Rabbi Daniel Kalish: Understanding and Parenting Different Personality Types - Project Inspire

last night we were studying together that words and I like I'm into words and care about words and I like when words think about the topic matter even though it's a speech and I've said on many occasions but I want to make sure I am there so it's important that we speak we're connected to what we say don't say things you don't believe but say things you don't mean the same things you don't hold but it should be real should be coming from place of real no specific words or favorite words that you can hold them and believe a powerful other words you can scream and yell but it's not it's not true so there's Adam Aaron Marcus that's quoted and abused and the Emmis is one of the hardest Kumar's I've ever learned in my life and I've opened a full answer but I have a beginning of an answer the Gemara statement however there might be no way say I learned to laugh my ready my friends more than them when we tell me that way semicolon and for my students more than all them whatever I rebellion whether my friends it's a very abused gonadal extremely abused to the play it's what you're supposed to say the Talmud some for Sam Mason you mean that you don't mean it's not true it's not a choice you don't know it I don't like say things that you don't need really become either a cynical we are the revenues the magic anybody that's already the magic of Robby the magic of rhetoric and the speak English I results over Shabbos to speak to have shown and to hear him describe his relationship to his whether emotion pillow what it means to lose a revenue I'm close to a year there was the Talmud or of schwöre burn them small penis through a it's a magnitude of Mart and I said I want to give you an assault I want to be minasan you he said with a plant for me if you don't know the worst don't try the contrary you don't know my horse psychically I wanna make applause since a ok I told you he said I wrote to my Randy I fell towards the center of the universe do you know he moves to feel there's no place on earth forever be sitting by my plus I will I'm close to some hidden who decided where my chiffon series Al Andalus take your big houses your norms your problems you all listen babe we are at the center of the universe we live in elevation the center is no place I'd rather be let me describe this time wave small bundle that I'm at the place the center of the universe this is just where I want to be with my wannabe collection fashion this is this is the place of relevance here I'll shout it out at the center the happiest place on earth this is the scent explain to everybody this beautiful music there's so many - locket things is they forward is great that is not why it's gorgeous is not where it's electric is not where this is special it's special possessions here because they're alien and then we can tackle gun and somebody's like that where these are connection touch them everything you know everywhere you are from the revenue but you didn't fly there told me a Reb you told me but I'm sorry he told us what he told me that I speak to my students and he said I quote that he's teaching in a more matter in place I quote the rash but it's not magical I said the right order today the walk you're on there look I live with three couples that were gaming for a year I started realizing by in a phone call you say I believe a good people perk up the groom the girl I was foken last night the drug people perk up to them if I quoted if I call it a wonderful living down the block for me what I quoted the girl was the same thing there's no the name that nothing so this Rebbe said how do I make the rajma magical how do I buy a magical tomayto to my students so I guess this ready why is it magical to you and I why is the grandma Hawaii the reason to leave the grass magical my Rebbe to me is magic my ready to lose a picture of in every ocean only of the persons dedicated to procession my work be by me is a picture of college a picture of sincerity that's not that it must create just first I know in the world the person sphere person I know in the world artists whether it is magical my when he told us about his ribbon my red is ready is the alter rebbe zwooba zwooba Sri Lanka my Wendy's Wendy's wrongly was absorber Salaam so when I when I hear these layers my Libby's magical his focus will be in such a way why because logic is if you ever abused magical beams precious was elevated there my Bangla stars the fire could be imagined the remiza you ready tells you is heavy was bigger I resorted to sit at the Dallas near Highland Rim we wouldn't of this year this year didn't keep the rest many years of his life that was not what's amazing about him there gladion mentality that - studies indeed it's not what was amazing I'm trying his amazing is it in a thermos many years of his life and you expect to meet a person up Irish or a stair person so the picture all arguing with testing were rough when a bad mood you expect to meet here didn't eat many years but he didn't study the aftertaste after the last year would leave late at night he would start eating so this Saavik this Sabich reserve was a person you'd expect a very serious man is faster four years you'd expect he was happy journalist - lot more and funny nothing full of honor that's better teller so you had this year decide that this other world which Sabbath he's the only person I ever met in my life the only the only who had something on his face I don't know what it was I