Making the Ultimate Shidduch - The Shidduch Center of Baltimore Event

welcome to shas illuminated please enjoy the following sheer thank you so much forever goldberger for that very warm and generous introduction versus harav goldberger and i want to assure you friends that of all the introductions i've ever received this one has been the most recent i would also like to assure you that rav goldberger is certainly a great hakam as our sages teach us wise people exaggerate so i appreciate the kind words good evening everyone is truly an honor for me to be here tonight to speak on behalf of the shidduch center of baltimore and on a personal note it is actually quite difficult for me to stand up before you tonight this past thursday was the patera and the funeral of my beloved grandfather zikani mairi rev shivanya showa hirshvang zekhatsak lavraka mr stanley hershfang and during the levia after the levaya i was thinking can i still go to baltimore but ultimately i realized that my grandfather would have been very proud and pleased for me to speak at this occasion because shidduchim was very dear to him and he made every attempt that he had to try to match people together he actually had an ayantova and he would always think you know why can't these two people get married he wouldn't see even if maybe others wouldn't see them as compatible but in his good-natured spirit he always thought why can't we pair these people together so i think it's ba shared for me to be here tonight may tonight's talk be iloin i want to thank my very generous hosts the owalaski family the moreham family thank you so much for giving us the opportunity to see your chaser and how you are really the pillars of khased for this community and for all of claudia israel i want to thank mrs walowsky who is the shadhin for me to be here this evening although i'm not paying you any shadhana's fee but we appreciate you thinking of me and i know this organization is so dear to the wallowski and may the rivage shrimp continue to give them gazent to be involved in all that sarchit sibor that they are good thank you robbie goldberger for giving me the this opportunity to be here this evening i'm so inspired that a such a large community has this resource a system of shachanim of networking a database and to hear that in the last couple of years the center of baltimore has successfully produced a hundred and eleven or so shidduchim kane we hope for even more numbers in the future and many more bhatte neman bistraal hashem or tafaras punavitcharov kahanamen was a remarkable personality he was an architect of torah he was the builder of torah and he saw the world different than almost anybody else in august of 1942 the nazis were primed to invade palestine and to sweep through the country in a matter of days and the arabs were broadcasting on the radio hey jews we're going to slit your throats we're going to slaughter your children we're going to abuse your women the arabs were waving flags in their windows inviting the nazis to come and what was rav kahneman doing he was laying the foundation of the ponovich yeshiva august 1942 and they said rabbi what you're doing is financial and institutional suicide in a matter of days the nazis will destroy every jewish institution in the land of palestine but the panavitcharov believed in the eternity of torah the eternity and the destiny of the torah he was a dreamer he was a builder just to give you some anecdotes of how the panavitcharov saw the world he came to america in 1947 and he would go into schools and he would announce by the way you know there are a group of jews who they've been imprisoned they're trying to create a state they're trying to create a jewish homeland and they were in jail but the punisher of said with great conviction and perhaps with prophecy that these jews will undoubtedly succeed in building a jewish state but then he added if i had a cadre of jews which would try to build a torah state in palestine that would undoubtedly occur this is the way the panovich rev saw things he was a dreamer he was a builder now the barrel wine relates that when he was rabbi miami beach so the panavichirov used to come and fundraise in miami beach he was the consummate fundraiser you know the line goes how do you know there's no life on mars say because if there was then the panavichirov would have fundraised there so the panavitarov went everywhere to raise money for the yeshivas he believed he had to build institutions on par with the great institutions of lita of poland and he came to rabbi wine and he says ravi want i would like you to gather a group of young couples and i would like to speak with them and rabbi wine said you know rabbi i thought you're the expert on fundraising every fundraiser knows young couples don't give money they don't have they don't know how to give they need to be pri they need to be groomed and the rov said to everyone just listen to me just follow my advice so a week later every wine invited a group of 20 young couples to his home in miami beach they weren't specifically religious and the panavichirov got up to speak he spoke informally but powerfully and this is the gist of what he said he said during the holocaust the nazis killed 1.5 million jewish children the souls of these children are floating through the air they need bodies to go into you want to give me some bodies rabbi wine was taken back by the message and the manner with which the panavichirov delivered the message but sure enough says ravi wine a bumper crop of babies was born in his congregation that year what a great man he was a builder he was a dreamer he saw the jewish world different than anybody else he recognized that with 20 couples you could build the jewish people let's expand on this concept just a bit further let's assume a boy and a girl marry and they have a relatively we'll call it small jewish family of two children a boy and a girl and let's assume these two