Rabbi David Kaplan - Weekly Torah Portion: Ki Tetzei - Forbidden Relationships

so we're starting with the top it says a little yellow top line in page 750 for Louisville moms urbe Kahala Shem a Monzer is not allowed into the the congregation of a chef and to the Jewish people Thank You Justin Gondor Assyria ovolo bacala sham also the 10th generation should not enter into the congregation of a chef so what it says here is a mom sir is not allowed in to literally translate them I was not allowed to into the Jewish people but what that means is this is often confused is that a moms er is that allowed a mother is Jewish if a mom whose father is George's mother judge about his mother is Jewish she's Jewish a man sir means somebody who is born of an adulterous relationship somebody is born of an adulterous relationship now that means like this adulterous relationship in Judaism does not mean a child born out of wedlock a couple a man and a woman of a single Jewish woman has a baby with a Jewish man even if he's a married man that child is simply a child born out of wedlock that means he has no holic limitations or a logic stigma whatsoever if a father is a coin this child could eventually become the coin gödel there is no holic limitation on him the reason why if a married man is involved it's not considered adulterous relationship because theoretically the married man the married man could theoretically married to women he could have a really great asada and inherently prohibited relationship Imams er is only if a married a married Jewish woman is involved only if a married Jewish woman is involved that means that means that if a Jewish woman who is married he has a relationship with any man and she gets pregnant as a child that child is a mom's a limitation on our child our child's Jewish the limit he's got to put on tefillin he's got to keep Shabbos he's got all the how long he obligations the only limitation is on him is he is not a lot to marry a mom's er may not marry a standard Jew a mom's er could marry another monser but then their children are going to be moms Aaron and could marry a convert somebody's converted to Judaism but then their children will be mom's area and there is essentially no way for a mom's er to get out of his mom's Ernest he had once a moms are always about her the only way that a mom tzer's children could become nan mums er is if a mums er where mother is allowed to bury a slave woman a non-jewish slave woman so if he marries a nine Jewish slave woman and they have children the children are not Jewish then he could free the children and they automatically become Jewish and once they become Jewish they lose their moms or status but other than that a monster is not a lot - marriage was a regular Jewish women and it is not a good thing to be a mom sir no the the the ramifications are in the the obvious question everybody else is but it's not fair why is it his fault that as a result of his parents doing something wrong he became a mom sir all right so the answer to any question is that it's also not fair that one person should be born poor his parents are poor so now he's poor person is born without with some sort of physical handicap is also not fair if a person is born to a mother who's a heroin addict so he's gonna be your heroin addict that's also not fair a lot of thing I get through one second a lot of things in Torah that are not fair it's not fair that you are any of you Kohanim by the way anybody Ratko hear me - what's your first name great shyah shyah shyah great then you have to wash our hands right and we get to go into the base of me does you they can't right now that's not fair I want to be a Cohen but you can't be a coin mm Elif cannot go where I could go in the base of Megos mm l cannot serve the way we conserve when my chef comes we'll go into the basin maybe the Dove in our milk cannot go in is it fair it's not a lot of things are not true the question of fair and out fair never applies in Torah Imams there is somebody now you went at the philosophical explanation so you can always come into is if you need an x-ray can always come out to the kinds of a reincarnation that we don't know who this child was in a previous life and in a previous life it could very well be he himself fathered mom's Aaron then he comes back as his Tico and his rectification is that his neshama comes back and he has to be brought back as a mom to or could be God decided that that's what he needs a Tolman for something else or a challenging life we don't know we never know in any a specific instance why something is happening to somebody in the absence of prophecy we can only speculate I mean we could we know the general I get a hold of questions for a few minutes I'll get talked about it we we can in the absence of prophecy we can never say in any specific situation why it's happening we know general rules of white things could be so for example we know that in reincarnation a person who is a person who is bad and immoral specifically immoral in one life could be reincarnated as a dog okay now being reincarnated as a dog is bad right because when you are reincarnated as a human being you do not remember your previous incarnation this is all based on Kabbalistic ideas when your ring card is a human being you do not remember your your previous incarnation you don't remember who you were even though some people think that the deja vu is is reincarnation I think that they Chavo is simply deja vu or it's drug flashback it simply means that you're spacing out in the middle of a shear it doesn't mean any book so that we don't know anything any and