never saw another human being in my life never there was something on his face that I saw on him that I would never ever seen again on another human being that is swept before I never saw her after since he had something on his face there was something going on there I don't said quickly I've never said about another human being never there was something about this year the closeness passion that was unbelievable he would talk to us about the cousin ish he would describe his ready Wow so then you talk about a body would be magical so they said the Rebbe gives us a world the Rebbe except our magical he teaches us everything we know from a Remmy everything we know everything we say is value - and I'm teaching for years I give over I'm a tape recorder that I give over yesterday you say mp3 player that's even outdated but I'm giving them away I'm giving them over my Rebbe talking the Rebbe is magical baby gives us case gives us time so already everybody knows everybody here knows what it means and ready and then to say you still me tell me that listen I don't want my students who feels that way who believes that who is that you tell me they don't have an answer it is a shock it's certainly not a cause all to be abused to be just thrown out there just to say don't say that simple easily the tomato is not you don't I'm talking about my ready do I think that about that Talmud beaker formative evaluation am from your students more than the ready so that's the question I us here needs to resolve in a captain Malamud a captain a rigid force is not already and Kazami tell me by race him that I learned more from my students than my Rebbe what is the fact in this Hazama tell me then yes ma'am really there is one of the visiting ball Mercer years ago came to Weatherbury and he spoke beautiful things I was young the time had little kids and he said this man said this kid said that I would the daughter is the opposite of me and he described this daughter is the opposite of him and adjusted to do it as the opposite of him the time I was very like taken by it Wow years later now looking back I don't know maybe even like this everybody has a child different than them everybody don't know a person I don't have one friend who hasn't raised the child in different ways it's different and then when we adjust to our children when we learn each one and understand and we may and connect to each one and become out of ourselves is the greatest experience of our lives coming out of ourselves save another's perspective in today's deep of ways learning another person's perspective on life I want to speak I don't know if though here knows the anagram it's it's in psychology it's relegated it's like alternative medicine Vania Graham it's not respectful it's technology I have various theories I a lot of systems of classifying people personality types there are all different systems I have not found one I liked except that in Graham parish I'm teaching for for a few years now and it's a 2 million to chew system I'm impressed this Russian come from you they should serves their hundreds of books on it it's hundreds of years old it comes originally they claim the Guardian so partly from Kabbalah there are a lot of good sources for it but animal is known personality types there's a tenth machine we don't know what it is there's no personality types to say it's accurate my personal belief is unbelievably accurate I'm not here to speak about the a DVM you could look it up what gain how much gain it's very rare it happens I haven't met a person that doesn't fit quite well in one through nine that's my opinion others could argue my wife and I have discussed standing there many times I want my kids or I became in the area Grimm I like that name him but I didn't come to discuss the anagen I want to talk about one personality type India Shiva but less I see an unbelievable amount of Phibes type five personality they will end up in waterbury if I see a type five to the point if I see and I know he's going to be in whether I was at a cancer with my father I was at a cancer with my father and one board a beautiful voice I didn't know who he was when he was my father isn't that was great I love my brother I said yes he would be learning by me in a couple of years he's learning in whether way today shouting burn Hashem but I love the game disturbed that type fives end up in the issue of why the type fives typically don't work in the school system my point is not to speak about personalities you'll hear my point but the type file just the various Corbin observer they are somewhat detached they're very cerebral they're detached they watch things they typically don't join they must understand how things work that they must have before they do anything left stand while they don't just do things it's not how FAR's where they can they're seen in the school system as what's verdict stand or fish they're seen in the school system because that's just how that I've interviewed many files and I watched the father like shaking you're being in the courts if he's not he's being himself aside the nature of forms I had a certain v he told me that a very bright Rebbe of his in exasperation one said this guy is a masculine a five comes to us become my smitten tremendousness medium said they can I look for the Father into effect please send them he will be he'll be huge they're typically very interested in comment on uShip is a very good place for a five but a five personality type this view was exhaust for him at this particular Talmud say