Parshas Terumah: The Donations of the Mishkan - Can You Accept Tzedakah From a Woman?

this Torah class is brought to you by Torah anytime.com okay tonight says regarding the donations of the Mish let them take for me from every man whose heart generously compels him should take my Trum So the word is is of note every man why does it say why isn't sufficient why why does it say every man so the picks up takes note of this word is and he says well this fits very well into the wellknown that if you are a the is a cannot collect a DBA from a woman that means if a woman wants to give for a may not accept it a g may only accept from a woman and therefore obviously here when it comes to the Mish they're donating and therefore if a woman would come to offer a for the Mish we would not be able to accept it and that's why the pan fact says may is says look at number two a married woman we're not authorized to accept a big donation like it says at the end and by the way even though the as referring to the well that fits in very well as well because women are not that's why when you give them you don't have to give it on half of your wife maybe there's a but either way the is a does not accept matuba from a woman only from a man the question is why not why can't you accept a matuba why can't you accept a sizable amount of from a woman so let's see the the the m is talking about buying various items the Mish says number three you can't buy wool from a Shepherd you assume he stole it you can't accept milk from a Shepherd you assume he stole it you can't accept young goats if somebody is a fruit guard you can't accept from them to buy wood you assume they stole it in other words if you know that somebody stole something you can't buy from them but you're allowed to buy from from a woman clay yudal and P in the gal and in Theon you're allow to buy from a woman wool garments why Rashi explains men don't usually sell wool garments and we could assume that the husband is not mockit if his wife sells wool garments he probably gave it to her to sell it's not a man's type of occupation to sell wool garments at least not in the times of the mishna and therefore we could assume the woman is selling it authorized in the gilee they had a lot of linen in the Shon they had a lot of calves okay but any time a Shepherd or a woman says I'm selling you this do me a favor don't show anybody what you bought so now they're selling fishy right obviously this is very suspicious why doesn't she want anybody to see what what she's selling obviously she must have stole it or the shepherd must have stole it so if they give any kind of instruction don't allow anybody to see what we're selling then you cannot buy from them in other words what we're learning from this mishna is that a woman does not have full rights to money if she's married who does the money belong to the money belongs to the husband once a woman gets married her money her assets belong to her husband is you don't like it you do like it I don't really care that's that's the fact those are the facts that's well does she have the right to spend money yeah it's presumably the husband allows her to spend money on the things that the household needs what if she's selling things so if they're small items and we assume the husband allows her to sell it you could buy it however if there's any suspicion that she's done doing it without the permission of the husband you can't buy it from her so now the issue is what if a woman wants to give Sedaka so let's see you buy from women you could buy from women wool and garments and but not wine or oil or flour because wine oil and flour that's a man's type of occupation usually men sold wine so therefore if a woman selling wine you have to be suspicious she may have she may be selling it without permission from the husband what yeah yeah now the says this is interesting a woman could sell four or five din in other words like this a married woman has a Biblical obligation to cover her hair by the right it's not a Minh it's not a it's not it's we learnning out from the sa so up to a certain amount of money a woman is allowed to sell items so that she could cover her hair so I was told you know don't talk about this topic maybe about women covering their hair not everyone covers their hair but you know especially I should I should not so I'm not going to talk about the topic of women pulling the ha out of the sh not going to talk about it I was told not to talk about it cuz now people are not going to listen so I'm not going to talk about it I'm not going to mention the fact that a woman can't take her hair and stick it above the shato that would be a topic I would choose not to talk about because I don't want to speak about anything that people are not going to listen but in case somebody May listen it's important to know that there is no permissibility for a woman to take her here and remove it and stick it above the sh it's not it's more than the require fired share but let's not talk about those types of subjects but it could be that's why the husband allows her to spend four or five dinar to cover here even though you could say a sh cost more than four or five din right what what sh is going to cost less than four five the answer is talking about a cover for the little piece of hair that's sticking out maybe that's what the gar is talking about okay let's quickly move on to other subject now the gar continues the gamar says like this this is very important okay l look uh four lines at the end says okay look on the fourth line here we have it a Gaba if a woman comes and says here I'm giving you uh $2 for Saka the gab could take it I'm giving you I don't know $4 for tadaka I'm giving you $535 he could take it