you don't know who you were in a previous life waiting come back as an animal that you remember that you were once a human being and that's very apparently very humiliating as Kabbalistic lee that's very humiliating and and you could be sitting at a table listening to human beings talking and you'd like to communicate all that comes out as a bark right answer you could be sitting at a table underneath the table being thrown scraps by your wife and her next her next husband while you're the dog sitting at table now the having said that having said that that doesn't mean how's that for humiliation how having said that everything that means John Kerry John Kerry who's married to Henrietta Heights or whatever her name is you know some mr. Heights you know he may have come back as a ketchup bottle you know there he is at the table where giant Curie's using his hands is Heinz ketchup as a segue is it his hair Powell is here what he caught so yeah it's pretty humiliating one of the most sobering one of most sobering lines I've ever seen in a Meldrick this is a very sobering line the meddra says a man could spend his whole life accumulating money only to leave it to now if the end of the measure to leave it to his children so bad plenty of people do that but the man who does he could spend his whole life accumulating money and leave it to his wife's next husband yeah that's pretty that's pretty sobering you know it's worth being bankrupt you know bad very you mean you left you spent your whole life making ketchup so that this guy could finance an unsuccessful presidential campaign okay you know it's enough to make me eat mustard you know hey forget about it you know next time around I'm doing this differently so you don't know so if you ever see a dog ever see a dog okay so you've heard the concept now so then you just wait till everybody leaves the room and when you're alone with the dog you know he turns a come on wait what you do we don't know we don't we don't apply it on an individual level because we don't know so there's an idea there is a concept of there's a kind of reincarnation so if somebody is troubled by the fairness of it the fairness of it is could always be answered with reincarnation though in any individual case we don't know hold for a few minutes I just want to give a very important point here a person has to know somebody who's a child born out of wedlock a couple is living together they never got married she's not a married woman and a child is born now this could be a plaque applicable in our day and age where even a Jewish couple may have lived together and they never had a proper hope and condition they never had a proper Jewish marriage they thought they did they didn't they may have had so so I'll tell you an incredible an incredible situation in a second bit which is in Jewish history recorded in Jewish history as well so a person has to know that even if he finds out later in life that his parents never had a kosher holic marriage so I've met Bali Chu bizarre often devastated by that there's nothing to be devastated by because you are a hundred percent kosher Jew 100% kosher Jew it may be a social stigma it has no holic bearing on your status whatsoever that's number one number two in the nine Jewish world a child born out of let wedlock is off and I see a mums er how does the arts go translate it a month ago simply translated amount to the non-jewish world's translate is a bastard but that's really not an accurate translation because in a non-jewish world a bastard is also referred to somebody who is born out of wedlock and that's not what we call a munzur child born out of wedlock is simply a child born out of wedlock that's not a miser the major there's a world of difference in the halacha gratifications I remember when David Kennedy remember where I was one of the Kennedys who was killed on skis he hit a tree it was rot one of Roberts sons hit a tree a few years back he got killed skiing is playing football on skis so David Kennedy the Kennedys are Catholics and David Kennedy David Kennedy was married they had three kids and they had a babysitter and following in the rich Kennedy tradition he had an affair with the babysitter and his wife when she found out about it his wife was not happy so they had some shell and bias issues and and so what David caddies and so will do what the Catholics and Catholics did not believe in divorce Gaylord will just get what's called the what he called a an annulment will get an annulment but she applying Keene Tom Utica logic understood what an annulment means is that you are retro actively saying we were never married that's what an annulment annulment means we were never married not that you're getting divorced the annulment means there was never a marriage here and so she went into a panic because she said well if we were never married what does that make the kids so from a Torah perspective all it does is it make the kids born out of wedlock whereas from a Catholic perspective the kids are bastards because they don't make distinguish in understand but in the whole like realm there's a world of difference what what is he mums er a mom sure is a limited in others our definition of a bastard their translating the word monster but there are two that I am unser is when a woman who is married is involved with someone other than her husband that's a moms are or incestuous relationships as well but that's not it's common a woman who's married is involved with another man and they have a child that as a manager otherwise it's over they have children those child is born out of winners as I said he's got no