The Bar Mitzvah Series Part 10: The Feelings of the Bar Mitzvah Boy

this torah class is brought to you by torahanytime.com okay good morning so we still don't have a set masaka to do on friday today we're going to speak about a very interesting indian that is relevant to bar mitzvah of course and let's start by learning uh some of the halacha is about we know that what could be a very touchy and sensitive subject is who's usually on every any given shabbos there about 300 people on the show why are you because his niece graduated so he's a here why is this guy a kiev because he hasn't been to show in five years so a lot of people are ubim but we have to learn what exactly are the uvm so the beer and simmon kuflam sim and clue these are for people who have no clue right so that's how you remember what what simon it's in viato has gone now we're going to learn the obligations for the gabay who's to command these people to read because technically speaking if you get an aliyah you need to read from the torah attack on hagers this is based on the enactments and the practices that put in place like it's explained in the lavosh in the maganavram in semen reish pepes number one here are some of him the day that you get married okay you're so if somebody wants to get aliyah you know notwithstanding takana rabbino gershon if you want to get an aliyah so you get you get married that day if you cancel later we'll still let you keep the aliyah okay that we sing to him that's called the afroff the shabbos before the hasanah you are mazamera the khasan the hassan is a bar mitzvah a kid who becomes a bar mitzvah that week the is is not a khiev the grandfather is not a free of the great grandfather is not a fear of the uncle is not a here and the schwere is also not okay as a guy comes into to show he tells the god i have seven three of him who i have my father-in-law good for you if the father wants to give money to the show then rather he becomes the fear of that the show is going to have to give him away there's no here to give an aliyah to any anybody in the family the husband of a woman who gave birth he's a kiev if she comes to shoal if she's not in shows got it that uh there there is a halacha that before a woman leaves the house after it's a minute before a woman leaves the house after she has a baby she first hears the dovers of akdusha so the shabbos that a woman comes to show for the first time after her baby the husband's son no shabbos before it always means the same thing shabbos means the shabbos of the day that the father mother passed away avi yelled the father of a baby boy and the shabbos before his brasmila fiesh makayama again some say the maya and the sanneke are also they just give them okay now so these are all now the question is order of operations who comes first see if one guy is a yard side one guy's a bar mitzvah one guy his wife is in shul one guy is a male you know who comes first on the day of his wedding is number one he trumps everyone i feel the nationalism is that even a kid who's a bar mitzvah so you have it's a monday you have two people one guy is getting married and one guy is becoming a bar mitzvah the hassan takes precedence the kosher came to kaido the art side certainly the hassan takes precedence over yard site he's number one number two you have to meet after you got married no on that day today how about a lot of things we're talking about this case the day that you get married you trump everybody even a bar mitzvah even a yard site number two narsha nasa bar mitzvah a kid who became a bar mitzvah that week imya iranis provided that he lives in the city if he's a stranger but if he lives in the city you call him he comes first kim and shusman this is when we're training him okay and when the kid gets called up the father makes abraham so now number one is what number two is bar mitzvah on the shabbos of his bar mitzvah number three except the afroff is equal to a bar mitsuboy so now what are you going to do you have an offer of you have a bar mitzvah boy what are you going to do the answer that's why there's seven alias on shabbos now the question is what if you have a bunch of uh off roofs and a bunch of bar mitzvahs what do you do via lugarro you make a lottery heads or tails what yeah you get a shabbos coin they're made brought to you by the the makers of shabbos lamp and chavez brush they have the shabbos coin for uh the the uh bar mitzvah afrof uh dilemma then ain't not nationalized but if the bar mitzvah doesn't live in the city absolutely even though you have to call him up he will not push off any other he will not push off any other okay so so far we learned number one is number two which are equal is afrof no there's no there's no order here is the question that we need to deal with and that is what okay well similar to what you're asking what aliyah should you give about mr boy i'm not asking what they do that has no bearing on what you should do what aliyah should you give the bar mitzvah boy the minogue is to give them after is not a real leader for that medina but mccomas does not have that asylum after before he says it is absolutely incorrect to give a bar right after the reason being is why do you give him an aliyah you want to show yesterday he was a katan and today he's a goddam the problem is that in no way does the giving him um after indicate that he's a godot because he could give a katam after he says upon a minute unless if he's going to