Rabbi David Orlofsky: Preparing for Rosh Hashanah with Yiboneh and Hidabrut

[Music] anyway I've been writing furiously uh the whole time and I have most of my shopping list ready for Rashana because uh we have to get ready for Rashana Rashana is coming [Music] yeah a famous story The the sings and the re faints so the king is here yeah now I can't speak for everybody but I I think this one fellow said it best to me when he said I would like to go to sleep and wake up after suus you know there's something about the experience that is less than thrilling for a lot of people I not everybody some people just just can't get over seeing a fish head on their table and that alone is enough to send people you know over the edge but but for a lot of people myself I grew up you know in nice Suburban Long Island and and Sh Kipper my father used to drag us to the uh to to the shore and uh we had a kazin and the kazin would be singing up front [Applause] [Music] and I would be moving my foot from one side to the other I can't take any more of this you know think I can go to the bathroom again you know the last time my father sent somebody to find me you know so uh you just sit there and you count the pages basically you know 800 Pages I'm never going to make it you know and at one point I realized half of them are in English it's only 400 Pages we'll be out of here in no time you know let me see he just spent 15 minutes on this word not don't think we go home to kanah you know but the idea was that if you could stay in Shore long enough and listen to the kazin so God felt so bad for you he forgave all your sins you know you don't have to go to hell you've already been there you know what I mean that's that was the attitude and it was just an endurance thing can you get through Russia sh that was the thing then you get older and you start actually reading the prayers and it gets much worse you realize the endurance that was the best part now it really turns bad you know we come to the of tokef this is very important I know cuz my father would always say where's the place I never knew where the place was because every caner has this trick where they F spend 15 minutes on a word then they go and you're flipping Pages you know and this you say only an alternate Tuesdays and you don't know where it is and we had one of those page counters in my show that we put up what the page was but Russ sha usually came out around World Series time in America uh for those of you who are not from America um there's a sport called baseball it's similar to Cricket you know only it's not as uh fast moving and um basically just to give you an idea what it means to be an American two American baseball teams play each other and we call it the World Series you know the World Cup everybody in the world plays soccer nobody in America cares you know what I mean but the World Series you know say you know so they would put up the score instead 422 you know and that was it you you didn't turn the page unless someone got a home run you know so my father would say follow along with this it's very important and would listen to the kazen and he would sing this this was very traumatic who will live and who will die now there was a subtle message there and I don't know if you picked it up one of the beautiful things about konus is being able to convey ideas with music but of course we understood what he was saying someone might live but you're going to die and the choir goes die die die die die I was a teenager I remember thinking to myself I'm gonna die wow what a bummer you know but it's not over yet now you get to pick the way you're going to go who by fire and who by water I don't know fire is kind of hot you know could probably tread water for a while you know who by by sword and who by storm I Saw The Wizard of Oz that worked out pretty well you know we'll go with the storm maybe who by earthquake and who by pestilence I don't know what is pestilence never heard of we'll take the pestilence Bob but the idea of rashash seems to be that you're going to die a horrible death because God hates you you mis of all Sinners unless you repent repent throw yourself on the ground and cry and beg and then you could get off with this serious illness and this is the happy joyous time of rashash Shana you see people with the apple and honey you know what's it for for a sweet year how does it look doesn't look too good you know yum Kipper I was dressed up in a suit it's was like a Wednesday I'm going to going to sh you know a non-jewish friend says Dave where you going old dressed up I said I have to go to synagogue today he says it's not Saturday I said no it's a special holiday we fast and we go to synagogue and we afflict ourselves why of course I'm evil oh all right will I see you tomorrow I have no idea any word on the pestilence oh I should have taken earthquake what was I thinking you know what I mean somebody once pointed out when you consider that most Jews only went to synagogue on the high holidays are you surprised that there was such a high assimilation rate this was it it was it was the caner and toning various ways you're going to die evil and pennant do penin and it's you know it's such a rough time to be able to to do it so when you come to r i i i don't know people who really like looking forward to it it's it's the days of awe you know the days of fear the Angels tremble this is this doesn't never worked for me never worked for me that that that whole message did not work for me so I'm going to try this evening to present a slightly different approach to Russia Shana and everything that I'm saying is sourced and I will either bring the sources or make up one on the spot because I don't think anyone's going to check me but anyway but uh I I will Source it just so you know what it is I got to be careful because the last time I spoke here uh for a different event but it was right in the shore the next night I had a heart attack so I got to be careful yeah this run really pushed me over the edge so I'm trying to be a little bit more lowkey tonight you know because you know you got to got to make get through the holidays anyway so um so I want to how do we prepare and that's the thing we have to prepare people walk in Foria chauffeur and you hear them blow the chauffeur and the chauffeur is supposed to wake us up and it's supposed to change our attitude to life and let's face it most people are just watch and saying I don't think he's going to make it you know what I mean he's turning red boy that guy looks pretty big do they have a substitute they can bring in like a relief picture or something like you know cuz he's looking pretty bad you know and when you start hearing the sputter [Music] and I like oh my God we'll never get out of here you know I got a fish head waiting for me you know what I mean you know so uh you know does it have that magic of course not because we don't prepare we're not ready you know I sit down with my kids before rash and we go through the Mak we go through the whole thing and I explain to