how lucky stigma whatsoever he's not a monster a corn in the divorce he is a hole the child of a coin in a divorce you hold which means he is a nan Cohen for all kinds of purposes but he's not he's a lot to Marius at youth rally route they're very any other Jewish woman he's simply at Halle front tons of purposes he's not a he is not a toy he's a lot to go to a cemetery he's that any Co hang privileges he's got no coin limitations he's simply a non Cohen but somebody who's born out of wedlock he has no holic stigma whatsoever another is a case that I have documented at home I have on my file I have somewhere in my files at home I can't find it there was a case here in Israel this was documented this went to the this went to the this went to the it was made it to the papers a very strange story there was a woman a woman came to Abbes did a woman came to the rabbinic court and she said to the Baisden that my son-in-law who is married to my daughter and they have 10 children was married to my older daughter first for about three months they got divorced then he married my second daughter according to a law he you're not allowed to marry your wife's sister while the wife is alive a lot to marry the wife sister and if you do marry the wife sister than any children our moms a room according to halakha so what it happened was they traced the story what it happened was this was an Iraqi family and he was 17 and the daughter with the older daughter was 16 they got married in Iraq they were married for three months though they got divorced the meantime the girl's family came to Israel and they were living in fuss he came to Israel some ten years later and he married the second sister how it happened I don't know that's what happened those artifacts attend children then this mother the mother of the two daughters comes to the basin and she says so the basin my son-in-law Mary my second sister so the day under several if this is true then the whole entire family our mom's Arab so then two weeks later she came to the Bates as she said I just have to add one detail I forgot to mention to you my my first daughter was adopted I don't know if that has any bearing on the case they said well there's a lot of bearing and they gave me God if you got the division they're not blood sister so there's no issue they said okay very good then she came back to the base in two weeks later she said I lied I lied neither daughter has adopted my son Allah threatened he would kill me if I didn't make up that story but my conscience leaves me no rest both of my daughters are natural-born daughters the daisen investigated and they passed him that the entire family our mom's era now what that means is that anybody who's married and in one of the sons married a guards they're married if they are married so right they have to get divorced never get divorced so so it's a very very severe situation Imams there's a very very severe situation so so the tourists as Imam did Allah to marry regular Jewish woman now there have been cases in Jewish history where there are moms there there are big cases and it has happened where there are people whose mother was secular they if parents got married child was got married they got the boy they got married with a hope in collusion with a good Torah marriage got divorced she married somebody else they only had a secular marriage and then that child is 100% a 100 and a mamzer with all the halacha all the halacha ramifications so it's it's a very there was a heartbreaking case I'm I was a heartrending case after the Holocaust there were certain situations where you know women disappeared now there's a lotta that if a husband disappears so the Bazin has to has to check to see if the fine if there's enough evidence of the husband's death and if there is then the wife is allowed to remarry and so she's an akuna and I goona means a woman who is chained because she can't remarry until they know if there's evidence of the husband has died now the was a woman who was a dagoon a-- and their habit you know the the problem is that even if the Bayesian allows her to remarry based on the evidence if the husband does resurface then she has to leave the second husband and she cannot go back to the first husband so there have been cases like that in Jewish history she can't go back to her first because she has been a woman who is committed willing adultery even though it was unintentional there's a difference between forced and unintentional a woman who's been violated wound has been raped she could go back to her husband unless he's a co-ed a woman who is unwilling willingly committed adultery but it was unintentional she didn't think it was adultery she is permitted to go back to the first times we can't marry the second element there's a terrible case that came out of the Holocaust there was a guy there was a rug in New Jersey I think New York and in New York a Rebecca fram-o shree and one day he comes to elderly man walks in this is shortly after the Holocaust an elderly man comes in and he says look there's a young rabbi in your town and it's sometime after the Hawkeye says a young rabbi in your town and his mother was my wife before the war and she thought I died in the war and she remarried and she had him and she has subsequently died and I am bitter and I have one goal to be I was obviously very bitter I wanted to destroy that young man and I want to publicize to the world that he's a monser and that his mother married a man who when I was not yet that it's on and so forth sir rabbi us reset to this Rambla so you don't have to publicize anything the fact that he's a