I was in FB T if you're not familiar with the term you know FFP is from from birth a BT is about Juba and FB t is a flaming ball julep you know these are the type of people who are on a day-to driving down the road with the doors open because they're worried about you I mean that kind of thing you know it's like real intense you know the the kind of a couple who you know the husband comes home says to his wife during you may have a mare what's for dinner and she said yesterday we had fish that's what I'm talking about you know so uh you know go out on a date and you say my name is Bosco and he says my name is Kelly ko so you know that sort of that was me somebody wants to survive an FBT walking around with a romoff looking for someone to throw it at deeply intense and religious in any event so they were reading sheer serum colloid Pesach and that Shabbos and it's literal and this 40-something fellow gives me a elbow and he says hey kid here's a good line I better grow with like this and I said sir this is scripture we were in synagogue a little respect and he says to me but I can't believe they allowed this in to the show now he was not the first one to make this observation the lemon wanted to hide away she Reshiram because it was too graphic Ramona I saw once a literature professor reviewing Shari Sherman referred to it as erotic poetry because it's so graphic it's graphic and maybe Akiva said if oldest farmer Kadesh Sherman's the cutters ha kadosh iam kadosh ha kadosh in what is the Kurdish hakudoshi the kirusha Kadosh iam is when it says in Divya Jungian that they hid Yoshio and the head raha me toes in the bedroom says Rashi the Kurdish a condition where a Kurdish barraco and Claysville come together like an ish and Isha the Gomorrah humor says Malik decorated the base of mikdash with pictures of couples embracing do not try this in your shul even if it's very liberal it doesn't go over today yeah but he wanted to send this message this is not a Mela and not a father this is a lover this is a marriage that's when her scene I ultimately is supposed to be us and I cutters berroco and Rashi says that a coach bar hole comes down to us like the husband comes to greet the caller there there's hundreds of kazow that make this reference because the ultimate relationship between us and a coach burrow who is supposed to be one of marriage and that's the reason when you think about it yeah that it says that coach burrow who comes to bilham at night like a pea leg ish what's a pea language a pure luggage is it's like a marriage it's just as no commitment yeah sometimes yes sometimes no yeah instead of by Ikra he wrote vyi car so it would sound like sometimes yes sometimes no motion remain with the beginning of via chrome and and that's the Russian used with bilham and ie car yeah and that's that's why ammo lake comes car Ichabod era yeah Russian Micra is a sham Baker Bay no Amorian is he here or is he not that's a mullick a molecular geometry is Suffolk make you think maybe he's here maybe he's not not via gravity car that's Apple I guess I was in the white show and I heard finer make the observation that didn't sound like he was mahadesh the idea but I heard it from him yeah he says we know that the numbering system of the procurement of sukima from the Christians than that from us but it can't be a coincidence that NASA vanish ma is chapter 24 verse 7 24 7 master adesh ma it's all the time it's all the time it's constant yeah so that's a marriage not a pill I guess and that has to be a relationship the reason that this is so important to me at this particular time because this is what I wanted to really speak about today I don't have a lot of time left I was in America I was by a family where they had four daughters the youngest had just come back from seminary which means the other three were older than that they were still single and the parents came to speak to me to ask me if I had any ideas for their daughters now the biggest problem I have is I know a lot of great girls I don't know too many guys yeah maybe because of my years teaching in seminary you know but but I don't and I said what about the shock on him and they said when you contact the shuttle can they give you a list of names now I'm speaking about something I don't know anything about but I have heard this from maybe I have a dozen people that a girl gets a list of names of boys and they say check it out now is it Shia cos not Shia yeah they interested not interested somebody told me and I don't know this is true I've established this more than once I hear something and I repeat it you know that there's shadow cottom that basically copy out all the names of girls from the high school yearbook and then send it to the boys so this way if he marries any of them they could say we made the suggestion yeah now my daughter's a Shug Vineet and I know that she will never set up somebody unless she meets first and gets to know them and she's had Hashem you know a successful track record but you know if you want to be a good chocolate it takes a lot of time you have to know the boy and you have to know the girl and you have to figure out why these two go together and then you have to you know talk to the couple as they're going through and see if there are problems and you have to be an active participant can't just give a list of names and I'm sitting here in a house of a very nice family from what I could tell yeah with four young ladies who are indeed oakum no suggestions now I have eight daughters so you know I feel this you know acutely this sense that the way they always put it is you know a boy gets a list a girl has to try to get on a list I just got an email today he says do you know anybody who might be interested and a 59 year old widow who makes a great chicken soup who wouldn't that doesn't say it all right I I don't know you know it's so interesting this harbors back to the first podcast and when we talked about certain problems with technology I don't know what the solution is and it could be that people will tell me no