salt in your knees never two minutes away that's it said like this but what you're screwed because they're processing and asking and one you and don't just accept that as fall so the Rebbe said like he said two minutes ago was being kind but the Rebbe you said a few months and they still like processing now younger age when a kid thinks he thinks everybody thinks like him he doesn't realize they tend to more obsessively think and analyze and try to figure out much more it's a five personality type we could talk about it for always I don't want to right now my point is is you have a parent who has a child where you show them the question is are you already or not and this has our say the person is not already not it's also there will be to be a mom to be a captain if you are not flexible understanding if you I don't care what it's not our surfing level to be a captain not what your title is who gave you Smith huh if you are a captain if you are rigid and you can't adjust to all different types and different people and understand and figure out and connect and relate in another person's vantage point that's not tired the process of Terror is a room full of people with different vantage points whether Sri Lanka says it's strong he says if the people do not have different vantage points a wall about giving the lecture to a group of people listening is not tired that's not telling but this really says it start in emotion if there ten people in a row be if there are loving viewpoints on something different is not tired only if there's a vantage point of each person that's valid listen there's a sane way of looking at life for certain personally then only there is valid is but not all at once came to shield by less and he loved it say yes the ready ready you see here is a great vision and understanding of people so I said what do you see that you're so excited he said I see the last place on earth is dialog there's different vantage points said the last place on earth of dialog that was his line this conversation there's vantage point such people the others how Tyler must be then of course there's a discussion and then there may be has more experience that's all true and then the Emmis that emerges that's that's the tired process the conversation back and forth does that there's a trailer we say before we start learning before a person begins to learn Tyler the chili we say in its favor we say I shouldn't say the smaller my friends laugh at me I shouldn't say it's part of a yes will be a very my friends left me now we all know you need two more for everything in its out of Ishmael you say certainly the fact that we haven't we're going to abase Madras I shouldn't say a smaller that's not that that's very important at my friends that's where I shouldn't laugh for him I have my questions that we babble for that that I shouldn't I shouldn't say something in learning obviously because a and my friends left me one chatter bhushanam tomorrow breakfast so the trailer I am a question on you know what bothers me so unfocused your banking situation ability to sit I should have the comprehension why is the guy diving I shouldn't say the dance well and people laugh at me that someone focus to what's about to happen zone in talked about that burning tire no pitch McEnaney and sharpest and I shouldn't say that funny the people I said I said something so silly but why is that the Taylor before I learned that I should have say some of my friends left it's only a question if we don't understand learning toy is the process of different vantage point saying they're spoilers if my friends know that I sent a if my friends met that might respect the motel is like that day it's a very focused Tina it's a focused team and we're saying the process of lumenok tires should happen before the version says it says and whether Schneider chelation two people sitting the only way and different areas emotion Bateson two sitting of scoffers so they ain't been named it always bothered me the words there's not a million different i words should say two people sitting there anyway entire what's the Langham does not between them different tell you it's a city of staffers says your cousin varies very both of them but there's no exchange ideas they're not learning from each other there's no people learning from other one is to learn installed nation lightsome does not believe in the retire there's not a respect and appreciation for the smaller this or less its emotionalism the timidity keep it right with Bob at each other and Tyler couldn't be they couldn't be part of the messiahís Italian that's not time if you're not respecting appreciating the smaller of the next person she ready to be called the webby esters all you will each one is saying do you know that ki Vega didn't work his children write the word Tommy diminished rumors he said if you ever see the way that I wrote the Summoner my Talmud you should know I didn't write with somebody switched them he has a lateral raise tells his children never kill my students my students there's from all of them I feel they're bigger than me I've seen things bigger there's not one better we're Talmud sake a beggar said his children do you save of teacher toys as it is to see another's perspective do you say to being mechanical children is to understand that was the you that I left out yesterday morning on Chavez Coalition to understand with another's perspective still have to apply yourself to somebody else's perspective coming out of our perspective we may be goody-goody