mama is already gonna destroy his life that beats yes the divorce his wife is a Liza's position and so on and so forth those are the ramifications but these were things that came up after the war was very common Road moshe feinstein himself by himself permitted over 2,000 women to remarry after the holocaust were men people were disappeared left right in saturday's questions were coming up all over the place men disappeared in Moshe fights in his Bazin permitted over 2,000 women based on the evidence to remarry and not once did a husband resurface the husband come back so they once a show every bunch of fight scene how did you have such a track record that do thousand women and not one say you know you're doing it based on circumstantial evidence and it's a very tricky thing because you know you have witnesses the last time we saw this guy he was done together he was in line to go into the gas chambers at Austerlitz then if somebody else's the last time we saw a certain man he was on the train and the way to office now is they had enough evidence or not he hasn't been seen since well they're playing people who are on the trains and having it up not dying and there plenty people who found each other 50 years later so it's very very tricky and bases enhance the determined based on certain holic framework when you permit her and when you don't permit her so remote if I was asked 2,000 women how come you never had anyone who gives very much if I said look I took on the responsibility of Pascal Aloha I studied the halacha and I ruled to the best of my knowledge have to responsibly doing what I had to do there's no way that God is going to bring a disaster through me if I've done everything humanly possible with no ulterior motivation so in in 9/11 these questions came up in 9/11 because there are a lot of men who were not who were killed in 9/11 and there were very very heartbreaking questions one man one man who actually called on the phone he called his rubbish that I'm about to die now then live again he died and then they're good the quite they never found the body now is that enough evidence the fact that he call on the phone is they had enough evidence how logically maybe the guy's got an ulterior motivation maybe he wants a mess his wife over maybe once a disappear because he got people he owes money to so these are all questions that had to be had to be determined there was one case where Rafael Yasha was after we actually actually sent a fact-finding mission some of his closest disciples he had to cite he sent them to New York after 9/11 because there were these questions came up so there was one woman whose husband disappeared husband worked in 9/11 he worked in one of the one of the towers and then they didn't find his body they didn't find a body and they want to know if she could get married really I should said based on the available evidence she could not get married he said well obviously he died well not obviously because sometimes a guy who maybe guy owes a lot of money and fall suddenly this is his opportunity to disappear and everybody to think he died he get away for his data sort of I said he can't get married so so she they did down allow her to get married about months later she was walking through a hospital she went to visit a friend of hers the hospital she walks to the hospital she looks into one of the rooms there's her husband sitting on a hospital bed reading a newspaper she looked at his Hershel where have you been you know you know you know men men sometimes disappear with the newspapers you know but this is a long time you know her so her so where where have you been and he's looking at her with a blank look on his face it she's she's you know she's just like not and then it turned out that he didn't know who she was when the building collapse he got a clap on the head he had total amnesia and no identity papers he was sitting in that hospital for ten months now just imagine if probably a she would have just said okay we feel bad for a letter remarry and she's married for she remarries than the husband turns up you understand uh I post a cast to go with whatever whatever the evidence is that's what the this whole concept of an akuna and check you for they're gonna in so on and so forth anyway that's what that's what a monster is okay somebody had a question earlier Gill did you have a question so I mean yeah good good good question excellent question excellent question that's actually the question like they'll say a woman is is is inseminated nap through an act of cohabitation remember moshe feinstein was asked this question it's a very good question and the answer is that he found the precedent for this in the talmud because the talmud discusses a situation where a man has bathed in a tub and he had a emission at a seminal emission then a woman bathes in the same tub and she becomes pregnant from that and based on the Talmud the child is not a mother the child is not imagined there's even a question oh they came through a boat to find him by a couple that could not have children and the wife went to a sperm bank without her husband's knowledge and she got herself impregnate as husband could not have children and she went to sprang got herself impregnated and then became a question number one what is the status of the child and number two does the husband have financial responsibilities as if it's his own child to raise them to pay for the child so remote refined she said no on both counts if the child number 1 is not he's not a momager and number two the husband does not any of the financial responsibility as it wasn't his idea