them what's going to happen what it means what it says otherwise you're walking in unprepared it's a it's a a sad situation because you're trying to find meaning in something you don't know how let's face it you know I can't speak for anybody here but I remember you know the first time you go to the cotel so you have this Hollywood image you're going to approach the wall and the clouds will part and a ray of sun will shine on you and the angels will sing and you'll touch the wall and connect with thousands of years of history or not because it's just too much that you have invested in this and when you get there between me and you it looks an awful lot like a wall an old wall granted but still a wall and you're standing there trying to get the inspiration and the guy next to you he's crying and you're like I don't know what's wrong with him I'm I'm moving over here you know and I gave you money already get out of here you know I say wonder what this guy wants you know like think it's in French anyway you know you know you're waiting for the inspiration but you know there's got to be preparation the time of the Bas of mikdash in the second temple there was an area outside of Jerusalem where you had to sit and meditate before you walked in you couldn't just walk into J 1969 January 1969 a year and a half after The Six Day War which according to my revised biography was 15 years after I was before I was born but uh but in my old biography i f if Superman can have a reboot so can I but anyway so I came my parents brought us to Israel you know the three youngest boys and um and it was it was a secular tour you know and we're going up the winding Babble wad I mean they just opened it up again after a year and a half and it said this you know I mean people who who don't appreciate what the road looks like now you know what I mean it's like it's like a highway it was this Winding Road you know RAB left he should have a fulla you know he used to tell the story he was driving with a taxi driver on this road you know and he's and he's zooming along and he says huh do you have roads like this in America he says yeah we call them one way you know what I mean but it's just torturous and he stops and he says everybody off the bus Jews don't walk into Jerusalem I don't ride into Jerusalem they walk was all we all secular Jews we all got off the bus and we walked in until you come to that little planting they used to have over there you know with the flowers and I walked in and I remember that's how you walk into J it's now years later and every time I coming to I remember that first time if you don't have some preparation it's it's very difficult so we're going to walk into rashash and try to make it meaningful title bound the he said shk once yeah um it says about erem the eyes of God are upon it may sh so he says from the beginning of the year till the end of a year it should have been from the beginning of the year till the end of the year and he said because every year we think this is going to be the year and it just turns out to be a year yeah and it's true and it's an opportunity that comes along once a year that we could take advantage of but we really don't know how so I'm going to give you the first step in the process and we have less than a week left it is set up that the month of el is dedicated to the preparation of rash who is he it's a wonderful wonderful collection of his talks if you ever want to see it in Hebrew there isn't one that I've ever read that didn't have meaning to me and he says the following what is our preparation during L for Rashana I'm supposed to spend a month preparing how he says the Bas yose brings down uh I think it's originally from the r but I'm not sure yeah El is the Ros it's the acronym of a andam and Song of Songs Lee I am for my beloved and my beloved is for me says sh that's not just a cute little device that is the the most important part of ell you are supposed to spend an entire month focusing on the fact that God loves me I cannot tell you how many times I've said this and people say I never heard that I heard God is uh disappointed in me I've heard God is angry with me I heard God is waiting for me till my dying day and if I if I change then he will welcome me into his Embrace and if not he will cast me into the pit of Hell In order to help me there's a bright and cheery thought yeah but that he loves me you loved us you chose us with love there's this know we don't we don't realize that I ask this to people all the time how how many people think that God loves them so people already know that question enough they've heard enough times they like yeah yeah God loves me so I I have to change the question I said do you think God likes you yeah you know I guess you know I said let me ask you a different question do you think God is impressed with you yeah right that's a hard one impressed with me do you think he looks at me and goes wow I'm lucky I have you in this world yeah how many people can really say that how many people do I speak to when I I hear I don't think God cares if I live or die if I died tomorrow I don't think it would make a difference to God I said don't make a mistake there is no shortage of ways that God has to get rid of you so if you're still here it's because he wants you here and anytime he doesn't you'll know cuz when you wake up the morning and you're dead it changes your whole day you understand you know I really felt that that way when I had had my heart attack I didn't know it was a heart attack I thought it was pneumonia cuz I was coughing terribly and um and they it was my my grandson Shalom Z and I just went into this terrible fit and I felt the pain and they came the ofes and They Carried me carried me away to sh sedc and they did an x-ray and they said you have pneumonia you know and they did a blood test and according to the blood test it appears that I had had a heart attack it was something that was open for discussion I'm not really sure why cuz this is pretty definitive but you know we think you might have had a heart attack you know that very nice so uh they schedule an angiogram during my grandson's bris I'm lying at the table doing angr and when I'm done the guy looks at me and says I don't know how you're still alive he says two of your arteries are completely blocked one is 70% blocked you're getting about 10% blood flow to the heart it's not enough to keep you alive I don't know what you're living on the surgeon who's the head of uh Jackie Mason says every Jew only gets head of the hospital you know the head of the how many heads of the hospital can there be so he does the surgery and he told my wife afterwards um says I couldn't even find the artery it had collapsed into the heart I couldn't even bypass it I had to just by experience it lucky it had me because most people would not have known what to do he says I just by by sense figured out where it should have been and was able to remove it from the heart in order to bypass it you know he says and after I bypassed it he says he says the heart