descendants also have small families each one of them having two children so in each subsequent generation the population doubles in mathematics this is known as geometric progression so the couple has two children four grandchildren eight great-grandchildren and sixteen great great grandchildren and you think big deal and after ten generations that original couple now has 1024 descendants and after 20 generations there will be one million forty eight thousand 576 descendants and after only 24 generations about 600 years there will be 16 million 777 thousand 206 descendants about the same number of the current jewish population in the world from one shadow and in 25 generations there will be double the number of descendants as there are jews in the world today do we now understand the statement of the zayar hakadosh that one who makes one zivagin claw israel it's like they built the entirety of the whole world that is what we came here tonight to support i'd like to speak a little bit about a great personality we started speaking about it during the dinner but by now anyone who was there forgot about it and we like to elaborate on this subject i want to speak about rabino garcia raveno gershom is given a very unique title he's known as rabbenu gershom he was born in the year 960 in mets in france and he passed away in 1040 in maine's in germany he was the first ashkenazic great rabbi he is so to speak the foundation of ashkenazic jewry in the times of gershom the epicenter of world torah existed in baavel in surah and pompadisa and because of the scholarship of gershom the centers of world torah jewry shifted from babylon where it had existed and thrived for more than a thousand years and it moved to germany to ashkenaz rabino garcia wrote the authentic text of talmud bavli when rashi wrote his commentary on shas it was based on the text of rabbenu gersheim rabbino gershom wrote the famous slicha that we say in the ilah sahabra sabrahama kedashv gershwin to a title that no rabbi ever merited he is called the light of the exile now there are a lot of interesting titles that we give rabbis some great rabbis they're given the title hakadosh so you have you have rashi you have the aushakha khadash some say the aria kadosh some rabbis are given the title the rebel rebel so for instance of janus and ibishits he's called the rebel rabbi son of shemelkov of nickelsburg the rebel ribs malcolm and rabbino garchome is given the title rabbenu garesha me or hagoyla what's the meaning of this title so simply put he was literally the light of the exile until his time tara was in bavaro was in babylon and because of the scholarship of rabino garisham the epicenter of torah shifted from babylon to europe and because of him it infused the light into the galas but friends there is a much deeper reason for this amazing title as is well known rabbino gershwin made many takanois and many of these takanas were enforced by the personal excommunication of rabbi no gershwin rabbino gershwin made 90 takanois that are enforced by hiram by the way one particular kheram that ravino garcia made which is not so well known was because of a very tragic personal situation that revenue garrison faced as mentor benediction lived in the city of maine's and the bishop of maine's converted to judaism and because he converted to judaism the monks of maine's were so angry with the jewish community that they made a decree that every jew in maine's has to convert to catholicism otherwise they would be burned by the stake and many jews fled and many jews were moisture nefer shall kill and many jews converted to christianity including rabbenu garshalim's only son not only that he converted to catholicism and he died as a catholic before he had the opportunity to do chuva and this was so painful to rabbenu garcia that you could look in the mordecai massachusetts that when the ravino garcia heard about what happened to his son not only did he sit shiva he sat shiva twice says the mordecai he sat shiva once for his son's body and once for his son's soul and the marami rotenberg writes no rabbino garcia did not have to do that it was just an expression of his excessive grief over his son so gershwin made a takana and he enforced this takanawa with the kheram that if a jew ever converts and leaves the fold if they want to come back they cannot be ridiculed now you should know this was a matter of historic debate between the rabbanim and the hamoinam usually if somebody converted to another religion the multitude of the guy wanted to come back and show the people would not let him get an aliyah the people would not let him get a shidduch he was not accepted back into the fold he was ridiculed because people felt betrayed they felt that they this individual was disloyal to them and everybody else had to suffer as a jew and they would not accept them back but gershom and usually the rabbanim made decrees to allow the chuva process of these people who unfortunately had to convert that was one kheram durabino garchine here's another kheram darabin ogarshan it's prohibited to read the mail the messages of somebody else you want to take somebody's phone and check out their texts their whatsapps their email there's a rem there's no gersham you can't open the mail you can't read the messages of somebody else this was intended to protect the jewish merchants who the their business depended on the confidentiality of their business dealings and every letter had a specific seal and the seal was signed gimmel stamp which stood for the rabbenu you couldn't open up the mail of somebody else today in america it's a federal crime to read somebody else's mail but it took the secular world hundreds and hundreds of years to come to recognize the importance of this but of all the takkanoas and all the haram and marabino garsh i'm the two most well-known takanas arabino garchime evano ezzer siman alef sefud rabbenu gershoim hechrim al you can't marry two wives