wasn't it's a Holika does not condone that but this was this was post facto this was post facto and you thought that rabbis only get questions like what happens if my flesh expel into my milk fire right how do i how would you like to have the answer to answer these questions though they've had questions they already have questions on on what they call a with a surrogate mother right now where she provides free womb and board right and a woman a woman is a woman is is the buddy called is contracted to carry the baby and now whose baby and then they've had cases where she doesn't want to give up the child now who does a child belong to are logically so how it's like they have to prosecute that gentleman you thought there being a rabbi yeah once in a while I forgot y'all of the elbow to Ice Age ma yesterday again it's a lot more than that these are the types of questions that Rosa finds you the remote advising and revolutions of the world have been answering okay yeah yeah I gather person is the reincarnation it could be a dog or the person that sees regrinding a person he can't remember stuff correct but I don't know what he with all due respect to anybody who said it I don't know what was heard I don't know who said it I don't know I have a policy I don't comment on anything anybody else anybody else has said because I don't know what was said how was said what can fix it was said of how it was taken out of context what his sources are and in the fact that they think that with hypnosis that that's recaudación well maybe the right and maybe they're wrong maybe they're bringing back something that he heard in this life you know they it's all speculation I only go with the Torah sources I don't know what it could be it okay it could all be right you know you could all be correct ago of everything but I only know what the Torah sources and they've done in hypnosis they could bring out you know the little of some guy you know and he starts singing in Italian you know when he never didn't to Italy in his life yeah but you never know maybe maybe he watches TV show when he was little and in background some guy say you know there's an Italian opera where some woman was wailing and Italian about how her husband killed her boyfriend and in he any happened to what he called he epithet he happy to hear that he didn't even know that it registered subconsciously so we don't know you know we don't know okay in anybody Li Rana could be that we were both around in a previous incarnation and you owe me money right so that needs to be established right let's look at some hypnosis here you know okay take a look take a look at Pier Club valid plus a plus a good test sorry coffee mou test Kokomo your test and it says like this page ten fifty six it says low C echinacea need be no Cyril a Jewish woman should not be a UH how does he translate it a promiscuous woman she should not be promiscuous is a woman who just lets herself go with anybody anybody villarica database or the man should also not allow himself to be to be become immoral when he's used with four other men then the next POSIX says like this loss of e s nuns ona do not bring the exchange of a harlot whom appear caliph in the price of a dog base Hashem Aloka look hold Ned therefore any vow he saw us at Chemeketa gosh damn it is the abomination of God anybody who does it that means as follows a person decides one day whence a pledget offering when the time it abase amitav just there you know what I for example a guy says I pledge I pledge a Corbin slummin I'm in a good mood I did well on my test yesterday I'm gonna bring a peace offering to the base of mania so I have to bring a sheep I'm gonna bring a lamb as a peace offering okay no Amanda there's a woman and a woman pledges such a thing where did she get her lamb she served she she works as a harlot and somebody paid her for her services by giving her a lamb giving her a sheep a harlot is a Zona and and what he call in and somebody has paid her for her services by giving her a sheep or a lamb she's not allowed to bring that lamb to the base of a dish it is considered not only uncouth and I think it is considered downright the turqoise as an abomination it's abominable to bring such a thing though you know where did he get that from it's like the guy I heard a story it's a true story a guy was at a cemetery yes he has to rub this Shila he went to a cemetery and he saw that somebody had put flowers on a grave now you know the Jewish tradition is we don't put flowers on grids and put a stone on a grave we don't put a flowers on a grave don't put him okay these guys at the cemetery and he saw a secular Jew there visiting a grave but a guy put a bouquet of roses on I'm the great and the tombstone which is not a proper according to halakha this guy waits for them to leave and he takes the bouquet of roses and he brings it home to his wife he says here honey for you for you alright what's the occasion just a Tuesday afternoon no kid you know yeah listen I would I would go to seminary to get you get you roses if I had so you know I know the white boy though I've never asked him and he never talked could you imagine can you imagine a wife that being asked a guy where did you get him from I just plucked them off a grave so bad could you imagine though it would probably be his last words right so you didn't say any so let me came to a locking authority to ask a lot of you authority two questions number one is a conservative deception is a Guinea Vaz dasu number two is it inappropriate to take it even if the guy made a mistake putting on it there was the Shila that he yes see understand