but not AA if if a woman comes to a Yesa and he said and she says here are $10,000 you take the check and you say sorry we can't accept it that's what the gamar says the gar continues here's the clencher came to the women of came out to they placed before him cavi bracelets and chains in other words they wanted to sell him they wanted to give him a gift he accepted it he accepted jewelry from these women what's going on the gar just said AB said that a gab cannot accept theba so how could accept this great gift says the how could you accept this great gift it's a listen carefully these guys are heavy RZA they all make big salaries to them gold and jewelry is nothing to them money is like water in other words the concept of DBA D mu is a relative Concept in other words if you're in a society where people are struggling and a woman comes and gives 100 bucks that might be a d maruba if you're in a a wealthy society and a woman gives $500 that may not be D in other words the concept of DBA and D is a relative concept okay so let's investigate this at first especially how this plays a role in the look at number five the men came literally what does it mean Al on the ladies every generous-hearted person they brought their rings and their nose rings the tabas and their regular Rings theas kumas is a is a gold covering of the Z so the question is what does it mean it should say what's says the you know what it means the men came on the women that means they came inspecting exactly what the women were doing they came monitoring what the women were doing you know why cuz if a woman were not to have come to the mishan and say here here's my ring here's my bracelet the gab would not have been allowed to accept it because G cannot accept from a woman therefore when the women came to donate the men made sure to be standing right there to give their HK they signed away know like if you have to take care of your wife's credit card bill so you know you make the call they say who are you what do you mean who am I'm the husband husband what's that that we we don't care about we have to speak to the the name on the card so you have to get the wife to say I give permission for you to speak to my husband but I'm paying the bill it doesn't matter we don't care right same thing when you want to take money from a woman the husband has to be standing there authorizing the transaction that's how the learns why you could only accept from a woman a small amount so now we have to discuss you know nowadays they have uh brunches teas all kinds of events for women Sedaka events where the women take out the checkbook write out a check are they allowed to do that could the sedu organizations accept it they in fact last night I met a Riva he said um said what's a Shar on tomorrow night I said whether you could accept Saka from women he said from women I have three buildings with a woman's name on it okay so let's see hopefully we'll be able to keep them open right okay so the um the ptic says in in every wise-hearted woman spun with her hands they brought what they wo as so the saer par wonders what makes the woman what makes these women have they're wise-hearted so they know how to sew it's not what what makes them have what is the meaning of they spun with their hand says number eight whatever money A woman has a married woman has the the husband owns but what if a woman says you know is a woman allowed to eat supper of course she could eat supper I mean the husband has to provide for her right it's the obligation of the husband to provide what if the woman says you know you're get tonight supper I'm having a piece of chicken a p a potato cougle and some string beans I'm going to donate my potato coule to the Ani could she do that yeah because that's hers already the husband already gave that to her so in other words she could be mamat from her food she could take away some of her portion and give it to a n or if let's say somebody gives a woman a gift Al that the husband has no rights to it she could give that away now the question is but what if a woman Works who the money that she makes where does that who owns that money so the r that the the money that a woman Works goes to her husband in exchange for the that the husband provides her in other words the husband sustains her the husband feeds her the husband clothes her and in turn her money goes to the husband but what if she says I don't want your money I make more money than you so you keep your money you don't support me and I won't give you my money she's allowed to do that it's called you don't feed me and I don't give you my money she could do that says the in the midbar the husband's not supporting the wife the M came from m whatever money she made on her own is in her pocket in other words the only reason why she gives the money to the husband is because the husband provides for her the husband doesn't provide for her she keeps the money so in the midbar she she had the m so she got to keep whatever she did with her own hands says every woman who's a who knew that if her husband is not providing for her she could keep what she makes with her hands so then she sewed with her hands and then she was able to donate that in other words it comes out beautiful look at number five and number seven all the gold and the jewelry and the silver the things that she took out of M they go to the husband so therefore in order for her to donate it you needed the men there but whatever she's making with her own hands is her her since the husband is not providing for her she owns since she owns it she could bring it on her own you don't need the men to be standing by giving consent okay so that is the background of how it applies to the Mish let's try to