read them after so if he's going to read them after then it's okay that the cut down gets after here's the question very interesting question you have a yard site and you have a bar mitzvah boy who should get them after her now typically an avel or a yard site is supposed to come after the reason is there's a special indian that an aval drama writes that an avel if if somebody's in your base hoidesh they should try to get mafta and lay in the haftarah as often as possible there's a special indian for a yard site to get mafta and the minute is you give a kid mafter for his bar mitzvah so what do you do if you have a yard sight who's supposed to come after and a kid who's supposed to be after either way they're both going to get a leos but there's only one math there who should read them after so if you look at number four in the nimuke anybody know who wrote nimuke this is the minha the monk he writes a very interesting shiloh bottom line is let's say you only have one aliyah let's say on a monday you have a bar mitzvah boy and you have a yard side who's going to get the aliyah bar mitzvah so bar mitzvah takes precedence but now it's shabbos so either way they're both going to get a leos but now the question is who should get them after um your side you're not getting an aliyah for you you're getting it for the mace he's pushed away he's thanking hashem that he enters the fold and he's entering as a member of the covenant of the christian torah bashabash during the week the answer is on shabbos there are more people in the shul and it's a way of publicly showing gratitude hashem that you entered the fold shalom why but when he really got an aliyah because it could be what if his bar mitzvah was friday and he didn't get aliyah says aloy plug they were masaki and about mitsuboy always gets an aliyah i and what about the shules that they call up the bar mitzvah from after the week before they're a bunch of fools he says burus this is a foolish costume the problem is before his bar mitzvah who should get them after or and the who should get the shlishi so he says the name of brahma in the name of the cowboy shannon of el during 12 months and during the yard site maf dear benovi you hear this it's very it's a minute that people don't know about everyone knows about oh you have to darwin mara of matsushabus what about getting after the alveo's supposed to come after omis palo alves matashabas now what's the indian of the other getting after why should he get mafta shall aliyah after sight yesterday what's the connection between mafta and other aliyahs after who pakistan why would you give him after it's the least of all the aliyahs the katan that's why because i'll say that why does the master david moses it's an appeasement to him that he got you know why the opinion is that an oval reads mafter because he gets to say seven brahes all together seven brachas like the ramos says in the name of the matters in the story rabbi akiva that when uh when a nifter's son says kadashi therefore the master is appropriate because he gets the miles of the bronchis every week every single week why not yes it is the minute is the father rama if you can thing is that um yeah many are yeah many available only diamond in a show where they give them after what's the medical version we have uh young people but um but what's again you know it's practically speaking it's hard to give the same avail every single week but all things being equal if you need someone from after you should choose another yeah my father's not been on it um but in a big show you have a show with 300 people you can't practically speak there's more than one and you can't take them after every week but you know there are let's say on him that if you're you know you could finagle it so again it's the whole thing by the way you know what else ramos says that a novel should be mazamine he should lead the siemens if you come together that's ramos says now he says um i so you say well if the whole thing is saying the brachais so why weren't they missing that the of el davin's before the ahmad which is more in other words nowadays the available for the ahmad but it's not brought down that way it's brought down the elbow says kaddish right he says that's not a question not everybody what i thought during the week right so he says because not everybody knows that i had a diamond for the mood but most people they know how to dive in the haftara because they had a bar mitzvah teacher he says that's the minoguin krakow and it's written in the takano sham the vader baska must cover her why because if you hear the way people dive in for the um you know it's not doesn't bring nakazura to the nifter when matsumiya karen yeshua karen well it's chinese it's karen you have to not read hebrew so if somebody who doesn't know how to read the ibrah gets up and mangles and slaughters and shacks the twila it's not a zuchus for the nifter so you have to know how to davin not borochata baruch people you know they read it as if they're reading english you have to know how to pronounce the words el you know so if you don't know how to pronounce the words so you're better off letting somebody else down for the um therefore in krakow they did not let in of el davin for the um i don't know he says so why only mayor of people know how to read the words a little bit um you don't know you don't how much hebrew do you need to be able to read to david marav all you need to know is baruch