there's something uncouth certain things in life are uncouth where did he get the roses I got them off her grave yeah you understand so the Torah complex as a woman decides she wants applied to corporate database so what does she do she brings the land where'd you get the land that was hers give it to her in payment in exchange for her services Thor says it's an abomination furthermore over a few minutes to refer the word to I says I I traded somebody I got I have a dog vicious I have a dog and I give you our baking exchange I'll take a lamb for the dog and I saw you my dog right a dog is considered by definition a low creature a dog there's certain animals are considered different animals a lion is considered something honorable you know if you ever called ever refer to somebody by naming some animals carry with them certain certain connotations if you're ever in business say that guy's a real snake right that's generally not complimentary you know the guy's a shark that's generally not complimentary say that guy's a lion who he's a lion he's a llama he's a real llama llama I guess this guy's chilled you know this guy this guy takes a long nap after his children's job it sees a llama so there's certain thing to say somebody is a dog if somebody is a dog usually used in that usually used in the feminine form direction it's generally considered uncomplimentary to take something that you've traded a dog for I gave you a dog you gave me a sheep and I bring it to the base I make gosh that's concerned uncouth not only it's uncool two-thirds it's an abomination what's wrong with it is the commentaries say he could sometimes turn into a rationalization because I woman rationalize as well how I'll go into this profession but after all I'm giving a carbon to the base I'm ENGLISH once in a while it serves as a potential it's a potential rationalization for inappropriate behavior therefore the Torah says you should not do it okay now I want to go to the next okay this is one that it needs a lot of clarification yes a dog is a lowly creature so if I get a lamb from you in exchange for a dog what did I pay for that lamb you paid a dog it's so it's just just so inappropriate that's so inappropriate that's right our dogs are getting a lowly creature dogs are considered brazen my dogs have no sense of shame dog dogs will meet in public as opposed to other animals which are much more discreet and therefore a dog is always considered a lowly brazen creature okay now take a look yeah please go just here we're talk about specifically asleep there is a special holic class called a slave there's a special holiday you have purchased it's like there was a slave trade the old days what a refugee nowadays would be called what category falls into I really don't know because now you're also trying to super see wait you run into a problem over here of superimposing a secular situation which never existed before is he considered an escaped slave I don't know I don't know you have these are what are called the eretrians in Israel that of Jeff grant is a very difficult to say but international law they don't have passports what the rights are what the rights aren't very very difficult I couldn't even begin to speculate you'd have to ask you everybody I'd be curious if you ask rabbi braid awaits and I'd like to hear what he has to say I don't know here the Torah specifically they are going to in general when the Torah describes the law before we go and start making comparisons in in in the projecting and at something else we have to know yes otherwise we assume it's no because the Torah is giving you a specific scenario okay now they're too hot locals here that I want to get to two laws over here which are both very related pier 24 chapter 24 Pyrrhic Aleph 1058 okay and both of these are questioned well these are issues one of them is probably a bigger issue that you will confront or be confronted by somebody who's looking for an explanation therefore it's important they have this straight on page 10 58 is four lines from the top kikiki she should move along what a man marries a woman and they live together mahogany law seems arcane but you know she does not fight favor in his eyes he matzo by Airbus devar he found that her behavior was questionable it doesn't have to be that but this is one situation the cus of look safer creaseless he should give her a document of severing what we call a get but get the nos on biota he puts it in her hand his she'll call me beso and he sends her from his house that means the Tauri here is talking about how divorce is contracted a man is married to a woman what's wrong I mean it's a Torah law the torah law the man is married to a woman and for some reason she does not find favor in his eyes and they have a fight whatever it is they want to get the worst how do you divorce how do you terminate a marriage in not hide law a couple is married if they agree to live together as husband and wife and a couple terminates the marriage by agreeing to go their separate ways that's under Noahide law in torah law a couple is married through Hoopa in condition with two witnesses and they terminate the marriage through a document called a get it's very interesting because the word get is the only time in the Hebrew language that you will find the letter gimel and the letter tests next to each other it's the only time that they find it you will never find a word where a gimel is followed by a test and what's interesting is that they get it-get is is the severing of the two the two are never gonna be together again okay now I mean gives us a wife again so people ask all