understand some of the the ra number n the ra says like this fourth line could take from a woman if she offers a small amount why we presume that if she's giving a large amount she doesn't have the permission of the husband what's a small amount says the it's relative it depends how much money the husband has if the husband's a multi-millionaire maybe $1,000 is not a lot if the husband is is eeking it out maybe $100 is too much says the RAs why you allowed to take a small man why you allowed to take $5 from a woman but the husband owns that technically also says Ras cuz we assume the husband would not be mock but what if every time somebody knocks on the door the wife gives $2 and all of a sudden from the other end of the door you hear him the husband say you did what you gave $5 that means the husband is M even on a so if you know the husband is m you can't even take from the wife a quarter it's just presumed he wouldn't be okay and therefore says like this says the same thing as the ra that a cannot take a but he could take a but if the you can't even take adds that if a woman was money to Saka before she got married let's say she pledged money before she got married married and now she gets married the husband has to honor that pledge because she was obligated to give to uh to give that money before she got married but a pledge that a wife gives the husband has no obligation to honor she had no right to make the pledge in to begin with it's not incumbent down the husand okay next Shila you ready now now we're going we're going to get bottom line they make an appeal for the sh let's say for this sh we're going to be building a beautiful Sho so if anybody wants to sponsor you could check outside there are a lot of things still available anybody out there want to sponsor you could also send it in let us know so a woman we make an appeal for the sh and um woman announces $100,000 Kil I want to sponsor the rabbi's copy machine so and she said my husband lets my husband lets do you believe her does she have if she says my husband lets says a woman is believed you're right if she wants to give a maruba you can't accept it but if she says my husband left you could believe her why a she has no reason to lie why would she lie she has nothing compelling her so this how that we accept the word of the woman if the woman says her husband allows the husband gives permission take it to the bank cash the check don't ask any questions comes look at number 15 and somebody asked that you know if you look in the tan and you look in the tan it says in the that they rule over the possessions equally so somebody want to say if that's what it says in the tanam that they have both equal ownership over the assets then why would you not be able to accept to accept the uh the NVA of the woman that's what it says that's what it says but that's not what it means don't take the T so seriously you're right it says the woman has equal rights to the assets but it's a lie we don't really mean it it's just like a nice thing to write you know like some subas they have flowers around it you know they have designs they're also not you don't have have to have designs it just makes people feel warm and cozy when their Cuba has flowers on it it also makes a couple feel cozy that they share the assets but it's not true they don't that's sh's first answer they do not how do I know because the gar says you can't accept the from a woman say you're not going to push away a g and from the or he says what a kamin is there are certain possessions the B has let's say certain assets a woman brings into the marriage if she writes it in the she gets it at the end of the marriage if it goes up the man keeps the extra if it goes down he has to make up the extra that means she's guaranteed whatever she brought into the marriage so if that's the case he owns that but she owns so maybe what it means is there's certain assets that are his possession and certain assets that are her possession but whatever money she brings in they do not share 50/50 but rather they belong to the husband or says it couldn't be what the of the means but just you know say don't say take the don't take the so seriously you know my brother wants ask me it says in the know I'm going to work every guy who's learning he's working says know he said he said I'm going to work right that's what the real they know how you have to know how to read it so here also it could be you could say you think we're going to split it that's like that's a special but says another it doesn't mean they actually own the assets equally it means that they commit themselves to ask each other's advice and to be sh from each other and not to do any anything without the consent of the other party but in terms of ownership the ownership is the husbands okay so bottom liners says don't be swayed by the language of the tanan next case but we're going to see we're building one one principle upon the other and then we're going to see how we apply it next number 16 you have a woman she's married to a multi-millionaire they make a appeal and Sh yeah and everybody donates $11,000 and this guy he has more money than anybody call $18 a cheap skate and the wife doesn't like it so the wife says you know what he's obligated to give whatever certain amount whatever it is I'll give it for him I would never give away his money without his permission but this is money he has to give he's obligated to give to so what if a woman comes to the sh or to the Yesa or to the and she and she says I'm just giving what my husband is obligated to give could we take that money says it's Gaza it's Gena can can't take it why says it's true that if our hands were strong then bz could go around to every guy and say show