parents who've never one side the principal's office need to accept this one while your person being dragged to the principal's office and sitting there and in trouble and to say there take it accept it with it understand the new perspective on life that is it for you ladies but now learn a new perspective of life that is an absolute must of being the planet our children is understanding a new perspective our life understanding in the way it makes us so big to come out of ourselves there is nothing in the world that brings us out of ourselves like our children nothing in the mail gives us out of ourselves like I Tommy didn't to me this is a start of understanding me tell me the race in the coulomb already works within us and brings our greatness in us all Tom made them take us out of ourselves I don't know if there's an experience of more learning in our lives when you come out of yourself when you come out of you have the average point when you become large and you see another's perspective that is a large person to see another perspective that's a very large person the word grundle the very weird goggle means trans governments large the very word brother means to a professor that's a Russian word goddesses Hesed cognizant this godless assassin yes it doesn't mean to do a level that's a very superficial view of person the person is to come out of yourself has I'll teach us that to the armrest relax I won't give him his knees he's lacking Ghazala in the depth tell us why would he say the needs that Donny's lacking obviously if it's his needs necessarily it's obviously he's laughing really listen what's that show you have so many the answer is that if you have a rich guy who's used to having people run in front of him so here kind of so and so here comes sailing so when you collect money for him you're obligated to get in runners to run in front of him now could you imagine somebody comes around and says we collect the money to buy planing a yacht the instinct would be to say I myself will never yet and you want me to give money so he should ever yet we are yes and stop thinking about yourself no but he needs a yet come out of yourself sink and others think another's perspective another's anger that's reinvested that's depressing shouldn't sell me are you shrinking him are you thinking his perspective his vantage point come out of your self is the deepest I said and plus it is called grundle god damn is hazard the thing that makes us the greatest granddaughters are children when we really come out of ourselves what is perspective what's their perspective that's your needs how does she experience in life when we can come out of herself in that way we truly become large we might not be fives but if you could understand the five where does he sing what is he experienced and what is she experiencing if we really apparently that's our obligation in being the Rebbe that's an obligation in giving Oliver that's our obligation to come out of ourselves to just see another vantage point we have nothing to teach somebody if we don't understand somebody we have nothing to give them if we don't understand them already came to me I was in LA this year and the Rebbe came to me and he said he said he very ants that sad that can again he asked me the following question he said that I teach in a modern school and I'll spend money and the kids come over to my house and I'll buy them delicious things and really such an ounce today and I'll spend my money on the welcome and they come over to my house and they come in they're disinterested they're on their cell phones the whole time they're all just talking and they're nice boys and I said oh my gosh I said they are so full of you as I'm sitting there they were on their cell phones this interest I have so many things I want to teach so many values so many of you and then I'm interested in me they said to me it was so sad and so ends to the side that if again they're not interested what's your game so I said whether they watch you on their cell phones I said whether they like time or then as I said you're exactly you're a great up with them they're not interested in you and you're not interested in them you want them to be interested in you and you're not interested that's not a fair deal I once asked the Rebbe what team he told me about cos not interested in me so I said what's his favorite football team it was the Jets I'm a Giants fan sign I know it's a Jets fan so I said what's the season I'm are there I said you're not interested in him why should I be interested in you and I don't we don't matter and you know we don't know we get that we to know him to know his football team we have to be curious about him about when he likes if nobody's entry when he's who is he you have to understand before you understood you have to understand who is this you have to come out of yourself what's this world but not in escape really really what are they not you whether they see you know you learn things by the way you learn things about all different things will teach me please teach me and there's a lot to teach it's not really crazy there's a lot of interesting things people are curious about and if you understand them and value in the one but you have Ho beg you for your tire ho beg for your tire when is understood when somebody's understood they want to understand you if you're interested in who he is and what he is he wants to know about you that's the people were curious about the people who like us who appreciate us who understand us understand who