and then rabbi no garcia made another takana and rabbi garrison was masaken alhan alham you cannot divorce one's wife against her well these are the two most well-known haram of rabbino garcia why did he make these decrees well actually there's a historical and social reason for these decrees of rabbino garcia the church had a very negative view to marriage the church considered celibacy the ideal way to live in christian theology monogamous marriage was deemed a concession to the devil polygamy was considered downright immorality rabbino garcia did not want the jewish people to be considered immoral in the eyes of the nations of the world and therefore he decreed you cannot marry two wives but ivana garcia was afraid if you can't marry two wives then get in there'll be more divorces so benediction likewise the creed he added another decree you can't divorce your wife against her will but friends besides these social reasons for the haramed rabbino gershom there is a deep spiritual and mystical reason for the khem drabeno gershom which is offered by the oyster sir with mary hill of oyster who lived from 1852 to 1928 of a brilliant mind and a holy sadiq he spent the last 40 years of his life yo shave batainas he did not eat during the daytime and he introduces a gem of an idea but before i present his idea i want to ask you an amazing question the most anticipated and celebrated shidduch in the history of claudia israel yaakov and yaakov meets rochelle and the postage says and the first thing he does he cries says rashi why is he crying because he saw that he wouldn't be buried with rakha are you kidding me i mean talk about getting ahead of yourself rabbi goldberger did anybody ever call you at the shidduch center of baltimore with the concern i really like this girl but i'm afraid that we can't get enough karka together on harmanuche that would be a first that's what yaakov is crying about i mean first let them have a vart and a lechayam and let them celebrate the first anniversary and then they could worry about being buried together this is what's on yakov of avinu's mind the moment he meets raqqa that they're not going to be buried together what kind of reaction is that so here's the idea if you look in the holy book shira shirim miguel ash composed a love song of the passionate and profound love between akadesh baruch and canessa cicero depicted as the love between a hassan and akala a groom and a bride hakalesh baruch is of course the hassan the groom and canesis israel is the bride and this is a shidduch that we try to consummate every shabbos so friday night is the kedusan and we say in shema esray atta kidashita friday night is kadusan and shabbos morning of course nowadays with these takanas wedding so you could invite 150 people but a thousand people to the simchas krasan vekala so this morning is and then if you really love your wife you give her a large kasuba you add to herksuba that's musaff and then is israel in fact absolutely kakayin asks you ever wonder we make kiddush friday night we make kidasha this morning why don't we make kindesh by sudas the answer is says rap sadaq friday night is kedushin so there's this idea a well-established idea that the relationship between hakadosh baruch who and claudia israel is the relationship of akhas however abba sai hears the bombshell not only is our relationship with hakadosh baruch depicted as a relationship of a hasan and akala but the relationship that a husband and wife have with each other reflects and affects the relationship of akadesh baruch so if a husband and wife live together if the husband and wife live together in peace and harmony then is unified with knesset's israel and that shidduch is consummated and hashem dwells securely among claudius and we are with kocha but when there's discord between husband and wife when there's bickering when there's fighting then the relationship between akhadis morocco and canesis israel is likewise tenuous by the way there's an amazing phenomenon and this is also taught by rabsalica of lublin in many places we know in shas besides the halachic portions of the gemara we have a garatha the agathic portions of shas is approximately one sixth of shaas reptilic aquain teaches a principle that the agatha of shas is not randomly dispersed in various massachusetts but the masekta that the agata is found in is fundamentally connected to that subject so for instance who remembers in which masaka does it talk about corbin base hamikdash it's because the destruction of the vasa mikdash and the exile the jewish people is analogous to a get and which message discusses living in the land of israel and ye shaver it's israel ksubis because being with hashem and arat israel is the bond's analogous to the ksuba between kinases says the oyster stripe sir as the goddess was progressing and we were becoming more and more distant from my colleague there was a real danger that the evangel may say to canister she saw okay we've had a nice run it's been a nice marriage the banishment might divorce us and chase us out and send us packing against our will so rabbenu gershom had an ein file he had a brilliant idea he's going to force the hand of god never to be able to send us away so if rabino garcia went ahead and he made a takana that we cannot divorce a wife against her will so now reflective of that three bunisham can never send away the jewish people but we're not out of the woods yet because maybe now the ubuntu cannot send us away but he could still take another nation on top of us so the ibanshan will say okay yiddin i'm stuck with you but maybe i'll take another nation you know those north koreans they're just adorable or or the iranians they're they're really swell maybe it will be claudia israel and north korea or claudia israel and the iranians so comes rabbin ugarshan and he saves the day again and rabbi geshen was misakin that not only can you not divorce your wife against her will but you