me your bank account bank account I don't have any American bank account I mean in Switzerland I want to know what's going on over there I want to know I want to know stocks I want to know bonds I want to know mutual funds bezin could tell the guy open up the books you're giving 2% you have to give my you have to give AES and the me could say either you give the 10 or 20% now or we'll take away your car bz have the authority to do that but says the wife is not bezan who appointed the wife to take the place of bezan the wife has no authority to impose on the husband his sedak obligations she can't do it even though says theud there's an amazing story in the in the one day is a very wealthy man and felt wasn't giving enough Saka SOA goes over toar and he saidar I have a great business deal there's a new there's a new city up for sale I think uh we could invest and we could make big profits Tarin gave him a able he said good good idea so a few days later say where's the city that you bought oh he opens up theill and he gets to the city he gets to the PK that says when you give Saka your charity your righteousness lasts forever say that's the city the city I bought is I gave all your money to Ted andaran kisses him on the head very nice but it's Gaz so was able to basically impose that give to why can't the wife impose that the husband gives to says you have to sayaba was that RAR would have went along with him but this wife who's fulfilling his her husband's obligations she knows her husband doesn't want her to do that if that's the case says for anyone to accept the Sedaka that a woman imposes on her husband it's Gaza it's G I when David met AIG David wanted to kill no remember the story David wanted to kill nov marry AIG so what did AIG do she bribed David she gave him matuba and D took it how could Dava take this matuba from abig NOA would not have given permission says yes he would have she's bribing him to save his skin she's giving him money so that doesn't kill her husband so says would have went along with the gift that is giving because it meant saving his life okay so now I want to bring to your attention three we're going to hear now three okay three and we're going to have three disputes on these three and we'll try to come out with some type of cuz I know that a lot of people out there they're Hing to give money to the sh they're just waiting as long as as soon as they get the green light they're going to sign up for the things right okay say in then I was reading through the said that a woman who sees that her husband is not giving enough she could go ahead and give the Sedaka that her husband is obligated to give and then another said no excuse me she can't do that right you can't accept that Sak she has no authority to do that says I disagree if you have a guy who makes a Ser $100,000 a year and he's not giving his $10,000 and he's only giving $1,000 the wife could go and give away $9,000 I who appointed her a says like this if the rabbi of the that's where I come in if the rabbi of the sh determines that a certain person is not giving enough Saka but what could he do what's he going he's going to go with a baseball bat he could tell the wife listen your husband has a monetary obligation of Saka pay up and we accept the money we take the money and it's a big Mitzvah to do that after the person has to be in the mitah said you can't do that says it has to be in the times of thez still had the authority to extract Saka from somebody and therefore who appointed the wife the ban but now a days when the bezan has no power if the r of the city determines that someone is not giving up Saka the wife could be asked to give for him and you could accept it that's a big now how the rabbi knows that someone's not giving up I don't know no idea but argues on the says talk down the olden days when bezin was very powerful nowadays bz has no K has no power if if the rabbi determines someone's not giving up Sak the wife could give the comes the comes of one of the passed away recently last year says number 19 that this is not he doesn't buy it he doesn't accept it that that nowadays nowadays benzan can't do anything the rabbi certainly has no power over anybody's assets and a wife to take her husband's money without permission is Geneva so he does not accept this and he upholds the that it doesn't matter how miserly how stingy a husband is that's his problem that's something he has to deal with nothing the wife could impose on the husband okay now here we get to something very important the didn't that a woman who works the money goes to the husband that's definitely speaking about a woman who works in her house she bakes bread and she sells it from the house she makes garments and she sells it the house but what if a woman has a job she works out of the house and she comes home she can make a lot of money she can make more money than her husband who gets that money here this is heter number one again remember we spoke about the teas the the brunches the breakfast a woman's event could a woman give well says look back at number 18 middle of the piece there are those who hold if a woman has a business we do not say that it goes to husband there are certain sheas in other words if your wife works and she comes home with a paycheck and you say did you get a paycheck today and she says yeah why does it matter to you so it's even in her job in other words say if a wife works it also goes to husband others say no if this is her business if it's her job out of the house she gets to keep it it's unclear how we pasing according to the therefore says if a wife works and then she gives the money that she earns to you're allowed to keep the money it's not clear that a wife who works she