we are nation I value the first three episodes the Robin show you through the first three episodes were taught about Malaysia or caring about our - miss when I rented the thermal solar ready us me a rabbit totally i marketed to this year I was teaching the first time in my life and he said to me what are we doing about a certain buffer why don't we do is the best game I share when we do giving him a hug a kiss celebrating is unbelievable system every day he has acne what do you do about his acne understanding his world here's acne what are you doing about it softly beside the canary to swell lastly what are you doing about his actress I'm leaving : teacher Taylor what are you doing about exactly make sure they arrive miss of lesson Russian or Misaki the first three episodes his Robin is teaching witness telling understands and appreciates who cares about their world can show them in the world there's no shyness you can't teach it tell you worried about his acne you can show them in the world the care of understanding that must be here and the coming out of ourselves to see another perspective another another world and to understand it and care for it and then so badly they want to know about what we're teaching what we what we have when we understand is that wherever would understand them they would crave to understand him to really understand what are you what are you about to be curious they'd be begging him please tell us more tell us more the clapping it's true vert if this is the Bayside with this understanding with this understanding of Reps enough is all of a sudden our children and raising children to me is the best experience of my life I used to call my Rebbe my levy I call my children my available because they forced me to come out of myself like nothing else in my life my children we all of a sudden the good man which says me tell me that Lisa Nicole the one who fears us more and more to come out of ourselves all the sudden because I maybe we're moving towards I don't say it's a full explanation of a gazelle but maybe understanding more but certainly the opportunity to teach our children to give over the values to our children over suddenly we understand them very sudden the opportunity to teach and to inspire the only sudden opportunity to become of them is a life-changing opportunity for ourselves of growth of learning self-awareness of learning just to come out of ourselves that you may be that greatness that fester that godless the deep way coming out of ourselves I want to say one last point on Plymouth and then close close on a totally separate topic for five minutes the last point I want to say I'm Kenneth just from conversations with people over Chavez some want to say that with our children and our wives as fast as Y star husband's husband's to life parents to children the way you teach people closer to yourself is different than the way you teach people more distance from yourself I want to tell you something how many is shave and once in a while we were visiting speaker and I always observe the visiting speaker comes and speaks and it can be a good speech of the others fix I always observe a revolution that cannot speak to his own you shiver in your shave I don't give speeches never I can't explain it's not a speech we sit together and we study tired there are no speeches I can't speak whether you're close to somebody a speech is designed somebody you don't know that when you stand up and you give an exchange of ideas you speak when you're close to somebody could you imagine a man who sits his wife that I would like to give you a speech now is how you transmit ideas to people you're close to you don't give a speech to your spouse just be great and as you say it is spoken when all the time - there's a lot of fasteners going on a lot of bucking I'm close to our getting married these days and all the time I'll get a call I want to teach my wife don't tell you wifely thing be great be great that's how you teach people very close to you the way we transmit to our children is who cares what you tell your son your essence is that you're much too close to speak you don't get over to his children sit down who you are is how you teach the ones close to you then you happens to happen I have this year we have that relationship just be close and just be great and that's going to teach you you do for the people near you if you're not close then you don't have to share a room to teach them having relationship spend time understand as right into them then we are impacts them you're much too close for speech you don't get me you are shout so loud maybe always so so loud that you can't hear what we say you just don't hear could you imagine talking to your son of this crazy music stuff 20 maybe it's his own and just came out there he can't hear over the music well nobody can hear us over who we are you just can't hear over who we are the way we teach people close to us is that who we are and keeping the communication close remove our teenage children be close to them have a close relationship and then the line that's the you mill there in the world now because you're close if you're not close then who you are it will not be transmitted to them but you're not close you know close now just be special and everything you are will be transmitted to your children because you're close that is the means of transforming what we want to give to our children is being special that many Fazal and rise to this the Schwab spoke extensively about this but I wanted to share that sort