the time why is it no no it's not related to get out of here no no why is it why is it that only according to halakha by the letter of the law only a man could give the get nowadays a woman cannot be forced to accept to get against her will unless the Basden was the Bazin says that she has to accept it by torah law a man can give his wife a get against her will a wife cannot give her husband a get number one there is a Torah law if a Basden rules that a wife is entitled to a get for example the husband's not supporting her dozens not providing her with her marital rights the husband is beating her there are certain times where the Bazin will rule that the wife is to be given I get nowadays since beza does nanny the power of enforcing it a woman could end up also being what's called used in the vernacular it's not the / it's not the it's not the pure meaning of the word but a woman is referred to as an I guna she is a woman who doesn't have a husband but she can't marry somebody else because I was holding her up for again and sometimes the husband won't want won't give her the get until the family pays money he's actually blackmailing her now in the time where their Basden had Authority if they ruled it her husband has to give it yet and he didn't then the basin has a rights to beat him and the way the Rambam the way that law puts it as they get has to be giving of your own free will and it says : oh so they beat him I'd she Omer wrote sunny until he says yes I want to give the get so the Rambam asks one of the famous questions around BOM asks well obviously he doesn't and the only reason he does is because you're putting him in pain so the Rambam says no that's not true every jewish man wants to do what's right but he has a yates Ihara as an evil inclination that is preventing him so what we do is like infractions we cancel out we cancel out the y8 Sahara with a piece of rawhide and then what you're left with is his free goodwill in order to give the get that's what the rounds have done you cannot hire thugs you can I could only be done by Bey's then there have been in recent years even in Jewish and within within the last even Haven that our day and age there are certain basins that are willing to give a rabbinic order there I've met guys who have worked for basins one guy who make do it men who worked with a taser gun to convince recalcitrant husbands to to pod to give a get but that's only if they're sent by a basin and it's a very very very controversial thing because you're going against the law of the land but there have been cases where where men are committed people are commissioned in order to say to procure getting fabric Elsa turned husbands there are people who do it without the Taser guns they just go in and try to convince the husband's to give their wives getting and this happens all the time so the Torah says that only a man now the question becomes why is only the a lot to give they get why can't the wife wants you by the letter to law she has to get him to give the get why can't the wife your husband get it seems on one side it doesn't it seems very one-sided here so the answer is very logical answer very logical who did the marrying who married whom he married her in other words what happens under a chuppah when you see a couple get married when a husband gives a wife a ring what she's doing for lack of a better term for lack of a better term we determine Inglis to describe it for lack of a better term she is transferring ownership of herself to her husband that's what she's doing that's why the husband has all the responsibility in the marriage contract he's got to provide for her support her financially and otherwise because he has taken her as his property and she is now under his jurisdiction well if you've purchased something the thing can't walk away from if you buy a table the table can't one day say well I want my liberty right you have that you have to release the table I'm gonna use that as an example sorry okay you like that a Rolls Royce okay if you bought a Rolls Royce the Rolls Royce can't just leave on its own you have to put the Rolls Royce out say okay this rolls right as Hefner anybody who wants could take it so the halacha says very nice since you were the one who acquired her you're the one who would have to release her that's why the husband only the husband can give cannon each kid give again a wife can initiate a get wife could addition again but that would have to go through a basin and a Bay's I knew I had a friend who's whose sister was it was was held up for I I remember when they got here I was about I was about 15 this guy's older sister was getting married she was about 21 and she's marrying guy was about 30 and his parents were against the marriage parents are getting severe I was at the wedding I remember because the guy was dressed in white he was so cool it's okay all draw all white I just saw it is a wow that guy is really cool and I get a year later they had a baby and about a few months later they were already separated and for about nine years he felt that the family has money which they did and I think at the time he wanted a hundred thousand dollars which is a lot of money and they didn't want to pay him so one of our brothers suggested just hiring somebody to kill him which which by the way works as far as releasing her but it's not permissible oh yeah it's very efficient you know if you killed a guy so she no longer needs to get but but but but it doesn't work according although you can't do that and you can't even hire thugs to beat him because if a guy gives a get under duress it's called giving