gets to keep her own money says but regarding since it's you could be that if she works she could keep her own money and accept the money comes and he says if it's not clear that if when a wife works she gets to keep her money then why you allow to keep her money that she offers to Saka on the side that the money goes to husband the money she's offering you is stolen money so what what are what are you taking from her you're taking from her how could you take as a gift for I mean says the himself is saying the is is not confident other words says when a wife works out of the house if she gets to keep her own money says and therefore regarding you could be that you could accept her money why but if it's a suff and it's a how could you accept the money and therefore the sh says if the husband protests and say no I don't want you to give the money to this organization then the sh says he can't accept her money even if she works in other words the sh seems to have a very listen carefully this is the lumus of sh seems to have a very strong question on the says well a wife who works could she keep her money some say yeah some say no but certainly if she wants to give Saka you have enough what to rely on to accept her Saka ask what do you mean you have enough to rely on it's suff Gaza suff stealing so number 21 is the is f f is one of the uh was one of the in flap I think now he's in Lake but he wrote one of the great works on someone living in our time anyone anyone learning you're learning somebody who's you could speak to him you could call him up on the phone like this listen carefully says let me explain to you what the means what's the reason why if a woman offers a maruba you can't accept it because she definitely stole it she definitely doesn't have the permission of the husband it's not for sure it's a suff so a wife who offers matuba you can't accept it because maybe she doesn't have the permission of the husband but if she works now we have a spec fer first of all maybe when a woman works it's her money and even if the money goes to the husband maybe the husband gave her show maybe he wouldn't be M so if a woman who doesn't work gives himba you can't accept it why maybe the husband is mid but if she works now you have an additional Factor Why you could accept the money first of all maybe the husband isn't makid and even if he is mid maybe it's not his money maybe it's her money but that's only if you don't know that the husband doesn't want but if you know for sure the husband doesn't let then you're back to one suff and you can't can't accept the matuba from a woman so so this would be our first legitimate header of a woman's breakfast or a woman's tea if the wife works the only thing is very often the that women who are have time to go to a woman's event are not working so it doesn't always work out right in other words the heter of of the is that a woman who works and makes her own income she could give him a of maruba yeah but she has to be working if she's not working then this heter would not apply so let's investigate one more he CU after like we mention a lot of people lot of uh not just men a lot of women they want to give to the new sh right you heard about that at the end of B says like this take a look we're going to first we're first going to look at the number 18 the number 18 at the end of your says like this the end of writes in the name of the nowadays you could accept gifts from a woman even a big gift nowadays women are considered the administrator of their husband's money I see not everyone here is buying that that's what he says nowadays a woman is considered the administrator of husband's money let's try to explain that a little bit husband is working so the wife people are calling there's a bill it's expected she should be able to manage certain Financial Obligations she has to shop she has to buy food she has to buy clothing she has to take care of things that means and the reality is the husband is giving her a certain empowering her you're in charge of the finances so nowadays a woman is considered oppat tropus of their husband and therefore if she makes out a check to s for $110,000 you could take it that's what the writes a second header again the first header is a woman who works you could rely on the shos that say a woman who works the money is hers so that heter the didn't accept the defended it now a new heter is that nowadays women are considered the Apper tropus of their husband the administrator the executive director of the finances so I by the way said that all of his Godless came from the fact that if somebody quoted a you must look it up you must look and never take anybody's word for it you knowe you read like to you got to look everything up so look up the sure enough look at number 22 the quotes the ra that the ran says nowadays a woman is the apat tropus of her husband and therefore you could accept the D marba says the Y me you know what that's not a uniform that's it's not across the board I I don't think every husband in the world would say yeah my wife is the executive director of all the finances it depends on the relation depends on the on the marriage you have some marriages I know of you have um the husband does his thing he doesn't even know what's flying in the bank he doesn't know anything about the finan she takes care of everything and you have some marriages the wife doesn't know does she doesn't even have an ATM card it it depends on the situation depends on the mat so says to say that every single wife is the administrator of the finances it's not true it depends on the situation very often says theam the woman's domain is more domestic and she's not the administrator over the money only for small things and