cannot take an additional wife therefore the abundant not only is he stuck with us he's stuck only with us says the oyster drive sir that is why roberto garcia is called me or hagoyla the light of the exile because he breathed and infused light into the darkness of the galas because at the very least no matter how long the gullis lasts we know it's us and god together forever for better or for worse now the husband and wife live together in harmony and not only do they live together in harmony but they're buried together side by side the kvura of the ishvisha together that reflects the immutable unbreakable bond between husband and wife and therefore between akadesh baruch and claudius so when yaakov avinu sees rakhal and he knows is there any greater marriage of love than yaakov is there any better analogy to the love of haqqanis but then he sees he's not going to be buried with raqqa which means that the bond between baruch and kenesis israel it's not immutable it's not untouchable yaakov saw in the fact that he would not be buried with rachel there's going to be a corbin-based hamikdash one day there's going to be so to speak some type of gittin yaakov cried not because he wouldn't be buried with raqqa because not being buried with rachel means that their love of that college bro and can i saw that relationship could be rocky one day in fact i wasn't going to mention this you're such a good audience does anybody remember in the beginning of the kadusan where is kedushin learnt out from isn't that from sade ephrain we learn about marriage from buying a burial plot seriously what's the connection between kedushin and the sedaya friend the answer is the ultimate bond of marriage is reflected in the eternal resting of husband and wife together reflecting the immutable immutable relationship between kinesis now watch this this is going to help us understand an enigmatic the gemara tells us that avraham yitzhak and yakov each invented a word a terminology to refer to the mahmukdas avraham says the gemaram sachim refers to the makama miktas as har a mountain yitzhak called it asada a field shenamer yitzhak now if i may digress for a moment this is a lecture on behalf of the shiloh center of baltimore and i was thinking and i even wanted to send the question to abhaim kenievsky i didn't have a chance you know they're allowed we live in the age of school ice and if you look through the pages of shas and madhurish they're schoolers for come out everything you want a school out to be wealthy the gemara gives us different advice you want to school of for children many school is found in ghazan you want a schoola for capara savoinois also many scholars as far as i know there are no sugulu's that are found how to get a shadoch but i believe there's one particular schoola that could be identified based on khazal how to get a good shadow and at the shidduch center of baltimore lecture top shen pe alif i would like to reveal that particular segula here it goes the gemara says elijah the prophet was only answered in the merit of minha the cliaka explains as follows what's so special about minha it says avraham vinod chakras what was he praying for that hashem should save saddam but what did god say no so we can't learn anything special about the efficacy of chakras because the answer was no yaakov david marv what was yaakov davening for that hashem should save him from love on and from asaf okay he was answered but we don't find an immediate response but probably the kliyakar says eliza went to look for shadow so he's probably dabbing for a shidduch so let's assume he was dabbing for a shadow and as soon as he died finished happening enough he lifted up his eyes because during tefillah the eyes are down and the moment he finished he lifted up his eyes coming talk about a quick response he davened and the moment minha was over the shidduch was on its way says the kliyaakar that's how hazal know how careful we have to be with because we see in the efficacy of says mammal and the safer shiva akhlama yes we see the efficacy of minha but regarding what do we see the efficacy of minha regarding zivugem so he says if somebody is in need of a shadow or somebody knows somebody who needs a shadow although as soon as that i found another schoola in the writings of the ramami pano one of the great italian mekobalam he says if before you take your three steps back of shema esri you say parak khuf huff aleph of tehelem so he writes he was a reshine whenever you dive in this fila is specifically potent in accessing him he writes for hawaii miss marseille because okay back to the regularly scheduled broadcast over here we're talking about avraham calls the makama miktash what does this mean one more question we know mushroom davind many many fellows to be able to enter eretz israel how many trilos 515 feliz where did he come up with this random number of 515th files i mean what he he googled how many filos does it take to enter eretz israel and the most common answer given was 5 15 and what was 5 30 get this number 5 15. yes 5 15 but what's the significance of 5 15 and then god said rav don't you dare say one more if you say 5 16 that's gonna do it as if 5 16 is some special number so to explain this i want to share with you an electrifying conversation that took place between two gedoyle islam of two completely different walks of life i don't know how they met and what the context of this meeting was but this is recorded in many safari this was the great meeting of rebecca and vassermann hashemi and rav aaron of bells the belzeraba how they met why they met that's beyond the scope of the shidduch center of baltimore lecture tough shin pain but they met and they were discussing who built the base hamikta shamala who built the temple up in shamayim and the belzareba shared the following zaihar that the first wall of the vasa mikta shamala was built by god and his machana god in his camp and the second wall of the basala makta shalmala was built by abraham and the third wall was built by yitzhak and the fourth fourth wall was built by yakov and moshe built the roof inexplicable what does the is numerically valued at 103. 