0:00 / 0:00
Rabbi Benny: the Most Macho Holiday
691 views
Joining Frumprov from Cabo, Mexico, Rabbi Benny Hershcovich delivered a fantastic set on Gartels, Pesach Sheni, and Lag Baomer.
Comments(0)
Transcript
Auto-generated transcript. Not time-synced to the video.
so recently I went to buy a carton for
those who don't know
cartels are what roomies wear around
their coats when they Dobbin it's those
long black strings you know why because
it's there's nothing a lot more
embarrassing than getting caught with
your pants down the middle of Amida
actually sounded better in my head my
name if I'm in this store and I'm
looking to buy a garter and there's like
six different sizes for the garter
alright the guard goes range from size 8
feet to the length of chilly all right I
don't know if there's anyone in history
ever walked out of a Judaica store
fitting room with a guard in hand and
says no that one was a little bit too
snug for me and then he looks over to
like the baggies like I'm gonna go with
the one that says ring around Saturn
like I'm not a marketing kind of
marketing genius but I think like a
nutritionist should just drop a few
pamphlets around those guard cool
baskets and then so then after I bought
my guard tool I went to get a Caputo
right the Caputo's those long black
coats and I walk in and I find one that
you know I guess fits me and then before
I leave the guy gingerly hands me a
ziploc bag with 12 spare buttons you
know what to make of it like is that
some sort of subliminal messaging in
there I don't know is it generic that
they give they give these extra buttons
from experience or maybe they saw me
come in and the guy whispers to the
cashier you know just trust me on this
one and then I came with the package so
I don't want to waste money you know I
want to get my money's worth so I'm I'm
making sure that I'm growing into those
extra buttons of course but anyways yeah
last week we celebrated pace of Shanee
and you know Shanee is the classic
message that it's never ever too late
there's always time for a second chance
which makes me wonder you know if it was
a second Konica or a second poram I'd be
okay with that
you know the rabbi's come to me a month
after Hanukkah they're like okay we want
to give you a special Jewish message
it's never too late you're gonna have to
celebrate eight days of Hanukkah again
you're gonna have to light candles for
eight days I know it's a little annoying
but you're gonna get the goods you're
gonna get presents every day you get a
bunch of trips you get your Hanukkah
gelt you get jelly doughnuts a lot
okay I'm fine with that or pouring the
next way the Emporium it's never too
late you always have a second chance to
catch up on your mistakes you're gonna
have parties you're gonna have to listen
to me gila for 30 minutes but it's worth
it right I'd be totally okay with that
but no but the rabbi's are like no peace
after we eat matzah a month later the
rabbi's gingerly walk up they're like
what should we do now you know it's been
a month after they say hey well why not
let's make Jews eat matzah for a second
doing
we just by the way we're in middle of
spear summer do you know the real reason
why we count seven weeks of Omir we do
that because that's the average amount
of time it takes to recover from eating
matzah slimy slimy I heard you you know
we haven't seen him recently he's been
out with an acute mobster trauma he's
out for seven weeks right it's a it's a
legitimate sports injury so now again
with Pesach if the rabbi's would have
come a month later and they're like okay
guys you want to tell your message of a
second chance
hany we're all gonna give you a few
comon gifts again or we're all gonna go
on another trip that's okay I'm cool
with that
but why moths are the only part of
Pesach that we're so traumatized from
they come in and give us much it's like
hey it's never too late for constipation
you know and I'm like okay so I'll have
the matzah can I at least have like a
barbecue barbecue some needs some lamb
or something and they're like no no
that's too similar to Temple times the
temple doesn't exist okay and you've got
some music call some friends make a pun
off spear at home where you can't have
music just eat the matzah and suffer in
silence so you know you know you know
you know you know like friends when you
have friends over for a party and then
you're like you know you finish the
party and you as they're leaving you're
like hey that was great you know so your
friends like Hanukkah and porom like
you're normal you know they understand
like yeah we'll see you next year once a
year is good you know but Pesach he's
like that friend who you know you tell
him come back any time and a month later
he's like knocking at your door
remember that time you told me to come
back and and you're less you know and
you're like okay I'll let you in this
time but but this time I'm sorry I'm not
doing what I did last time last time you
made me kick out comets he was very
offended this time you guys are gonna
have to learn to live together
that's that space of Shanee and then and
then again also with piece of Shanee
like it's marketing genius from the
rabbi's I think like poor m and ASA and
probably all the holidays it's just like
after pouring the rabbi's got together
and they're like okay we have an
abundance of nosh in our home and we got
to sell these boxes so let's just make
it forbidden to have any nosh you got to
get rid of all of your nosh you got rid
of all your comments get ready for the
whole summer Spock you know the whole
summer line of foods and whatnot
and Jewish items so and then Pesach
comes and the rabbi's are sitting there
like oh yeah
everyone has extra like 30 pounds extra
of matzah in their home what are we
gonna do with that we'll just make a
religious holiday and force people and
make them feel guilty if they don't need
all the matzah you know that's a
marketing genius like we you know
fashion companies when it comes to the
summer they just are giving 50% 70% off
you know they get ready for the sun line
you just have to make a religious
holiday which makes them feel all guilty
if they don't do it and then it's it's
it's a given it's so easy right and then
we celebrated we just celebrated love
boomer love Burma is such a happy day
there's music is dancing bonfires one of
my favorite days of the year and then of
course the story goes that rubbishy
Mubarak I he was passing away and his
students were like all crying next to
the bedside you know and don't go and
you know he weakly he opens his eyes and
he tells us students guys though
don't be sad don't cry be happy be happy
and there was the one guy in the back
who took him seriously he's like the guy
when your wife tells you no don't buy me
a birthday present it's just sitting
here with you is so nice you know you
use a guy who didn't buy his wife the
birthday present right so every day on
the same York site he's like making like
rave parties telling his buddies getting
drunk going crazy
Robbie Shipman is like looking down from
heaven is right oh that's a little too
much you know I didn't mean that but
anyways but like glamour is amazing
because you know like family we like
bomb fires we shoot bows and arrows it's
basically just you know
explosions and weapons that's like oh
it's the most macho holiday of all the
other holidays the only thing I'm
expecting the rabbi's
Institute is that every lot warmer we
should all get a skull and crossbones
tattoo on our shoulders you know the
smell because rabbi Shimon was in a cave
for 12 years
troz bone looks like an olives and it's
Kabbalah I guess but yeah you know when
it when it comes to live Omer it's such
a macho holiday all the men are like you
know go shopping I got this
we're Manning the barbecue to my
experience and of course my wife's
experience more you know when you when a
man says he's Manning a barbecue and he
tells his wife to take the day off
that's when the wife wants to buckle
down because she's not getting a day off
like I tell her you know okay I got this
where I'm doing the barbecue I got the
grill I'm gonna go get the coals and
next thing you know my wife I'm just
before you leave I just need a potato
salad I need some coleslaw I need two
dips get the sodas can you prepare the
burgers please right so she's in the
kitchen all day preparing for my
barbecue though I'm getting the credit
for and all I end up doing is just
flipping burgers and taking the credit
everyone's like Betty nice barbecue nice
barbecue you know of course the next
morning when my wife is cleaning up
after the mess we made you know I go I'm
like hey honey we should do this again
sometime you know and she said yeah any
time Joey come back any time I'm