turned nice shade of pink when I told the story over people said what color was it beforehand I said I don't know it's a good question I didn't think they ask that at the time you know what I mean so here's two doctors who said to me you shouldn't even be alive so came next rash this past rashash people said to me what do you want I said just a better year than last year they said to me you fetch you should have been dead twice God saved you and all you can do is complain you know what I mean I didn't look at it from that point of view you know cuz we look at it and we say uh God must be angry at me must be disappointed with me and that no he's obviously decided that I still have something to do he brought me back from the dead you understand if you're in this world every single day that you wake up it means that God says I want you in this world there's something you can do that nobody else can do and that's why you're here we don't believe it you know we have this this idea that God's going to burn us in Hell there's no hell not in the Christian sense I'm sorry to disappoint you I said this over on to a group of Yeshiva guys and says don't tell me there's no hell that's the only reason I get up in the morning and go to SCH I said we'll open a special section for you you understand I said what do you think there's fire they're going to burn you you're a soul you can't burn a soul if you're worried save up your money invest in cyrogenic they'll wrap you in aluminum foils stick you in the freezer you could check every now and then there's no there's no fire there's no burning I said the fire the fire is just a marshall it's just a a an example to explain to us different aspects of what we're going to have to face at the end of our lives but but God's going to burn us and how the fact that people have this image is only because we haven't done well enough in our Jewish Education you know and uh and so much of the foundation is not there I need I need a month to focus on the fact that God loves me you understand why it's so obvious could you imagine I walk in to a court case and there's the the judge I know I'm guilty he knows I'm guilty with the evidence is right there you know and I look at him and I don't think he likes me so let's just cut to the execution not waste our time wasting the Public's money with with uh with with a trial how can I walk into Rashana if I don't believe that God loves me is there Judgment of course there is in every relationship there's judgment people don't realize this because so many of our words are translated from Christian sources you did a sin and therefore you have you're going to be punished unless you repent you know that's not what these things are we do a what's a says yeah is from the Hebrew [Music] word when I shoot an arrow and I miss missed the target M I did a in every relationship I make mistakes nobody is perfect my wife got the last one that's it and I have to remind her all the time because she doesn't believe me but anyway but nobody's perfect we'll make mistakes we'll say something hurtful we'll do something inconsiderate everybody makes a mistake it's a hate so what do you do what do you do if a good friend really hurts you I've asked this question to people what what do you do if a good friend really hurts you so they say well I want him to apologize and I want him to mean it because we all know that when we tell somebody I'm really upset and gu okay fine sorry you happy no I'm not happy yeah I feel like he's sincere I'm sorry and I won't do it again and I'll tell you the truth it'll take a little while for me to earn back that trust but if I see like you know he he he or she doesn't do it again then I would really be able to forgive them with a full heart those are the r B's steps of chuva say what you did wrong take upon yourself not to do it again you know if you if you did anything wrong make it up and don't do it the future that's it that's called Chua because chuva does not mean repentance repentance was that scene in that wonderful theological work Monty Python and the Holy Grail where the monks are walking around with these boards o e o i recre boom and they're just slamming themselves in the head with these boards as they March along you know it's based on a historical thing the flagellant used to go and beat themselves until they bled you know I mean that's that's that's not chuva that's that's might be repentance chuva means to come back sometimes in our relationships we make mistakes and we drift and chuva is a chance means let's get back together that's all it is let's let's put the baggage behind us let's deal with whatever it is and let's move on and that's the whole purpose of Rashana and Yumer is for us to rebuild the relationship that we may have damaged at times but that's it that's what we're supposed to be doing so we only have we have less than a week left and we have to do that work God loves me I asked this to somebody once I said how do you picture God he says a big frowning face in the sky saying I'm I'm going to get you I said you're not so bad he goes I know but I feel like other people have excuses and I don't somebody said to me I picture God standing on a mountain with a lightning bolt I said that's Zeus I said you're not even into monotheism yet you know I mean I'm still got the Gods on Mount Olympus you know I mean God doesn't do that it says god holds out his hand and he waits for you and he reaches out to you they had these great Billboards white with black writing it was signed by God I don't think he had actually took them out but someone did it on his behalf they had different kind of quotes cute quotes I wrote a book why don't you read it God you know stuff like this there was one that made such an impression on me it said but I believe in you people always worried whether they believe in God and God says but I believe in you if you're here it's because there's something you can do in this world that nobody else can do and that's why he has you here because he believes in you I want to tell you better than that people get real bummed out it's a day of judgment do you understand that there there's a day of judgment there's always a trial before the trial there's a pre-trial hearing to see whether or not you're competent to stand trial and the fact that there is a Russ sh Yad it means God says I can judge you because you are capable you're somebody who uh is worthwhile and can do great things and let's see I'll tell you with the big problem comes in the problem comes in that people say yeah but I know I've done so many bad things you're right but you've also done so many good things you just don't give yourself any credit for those although it's true that I haven't done everything it doesn't mean that I haven't done anything and that's what rashash is for rashash is for the fact that I am a good person and God Believes In Me and so I'm going to go into Rashana and I have to be able to be prepared to face it and the way that you face it is by looking at myself and saying God loves me and