48. is another 50 50 98 and hey is 503. god and his machine built the first wall so apparently to build a wall of the mint of shama you need the force of a hundred and so how you going to build the second wall i guess you need 103 and 103. so abraham comes along and he calls it har hare is 206. harris 205 immacul 206 he built the second wall well how much is it going to take to build the third wall so yeah isaac comes along it's like avinu comes and he calls it sada sade is 309 and he connects the three walls and he built the third wall and what's it going to take to build the fourth wall i guess 4 12 so yaakov aveeno comes along and he calls it bias by says gamachia 4 12. so moisture abbay no realizes if he's going to connect these four walls and build a roof it's going to take how many prayers prayers and he built the roof of the basement and you always wonder you know the matter says in paris you know what the source is that if someone's in a jam and someone's in an east sarah they need tadavan what's the macarthur that you need to de-sarah from the fact that moshe of venus to enter arat israel laymar lamar says and i always wondered you're going to learn out you need to dab and base sarah from moisturizer wasn't answered god said don't aven no god said no and stop davening why would you learn out they should have been based sarah from someone who wasn't listened to and god said don't say another word and the answer is every single feel of my show was answered yes yes yes yes maisha built the best and he was going to say tefillah 516. and if he would have said filip 5 16 he would have brought down the vasa amigda shalmala and he would have brought it down to this world and god said rav you did enough already you built the basement shall mala it's not yet time to build the vasa but if anyone could ever figure out what that 516th fila is you hit the jackpot that's the winner that's the fila that will bring mashiach comes arizal and ariza reveals what the 516th tv is 516. that's the thilo we don't say it in hebrew because that's the ultimate fila that wasn't allowed to say and we don't say it explicitly and outright but we're marami's to it we say god let your name be magnified and glorified that's the thfila that will bring the besamiktas down so you got the system i know the last thing on your mind to come out on a sunday night is to hear some mathematical formula about basic building the base amigda shamala but it's not too complicated you got it 103 one wall 206 the second wall 309 the third wall 412 the fourth wall 515 the roof here's where i put in my two cents i think the space hamikdash is still missing i mean if you had a home with four walls and a roof that's very nice until weeds start growing in your living room don't you need a floor don't you need a floor don't you need a ritzpa who's going to build the floor of the base i'm the shamala well one thing we know we know the mathematical formula what number do we need to build the base i make the mata the floor what 6 18. half love a fella ish vaisha ish is 311. isha is 306. in my calendar 3 6 18. the husband and wife the love of the husband and wife the shalom of the husband and wife that will build the final missing ingredient of the besamikta shamala where does it say that i is there any wonder then then the aftermath of tish above when we celebrate when we commemorate corbin-based what's the ticket what's the rectification how do we correct that well a few days later we have tuba of the day of shidduchim and the aftermath of corbin the way we build the best is of ahava as ramban writes in the beginning of partial chamois the tent of avraham and sarah was a greater vehicle of hashras hashina even then than the mishkan itself that the mishkan was only a microcosm it was only hashem it's a semblance of the shrine that rested in the tent of abraham and sarah is there any wonder then that in the end of days in top shin pay aleph there's a quote shidduch crisis of course there's a shidduch crisis because there's an oath the ultimate shidduch that's still waiting to be consummated there is a ultimate shidduch that we're still waiting for somebody to red and get them to get back together again it's a shidduch that began 3 300 years ago it's a shidduch that's worked on every shabbos it's a shidduch that's had its ups and downs and as long as that shidduch is still hanging in the balance then the reflective relationships will also be a challenge is there anything we can do to somehow consummate that ultimate shidduch here's your chance to be a hagoyla here's your chance to infuse light into the golos because just like our relationships reflect the relationship between alcoholism and kinesis israel that means by being involved in making shidduchim by supporting an organization that is always sake to bring young couples every shidduch that is attempted every shidduch that is made every shilok that is tried is the most direct mitzvah and maesta that we could do to bring to fruition the ultimate shadoch and build the ultimate bias and make the ultimate bias be israel which is the base hamikdash thank you so much for joining us this evening in the merit of us coming together tonight to try to help our young men and women our middle aged men and women to try to build bottenam on the israel may it be used to build the ultimate bias the israel may we all be zakha to hear very soon amen you have been listening to ashir from shaftsalluminated.org for other shiurim on many topics or to hear an eonshare on any daf and shots including my armor clematis on each shear please visit www.shotsaluminated.org [Music] to order cds or for more information please call 203 312 that's 203 seven four two seven or email info shots illuminated.org [Music]