even if the husband does give her Authority but not for large qu not not for large amounts unless says what if the guy's learning he sitting and learning and he doesn't make any money and the wife's the one bringing in the income and she's supporting him so even if Technically she's speaking she doesn't have the right to give himba but if the husband knows what's good for him says he's not going to say anything after all all the money in the house is coming from her so says it all depends on the situation so I mean if you look at the honestly he's not saying that automatically every single wife is the apat tropus over the money and therefore could give a d maruba he seems to be somewhat qualifying that that if in fact that's the situation that the wife has full Financial calls fine but he certainly is not saying that that's true across the board and the shav Ali points out in general what does the ran mean that a woman is the apat tropus of her husband's assets I mean honestly do you think that's true do you think in most situations the wife is the one who's making the financial decisions I think many people would we're on camera now so we can't say exactly but I don't know that everybody would agree with that says the what the what the uh ran means is you do have some women who professionally are administrators over money so that type of woman May have the same executive rights in her household but considering the fact that most women are not like you know bank managers or or managing hedge funds in most families therefore says the um sh a wife would not be able to give a d maruba based on this reasoning of the and therefore the sh says an honest reading of says not like it's interesting just quotes the ra women are theopus and he he doesn't quote the's qualification of the ra that it really depends on the circumstances so interestingly the asks you know these tees these breakfasts these women's events where women come then they open up their checkbook says you cannot take the money excuse me says the you can't take the money unless you have a knowledge that the husband gives permission he says look at number 24 there are women they get together and the of could he be mael so it says about yeah the ra would say yeah but if you actually and the would say yeah but if you look up the says it depends on the circumstance and therefore the says you need to tell the G you can't accept the money that's a pretty uh eye openening there is a CH where he gives a very interesting heter the um R asked R BR about there was a certain R I guess he was not that very popular among the men but he was very popular among the women I guess he didn't tell them about the sh thing and he became very proud about the women that most of his parosa came from the women in K not only that the women used to get together and make meetings and send the money to to the r and then the r sing to him but now am I allowed to take this money you can't accept the D maruba from a woman is a very interesting header all of these women's meetings they send out invitations they put up posters the husband reads the posters and the husband sees the invitations and the wife says I can't I can't stay home today where are you going I'm going to a breakfast for what for for I don't know and the husband doesn't say says if the husband knows the wife is going and he doesn't say anything presumably he he's authorizing it so he allows these these types of events based on that again so what what have we found first of all a woman who works according to the it would be M for her to give a the says even without that a woman is considered anatropous on the assets but the and and question that maybe there's a het based on the fact that there are invitations that are sent out however let's end with the following thees writes in Number 27 that the Saka that a woman gives is more beloved to hasem than the Saka that A man gives why is that because when a man gives Saka he gives money when a woman gives Saka she's at home maybe she'll give a piece of cake she'll give something to drink the is more immediate so the was of says based on this idea that the of a woman is more important and more dear to than that of a man person should tell their wife I don't know if you're the apat tropus on all Financial activities but you have full authorization to give as much S as you want this way you don't have to involve yourself in any sh and everything that she gives is very and then the M says like this it could be that when your wife gives s it's more dear to than even when you give s because the says what does it mean means that s is not only great when you give it yourself but when you're and you cause other people to give Sak says if you encourage your wife to give s and you authorize and you give her full discretion then that's SES does not only acre to her but it accr to you as well so bottom line is that a woman a married woman is certainly authorized to give a m now what's mu it's interesting what's what would you say mu is so there's a Chua in the he says that uh women in America are at least as wealthy as in m in B so he somebody asked him sh he went around collecting and a woman gave him a $20 bill says most people $20 is not a DBA you could accept $20 from a woman okay so bottom line is you could accept DBA large amount if the woman works so then the sh was not a fan but you have the you have that say you could accept it in general the concept that a woman's apat tropus is a little bit questionable but nevertheless the mosha recommends that the husband authorize his wife and this way says sh for the for the husband and Shalom for all of everyone should be you've just experienced another Torah class brought to you by Torah anytime.com