I'm a good worthwhile person okay so that's the background mindset and it's easier said than done very often times I say things and people say to me easier said than done and I say everything is easier said than done except kishma which is just as easy to say it as it is to do it but with the exception of that you're right everything's easier said than done but this is a mindset it's got I got to change we we tend to look at you know at Judaism as I eat a matah I shake aula you don't do something the the most important thing is up here it's a mindset it's an approach and God gets so much bad press you know somebody said to me once how come God does so many bad things to me I said he doesn't he does so many good things but you take credit for that you know you know when you're driving and you do something stupid and you almost get into an accident and you know it's an accident because time slows down and you're like oh no and then suddenly like you know you just missed the guy what do you say I'm such a great driver and the one time that you get into an accident why wasn't God there for me because we only we only you know blame God when things go wrong we don't give them credit when things go right so God does lots of good stuff for us God believes in us and we have to understand that and know it okay practical yeah so what do I do it's such a such a problem you know people love to talk about ideas but to turn that into a reality so what do I do so let's take a look at practical steps I am borrowing salant he calls them four steps but they're really three steps the fourth step is just a method to make the other three steps work um similar to Steven kovi and The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People the last habit is to take time and work on the other habits so you know so the the fourth one is you know is really part of the other three step number one is figure out who you want to be at the end of your life this is an amazing thing you know most people never do this you know I was talking to a group of uh guys in their 20s about marriage and I said you know when you get married you have to make sure that you know what your goals in life are does anybody here yet know what their goal is in life and a guy raised his hand he says I do I said what's your goal in life he says I'm going to be a dentist I said that's not your going life he said sure it is I said no it's not he says I'm in dental school I said I'll prove it to you he says go ahead I said you're 80 90 100 years old you're on your deathbed they're writing your eulogy you listen in he was a dentist he filled many cavities he removed many impacted teeth he was especially good with molers the guy says stop I said no I'm getting to the best part your Tombstone is a big tooth and it says here lies a dentist yeah so the guy says no you misunderstood I didn't mean my goal in life is to be a dentist I mean I plan on earning my living from Dentistry I said oh that's not your goal right what is your goal says I hav the slightest idea whenever anyone asked me that question I said I want to be a dentist and everyone said good for you cuz that's what we do we plan our lives to about you know 40 you know go to university get a profession get a job make money get married buy a house have kids 4045 you have everything what do you do now now you get old and die that's it we have nothing else for you to do some people play twice they get another family they get another job they go around the board two times get another house you know me you know there's enough time go around twice you know you know most people don't do that they just have midlife crisises have you seen people go through it's not pretty luckily I have never matured so I never had my midlife crisis but I watch people who do they suddenly wake up and they're like I'm 45 and I'm an accountant I live in the suburbs did I ever want to marry this person did I ever want to be an accountant what am I going to do I'm going to find myself get themselves a sports car but they're not so flexible they can't really get into it you know you ever see these people on the Dance Floor you know what I'm talking about barely alive barely alive Ah that's a great move it's my back I can't move and you see these people walk around you know trying to be happening when it's obvious that they happened a long time ago you know and it's kind of depressing and eventually they give it up and they're just content to be old they start wearing their trousers up to here get the orthopedic sneakers take about 10 minutes to sit down I I've been using that joke for so many years I was with a friend of mine and we're both going to sit down like this I was like oh my gosh I I finally became my own joke anyway but uh you know and that's it and what do you do mostly fall asleep all the time reading the paper watching TV in the middle of a conversation you're always falling asleep and you always deny it no I'm not sleeping I wish I could sleep I'm up all night whenever you see them they're sleeping and they're always denying it and so it goes until you reach my mother's age she'll live and be well she's going to be 888 in November you reach the ultimate status symbol which is comparing medications with other elderly people do you take this I take it too how much yeah I take 60 I'm sicker than you and that's it the more Medical Science struggles to Keep Us Alive you know what I mean oh we plan on our lives to like 40 45 when I was growing up somebody who was 70 was ancient you know what I mean you almost never saw anyone in their 80s today you see people in their 90s playing tennis you know what I mean running around and stuff the people in this room just the way science is going will live to 100 without any trouble and we plan our lives till 4045 who do you want to be at the end of your life when I'm a 100 and dream dreams you know we live in a society which try to steal our dreams I grew up you know in the 60s and the 70s not not really I was born in uh 1982 according to my new biography but when when in my last you know when I was in you know I remember Cat Stevens before he was a Muslim you know what I mean and he used to sing this song Father and Son they remade it later you know so but um but it was like so it was my generation just get them blood boiling you know the father would sing it's not time to make a change settle down take it easy you're still young that's your fault there's so much you have to learn F get a job find a girl if you want you may marry you will still be here tomorrow but your dreams may not o they're trying to steal our dreams and then some we go how can I try to explain what I do he turns that's not so important but but the point is just I spend so much time as a kid on my Cat Stevens in M day anyway gosh I wish I could do Bob Dylan but anyway but uh the the idea of you'll be here Tom but you won't have any more dreams people want to take away your dreams be practical don't worry about your dreams no dream dreams get a picture of who you want to be at the end of