a get under the rest that is not a valid yet and therefore she goes off down til you feel good he gave her again but she's a fully married woman I know what case where where this was ratified by the rub on him I don't know what the limits are a woman whose husband also had they'd split up and he wouldn't give her again except if she would give him some money and she found out about his business dealings and she proposed going to the IRS to let them know what he's doing unless to get is forthcoming and to get was forthcoming so they had also required rabbinic intervention to know that it's not what's called a force yet otherwise it's not a valid yet these are not easy say what for the husband to take money it's not it it's perfectly acceptable it's perfectly acceptable because that he's giving it over his own free will it's perfectly acceptable it's not the right thing to do he should give the get once he decides to give the guys I'm a nice thing to that's right the get it doesn't invalidate to get though does not invalidate to get the it is but he should he's being a jerk but but there are many husbands and many husbands who do that some who either get married never been cases where a guy got married initially because he knew that I'm gonna get married and we're gonna split up really quickly because I want to hold up her father and that was the most efficient way to do it there have been cases like so a guy who does that is that certainly not something you give sleazy to ensure you know he's not a very nice person but to pay for the get pretty to pay for to get is is acceptable according to law but I give I personally know of cases where guys were guys were can I knew one one crew that worked for a Basden they grabbed the guy in the street to grab the husband and they stuffed him into the trunk of a car and he drove him to the East River in New York didn't say a word there's grabbing on Street put him in the trunk oh god hold on didn't say a word they drove him to the East River they dangled him upside down over the East River then they took it they crumpled to makeup put him into the trunk and drove him home and a couple days later to get was forthcoming maybe the guy got the hint right and then I met this guy who's a taser gun they said that you know they hit a guy with about what is it how many bowls of five thousand five thousand volts and while he is apparently it's uncomfortable and while he is writhing around while he's writhing around on the on the ground they used subliminal suggestion and they say things like you know there's a Jewish woman who needs to get you know and then they get generally threat but that's only if it has been condoned by a basin and even then even then Bay there have been bases they've gotten in trouble with the law because you don't have a right to do it there have there was a case recently where a couple was was doing it they're getting paid for their services and again it could work as a get but it might be against the law and you might go to jail and therefore in and certainly nothing can be done on your own yeah Jessica for The New Yorker New Jersey or something a couple was just kid and I got the hint real quick there your thing real quick again if it's not they did get arrested yeah kidnapping silly go if Gila gets you one second if it's not ratified by a business not a bail yet yeah he could good question and other good question the husband can do anything he wants with the money because again what only thing the Torah limits is what the Torah limits is it a nice thing to do you know that's are they you know it's it's it's only what if the Torah doesn't limit it for us to project and say well this is a Content that's almost endless what about a guy what about a guy who made money on a shady business deal you know they're there's so many things where a guy squeezed somebody so even by the letter to law he managed to squeeze them and it wasn't unnie didn't stole if the money is stolen no money is stolen oh the guar so if you steal money to do a mitzvah with it you don't get amid suits in Aveiro but it's like making a bracha and pork the guy he's gonna eat pork and he says well at least I'm gonna make a broth on it so you can wear says like where you say it's on my example where it says this not a maverick it's not somebody that's a midnight 8th season at agonizer he's a provocateur he's he's in tagging that's not a mitzvah to do a mitzvah what are you doing in Aveiro it's not a mitzvah guys gonna make you eat a piece of pork he says I'll make a charcoal on it it's not it's a guy steals money to give it a sucker we don't believe in robbing hoods it isn't there that's a mitzvah hubbub Avira submits are done throughout there that's not a mitzvah but a guy who got the money so at the end of the day by the letter laws I'm prohibited to go and then say you can't use it for certain means it'd be difficult for us to it might not be nice but to go and actually say that fits the category we don't have the authority to do okay the Torah doesn't divert the yeah yeah yeah yeah that's the that's the kid Asia yeah yeah that's a good question what do you do with stolen money what should you ever do with stole the money generally the generally the the if you steal money you have to give it back to the best of your ability you have to try to figure out how to get it back whoever your stolen from insurance company yeah give it back to you the fact that the fact that they also steal from people doesn't justify you stealing from that other day hey you know that's endless especially for Jews you know there there there there's absolutely you