there's no such word ms maybe it's simis there's a word but not ms it's ms right um then in kadesh what are people saying the whole year assessors most people it's min koberkosa you only say what it's right there's no word um there's no barack obama unless you're making you see him whatever he's every three minutes he's making barack obama cersei for the whole year and even during assassination but most say you don't say uh okay anyway yeah yeah and a regular caddish you don't say bra people say oh you say no and he's sitting there that's not what the shirt is about today i'm just telling you la la mikal it's a min call inspired them also have to keep not just asking them every day are you saying what so in krakow they didn't let you dive in for the ahmad why because most people don't know how to read the words um he says only you have a regular shots negative if somebody does know how to diamond before the um it's a much bigger is close to them for the um than kaddish kaddish is for was masaki for people don't know how to read people get very into the college kaddish's second tier first tier is dominating for ahmad because since the master you could even put up a cotton therefore what are you going to do if you have a yasayam so if you have a yaasaim you're able to malamite him and he could be a rugged to read them after therefore when he gets older he'll be able to read them after for a yard site okay meaning why were they misaki in uh kaddish for kittanim because he can't die for the ahmad so too they're massaging mafter because sometimes you'll have a cotton who can't uh down for the ahmad i hope i go to i know okay let's say lakewood when he wasn't brother-in-law they don't know if they just have alcohol right he says they're not here for everybody everybody they don't and they don't allow anybody nobody no bar mitzvah yeah right in a way that's much better because very few people know what they're doing on the other hand very few people will ever know what they're doing if they never have a chance you know so that's the that's the balance right yeah right in many places in lakewood they don't let bar mitzvah boys lane um so it has its ups and downs no only jewish people don't he doesn't say it why it makes them feel good i don't know i know okay so basically so what do you do you have a yard sight you have a bar mitzvah boy who gets them after him very interesting you know what the reason why the avel says mafter the same way in avail says kaddish because kaddish is something we could give in avail so that they could do even if math there's also something given adele because it's something they could do even if they were a katan but says the monkatcher me allah and viarad whoever went up to heaven and came down and told us what really gives uh it tastes good to the mess in other words did anyone ever go up to shamayim and see the geshemak that a mess gets out of laning to have tyre for them nobody really knows the islam it could be it's because of the rebuy habraj but a katan who turns 13 meaning the mankato is saying like this what's the reason a yardstick gets the maf tear is it because it's like kaddish it's something we could give to a novel even when they're caught on and in that case there's nothing special about mafta for a yard side so if you have a yard sign and bara mitsubo you'll give them after to the bar mitsuboi or is it that there's something very special about mafter to an ovel and then the yard side will take them after over the bar mitzvah so bottom line he says when it comes to a bar mitzvah boy who is bar mitzvah on that day that he could get another aliyah ah he's been spending the last year learning his maf there from a bar mitzvah teacher and you spent a hundred dollars an hour and you spent thousands of dollars and now comes you know his muzzle is some guy has your side on his shabbos hagamsha malamusa your thousands of dollars is not enough of a reason to push off the art site and therefore bottom line is bar mitzvah yard site mafter yard site you hear this alkane horizon shabbalah you're saying i say i'm quite him after how about happen to the father that doesn't count did you do it forgive me what are you going to do it causes people out of uh a lot of things about the practicality about mitchell studies for a year and he doesn't know that's what he asked and the answer is you know yeah and he says but the darkest shalom you should make a girl and hopefully the yard site will win that's what he says he says the nfl they have like these coins you know heads the home team tails away team so yeah you make special coins they have them ready in the stores you know they're already marketing them roll coins for bar mitzvah you're outside dilemmas there's a big controversy somebody rigged the bar mitzvah yard site you know there's a big story in the shiva world news about that yeah so this is why i'm giving this shirt today said nar bar mitzvah comes before mafta why because he taught in the brachas and the half torah and it's a tremendous tsar to push him off basically in the safer oyster mister it's brought that if you taught the you know maybe practically maybe a halachically the art side has a din kadima but what about the ingredient of the tremendous style you're causing the kid and he says and i saw taka khazonesh paskin that you should give it to the bar mitzvah even against the yard side because of the tsar of the kids that's what he quotes the khazanesha saying i