your life and I don't care how how Wild you think it's going to be I can do exceptional things I can do great things in this world we just keep telling ourselves that we can't we always speak about thear right the evil inclination the Satan any way name you want to use for him yeah people think he wants to get you to sin he doesn't that's small stuff he wants you to believe that what you do doesn't make a difference because if you believe you don't make a difference you won't even try and you'll say who cares when we when we go into DAV right does anybody believe that you have the power when you pray to bring mhia when you get names of people who are sick and you die for them do you really believe God's going to listen to you and heal them I do why not you know I'm no better or worse than anybody else in this room all right maybe worse but uh but you know God gave me the power of prayer so I pray for people that they should have children that people should get married and that people should you know find a job and I I pray for whatever I can why shouldn't God answer my prayers you know I'm not a saint so what the people in this room don't appreciate it but the fact that anybody today is still a Jew after 2,000 years of everyone trying to kill us and drive us away do you have any idea what that's worth I understand how valuable that is it's unbelievable thing you think a k doesn't listen to your prayers and think God doesn't care what you have to say you're making a terrible mistake so I have to know that I have the ability to do it so who do I want to be at the end of my life and and come up with a picture you know it's an amazing thing you know when I was sitting shiver for my father and I'm one of six boys of whom I'm the quietest so there was no room for all of us so I sat in the basement and one of my other brothers sat in the basement and you know you hear people telling the same stories and at one point when I was quiet he said to me you know Dad ran a flower shop for 50 years no nobody came to talk about that they talked about this act of kindness and this this you know Act of Charity and nobody came to talk about what he spent most of his life doing and my brother looked at me and he said most of what we do in life is not remembered after we're gone and I said the difference between living an average life and an exceptional life is making most of your life those moments and therefore everybody wants to have lived a meaningful life they don't actually live one but they want to have lived one nobody wants them to tell the truth at their funeral you know I have you ever gone to a funeral where they tell the truth is it's so depressing Harry loves cigars am I right do you ever see Harry without a cigar you know and he'd read the newspaper from cover to cover every morning and he'd have a scotch and none of this fancy stuff he was a single mole he was not a single he was a regular Shivers guy and and he's lying there he saying there must be something else you can think of you know I mean this is it they're going to put a box of cigars on my gravestone you know what I mean like that's it everybody a mafia Hitman wants to be remembered well what do you think they say over at the funeral you know Vinnie he was a great killer he killed lots of people and always in creative ways I remember one time you know they're not going to say that they're going to say Vinnie was a good friend Vinnie was loyal Vinnie was good to his mother you know what I mean like they'll come up with something good because everybody wants to remember themselves as having lad but if we don't even have a plan if you don't know where you're going you'll never get there so Step One is who do I want to be at the end of my life not next year not 10 years at the end of my life trust me when you reach the age that you tell time by decades you know when you're a kid you count weeks you know baby weeks months it's 18 months you know you count years now when you reach the point when I was in my 20s when I was in my 30s when I was in my 40s let's stop there but uh you know you count by decades a different perspective who do I want to be at the end of my life 100 110 120 go all the way down and dream the dreams that's step number one step number two is and this is probably the hardest step take on three small things for this coming year but small you know what what I mean by small I mean that when you write them down and you look at them you say that's nothing perfect that's what they should be why because every year people make New Year's resolutions I'm going to lose weight and I'm going to exercise and I'm going to this I'm going to that and next comes the next New Year's they make the same list after while they just you know photocopy it and every year just change the date they never accomplish anything why because it's unrealistic we always unrealistic goals for ourselves you ever see people uh you know uh starting to get into exercise you know so they they tell them take it easy take it slow you know just do just do 10 minutes on the treadmill they're like oh 10 minutes I could I could do 15 they do 15 I go for another five they do 20 they fall on the floor they go I'm dead I can never do I told you I can't exercise yeah because you did something that was too much do something little Rak who is Riva ponich very famous well-known wrer righteous man he said one year what did he take on for the coming year that on shabas when he benches at the end of the meal he'll make sure and use a bencher and he won't do it by heart on shabas that was his Caba for the next year make small things and people say to me well this is nothing I could do it easily great so you will change three things over the course of this year but more than that is you will convince yourself that you can there are three categories in your life things that you could change easily things that you just can't change now you know or things that you could change with effort and things you just can't do now and whenever anybody picks things to choose they always take the third category you know you can't do it so you're just setting yourself up for failure and every time we try to change we turn around and say see I can't change take something easy that you know you will succeed at and if you do you will have successfully change that's all that we have to do we just have to make a change something small for this coming year and like I say this is where people go wrong step number three is take something a little bit harder not from category three category two category one that you're going to do between rashash and Yim Kipper just one little thing why I'm going to fool God okay um gentlemen not so much gentlemen get ready for a you know a s and they change their tie maybe they change their shoes it's really it's not it's not a dramatic thing you know women getting ready for a Simka they have to have a team of crack professionals come in and put them together someone does the hair and someone does the nails and someone does the makeup and they know and