Haggadah Shel Pesach: Treating Each Child As An Only Child

this Tower class is brought to you by torahanytime.com okay the shoe rim uh this weekend we're sponsored by The Adjustment family Lilo and ishma's their mother whose yard sale was Thursday who was the wife of uh the great governor of they lived through the Holocaust and she was moisture and efforts for Tyra at a time when they were very few girls that wanted to support a bantara she was among the Pioneers in this area and then they made alian they moved to svas and where there are very few Sharma Shabbos and this woman was one of the pillars of the community and brought many back to Yiddish kite teaching them and her Brokers were sought after as a source of Yeshua so we wish that her nashama for her whole family I want to share with you an important Insight on the hagada foreign Rev Aaron David Goldberg Lord Shiva tells has a beautiful new hagada it's called Shiraz David and I'm enjoying it very much and he asks he brings the question that there's a phrase here that seems to be superfluous one is so what's all this uh business by the way he brings the question I think I have to write him a letter um he brings the question the going says something very different than everybody else most interpret the opposite of Russia there's the you know the righteous son the wicked son and then you have like these two random Sons one the tongue the simpleton and one who can't even formulate a question no says the gra that's not how to understand it is who could formulate a coherent question a Cogen question and the kid who's not wise then you have a wicked son a Russia and the opposite of wickedness is jakov avinush like in the Posse the opposite of Russia is Sonu is timimo stick so the Russia the going learns it's it's bothered the order should be foreign because it should be the two opposites says the going it says Russia after hakam because it doesn't want to end with the Russia it says Russia after hakam because it doesn't want to end with the Russia so rev Goldberg brings that his son asked okay I got it we don't want to end with the Russia foreign Russia Tom I understand you don't want to end with the Russia so just flip Rasha and Tom you have to say we don't want to end with the tum because the tum is a good guy it's not it's not by covet dick for the tongue to be the the grand finale so therefore we end with the song but with Goldberg says there's Akasha it should have been Tom Russia Tom Russia and this way we're not ending with the Russia we're not ending with the time but what's the explanation for Russia we should put the Opposites together and Tom Russia okay he leaves that as a tarkian but the question he raises is why does it say by each one and He suggests that the Bal hagada is teaching us the proper way to approach our children and that is we have to deal with each child as a world unto itself we have to deal with each child as an individual by himself child and the appropriate way for this child with no other child's method having any bearing on the child that you're dealing with yeah but I already sent the first three kids to this Yeshiva and I already have an N over there and it's going to be much cheaper with the dinner fund if I just send this kid to the same Yeshiva you know this already worked it's going to be a pain in the neck to send them somewhere else every child has to be dealt with as a world unto themselvesky brings a certain danger of this method of he says that many parents they influence their child and they they speak to their child as if the child is God's gift to humanity they say oh you're so brilliant you're so amazing you're the smartest you're the most handsome you're the most successful and the parents have uh good intentions they want to encourage a child and says this is very dangerous because all you're doing is you're engendering arrogance and bad character and you're causing the child to look down on their friends and to perhaps even feel entitled and ultimately this brings the child's down for downfall because these children afterwards when they go to Yeshiva and after they've been hearing for five years they're the smartest they're the best they're God's gift to humanity and the rugby asks the question and their five other kids who know a better answer and the rebbe doesn't think they're the smartest and the Ruby doesn't think they're the best all of a sudden they have heartbreak and they stop learning and they're not interested and very often if the rebbe tries to tell them you know you have to work harder you have to pay attention more though they uh they go tell their parents and the parents say no the rebbe is wrong the kid goes home and tells the parents you know my Ruby insulted me my rabbit doesn't respect me and they come and they tell the parents that uh the rebbe did and said so and so and such and such and the parents say you're right you know the rebbe was wrong the rebbe insulted you it's not right what he did and then the parents are basically training the kid to have no respect for authority and for his Rabbi him so it's interesting on the one hand of the the rashiva of tells us saying you have to treat each child like a world unto itself and on the other hand is saying there's a certain danger and engendering feelings of superiority and entitlement in the mind of a child so obviously there has to be a certain balance where the most basic level of is that every child has to have a sense of self self-worth a sense of identity a sense of unique personality not that the child should feel that he's Superior to others not that the child should feel that therefore he he's entitled to certain treatment but the child definitely has to feel he has to feel unique he has to feel special special in that he has a unique set of talent and capability and faculty and that's a very important balance and probably better to err on the side of echard than to err on the side of uh the child not feeling his self self-worth and then rev Goldberg brings an amazing teaching from the safer Emery Mordechai I could not find the safer uh this morning he brings that about Goldberg Zeda where Blazer Gordon the abesin and the realm of tells that one time an oyster came to visit the Yeshiva and he saw a bachar and it was the bakar was davening in a very special way and learning in a very special way and the oyster ass who's this and the tel zarov said this bakur he's my Ben Jacob he's my son my only son and then the oyster saw another bajar he said who's this and it tells the Russia said this this is a my only son this bakar is my is my uh Pena and he kept on saying by every single bakar he's my Ben yacher and the final election says how many only children do you have that tells us she said I have 400 only children I have arba mayors that he loved each one and he dealt with each one as if they would be his Ben yacht and it's an important idea that every parent has to Foster that every child should feel that your relationship with them is that they are your Ben yachted never say well what do you want from me I have uh five other kids no no child should ever feel that way every child should always feels that this is the the meaning of the pasok foreign based on the above that even though elieza was the Second Son Maisha never made him feel that way he was treated as if he was also and with Goldberg says this is also the kavana the Bal hagada not only should each child be dealt with as an individual without having the approach that was utilized for a different child infringe on his personal but every child has to feel that he is loved and he is valued as if he is just like if Sony had one bed one child he would invest all of his for that child so even someone who has many many children he has to look at every child as if that child is the Ben yahren and this is alluded to Russia okay everyone thank you for joining today I wish everyone a wonderful Shabbos we'll see you on Monday be well Chavez you've just experienced 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