you're you you just saw the the problematic ones in fact there is tremendous you know organizations out there and things that are working etc I don't know why I know so many great girls who aren't even being ready Dylan they don't even they don't even get a suggestion and I'm not talking about people who are problematic I'm talking about girls from nice families who are attractive who are intelligent who make a pan dulce you know who and they're not getting suggestions so there's a lot of different reasons for it yeah a fellow came to meet with me once and he the problem is we are victims of our own success because he says how many people were there in your family six oh yeah I'm one of six boys so is that unusual it's very unusual everybody talked about the fact you know eight six most we went two or three kids yeah four maybe now you have can I know how our families with like seven eight nine kids I live in high nope if you only have 10 kids you're going for fertility treatments you know again that is something wrong you know people have Kanaya hurt very large families it's it's a it's a beautiful blessing he says because of that there's a pyramid he says if you go to 12th grade there's an equal number of boys and girls actually a few more the it's slightly more boys and the same thing in eleventh grade only there's more same thing in the the twelfth grade it goes down it's a pyramid he says but because socially a 23 year old wants to marry a 19 year old that means there are this many boys for this many girls and the ones in between get left out I brought this up with my Shabbos table once you know and that's what they said this problem doesn't exist but if I see them but if I see them there's an opposite problem there's too many boys yeah but I brought this in my shop stable once and I said if people married closer to their age there was a movement to try to do this yeah so the boy I had I had boys at buckle my table they said no you can't marry somebody your own age she won't respect you I said don't you think that you have enough to be respected as a person you know without having somebody who's older than you and he rolled his eyes and says you don't understand that's true I don't I don't like things don't understand never understand yeah yeah but it doesn't make a difference this is the matías system it says and the good old days everybody got married yeah the mahara used to use the money he got for shag harnessed to by his dog mean him because he could say that was the only money that really belongs to me I know for sure I heard that money yeah I'm I'm beating a dead horse and not right now but you know I have one of my backyard no I know I'm I'm I'm trotting well-trod land yeah but but the people who watch this podcast are people have a tendency to think outside of the box everybody knows somebody and we have to pull together we have to think we have to look at this as a national priority because if there are people who aren't getting married there are people who can't find somebody it is heartbreaking heartbreaking and it's easy to tell people you're too picky and it's easy to point out problems and problems and problems but the problems come afterwards you know when when the kid goes off the derrick so you go to professionals you know and they'll tell you it's because you were too strict it was because you were too lenient it's cursed you didn't spend enough times because she spent too much time it's because you were this was because here that a hundred different problems but they can only blame you because they don't know what to do with the kid you know then so so it's easy to turn around to the person and say well you must be single because X Y or Z the answer is what an unbelievable Mitzvah for us to be able to make this Kasia how could a pharaoh who spends all day making Zhu si vous game which means that the people are out there we just have to be the SH Lea to bring this into reality so again I don't i'm not i'm not good at suggestion i got good at solutions yeah you know they say if you're not part they say if you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem you know i say if you're not part of the solution you're a rebel you're lucky yeah i i'm happy to to point this out because it's heartbreaking I don't know what to do but there's no reason that we can't join together to be able to come up with ideas of how to solve this problem and a merits Shem when we make that Z bug we're making that Ziva between Shimon virus were making that Z bug between a college bar or higher self we're building a bias naman BSL Carter could Korea's yam soup making a of his cooker Chris Urmson Astrid Moshe Shapiro's what's so hard about that he says because Chris yam so if you had to create a place where there was no place under the sea you don't live under the sea and when we make a new home we have to make a new place in reality in in the world for this base that would be SL alibi that'll be a coach baroque was problem to find the space our problem has got to be to see it as an imperative on our part to see that this goes through and a massage sham with CI to the shmaaya we can be the Schleyer of a cottage burrow hole that's it for this week if you want to find out more about the show you can go to every Olaf ski calm slash podcast if you want to find out about this particular episode where we allow ski calm slash podcast slash 16 if you want to find about upcoming events for real Alaska calm slash events if you want to contact me Ravi Olaf ski calm slash contact if you want to contact the producer you can go to River Alaska calm slash contact and right at the beginning attention producer and if you want to sponsor an episode as I mentioned where we are sponsored for the next four episodes go to Alaska dot-com slash podcast and click on sponsor an episode and you'll have this course of being able to participate and being able to spread all this good I I'm afraid to say good tire because then I'll get the trouble if I don't but all these good words good news and good night [Music]