they have to be sewn into the dress you know so that they they can't exhale you know what I mean you know all so that they look really great for that picture the photographer takes with the rose and that's it then they go home and they you know could cut themselves out of the dress and they throw themselves on the floor and they're like you know but they look so great that night well why is that what what is that picture that picture goes on the mantle piece and then one morning in the winter you're wearing a house coat you know and fuzzy slippers in the shape of an animal you know you have no makeup you got a coffee you know like industrial strength you know and you're slouched you shuffling along you look at yourself in the mirror and you want to to shoot yourself you know what I mean then you pass the picture on the mantle piece with the rose and you say I can't believe I ever looked that good and the answer is you always look that good you just don't take the time to put yourself together all the time that's what a cha is for it's the first week of the year two days for sh and Yuma leaves you a week in the middle the first week of the year Dress for Success look as good as you can take one extra thing and say huh I'm not ready to do it yet I'm not ready to make this change that's why I think it's so great when they when they do SAS you know so like normally you go 7 o00 now you have to go 6:30 you know and you know my wife will say to me well why don't you go every morning at 6:30 you know you have an extra half hour in the day I said I could but I will die that's all I just I can't do this every morning you know I said I am doing it through the magic of caffeine I don't even drink coffee I just have a drip caffeine drip but right into my bloodstream you know you have so much when you go to sleep at night you just lie there like this you know you can't even fall asleep you know but um but you can push yourself for a week I can't do it all the time I'm not ready to do it all the time but I can push myself and remind myself I'm better than I am and he ends with the following he says it says canel the simple meaning is acquire a friend but a is also a read they used to use that as a pen I know this is hard to believe but until the 1960s they did not have ballpoint pens yeah you had to take a quill and put it in in uh you know ink and write it if they didn't have a quill so they had a pen had a little storage with ink and you had to write it and you had to blot it when my mother went to school every table had a little ink well and that's how you wrote I didn't come out with bups so K the the Reed the quill is your friend he says write it down don't leave this in the world of ideas take some time between now and rashash and sit down by yourself and say write it out who do I want to be the end of my life well what do I want them to say at my eulogy what is the life that I want to have looked back on Steven kovi actually says this as one of his things he says write your own personal mission statement what do I want to be at the end of my life then write down what I'm going to do for this coming year three things and if they look like they're too hard or they're too challenging change them come up with something really easy I can't pick because every single person has to do their own thing you know but you know someone said give me an example of something that's really easy I said put it Stucker box next to your bed and every night before you go to sleep put in a coin can you do that I like yeah what's the big deal good there's one now we understand each other yeah something small yeah write them down write down the one thing you're going to do for a s chuba and now you have a plan I gave somebody a ride before yum Kipper and uh he says to me every year I tell God I'm sorry and then I do the same things over again why should he forgive me I said you're right he shouldn't nobody wants to hear that AR ofun Kipper you know so he says what do I do I said you could be on the verge of bankruptcy and the banks will lend you money why because you have a recovery plan you have a plan if you have a plan then you can do something this is the plan and if we follow this plan then we can now just to explain how things are going to work over here you know um uh I'm coming on to the end of my 45 minutes so the last 15 minutes are supposed to be for you know question and answers so I'm going to give a dramatic closing and then there'll be tremendous Applause and then we'll have the question answer but I'll you know I'll look surprised yeah okay and so if we follow this plan then we can as the said and make this year not a year but make this year the year the Year where we become new people thank you very [Applause] much thank you that's that's really not necessary but um I'm not proud anyway but as they say in the story of korak we're going to throw up in the floor and um and if there are any questions I would do the best I can to answer them or to tell an irrelevant story which is what they teach me in Rabbi school so um any any questions on anything we've talked about or anything else really yes the question is um that I noticed that right before rosashana I am a little bit worse than normal um I mean that's what I feel um so for example there was like this car standing on the on the uh the place where you have to cross and I was with my son and um he's on his little bicycle and he's trying it out so I wanted to cross it was green um and the man I said so I knocked on his car and I said um could you go backward and he says no so I said could you please go backward and he said no I said what is that to stand here like you know are you just thinking about yourself and you know and like I had a similar situation um with a taxi driver I said what's going on you told me this is a better route like now you're taking me this route and I have to pay more money um it takes me longer and I'm on my way to a project and like I'm coming late and what's going on here you know and he actually stayed very calm which was very nice but but I'm thinking to myself the taxi driver and I like thank God we we parted in a nice way but the other man he he refused to to go back and and he left and I and we left and that was it so you know and what can you do about that right right so there's two points to make one point is that I had a friend of mine who always gets depressed on sukus because since there's a Mitzvah to be happy he can't handle the pressure and I know people who have no problem pulling an all nighter they stay up all night all the time until and then they're fallen asleep 10:00 at night they never go to sleep at 10:00 in their night so sometimes when there's an extra sense of pressure like I know I'm supposed to be doing something meaningful now the pressure you know just ends up pushing Us in the opposite direction you know um I was at a bar mitzvah at the cotel once and I was getting ready to say shma and suddenly the video guy puts the video right on me boy I said a for the ages anyway when I took it