didn't trust him so i looked it up and he doesn't say that it doesn't say that in that way in the safer dean of august it says one time there was a master and a yard sight and the khazanesh paskind with nate tsar that that you should give it to the bar mitzvah boy the swara being that the yard side will lane in the haftar this this after every year for the rest of his life bar mitzvah boy it's only a one time thing now it doesn't say the khazanir said always that's the halacha one time meaning there was one specific instance where khazanesh realized that under the circumstances he weighed the situation and he came out it's kadai to give it to the bar mitzvah boy that circumstance will always have the same issue that the yeah but the circumstance of what you know what if it's uh a kid who barely knows to have torah and didn't really put in the time and the father is a big bald medius and the father doesn't care and it's the yard side is you know it depends on the circumstance what if they're at two next case because we have to finish in two minutes yeah next case yeah next case so kid's a little preparing he's been preparing his promising pressure for two and a half years he got the best teacher he got pavarotti and healthcare to train his voice and right and he's been practicing right and he has it down and then he realized they made a mistake his bar mitzvah shift him and they find out the friday before the bahamas the father made a mistake he looked at the calendar and he messed up suicide now what yeah you can have the kid laying the power shot he's not a he's not a goddamn ramosha is a chuva that if there's a miscalculation is the katan allowed to read the torah the mugging of ram look at number seven could you be makel and allow the kid to read the parasha under those circumstances uh chuva he quotes the mugging of sunrise pepes he brings from the canisters that uh cotton can't read the parasha but the prima caught on oil aluminium zion even in the olden days when he could get one of the alley oils says red moisture an amazing thing ramosa basically says the lumdus of kriya satora is not shaymayaka i have a question when you're about kairei do you have to have in zinn to be might see the listeners like by kriyasan magilla no so there's no kavana lahaitsi and la you can't be makeout is not correct that how could a cut down lane for others he says all the shitois of the acharyan like the prima goddamn that bishop but medina if it's going to be at sargodo for the bar mitzvah boy and the family you could have the kid laying his parasha even though he's not a bar mitzvah under the circumstances hear this he doesn't get an alia because he's too young right maybe no no no it could be as well because um cotton is oil aluminium right rabbi one last case [Music] we know that uh maftir there's a lot of leniency that a cotton could get them after meaning the last aliyah even if he's a katan and he could read it too right yeah what about pasha zachar so the rama says yes pascha yes precious brother ramos says he could get the aliyah is he fearful he could get the aliyah aye says look at number nine here look in the rama for a minute he says um katan the answer is nowadays though there's about koi so hobie might see everyone however says mr brother there are those who are not to call up a cotton for zachar or pasha's para at number 11. the story was you had a kid and uh nobody ever told him that you don't give a bar mitzvah parches para to lane them after and tulane right the zoi and he prepared it and they asked of shama zamin could this kid who you know he wasn't even leaning his partial he prepared was the uh them after and therefore under the circumstances you should let the kid laying precious para say yeah man you know where's that but that's not waka we're croissants does this come from the 5th you know as they say the fish is common sense says no this doesn't come from the fifth shall and therefore it's actually worse to insult a katan than to insult agano if you have um if you have issues and you feel you need to insult someone you're better insulting again goddamn katan so katherine is not the name there are many stories of gaddafilam who at the bar mitzvah of kids came to the bar mitzvah to be able to ask for mahima because they couldn't ask for mahila before so therefore zalman says it's very important to be sensitive to the needs of children and this per this kid over here he's not a barista boy he's a child so you have to be very sensitive i'm only bringing this in so basically there are three instances in halacha where the feelings of the bar mitzvah boy actually change the halacha case number one is he'll trump a yard site even though a yard site really should have kadima for them after case number two is if he prepared the wrong parasha and he's not a bar mitzvah boy bashas going to let him lane in case number three if he accidentally prepared pasha's para but i do recommend that if you're making a bar mitzvah make sure you get it right and make sure the kid is a bar mitzvah and he lanes the right parsha and um yeah so actually i'm uh i'm giving this shirt here but i'm not giving it on shout outs i don't i'm not giving a shirt about leaning the wrong parsha and my son's gonna be sitting there you know i don't want to get him nervous or anything okay so this is uh special for you guys okay and here's the good news you've just experienced another torah class brought to you by torahanytime.com