away he was gone and my first thought was wasted a perfectly good schma because when the pressure is on when the camera is on I suddenly we you know yeah I don't know you ever have that when when you're at a you know a or Mitzvah and they come with a video camera and you're supposed to say something and you're like you want to say something witty and clever and other people with the table have no problem hi how's it going would you and you're like um muleo you know we just we freeze up you know there's the pressure on us that's one thing the other thing is there was a movie called Groundhog's Day with Bill Murray years ago and this guy has the worst day of his life and every single day he wakes up and relives this day I didn't see it but I did read about it on Wikipedia and they estimate that it had to have lasted about 40 years years this day yeah and he keeps having to work on it until he's able to turn this day that at the end he says this was the best day of my life and then it becomes the next day so um when we find ourselves challenged like I am with people who annoy you and get you frustrated and get you angry you're going to find these people over and over again that's your Groundhogs Day and as you get closer to an important moment it's these moments where you're going to there are certain people in this world I know this you know everybody has a purpose in this world their purpose is to annoy me that's why they exist you know I'm thinking about the people who insist on sitting very close to you or the chest pokers don't you think that I don't you know and the Herring eaters who are breathing in your mouth and and the whole thing this and you're like my whole sister break down you know these people are here to challenge me that's why they exist and so I have to take and I'm going to mess up over and over again you know um when I was a kid growing up in uh in New York so we had to take regions tests on all the different subjects you know so before you take the regions you take a practice test and you take the practice test you know and you know you didn't really study well Etc and you get like a 40 something you're like oh my gosh I'm going to fail out I'm not going to go to college and say it's the first practice test and you work on it and you work on it and you keep getting better and better because the final test is not until the end of our Lives we are a work in progress nobody's supposed to be perfect yet you know I saw a sign once that said God grant me patience and give it to me now you know what I mean it takes time to to to make real changes and we will mess up over and over again and when we do we look back we take a deep breath and say okay tomorrow is going to be Groundhog's Day again when the same person comes by whether he's blocking the bicycle or whether he's in the cab driver you know or whether it's the you know Nota told the story that when he started or he didn't have um phones in the Yeshiva yet when I came to Israel in 1975 the first time there was a five-year waiting list for a phone you know so he would use the phone booth outside and he get in the phone booth and this guy came in with him so he says um trying to make a phone call so he says uh this is your phone booth it's your father's phone booth you inherited it it's got your name on it I have as much right to be here as you it's like what is the purpose of that other than to just help me become a better person you understand and that's what that's what these situations are there because eventually you'll get to the point where the world will be filled with annoying people and you'll say nothing I can do like my brother's favorite phrase that I have tried to adopt it is what it is you know it would be nice if everybody was reasonable but they're not so we're just going to have to struggle to you know say Okay I I may not have done so good with that but don't worry God will send another one to me tomorrow and I'll have another opportunity to smile I had a sign with it said keep smiling it makes people wonder what you're up to yes question guil s guilt feelings around Saka about Saka around Saka I happen to be walking down today from the uh shiv cotel to to the cotel every step there's every single step I never my life somebody's asking you for money every single step and you don't know what to do you already gave your change away they think but I'm not a nice person maybe I should have had change give more people change what are these people standing here for now all of a sudden maybe they shouldn't be allowed to be here and you get these like bad feelings so if you want to feel better so the former R of the cootel said that you shouldn't give money to the people at the cootel because you don't know who they are so if that es swashes your feelings that's good having said that my wife does not take that advice and she always gives a coin to everybody you know so I say the best thing to do is get yourself half shekele pieces just get yourself a roll of half shekele pieces and take them along with you because between me and you it's a little over a dime you know what I mean so let's say I give it to 50 people you know I gave out five bucks you know if you put in those terms you know being an American um if you're from South Africa it's about 500 Rand but you know whatever it is but uh you know you you the reason is and this is what's interesting this what uh it says um K it says abouta on the spot he says if you have a choice to give somebody $10 or give 10 people $1 give 10 people $1 because the act of giving makes us different people so you know I I don't care if people don't want it you know and they say oh this not enough not enough I say sorry you know you obviously looking for Big G I'm not one you know so if you don't want the money give it to me I'll give it to somebody else you know uh so so far no one ever give it back you know um and uh and that's it so if you're able to if you can't you can't I I always look at it as the following there's always tomorrow it doesn't matter if I mess up today because there's going to be tomorrow you know and I just have to look for opportunities you know and and say okay so let me get a roll of of half shackles I can give somebody a half shekele it's not 10 shekels a 10 10 iot which is like insulting and it's not a shekele which is already cents maybe that's too much for my budget you know I can give it a half shekele it's it's respectable enough and you know and it's just the act of giving somebody something is a good thing so uh but the guilt feelings don't do anything the the purpose of guilt feelings is from the to make you give up and that's it I don't feel guilty I I I messed up it's a practice test tomorrow I'll do better yeah yes um how do you um like divide the time time between the self-reflection part and you know all the things that you mentioned earlier and the aspect of actually preparing for the the day of shishana preparing the toos and you know fact that you're going into this amazing day where you're recognizing Hashem as the king it's it feels like two different things going on it's just right so the danger with self-reflection is that we can become selfs absorbed so make yourself a time schedule it like the sh says have a set time where I'm going to sit down and I'm going to plan out my next year and how how of you think you mean an hour are you an hour for that that's an hour for that go off to the park you know now that the weather is so beautiful nice weather for sitting outside in the park you know and uh take a lot of water and possibly uh number of M you know but you know just sit down a little bit have to get the heat stroke you know and uh and spend time on that but um but that should not become my sole Focus you know because I it it's the underlying purpose but then I have to do things so the more time I spend on actually preparing for the day that's definitely worthwhile I just need some time to make sure that I'm doing it and that's why this there's a maintenance program to that if I took three things I gotta check and see if I'm doing those three things or not you know uh for example if I took the example of a sucker box oh did I give myself I I I would write in I I'm dating myself I would write down on my Yan but for the rest you could do it on your phone yeah a little sadii every single day and if you gave your a little coin you give yourself a check and if you didn't you give yourself an X I love giving myself checks that's why I like to do easy things because I can keep giving myself checks and I always feel good about myself how what a wonderful person I am and I share this with other people what a wonderful person I am anyway but uh don't become too absorbed yes wait my friend Mike's coming how do you prioritize like what's most important to work on like like is there any like tips for prioritizing because like a lot of people have a lot of things to work on like so here's the problem there are certain things that people's self image are tied up into they may not be that important in the grand scope of things but for whatever reason it's important to them right when I first started dating so I didn't know what I was doing I was nice and Shiva guy so this is before there were electric locks and those little clicky things you know they say what you should do is open your W open your you know your dates door and then when she gets in she really reaches over and opens your door and I went on number of dates you know and everybody knew the routine you know my wife didn't know I opened the door she went in she put on her seat Bel and she didn't open my door I had serious doubts whether she could be the one you know what I mean and uh you know it's uh almost 35 years and 11 children later I'm inclined to think that it was the right decision even though she didn't lean over so so now it's electric locks it doesn't even apply but I was told that that was important and it was important to me the michigans so there are certain things that people really feel are very important to them as long as they're not hard and that's the thing so for example not that it's not important like lushan Hara lushan har is a very important thing you're not allowed to say anything bad about anybody and we know people speak lushan haror and we know who they are I'm prepared to name names but anyway but uh you know when it comes to something like so you say I'll never speak lanar again that's ridiculous of course you're going to yeah so make it something easy can I do the two every day that I can do can I take on an hour when I won't speak L from 2: to 3: in the morning you know when I say this to teenagers they're like but that's prime time I said okay I'm sorry from 8:00 to 9: in the morning oh okay not a problem you so take it for a short time I know somebody who started doing it this way they would take like two hours you know and when somebody would call they go oh I got a great story to tell you call me back at 11: that's okay because it means that I took two hours and I was able to work on that so the the thing is that everybody has their own things that their own personal self-worth are tied up into not because it's inherently the most important but because it's most important to them I may have time time for one last question and there it is of course uh I will end up going into overtime and uh you know what happens in overtime then it becomes sudden death that's in hockey and I already had that the last time I spoke so anyway yes um what happens if you find yourself taking on the same small things every year then they're not small but really small things if if they were small then you would have knocked it off in a year that means they were too big in your mind they were small because there's a little voice inside of your head that says nah that's nothing that's nothing that's it that's all you're G to do that's nothing so you're like yeah so you take on things that are obviously not small and you can't do it that's why you keep writing them down but if they were small you would have knocked it off take my example right if you had to put a coin in a Stucker box every single day do you think you'd keep writing that down every single year because you're like oh my gosh what a struggle no but what do you do being a girl so you say to yourself well I have to D in the morning you know and I have to D I have to say and I have to say you know and then I got to finish up Ding and then I have to say toim for all the sick people that I have the list for you know what I mean and that's like 45 minutes and I don't have 45 minutes so I won't Ding and I say just sayon quickly 3 minutes if you drag it out to five okay and that's it people say to me but that's nothing yeah yeah so imagine you might end up saying every morning and actually accomplish something by the end of the year so instead you said something that's too big for you and you don't succeed if you're repeating the same things every year then that means it's too big there should be things that are ridiculously small that you accomplish easily and so my friends uh I don't want to say it's before rashash but our time is [Laughter] up and this year is you know I remember art Raymond used to have the Sima on WD and he used to end it I think I think it was him who would end it because yesterday's a canceled check and tomorrow is a promissary note all you have is today spend it yeah we have a week left to this year realize that somebody pointed this out once I heard it was brilliant we go to sh sh 15 minutes left to the year and we and we come to God grant us a parosa there 15 minutes left of the year I'm going to turn this year into 15 minutes I thought about it and I was I said if Geico can save you money in 15 minutes then God can give your Panos in 15 minutes it can be done we don't realize every minute the opportunity that we have we have less than a week left to this year we can still work on making this year meaningful but certainly we can allow lay the foundation that next year will be the most important year of our life thank you very much [Music] oh